Dr. Roger Parrott, Belhaven University Chpel Series

Listening to God in loneliness.

There's a lot of research that says college students have a pretty vast susceptibility to loneliness.

Research says, it says because of transition, and it is a transition.

You had things kind of your groove and you had your friends and you had your life and your family right there in high school.

And then you come to college and it's different.

But there's also another transition, especially those of you who are juniors and seniors.

You're thinking about a transition beyond that.

And that feels lonely as well, because you do have your friends and your connections here.

And then there's the pressure of college life.

College students are incredibly busy.

I know you're all awfully busy.

And in busyness, we can become very lonely.

And then there's the issue of unrealistic expectations.

Do you think you ought to be at this level or other people think you ought to be at this level or doing this and this.

And it could create a feeling of failure when you're really not failing.

But it's not hitting that same expectation that you idealized and in that loneliness can set in.

And then there is, I mean, all the research shows a real issue with social media.

It's kind of amazing.

And I like it too.

I'm as connected as you are.

Trying to get some work done last night, and I wound up flipping TikTok, watching golf videos for 20 minutes, like, stop, stop.

You can't stop.

It's addictive.

But the more connected we are, the more lonely we are.

And that is shown in hundreds of studies as social media has taken over our world.

The college students are in that arena.

And I'm sure some of you have experienced loneliness or maybe are now, but everybody finds it at different stages of life.

There are times when loneliness sets in.

And so if we're going to listen to God in loneliness now or in the future, we need to follow to what we learned from Elijah, and especially the last two steps that Elijah took.

One is the reflection.

You can't deal with loneliness if you can't reflect on what's going on in your life.

And the fourth one, being close to God because you will not hear the whisper in loneliness if you're not close to God.

There are really four levels of friendships, and you can't be best friends with everybody, because friendships take time and they take energy, they take investment.

And so there's a first level where you're just friendly and you're not friends friends, but you're friendly and you know each other, you care, you're interested, you're connected.

I probably got thousands of people I'm friendly with, but they're not the ones I'm going to call when life hits the bottom and I need a real friend.

Well, then there's secondly, the committed friendships that are trusting people you can count on people who you can tell the toughest stuff to.

And you might only have one or two or three of those at a time in your life because those take a lot of energy and investment.

But those are really important friendships in our lives.

And thirdly, they're the lifelong friendships.

I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend.

Mary Lou's been my best friend forever.

We met the first week of college of her freshman year.

I'll tell you that story sometime.

But she's my best friend.

And it's a lifelong friendship that just gets deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper.

And sometimes there are other friendships.

I hope you'll make some friendships at Belhaven that will last your whole life.

I met a couple of those in college that lasted a whole life.

In fact, last week between chapels, I got a phone call from the sister of one of the couple of people that I've connected with all since college, and he had a heart attack a week ago Monday and died.

And they called me between chapels, let me know my heart's good.

So don't worry, we're good.

But lifelong friendships.

But then there's only one perfect friendship, one perfect friendship with God and fellowship with Christ.

And that's what we're going to look at today in the 23rd Psalm, that perfect friendship, that perfect friendship that guides us.

And because it is a commitment of God to us in his connection with us as our friend, our Father.

And it is a standard by which we need to use in investing in other friends and how we want to be a friend.

So think of it both ways.

And it's going to take some reflection and some interpretation on your part to fit in your situation as we go through this.

So.

And it's going to have to go a little fast because of time today.

So some of our most important choices in life are our friendships, who we put time and energy with, who we connect with.

I'm not talking about friendly.

I hope you're friendly with a lot of people.

I really hope you are on a small campus you can be.

And that's a really nice thing about a campus.

But who you going to invest in?

And more importantly, who are you going to follow?

Because friends will either build you up or tear you down if you invest in the right kind of people.

And so friendships are built on a question.

First of all, activities or attributes.

You know, if you're playing a football team, you're friends with people on a football team because you've got that in common, the activity.

Or if you're in dance, or if you're in the STEM lab or whatever it may, you have that activity in common.

That's great.

But deep friendships need to be built on the attributes of the people, what they bring to the relationship.

