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In the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky delves into the transformative journey of self-love and healing. She shares her personal experiences of overcoming emotional barriers and societal pressures, emphasizing the importance of self-care and authenticity. Through candid storytelling, Amie explores how past traumas and learned behaviors can create emotional armor, hindering genuine connections.

She discusses her path to dismantling this armor, fostering self-acceptance, and building trust within herself. This episode offers practical insights and tools for listeners seeking to reclaim their power and cultivate meaningful relationships.

What We Explored This Episode

3:09 Healing Relationships with Masculine Energy

5:05 The Impact of Words and Emotional Armor

6:37 Healing and Compassion at a Co-Ed Retreat

8:09 The Power of Giving and Receiving

9:41 Embracing Vulnerability in Relationships

11:13 Embracing Vulnerability as a Superpower

13:16 The Feminine Movement in 2024

Memorable Quotes

"Love is not a battlefield. It's a garden. To tend to our garden is so important and to remind ourselves that our past does not define us at all."

"I thought wearing the armor of independence made me strong, but the truth is, by shedding it, I became whole."

"Being open is a superpower. Being vulnerable is a superpower. And being empowered and powerful and soft all at once is a beautiful superpower."

Connect With Amie

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amie-barsky/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amiebarskycoaching/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmieBarsky?sub_confirmation=1

Download My Free Breathwork Practice

https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

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Podcast Production & Marketing by FullCast

Love is not a battlefield. It's a garden. To tend to our garden is so important and to remind ourselves that our past does not define us at all. It has shaped us to who we've become today and the change that we seek. If you are seeking partnership, if you're seeking deep love, deep connection, that starts here, that starts within our own hearts first by not abandoning ourselves, really getting connected to our values and standards and living them, being a walking embodiment of them. And so now I feel a warmth and openness that I just didn't know is ever possible. There is a beautiful safety in being the permission slip to be myself, to be exactly who I am. No more pretending, no more playing small. No more hiding.

Hello, hello and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script, and I'm going to show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where I'll share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures. To be perfect, these juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if you're ready, then buckle up. It's time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement. There was a time in my life where I wore the statement, I am an independent and strong woman. Like a suit of armor. I was very proud of this. Little did I know that this armor was keeping me away from what I craved most and what many women crave most in life, love. I was unconsciously pushing love away. Sounds crazy, right? And yet, so many of us are unconsciously doing this. Hey, there it is, your friend and host, Amy Barsky. And welcome back to a solo episode of the I come first podcast. Podcast. This is what we are unpacking today, the armor that blocked me and that could be blocking you from what you truly desire. You see, we heal in layers, and I'm going to share with you how I've been healing my relationship with, one, my own masculine energy, and two, my relationship with men. Be it romantic or platonic, this is what I've been up to these past few years of my own healing journey and I want to share it with you because I think it holds a lot of value. So let's start with asking you a question first.

Have you ever found yourself teasing a man, jokingly insulting him or pointing out his quirks or his missteps? I used to do this all the time. I thought I was flirting, not realizing that I was actually chipping away at the foundation of our connection. This was a dance I had been doing for years, and I started to get curious. Like, where did I learn this from? Well, during our childhood years, we are like sponges. We are soaking up everything around us, mainly mimicking and watching those who raise us. Maybe your parents, your caretakers, grandparents, aunts and uncles and teachers. And so I discovered that I learned this particular behavior from watching the women in my life, specifically my mother, and how she interacted with my father. And I also learned this from my mother's mother, grandmother. And needless to say, this was a very interesting dynamic. So between learning from them, along with a sexual assault as a young girl, being raped at 19, being cheated on by numerous boyfriends, emotional neglect, and verbal abuse, the armor became thick.

