In this episode of our podcast, we sit down with Grace—a woman whose strength and faith defy the depths of loss she's faced. How did she navigate the profound grief of losing a spouse, and what paths has her healing journey taken? Tune in as we explore the remarkable power of faith in the most testing of times. This isn't just a tale of sorrow, but a riveting saga of finding hope in despair and an unwavering love that holds the power to transform pain into purpose.

Here's a summary of what is covered in this episode:

• Grace discussed the strength her faith provided after her husband's passing, maintaining a sense of gratitude amidst her loss.
• She emphasised the unique purpose of each individual in God's plan and the importance of preparing spiritually for life's challenges.
• Highlighting the need for active decision-making, Grace spoke about choosing to do right, like forgiving, to align with God’s strength.
• Grace encouraged others to trust in God's presence and plan, even when facing the uncertainties of life.
• The conversation concluded with an acknowledgment of Grace's inspiring faith and her belief in God’s comforting awareness of human suffering.

MEET GRACE

Grace is joining us from Vancouver in beautiful British Columbia, Canada, where she embraces life as a devoted stay-at-home mom to her children, Boaz and Hanna. Her spiritual journey began in her childhood, finding salvation at the tender age of eight within her church's sanctuary. Faith has been her cornerstone, guiding her through over a decade of joyful marriage until facing the heart-wrenching loss of her spouse to lung cancer. Today, Grace's resilience and commitment to her faith and family shine as beacons of her strength.

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very special guest for today.

Hello and welcome to What's The Story?

My name is Sotheby's.

Bain, and today I am talking with Grace Krasinski all the way from Vancouver in

bi in beautiful British Columbia, Canada.

Um, I had the pleasure of meeting Grace when I was in, um, Vancouver

this summer and at my sister's church, and it's, um, it's wonderful

to have you here with us today.

Grace, thank you so much for being here.

How are you?

I'm doing well, thank you so much for having me.

Oh,

it's

our pleasure, it's our pleasure.

So um, Grace, you're from Vancouver, tell us a bit about

what um, home life is like for you.

I know you've got two kids, so tell us a bit more about that.

Well, let's see, home life is busy with the two kids, my

son is 10, he's in grade 5.

And my daughter is four.

She has not yet started school.

And, um, yeah, so there's six years difference between them.

So it makes, it makes life pretty interesting.

She's a lot more independent than he is, um, which is an interesting dynamic

when it's the younger one, you know, who's a lot more able to occupy herself.

Um, she loves to chase her brother around and she's, uh, very perceptive.

So she knows all the right buttons to press, uh, to get a reaction.

So, uh, It's entertaining, but it's, uh, can be challenging.

Yeah, I can imagine.

Yeah, right now.

Yeah, keeps you on your toes, I bet.

Yes, absolutely.

And it's, uh, teaching my son, you know, how to be a servant.

You know, he is the elder one and he does know better, but it's

really hard when she's just pushing those buttons and she, well, yeah.

That's great.

Um, so Grace, share with us, um, Briefly about how you became a Christian.

Sure.

So, um, my parents actually met at church.

My mother, she got saved when she was in college.

Um, she, uh, was born and raised in the Philippines, and so she went to

Singapore, and then, um, she came to Canada, and she met my dad at church.

So, I was, You know, that was the path I was on since before I was born.

Um, and, um, I remember being really little, being around five years old when,

um, I was really, really scared a lot.

Um, and, um.

I remember, um, uh, I was just in my grandmother's basement, actually, and I

was just, I was just scared of everything, I was worried about going to hell, and um,

but I didn't really understand anything, but I remember praying that night.

to God and saying, God, please, please protect me from hell.

And then I didn't, I didn't have a lot of fear after that.

I remember I was able to sleep well after that, but it wasn't

until I was eight years old when I really fully grasped the gospel.

And, uh, it was, uh, August 4th, uh, 1997, and it was late at night, and the

Lord was really working on my heart.

Um...

And I had, you know, heard the gospel so many times because I grew up in church,

and I remember going to the window and looking outside and saying, and asking

God to, um, you know, come into my heart, to, to be my Savior, that I knew that

without the sacrifice of Jesus that I would be going to hell, and, um, so

that day I accepted Him as Savior, and I have, you know, served Him and sought

Him, well, I've tried to, ever since, and um, yeah, been in, well, yeah, I've

never left church or anything like that.

Um, it's a very, very, it's very, very straightforward.

Yeah, what does, um, serving or what has it look like serving Him for you?

Um, serving is really, has really been about just doing right,

just doing what I know is right.

Um, there is, you know, and because I went to a public school growing up and,

um, and you're surrounded by people.

Um, well, when, you know, when they're not, when they're not Christians,

you're surrounded by, you know, messages and people saying, yeah,

you can be whatever you want to be.

You can do whatever.

You know, be yourself, um, but you know, what, what is yourself, you know, um,

because your self changes, you know, going back to my son, you know, one

week he liked shrimp, you know, the next week he didn't like shrimp, so

which is, you know, but I mean, I mean, that's really, that's a very shallow

thing, but there's a lot of things that are deeper in you and we chain, you

know, and so, um, serving the Lord has really, has really meant, well first off,

you know, it's right to go to church.

You know, it's right to read your Bible and it's right to pray.

Those are the things that you, you should do, you know.

And the Lord, the Lord blesses that kind of obedience, right, when you

know you maybe you don't feel like it, but you know that it's right and

you do it and the Lord, as you, as you obey Him, He purifies your motives.

He purifies the path that you're taking so that you're no longer giving or, um,

you know, attending or reading your Bible or praying just because you have to.

You're actually doing it because you've seen Him work in your life.

You, um, Uh, you really love him and you, um, you know that you can't

survive the next step, survive the next minute, you know, without him.

And so that's what, that's what serving has meant to me.

It's just being obedient to what you know is right and allowing the Lord

to work as, as, um, as you do that.

So you've been doing that from a very young age.

And I, um, do you have siblings?

I do, I have a younger sister and a younger brother.

And were they, um, so they were brought up in a Christian home

as well, and you were all, um, serving the Lord, walking with Him.

So what were those relationships like for you with your brother and sister?

Um, you know, they're, they're very close.

