Shownotes
Mother knows best, but as changes both subtle and monstrous manifest, reality itself is called into question.
Tonight’s story is “Moth{er}” by Chase Anderson, a speculative fiction writer, spreadsheet wrangler, and internet bird. This story was first published in Another Name for Darkness by Sans. PRESS. You can find more of his stories on his website, chase.xyz.
Read by Sierra, the Small Blue One, and by Ta’kom Ironhoof, the Equine Charmer.
thevoice.dog | Apple podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts
If you have a story you think would be a good fit, you can check out the requirements, fill out the submission template and get in touch with us.
https://thevoice.dog/episode/mother-by-chase-anderson
Transcripts
You’re
Speaker:listening
Speaker:to
Speaker:The
Speaker:Ghost
Speaker:of
Speaker:Dog
Speaker:on
Speaker:The
Speaker:Voice
Speaker:of
Speaker:Dog.
Speaker:This
Speaker:is
Speaker:Rob
Speaker:MacWolf,
Speaker:your
Speaker:fellow
Speaker:traveler,
Speaker:and Tonight’s
Speaker:story
Speaker:is “Moth{er}”
Speaker:by
Speaker:Chase
Speaker:Anderson,
Speaker:a
Speaker:speculative
Speaker:fiction
Speaker:writer,
Speaker:spreadsheet
Speaker:wrangler,
Speaker:and
Speaker:internet
Speaker:bird.
Speaker:This
Speaker:story
Speaker:was
Speaker:first
Speaker:published
Speaker:in
Speaker:Another
Speaker:Name
Speaker:for
Speaker:Darkness
Speaker:by
Speaker:Sans.
Speaker:PRESS.
Speaker:You can
Speaker:find
Speaker:more
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:stories
Speaker:on
Speaker:his
Speaker:website,
Speaker:chase.xyz.
Read
by
Speaker:Sierra,
Speaker:the
Speaker:Small
Speaker:Blue
Speaker:One,
Speaker:and
Speaker:by
Speaker:Ta’kom
Speaker:Ironhoof,
Speaker:the
Speaker:Equine
Speaker:Charmer.
Metamorphosis. Noun. A transformation as by magic or
miracle.
Speaker:A
Speaker:marked
Speaker:change
Speaker:in
Speaker:appearance,
Speaker:character,
Speaker:or
Speaker:function.
Speaker:Or a
Speaker:stage
Speaker:in the
Speaker:life
Speaker:cycle
Speaker:of many
Speaker:insects
Speaker:between
Speaker:the larval and the
Speaker:adult. The
Speaker:caterpillar
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:butterfly.
Speaker:Gregor
Speaker:to the monstrous vermin. Arachne to the spider.
Speaker:And
Speaker:in
Speaker:certain
Speaker:rare
Speaker:cases,
Speaker:all
Speaker:three.
Please
enjoy
“Moth{er}” by
Chase
Speaker:Anderson
My
first
Speaker:memory
Speaker:was
Speaker:of her
Speaker:room,
Speaker:white and
Speaker:bathed
Speaker:in
Speaker:light.
Speaker:I
Speaker:sat
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:floor,
Speaker:trying
Speaker:to
Speaker:help
Speaker:Mother with
Speaker:the
Speaker:laundry,
Speaker:folding towels much larger than me. The
Speaker:walls
Speaker:were
Speaker:clean,
Speaker:the
Speaker:hardwood
Speaker:floor
Speaker:shining.
Speaker:A
Speaker:breeze
Speaker:carrying
Speaker:birdsong
Speaker:filtered
Speaker:through
Speaker:the
Speaker:forest
Speaker:into
Speaker:the
Speaker:open
Speaker:space.
Mother
had
Speaker:studied
Speaker:color
Speaker:science
Speaker:at
Speaker:college,
Speaker:where
Speaker:she
Speaker:met
Speaker:Father.
Speaker:She
Speaker:taught me
Speaker:how
Speaker:glass
Speaker:prisms
Speaker:hung in the
Speaker:windows
Speaker:made
Speaker:the
Speaker:dancing
Speaker:rainbows
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:wall.
Speaker:The
Speaker:clear
Speaker:light
Speaker:held
Speaker:all
Speaker:the
Speaker:colors
Speaker:within,
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Speaker:It
Speaker:bounced
Speaker:from
Speaker:surfaces
Speaker:to
Speaker:your
Speaker:eyes
Speaker:to
Speaker:show
Speaker:you
Speaker:how
Speaker:something
Speaker:truly
Speaker:looked.
Speaker:I didn’t
Speaker:understand,
Speaker:but
Speaker:I
Speaker:liked how all
Speaker:the
Speaker:towels
Speaker:were
Speaker:blue,
Speaker:like
Speaker:the
Speaker:sky,
Speaker:like
Speaker:our
Speaker:eyes.
“You look
just
Speaker:like
Speaker:me,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said, “when
Speaker:I
Speaker:was
Speaker:your
Speaker:age.”
Speaker:Sometimes
Speaker:she
Speaker:would
Speaker:pull
Speaker:out
Speaker:photos
Speaker:of
Speaker:her
Speaker:brothers
Speaker:and
Speaker:sisters,
Speaker:children
Speaker:lined
Speaker:up
Speaker:on
Speaker:a
Speaker:bench.
Speaker:I’d
Speaker:never
Speaker:met
Speaker:these
Speaker:people.
