RE-VIEW ALERT: Holiday Showdown – Revisiting Episode 28 of Review That Review 🎅🌟

Step back to December 15, 2021, as we RE-VIEW Episode 28 of Review That Review! The Queens face off in a holiday-themed 1-Star versus 5-Star showdown featuring Yelp reviews for Macy’s Santaland. This famous Christmas tradition of visiting Santa inside a department store has deep roots at Macy’s, and the Queens dive into the good, the bad, and the festive! Trey’s flame burns bright as he counts down the days, Chelsey channels Scrooge McDuck in a sea of junk, and the Queens are ready for FiestaMaiden and HammondCheeseSandWitch to go head-to-head! 🎄

Episode 28 Highlights:

• Santaland Showdown: The Queens compare a 1-Star and a 5-Star Yelp review for Macy’s Santaland—who will win this holiday face-off? 🎅
• Holiday Fun: Trey needs the days to stop, Chelsey swims in a sea of holiday junk, and the Queens are all in for a festive battle! 🎄

Timestamps:

• (04:45) Lodge a Complaint!
• (15:21) Santaland 1-Star Review
• (32:46) Meryl-Go-Round
• (38:40) Santaland 5-Star Review
• (53:22) My Royal Highness
• (57:14) Royal Review

Enjoyed the episode? Don’t forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support really helps! 🌟

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About the Show:

Review That Review is an independent podcast produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn. Sound design and editing by Trey Gerrald. Cover art by LogoVora. Theme song by Joe Kinosian, sung by Natalie Weiss. Voiceover by Eva Kaminsky.

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Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

It's me, Santa, from Macy's!

Um, now, this is Baby, It's Time to Review That Review!, episode 28, which originally aired on December 15th, 2021.

Super fun, super nostalgic.

If you're a miracles on 34th Street guy, gal, queen, I think you'll like this.

Don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

As you know, it really helps us a lot and we so appreciate you.

Enjoy this flashback episode and happy holidays.

Love you, Queens.

Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!,

Hello.

Oh,

my gosh.

Hi.

Hello, listeners.

Welcome to Review That Review.

We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing

reviews.

We're just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

That voice is Chelsey Donn,

and that voice is Trey Gerrald,

and our voices together are

the Review Queens.

And if you want to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content, including a members only after show podcast, visit our Patreon page at patreon.

com slash review that review, Chelsey girl.

I've missed you.

We had a proper week off.

How's

your

week been?

I

know.

It's crazy.

I mean, it really does feel like I haven't seen you in eons.

My week was a little dulled without you.

I'm gonna be honest.

Are you calling me a flamer?

I'm not intentionally.

You could adapt as you will.

But no, no, it was a good week.

I went to an art show in person for Ashley Longshore, who is my mother's favorite artist.

So she insisted that I go.

But that being said, it was amazing.

Her art is incredible.

She's amazing.

I had a good time.

I just am happy whenever I do anything that resembles like pre 2020 life, you know?

Of course.

How about you?

How was your week?

Where were you, Trey?

I

had a good week.

We took a week off because I went to visit my nephews and sister and former Royal Highness inductee brother in law.

Yes, that's right.

Uh, in Charlotte, North Carolina.

We had a lovely trip and it was really nice.

And here we are, we are back in the full swing of things with a very fun episode.

I can't wait to jump in.

I

know I'm so like, Delighted.

If you're on Patreon right now, you might have a little bit of a sneak peek.

My green screen game has been upped significantly.

I don't know if you guys remember when I told you about the issue with the skateboard girl and how she made it very unrealistic.

I returned that green screen and I, I bought a new one that is, it was a little bit more and I was hesitant to buy it the first time.

As we know, sometimes you get what you pay for.

And this one is so much better, which I'm very happy about.

But mostly I think Trey is thrilled.

It looks gorgeous.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Screw

Skateboard Girl.

Get her out of here.

Yes.

Was there anyone interesting on the cover of this box?

They weren't going as much with the gimmick as the other one, which in this case, I actually liked.

They had a video of somebody truly unboxing the item.

And then I also went to the reviews, you know, as I do, and I saw in the comment section, a customer had also posted a video.

So between those two things, I was pretty confident.

I was gonna be okay.

I'm not gonna lie.

There were some negative reviews.

So there was a part of me that was a little worried, but thank God all has worked out.

You know and with all that gratitude for companies that are truthful and honest, Trey, Do you have a complaint that you want to lodge?

You know, I think that I really would love to.

Lodge a complaint.

Today, I am going to lodge a complaint against a trend that has been growing, especially in the world of social media.

I am so sick of these arbitrary, made up, social influencer, national holidays.

Hashtag National Dog Day, which is different than National Pet Day, which is different from National Cat Day.

Okay, I just want you to see I have two sticky notes here.

I've done some research.

This is just a list.

I'm not talking about like actual national holidays,

right?

Of course, you're talking about World Donut Day.

Okay, let me tell you, I just, this is just a few I've written down.

It's a lengthy list.

Please hold your applause to the end.

Okay,

Pi Day, which is, um, not,

well, that's 314.

Not, not March 14th, which you think it would be.

This is December 1st, which is PIE day.

We also have Mutt Day.

We have Mud Mutt.

Like mud mutt, like a A mixed breed dog.

A mutt.

Oh,

mutt.

Oh wow.

Okay.

Faux fur day.

Bartender Day Brownie day.

Pretend to be a time Traveler Day.

App day today.

December 15th, unless you're listening late, is Cupcake Day, We also have a Date Nut Bread Day, Coffee Cake Day, Girl Me Too Day, Barbershop Quartet Day, Yellow Bat Day, A Raisin Day, A Bugs Bunny Day, Why?

Okay, then I, just to complete my complaint, Chelsey, do you know what national holidays are observed on your day of birth, which is June 22nd?

Are they bad?

Kissing Day.

Oh, I like that.

I

don't know why that's not Valentine's Day.

HVAC Tech

Day.

HVAC Tech Day.

Same as you, baby.

And then Onion, it's also Onion Ring Day.

Which I don't like Onion Ring.

You want to hear what's nationally holiday celebration days on my day of birth, which is March 14th?

Pie Day P.

I.

That makes sense.

Sure.

Learn About Butterflies Day and Potato Chip Day.

Anyway, I hate these.

I hate them.

I hate when they pop.

It seems like every other day is dog day.

It's like, why?

Why?

Why?

Marketing.

It's just, it makes me so angry.

I don't care.

I don't care that it's celebrate pumpkin butterfly cupcake day.

Get out of town.

I don't care.

I hate it.

It's so obnoxious.

Just be creative when you post things online.

You don't need an excuse.

And that's my complaint.

Complaint lodged, added to the ledger.

Completely agree.

It's gotten out of hand.

Yeah, it started with the hashtags and Instagram, I think really, really up the national whatevers.

Day.

But you're right,

especially because no one knows what it is until you see that someone else has posted and then you're like,

oh, it's, yeah.

And then I feel bad like, oh, I didn't post a picture of my dog on National Dog Day, or National Pet Day, or National Animal.

I, I don't know.

It's just too many things.

National Puppy Day.

Exactly.

Whatever.

All right.

That's my complaint.

Go for it, Chelsea.

What about you?

heated

about your complaint.

It happens.

What do you want to complain about today?

I want to complain about junk mail.

Have we done this before?

I don't know, but I think it's time.

If we haven't, then, I mean, we're, we're sleeping at the wheel.

Like, what is with the junk mail?

I feel like every day it gets worse.

You know how they say you spend, like, however much percentage of your life asleep?

Like, it's like you spend a third of your life asleep.

Right.

I think there's a very heavy portion of that chart that is me just deleting emails.

I think I've unsubscribed from Best Buy like six times and yet it keeps happening.

It's like promotion at bestbuy.

com, sales rep at bestbuy.

com, email twice a week at bestbuy.

com.

It's like 700 accounts.

Unbelievable.

I spend so much of my time like any time that I have free from doing other things.

You will find me erasing junk mail because I also I'm, you know, I'm kind of OCD.

So I really do not like my email inbox to be overloaded.

Me too.

It's like, seriously bothers me.

Like, if I have 20 emails that are kind of unread, there are 20 emails that are unread for a reason, because I need to get back to them.

Otherwise, get out of there, because I need to stay focused.

Ah, just the amount of time.

What are we going to do about it, Trey?

It is interesting.

How do we fix it?

I hadn't really thought about that.

It is something that I will mindlessly do throughout the day.

It's like, because I like to keep my email clean.

Yeah.

I wasn't even conscious that I do that.

I'm also someone that cannot have a bubble notification.

So like a text, I can't have the red circle.

No, no, no.

I can't know.

That like something has been unattended to and it's something that I've recently last couple of months have been letting go of is I have to open it so that the little like red bubble appears like that, that it has been open, that it

goes away

for years, I would have to open it so that it would change from like white to gray, meaning that it has been opened and then I would delete it, which I don't know what that says about me.

Subscribe

Okay, because I, when I delete emails, I don't even open the email, I just like, in the iPhone, I just do the slidey, that,

but I used to be so neurotic that I had to open

it,

I wouldn't even look at it, I just needed the color to change, showing that it had been opened, before I would delete it,

That's a commitment.

That's a weird thing.

So that's even more time than Trey.

I mean, imagine if we added up all that time.

I think both of us would be very upset.

You know, it makes me think about waiting in long lines, which I think

makes me think about

something that Has, uh, been on my mind and I think that it's time, Chelsey, for you and I to go head to

head.

Let's do it.

I got my boxing gloves on.

When I was a kid, my dad bought boxing gloves for me and my sister so that we could duke it out, actually, if we had a fight, which some parents might say was bad parenting, but I think it was a great idea.

I appreciate your father's commitment to non gender stereotypes.

I applaud that.

It's very progressive for the 80s.

Yeah, I'm ready.

I got my gloves on, Trey.

Let's do this.

Alright,

here we go.

Assess

that kvetch!

Alright, everyone, today is yet again a Versus episode!

Woo!

It's And

Chelsey and I are going to cover a one star review.

And a five star review on the same topic, Macy's Santaland.

That's right, Santa.

Get that beard nice and tight.

So for this versus episode, that was very weird.

I just meant because when it's fake, it's like they could just rip it down, you know, like pull it.

Okay.

Now I, we need to say what Santaland is in case anyone is confused.

I did write this down.

Miracle on 34th Street, the like newer one with, with Mara Wilson, I mean the newer being that it was the 90s.

But I think that the original took place there as well.

Oh, really?

Okay, 90s

one.

Miracle on 34th Street.

No, I know, but I'm just saying.

Okay.

Oh, right.

I'm an idiot.

Yes.

Okay.

There we go.

Okay.

So just so everyone is up to snuff, Santaland is very famous because in the early 1860s,

Oh my God.

The Macy's department store headquarters, which is in Herald Square, Manhattan, created a visit with Santa Claus experience.

And it has been going strong ever since.

Ever since, I did not know this was since the 1800s.

Wow.

The early 1860s.

So then, so their website claims that more than 200, 000 guests have visited Santa Land inside Macy's Herald Square alone almost every year since 1977.