And a pattern was born from all of these painful experiences. My heart was so wounded. It built up walls of this independence, this pride in my resilience and in control of everything. What's interesting, though, is I actually thought I was keeping myself safe. But the truth was I was keeping myself separate, and that's the last thing I actually wanted. So what this looked like in my romantic relationships is it looked like me holding onto the reins so tightly, afraid to let a man lead me. A huge lack of trust and an underlying energy of, like, I can do that better than you. And honestly, I was really proud that I could do everything by myself, never asking for help or accepting help. I literally wore this like a badge of honor on my sleeve. And you know what else I did? I was keeping parts of myself, hidden parts of my past, because I was often afraid to share it because, I was told most of my youth, I am too sensitive, too much, too loud, too opinionated, too intense, too emotional, and sometimes too sassy. And so I began to shut down because shutting down was so much easier than feeling rejected. And honestly, like, sometimes the words that I would use as shields, like these insults and condescending remarks, and I had no idea, like, literally no idea, how harmful my words were to another human being. And underneath this thick armor, honestly, was a hurt little girl. A little girl who simply wanted to feel loved, to feel understood, to feel cherished, to feel like she was a priority, that she belonged. And this journey to healing, it's been slow at times because my ego wanted to prove my righteousness at first. So definitely stumbling along the way, but most importantly, always moving forward. I got to work with some of the top trauma coaches around the world, and I began to chip away at this armor, dismantle this armor, start to build a very deep trust within myself because. Because that was lacking, because there was a lot of self abandoning. And I also got to accept myself, accept the experiences I've been through, the choices that I've made, even the painful ones. And along with that, stepping into reclaiming my power.

You know, just the other weekend, I attended a beautiful co ed retreat hosted by Sacred Sons. This was their first co ed retreat ever. And to be in a space to be witnessed by men, to allow myself to be held by these incredible human beings who were going through their own healing journeys, helped me build such a deep level of compassion for them. We got to be in a space where I got to speak my truth. I really got to be with the things that I would be afraid to say to men because I was afraid of that rejection, that abandonment, that judgment from others. Only because I've been learning and learning and learning that I was doing that to myself. You know, I was abandoning myself. I was judging myself all these years. So this is what I've been up to, to be able to reclaim my power, to take my power back, because a lot of times I was handing it over to the relationship, thinking that you're the one who needed to make me happy. You needed to do x, y, and z for me to feel loved and feel belonging and feel important and feel like a priority and feel like I was chosen. But the truth was, I wasn't choosing myself. And so I've been on this journey of reclaiming my worth. And a big piece of this healing is about creating the safety within ourselves. And so, as I've been creating the safety within myself, like, I got my back. No matter what, no matter what happens externally, internally, I've got me, and I've created really deep roots to my values, a deep, loving relationship with my own masculine energy. And this has created such a beautiful transformation for me. What's been unfolding for me is I've learned. I've learned how to receive and be held not just by the masculine, but by humans who love to give. Have you ever given to somebody and it feels so good to provide for them, whether it was a cup of coffee or a ride to the airport or a hug. When we give ourselves an opportunity to let someone give us something and fully open and receive it, be in that receivership energy. It is a game changer. It is such a game changer. I swear it's been so powerful and potent in my life.

I also learned how to speak up for myself and ask for what I need, like get clear on what those needs are and ask giving others the opportunity to joyfully support me. And as I was mentioning earlier, a great deep appreciation and compassion and a whole new level of respect for men and the empathy for what their journeys are as well. Sometimes I kept making it all about myself. It was all about me. It was all about me. When the truth is when you're in partnership, it is a both and and creating this safety to fully show up for yourself, for your needs and for your partner to accept them for all that they are, all that they bring to the table. Because almost always we are literally two wounded little children with shield of armor in front of our hearts, so desperately wanting to feel loved, wanting to feel accepted, wanting to be held and seen and just feeling delicious around another human being. And then it doesn't matter what was the past, it's the present, the present moment of how we're living our lives now and what we are leaning into to continue our healing journeys together. That's the game. So allowing myself to be held by these men and I'm finding joy and letting them lead me. This is such a fun game for me these days and this one was really hard for me. However, it's happening and I'm loving it. Being seen in my mess, not having to have it all together, coming in messy and simply sharing from a vulnerable, vulnerable space. This is a key factor when it comes to romantic relationships because men want to provide for us. They want to be that energy of like stability and consistency and create that safe container to also hold us as well as much as we are also holding ourselves. So through this journey, I've come to understand love is not a battlefield.

