In some parts of Onumbrica, selling illegal magic is the only criminal game in town. In others, it’s just the game the best gamblers play.

Today’s story is “Chump Change” by Alex Katz, who swears they’ll finish that novel someday, and you can find more of their stories on their blog, Wayside Parliament.

Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.

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https://thevoice.dog/episode/chump-change-by-alex-katz

You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,

and Today’s story is

“Chump Change” by Alex Katz,

who swears they’ll finish that novel someday,

and you can find more of their stories on their blog,

Wayside Parliament.

Please enjoy “Chump Change”

by Alex Katz "...and he asks me if I can make change for a Senator."

"Yeah, pull the other one."

"Exactly. Nobody walks around with a hundred bucks in gold,

and I sure as Sid don't keep that much behind the bar. So I ask to see it.

An' he reaches fer his breast pocket-

-an' then he stops,

an' says he'd really rather not."

"Amateur." "You've played dice with lionfolk before, yeah?"

"Not our regulars,

but yeah, in other places."

"Ever meet one with a twitchy ear?"

"'Course I have, boss,

an' every time it's

a tell." "This guy had it.

So now I know for certain he's tryin'a' grift me

outta almost a hundred bucks in my own establishment.

And he's bein' so clumsy about it a kid'd see right through him

an' call the Sheriff."

"No shit." "So I grit my beak,

an' I count to ten,

an' once I'm feelin'

a mite more ladylike I say to him,

look, if yer gonna pass a fake Senator,

y'gotta have some confidence in it.

Let the mark take the coin, let 'em think it's real

fer long enough to leave the shop, if not to skip town altogether.

Yours is scrap steel on the inside, ain't it?

Gotta use somethin' soft, so they can bite it

and buy it." "Hah! An' what'd he say

to that?" "Well, he stared at me like a fresh-caught fish for a while,

went a little pale under his fur,

an' then he said,

an' I almost couldn't hear him at first, he said,

please don't call the Sheriffs on me,

I can't go back. "Now, I was feelin' generous

this afternoon, an' I told him to thank Saint Jane

an' his lucky star that I was, 'cause

I had better things t'do than throw him on the tender mercies of the law.

In fact, if he needed somewhere to stay for a while,

I supposed I could find him a way to

earn room 'n' board here."

"Generous my ass. You've been lookin' fer someone new to work the back room ever since ol' Garrett went missin' on the way to Metropolis."

"An' why shouldn't I give that job t'someone who obviously needs it, and was nice enough

to fall straight into our lap,

and can't afford to rat out our business?"

"Yer not wrong, boss, only..."

"Yeah?" "He's an outta-towner,

we dunno who's after him,

who could end up findin' us 'cause of him."

"An' that's where you come in.

He's on your shift;

find out everythin' you can tonight while yer teachin' him t'pack spellbooks the right way.

An' see if his penmanship's as good as Garrett's.

Maybe we'll make a real criminal outta him."

"Arright, you're the boss."

This was “Chump Change” by Alex Katz,

read for you by Rob Macwolf, werewolf hitchiker.

You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Thank you for listening

to The Voice of Dog.