So they

weren't tallying people prior to 1977.

Right.

So it's been even more.

So, and it's, you know, it's just a wonderful Macy's tradition that started at that flagship store.

And also most people will know that Macy's right in front of their store, they host the Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Christmas Day Parade.

That's right.

Yes.

Macy's Day Parade.

And also it's very competitive to be the Santa.

I mean, because it's the real one, right?

We don't have kids listening to this.

I

know we should sort of say like, don't let kids listen to this because we're going to be, we're going to be real.

Okay.

All right.

So that's what Santa Lana is in case anyone didn't really know.

So it's like the most premium version of like the mall Santa Claus.

I'll

Yeah, the creme de la creme.

And it is a village that is like taking over multiple levels and multiple floors.

If you're on Patreon, you can see just like a tiny portion of it on Chelsea's green screen, but they hire hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people to portray elves.

And there's all these little houses and villages I've never been.

Okay.

And they start pretty early, right?

They start like in November, like very, they're, they're on this.

I

would imagine it's After Thanksgiving, maybe even the week of Thanksgiving.

All right,

this is a versus episode and Trey selected the five star.

I selected the one star.

We got to figure out who's going to go first.

Trey's got the quarter ready.

I think, am I guessing?

You guess this time.

Okay, so I'm going to guess flip that quarter, Trey.

And I'm going to catch it this time.

I'm like, okay, four weeks ago.

Okay, heads, that's tails.

Okay, that's fine.

I've been on a losing streak with a quarter, but that means we are going to hear the five star review first from Trey.

So let's hear it RQT.

Okay, here we go.

Review That Review!

Okay, so I was really, Stuck with choosing between these two, so I think it is worthy of me doing the other one on the Patreon on the after show,

Okay, okay, fair,

Only because it's like, I cannot pick one or the other, So Sophie's Choice, Okay, so today I have a five star review from Yelp that is written by Marianne W.,

Now, Marianne Do you

think it's Marianne Williamson?

It's not, which I love that you just asked, um, because I'm gonna, we're gonna get there.

Okay.

You do need to know that Marianne is an elite reviewer.

They have written over 2, 500 reviews.

Oh, my God.

That's a lot.

That's like more time than the emails.

They have attached 39, 742 images.

Stop.

And whatever the person logo means, it says 5, 000.

So

I think that that's the people that have like clicked.

Like I liked it.

I thought it was funny.

It was helpful.

Okay.

So this is the five star review from Marianne W.

Williamson,

possibly debatable.

And this is from Yelp for Macy's Santaland.

Can't wait.

Santaland is a land of fantasy and dreams.

It's also a huge money making machine.

Every year it's set up and the space fills with wide eyes and open mouths.

The twinkling lights are a treat for your eyes.

The sweet delights will be tantalizing your taste buds as you navigate.

The space, I can't forget to mention Santa, He visits every year, I remember the only time my parents brought me when I was little, I wanted a Susie Walker doll that Christmas.

When he asked me if I had been good, I said yes, Then he asked if I ate all my peas, Typical question in the 1950s, I lied and said yes, While my parents corrected me, Guess what?

I got the doll that Christmas morning, In fact, looking back at the pictures from that year, I believe it is my most memorable and happiest Christmas mornings, The time when you have not been jaded by the cruel reality of life.

Our financial situation changed dramatically shortly after.

Well, that's my story about Santa's land.

When I dig out my holiday decorations, I may find the photos from that year.

I will try to remember to post them here.

I was a cute little devil, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

What?!

What?

Okay.

What?

That's

not a review of Santa Land!

Um, I just, I'm starting to wonder how Marianne thinks that Yelp should be used.

She's an elite reviewer!

She's, she must, but she must really get into, it's almost like a short story, you know?

I was trying to think, What does Marianne do?

Maybe it is Marianne Williamson.

So, 78 people have found it useful, 49 people found it funny, and 71 found it cool.

Alright, what of this, like, because I got so lost in the story, were we ever given any information about Santaland, or was it just like my experience, this is my personal narrative essay for my college admissions, about my relationship to Macy's Santaland?

What I get from Marianne's review is that Marianne went once in the 1950s and left a review three years ago.

I

think you're right.

That's why, like, honestly, it was sort of a twist at the end.

It got so dark when they lost the money.

It got so dark about the financial changes.

Like, I actually, like, gasped.

It was just so sad.

I felt so bad for Marianne's family.

Also, I thought it was funny when she was like, I was a cute little devil, like.

How old do we think Marianne is?

I mean, if they were a kid that wanted a doll

and

was asked if they ate their peas in the 1950s, they're, you know, today, they're probably, they

were probably born in the 40s.

I would think, yeah, I would think they would be around under 10, probably.

Right.

So they're at least late 50s, 60s now.

Oh, that's way, no, they're way older than that.

If they were born in the 40s, Trey.

Oh, 70.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

Um, I like, I'm thinking it's like 2000.

Um, I know

I do that all the time.

And then they have attached a bunch of images that are not pictures from their visit in the 1950s, but random images of like the tiny little scary, like window dolls.

Okay, do we think that those are, like, stock images, or do we think that Marianne just walks by the window and takes pictures?

I

think based on, like, the angle of the camera and, like, the quality of the images, I think that Marianne took these herself.

Okay, great.

Well, at least there's that.

So, uh, I don't really know why, I'm not really able to break down the psychology, but I will say that a very large part of Mary Ann W.

's identity is that she is this Yelp elite reviewer, I will say.

I think she takes this very seriously.

Marianne sees something on the street, doesn't matter if she's gone inside or not, she's gonna write a review about it.

I can draw that conclusion from this because Marianne basically opens up by saying, It's wonderful.