Speaker:Which
Speaker:face
Speaker:was
Speaker:ours?
Speaker:I
Speaker:pointed
Speaker:to
Speaker:a
Speaker:person
Speaker:and asked
Speaker:if
Speaker:that
Speaker:was
Speaker:her.
“No,
dear,
Speaker:this
Speaker:is
Speaker:me.”
I
searched
Speaker:her
Speaker:face
Speaker:hard
Speaker:for
Speaker:similarities
Speaker:but
Speaker:found
Speaker:none.
Speaker:The
Speaker:picture
Speaker:was
Speaker:from
Speaker:a
Speaker:really,
Speaker:really
Speaker:long
Speaker:time
Speaker:ago.
Speaker:People
Speaker:changed.
Speaker:Maybe I’d
Speaker:be
Speaker:able
Speaker:to
Speaker:tell
Speaker:when
Speaker:I
Speaker:was
Speaker:older.
I
stopped
Speaker:thinking
Speaker:about
Speaker:faces
Speaker:and
Speaker:listened
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:soft
Speaker:birdsong
Speaker:instead.
#
They
tried
Speaker:to
Speaker:teach
Speaker:me
Speaker:at
Speaker:preschool,
Speaker:but
Speaker:the
Speaker:teachers
Speaker:weren’t
Speaker:as
Speaker:good
Speaker:as
Speaker:Mother.
Speaker:She’d
Speaker:already
Speaker:taught
Speaker:me
Speaker:all
Speaker:about
Speaker:color
Speaker:and
Speaker:light,
Speaker:so
Speaker:my
Speaker:finger-paints
Speaker:never
Speaker:turned
Speaker:into
Speaker:a
Speaker:brown,
Speaker:muddy
Speaker:mess.
Speaker:Miss
Speaker:Teacher
Speaker:told
Speaker:us
Speaker:that
Speaker:pink
Speaker:was
Speaker:a
Speaker:color
Speaker:but
Speaker:I
Speaker:blurted
Speaker:out, “No,
Speaker:it’s
Speaker:not,
Speaker:it’s
Speaker:a
Speaker:hue.”
Speaker:I
Speaker:was
Speaker:put
Speaker:in
Speaker:time-out because
Speaker:she
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:accept
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew
Speaker:more
Speaker:than
Speaker:her.
“Preschool
is
Speaker:just
Speaker:to
Speaker:learn
Speaker:how
Speaker:to
Speaker:get
Speaker:along
Speaker:with
Speaker:other
Speaker:kids,”
Speaker:Mother said. “Or
Speaker:for
Speaker:kids
Speaker:with
Speaker:bad
Speaker:mothers
Speaker:who
Speaker:work
Speaker:all
Speaker:day.”
Speaker:I
Speaker:had
Speaker:a
Speaker:good
Speaker:mother
Speaker:but bad
Speaker:teachers,
Speaker:I
Speaker:told
Speaker:her,
Speaker:so
Speaker:they
Speaker:never
Speaker:taught
Speaker:me
Speaker:how
Speaker:to
Speaker:make
Speaker:friends.
I
waited
Speaker:for
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:to
Speaker:tell
Speaker:me
Speaker:how,
Speaker:since
Speaker:she
Speaker:knew
Speaker:so
Speaker:much.
Speaker:She
Speaker:looked
Speaker:down
Speaker:at
Speaker:me
Speaker:from
Speaker:her
Speaker:seat
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:bed.
Speaker:There
Speaker:was
Speaker:a
Speaker:white
Speaker:wicker
Speaker:chest
Speaker:between
Speaker:us,
Speaker:which
Speaker:always
Speaker:creaked
Speaker:when
Speaker:I
Speaker:touched
Speaker:it.
“You’re
supposed
Speaker:to
Speaker:figure
Speaker:that
Speaker:out
Speaker:yourself,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:finally
Speaker:said. “I
Speaker:can’t
Speaker:do
Speaker:everything
Speaker:for
Speaker:you.”
Speaker:She
Speaker:kept
Speaker:talking, and
Speaker:my
Speaker:gaze
Speaker:shifted
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:prisms
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:window.
Speaker:A coating of
Speaker:dust
Speaker:blocked
Speaker:the
Speaker:light
Speaker:from
Speaker:getting
Speaker:out,
Speaker:or
Speaker:maybe
Speaker:in.
Speaker:There
Speaker:weren’t
Speaker:any
Speaker:rainbows
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:walls.
Speaker:I
Speaker:walked
Speaker:over
Speaker:to
Speaker:fix
Speaker:that.
“What
are
Speaker:you
Speaker:doing?”
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:snapped. “I’m
Speaker:talking
Speaker:to
Speaker:you.”
Speaker:She
Speaker:huffed. “Maybe
Speaker:this
Speaker:is
Speaker:why
Speaker:you
Speaker:don’t
Speaker:have
Speaker:friends.
Speaker:You
Speaker:don’t
Speaker:listen.”
She
had
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:right.
Speaker:If
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:got
Speaker:frustrated
Speaker:with
Speaker:me,
Speaker:the
Speaker:kids
Speaker:who
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:know
Speaker:me
Speaker:surely
Speaker:did,
Speaker:too.
Speaker:They
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:give
Speaker:me
Speaker:a
Speaker:chance
Speaker:if I
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:try
Speaker:harder.
