There are a lot of messages regarding anger and feeling angry. Being told it is bad, negative, and that it will drain you of your goodness. Hearing messages telling you to “manage" your anger or the importance to "calm down" when you are feeling angry. What if that was bullsh*t? At least some of the time.
What if anger was not the dark violent storm you were taught it is? What if anger was actually the clarity to guide you in the storm? It is true that our emotions carry energy within us- so how can we use that energy instead of thinking we need to diffuse it?
Don't be a loser- figure out and feel your anger like the cool kids do.
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If you like this episode, you might like my chat with Author and Therapist Ralph De La Rosa where we discussed the importance of rage and anger. Check it out: https://theshekcheck.com/episodes/ralph-de-la-rosa-reality-rage-and-resiliency/
What is up.
Host Erez Shek:I am Erez Shek and you are checking in with The Shek Check; the podcast,
Host Erez Shek:dropping gems of awareness that hopefully lets you take it inward to
Host Erez Shek:work that self awareness muscle of yours.
Host Erez Shek:Promoting that self check fact check to better understand how
Host Erez Shek:we think, feel, and behave.
Host Erez Shek:The discovery of a lifetime lifetime, lifetime lifetime.
Host Erez Shek:And today let's talk about "MEETING YOUR ANGER WHERE YOU ARE".
Host Erez Shek:Let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked, let's get Shekked.
Host Erez Shek:There is a lot to be angry about in this world.
Host Erez Shek:Well, in my eyes, there's a lot to be angry about and in many
Host Erez Shek:ways I hope there is a lot you are angry about in this world.
Host Erez Shek:You know, I'm reminded of a past episode when I had therapist and
Host Erez Shek:author, Ralph Del Rosa on my show, we talked about anger and rage.
Host Erez Shek:We talked about his book perfectly titled, as "DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX:
Host Erez Shek:EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IN THE AGE OF RAGE, FEELS, & FREAKOUTS" . If you wanna
Host Erez Shek:check out that episode, you can check out the link in the show's description.
Host Erez Shek:But not yet.
Host Erez Shek:Right now.
Host Erez Shek:You are with me.
Host Erez Shek:You are here in this episode.
Host Erez Shek:Yay.
Host Erez Shek:Yeah.
Host Erez Shek:Now a good portion of the time when we feel strong emotions like anger,
Host Erez Shek:we automatically jump into thinking that they are bad or negative, right?
Host Erez Shek:That they're not helpful, dangerous perhaps, energy drainers.
Host Erez Shek:We immediately think consciously or subconsciously- how can I
Host Erez Shek:get away from this feeling?
Host Erez Shek:How can I stop being angry?
Host Erez Shek:How can I dare I say, calm down.
Host Erez Shek:I think it's really our fear about anger.
Host Erez Shek:You know, the learned shame around feeling anger that is more of a problem
Host Erez Shek:than the anger itself, or maybe our fear of what actions we will take
Host Erez Shek:from our anger, because anger and the way we express it are interconnected,
Host Erez Shek:but they're not the same thing.
Host Erez Shek:We hear about managing our anger, right?
Host Erez Shek:Anger management- as if we can actually manage an emotion when really
Host Erez Shek:what we need to look at is how we manage our expression of that anger.
Host Erez Shek:And then I realize something.
Host Erez Shek:What if it's not even how we manage our expression of that anger, but rather what
Host Erez Shek:we do with that energy- the energy that we get from the feeling, the energy that
Host Erez Shek:ignites in us, the, the anger energy, or the angry energy, or the energy of anger,
Host Erez Shek:whatever, like, however you wanna call it.
Host Erez Shek:I'm talking about energy right?
Host Erez Shek:Because all our emotions hold energy in us.
Host Erez Shek:They all ignite something within us.
Host Erez Shek:When we feel strong emotions that have been called negative, we think we need
Host Erez Shek:to escape them, get rid of them and calm ourselves down when actually.
Host Erez Shek:What we might need is to match it and send it into more productive directions.
Host Erez Shek:Yes, yes.
Host Erez Shek:Yes.
Host Erez Shek:Anger is information just like any feeling is information.
Host Erez Shek:You know, it's information of, of what we respond to as an injustice.
Host Erez Shek:It is information on pain.
Host Erez Shek:It is information on our hurt.
Host Erez Shek:However, seeking to understand that anger and the information it is holding
Host Erez Shek:or sending you in the very moment...
Host Erez Shek:is not always needed.
Host Erez Shek:We can't over intellectualize everything that we're feeling.