It's a money making machine.

But boy, those twinkling lights are a treat and there are some delicious delights that will just tantalize you.

It's like I'm doing a tongue twister.

Well, that's

why, yes, well, that's why I was like, when did they, because I was like, I remember at one point they did give some information that was applicable to Santaline at Large.

Like I wrote down that they said that it was a money making machine because I actually like that they, said that like and it's a five star review like that kind of makes me feel better when they're like it is a money making machine but to me it's still magic so that message i think is a is a good one

but i will tell you it's free you don't there's no admission fee

but It's drawing a crowd into Macy's, and you're online, and I'm sure there's impulse buys online, like, Macy's isn't dumb, they haven't been doing this for a thousand years, exactly, but

to your point here, Marianne begins this review with five sentences, and the sixth sentence is, I can't forget to mention Santa, and then it's two paragraphs about their personal experience from 70 years ago.

I'm

Do we think that Macy's keeps the tradition exactly the same?

Like, do you think that Marianne having this memory is, you know, an indication that a kid today might have a similar experience?

Okay, so I'm not sure, but I do think that the value that comes from this hilarious, like, review that seems pretty empty is the fact that it was one moment in this human's life Who is in their possible 70s that is so vivid that they did take the time to go back and write a review Because it is that much of a milestone moment in their life.

That's what I'm saying.

Like I feel like in I take, you know, writing classes sometimes and in one of my writing classes, one of the things we do is we, we sort of archive things that happened at every age of our life.

Like we take, you know, 20 minutes and 0 to 5, 5 to 10, etc.

And you're sometimes amazed by like, wow, this trip to Macy's where I had this exchange about the peas and the, like, it's, It's that was a memory that I didn't realize I have and sometimes you then end up taking that and putting it into the film Right because it was like did you eat your peas?

And then it's this whole narrative about how You didn't but you lied but your parents got it anyway And that was like this like high high moment that was like the top before you took the roller coaster way way way down So I think that there's story here.

There's imagery and it's very interesting I just wonder if Marianne almost does this exercise and then every time one of her memories is associated with something, she plucks it out and uses it as an excuse to take that entire day to just write back to back to back reviews.

You know, we will never know unless we go through, Do you think if

we submitted this on Marianne's behalf to a short story contest, it's possible she would place?

I think that you could turn this into a lifetime movie.

No question.

I think so, too.

Like,

this could be a Hallmark movie.

Do you

think we should option this review, Trey?

Should we, should we get the IP?

I'm not that interested, but I think someone should.

Here's a, here, look, another Shark Tank idea.

Here you go.

Look at that.

Okay.

And I'm assuming that the spelling grammar was great.

I

mean, I'm assuming that the It may be you are right here.

Yes, Marianne really took a long time to craft it.

The plosives and the very like

the descriptive language and it's beautifully written.

I really do like to know the personal.

I really do like to know this person's life, their story, their relationship to whatever it is that they are reviewing because For me, in a world where there's so many bots, first of all, the specificity is delicious, just as like someone who, who likes to read that kind of stuff.

And also, it really makes me believe that this is a truthful experience.

And it's a unique experience that only exists in this person's memory.

But

then that's okay.

So is this a common experience I can expect?

Or do was this a fluke?

I mean, it was 70 years ago.

Well, that's why it, it's hard to say.

That's why I'm wondering, like, I, I hate to say it.

'cause again, thank you Marianne, for all the details that you gave us.

But no, I don't really think that we can expect this to be a typical analysis because it's not present day,

I would imagine in today's culture.

Santa's probably not allowed to ask if you've eaten your peas.

I think they can probably ask if you've been good or bad.

But I think you probably because what if someone has a pea allergy?

And then that's like a whole issue.

Or like, what if someone has something, you know, it's like, I feel like they probably can't ask specifics like that.

Sometimes I hate like, it's fine.

Do you know what a Susie Walker doll is?

No, I don't feel like maybe like our parents would.

Also, she, Marianne capitalizes Christmas.

Morning, both times that they say it.

What do you think Marianne's job was or is?

Birdseye and does microwavable peas.

Oh my God.

I think you're so right.

Um, I, so was there humor in this?

I mean, it was funny that they like got so like to your point, like a little bit of like personal storytelling is really impactful when it's balanced with information.

I don't think that there's any information here other than here's my five star review.

Go From 70 years ago, and it is burned in to my body as a positive experience,

Right.

And that's pretty valuable.

Yeah.

And

if we're going by like brass tacks, though, of I'm going to Yelp because I want to know, like, should I do this?

Shouldn't I do this?

If we're being honest, there's really no information here that would help me make that decision.

I would have to do a lot more

deeper digging.

Yeah.

You know, in order to figure it out.

Do we think we're ready to crown?

I, I, I think I'm ready to crown Miriam.

All right, let's do it.

All right.

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards.

In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

The

queens are tabulating.

You ready?

All right, I'm ready.

Total

score.

Okay, I'm holding up two crowns.

Trey is holding up two and a half crowns.

I'll go first.

I gave Marianne two crowns because I liked her passion and I like that she had something to share with us today.

I like getting to know about her personal life and I like getting to know that, you know, it's possible to have such a Profound memory from going to Macy's Santaland, but that was really all I could give Marianne.

I had to take all the rest of the crowns away because there wasn't a lot of information there that I found particularly useful to the reader.

So that was why I gave Marianne two crowns.

Trey, why did you give Marianne two and a half?

So I did two and a half because it's a little less than middle of the road to me.

I do find this to be an empty review.

Other than what we've like literally beaten over the head is like, okay, this must have been a profound moment.

