The crux of our discussion centers on the profound assertion that the quality of our relationships serves as a paramount lever for enhancing our business efficacy, health, and sense of purpose, rather than mere strategies or relentless pursuits. We delve into the intricate dynamics that underpin our interactions with partners, children, colleagues, and even with ourselves, underscoring how these invisible connections significantly shape our life outcomes. In this enlightening discourse, we will unpack the foundational elements of relationships that influence success, stress, and sustainability, offering actionable insights that listeners can implement immediately. Our esteemed guest, Parish Walker, an adept entrepreneur coach and author, shares her extensive experiences in navigating the multifaceted nature of relationships, highlighting their structural importance in our lives. Join us as we explore the transformative potential of nurturing our relational frameworks to foster a more fulfilling existence.

The discourse delves into the profound influence that interpersonal relationships exert on various facets of our lives, positing that these connections are not mere adjuncts to our existence, but rather the fundamental structures that underpin our successes and overall well-being. During the dialogue, we explore the notion that the quality of our relationships can significantly dictate our health, professional achievements, and even our sense of purpose. Parish Walker, our guest, articulates that the dynamics of how we relate to partners, colleagues, and even ourselves are not only pivotal but also operate beneath the surface, often remaining unexamined until they manifest in adverse outcomes. This conversation invites listeners to reflect on their relational patterns and consider the transformative potential of nurturing healthier connections, thereby enhancing their lives holistically. Moreover, we engage in a critical examination of the misconceptions surrounding the relationship between success and interpersonal dynamics. Many individuals subscribe to the belief that career advancements or personal achievements are sufficient for a fulfilling life, often neglecting the underlying relational factors that contribute to their success. Walker accentuates the importance of cultivating a robust relationship with oneself as a precursor to establishing meaningful connections with others. By addressing the internal narratives and unresolved traumas that shape our interactions, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that hinder our relational growth and, by extension, our overall success. This segment serves as a clarion call to prioritize self-awareness and emotional intelligence in our endeavors to foster fulfilling relationships. Lastly, the conversation culminates in practical guidance for listeners seeking to navigate the complexities of their relationships. Walker emphasizes the necessity of self-care and introspection, advocating for a deliberate approach to understanding one’s emotional triggers and relational dynamics. By employing techniques such as acknowledging one’s feelings and understanding the root causes of conflicts, individuals can better manage their interpersonal interactions. The discussion not only provides insights into the underlying mechanisms of relational dynamics but also equips listeners with actionable strategies to enhance their connections, thereby enriching their personal and professional landscapes.

Takeaways:

• The quality of our relationships significantly impacts our overall success and well-being, transcending mere strategies or hustle.
• Relationships serve as the foundational structure of our lives, influencing our experiences and outcomes in profound ways.
• The dynamics of relationships, whether personal or professional, often operate beneath the surface, affecting our interactions and emotional states.
• Self-awareness and understanding our own triggers and expectations are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal happiness.
• To foster strong relationships, one must first cultivate a healthy relationship with oneself, recognizing the importance of self-acceptance and care.
• Engaging in self-care practices and finding supportive communities can greatly enhance one's relational dynamics and emotional resilience.

Links referenced in this episode:

• charissewalker.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Suede Charish
• Flipping the Iceberg
• Charisse Walker

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What if the biggest lever is your business, your health, and even your sense of purpose isn't strategy or the hustle, but the quality of your relationships?

The way we relate to partners, children's colleagues, and even to ourselves quietly shapes every outcome that we experience.

And tonight, we are exploring how those invisible dynamics run the machine behind our lives.

So, hey, dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Mind Meets Machine, the podcast where human patterns meet conscious choice.

I'm your host, Avik, and joining me today is a lovely guest.

Please welcome Parish Walker.

So welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Amazing.

Amazing.

So thank you so much for joining us today.

And for all the listeners, I'd love to say that before we dive deep into the discussion today, I'll quickly love to introduce Suede Charish.

So she is the author of Flipping the Iceberg, entrepreneur coach and the mother of six, someone who's lived relationships from almost every single and kind of every angle, I would say every angle.

And helps people build the foundations, these strong foundations, before life applies pressure.

And in this conversation today, we will unpack how relationships influence the success, stress, and sustainability and what all of you can shift, starting now.

So why.

Too late.

Let's get started.

Welcome to the show again.

Thank you.

So true relationships are so important.

Exactly.