Uh, my sister, she is exactly, actually, 18 months younger than me,

and, um, you know, You know, we grew up watching my mother listen to sermons.

We watched her read her Bible and pray all the time.

And my father too is, um, very, uh, particular about doctrine and.

Um, you know, a studier.

He likes to go into detail and study things.

And so, you know, we come by it really honestly, because my

brother is a very big studier.

You know, he knows a lot really well.

And um, and we have that as a, you know, not just being siblings, but we have that

as a connection to each other as well.

Um, yeah, my sister, my brother, sister and I, we are very close.

We might not, um, tell each other everything, but.

In all circumstances of life, we have always been there for each other.

And I know that if I need something, at a drop of the hat, I can go to either

of them, and they'll do everything in their power to, to help me.

And, um, you know, they both love the Lord and seek after Him.

And that's, you know, there's this quote, I think it's, uh, Calvin and Hobbes comic.

He says to his, he says to his stuffed animal, he says, I don't

relate to the people I'm related to.

It's a cute little quote, but you know, it's kind of sad too.

But, um, but, and I have relatives like that, you know, but with my brother and

sister relating them on a, on a, you know, a physical level because we're related

and a cultural level, because we're, we grew up in the same house, but then

on a spiritual level, it just makes it.

That much sweeter.

Yeah, for sure.

And that much closer, so.

Yeah, that's very special, and it's a blessing.

It's for sure a blessing, yeah.

So I remember when we talked earlier, you said about your sister's role,

it was quite instrumental wasn't it, in helping you meet your husband.

So do you want to share a bit about that?

Yeah, my sister started a job.

Um, at a restaurant here in Vancouver, and, um, she actually started the same day

that my husband started, um, albeit he was in a much higher position than she was.

Um, and, uh, yeah, I went, I went to visit her one day and

she said, Oh, this is Michael.

Um, yeah, he started the same day as I did.

And, um, and I said, Oh, okay, that's fine.

And, um, I was sitting at a table.

Um, I was sitting at a table and, uh, he had just finished work and he, he sat down

next to me and I made some sort of a, I don't even really remember what it was.

I just made some sort of a joke about my sister and he didn't laugh.

So I thought he was a jerk.

Um, whatever, that guy's not funny.

Like I'm hilarious.

Why wouldn't he find me funny?

Um, and that was kind of it, um, for a little bit until he.

Um, until one day I went, actually had dinner at the restaurant with a friend

of mine and I went up to the line where my sister was cooking and Michael was

there and I just made a face at him because I didn't think very much of

him and, um, and, uh, said hi to my sister and then went off and sat down

and, uh, so, you know, I had dinner with my friend and went home and then

my sister comes home and, you know, she's my sister, so she tells me.

You know, everything, especially if it relates to me.

So she said, Michael called you a really rude name.

And, um, so she just told me the story where after I had left, he

said, Oh, is that your sister?

Um, and then he just made a comment and I'm not going to say

it because he hated this story.

He really, really hated this story.

So, um, but of course she told me and then I just was like, well, what?

I don't, you know, I don't like that guy anyway.

So now I don't like him even more.

And, um, on New Year's, uh, was it New Year's?

It was anyways, uh, I was back at the restaurant and, um, he came up to me

because of course she told him that he told, she told him that she told me.

No response, yeah.

Yeah.

And then he's like, He's like, I was, I was joking.

I was trying to get a rise out of, out of your sister.

Like, I'm sorry.

I didn't really mean, I didn't mean it at all.

And I'm like, yeah, whatever dude.

Um, I just turned around and walked away.

And then he sent me a message on Facebook later.

He said, look, Grace, I actually didn't mean it.

Like if you were really offended, I'm, I'm sorry.

And I said, you know, um, I'm like, you know, I know I acted all cool and

stuff, but I did forgive you when you asked me sincerely, you know, because.

I asked you when you, yeah, yeah, said, well, that's very Christ like of you.

And so, and I was in this really, really weird phase, um, where I had

been learning, you know, cause you grow up in church, you learn about all,

you learn about the goodness of God.

You know, God is love.

But I was in this phase in my Christian walk where I was learning

about how God is consuming fire.

And, uh, so he said, well, that's very Christ like of you.

And I said, well, You know, it's also Christ like to chase people

out of the temple with whips and, you know, and he's like, well, okay.

And so then he, um, so we got into this theological discussion and I realized

that He was a Christian and, um, I guess him and my sister, they would sing hymns

on, uh, when they were working together and, uh, change the lyrics sometimes

about his cat, but, um, but yeah, so he was, he was a Christian and he, he

was born and raised in church as well.

His dad was a pastor, his, both his grandpas were pastors, um, and,

uh, it, it snowballed from there.

Um, and my sister called it when I said, Oh yeah, Michael and

I are arguing about Jesus on.

On Facebook, she's like, well, you're going to fall in love and get married,

and so, lo and behold, she called it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's cool.

So what did happen then?

How did you end up falling in love and getting married?

We just, um, we genuinely, well, you know, you start off with a

theological discussion and, you know, I automatically knew he was a Christian or.

And, um, those conversations really develop to the point where

it's like, well, now let's hang out, you know, and hang out.

And we would just, you know, we would go for walks downtown Vancouver

and we would just be talking and we just got along so well.

And it's something that people have always noted about us,

that we just would get along.

And, um, my aunt calls it, we would circle our wagons.

Which I don't really understand, but I kind of do.

You know what I mean, where we would just come together and it would just be done.

And everything would be, you know, we were just cohesive and good.

And so we would, we just started hanging out and then it got to a point where

it's like, well, what are we going to do?

Like, are we going to start dating or what?

And so, yeah, we, You know, started dating and that was on January 15th,

and then, um, January 15th, 2010, and then, um, in February, or no, it wasn't

even in February, it was a week later.

And he said, and he said, look, and I know how the Lord had really worked on

him because he said, I'm not like, I can't be in a relationship if it's not serious.

I'm not, I'm not here to, um, have fun.

I'm, I'm, I'm either in a relationship to get married or, um, or nothing,

you know, and um, it actually had.

This is actually, this was actually one of his things or one of the things that

the Lord had really put on him because he had been in relationships before and

none of them worked out and he had decided two years before he met me that he wasn't

going to date anyone who he wasn't going to marry and, um, and he stuck to it.