Right.

But you know, if you haven't been here in over 50 years or 70 years, like, Should you write a review?

Does your opinion

hold water?

I

mean, who knows?

Different conversation.

But I appreciated that Mary Ann shared that, you know, their life took a dismal turn after this wonderful experience as a child.

Yeah, that

was

sad.

But, um, they didn't upload the images, like they teased at the end of the review, but they did have a really great spelling.

So, you know, for that reason, I did two and a half.

Not exactly middle of the road.

But Uh, I mean, there was some substance, but really lacking.

So that was why I did two and a half.

Great.

All right.

I think that it's funny to me that you think middle of the road is three, because to me, middle of the road is two and a half.

Oh, well, I guess it is now that we have these, the half card.

Right?

Right.

Good.

So you gave it a full middle of the road.

All right.

So let's take a quick break.

And when we come back, we're going to hear Chelsey's, uh, one star review of Macy's Santa Land.

And boy, I can't wait to hear that.

I love it.

BRB!

BRBZ!

Hold your crown.

We'll be right back.

Chelsey and I are so excited to share this exclusive Review Queen offer from superchewer.

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I

don't know if you guys remember when I had the band aid on my finger because Goldie had bitten me so bad that I was actually drawing blood from her biting and with the BarkBox superchewer situation.

Thank God she has something else to chew on besides my fingers, is all I'm gonna say, so.

Did you get a subscription?

I have, my sister signed me up for a subscription, which is very kind of her.

I mean, it's been extremely helpful, just saying.

All

right, let's um, let's come back from the break.

Let's do it.

I need to take a breath.

That's my Christmas bell.

Oh my God.

But it's not our Christmas episode, that's next week.

Anyway, Chelsey, it's time for us to take a non Christmas episode little spin on

the Meryl Go Round.

Oh my god, it's game time.

I don't feel like an icon, most of the days I feel like I can't.

That's with an A.

Here's the deal, Trey and I have each picked a rotten, scathing, pithy, one star zinger, 30 seconds on the clock.

We'll take turns trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.

Just like Queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.

Before the clock runs out.

All right, Chels, what you got?

You guys know I love bringing in unique products that I didn't even know existed.

So right now, I'm going to read you guys a one star review for Swiss Miss Lucky Charms Hot Chocolate, which as presented on the box, is essentially a Swiss.

Miss Hot Chocolate Packet, that instead of the marshmallows, it's actually the marshmallows from Lucky Charms.

Just saying.

They're magically delicious.

They're magically I don't know if I'm like, grossed out or intrigued.

It's like somewhere between the two.

But I do know what Contact 1320 thought.

Contact 1320 gave Swiss Miss Lucky Charms mix One Star, their title of their review is, No Cocoa Hot Cocoa Mix, and the review is, No Hot Cocoa Mix At All, Only Marshmallows With No Punctuation, Contact.

All right.

So today, Chelsey, I'm going to strap you in on David Sedaris's one person show.

We'll The Santaland Diaries, probably being done somewhere at a community theater near you.

I love that.

Thanks,

Trey.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Here we go.

TLC reality show.

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows.

Film

the water.

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows.

Televangelist.

No hot cocoa mix at all, only

marshmallows, Auctioneer,

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows,

Yankee,

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows,

Very good,

Thank you, That's all.

I was imagining that I was like a barista on my TLC reality show.

For

Bartender Day.

Yeah, exactly.

For National Bartender Day.

So you got, um, five.

Good job, Queen.

Thank you.

I've really been trying to be more specific about my, um, performance.

Okay, Trey, tell us where your One Star Zinger is from today.

Okay, so I have a One Star Review from show first.

New Site, Gold Star,

Okay.

I don't know what it is.

Um, so this is a one star review for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular Starring The Rockettes.

This review is written by Maria A.

Pantoja Burgos.

Okay.

So this is written by Maria B.

Maria

A.

I thought you said A.

Pantoja Burgos.

I don't know if A is the middle name or, I thought Pantoja Bergos was,

Oh, so Maria, okay, P.

Okay, this is from Maria.

This

is Maria's One Star Zinger.

We had greats, Thanks, Loved and Enjoyed the Show.

Wait, what?

Wait, so why is it one star?

I didn't even finish!

Oh god, okay.

We and enjoyed the show,

my family, and it's a one star review.

And it's one star.

Alright, so there's a little bit of confusion for Maria P.

Yeah.

Maybe in Maria P.

's Mind, one means five.

Like, number one.

I don't know, but Maria has left four other reviews on Gold Star, so.

Oh,

okay.

All right.

Well, good to know.

So what am I strapped in on?

You're strapped into a sled, Trey, so get yourself ready, because a sled is the thing I was, like, very terrified of as a child.

Like, does not seem safe, but strap yourself in however you strap yourself into a sled, okay?

Okay, I'm in.

I'm ready.

Let's do this.

Three, two, one, go!

Courtroom Drama, We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

Adult Film,

We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

Pop Star, We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

Shakespeare,

We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family.

3, 2,

1, Was that only 3?

4?

No, Trey, I think we might have That's 4!

What did I get?

You got 5!

Oh, I won!

It's a Christmas miracle!

On 34th Street.

I'm so proud of you.

See your streak?

You're back.

You're a

winner.

And I really tried to commit to the performance.

I hope it came across.

Review That Review!

Alright, we are back from that game break, and now it is Chelsey's turn!