Speaker:I’d show her
Speaker:I
Speaker:was
Speaker:smart,
Speaker:just
Speaker:like
Speaker:her,
Speaker:and
Speaker:could
Speaker:figure
Speaker:things
Speaker:out
Speaker:on
Speaker:my
Speaker:own.
#
Miss
Teacher
Speaker:pulled
Speaker:me
Speaker:aside.
Speaker:I
Speaker:flinched,
Speaker:ready
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:scolded
Speaker:again. “You’re
Speaker:going
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:a
Speaker:big
Speaker:sister,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Speaker:But
Speaker:she
Speaker:had
Speaker:been
Speaker:wrong
Speaker:about
Speaker:things
Speaker:before,
Speaker:so
Speaker:maybe
Speaker:she
Speaker:was
Speaker:wrong
Speaker:about
Speaker:this,
Speaker:too.
Speaker:I
Speaker:asked
Speaker:how
Speaker:she
Speaker:knew.
Speaker:She
Speaker:smiled. “Grown-ups
Speaker:know
Speaker:these
Speaker:things.”
I
was
Speaker:unconvinced.
Mother
and
Speaker:Father
Speaker:never
Speaker:said
Speaker:anything
Speaker:about
Speaker:it,
Speaker:so
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew
Speaker:Miss
Speaker:Teacher
Speaker:was
Speaker:wrong.
Speaker:A
Speaker:few
Speaker:months
Speaker:later,
Speaker:she
Speaker:mentioned
Speaker:it
Speaker:again.
“I
am?”
Speaker:It
Speaker:had
Speaker:been
Speaker:so
Speaker:long,
Speaker:I’d
Speaker:forgot
Speaker:the
Speaker:previous
Speaker:conversation.
She
laughed.
Speaker:Not
Speaker:a
Speaker:real
Speaker:laugh,
Speaker:but
Speaker:the
Speaker:kind
Speaker:people
Speaker:force
Speaker:to
Speaker:pretend
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:feeling
Speaker:something
Speaker:else. “When
Speaker:your
Speaker:mom
Speaker:goes
Speaker:to the
Speaker:hospital to
Speaker:have
Speaker:the
Speaker:baby,
Speaker:we
Speaker:can
Speaker:make
Speaker:her a
Speaker:card
Speaker:to
Speaker:celebrate.”
Mother
and
Speaker:Father
Speaker:said
Speaker:nothing
Speaker:when
Speaker:I
Speaker:got home.
Speaker:Miss
Speaker:Teacher
Speaker:was
Speaker:wrong
Speaker:again.
One
day
Speaker:Father
Speaker:picked
Speaker:me
Speaker:up. “Where’s
Speaker:Mother?”
Speaker:I
Speaker:asked.
“She’s
in
Speaker:the
Speaker:hospital.
Speaker:For
Speaker:a
Speaker:little
Speaker:vacation.”
I knew
grown-ups
Speaker:said
Speaker:things
Speaker:like
Speaker:that,
Speaker:to
Speaker:mean
Speaker:something
Speaker:else,
Speaker:so
Speaker:kids
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:know
Speaker:what
Speaker:they
Speaker:were
Speaker:talking
Speaker:about.
Speaker:They
Speaker:wanted
Speaker:to
Speaker:surprise
Speaker:me
Speaker:with
Speaker:the
Speaker:baby!
Speaker:That
Speaker:was
Speaker:why
Speaker:they’d
Speaker:kept it
Speaker:a
Speaker:secret.
When
Mother
Speaker:came
Speaker:home,
Speaker:she
Speaker:went
Speaker:straight
Speaker:to
Speaker:her
Speaker:room
Speaker:and
Speaker:shut
Speaker:the
Speaker:door.
Speaker:I
Speaker:waited
Speaker:in
Speaker:my
Speaker:room,
Speaker:listening
Speaker:for
Speaker:her
Speaker:to
Speaker:come
Speaker:out,
Speaker:to
Speaker:tell
Speaker:me
Speaker:the
Speaker:surprise,
Speaker:but
Speaker:she
Speaker:didn’t.
Speaker:I
Speaker:crept
Speaker:to
Speaker:her
Speaker:door
Speaker:and
Speaker:opened
Speaker:it.
She
was
Speaker:lying
Speaker:in
Speaker:bed,
Speaker:a
Speaker:big
Speaker:quilt
Speaker:on
Speaker:top
Speaker:of
Speaker:her.
Speaker:It
Speaker:was
Speaker:dusty
Speaker:from
Speaker:hanging
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:wall,
Speaker:the
Speaker:bright
Speaker:oranges
Speaker:dulled to
Speaker:yellow,
Speaker:the
Speaker:white
Speaker:expanses
Speaker:greyed
Speaker:and
Speaker:fuzzy.
“Are
you
Speaker:sick?”
Speaker:I
Speaker:asked.
Speaker:People
Speaker:went
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:hospital
Speaker:or
Speaker:stayed
Speaker:in
Speaker:bed
Speaker:when
Speaker:they
Speaker:were
Speaker:sick.
“It’s
nothing,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Speaker:It
Speaker:was
Speaker:dim,
Speaker:with
Speaker:the
Speaker:blinds
Speaker:drawn
Speaker:and
Speaker:the
Speaker:curtains askew.
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew
Speaker:she
Speaker:was
Speaker:lying
Speaker:but
Speaker:I
Speaker:had
Speaker:no
Speaker:idea
Speaker:what
Speaker:was
Speaker:wrong.