You know, he, he had purposed that in his heart and, um, he stuck to it and,

um, And so I told him, I'm like, well, I'm not in, I'm not in a relationship

to just have fun too, you know, my greatest ambition in life, which I say

that really sardonically, but, but in all sincerity, I wanted my, my, I only

ever wanted to be a wife and a mother, you know, that's, and I don't know that

that was, I don't know if that's just my Christian upbringing, you know, just

the way I was raised or what, but that was just my, I, that's all I wanted to

do was be a wife and a, and a mother.

And so you can't be a wife and a mother and just have fun in

the dating world, you know?

So when he, when he talked to me about that, I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm not

interested in just having fun either.

I, I didn't, we didn't, I didn't hang out with you and start dating you because I

thought, yeah, you're just a good time.

Like we.

Obviously have a lot of chemistry, but you know, I'm, I'm, I'm

in this for the long term.

And so that really set the, the tone, um, and, uh, that really, you know, and then

you're on the same page and you know, you know, and after that it's learning

about values, you know, and our values are aligned because I told him, I'm

like, I want to homeschool my children.

I don't want them in public school.

He's like, yeah, I don't want her in public school either, you know, and, um.

Um, yeah.

And we were going to church together and, and, you know, all these things.

And like I said, our values, um, aligned and, um, it was, it was a kind of a

done deal after that conversation, which was, I mean, so we're like,

well, when should we get married then?

And it's like, well, we, we just started dating.

So maybe not right now.

Um, but we wound up getting married in August of 2010.

Um, because.

Uh, his, we wanted his dad to perform the wedding ceremony and

it was either in August or November and we were tired of being apart.

So, um, we were like, let's do, let's do August.

So we, along with a lot of help, put the wedding together in a very quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, um, that was, you know, that was.

Yeah, so you've said a few times that you guys were aligned and

that you were on the same page.

Was he born and raised in a Christian home as well?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was.

Um, so four months after he was born, his, his parents met at, um,

Prairie, um, which is a Bible school.

I think it's in, oh man.

I want to say Alberta.

Yeah, I want to say Alberta too, but I'm like, cause it says Prairie, but no.

Um, yeah, so his parents met, um, there and, um, his father.

Uh, was called to be a pastor and, um, and so for actually four

months after my husband was born, they left for Austria, uh, to be

missionaries there for a little bit.

Uh, and, um, yeah, he was, he was born and raised in a Christian home.

Um, both his parents are still, you know, serving.

His dad is, uh, he's a retired pastor, but he still, I don't even know if.

Retired is the right word because he's still very active in his church.

Um, you know, he's an elder there.

Um, part of all the big decisions and whatnot, and he still preaches a

lot and is, is very much a servant.

Um, and, um, cool.

Yeah.

So you guys got married in the August?

Yeah, we got married in August and it was, um, It was good.

I mean, the first year of marriage is, you know, for all the, for any, any

newlyweds listening, you know, it's, it's wonderful, but it's also challenging,

you know, all blessings in life.

Um, all real blessings, I should say in life that, you know, all the, everything

worth having will be tested and that's, and it's all the better for that.

Um, you know, we figured things out in the first year of marriage and,

um, our son came along in 2013.

Mm hmm.

And, um, our daughter came along in, uh, in 2019.

Um, and you know, through all that, you know, attending church together, um, you

know, serving, I like, um, I do enjoy teaching and, um, so I, you know, teaching

Sunday school to the kid, to kids, to, um, to, I like, I'm very passionate about.

Young, young girls, um, cause I was one and, um, I know how hard it can be, so,

um, I have a, I have a heart for them.

And, um, so teaching there, um, yeah, attending church together, um, working

and, um, you know, just, just living, you know, and, uh, you know, just

being together and it's, it sounds so simple, but it's, it's a real blessing.

You know, to be able to do that.

To do life, yeah, yeah.

So, um, you enjoyed, was it 10, 11 years of marriage?

Is that right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we, yeah, we married in, yeah, 2010.

Mm hmm.

Um, and, uh, August 2010, and, um, we didn't quite make it to August.

2021, but we did celebrate 10 years together in 2020, we, um, we were

supposed to, uh, go to, um, Las Vegas cause I, I've actually never been.

And so we, uh, we had booked a trip and we were going to go see, I think it was

Cirque du Soleil and, um, you know, just sightseeing, interesting thing there.

Uh, and, um.

Then, of course, it was 2020, so we had to cancel the whole thing.

And, um, so we actually just wound up going to Whistler, um, uh, up here.

Um, for those who don't know, it's this, um, it's a, it's a It's mostly

known for skiing, um, you know, a lot of the Olympics happened, um, but in

the summer it's really, really nice too.

There's beautiful trails, um, the drive up there is amazing, you can

look over the edges and see a really beautiful blue water, um, I would call

it the sea to sky highway, don't they?

Sky highway.

Yeah, it's just, I just love that drive.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's the sea.

Yeah, so we, uh, we went up to Whistler and spent a few days there

together for our 10th anniversary.

And I mean, you're just together, so it's fine.

You know, you don't have to go see Cirque de Soleil or, you know, go

to any fancy restaurants in Vegas.

You know, you can just, if you, if you're together, it's fine.

Mm-Hmm.

. Um, so yeah, that was 20, that was 2020.

Um, but um, in 2019, actually, um, in 2019, our daughter was born in March.

Mm-Hmm.

, uh, and then.

In June...

I think it was, yeah, it was May or June, um, he started, uh, having chest

pains, which we thought, hmm, okay, um, but it got to the, you know, you

know, just like little things, you just think they're going to go away.

And, um, and then.

It got to the point where he wasn't able to walk as long, um, because he

just, he would have trouble breathing.

Um, and of course that at that point, you're like, okay, this is

something we gotta go to the doctor.

And then we went to, he went to the doctor and there was water in his lungs.

And, um, which they promptly drained and they didn't know what the cause of it was.

And after, you know, um, and so eventually they, uh, had to do a surgery where they

actually went in and looked in his lungs.

And, um, in October, we found out of 2019, we found out that

he had, he had lung cancer.

Um, which was, you know, sad and difficult at first.