It is my turn, let's do it, I have a one star review of Macy's Santa Land, it is also from Yelp, it is written by Tara C., Tara C.

is not an elite reviewer, but Tara C.

did include a photograph of, I assume, her daughter on the lap of Santa, um, this review was written A little over two years ago, and this is heresy,

warning, this experience will ruin Christmas, This is the first review I've ever written on Yelp because I feel compelled to spare some other unknowing guests this awful experience, Beside the fact that although having a reservation on a Tuesday midday, my family, eight year old and four year old, still waited Two hours.

I know, I know, it's Christmas time in New York City.

I expected to wait, but not in a tiny red hallway, getting jammed in by elves and probably contracting God knows what for two hours.

Had I known at the beginning how long it would take, we would have left, but carry on, we did, Santaland, once you actually get in, is a joke, Everything seems old and just gross, I didn't want my kids touching anything, I'm attaching a photo of the Santa we finally did Go ahead and zoom in.

I need to write no more on that.

Seriously, Macy's?

This was the best Santa you could get?

Had my children not had a really incredible experience elsewhere, this Macy's Santa would have ruined Christmas for my children.

I'd never get them to believe after this.

My eight year old gasped when she saw Santa and said, Oh my God, this is the fakest Santa I've ever seen.

My four year old wondered why kids were going into different rooms with different Santas.

So unless you want to ruin the Christmas magic for your children, do not come here.

I mean, we got to zoom in on this photo, which I,

is it just like that

bad?

It's definitely a fake beard.

Okay.

And like I said before, ordinarily, like it was quite an honor to be the Macy's Santa, you know, like I know a few Santas personally.

Um, or relatives of Santa, I guess.

I don't know.

I know a few people that dress as Santa and they all have real beards.

Yeah, I would think that you would have, that that would be a prerequisite, but yeah, this

Santa does definitely does not have a real beard.

Oh yeah.

Can't really get a

good gauge on the age of the Santa, but the Santa has a fake beard, a fake moustache, Fake eyebrows, fake white curly hair coming out of the hat, That being said, and I don't know that like, this does much, the costume is excellent,

right?

I'm like, here, I'm gonna share so that Patreon can see.

Yeah, it's a nice costume, it feels a little Nordic to me.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a decent Santa wardrobe.

It seems to me that

this man is probably in his 40s.

Right.

Agreed.

I'm

just really tripped out by these eyebrows.

The eyebrows are pretty bad.

Whoever, whoever did the eyebrow wig job.

Yeah.

I mean, the thing that was most disturbing to me about this review, I guess I will say not, yes, disturbing, but also impactful was the, the idea that there are multiple rooms with multiple Santas.

Right?

Because they get, well, but they get, I mean, you would think that they would be able to disguise that in a way that a four year old isn't going to figure that out.

Right.

Do you think they just got the raw end of the deal here?

And that's why they're in this like cramped hallway because that's how they differentiate who's going to see the different Santas.

Like they, there's different waiting area line areas and they just got pushed to the corner.

I literally have no idea how it works, but I do know that they have different They have a selection of different kinds of Santas one can get.

You can make a special request for that.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

But I don't know how it works out.

That's like listed in the FAQ on the website, which is the only reason I know that.

But I would be surprised if that was the case.

My Santa, because it seems pretty rough.

Yeah, it's definitely not what I would imagine the caliber of the, you know, Macy's Santa would be.

Like, I was very surprised.

Well, okay, so I do think that this is pretty valuable.

I kind of side with Tara on this.

I have a couple of thoughts here, though.

Like, if you're a little precocious, eight year old is gasping, Oh, my gosh, this is the fakest Santa I've ever seen.

Right.

I think, I think this little daughter needs to get coal in her stocking.

Something about that is a little too precarious.

Chill out.

A little too precocious.

But I also get like, if the eight year old isn't even believing, then maybe you're failing at the whole point of Santa land.

Right.

The whole thing about it does also make me start thinking about what it would be like to be hired at Santa.

There's so much pressure, like you could literally ruin it.

Like, say one wrong thing.

But don't you think that when you're, but that's the, that's the responsibility you take.

I mean, every job that you have comes with some sort of something.

It is funny to me that at the beginning Tara says like, we were jammed in by elves.

That sounds like a really funny album.

Jammed in by elves.

Yeah, also very cinematic, you know, like, I felt like I could see, an elf, was that supposed to be Macy's too?

I'm positive, probably.

And Christmas Story is like a fake version of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's the spelling like here?

I think spelling and grammar is great.

I didn't notice any complaints.

We did, when I was obviously exaggerating, we did use some caps throughout, um, some exclamation points, but not really, like, offensive.

You know, we've had reviews before where the whole thing is written in caps.

It was just, like, a little bit sprinkled in, which is fine with me.

Really solid on the spelling and grammar from Tara.

Do you think Tara is being truthful or shady?

I think Tara is being truthful.

I would believe that maybe the whole Macy's experience has lost its luster.

That's why with the first review, I think there's something very like nostalgic and pure about Macy's in the 1950s.

And I think, Today, dealing with the masses of people.

I mean, the population alone has gone up tremendously since then.

So, you know, dealing with the crowds and everything that you have to account for today.

I do believe this is a more truthful representation of an experience in the modern era.

I believe that the children didn't buy it.

And I believe Tara, when Tara shares that the four year old noticed and said, Why are there multiple houses of Santa's?

But something feels a little shady.

Like if that is the issue, like Tara was already done by the fact that they still had to wait after making a reservation, which

is upsetting.

What do we want to say about that?

Because like, I think waiting a half hour after a reservation is okay.

But I think waiting two hours, it's extreme.

is extreme.

And at very least, I don't know, like, I don't know how hectic and crazy it gets there.

But in my mind, I would think if we're running that behind, we just, we got to push it back and say, like, come back in a couple hours.

Sorry, at very least, like, we're having people that have reservations waiting online for two hours.

