• Katy emphasized the importance of self-care, using the metaphor of not being able to "pour from an empty cup." She reinforced the idea that one's body is a temple and that looking after oneself is essential.
• Both Anna and Katy discussed the idea that learning about oneself and personal growth is a continuous journey, suggesting that many life lessons are ongoing.
• Katy shared her personal story of trauma, grief, and PTSD. However, she also talked about finding silver linings in challenging situations and using her experiences to help others.
• Katy introduced her platform, "Journey of Smiley," which offers resources on grief processing, PTSD, and mental health

Hello and welcome to What's the Story.

We're an inquisitive bunch of hosts from the What's the Story team on a

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And now, without further ado, Let's meet your host and our

very special guest for today.

Hi and welcome to What's The Story?

My name is Anna Kettle.

I'm one of your hosts here and this is a podcast full of stories all about

faith and courage from everyday people.

Now today I'm joined by my friend Katy Parker.

Katy is a Christian mental health advocate and a trauma informed well

being writer who integrates mental health and faith into her words.

She is originally from Slovakia, as you'll probably detect in her

accent when we chat in a moment, but she now lives on the south coast

of England with her husband Chris.

Katy writes about her own journey of overcoming trauma on her Journey of

Smiley blog, and also hosts the PTSD My Story project, which is a safe online

space for trauma survivors to share their own stories, and also help fight

the stigma surrounding mental health.

Now, Katy, that all sounds pretty cool and I'm looking forward to

hearing more about it in a second.

Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today.

much.

Now, there's so many interesting parts of your story and I'm

keen to unpack all of them.

There's like a difficult childhood that you had growing up in Slovakia, um,

and then More recently, you lost your mum to cancer, which was very sad, and

you've also been involved in a major car accident that had some really life

changing consequences for you, actually.

So, I want to get into all of that stuff, but I guess shall we start right back at

the beginning, and maybe you could tell us a bit more about your background, about

what life was like growing up in Slovakia, and how you became a Christian too?

Mm hmm,

Uh, so, yeah.

Um, I, I was born in Slovakia, uh, yeah.

And yeah, my life in Slovakia, uh, you know, I mean, I, I have lots of cousins.

We are a big family.

I've got lots of cousins.

My mom comes.

from a big family.

I came from a big family.

Uh, yeah.

And so, um, I kind of, when I think of my childhood, I always try to think like

of the happy times, you know, making, meeting up at granny's place at holidays

and yeah, um, having all the cousins or uncles, aunties, everything all together.

Uh, but then as well was the side of growing up in Slovakia.

Family, immediate family.

My mom did have a quite a hard life, I must say.

Unfortunately, I mean, as I said, she comes from lots of children.

Yeah, she was one of the oldest.

So, and so she had to kind of

help lots of time at home as one of the oldest.

Um, then she got married and, um, my father was alcoholic, unfortunately,

and my mom as well lost her first child very, yeah, so the first child actually

she lost as well before I was born.

So, uh, yeah, she took out through lots of things, you know, but to be

honest, um, she was always my role model because she was very strong, yeah, she

was very strong, she was very strong in faith, and that's how my faith, yeah,

that's where my faith comes from, you know, is from my mom, cause, uh, yeah,

she was, everything she went through, you know, Um, and how strong she was

always in her faith is really something I admired, actually, many times.

And then, um...

After I finished school, I went to Germany.

Um, I studied there as well.

And after that, I came to England, yeah.

And I studied in England as well.

But whilst I was in England, um, I studied here at university.

And I met here my husband, yeah.

And that's where we live, in England, the south coast.

Uh, but when I came to England, um, My mum became ill then, uh, she got

cancer, unfortunately, and it was really tough because I was here in England

and she was living in Slovakia and I think it is many times people who, you

know, when we leave our country, uh, we think we can go for something better

and so usually it is hope for something better and so, but then when something

like this happens, when you, um...

Yeah, when you kind of suddenly have something going on at home,

and you cannot just, you know...