Is it built on competition or character?

You know, sometimes when I hear and, you know, when students have difficulty, I do hear about them always, and they're just fighting with each other.

And they go, but she's my best friend, okay?

I think people get into friendships with people they're in competition with because they don't know how else to relate to them.

And instead we need to be looking at character instead of competition, friendships.

And then is it status or is it strength?

Go back to high school, sitting at the right table, being part of the right friend group.

It's all about status, isn't it?

Hate to tell you, that doesn't go away.

I know people in business who are 50, 60, 70 years old who still are friends because of status.

But the people of status may not be the people of strength in your life.

And then is it entertainment or is it eternity?

I think some people connect with friends just because they're fun to be with.

They're going to be wild, they're going to do something different, they're going to stretch.

It's always going to be interesting.

And sure enough, that is.

But friendships need to be about preparing us for eternity and building in us the qualities that lift us up and bring us closer to God.

So I think, you know, looking at these levels or choices we have to make in friendships, I think after many, many, many years of watching college students come here and studying college students, I think many people would make their life so much better just by changing a friend group.

But we don't do that.

And why?

Because we have a fear of loneliness.

So even though I know this friend group is.

Or this friend is tearing me down, I don't want to give that up because I'm afraid of being lonely.

And so I stick with it even though it's harmful.

Well, here's where the 23rd Psalm becomes our guide friend that Jesus is in the journey of life even when we feel lonely and the standard to use in investing in our friendships.

And it's a wonderful passage when you think of it in terms of this idea of loneliness and friendship.

We have to understand a few things about the 23rd Psalm in order to get context.

First of all, it's written from the perspective of sheep.

It's about 200 times in the Bible, the perspective, the idea, the image of sheep is used in talking about our relationship to God.

Well, the reason is because in Bible, everybody understood that there were sheep everywhere and the shepherds were really important people in trying to handle all the sheep.

And so when Jesus would talk about sheep, everybody knew exactly what he was talking about.

And it's important to understand about sheep a couple things.

First of all is sheep need a flock to manage life.

A sheep who tries to live on their own will die.

They will not make it.

We, in the same way, need each other.

We need fellowship, we need connection.

And we will not make it if we try to go do it totally on our own.

And the second thing about sheep is, yes, they're part of that flock, but the flock falls apart without the shepherd, because without the shepherd, the flock just gets into stuff that that's dangerous and harmful and pulls them down.

Sheep can't really be connected to the flock if each is not individually connected to the shepherd.

And we have scriptures about that.

How the shepherd knows the name and the sheep know the name, hear the voice of the shepherd, and there's a relationship there.

But you can't connect to the flock if you don't know the shepherd.

And some people who are lonely are lonely because they don't know the shepherd.

They're just trying to hang out with the flock.

So you've got to understand.

The 23rd Psalm was written about from the perspective of sheep.

And Christ, who is our friend, who leaves the 99 to find the 1, sets the standard for the kind of friend he is and the kind of friend we should be.

I pray you'll develop friends like that and you'll be that kind of friend to other people who would leave the 99 in order to go find the 1.

Well, the 23rd Psalm, as we look at it, breaks down kind of like a chart.

I developed this several years ago.

It was really helpful to me personally and then began to talk about it some.

And I want to walk you through kind of how the 23rd Psalm lays out for me.

I have to see things graphically.

I have to kind of figure out how the pieces fit.

And so this is helpful to me.

I hope it might be helpful to you.

But you see in this are four unchanging the connection to God, the sovereignty of God, being a child of God and the grace of God.

Those things don't change.

Those are the same for everybody.

We all have the same thing there.

But then the process of between each of those are unique to each one of us.

Those are our personal positions of circumstances and choices and confidence and completeness.

So that's how the 23rd Psalm, if you break it down in where this is going, lays out.

And it's kind of helpful to understand this is not just a pretty poem that you read when things are tough.

This really is an outline and an understanding of how our life is in Christ works.

So let's just walk through it real quickly.

A connection to God.

You see, I highlighted the piece that relates to that.