So, I mean, before we talk about the frameworks or lessons and everything, I'm really curious, like, when you look back across your life, when did you first realize that relationship were not just part of the life, but it's the structure holding everything else together?

Wow.

I think the first time I realized relationships were probably fifth grade.

I had skipped fourth grade, so I went from third to fifth.

And it could have gone, depending on how my classmates treated me, it could have gone really, really bad.

Or it.

It was really good, actually.

And so it was at that point where they just kind of took me in.

They could have been jealous that I didn't have to do an extra grade or something.

But it was at that point where I. I realized that the importance of having friends, the importance of relying on my teacher because I skipped an entire grade, I had to learn a lot as well as my parents and the support.

All right.

And I mean, obviously that realization that relationships are structural and not the supplemental, it feels like the doorway into everything that we are about to explore.

Right.

So.

And according to you, like, the common misconceptions, like, one thing I often hear is if my career is strong, the rest will sort itself out.

Right?

So like most of us say like this.

Right.

So but from your Experience.

What's the common misunderstanding, like, people have about relationship and the success?

So I think people, they always want what they don't have, Right.

So we look on the other side.

So if you're in a relationship, then you're not in a healthy relationship or happy marriage.

You think, oh, this person might be better.

And so that's how cheating happens.

That's how different things.

And so in a business situation, a professional situation, you're looking, you're saying, oh, if I could only go get to that next level because they have this and this and this.

A good example.

Someone close to me sent me a picture of a car, excuse me, that they just bought yesterday.

Beautiful car.

They're in a very high position.

So somebody that might be lower could be like, oh, if I could only get to that position, it would be great.

But the thing is, it doesn't matter the level you're at.

It doesn't matter the location you're at.

It doesn't matter the situation.

If you're not happy with yourself first and you don't have a.

As a strong relationship with yourself, then really you're not going to be happy in any type of relationship.

And that's where I think we have to start with the relationship with ourselves.

Are we comfortable in our own skin?

Are we comfortable.

Are we comfortable looking at in the mirror at that person and be truly honest with ourselves?

And if we are not happy with that person, how can you be happy with somebody else?

Interesting.

And like, instead of relationship being a side effect of the success, you are pointing to them as the operating system underneath it.

So, yeah, if you can highlight something.

Yeah.

When you talked about the operating system underneath, like, what's cooking underneath.

And that's actually why I wrote the book Flipping the iceberg.

Because 10% is what we see above the surface, 90% below.

So if we can flip that in a relationship, in ourselves, like, we all have this trauma that we're working through or that affected us.

Like sixth grade, I remember running out to the playground and saying, hey, do you want to play today?

And they, like, looked at me, they laughed, and they're like, no.

Well, that shapes things, right?

That shapes, oh, what's wrong with me?

Why don't you want to talk to me?

Why don't you want to be my friend?

Or in seventh grade, I show up and this friend that had been my best friend for three years, all of a sudden wouldn't even talk to me or look at, like, I didn't exist.

And so it's like these Little type, little things that start to affect our confidence, affect our lifestyle and so, and who we are as a person.

And so when we look at somebody else, it's easy to go, oh, they have such a good life.

I wish I was like them.

But they're dealing with their own demons that you don't know about.

And so that's the part that like I've really learned that coveting, we talk about that in the Bible.

Thou shalt not covet that.

It's the same type of thing.

It's beginning to understand why.

It's because you might want that.

But do you really want to take on all that baggage that they also have and that they're dealing with all their demons in their closet?

I mean, when relationships struggle, right, what patterns tend to be running beneath the surface, especially for high performing or overwhelmed people?

Again, it goes back to the trauma, the triggers.

There's some triggers that are starting to happen.

A good example, my daughter's in a workplace right now that she's like, mom, it's drama, it's trauma.

How do I deal with the drama?

And it's because there's this one particular individual who wants to be like talked to on every single thing.

And this is a very fast paced, moving environment where they have to make decisions very quickly and move on to the next thing.

Well, she wants to analyze it and she wants to have time to think about it and she wants time to be able to be consulted about it when it has nothing to do with her or it's like, okay, if you want to be involved, let's give me an answer right now.

And she's like, she has to think about everything and take her time.

So in a situation like that, with relationships, like what is the root of the issue that they're getting to?

It's not what's going on, it's not the decision that needs to be made right now.

What is the underlying what.

What is causing her to feel insecure that she's not.

She's feeling forgotten that she's feeling an.

I mean, I.

She's a 20 year old girl.

Most of these people are 26, 27, in their 30s, late 30s.