Got in the car and drive there in an hour, be at home or so.

It always kind of sets you in a thing where you think, where you kind of almost

think if you, if you done, if you made the right decision, if it is all okay.

And so, but my mom was an amazing person when it comes to this.

She always supported me.

She always was, you know, after my dreams, like, yes, yeah, you know,

you go, you go, you, you got to go.

Really, you know, and so she wasn't somebody who would keep me at home

and so, so yes, yeah, it wasn't easy, but we managed for years.

And luckily I was working, um, because I was working in school in

a private, um, kind of education and so it was easy for me to go every six

weeks, really, to visit her, go home.

Um, and unfortunately the cancer returned again and she lost her

battle then and it was very strange, very, yeah, very hard as well.

Yeah,

So, yeah.

that's so tough to, like, it's so tough to deal with grief and just

having someone dealing with long term illness in your family, any kind of

long term illness where, yeah, you're having to travel backwards and forwards

internationally, that's, it's just such an extra stress, isn't it, on an

already difficult situation, I'm sure, and yeah, to have to navigate that,

I can only imagine, it's just very

you know, you just, you just do what you have to do, you

Yeah, yeah, that's really

it's what you have to do, and then, yeah, that's what you just try, and you

just, you just pray really, I mean, I just prayed that I would be able to do

this, you know, um, and yeah, I was just grateful as well for this, that I had the

opportunity, and that I could go every six weeks home, and so on, and so on.

yeah.

But you weren't, you weren't unfortunately able to be there in time for when

she actually passed away, were you?

Like, she, um, yeah, because of the travel.

Yes,

So that, that must have been really tough as well, I can imagine.

um, I had an operation myself, actually, at the time when she passed away, and

my, uh, kind of, my plan was that, because my brother was then at home,

and whilst he, uh, he as well kind of...

Moved then away from Slovakia, but then he came the last few weeks, yeah, the

last several weeks when mum was really bad and he came and he stayed there.

And I was hoping to go afterwards, I was thinking, okay, I'll finish my

university a year, you know, I'll go home and I will be there with her and

look after her and so, and the plan was to I went every six weeks home.

In summer it was longer because I could stay for longer because

long summer holidays and so.

But then, so I was home in February and then six weeks after I was

supposed to have my operation.

I already had a ticket home to go on Sunday and my operation was supposed

to be on Friday and even my mum was like, Oh, you know, like, you shouldn't

probably travel, you know, like, like parents, obviously, getting a little bit

worried, you know, you shouldn't perhaps travel straight after operation and

say, no, worry, mum, we'll be all fine.

And my brother is at home, he can look after me as well,

you know, and all this thing.

But I was like, no, it will be all fine.

But, you know, we many times We plan, God has got different plans as well.

Not everything is in our power as well and we cannot control everything, that's true.

And so, as I was there, um, in hospital already, preparing for the operation.

Now, I was worn obviously in this kind of hospital gown, laying in a

bed, and so, and I fell asleep, you know, and then now, I go, I woke up

because I had a dream, like I could see Angel in my dream and I woke up

and I was thinking, Oh, was it, like, did I already have my operation or so?

Like, what was it really?

Like, I don't even know how long I slept, actually, for.

Uh, so, I, uh, reached for my phone, and then, as you have a phone, you see

sometimes the first line, kind of, of the message, and so, and I could see there

was a message from my brother, and it said mum is in comma, and I was Oh no,

I kind of panicked, I was, I was even scared to open that message, you know.

I was like, hopefully I didn't have a patient looking at me like, I think I'm

still alright, so I went to the toilet.

And as I was there, I, in the bathroom, I opened the phone,

actually opened the message.

And I read it then.

And I was a little bit kind of thinking irrationally as well, because I was

thinking, what am I supposed to do?

Like, do I run away from the hospital, or like, what?

Like, I don't even know what am I supposed to do, like, but

I need to go home, you know?

And so I phoned my husband, and he luckily, he

Yeah, right.

book me onto the last plane, and last, last, yeah, space, actually, on a plane,

the last ticket back home that day.

And, um, so I was thinking, okay, let's now just take a deep

breath and start to think like rationally what you're going to do.

So, obviously, I need to go to see somebody and I need to tell them.

So, I did find like some nurses and I did tell them what has happened.

They were very, actually, very good because they were, you know, they

were like, oh, like, is there maybe like we could phone to hospital?

And I was like, no, it's actually not in this country, you know, I need to go home.

So they were like, oh, no, like, yeah, don't worry about it.

Like we can schedule the operation for another day.

And so, so I was like, okay, my husband came to pick me up and yeah, we just,

they drive home, we packed quickly and he made me something to eat because like

before the operation, you don't, you're not allowed to really eat anything.

And so I was thinking, okay.

Yeah, and I was thinking, okay, give and take, who knows when I'm going

to have, like, food again, like, just, and you know, your stomach

kind of, you don't really want to eat anything, but then you feel like

I probably should have something.

So I had some, yeah, something small to eat he made for me, and I just

packed a cloth thinking, you know, I'm probably just going be at a funeral,

really, to say goodbye, because...

What else is going to really happen?

There is not much really to it.

So I packed my black clothes and everything mostly and we were driving

to the airport and we got there and I remember we had a bit of time and so

we sat and my husband said, okay I'm going to get some hot drinks and so

he went to get us something and I just know and then as he left I had a phone

call and he looked at me because my phone just started to ring and he looked

at me and And there was my auntie and she just said, and I, unfortunately,

I, yeah, my mom passed away.

I didn't manage to get there and so I just look at him, he look at me and I was

just shaking my head saying, no, we just didn't, I just didn't make it, you know,

so it was the longest journey than home because I had to take a plane, then train,

a night train, you know, and everything.

I bet,

was just thinking, you know, it's almost, it's almost like.

You don't really think this is actually really happening, you don't really

think like, what I'm, yeah, yeah, it's really like being in a shock really, you

think like, no, I'm like, No, it's not.

Like, you know, it's going to be okay.

Like, when I get there, it will be okay or so.

The thing is, it's not, unfortunately.

So, I go to home and I remember the next day, actually, or actually,

was it maybe the same day?

My brother actually asked me if I would like to go to see where my mum is, kind

of in the coffin, and so before the funeral, you know, and I said, yeah,

of course I would like to go, you know, and And we came there, into this room.

you're like almost in shock.

Now, my mum was lying, and she kind of, she smiled.

She really, she was there with a smile, closed eyes and so, but with a smile.

Now, and as I walked in, what I saw, and I said it now, I shared it with a few

people, and I don't really know still what I'm supposed to think about it.

Maybe it's a sign or so, but I saw my mum, almost like, like she lift up or

so, like from like lying, and she's It's kind of sat up, but like, gliding, yeah,

um, and she just looked at me and she just said, you know, so, you, you finally

you're here, and you know, with such a smile, and then she back, kind of glid

back into the lying down position, and I was just totally shocked because I was

thinking I so much wanted to come here, but now I'm like, I'm, I was really like,

almost like scared or so, I was thinking.

Am I getting crazy?

Like, is it because I haven't really had any sleep?

Is it because, like, like, what's going on?

Like, I was thinking...

Is it like, and I just kind of ran away from that place out and

my brother was like, you okay?

And I was like, do you know what, I really don't, like, I, I don't know,

like, I don't really know what, if I am okay and what I should think about it.

So I said this to him, I shared it with him.

And then I was thinking, you know, I was actually saying this, um, quite

recently to a therapist and she said to me, what do you think it kind of meant?

And I was like, You know, that's what I'm kind of just trying to

think all the time myself, really.

And then she said, Do you think it might be maybe, like, some sign or something?

I said, like, I wonder if it was a sign.

Maybe my mom knew that I obviously wanted to be there, you know, and

now thinking that some of my family were actually, they were there,

my brother, his family, and so on.