I mean, question, there is a question there.

But then about everything looking old, like everything is taken down, and then put back up.

So like, Sure, here's a question.

Is it the same stuff from 1950?

Well,

that's what I'm saying.

I think it might be.

I'm sure that it is

taken down and placed back into place for the next season.

There still should be a little Renault now.

I mean, I don't know.

I don't work for Macy's, but I'm sure that it's like, I don't know.

I'm sure they have their like nostalgic evergreen pieces that return every year, but I would imagine it continues to change.

Like I'm sure that I'm sure that's not the Santa Claus seat, but I don't know.

Maybe I don't know.

So this is what I'm hearing from you.

And I think I'm agreeing.

What I'm hearing for you is this might be a common experience in terms of waiting online, etcetera.

Where we're questioning things is, is this a family that needs this?

To be top of the line, everything has to be pristine and perfect.

And if it's not, then it's terrible.

Like there's no gray area for Tara C and Fam, you know, with the fakest Santa I've ever seen like that kind of stuff.

Is that where you're struggling?

I guess I just sort of feel like Santa himself was a disappointment.

And then in writing the review, I feel like Tara was just Undone with everything.

Children are the most germy things that exist in the world.

So saying, I don't want my kids to touch anything and you're on the side of the Macy's is a little like, okay, I think Tara is protesting too much because Tara was really disappointed.

That being said, if I'm taking my children to this make believe character under the guise that we're all pretending it's real, then you need to help execute that.

I mean, correct point blank.

Well, that's the thing is, I feel like Tara C brought up a lot of concerns that I would want to know if I was going to bring my kids to, you know, Santa land.

But I hear you.

There was a lot of like, there was a lot of knocking on things, which tends to happen when we have a bad experience, right?

Correct.

So we do have to consider that it's probably not as gross or as fake or as whatever.

Or

maybe it is.

Or maybe it is.

But I do think the big value is that you're probably going to be waiting.

I know.

I wonder what I would do to adjust accordingly if I knew that.

Maybe pack snacks.

I think I, I think I can crown this.

How do you feel?

I feel a bit conflicted, but um, I'm going to crown it.

All right, let's do it.

Let's do it.

The queens are tabulating.

Oh, I'm conflicted too, but okay, I think I'm ready.

Are you?

I'm conflicted, but yeah.

Great,

Trey and I are unanimous.

We both gave three and a half.

I was between three and a half and four.

I don't know if you were between three and three and a half.

Why don't you go first?

I don't know.

I just said three and a half because I don't think that I would read this review and make my decision.

Same with The five star review from before.

I need more context here.

I would want to, this is once again, just arming me with information about like, I need to make sure that my children are distracted and they don't notice there's multiple little houses or huts with Santa's and I need to like brace myself.

Like I'm going to Disney world and it's going to be a long.

Day of waiting.

Yes.

Agreed.

And I would imagine that the kids are going to want to touch everything.

So I want to like, see if it's dirty and gross because everything's glittery and shiny and sparkly.

Right.

So like, to me, I don't really know how I land.

So I gave a half more than middle of the road.

So that's why I did three and a half.

I don't know.

Why did you do that?

I did three and a half because I did feel like Tara C.

provided me with a lot of information that I'm going to be chewing on before I make this decision.

It would implore me to do a little more research, which for me is not necessarily a bad thing.

Just like are other people having this experience?

Other people think it's gross.

Other people think, you know, the Santas are really unrealistic.

These are things that Tara has really piqued my interest in.

And for that, I think it's a good review.

There was like, there were no spelling or grammar issues.

It was very easy to read.

I took away one and a half crowns because I wasn't sure if Terese and family was a little pretentious and if their expectations would be higher than the average consumer.

So that was where they lost the one and a half crown for me.

But I did think it was a useful review.

So three and a half.

Yeah, I hear you.

Well, I mean, I've never been to I'm assuming you haven't either.

Well, don't assume I've never sat on Santa's lap because I have really have sat on I have my family was never the kind of family that was like, you're not allowed to believe in Santa or like have that experience as a kid because it's very Americanized, you know, it's it's sort of a part of the Oh my goodness.

Have you ever seen this picture?

No, I have not.

That is so, there's a picture of Trey getting spanked by Santa, a good Santa, I might add, real beard, and David is looking like, what?

Get off my man, or what?

You're spanking my man, or what's happening here?

It's

really,

really

cute, you guys.

Um, I'll share the story behind that on our Patreon.

Yeah, my my dad had a patient that was a firefighter and also Santa Claus.

So a couple times he drove by our house in the fire truck as Santa.

And I sat in his lap.

So my parents were not anti Santa by any means, even though we're Jewish.

So just remind me, we used to have Santa drive through our neighborhood and throw candy canes on the fire.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah.

All right.

Well,

I don't think that the five star that I shared with for the episode today gives us any sort of real power to compare.

But I would love to share the other one I found in our after show podcast.

Yeah, I can't wait to hear it.

But, um, I, you know, I think I would be charmed by Macy's and Santa Land and consider going but it just it isn't something I would be interested to be honest and it does yeah I really would anticipate it just being a mob scene I mean it's like Herald Square it's always a mob scene so like

exactly I feel like there is a similarity here to all the reviews that we do of Times Square when it's like if I'm going to be taking on this endeavor I better expect that it's going to be a little bit of mayhem totally yeah or a lot of it

all right my queen so we have reached the most regal portion of the show Chelsea, who are you inducting today for?

My Royal Highness, I'm gonna induct today, cheese.

Let's talk about it.

I just love cheese.

I've been trying to take account of my diet lately, not because I'm like restricting myself, but just because I'm trying to write things down.