And so, I mean, she's feeling insecure and so like there's so many other things that are going on.

So if you can come to the root of why are they behaving like that, why are they acting like this, then I think that that would help a lot of the situations because it's not, again, it might not even be that situation.

A good example is my husband.

And this has my son special needs.

He has Asperger's.

And this happened years ago, so we laugh about it now, but my husband kept telling my son to do something a certain way.

And so when he went to get the pizza out of the oven, he dropped the pizza, it went all over the place.

My husband exploded.

And we're like, it's just pizza.

Why are you so angry?

And he's like, it's not about the pizza.

And in a workplace situation, it's the same type of thing.

You could be upset about something, but it could not be about the pizza.

It could be about, you know, this customer just yelled at you about this thing.

Or, you know, there's so many other things involved.

And so if you can sit, I call it the has method where you halt, you acknowledge, and then you switch.

Because is it about the pizza or is it about something else?

And if it's not about the pizza, then let's figure out what else it is and go from there.

And so that's the part that in a situation, relationships where it's heated and it's hostile, like, are you really upset about right now or is it.

There's other things that are going on.

Amazing.

So it, it sounds like the unexamined expectations and survival patterns that, that quietly drive how we show up long before conflict appears.

Yeah, absolutely.

Because you can still be upset about what you said to me.

Like I would still be upset about something you said to me two weeks ago that I'm still unfestering.

And so the fact that you just said something to me again is going to like, catapult me.

And you're thinking, what?

I barely said anything.

Well, it's because I'm mad at what you said to me two weeks ago.

Exactly.

So like, so how do these hidden dynamics show up day to day in parenting, marriage, business partnerships, before people even realize that something's off?

Yeah.

First of all, you have to acknowledge it and they show up because maybe you were driving on the road and you got cut off.

Right.

And maybe while you got cut off, you spilled your coffee on you, on your lap.

Or I mean, there's like these little day to day things that start to feel like, insignificant or I mean, the insignificant things start to feel significant, so they become like little pebbles that now go into boulders.

And so if it's, I mean, I really believe in self care.

You have to have an out.

You have to have something where you can go and decompress.

Like for me, I get a massage Every single month, faithfully.

It's a little expensive.

But you know what?

My health is important to me.

My mental health is important to me.

And so if you can start to do little things.

And so the patterns, like, if you start to feel like you're getting irritable very quickly over something, that's not a very big deal.

If you feel yourself, like, when you get out of bed and you're not excited for the day, then there's some issues.

And so you need to start looking internally and start asking yourself questions about, okay, I don't enjoy what I'm doing anymore.

I'm not finding pleasure in what I'm doing anymore.

I don't find excitement.

It's not something I want to get out of bed for.

Like, I'm not talking depression.

I'm talking where you're starting to feel maybe burned out or you're maybe like, if there's repeated patterns of irritability, anger, frustration, anxiety, these are like definite triggers and red flags that there's something else going on that you probably need to deal with.

So maybe you aren't happy in your marriage right now.

Maybe you aren't happy with how your child is behaving.

Maybe you're very stressed over finances.

I mean, these are all things that are now going to affect you in the workplace.

They're going to affect you other places.

And quite frankly, when people are told, leave it at the door and walk in, very few people can do that.

Simply true.

And like, suppose if someone is listening and thinking that I feel that strain, right?

So where a grounded place to begin?

I mean, internally or relationally, without trying to fix everything at once.

So I've done this a few times.

So you stand up and you can't see me, but put your arms out, right?

And so you turn in a circle and you're like, okay, who am I touching and who am I not touching?

And so, like, that is what I call the locus of control.

And so if you don't have enough control over things, like, I cannot control what you think of me.

I cannot control what you're going to say to me.

I cannot control anything that you're going to do or say.

I can't change that.

And so what can I change about myself?

Am I happy with myself or am I not?

And so that's the part where I start with how much control do you have over the situation?

Like, my daughter just got engaged this week.

Yay, Right?

Okay.

She's choosing to get married, like, in August.

And we're like, why are you waiting so long?

Let's do it for June.

Like, come on.

And so it's like, well, it's her wedding.

She gets to do with it as she wants.

But I have an opinion about it.

Can I change her opinion?

I cannot change her opinion.

And this is her wedding.

Hopefully it's only her one and only.

So let her have the moment and enjoy it.

Am I going to be excited about that time?

Probably not, but.

Oh, well, you know, she needs to be happy on her wedding day.