Um, and I think it's a very natural human reaction to, um, uh, you know, freak

out, or just, just feel the full weight of those negative emotions at first.

Um, and it was scary, certainly.

Um, But then you just remember, you know, who you serve and who's in control

and you, you kind of think of it, um, and, um, but we were really blessed

in that, um, he happened to have this, uh, a DNA, I think it's, I think they

called it a mutation, this DNA thing where he was able to take, uh, this,

this oral medication for the cancer.

And I forget, it's a very small percentage of people who are able to take that.

It was one of them.

Um, so that was, you know, a huge blessing.

He didn't have to go on chemo or anything.

He could still work.

Um, and so he started on that medication, you know, right, right away.

Um, and it really improved, improved his health.

and really helped him for a time.

And so he was on that medication from October 2019.

Of course, we celebrated our 10 years in, in January, sorry, in August of 2020.

And then Um, it wasn't until, uh, the end of 2020, um, that he

started, uh, just feeling off a bit, getting headaches and stuff.

Um, but he was mostly fine, you know?

And so, um, and he kept on doing his regular checkups and they had

actually decreased his checkups because the medication was shrinking.

He seemed to be doing, you know, really well.

But then, uh, in March of, in March, 2021, he went for a checkup and he came

home and told me that, um, the medication was no longer working and that he

would need to start chemo pretty quick.

Um, so that was.

Um,

obviously unwelcome news, um, but it's one of those things that the reality of it

kind of just creeps into you slowly, um, before you really realize the full weight.

And, um, when he found that out, he took a week off of work and, um, our

daughter's birthday was on March 21st.

And he, he had, and as the week after that appointment, as the week progressed.

Um, he was getting more and more tired and he was lying down a lot more.

And so we went to, um, celebrate my daughter's birthday on, uh, I

think it was this, yeah, the Sunday.

Um, but he couldn't, he drove us there, but he couldn't drive home.

So, um, and then the next day, uh, I noticed he was slurring his words.

And, um, so I called his doctor and took him to the hospital, and, um, they

did a, eventually they did a, uh, was it a CT, no, an MRI, and they found,

um, the cancer had reached his brain.

Um, and, um, they did have, um, Um, a plan for that, um, but he was decreasing

his, his health was decreasing, you know, so rapidly, um, that I think that the

doctors just couldn't, couldn't really keep up, um, especially, you know, here

in Canada, when you're waiting, you know, he, um, when you're waiting for a time

to get an MRI, um, Like, it was a week, you know, he went into the hospital and

they're like, okay, he needs an MRI.

Well, it took, it took them a week to get that MRI, you know, so.

Um, yeah, the cancer has spread to his brain, and...

Um, and they were going to check to see if it was on his spinal, his

spinal cord as well, if it had traveled from the lungs up into his brain.

But, as this is happening, his, um, ability to eat was, His ability

to walk was diminishing, all the basic things he couldn't do.

Was he still at home at this point or did he stay at the hospital?

He was in and out of the hospital.

He was in and out.

Um, he was, um, initially, um, initially he was in there for about a week.

Um, and then he insisted on coming home.

Um, and then, um, and then a few days later he had to go back.

www.

Um, and was in there for about two weeks, um, and, um, he was in there for two

weeks and then he came home for about a week and then he went back for two.

Yeah.

So he was, he was in and out of the hospital, um, throughout this time.

And, um, yeah, it was about six weeks of just absolute chaos, you know, um,

and, um, it was really, it was really quite a blessing, um, like, you know,

some of the good things I will say.

Um, is that we had a lot of, like, social workers come to support us.

Um, you know, they, they gave us, uh, you know, uh, you know, things for our

showers so that he could take a shower.

We had nurses, uh, three times a day to help with his care.

Um, that when he was home for, it was about two weeks that he was home.

That was really helpful.

Um, his mother came up, his father came up.

Um, his sister who lives in California came up, his other sister who lives in

Vancouver, she was around constantly.

My sister of course was around, my parents as well, and um, everyone was here.

You know, supporting us and, um, you know, doing everything they could, um,

you know, taking care of the children and, um, and, you know, taking care

of me and, um, yeah, it was, uh, it was, it was very, very hectic.

When he was in the hospital, um, you know, we would take turns.

To go and see him every day, um, and it was still, there was still quite heavy

COVID restrictions, so we couldn't go.

Um, you know, it was very particular, you know, when we went and who we

went with and there were all these documents that we had to fill out

and sign and, um, and whatnot.

But, um, so that, that complicated things a bit more, but we

were, we were able to do that.

Yeah.

Wow.

Um, so you were saying, um.

Earlier that his, um, his eating was diminishing, his energy,

he was feeling more fatigued.

And so he, he just, did he just keep going downhill from there?

Yeah.

And I hadn't noticed that he had been slurring his words until that Monday.

Um, the, the day he went into, the first day he went into the hospital,

um, because he had just been sleeping at home the whole time, you know, he'd

just been lying down and sleeping.

So I, I didn't talk to him much except for, Hey, do you need anything?

You know, like, and just one word answers are okay.

Um, but, um, but yeah, it got, um, it got to the point where he could mouth

things, but not really, but I couldn't hear it, but his voice wouldn't.

The voice was gone.

Yeah.

Yeah, and he couldn't eat anything because his ability to do.

Those things.

Um, I'm not sure if it was, I'm really bad at science.

Um, if you tell me anything about anatomy, it just goes, I can't.

Um, but you know, the doctor would come and they would do exercises

with him, like with his hands, they would say, push on my hands, or,

um, would check to see his hands.

Uh, how he would be able to control his tongue.

And so, like, one day, for example, I brought him a drink and they said,

You can't give that to him because he won't be able to swallow it.

And I'm not too sure if it was because...

The, um, the instructions from his brain weren't getting to his

tongue to be able to do that.

Or if it was just, um, physically because there was, um, possibly

cancer in his spinal cord or, you know, something probably sounds

very ignorant, but, um, um, but his abilities, his abilities to physically

do things diminished quite a bit.

But one of the blessings was that he still.

His mental capacity, or at least his ability to remember,

was still very much present.

So he would, he recognized all of us whenever we came.

His mom told me that, you know, she would tell him that I would be coming the next

day and he would be happy and he would smile and he would respond positively.