Host Erez Shek:Understanding what information the feeling is giving you in that moment
Host Erez Shek:is not necessarily helpful, or it might not necessarily be the answer
Host Erez Shek:or a part of a process to simmer down, to calm down, blah, blah, blah.
Host Erez Shek:Because we're told if we're feeling certain emotions, we need to calm down.
Host Erez Shek:The question, I think, that matters more than the information that you can
Host Erez Shek:find in the emotion in order to calm down is what can you do with that anger?
Host Erez Shek:What can, what, what can it push you to do that might be more productive,
Host Erez Shek:healthy, and affirming because the anger.
Host Erez Shek:It's not unhealthy.
Host Erez Shek:It's not bad.
Host Erez Shek:What you are feeling is not bad.
Host Erez Shek:You don't need to move away from that feeling because that anger,
Host Erez Shek:that feeling can be a driving force.
Host Erez Shek:For instance, you know, as a gay man, there is so much right now that is in.
Host Erez Shek:The process of being taken away from me and my rights and it massively
Host Erez Shek:scares me and it massively angers me and the fact that people don't see
Host Erez Shek:that massively angers me as well.
Host Erez Shek:Right?
Host Erez Shek:And, and the fear and the anger are coexisting.
Host Erez Shek:And it's hard to back off from that.
Host Erez Shek:I think anybody who faces that much hate for who they are, should
Host Erez Shek:be scared and should be angry.
Host Erez Shek:I think anyone whose human rights are being questioned constantly
Host Erez Shek:should be scared and should be angry.
Host Erez Shek:So if I'm scared and angry, what purpose does it serve me to calm down?
Host Erez Shek:Sure.
Host Erez Shek:We can go with the thinking that I might, you know, be able to think more clearly
Host Erez Shek:if I calm down for my anger and fear, but what if anger is not making me unclear?
Host Erez Shek:What if anger is not clouding my judgements?
Host Erez Shek:What if it is actually pointing me very clearly into a direction that I need
Host Erez Shek:to focus on, like being more active and fighting against the religious voices,
Host Erez Shek:the political voices, the ignorant voices, the heteronormative voices.
Host Erez Shek:What if that anger is my clarity?
Host Erez Shek:And if I come down from it, I lose the clarity.
Host Erez Shek:The anger, that energy, it serves a purpose when I look to see
Host Erez Shek:how I can redirect and use it.
Host Erez Shek:Is it applicable to any time I feel anger?
Host Erez Shek:Nah.
Host Erez Shek:Nothing is a hundred percent.
Host Erez Shek:I do think it's worth it for you, for me to test the waters.
Host Erez Shek:What if...
Host Erez Shek:what if whatever you are feeling angry about doesn't need your calmness?
Host Erez Shek:Does it need the age, old societal oppression and
Host Erez Shek:suppression of your emotion?
Host Erez Shek:What if that anger that you feel just needs to be redirected to something
Host Erez Shek:that works for you and your wellness without you trying to mute it or get away
Host Erez Shek:from it or suppress it or repress it?
Host Erez Shek:The teachings we get from society regarding our good and bad emotions
Host Erez Shek:will always focus on how we can bypass certain emotions and emotional states.
Host Erez Shek:When sometimes the healthiest thing we can do with ourselves
Host Erez Shek:is to use and utilize it.
Host Erez Shek:Utilize the emotion.
Host Erez Shek:Something to think about and check yourself on, because that's what
Host Erez Shek:we do here at The Shek Check.
Host Erez Shek:We check ourselves.
Host Erez Shek:I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Host Erez Shek:So make sure if you haven't already to visit me on all my
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social media hotspots:You can also check out the blog post and transcript for this
social media hotspots:episode on The Shek Check Dot Com.
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social media hotspots:you know, you can leave a comment there too, or here, or, you know, wherever.
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social media hotspots:So please don't forget to hit that follow or subscribe button so you can
social media hotspots:get notified when any new episodes drop, because you know, the more
social media hotspots:prompts to check yourself on the less you potentially wreck yourself.
social media hotspots:And we like that, don't we?
social media hotspots:I mean, I do, I hope, I mean, I do, but I'm also creating it.
social media hotspots:So like, you know, but I hope you do too, because that, I mean,
social media hotspots:that would, that would be great.
social media hotspots:I would like that very much.
social media hotspots:So.
social media hotspots:Yeah, let's do that.
social media hotspots:And also, uh, please remember to keep taking care of yourself in
social media hotspots:whatever way that you see fit or are discovering because when you
social media hotspots:are taking care of you, you are taking care of all those around you.
social media hotspots:Unfortunately it's the people you don't like as well, but
social media hotspots:you know, it is what it is.
social media hotspots:So do that.
social media hotspots:Please.