Winning medals and hitting big goals can leave a man feeling empty when the goal never changed who he is. My guest Alain Dumonceaux grew up poor as the oldest in his family. His dad had to work all the time. As a young cook, he found older chefs who became part big brother and part father figure. He went on to win two silver medals at the Culinary Olympics in Frankfurt. The confidence lasted about two years, and then he was still stuck with himself. His first marriage to his high school sweetheart fell apart in his 30s. He spent more than two years in deep depression, barely saw his kids, and declared bankruptcy. He says he lost his family and lost himself. Years later, the death of his father-in-law, his closest friend, opened that void again. Unprocessed grief nearly cost him his current marriage. He found nowhere for men to go, so he built The Awakened Man.

What changed was how Alain used what he learned. For about 20 years he read every self-help book he could find without applying much of it. Now he takes at least one strategy from every book or course and puts it into his day. His mornings include meditation, exercise, and setting an intention, a habit he picked up from Robin Sharma. He sets goals by finishing one sentence first. Upon achieving this goal, I am the kind of man who does what? When a negative story about himself shows up, he asks why, again and again, until he reaches the belief underneath. Then he asks whether that belief is true. He says it almost never is, or it's a grain of truth turned into a mountain. He also keeps several mentors, each for a different part of his life.

The biggest change showed up in his marriage. After his divorce, Alain became what he calls the doormat with his wife Kimmy. He was afraid that pushing back would leave him alone and losing everything again. He learned it's okay to speak up and still stay present and hold space for her. Their conversations moved from seeking approval to seeking collaboration. At 57, he says he feels more alive than he did in his 30s because his work has purpose. He now looks at his medals with reverence, and they no longer have to prove his worth. Mike Forrester teaches that a man needs to know who he is with no titles at all. Alain learned that lesson after the medals stopped carrying him. For the dad chasing the next win to feel like enough, Alain offers a better question to ask.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Use the sentence "upon achieving this goal, I am the kind of man who..." to set goals that actually change you.
• Recognize why career wins and awards can lift your confidence for a while and then leave you empty.
• Learn how to question a negative story about yourself by asking why until you reach the belief underneath.
• Pull one strategy from every book or course you take and put it into your daily routine.
• See how speaking up with your wife, instead of staying the doormat, turns approval seeking into partnership.
• Spot how unprocessed grief and an old divorce can quietly put your current marriage at risk.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:03:09 - how depression, divorce, and bankruptcy cost him everything

00:09:39 - how to actually apply what you read in self-help books

00:13:07 - why purpose makes life feel fuller as you get older

00:14:52 - finding a mentor who believes in you

00:19:42 - why reaching your goals can still leave you empty

00:23:37 - finding father figures when your dad was always working

00:26:57 - why achievements don't fix low self-worth

00:30:52 - how to quiet the voice that says you're not good enough

00:35:23 - how to break limiting beliefs and talk with your wife about what you need

00:38:30 - using the five whys to challenge the story you tell yourself

00:41:33 - why the pain of regret outlasts the pain of change

00:43:47 - why every man needs more than one mentor

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Connect with Alain Dumonceaux

Website:

https://www.theawakenedman.net/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/theawakenedman.net/

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Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theawakenedman2020/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike