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When you crash (and what do you learn?)
Episode 297th March 2024 • Mindset, Mood & Movement • Sal Jefferies
00:00:00 00:11:25

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Show Notes:

In this episode, I share a story of when I got into a serious car crash when I was living and working inn a very 'busy' way and trying to do too much. Even though I was physically ok, the crash served as a wake up call for me.

I reflect on how many people (including myself) get caught up in the "striving and seeking" mindset, working long hours and giving everything to work at the expense of health, family, etc. This leads to burnout and feeling like you've "crashed" in some way.

I discuss the importance of knowing your "why" - why you are working so hard and what is the deeper purpose behind your goals. Otherwise you can get stuck on the "hedonic treadmill" constantly striving for the next achievement but never feeling fulfilled.

I recommend writing down your thoughts about what "success" looks like for you, then tuning into how you feel about that vision. Are your thoughts and feelings coherent and aligned? Or is there dissonance there? Getting clarity on your vision and aligning your mindset is key.

I emphasize feeling the emotions you want to feel now, rather than always chasing external markers of success. If you feel peaceful and happy now, you are more likely to take inspired action towards your goals.

Key Learnings:

Going too fast literally and figuratively can lead to a "crash" - listen when life is telling you that you need to slow down.

It's easy to get caught in the "striving and seeking" mindset, overworking and burning yourself out. Periodically ask yourself "why am I doing this?" to reconnect with your purpose.

Align your thoughts about success with how you want to feel - coherence is key. Feel those emotions now rather than always chasing the next achievement.

Your inspired actions will naturally flow when you have inner peace and happiness in the present moment. Live from that place as much as possible.

Get in touch with Sal

If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you.

Transcripts

Intro:

Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement.

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A systemic approach to human

behaviour, performance and wellbeing.

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Sal: I want to share a story.

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I'm driving fast.

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I'm on a motorway.

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I've come back from lunch.

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I've had a busy week.

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I've got lots going on and

I'm a successful photographer.

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I'm booked out and life

is busy, really busy.

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There's a lot to contend with.

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And as I'm going on the motorway, I'm

within the speed limit, but I'm going

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quickly cause there's a lot to do, right?

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You've always got to maximize

time and my mind is full.

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There's so much going on.

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Life is busy and all of a sudden,

Somebody pulls out into the lane

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in front of me, going very slowly.

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I hit the brakes.

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I skid.

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The next thing I know

I'm turning sideways.

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I'm careering off into a bush, hedgerow.

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There's jarring bangs.

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I find an impact and suddenly I start

to barrel roll and time slows down.

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And then I crash.

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Now, thankfully, dear listener,

Although the car was destroyed,

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physically, I was fine.

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I was a girlfriend at the

time, and we were both fine.

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It was chaos.

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The car was literally destroyed.

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And unbuckled the seatbelt, got

out, and it was just carnage.

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the whole road had stopped, people had

stopped, and a very shocking situation.

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Now this isn't a story about

a car accident, per se.

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This is a story about when you really

crash, because actually, whether it's

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a car crash, a health crash, a life

crash, something will tell you you

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are going too fast, as it told me.

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So, fast forward, a couple of days

later, I'm doing a shoot, back in the

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car, driving off to do a shoot, and

I was really, of course, reflective

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on, wow, I may not have been alive.

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Had I not got lucky, we didn't make

impact with anything particularly

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solid like a tree or lamppost and just

rolled and I'm so thankful for this.

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I'm full of gratitude.

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I'm still a bit stunned by the whole

thing and I finished the shoot.

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I get home.

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And that's it.

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I put everything down.

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I'm done.

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I'm done with his mindset.

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I'm done with his attitude.

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And the next day I'm like,

I'm taking the week off.

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And I was lucky because it was a really

sunny week and there I was sitting in

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the garden at this magnolia tree and

it was starting to come to full bloom.

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The sun was cascading through.

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It was just magical.

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And for the first time in years,

I felt a deep sense of peace.

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You know that, if you've ever had

it, even if it's not been around

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for a while, that absolute peace.

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And I was like, Oh, this

is what I was working for.

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This is why I was doing all the hard

work and the striving, because I

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believed if my business was such a

success and financially successful

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and had loads of stuff going on,

then I would have that feeling.

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But of course I was greatly mistaken.

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And the world has shown me

a very, very clear message.

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If you go too fast, literally

and figuratively, you may crash.

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And what do you do after that?

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And that is the lesson for today

that I really want to share.

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So I work with lots of wonderful

people, clever people, smart

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people, hardworking people, and

I'd say there's a lot of people I

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work with are strivers or seekers.

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Now this might resonate with you, and it

resonates with me, because I've always

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been seeking and striving, it's a nature

of mine, it's a personality aspect.

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And those of us that work really

hard, we'll graft in our work, in our

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businesses, and put in long hours.

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And it's not just the hours,

it's the attention, the energy.

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How much time you're

always thinking about work.

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But the problem we have is

that we are selling our time.

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And that means you're selling your

life and you can't get a refund.

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There are no exchanges in time.

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You can't go back.

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And what worries me, in my own

experience, was If I had kept

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going, where would I have been?

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Burnt out, and by the way, I got

there at some point later as well.

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But, if you don't check that whole,

what am I doing this for question,

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and slow down for a period of

time, you may well crash too.

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Now, I work with a guy called, John.

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And John was a fantastic guy.

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Super high energy, anxious, very

clever and he was building this, music

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company and it was going really well

and of course the parallels with his

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story like mine were very striking,

drafting, driving hard, a lot of work,

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not putting so much time into exercise

or family time and he crashed as well.

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He didn't crash physically in

a car, he crashed, emotionally.