Speaker:She
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:look
Speaker:sick,
Speaker:she
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:take
Speaker:medicine.
The
next
Speaker:day
Speaker:at
Speaker:preschool,
Speaker:I
Speaker:asked
Speaker:Miss
Speaker:Teacher
Speaker:if
Speaker:we
Speaker:could
Speaker:make
Speaker:a “get
Speaker:well
Speaker:soon”
Speaker:card.
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:would
Speaker:like
Speaker:that.
Miss
Teacher
Speaker:got
Speaker:down
Speaker:to
Speaker:my
Speaker:level
Speaker:and
Speaker:looked
Speaker:me
Speaker:right
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:face. “This
Speaker:isn’t
Speaker:something
Speaker:a
Speaker:card
Speaker:can
Speaker:make
Speaker:better,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Speaker:I
Speaker:really
Speaker:wanted
Speaker:her
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:wrong, but
Speaker:something
Speaker:told
Speaker:me
Speaker:this
Speaker:was
Speaker:the
Speaker:one
Speaker:time
Speaker:she
Speaker:was
Speaker:right.
Speaker:It gave
Speaker:me
Speaker:a
Speaker:bad
Speaker:feeling
Speaker:in
Speaker:my
Speaker:stomach,
Speaker:like
Speaker:butterflies
Speaker:trying
Speaker:to
Speaker:escape.
#
Mother
made
Speaker:my
Speaker:lunches
Speaker:and
Speaker:drove
Speaker:me
Speaker:to
Speaker:elementary
Speaker:school.
Speaker:That’s
Speaker:what
Speaker:good
Speaker:mothers
Speaker:do,
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Speaker:Sometimes
Speaker:she
Speaker:helped
Speaker:me
Speaker:with
Speaker:my
Speaker:spelling.
Speaker:Remembering
Speaker:the
Speaker:order
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:letters
Speaker:was
Speaker:hard.
“FRIday
ENDS
Speaker:my
Speaker:week
Speaker:with
Speaker:FRIENDS,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said.
Friday
didn’t
Speaker:mean
Speaker:that
Speaker:for
Speaker:me.
Speaker:I didn’t
Speaker:have
Speaker:friends.
Speaker:But
Speaker:if
Speaker:I
Speaker:said
Speaker:that,
Speaker:I’d
Speaker:be
Speaker:arguing,
Speaker:and
Speaker:then
Speaker:she’d
Speaker:be
Speaker:around
Speaker:me
Speaker:longer,
Speaker:and
Speaker:I
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:want
Speaker:that.
Her
hair
Speaker:was
Speaker:short
Speaker:now
Speaker:and
Speaker:she
Speaker:looked
Speaker:lumpy
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:sweatshirts
Speaker:and
Speaker:sweatpants
Speaker:she
Speaker:always
Speaker:wore.
Speaker:There were
Speaker:always
Speaker:big,
Speaker:beige
Speaker:band-aids
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:backs
Speaker:of
Speaker:her
Speaker:hands.
Whenever
I
Speaker:was
Speaker:around
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:too
Speaker:long,
Speaker:my
Speaker:head
Speaker:would
Speaker:get
Speaker:dizzy
Speaker:and
Speaker:I’d
Speaker:feel
Speaker:like
Speaker:I
Speaker:wasn’t
Speaker:really
Speaker:there.
Speaker:I didn’t
Speaker:like
Speaker:that
Speaker:feeling,
Speaker:so
Speaker:I
Speaker:tried
Speaker:to
Speaker:stay
Speaker:away
Speaker:from
Speaker:her. But
Speaker:she
Speaker:was
Speaker:my
Speaker:mother,
Speaker:a
Speaker:good
Speaker:mother,
Speaker:so
Speaker:why
Speaker:did
Speaker:being
Speaker:around
Speaker:her
Speaker:feel
Speaker:bad?
I
asked a
Speaker:teacher.
Speaker:She
Speaker:got
Speaker:very
Speaker:serious.
“Is
your
Speaker:mother
Speaker:hurting
Speaker:you?”
Where
had
Speaker:that
Speaker:come
Speaker:from?
Speaker:She
Speaker:never
Speaker:hit
Speaker:me,
Speaker:she
Speaker:never
Speaker:would.
Speaker:I
Speaker:told
Speaker:the
Speaker:teacher
Speaker:that.
“Oh,
so
Speaker:you’re
Speaker:uncomfortable
Speaker:around me?”
Speaker:Mother
Speaker:asked
Speaker:a
Speaker:few
Speaker:days
Speaker:later.
Speaker:I
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:know
Speaker:how
Speaker:she
Speaker:found
Speaker:out.
“No,”
I
Speaker:lied,
Speaker:even
Speaker:though
Speaker:it
Speaker:was a
Speaker:really
Speaker:bad
Speaker:one.
Speaker:There
Speaker:was
Speaker:no
Speaker:way
Speaker:I
Speaker:could
Speaker:make
Speaker:up
Speaker:a
Speaker:story
Speaker:to
Speaker:have
Speaker:her
Speaker:think
Speaker:something
Speaker:else. But
Speaker:what
Speaker:else
Speaker:could
Speaker:I
Speaker:say?
Speaker:The real answer
Speaker:would
Speaker:hurt her
Speaker:feelings
Speaker:and
Speaker:make
Speaker:her
Speaker:mad at me.