The Lord is my shepherd.

That's our connection to God.

You see, the first verse of the 23rd Psalm is the whole message.

The rest of it's just an explanation.

But the 23rd Psalm, the Lord is my shepherd.

That is the message.

It is a personal connection.

The Lord is my shepherd.

It's not, the Lord's going to be your shepherd someday.

The Lord's not going to be your shepherd.

When you get closer to him or whatever, the Lord is your shepherd.

It's your choice how close you want to get to him right now.

But the Lord is your shepherd.

But his really key word is the Lord is my shepherd.

My connection.

It doesn't have to necessarily look like somebody else's connection, but my connection with the Creator God and with real life and the messiness of it all.

The Lord is my connection.

You see, because we are sheep.

Now, we sometimes don't want to admit it, but we are sheep.

And when Jesus uses that model, it makes a lot of sense.

Because sheep are dumb, first of all.

Well, we don't think we're dumb, but compared to God.

Remember the illustration I gave you of the universe?

I was looking at some more stuff on that last week.

It's just mind boggling how big the universe is compared to God.

Who could create and envision that?

We can't even put our head around the size of the universe.

Yeah, we're dumb.

Sheep are dirty.

They just live dirty.

It's just how they are.

Somebody has to clean them up and they're defenseless.

If a wolf comes, lion comes, whatever's in the Middle East.

In those times, sheep have no defense.

0.

They can't run and they can't fight.

Their only hope is the shepherd.

So the Lord is my shepherd is where we start in our relationship with God, in his friendship to us.

And as we connect with others.

If we don't have that in common, it's always going to be hard to build real, lasting friendships.

And then we come to our circumstances of life.

I have all that I need.

And he lets me rest in green meadows and leads me besides peaceful streams.

God starts with meeting our basic needs.

Green meadows, sheep have got to eat.

Peaceful streams, sheep can't drink from fast moving water.

They will die of thirst if the water is fast moving.

They have to be by peaceful water.

God starts with our basic needs.

And in our friendships we need to do the same.

Friendship starts there.

And when you think of the friends that you have, do you think of green meadows and peaceful streams or do you think of stress?

Because some of our friendships, we just add stress to life.

It doesn't have to be there.

How can we take that out?

Reflection circumstances start with the basics of where we are.

And then it goes to the sovereignty of God.

He renews my strength.

He renews my strength.

Sovereignty means this, you know, sovereignty is a big word and we talk about it a lot in the church and in Worldview and all that kind of stuff.

Sovereignty means essentially this.

God's got it.

He's got it.

He knows where you are.

He knows who you are.

He knows where you need to be.

God has this.

And that's what the shepherd brings to the sheep.

He renews my strength.

That's not rest.

That's different.

He renews.

He invigorates.

He brings life and vitality and meaning to my life in my connection to God.

If we understand that God is truly our shepherd, we start to look at our circumstances differently because he's got it.

Too much of our energy was put into complaining about our circumstances and wishing they'd just be different.

And if we start with the understanding God, you've got this.

I don't.

If we'd start there, we could get renewed in his strength.

Then the scripture goes on to the choices we make.

He guides me along right paths, paths.

There's more than one way, but he guides me along the right path.

God guides.

He points the way.

And so often we ignore it.

In his scripture, he gives us the way.

He tells us this is the way to live.

And if you'll live this way, you're going to have a much more productive and fulfilling and wonderful life.

But we ignore the path that he gives us.

But he says he takes us on, guys, be along the right paths.

You know, paths are well worn.

Paths are not cut through the wilderness.

Never been here before.

No.

Paths are well worn.

And God knows the Paths that will strengthen us.

He guides us.

He doesn't force us.

We need to stay close to the shepherd or we're going to lose the path.

And then it goes to the next corner, here, which is to be a child of God.

He brings honor, bringing honor to his name.

So he guides me along paths that bring honor to his name.

If we're the sheep and he's the shepherd, it isn't our name at stake, is it?

It's his character.

It's his reputation.

If he drives a whole flock off a cliff, that's on him.

That's not on us, because we're just the sheep.