And he would see his sisters and he would smile at them, you know,

he would see his children, he would smile at them and react.

And so in his mind, I know in his mind, he, there were these

moments of clarity that he had.

Um, they weren't all the time, but.

Um, he, he, he remembered us, uh, and I've heard from other people who have

had relatives or known someone who with brain, you know, things going

on in their brain where they don't remember, you know, and that can be

quite, quite difficult and quite sad.

Uh, but, you know, my husband, he did, he did, even though he had

lost his physical abilities, you know, at the end he couldn't walk.

I'm not sure he could have lifted his hands, um, but, you know, he could

at least look at us and remember us.

So that was, that was a blessing.

Yeah.

And also great that you had such a network of support around you in, in those days.

So, um, what happened then, like how, how did he, in the end, how did he pass

away and what was that like for you?

Where were you?

Were you with him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

Um, this is, this was thankfully my first and only time thus far,

um, you know, going through this.

And, um, so I didn't, I didn't really know, you know, and

everything was changing every day.

Um, no two days were alike and you can just imagine just the, uh, the chaos

that that, that kind of a thing caused.

Um, and, um.

So he, he came home for two weeks, um, because, well, I'll just back up a bit

cause I think this is really funny.

Um, he was in, uh, he was in Surrey Memorial Hospital and, um, he, uh,

he, Escaped one night, um, cause he just didn't want to be there.

You know, this is what I mean by he was mentally clear.

Like he could, he could, he could still walk at that point.

This was, this was, um, about four weeks, um, you know, before

he, before he eventually passed.

Um.

So he was, and he could still walk, and I don't know how he escaped,

honestly, but they couldn't find him.

They, he escaped, and I was sleeping, but they called.

It was like one in the morning.

A police officer actually found him and brought him back,

but um, the nurse called me.

She's like, I he doesn't want to be here.

But they, they, Like the doctors and the nurses, they didn't want to

send him home because they're like, it's going to be too much for you.

Like the amount of care he needs is going to be too much, but

clearly he needed to come home.

Like, he escaped.

Everyone, everyone who knows that, they're like, yeah, that's the

most Michael thing I've ever heard, that he escaped from the hospital.

He's a, he was a big guy too.

He was six foot five.

I really don't know how he did it.

But anyway, so he came home.

The next day I picked him up and brought him home.

And he was there for two weeks.

And, um, it was encouraging a little bit because, um, you know, I got him to eat.

Um, he was just happy to be surrounded by his children.

Again, you know, we would sit and watch TV together like we had done

before, you know, um, It was difficult at night, um, um, just because of his

medication, he couldn't sleep, um, but he would come home and, um, but

he would, you know, he would rest and, uh, we could be together like that.

Um, um, just, I mean, just like normal is what I mean by like that.

And um, and that's, um, but as the days progressed, um, he was

getting steadily worse, um, um.

We were blessed with really beautiful weather that month.

It was a very sunny, sunny March and April that year.

Um, and, um, his parents would come and, um, you know, we would Uh, just be, just

in my backyard, just be together and, um, the kids would run around and play,

you know, on the trampoline and, um, he would just be surrounded by frat families.

And it was a Thursday, um, and, um, he, uh, he needed help to go down the stairs

and he needed help to get up the stairs.

So his dad was doing that, um, and his dad was also, you know, we got.

Um, his favorite dessert, this key lime pie, or one of his

favorite desserts, I should say.

He just loved pie, um, but his, but I just remember his dad feeding

him, you know, key lime pie and, and helping him drink his coffee.

Um, but my daughter had actually gotten up from her nap, um, and she was running

around and um, it was just before dinner.

And, uh, Michael, he looked at her and then he started weeping

and real weeping, like sobbing.

And, uh, it was just the saddest moment for all of us.

And you know, we've wondered, or we've, we've asked why, um, because

he kept looking at her and she was.

Two at the time, she was running around and just being, you know, her happy

little self, um, not understanding, but going to him, you know, because she, she

absolutely adored him and, um, he would just, he just looked at her and just

sobbed and, you know, in that moment, all of us surrounding him, we just.

We really just saw the depth of, of where we were at and what

we were, what we were facing.

Because when everything is chaotic around you and, um, you know,

there's just so much movement and no time for just stillness, you're

just trying to get everything done so you can get to the next part.

But because he, because Michael stopped and looked at her and cried, that's when

we all stopped and, um, and, and saw what.

He was facing and what we would all be facing.

Um, and so, uh, the next day, um, the next day he, uh, he tried to get out

of bed, but he wound up lying on the floor and, um, he couldn't get up.

And the doctors told me that.

You know, if, if there's a point where he can't get up, then it's time,

then you need to call us, we need to take him back to the hospital.

So, I, uh, I called the ambulance and they took him, they took him to the

hospital and, um, it was very, um, rapid.

From that point to where he maybe ate for maybe three more days, and he

just, he just couldn't, um, and, um,

so there was about a week, um, sorry, he was brought up to, Uh, the Oncology,

um, I want to say Department, or the Oncology Floor, um, but then they, um,

oh man, I'm forgetting the word, but then they brought him into the next

one, um, which is, um, Palliative Care?

That one, yeah, that one.

They brought him in there, and, um, I remember the day we went in there, um,

that was a Saturday, so it would have been a week later after this, after he went.

And, um, they said, uh, the nurse there, she said, do you have any children?

I said, yes, I have two.

And she says, you need to bring them tomorrow.

And I said, I don't, I don't know.

I was thinking I might bring them on, you know, Monday or Tuesday.

She's like, no, um, the managers aren't here, begins, and you'll have

a lot more trouble bringing them.

I'm here tomorrow.

You need to bring them tomorrow.

And I'm, okay, okay.

You know, and you have to understand that I was.

I was just in so much just pain personally that I don't know if I

can face my children, you know, if I can bring them into this, you know,

like, I don't know if I can bear that.

But the nurse says, no, you're, you should, you need to bring them tomorrow.

And so I said, okay, I'll bring them tomorrow.

And you know, that morning I was really, the next morning was Sunday morning and

I was, I was sad and scared and crying.

And so I just sent out.

Messages to certain people, uh, who I know could get a hold of God and

say, Can you please pray, uh, for my, for my children, especially, because

we're going to go see Michael today.