“Well,
that’s
Speaker:fine,”
Speaker:she
Speaker:said. “Sometimes
Speaker:I
Speaker:don’t
Speaker:really like being
Speaker:around
Speaker:you.”
Speaker:The
Speaker:corners
Speaker:of
Speaker:her
Speaker:mouth
Speaker:kept
Speaker:moving,
Speaker:even
Speaker:when
Speaker:she
Speaker:ceased
Speaker:to
Speaker:speak.
Speaker:I
Speaker:wanted
Speaker:to
Speaker:run
Speaker:away,
Speaker:but
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew
Speaker:that
Speaker:would
Speaker:make
Speaker:things
Speaker:worse.
Speaker:She left first,
Speaker:going
Speaker:to
Speaker:her
Speaker:room
Speaker:and
Speaker:all
Speaker:the
Speaker:things
Speaker:in
Speaker:it
Speaker:so
Speaker:she
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:need
Speaker:to
Speaker:come
Speaker:out,
Speaker:except
Speaker:for
Speaker:dinner.
“Don’t
upset
Speaker:your
Speaker:mother,”
Speaker:Father
Speaker:told
Speaker:me
Speaker:when
Speaker:he
Speaker:tucked
Speaker:me
Speaker:into
Speaker:bed.
“I
won’t.” Another
Speaker:lie.
Speaker:So many
Speaker:things
Speaker:I
Speaker:did
Speaker:upset
Speaker:her.
Speaker:Or
Speaker:even
Speaker:things
Speaker:I
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:do.
Speaker:I
Speaker:couldn’t
Speaker:trust
Speaker:what
Speaker:I
Speaker:thought
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew.
Speaker:Things
Speaker:always
Speaker:turned
Speaker:out
Speaker:wrong
Speaker:when
Speaker:I
Speaker:did.
#
In
middle
Speaker:school
Speaker:she
Speaker:stopped
Speaker:making
Speaker:me
Speaker:lunch,
Speaker:but
Speaker:she
Speaker:still
Speaker:drove
Speaker:me
Speaker:to
Speaker:school,
Speaker:since
Speaker:that was
Speaker:what
Speaker:good
Speaker:mothers
Speaker:did.
Speaker:I
Speaker:knew
Speaker:that
Speaker:wasn’t
Speaker:true,
Speaker:though.
Speaker:The other
Speaker:kids
Speaker:had
Speaker:divorced
Speaker:parents,
Speaker:or
Speaker:only
Speaker:their
Speaker:mother,
Speaker:or
Speaker:they
Speaker:took
Speaker:the
Speaker:bus,
Speaker:and
Speaker:they
Speaker:were
Speaker:always
Speaker:happy
Speaker:around
Speaker:their
Speaker:mothers.
I
met
Speaker:their
moms:moms:
some
moms:were
moms:fat
moms:and wore
moms:sloppy
moms:clothes
moms:or
moms:had
moms:short
moms:hair or
moms:messy
moms:houses
moms:or
moms:no
moms:jobs.
moms:Why did
moms:those
moms:things
moms:in
moms:my
moms:mother
moms:make
moms:me
moms:feel
moms:bad?
There was
something
moms:wrong
moms:with
moms:me.
moms:The
moms:kids
moms:in
moms:the
moms:books
moms:I
moms:read
moms:solved
moms:their
moms:problems
moms:by
moms:trying
moms:hard.
moms:I
moms:tried
moms:and
moms:tried,
moms:but
moms:it
moms:never
moms:worked.
So
I
moms:stopped
moms:trying
moms:at
moms:all.
“Can
you
moms:explain
moms:why
moms:the
moms:sky is
moms:blue?”
moms:the
moms:test
moms:question
moms:asked.
“Yes,
but
moms:I
moms:don’t
moms:want
moms:to,”
moms:I
moms:wrote.
“Why
did
moms:this
moms:character
moms:feel
moms:this
moms:way?”
“I
don’t
moms:care.”
“What
happened
moms:in
moms:the
moms:year…?”
“Stuff.”
There
was
moms:something
moms:wrong
moms:with
moms:me,
moms:everyone
moms:said.
moms:They
moms:took
moms:me
moms:out
moms:of
moms:class,
moms:they
moms:made
moms:me
moms:take
moms:a
moms:bunch
moms:of
moms:tests
moms:for
moms:babies.
moms:Which
moms:shape
moms:is
moms:a
moms:triangle?
moms:Which
moms:face is
moms:smiling?
moms:Draw
moms:a
moms:house,
moms:a
moms:dog,
moms:you,
moms:your
moms:family.
moms:They
moms:made
moms:me
moms:use
moms:crayons. I
moms:thought
moms:about
moms:using
moms:complementary
moms:colors,
moms:how
moms:I
moms:couldn’t
moms:blend
moms:the
moms:wax
moms:into
moms:new
moms:hues,
moms:but
moms:why
moms:bother?
moms:This
moms:was
moms:a
moms:punishment.