I wasn't there, it wasn't really for me.

So, That you just kind of beat yourself for this all the time,

you know, you think, why, why I didn't come just a day earlier?

Why I just, you know, so I was thinking, I wonder if he said,

was just saying, Her saying, it's okay, you know, it's all alright.

It's all alright as it is and you don't need to blame yourself.

So, but as a human, we often, you know, we often blame ourselves for things

like this and I did blame myself.

yeah, yeah.

It's easy to feel guilty, isn't it?

Because, um, because you didn't make it in time, but obviously there was nothing

you could have done in that case, and in some ways it really feels like, I know,

sort of like listening to your story, it feels like, God's grace and hand was

on that situation, even though it was really tough and you were really far away.

It's like the fact you didn't go into that operation when, you know, minutes

earlier or something, that that text came through just in time, it was

like, kind of, even though you didn't get that chance to say goodbye that

I know you really wanted, it's like God's grace was sort of there and he

didn't let you go through the operation.

When you needed to fly home and see your mum, and then that kind of, whether

that happened or it was just the mind, I don't know, but like, that moment

you had where you just felt like your mum saying it's okay to you, and you

know, that, that peace, like, it's really good that you were able to get

a little bit of closure, and it sort of feels like, obviously it didn't unfold

quite the way you wanted it to, and it was disappointing that you didn't get

to say goodbye face to face, But also, yeah, that feels like kind of like the

next best thing, like that closure.

like, like I really needed it probably, you know, so, yeah, even though it

kind of like scared me, I didn't know what, what should I think about it,

you know, but then I think now actually with the time and I think, yeah, I

probably needed it, I probably just needed to kind of say, you know, it's

all fine, it's all okay, you don't need to blame yourself for everything and,

you know, because, because we often do people because, you know, then.

Things like this happen.

We always kind of ask things like, you know, what could I do still, you

know, I could do this different if I just do this, you know, or whatever.

So we often do kind of, um, blame ourselves and it comes, yeah,

literally with grief, um, yeah, comes this blaming and even shame really,

you know, and all these things.

So, uh, yes, yeah, but I think now as I think about it, you know, I as well.

Uh, it was quite hard, obviously, when my mum passed away, and, uh, but...

It was so hard actually to, you know, my, now my husband actually, uh, then we were

still kind of dating to get in, so, but I, I didn't want to even to get married,

you know, for, for a while after this.

I was just thinking, no, I don't want to.

'cause I couldn't imagine no.

To have my mom there, you know, like obviously every girl I know when they

get married, kind of having your mom there and, you know, all this thing and,

and, um, Um, my, my, uh, father passed away as well, but then as I said, they

were divorced and so, uh, so I wanted to have my mom there, obviously, and, uh,

for a while I was really thinking I will never get married, and then, you know,

I, I met somebody actually, a friend of a friend, I think, uh, was it, um, she

was going to get married then, and I, and she kind of asked me if, like, oh,

would you go, and so, and I was like, You know, I said to her, like, I probably

will never get married, because I said to her what has happened and she said to

me, you know, she said to me something that really kind of hit me, she said

to me, now imagine you would say this to your mom, because she passed away or

she departed and she's not anymore in pain, because she left you, you're not

going to get married, like, how would she Feel if you would say this to her.

And I wasn't thinking, oh gosh, I would never say this to my mom.

Like I would break her heart, you know?

I could not just like have my mom here in front of me and saying to her like, ma'am,

I know you're not in pain now anymore.

I know you're not suffering now anymore, but because you left

me, I'm not going to get married.

I was like, oh gosh, I would never be able to say this to her, you know?

So I said to her, You know, I never was actually thinking this way, that, yes,

yeah, you are right, obviously, uh, I, I would never be able to say this to my mom.

And then I think, if I, like, what would I then say to my mom?

And what would she say back to me?

Obviously, she would want me to get married.

She would want me to still continue in my life to be happy and so, you know.