We're trying to follow the shepherd.

God wants the best for you.

God wants the very best for you.

Because if you're carrying his name and you are his sheep, it's his reputation that's hurt.

If your life falls apart, we can have confidence that God is leading in the right path.

And that brings us to the next section.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare feasts for me in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

I've had too many friends who've gone through some horrible stuff.

Death of a spouse, death of a child, which is even worse.

I've had friends get fired from big jobs.

I've had friends have horrible moral crisis and just crumble.

And what I found during those times of trying to be a friend to them, that most people deserted during those times, most people didn't come around anymore.

Most people didn't want to be associated with it.

They wanted to be associated with them if things were going great.

But when they were walking through the valley of the ship Shadow of Death, they didn't want to be there.

But that's not who God is.

He is with us when nobody else will be.

And may we be the kind of friend who's with others when nobody else is willing to.

But he's not just with them.

He says, I prepare a feast in the presence of my enemies.

Think of that image a little bit.

So you got these enemies who are all after you.

And what's God going to do?

He says, we're going to have a feast.

We're going to put on a banquet.

We're going to have a party.

And they can just watch.

Because I'm celebrating you and our relationship together.

And you don't have to be anxious.

And you're not alone.

You're not alone.

When you're having a feast, which is the equivalent of a party, you're not alone in that because God is with us.

And then he says, I'm going to anoint your head with oil.

You know what the anointing means when you're anointed with oil?

In those days, it meant you were receiving the inheritance of who God is.

It means you were being healed.

It means you were coming into purity.

It means you were the honored guest of the whole thing.

And that's what the scripture says.

In the worst of.

Of the moments of life.

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies, and you anoint my head with oil.

David had lone loneliness, horrible loneliness.

For a guy who's that popular, he was mighty lonely at those five different times in his life.

But at those times, this is what he wrote.

This is what he wrote about how God ministered to him so we can have confidence.

And that confidence fills us with an embracing of the grace of God.

The grace of God is there.

The problem is we don't embrace it.

I've told you before, and I will tell you again before you graduate from Belhaven many times, there is nothing in the world you can do to make God love you more.

Nothing.

Zero.

And there is nothing you can do to make God love you less.

0.

God's grace is sufficient because he loves us.

And his love is not dependent on us.

It comes from him.

When we trust God through the realities of life, then we become overwhelmed with the confidence in God's grace.

When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death and God is with you, then next time you face that, when you come out of that, you feel God's grace.

You understand God's grace at a deeper level.

And you see this thing as a cycle.

And you kind of see how the arrows are going.

Because we're going to go around and round and round on this through life.

And every time you come through this corner of this path of life, through the deep, dark times, you understand his grace even greater and you embrace it more fully.

And then it comes to completeness.

Surely goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life.

Surely.

Means only how they talk in that language.

Means only, okay?

Only despite the realities, only goodness and love will pursue me.

Goodness?

What's goodness?

That's God's resources.

What's unfailing love?

That's God's grace.

And I love this scripture here.

And unfortunately, most of the translations don't get it.

In what you really boil it down to it's he will pursue me.

Too often the traditional says it will follow me.

It doesn't follow me, it pursues me is the correct translation.

So the way this boils down is if you retranslate this a little bit, only God's resources and grace will chase after me every day of my life.

That's the promise that God makes to us in our relationship with Him.

It's not just available, he's chasing after us.

He will pursue us.

He will not let us go.

All we've got to do is stop and turn around and embrace him.

And there comes the completeness.

And then it brings us back to where we started, the connection to God again.

And the cycle begins again.

And the relationship with God grows deeper the next time around.

And the friendships we have with others grow deeper the next time around when they're built on these principles.

I hope you have some wonderful friends right now, and I hope some of them will be a friend for life.

But God is a friend no matter what anybody else does who chases after us with all his resources and grace.

Pick friends in your life that do that for you and be a friend who does that for others.

And when you do, life moves to a different level.

Make that your prayer, and let's pray it together.

As we say our benediction.

No eye is seen, no ear is heard.

No mind is conceived.

What God has prepared for those who love Him.