The
man
moms:running
moms:the
moms:tests
moms:took
moms:my
moms:paper
moms:and
moms:looked
moms:at
moms:it
moms:for
moms:too
moms:long.
moms:Somehow,
moms:I
moms:got
moms:it
moms:wrong.
moms:Maybe
moms:I
moms:really
moms:was
moms:stupid
moms:and
moms:my
moms:lying
moms:fooled
moms:everyone.
moms:He
moms:asked
moms:me
moms:who
moms:each
moms:person
moms:was.
moms:Me,
moms:the
moms:shorter
moms:one,
moms:Father
moms:with the
moms:black
moms:hair,
moms:Mother
moms:with
moms:the
moms:yellow
moms:hair.
“And
what
moms:are
moms:these?”
moms:He
moms:pointed
moms:to
moms:the
moms:two
moms:lines
moms:rising
moms:from
moms:the
moms:top of
moms:her
moms:head.
They
were…I
moms:didn’t
moms:know
moms:what
moms:to
moms:call
moms:them.
moms:I
moms:would
moms:see
moms:them
moms:sometimes,
moms:but
moms:not
moms:always.
moms:Obviously,
moms:I
moms:shouldn’t have
moms:drawn
moms:them. “I
moms:think
moms:I
moms:colored
moms:too
moms:fast,”
moms:I
moms:said.
moms:I
moms:couldn’t
moms:tell
moms:if
moms:he
moms:believed
moms:me.
“And
what
moms:about
moms:these?”
I'd
drawn
moms:big
moms:blobs
moms:on
moms:either
moms:side
moms:of
moms:her
moms:stick
moms:figure.
moms:That
moms:sense
moms:of
moms:being
moms:far
moms:away
moms:came
moms:again.
moms:I
moms:said
moms:the
moms:first
moms:thing
moms:that
moms:crawled
moms:out
moms:of
moms:my
moms:mouth.
“Butterfly
wings.
moms:I
moms:saw
moms:a
moms:big
moms:butterfly
moms:outside
moms:today.”
“I
need
moms:you
moms:to
moms:draw
moms:reality,”
moms:the
moms:man
moms:said. “Not
moms:what’s
moms:in
moms:your
moms:imagination.”
“Okay.”
He
handed
moms:me
moms:another
moms:piece
moms:of
moms:paper
moms:and
moms:I
moms:drew
moms:exactly
moms:what
moms:he
moms:wanted
moms:so
moms:this
moms:would
moms:all
moms:go
moms:away.
#
“………..Did
you
moms:hear
moms:me?”
“Could
you
moms:say
moms:it
moms:again?
moms:The
moms:TV
moms:is
moms:loud.”
A
lot
moms:of
moms:things
moms:were
moms:making
noises:noises:
the
noises:air
noises:conditioner,
noises:scraggly
noises:animals
noises:in
noises:cages,
noises:the
noises:rustling
noises:of
noises:papers
noises:under
noises:my
noises:feet
noises:as
noises:I
noises:shifted
noises:my
noises:weight.
noises:I
noises:didn’t
noises:want
noises:to
noises:look
noises:at
noises:them,
noises:but
noises:I
noises:didn’t
noises:want
noises:to
noises:look
noises:at
noises:Mother,
noises:either.
noises:Her
noises:face
noises:had
noises:gotten
noises:blobbier,
noises:fuzzier,
noises:her
noises:eyes
noises:darker.
noises:Bandages
noises:spread
noises:to her
noises:fingers,
noises:bare at
noises:each
noises:joint
noises:and making
noises:her
noises:hands
noises:look
noises:chunky
noises:and
noises:segmented.
“I
said………..”
She
was
noises:saying
noises:words, but
noises:it
noises:was
noises:nothing —
noises:white
noises:noise,
noises:swallowed
noises:up
noises:by
noises:the
noises:lumpy
noises:webs
noises:clinging
noises:to
noises:the
noises:walls.
noises:Every
noises:time
noises:I
noises:was
noises:here,
noises:there
noises:was
noises:that
noises:dizziness,
noises:that
noises:sense
noises:of
noises:things
noises:not
noises:being
noises:real.
noises:Shapes
noises:in
noises:the
noises:corner
noises:of
noises:my
noises:vision
noises:squirmed.
noises:Father
noises:never
noises:said
noises:anything
noises:about
noises:it,
noises:but
noises:then
noises:again,
noises:he
noises:barely
noises:went
noises:into
noises:her
noises:room
noises:anymore.
“Did
you
noises:hear
noises:me?”
“Yes.”
I
noises:hoped
noises:she
noises:wouldn’t
noises:ask
noises:me
noises:to
noises:repeat
noises:it,
noises:but
noises:I
noises:began
noises:to
noises:try
noises:to
noises:guess
noises:what
noises:would
noises:be
noises:the
noises:right
noises:answer.
“Good,
finally.”
noises:She
noises:rearranged
noises:herself
noises:on
noises:the
noises:mattress.
noises:Puffs
noises:of
noises:dust
noises:floated
noises:into
noises:the
noises:air.
noises:I
noises:turn
noises:to
noises:leave
noises:and
noises:rushed
noises:out,
noises:but
noises:in
noises:my
noises:haste
noises:I
noises:knocked
noises:a
noises:box
noises:over,
noises:objects
noises:crashing
noises:into
noises:each
noises:other.
noises:Dust
noises:and
noises:must
noises:filled
noises:my
noises:lungs
noises:and
noises:I
noises:coughed,
noises:my
noises:eyes
noises:watering.
noises:How
noises:could
noises:she
noises:stand
noises:this?