The amount of cheese that I consume What kind?

It's a lot.

Okay.

All kinds of cheese.

Um, mostly like I love a Parmesan cheese, a Syrah, like it has like a wine rind going on.

It's delicious.

Cheese is just, it's just so good.

It makes you feel better.

There is like dopamine or something I want to say in cheese.

There's actually It's been research that's been done to show that cheese makes you feel better and I just love cheese.

I mean, it's kind of like your love of fries.

Like if there's an option on a sandwich or something or a burger to add cheese, yes, please.

I will always exercise my right.

If I'm traveling somewhere with a vegan and we're splitting food, we're not going to just say no cheese.

We're going to get the cheese on the side.

You know what I mean?

Cheese.

will be included in most of my meals.

And for that, and because we spend so much quality time together, me and Cheese, I just thought it was long overdue that I inducted Cheese as my Royal Highness.

I hear you.

I love Cheese as well.

I really do.

So good.

Good one.

That's that.

All right, Trey, who are you inducting for your Royal Highness today?

All right.

So this actually was a recommendation from my brother in law on our trip.

Oh,

great.

And

I'm sort of mortified.

We haven't done this yet.

Oh, no.

Okay, so get

ready to scratch it off your list.

You ready?

Okay, I know.

I'm sure it's probably on there.

Today, I'm going to induct for my Royal Highness, Meryl Streep.

DoorDash, Postmates, Uber Eats, Seamless, Grubhub, Caviar, all of these delivery services.

Postmates is pretty much a league of its own because you can like order from like the 7 11.

Right, right, right.

But this is like such a profound invention for me.

So true.

I remember when David and I lived on 23rd Street and the ground floor was A moonstruck diner and I would, I would order delivery from underneath us instead of getting in the elevator and going floors down.

I would, I would do it constantly, which is just crazy, but I just, I am inducting these food delivery services because I do think that is the height of American excellence.

I don't know if an American invented it.

It just seems so lazy.

Just like delivery of food.

I mean, it's like so genius.

And I have totally utilized that.

I've used it when I've not felt well, or I felt like I couldn't go out, you Oh, just not having to cook in the kitchen and just having it brought to your door.

Do you remember being a kid and ordering pizza?

I mean, it was like the most fun, like, special event.

So I just have to do it even

like sometimes, like, I'll order it before I get home and almost like meat.

It's beautiful.

I love delivery.

I've even figured out how to do it in Key West, which is a tiny little island.

Oh, wow.

There's a couple of services there.

So Therefore, I did it, I'm inducting all of these food delivery service apps, uh, from My Royal Highness.

What a good indu I can't even believe it wasn't on my list.

Isn't that weird?

It

wasn't on mine either, but.

Chelsea, do we have time for a Royal Review?

I think we can make time, Trey.

Yay!

Yay!

Baby, it's time for some Royal Reviews!

Okay, very exciting.

Chelsea, today's

Royal Review is from Fiesta Maiden on Apple Podcasts.

Okay.

Fiesta Maiden writes, Five stars.

Amazing show.

I hate to brag, but I found this podcast before they even released any episodes.

The idea alone hooked me.

This is a true genius podcast idea, and it's led by two individuals who really know how to put on a show.

With an original premise and fun presentation, this show is going to go far.

Ugh,

from your lips to God's.

Thank you so much Fiesta Maiden, that is so, so sweet.

I love that they found us before we had officially launched and they waited to leave us a five star review until November, true listener fans.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I mean, like, really, I'm so glad that you were hooked on the premise.

And then you're you're listening, and you're loving it.

And that's just incredible.

And you're a queen.

Fiesta.

I love the

name Fiesta Maiden.

Me too.

We have great listeners.

that use their creativity bones to make fun usernames.

Agreed.

We have the

best.

Ham and cheese sandwich.

Someone's coming for you.

Fiesta Maiden.

Fiesta Maiden.

Can you imagine?

We should have Fiesta Maiden and ham and cheese, like, do a Meryl Go Round or something.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, so that's it.

Here we go.

That was episode 28, everyone.

Next week, everyone, is our special Christmas episode.

So you have that to look forward to.

But as of right now, That's it.

We did it.

That is another entry closer to sleuthing out life's ultimate truth.

Wisdom seeking love.

Yeah.

Ferris wheel.

Ear holes

of life.

Okay, that's amazing.

Thank you guys so much.

You Queens for joining us today.

If you like what you heard, please.

I've said it a million times.

I keep saying it, but it really is the best way.

The best, nicest thing you could do for us would be for you to share this with your community and friends over the holidays.

Do it.

Have a little conversation about this.

And if you don't like what you heard, just tell an enemy, please join our mailing list so that you can stay up to date with the goings on in the Queendom at ReviewThatReview.

com to scroll all the way to the bottom.

You'll see it.

Or you can just click on that simple link that's in our show notes, canny.

Yeah, and don't forget, we want to hear from you.

Hit up our voicemail box, 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.

You can also follow us on all the socials at The Review Queens.

I'm at Chelsey BD.

And I'm at Trey Gerrald.

Become a member of our Royal Court when you join our Patreon at patreon.

com slash Review That Review.

And remember, ignore the haters.

You're

a queen.

Gender non specific queen.

Bye.

Bye.

Make sure you join our after show podcast so you can hear the other review.

Yeah, and if you're on Patreon, stay in your seats because we got more.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to that review.

We hope you enjoyed it.

And as we've mentioned at the top of the show, it really helps us if you could please share the podcast, leave a review, get us up in the algorithms, do all the magic and help us out so that when we come back after this hiatus, we can come back to you.

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