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which most of us call a burnout and he was

working with me not too long after because

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he was like, what am I doing with my life?

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What am I doing with my business?

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How do I get this together?

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And we did a really nice piece of

work over some time where we got

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him to look at the why question.

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Why are you doing this?

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Why work so hard?

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Because if you don't stop and ask

why, as in what's the purpose?

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What's the end goal?

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But what's the feeling?

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Then it becomes this, you know, the

hedonic treadmill or the hamster

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wheel metaphor, you may have heard.

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And we're just whizzing along and trying

harder and harder, and the faster you

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run, the faster it slips away from you.

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So with John and I, we worked

on this deeper level of okay,

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I want success, that's okay.

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Let's define it.

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What numerical value do you need?

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What lifestyle?

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What amount of hours do you work?

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Who do you see?

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How fit are you?

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What do you feel like?

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And the more we got into the experiential

side of the feeling, how would he feel?

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Then we got into some fantastic stuff

and this is one of the other lessons

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I want to share today is that actually

if you've had a crash of any nature,

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anything that slowed you down massively.

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Then getting back to that quality

of aligning your mind and your body,

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your thinking, and your feeling.

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Because if we stick in thinking alone,

such as, if business goes 10x, or I can

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sell a million eBit, or whatever the

growth patterns are, or the things that

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you're aiming to do, then I'll be happy.

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Now there's nothing wrong with growing

a business, and I work with people all

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the time that grow fantastic businesses.

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I would say it's the how is where.

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We often need to do the work because

if you show up with energy, passion,

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interest and are healthy and balanced,

your business will grow and so will you.

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But if you go in and give it all and you

are, let's say, what's the old expression?

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Putting all of your eggs in one basket.

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There's very easy to drop that

basket and then they all crash

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and the whole house comes down.

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So looking at how you're thinking.

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And how you're feeling.

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And this will be a little lesson

you can play with right now.

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So take one example

that's going on for you.

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And it might be that you're trying to get

somewhere with your work or your business,

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or perhaps it's in your personal life.

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That one goal, to hold that in your mind.

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What is the thought that

you're having around that?

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What do you believe?

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What are your expectations?

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What do you say about it, such as it will

be great when I get to this level, or I'll

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feel successful when I have this amount

of money, or I'll feel really fulfilled

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when I've grown the company into, a

national or global brand, and that's fine.

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Now dial into the feeling

that goes with that thought.

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What emotion comes up?

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Is it positive, negative?

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Is it is?

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Is it a feeling you can name or

is it a multitude of feelings?

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Again, just sit with

that for a moment, right?

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What feeling comes out when I say

I could achieve the thing I want?

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Now, if there's a sweet spot

here, you'll have a thought and

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a feeling, which is in coherence.

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Yeah, so it's like in the same

level, same kinda harmony.

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So coherent.

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If it's incoherent, such as there's

still a bit of anxiety about being a

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millionaire or there's still a bit of

fear about being a globally successful

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brand, then we've got a disconnect here

and we got some dissonance going on.

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So my invitation for you in this little

exercise and story that I'm sharing

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today is to write down, articulate

the thoughts you are having about

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the success point you're chasing.

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And when you've got that clear,

tune into the feeling that comes

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up when you think about it.

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And if for any reason they are not

coherent, such as if you feel successful,

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there might be a feeling of joy or peace.

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or you might be smiling.

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I'm smiling now as I say this.

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But if you're thinking when I'm

successful, I'll be like, maybe I

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should be a bit more successful.

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Then you're on a ruse.

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You're on a, you're in a mind,

spiral, which is always chasing

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the thing you can't have.

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So here's the thing.

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If you're able to feel.

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What you want now.

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So if you might feel, for me, peace

of mind is very important as is joy.

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So if I can feel that now, then as I

think about my ambitions, my goals and

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things that love to do in my business

and my life, I'm already connected

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to it as opposed to disconnected.

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And I say this because when I

remember that, traveling in that

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car that day, I was disconnected.

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I was trying so hard.

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I had to get somewhere quickly.

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I've got more shoots to do.

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I've got to get back for editing.

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it was.

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The hamster on the wheel running faster,

and there was no good feeling there.

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And of course you see it so well when

you look in the rear view mirror.

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Car pun intended, by the way.

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When you look in that rear view

mirror, you go, ah, okay, I see.

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better to look ahead.

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Let's summarize.

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If you're chasing a big goal, great.

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Ask yourself, why?

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Get clear on what that you believe

that'll get you and then tuning.

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Can you get a feeling with that now?

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And is it coherent?

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If it isn't, that's the time

to do some work on this.

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If it is coherent.

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Then spend time feeling that

feeling because it will help bolster

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your actions and your thinking.

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And it's a very powerful

way to move forward.

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So my dear listener, I trust the story

of Crash to Awaken has helped you.

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And as always, you can

reach me on the socials.

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Any platform you found this

on, you can reach on Instagram

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and LinkedIn in particular.

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And of course, there are details

following this in the outro to

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say, catch me via my website.

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So do reach out and let me

know your experience of this

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and share your stories too.

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Until the next time, take care.

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Outro: Thank you so much for listening.

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If you enjoyed the

episode, please subscribe.

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And if a friend would benefit from hearing

this, do send it on to them as well.

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If you would like to get in touch

yourself, then you can go to my website.

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Which is Sal Jeffries dot com,

spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S.

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Sal Jeffries dot com.

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Hit the get in touch link and there

you can send me a direct message.

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If you'd like to go one step further

and learn whether coaching can help

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you overcome a challenge or a block

in your life, then do reach out and

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I offer a call where we can discuss

how this may be able to help you.

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Until the next time, take care.