I
scuttled
noises:for
noises:the
noises:door.
noises:The
noises:hallway
noises:was
noises:still
noises:a
noises:mess
noises:of
noises:cobwebs
noises:and
noises:cramped
noises:space,
noises:but
noises:at least
noises:the
noises:walls
noises:were
noises:still
noises:white.
noises:I
noises:leaned
noises:back
noises:and
noises:stared
noises:at
noises:the
noises:ceiling
noises:light,
noises:willing
noises:my
noises:body
noises:back
noises:under
noises:control,
noises:through
noises:my
noises:eyes,
noises:not
noises:some
noises:ghost
noises:over
noises:my
noises:shoulder.
There
was
noises:a
noises:moth
noises:in the
noises:light,
noises:struggling,
noises:crawling
noises:over
noises:its
noises:desiccated
noises:brethren.
noises:How
noises:did
noises:he
noises:even
noises:get
noises:in
noises:there?
noises:Did
noises:he
noises:not
noises:see
noises:the
noises:bodies?
noises:I
noises:thought
noises:to
noises:set
noises:him
noises:free,
noises:but
noises:I
noises:was
noises:too
noises:short
noises:and
noises:there
noises:was
noises:no
noises:room
noises:for
noises:a ladder or
noises:even
noises:a chair. It’s
noises:just
noises:a
noises:moth,
noises:I
noises:told
noises:myself,
noises:it
noises:can’t
noises:comprehend
noises:the
noises:situation
noises:it’s
noises:in.
noises:Maybe
noises:it’ll
noises:just
noises:fall
noises:asleep
noises:and
noises:never
noises:wake
noises:up,
noises:that’s
noises:better
noises:than
noises:being
noises:chewed
noises:up
noises:by
noises:some
noises:creature.
#
I
knew
noises:that things
noises:weren’t
noises:normal.
noises:I
noises:knew
noises:other
noises:people’s
noises:parents
noises:left
noises:the
noises:house,
noises:they
noises:had
noises:people
noises:over
noises:and
noises:knew
noises:their
noises:children’s
noises:friends.
noises:They
noises:let
noises:them
noises:go
noises:out
noises:and
noises:have
noises:fun.
noises:I'd
noises:tried
noises:telling
noises:people
noises:before
noises:about
noises:what
noises:things
noises:were
noises:like
noises:at
noises:home,
noises:but
noises:no
noises:one
noises:believed
noises:me.
noises:I
noises:couldn’t
noises:go
noises:out
noises:because
noises:I’m
noises:grounded,
noises:everyone’s
noises:house
noises:was
noises:messy,
noises:I
noises:was
noises:exaggerating.
Of
course
noises:no
noises:one
noises:believed
noises:me,
noises:I’ve lied
noises:countless
noises:times,
noises:for
noises:little
noises:things
noises:that
noises:don’t
noises:matter,
noises:for
noises:big
noises:things.
noises:Remember
noises:in
noises:third
noises:grade
noises:when
noises:I
noises:lied
noises:to
noises:the
noises:principal?
noises:I always
noises:lied
noises:about
noises:studying.
noises:Everyone
noises:said
that:that:
my
that:classmates,
that:the
that:aides,
that:Mother.
that:I
that:was
that:the
that:accumulation
that:of
that:every
that:mistake
that:I’d
that:ever
that:made, and
that:no
that:one
that:would
that:let
that:me
that:forget
that:it.
But
college...that
that:was
that:a
that:fresh
that:start.
that:No
that:one
that:would
that:know
that:me,
that:I’d
that:have a
that:dorm room, it wouldn’t
that:come
that:pre-loaded
that:with
that:stuff
that:I
that:wasn’t
that:allowed
that:to
that:throw
that:away.
Mother
said
that:she’d
that:take
that:me
that:to
that:visit,
that:but
that:she
that:didn’t
that:leave
that:her
that:room,
that:not
that:even to
that:eat
that:dinner,
that:so
that:I
that:wasn’t
that:disappointed
that:when
that:she
that:didn’t.
that:Father
that:took
that:me
that:to
that:a
that:college
that:that
that:specialized
that:in
that:color
that:science.
that:The
that:campus
that:was
that:open
that:and
that:bathed
that:in
that:the
that:light
that:of
that:the
that:spring
that:sun.
“It
snows
that:a
that:lot,
that:though!”
that:the
that:tour
that:guide
that:said. “It
that:gets
that:cold!”
Insects
didn’t
that:do
that:well
that:in
that:the
that:cold.
that:That
that:meant
that:they
that:wouldn’t
that:be
that:squirming
that:on
that:your
that:clothes
that:or
that:in
that:your
that:books.
that:They
that:wouldn’t
that:find
that:their
that:way
that:into
that:your
that:room.
But
it
that:was
that:an
that:expensive
that:school
that:and all
that:our
that:money
that:went
that:to
that:Mother,
that:for
that:doctors
that:to
that:fix
that:her
that:hands,
that:for
that:more
that:things
that:to
that:fill
that:her
that:room
that:with,
that:things
that:that
that:got
that:trampled
that:underfoot
that:and
that:chewed
that:full of
that:holes.
that:And
that:that,
that:somehow,
that:was
that:my
that:fault.
All
my
that:effort
that:went into
that:studying.
that:After
that:school,
that:I
that:used
that:the
that:small
that:freedoms
that:I
that:had
that:to
that:spin into
that:greater
that:tales
that:of
that:success.
that:Everyone
that:embellished
that:their
that:college
that:application
that:essays,
that:so
that:it
that:was
that:okay.
that:And
that:it
that:wasn’t
that:like
that:anyone
that:would
that:believe
that:the
that:truth.