And so I brought them there and, um, it was, it was, it was a

really, really nice visit for them.

Um, you know, I, my daughter, uh, I thought that she would be.

nervous and afraid in a really strange place, but she wasn't.

She, uh, ran around, she colored a picture, she sat beside Michael, and

she said, Daddy, Daddy, and he, you know, he looked at her, and um, you

know, could smile at her, and my son, he was, um, much more, he knew more,

you know, so he was just much more comfortable, um, but he, he could stand

there, and it was hard for him to see his father in such a diminished state.

But he could be there and see him.

And um, it's just one of those things, um, one of those graces that the

God, that God, you know, gave us is, you know, to put it on that nurse's

heart to say, look, you need to see your children today or tomorrow.

And um, it wound up being the last time they saw him, which wasn't, you

know, it was never my intention, was never my intention, but you know, for

our last visit, um, I'm, but I think it's also better that I didn't know.

And I think it's better, you know, at least that my son didn't know

that that would be the last time.

Um, it was, but it was a beautiful, it was a very beautiful last visit.

So that was, that was Monday, that was Sunday.

And, um, on Thursday we had made all the, uh, by Thursday we had

made all the arrangements to take him, um, to the hospice.

Um, but I, I went to see him as well.

Sorry, I'm jumping ahead, but I had to, um, back up a bit.

Um, on Tuesday, I went to go see him and spend the day with him in the hospital.

And, um, uh, you know, we sat together with him for a

long time and I'm a knitter.

So I, I was just, I would sit in the hospital and just sit beside him and

knit and sort of, and talk to him a little bit, tell him about things.

Um, and, um, uh, uh, the doctor came in, um, because, um, You know, at

that point, not a lot of people were answering our questions just, or we,

yeah, we didn't have a lot of answers.

And um, the doctor came in, she said, is there anything you want to

know, or how can I help you guys?

And I, I asked her how long he had, and she said, um, uh, she said, it looks

like a few weeks just based on, you know, physical things, and I thought, oh, okay.

And that made sense with the way things had gone, um, you know, I had accepted

that he would be going, you know.

Um, um, maybe accept is not the right word, but I had, but it, but

I had understood, you know, this was, this was the way it was going

to go, um, in all the, in all the chaos, you know, that I understood.

Um, and so after she left, you know, Michael and I, we just sat next to each

other and, um, he looked at me and he said, um, or he mouthed, he asked me if

I was sad and I said, yeah, I am sad.

Um, but God has been really good to us and, um, it was, um, you know, in

the shower a few days before and I was thinking, you know, it was just

a moment of quiet in the shower and I was, I had been thinking about,

about the situation I was in and, um, wondering where the Lord was in all this.

And I thought, and, and so I, I thought about how.

Our daughter came, you know, when she did, because we hadn't intended for

our children to be six years apart.

It's just how it worked out.

Um, but she came at the right time, you know, for her, for, for him to enjoy

her and to, um, just You know, just the apple of his eye, you know, um, and then,

you know, COVID as well, just the way it was, allowed us to be home together

in the last year, um, and, um, that, you know, in itself is a huge blessing,

as well as my husband's last job that he had, he got to work with,

you know, a really close friend, a friend who was a Christian.

Which was a huge blessing for him, and um, you know, when he, actually it was one

of his concerns when he first, uh, found out that there was cancer in his brain,

he's like, I wonder if I can go back to work, and I'm like, that's a funny thing

to ask, but you You know, he enjoyed going to work, and that was his last job,

and that, you know, was such a blessing, and even throughout his illness, um,

before, right before he was, uh, he had to go into the hospital, there was this

one night where I was lying in bed, and I was reading a book, and it was, I was

reading about this rich, wealthy character who had a lot of power, and, um, was in

a position of great authority, and this person was in, in the course of less than

a year, they are, you know, enslaved on the other side of the world, you know,

and complete opposite circumstances.

And I remember thinking that night, I'm like, that's, you

know, that's interesting.

Right?

I'm like, how life can change like that.

And we don't often think about that because it often doesn't, um, but I

remember noting it and thinking about it.

And then my husband came into the room and I'm like, okay, well it's time for bed.

And um, he, uh, he pulled me into his arms and just, you

know, just, we're just hugging.

And I remember falling asleep there and just being so thankful

and so happy and, and just, and I, I remember that, that snuggle.

Um, and that was a few weeks before, you know, everything started going down and

I, and I just remember it so well, just thinking, just being so grateful for that

moment and, you know, in the hospital, when he first found out, when he could

still stand up and walk and we found out that he had cancer in his brain and I was,

um, I helped him go take a shower, um, when he could, he could still function

at this point, um, and, um, him and I, we stopped and looked at each other.

And, um, he just pulled me into his arms and he hugged me and, uh, I'm 5'6 and like

I said, he was 6'5 and I remember him, you know, holding me in his arms and he

put his head, you know, gently on mine.

And that was, that was the last hug that he could ever give me.

But I remember being in that hug and the Holy Spirit saying, cherish

this, you know, remember this.

You know, and did I know it was the last time?

No, no, not at all.

I know that that, that snuggle would be the last snuggle

that I would really remember.

The Holy Spirit, you know, came and, and, and just said, rest in this, cherish this.

And, um, the night, the night before he went back to the hospital, um,

uh, for the last time, you know, we were lying in bed and, uh, he

put his hand on my, on my belly.

I was lying next to him, he put his hand on my belly and I put my hand over his.

And.

I actually took a picture of it, but I also remember the, just, the Holy Spirit

saying, cherish, you know, because at that point, he was, you know, like I've

said a bunch of times now, he was losing abilities for everything, but he, you

know, he, he, he remembered that I was his wife and that, you know, to put his hand

there, you know, on my belly like that, and just to cherish that moment, and so...

You know, going back to, you know, when I started talking about all this, um,

you know, when he asked if I was sad, I, you know, yeah, you know, I told him I'm

sad, but I can, I can point to things.

To so many blessings and so many goodnesses of God throughout, and so

much mercy from the Lord throughout this whole time, even in the midst of chaos

and, um, in the midst of, you know, uncertainty, you know, there is always a

Lord to go back to and just to stand on.