So, and that was another thing what I just after

Yeah.

this said, you know, I think my mom would be happy for me if I did.

Would get married, so, then we just, yeah, eight years ago we got married.

Definitely.

That's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

eight years ago.

It's your anniversary this week as well, you were saying.

But yeah, I think you're so right though, because it's, I think grief is, it's

such a tricky thing to process, isn't it?

And it takes time and it can make you feel so emotional and can

really change your perspective.

But actually, I think that's really insightful because it's like those who

leave us, you know, um, You know, I kind of think those of us who are left behind,

the best tribute to those we've lost is to continue to live our lives fully.

And, you know, I think that about people I've lost, I think the best way to

honour them is to live the best life I can, you know, because I still get to be

They and they would want you to, you know, and, and it is not like, 'cause

you know, first actually I was thinking as well, no, is it not like that?

Like I, I didn't like my mom, or I didn't love my mom because I would

want to enjoy my life or so, but actually it's not because yeah, they

would want to do this actually, you know, they would want us to do this.

And so I think, and as well, grief is, you know, grief is not like,

okay, did my mom passed away?

I agreed and now, It's all fine.

Grief is not like this.

Grief comes, you know, the time comes when, when you suddenly

you want to cry and then...

Just cry, it's fine, you know, it is okay to cry, just allow yourself as well those

emotions and so, you know, I mean, as long as you don't stuck in this, really,

then, then, you know, God gave us emotions for a reason, I always say so, so, and

I think that it's okay to feel whatever you feel, because that's as well the

way to heal then, you know, if you don't allow yourself to really to feel those

emotions and we just suppress all the time, then, you know, We never really get,

um, really the healing, you know, how do you want to be whole if you just don't

allow yourself, you know, to do this, so.

And I went through this, I went through this lesson, through this myself,

really, because, yeah, as you said, there have been so many things in my

life, yeah, my mum, and then obviously my accident as well, which we probably

were going to talk about as well.

That was another thing, really.

Um, because I think I, until then, I was trying to, just anything would happen

in my life, I was just, you know, going to go like, oh, it's okay, you know, I

saw my mum, she was like, always coped with everything, she was a fighter,

really, person, and even the cancer didn't break her the first time, and

so I was like, you know, she was, and I was like, always wanted to be like her.

But then...

You'll later kind of notice, like, you know, we never kind of at home

talk about, for example, about trauma.

So we would talk about faith, she would bring us to faith and to God and so, but

we would never, like, you know, even those things are still sometimes I think taboo,

like mental health, trauma, and so, you know, and so first after my accident,

like two months after when I had, um, when I was diagnosed with PDSD, and so,

um, first, Also really thinking I need to heal, but, but maybe I actually need

to heal from everything really, because, um, you know, my accident, so yeah, uh,

just talking actually about it briefly.

Yeah.

Tell us a little bit more about what happened because you

had a road accident in 2020.

You were involved in a serious car accident

yeah,

and it almost cost you your life at the time.

So tell us a little bit more about that and how that affected you and

then we'll talk, we'll generally pick up again on that, that whole theme

of like healing from trauma and, you know, the impact on your mental health.

But yeah, just, just.

Backtrack a little bit and tell us a little bit about the accident.

What happened,

yeah, what a year was it 2020, for everybody, a lovely year not

to forget really, and yeah, just.

Yeah, just when I was thinking, okay, this cannot get surely any worse than here,

you know, it's coming towards the end.

So yeah, just a few weeks before the end, yeah.

No, for me, it just really came then, uh, yeah, I was going home from work

and I only leave like, what, 10 minutes from my work, so I was walking, I

was walking and as I was crossing a road, um, a car hit me, a van hit me.

And I just end up on the ground, obviously lying on the ground, and I

even, I even remember kind of in my mind, I was just kind of saying to

myself, just get up, just get up, but I couldn't, I could not even move really.

So, um, then again is the silver lining, see, again, God, thank

you, usually, because there was lockdown, so my husband was really...

just 10 minutes away or five or so where it happened.