#
“Show
me
that:the
that:letter.”
that:Her
that:arm
that:reaches
that:out,
that:fingers
that:unfurling
that:in
that:a
that:series
that:of
that:clicks.
that:I
that:can’t
that:tell
that:if
that:I'm
that:seeing
that:dirt
that:or
that:tiny
that:hairs.
that:They
that:waggle
that:at
that:me,
that:waiting.
I
hand it
that:over.
that:She
that:reads,
that:eyes
that:unmoving.
that:A
that:moth
that:lands
that:on
that:the
that:back
that:of
that:the
that:page
that:and
that:flutters,
that:trying
that:to
that:find
that:a
that:grip.
that:There is
that:no
that:way
that:I
that:should
that:feel
that:it
that:from
that:where
that:I
that:stand,
that:but
that:the
that:microcurrent
that:shakes
that:the
that:hanging
that:threads,
that:worms
that:undulating
that:at
that:the
that:disturbance.
that:I
that:can
that:feel
that:their
that:eyes
that:on
that:me,
that:scolding
that:me
that:for
that:daring
that:to
that:disturb
that:their
that:peace.
“Why
didn’t
that:you
that:get
that:a
that:full
that:scholarship?”
that:is
that:all
that:she
that:can
that:say.
“They
save
that:those
that:for
that:the
that:athletes.”
that:And
that:the
that:really
that:smart
that:kids,
that:I
that:leave
that:unsaid;
that:you can’t
that:fib
that:your
that:way
that:to
that:better
that:grades.
“But
it’s
that:so
that:far
that:away,
that:I
that:won’t
that:be
that:able
that:to
that:visit
that:you
that:whenever
that:I
that:want.”
“It’s
the
that:best
that:school
that:for
that:color
that:science.”
that:Lying
that:has
that:gotten
that:easier
that:with
that:time,
that:and
that:she
that:no
that:longer
that:bothers
that:to
that:learn
that:about
that:my
that:life.
that:The
that:only
that:things that
that:she
that:cares
that:about
that:stay
that:in
that:that
that:room.
"Aww,
you
that:want
that:to
that:be
that:just
that:like
that:me!”
In
this
that:room
that:it's
that:difficult
that:to
that:think
that:in words.
that:There’s
that:too
that:much
that:movement.
that:Creatures
that:reach
that:for
that:me
that:through
that:the
that:bars
that:of
that:their
that:cages,
that:moths
that:fly
that:by,
that:worms
that:threaten
that:to
that:drop
that:on
that:me.
that:The
that:bulb
that:and
that:the
that:window,
that:both
that:layered
that:in
that:dust,
that:warp
that:the
that:light
that:into
that:a
that:false
that:hue
that:that
that:your
that:brain
that:thinks
that:is
that:orange.
that:But,
that:under
that:all
that:that,
that:it’s
that:still
that:white.
A
decade
that:and
that:a
that:half
that:ago
that:I
that:sat
that:on
that:that
that:floor.
that:It
that:was
that:clean.
that:The
that:room
that:was
that:full of
that:light.
that:I
that:remember
that:tiny
that:details --
that:the
that:crystal
that:prisms,
that:the
that:rainbows
that:on
that:the
that:wall.
that:Mother
that:was
that:smiling
that:and
that:upright,
that:not
that:hunched
that:over
that:by
that:the
that:weight
that:of
that:her
that:wings.
that:Her
that:hair
that:was
that:long
that:and
that:flowing,
that:not
that:twitching
that:antennae that sensed
that:disturbances
that:in
that:the
that:air.
that:Her
that:hands
that:were
that:soft,
that:warm,
that:with
that:pliable
that:skin
that:and
that:fingerprints.
that:The
that:hands
that:of
that:a
that:human.
that:Of
that:a
that:mother.
How
could
that:such
that:wretchedness
that:share
that:the
that:same
that:space as
that:something
that:that
that:had
that:been
that:so
that:pure,
that:so
that:happy?
that:Maybe
that:that
that:was
that:a
that:lie,
that:too,
that:something
that:I
that:had
that:made
that:up
that:to
that:convince
that:myself
that:that
that:I’d
that:once
that:had
that:a
that:Mother and
that:not...this.
that:This
that:thing that
that:grasps me and chews me full of holes
that:and
that:makes
that:my
that:skin
that:crawl.
that:This
that:thing
that:that
that:no
that:one
that:would
that:believe
that:even
that:if
that:I
that:told
that:them.
“Did
you
that:hear
that:me?”
“That’s
right,”
that:I
that:lie. “I
that:want
that:to
that:be
that:just
that:like
that:you.”
This
was “Moth{er}”
that:by
that:Chase
that:Anderson,
that:read
that:for
that:you
that:by
that:Sierra,
that:the
that:Small
that:Blue
that:One
that:and
that:Ta’kom
that:Ironhoof,
that:the
that:Equine Charmer.
that:You
that:can
that:find
that:more
that:stories
that:on
that:the
that:web
that:at
that:thevoice.dog, or
that:find
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that:you
that:get
that:your
that:podcasts.
that:Thank
that:you
that:for
that:listening
that:to
that:The
that:Ghost
that:of
that:Dog.