And, um, and I, I told him about that and I said, you know, God has

been really good to us, Michael.

And he said, you know what he said.

And um, so a few hours later, um, I had to go.

Um, but I looked at him, I went, I looked in front of his, I, you know,

I stood in front of him and I said, um, I love you, and he mouthed, I

love you, and he puckered out his lips for a kiss, and um, that was

the last time I, I saw him awake, um.

because as I said, um, arrangements were made for him

to go to hospice on the Thursday.

On Wednesday, both his sisters went to go see him and they had a really nice visit.

You know, his sisters came back happy.

Um, and, um, then on Thursday, I went to the hospice, which was

just five minutes, not even five minutes from, from our house.

Um, but by the time I got there, he had been sleeping, he was sleeping,

he, um, uh, he, I guess he had been in a lot of pain when he got there,

so they gave him medication and he was sleeping and I stayed there with him

for a few hours and then I went home.

His mother came and I went home and, um, you know, I was still operating on

this belief that he had a few weeks, um, because I had just been told that, you

know, the Tuesday, you know, Tuesday, um, but then my mother in law sent a message

and said, He doesn't, like, he's not going to last the night, not last the night.

And so I quickly packed up, um, I packed up and, um, went to the hospice

and, um, my mother in law was there.

And, uh, she said that, um, I only know this because I was told, um, but

you know, people who are, who are.

You know, dying, they, uh, their breathing gets really, um, uh, how do I say this?

It stops for longer and then it go, and you know what I mean?

Like there's long pauses between their breaths.

And, um, she said that he was doing that, but then when I got there,

his breathing actually became a lot.

More consistent.

And she thinks that he would have gone because she was there with when

her, when both her parents died.

And she said that, um, she thinks he would have gone had I, had

I not, had I not showed up.

Um, but I, I sat there with him that night.

Um, and when I couldn't sleep anymore, I think I got up around 6 or 7, I

couldn't, um, but I, I sat next to him, you know, and I prayed and I, I

sang, I read, read scripture to him.

Um, you know, and I sang hymns to him.

And then his breathing got really, really shallow, really, really,

really stunted I should say again, before 8am he, uh, he passed away.

But, the last thing I said to him, and I didn't know he was going to go

that, I didn't think he was going to last much longer in the morning, but,

you know, the last thing I said to him was, you know, I love you forever.

And then he went.

And he just, he just stopped breathing and he was gone.

Yeah.

Wow.

Grace, it's heartbreaking to, to hear that and to hear your pain and, um.

I understand what, what you've been through as a family with your kids as

well, but, um, from the sounds of what you've said, um, there's still so much

that you're thankful for despite the struggle and the loss, and the Lord

has blessed you, um, with so much.

Yeah.

You know, there.

There is so much, there's so much beauty to be seen when you look, when

you look at the Lord, or when you, you know, attempt to look at the Lord

in whatever circumstances you're in.

And, um, there is,

uh,

um, there's always grace, you know, always strength to be had.

Um, and knowing that, you know, I couldn't...

Can't do it alone and I can't, um, survive alone and who I can look

to has been really what is carried.

It has helped me have perspective, you know, and um, it's not, it's not, it's not

me, really, it's just the fact that, you know, I, I grew up knowing, or I grew up,

you know, reading, reading the Bible, and studying the Bible, and so then when these

things come up, You know, you know what to do, you know where to go, you know,

uh, uh, you know who you can lean on.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

He's, God has carried you through the little things, and you know He's not

going to abandon you in the big things.

Mm hmm.

Um, but it's a matter of, of taking pause and looking, you know, looking around.

Mm hmm.

And I just remember that verse, um, you know, precious in the sight of

the Lord are the It doesn't say, well, it's only, you know, peaceful deaths

in bed from old age that are precious in the sight of the Lord, you know.

No, all, all the deaths of, of, of the Lord's saints are precious.

And I know that God doesn't take a life lightly, even though it's,

sometimes it feels like he does.

Um, uh, I know that.

I always know, I've always known that, um, that nothing is done

without a reason and waste his time.

Absolutely he doesn't waste his time, but he doesn't waste our time either.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Um, Grace, what would you say, um, so I know in like often in challenging

times, we learn and we grow the most.

If we allow ourselves to, um, which I know you have, what would you say has been,

um, like, what have you learned about God, about yourself in or through this?

Um,

I've, I've learned that, um, well, one of the fascinating things I've learned,

I mean, the Bible talks about how God sees the end from the beginning.

Um, he's outside of time, right?

And I mean, that's what we see when we see it all through the Bible is how

Um, you know, God's telling you the future, um, he's telling you the future

while the things, and he's telling you the present and the past and the

future, you know, kind of all at once.

And he's telling you things that are going to happen while things that

he's already said will happen have happened, you know, and one of the

things I've learned or really have been able to see is that he prepares

you for the walk that he has you on.

And, you know, it's just like.

You know, um, and you don't know what's going to happen in the future, but if

you, if you stop, if you, if you spend your time wisely looking up at the Lord

and seeking Him in obedience, you'll be prepared for it, prepared to react.

In a certain, in a way, in, in, in the way that, you know, that

the Lord would have you react.

Um, and, um,

you know, I could, I could really go on forever just talking about how the

Lord brought such and such a person in my life to help me, to help prepare

me for this, how the Lord did this to set me up for this, you know.

Um, but.

It's, um,

there are no details that are too small for God, you know, and there's a verse

in, uh, I think it's First Chronicles,

but, you know, David says to the Lord, Thou knowest thy servant, and

God doesn't treat everybody the same.

You know, we're all different as snowflakes, you know, we're

just different from each other.

But God knows the exact way how to get our attention.

He knows the exact way how to treat us.

And He wants us to have the right responses.

He wants us to respond in faith.

He wants us to love Him.

He wants us to glorify Him.

And so He puts things into our lives, and He prepares us to give us the best,

the best Chance possible to Mm-Hmm.

react right way, um, to bring glory to him.

Mm-Hmm.

to show others that he is merciful and he is gracious.

Mm.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really like what you said, that God prepares us for our, for our walk.

That's, that's very true.

That's very true.

Um, what would you say is your, um, one message, if you had one message to give?