And so it's like those little things that put it in the business world, put it in your family, put it with your relationship, put it like your community, it doesn't matter.

You can only control what you think and what you say.

That's it.

So if you're trying to control other people and you don't like their choices, they have their free agency and their choice to do whatever they need to.

So that's where I would come back to it and say, okay, what can I control?

And if I can't control what you're going to say or do or your choices, why am I going to get upset about it?

And let me tell you, when you can learn to do that, it is so freeing.

And it's like, I don't have to worry about anything else.

Like, yeah, I don't agree with what you say, but I can't change it.

So, you know, I'll give you my opinion.

I'll give you my opinion of why I feel that way.

But at the end of the day, if you're still gonna do.

If my daughter's still gonna get married in August, she's still gonna get married in August.

Okay, let's.

Let's roll with it and have fun now.

All right, so.

Okay.

And the idea of slowing down and building awareness first feels most countercultural.

And I also say, yet deeply, deeply stabilizing also.

Right?

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

And you know, like, the change is not a linear thing when old habits resurface or.

Exactly.

The relationships feel heavy again.

So what helps people stay engaged instead of giving up?

No.

Again.

That's good.

The old habits, they don't die young.

It does.

It's like this up and down thing, right?

And it's.

You're at the top of the hill, Your husband or your wife might be at the bottom of it, and.

And then you switch and you Switch.

Right.

And so yeah, I, I again, I truly believe in self care.

I do believe that you need to be able to take time for yourself and fill your bucket.

And so what brings you joy?

I used to have a massage college that we taught well, it was massage students and one of the activities that they had to do is they had to go outside and they had to physically hug a tree.

And I'm like that is so weird, why are we doing this?

But it grounds you, it helps you.

Like putting, walking barefoot on the grass, like things where if you can go outside and get a little bit of vitamin D just for a little while or if you can go outside and take a walk for 10 minutes or something to help you calm down and get grounded, that is a huge thing.

And then finding like for me it's my massage every month, self care stuff that you're like, no, I'm gonna do this for myself.

I'm gonna go get my nails done, which they don't.

I'm gonna go.

Whatever it may be like for me a couple years ago my goal was to run a marathon.

So every day, here's my time, I'm gonna go and run.

And so that was honestly a great time in my life for many reasons.

And so you just have to like, it's okay to do self care.

You really need to.

Because if your bucket, I always think of it cuz I'm visual.

You're constantly putting stuff in.

Well if you're constantly taking stuff out of this bucket here, Here you go, here you go.

Eventually there's nothing left.

So you have to put.

It's just like a bank account.

You have to deposit money to be able to spend money.

So also like for someone who is listening, who feels stuck or disconnected, where in their life are they should ask a relationship to carry weight?

It was never meant to hold alone.

So like where should they go with the relationship?

Yeah, sometimes you have to ask other people.

You might need a coach, you might need somebody to a therapist that can help you see it from a different perspective.

Sometimes like I'll call sometimes my girlfriend.

Like am I out in left field here?

Like do I have a right to be upset?

And of course they're going to validate you, right?

But it's like, no, for real.

Like don't just tell me what I want to hear.

Like what is your opinion and where can we go from here?

An animal, I guess that is meant to be.

Or a herd.

And we are supposed to interact with people, we are supposed to have touch with people.

We are supposed to have relationships.

And so if you isolate yourself, I know many people actually that have isolated themselves and they've gone crazy, um, or they have lost their.

Their mind, like created dementia because they stay by themselves so much, or like, the social skills are not there.

And so I really think, like, reach out and if that means that you need to join some type of a group or social group or something, but you have to be able to interact with people, and you need to be able to get some social skills to feel like, you know that you're a part of something.

That's essential.

Did I answer your question?

Yeah, definitely.

Okay.

And so if someone wants to connect with you, want to know more about your work, where they can find you.

Yeah.

So I do relationship workshops.

And so Shareese Walker.

C H A C H A R I S S E W A L K E r so charissewalker.com is how you can find me.

Love it.

So, dear listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links and the details into the show notes for your easy reference.

And with this hope, I'd love to say thank you so much being a part of Mind Meets Machine.

And dear listeners, like, one more thing is what we have learned from today's conversation.

Right?

So if this conversation has tried something, then sit with it, like relationship, don't the urgency.

They actually invite the awareness.

Right.

So do let us know what you also think.

Have you even faced any kind of situations or not?

So with this hope, until next time, this is your host, Avik.

So stay curious about how your inner world shapes the life that you are building.

So thank you so much.

Thank you.