It's a garden to tend to our garden is so important and to remind ourselves that our past does not define us at all. It has shaped us to who we've become today and the change that we seek. If you are seeking partnership, if you're seeking deep love, deep connection that starts here, that starts within our own hearts first by not abandoning ourselves, really getting connected to our values and standards and living them, being a walking embodiment of them. And so now I feel a warmth and openness that I just didn't know is ever possible. There is a beautiful safety in being the permission slip to be myself, to be exactly who I am. No more pretending, no more playing small. No more hiding. To notice that my superpowers are actually pretty freaking awesome. Being open is a superpower. Being vulnerable is a superpower. And being empowered and powerful and soft all at once is a beautiful superpower. So now this newfound harmony, it simply ripples out through all aspects of my life. And it's creating so much joy and overflow and an internal vibrancy that ignites my life every single day. What I've realized by shedding this armor, I thought it was going to make me become weak. But the truth is, I became whole. And in wholeness, I found the love, the support, the connections that I've always craved within all my relationships. Most importantly, the relationship with myself. So if this story resonates with you, if you notice that there is armor around your heart, I want you to know first and foremost that you're not alone. That I get you. I get it. And I also want you to know that you are so courageous and brave to have survived whatever it is that has caused this armor to be there in the first place. You are so resilient. And it's also important to know that your greatest choice in the world is to take your power back. Your power is your greatest asset. To feel empowered from the inside out. Not from an egoic way, but from the inside out, aligned with your desires, your goals, your dreams, your standards, your values, all of that. And so if you're like me and you desire to feel free and feel safe, to be who you really are, your fully expressed self, to feel alive and lit up in your life, it is time, my friend, to put your sword down, to be the leader of your life. It's time to rewrite that story, to change the way you think about yourself, the way we think about others, it's time to change the dynamics of what relationships get to feel like and look like. I mean, my gosh, it is 2024.

We are at the precipice of something so big here in the area called the feminine movement. So it starts with you. And I would love it. I would absolutely love it if you reached out to me. Please send me a private message through my instagram account at amybarsky coaching. I am so here for this, and I am so excited to connect with you. And of course, if it feels aligned, I could possibly support you on your journey. But from my heart to yours, just know that you don't have to go through any of this alone, and you deserve to feel so alive and ignited and vibrant in your very own life. I hope this served and supported you into a deeper understanding of your connection to your own masculine and feminine energy and what's possible. That we get to stop punishing men and we get to take full ownership of ourselves, our energy, how we show up and really design a life that feels good in relationship to ourselves and others so that we can feel deep intimacy in those that we love. So thank you so much for listening. And again, please feel free to reach out to me. I would absolutely love, love, love to hear from you and I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. And I'm sending you a big giant hug. Until next time, thanks for tuning into today's episode.

I know your time is valuable and I'm so grateful that we get a chance to share this space together. If you're wanting more from myself or any of my guests right now, I am a hell yes to that. I love your enthusiasm, so let's make it happen. Simply check out the links in the show notes for all the information on the latest offerings, programs and possibilities to connect outside this space. Or feel free to send me a DM on Instagram amybarskycoaching and of course, if you have any reflections or feedback, I am all ears. Also, if you feel this episode supported you, will you please leave a rating and a review. Your reviews really help people to discover the show and if you know of anyone you feel would benefit from this podcast, please pass it along. A special thanks to my parents for always watching over me and for my team at fullcast for making this show possible. I cant wait to be back in your ears next week. Trust me, you won't want to miss this next episode.