Your, um, one maybe key learning, I don't know how you want to, um, uh,

interpret that, but if you had one message or one message, what would it be?

Um, I would, I would say, um, pretty simply would be to seek

the Lord, but it's not simply, but it's not simply seeking the Lord.

Um, it's not simply...

Just seeking the Lord and seeing what He'll say and then, well, if you like

it, then you do it kind of a thing.

It's more, it's more submitting, submitting to the Lord and see what I

have found throughout my life and in so many situations is, um, or here, let

me give an example I think that maybe most people can relate to is, uh, you

know, the need to forgive somebody.

That has done you wrong, you know, um, so often we look at that, you

know, if they've really hurt you, you look at it and you're like,

there's no way I can forgive them.

There's no way.

But then you remember, well, Jesus said to forgive and he doesn't say,

well, unless they did something like this, you know, unless they,

you know, um, he doesn't say that.

He says, you are called to forgive.

And so, what I have learned in every situation is you need

to decide to do right first.

And that's when the Lord gives you the strength to do it.

Because we're facing situations, and the Lord looks at us and says,

Well, what are you going to do?

And the example I give, you know, forgiving, it's like,

Okay, well, I'm going to do right, and I'm going to forgive.

And the Lord can take care of it.

Right.

But you have to, you have to make that decision first to do right.

It's that will to obey, isn't it?

That will to obey.

Yeah.

You may feel like, all right, I'm going to, you know, like you're angry,

you don't want to, and you know that, and, and you just really want to, you

know, get your revenge or whatever, but in every situation, whether it's.

Um, you know, needing to forgive or you're going through a tragedy,

make the decision to do right.

Make the decision that whatever, and sometimes it's just a matter

of going to God and saying, God, I don't know what's going on here, but

I need, but I want to hear from you.

I want you to tell me what to do and what you tell me to do, I'm going to do it.

You know, and that's, and that's what walking by faith is, it's, you know,

deciding to do right, diligently seeking God, and deciding to do

right before He even tells you to.

And what I have found is that, you know, these situations, and, you know, I've been

through these situations before, but not quite as, uh, as raw and, you know, just.

And, uh, you know, uh, painful as, as, as experiencing the death of a spouse,

you know, there are certain situations in life that just, they just strip, strip

you to your most naked spiritual self.

It reveals exactly what you are, you know, so, and it's not,

and it's not always sad things.

You know?

Mm-Hmm.

Like, it's like when your baby is born and you've got a, this

little baby and it's wonderful.

Mm-Hmm.

But, and you, yourself, you are starving, but your child is

starving and like, what do you do?

Like most of us feed the child.

Yeah.

feed the child and you will exhaust yourself and starve yourself.

Mm-Hmm.

For the sake of that baby.

Mm-Hmm.

. And that shows you, and that, that reveals yourself to you.

You're you're like, I didn't know I be this selfless.

Yeah.

I didn't know that I could give as much or love as much as I could.

Mm-Hmm.

. Mm-Hmm.

. Right.

Um.

And in those moments, and, and, and so in those really, those really,

there's really just deep moments that, that just strip you down and

they, they reveal to you what you are.

And most of us don't like it.

Most of us don't, what's revealed actually, I would probably say like 99.

9 percent of the time, it's not pretty, you know, but we have the

Lord and we can, we can change it.

That's the beauty of being a human, you know?

Yeah.

Um, is that.

Is that we can change and we can make the right decisions and we

can even in our fallen state, you know, turn and seek, seek the Lord.

And um, so I would, my one message, my one message would just be

to seek and submit to the Lord.

um,

because you feel like you're blind.

But I think it was, you know, Corrie Ten Boom who said, uh, I'm going to

butcher this, but she said something like, don't be afraid to trust

an unknown future to a known God.

Mm hmm.

You, you can rely on absolutely everything he says.

When he says that I will be your strength, you know, he told Abraham

that I am thy exceeding great reward, you know, and when he, he says that.

He will gather you under the shadow of His wings.

You can believe those things.

Those things are real and those things are true because you and your spouse may

have a loving, wonderful relationship, but like in my case, like I don't, I

don't have Him here anymore, but I do have the Lord, you know, um, and the

Lord is the one real thing, the one true thing, the only thing that will always.

Always exists, that has always existed.

Thanks Grace for sharing that.

It's a real beautiful reflection of your heart for the Lord and I see the, I see

your, in your story, your faithfulness.

to the Lord and being obedient to Him and submitting to Him

and seeking and serving Him.

It's, um, it's really wonderful to see that even despite the stripping and

the pain and the deep, um, loss that you've experienced, that you're still

you're still able to hold your head high and, um, you know, for, for the

Lord that you're, you're serving Him and you're walking in obedience to Him.

It's really powerful.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for letting me share.

I know that, you know, we're not taught these things for ourselves.

You know, we're taught them for others, that we can help others.

And you don't have to be afraid of the Lord's will in your life.

It does hurt.

It is painful.

But, um, at the same time, Um, it's not wasted, you know, um, the one verse I love

in Psalms is, Thou tellest my wanderings, um, um, what does he say, Thou tellest

all my tears, are they not in your book?

And, you know, and he talks, and he talks about how our

tears are in a bottle as well.

We are so precious to the Lord, and He, He records our tears,

and He, He collects them.

And He's not collecting them for nothing, you know.

And the treasure that we get in Heaven is worth the pain that we go through here.

Absolutely.

Just let the Lord do His will in our lives.

Yeah, yeah.

For sure.

And just stand down, let him do his thing.

Yeah.

Um, Grace, I'm really conscious of the time.

Um, before we wrap up, is there, if any of our listeners wanted to

reach out to you, what would be a good way for them to do that?

Um, I suppose my email.

I'm not, I'm not on social media right now.

Um, but my last my, my email is just my first name, Grace.

Um, g r a c e dot kristinski, k r e s t i n s k i, at gmail.

com, um, and so, yeah, and I do check my junk mail, so if it happens

to go there, I will, I will notice.

Awesome.

Yeah.

We'll add that to the show notes for sure, for sure.

Grace, thank you so much for your time.

I can't thank you enough for sharing your story and for being so honest and

real with us and showing us your heart.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you for having me, and um, it was good to talk to you.

So that's, and you too.

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