Uh, so somebody went to, because there was a witness as well, so somebody

went to get actually my husband.

Um, and, and then, uh, yeah, uh, my husband came and then the hospital, um,

and, uh, yeah, the hospital pass, the ambulance came and all these things and...

I unfortunately had to go to hospital by myself, not with him, because of lockdown,

so, uh, so they took me to hospital, I had all the scans and everything, and

they did actually figure out that I had a fracture, a fracture in my back.

So I first couldn't move at all, uh, then...

Later on, I was on the walking frame, yes, I was on the walking frame, and a

week later, actually, I was on crutches.

I know it was the first time on crutches, and there was vijiva with me.

We were kind of doing these exercises, you know, teaching you how to walk

with crutches and all this thing, and I know I was coming back towards my

bed, and there was like a big window in front of me, and I look at it out

of the window, and I could see the traffic, I could see the ambulances,

yeah, ambulance cars, and I just stood there, and I couldn't even move, you

know, like frozen, I just stood there.

I was in my mind back then, you know, where it was all happening, and so,

and, uh, yeah, the therapist, like, looking at me, she's like, are you okay?

And when she asked this, I just broke into tears, and she

obviously knew what was going on.

Um, I kind of did have my first flashback and so she, uh, she said to me, you know,

let's go to your bed and we close the curtains inside and she said, so what,

I was like, well, have you seen outside?

And she's like, yeah.

And I was like, have you seen the car?

And she's like, yeah.

And so I was like, yeah, but what if our cars were there?

And I was like, yeah, ambulance, cousin.

I was in the ambulance when I got here.

You know, so it was really, I was like, I was back there and everything.

And I was thinking, I'm getting crazy.

Like, I'm just, I don't know what is happening to me.

I'm getting crazy.

And yeah, and stuff

posttraumatic stress.

know, she said to me almost like, I was so lucky, to be honest, like God sent me.

Those people in my way, really, for a reason, because she said to me, don't

worry, you know, that's kind of almost as if, as if they just kind of expected

that something like this would happen.

You know, so she said to me, don't worry, uh, you know, um, it was just really a

matter of the time, uh, you know, and, uh, you are, You know, this is just a

normal reaction, this is totally normal reaction, there's nothing wrong with you

and so, and I luckily I had a pastoral care in the hospital as well, very good

pastoral care as well, a priest who came and we talked, but really, you know,

me going through all this drama in my life, it felt like the accident was

like the cherry on the top, you know.

And it just like opened the Pandora box and suddenly everything just

started to fly around, you know, all the traumatic things I went

through just started to fly around.

And so I, as I like in Slovakia, I wanted to study journalism and I used to write

in Slovakia and so I haven't been doing so since I left country and I lived obviously

in Germany first and in England and so I didn't do any writing or anything,

haven't been doing anything like this.

Now, being there in a hospital, by yourself in lockdown, you know, with

a head like this, I was thinking, God, do you know what, I really

don't care, just give me paper and pen and I need to empty my head.

And that's what I did.

And that's why so much now writing and talking, speaking actually, and writing

about is so much about how writing can help us with the healing, because I

honestly think, you know, I'm so grateful that we have something like writing,

that we can empty our head on paper.

And so it is, I just wonder.

You know, not, not being able to have visitors, nothing, being there by

yourself, I was really grateful I could just take a pen and paper and empty my

head and really just, actually writing was therapy for me then, you see, yes.

And that's, and that's basically where your blog and like all the work you've

been doing since then started from.

I mean, it's amazing really, because I'm, I'm a massive like advocate for

like, writing as therapy as well.

Like I've done it with my own miscarriage journey and I highly recommend journaling

or blogging to anyone who's struggling with any area of emotional stress, life

changes, mental health issues, anything.

It's such a great therapeutic tool, isn't it?

It's something that anyone can do.

You don't have to Put your thoughts on the internet, you can just

put them in a journal, but like, it's such a great tool to use.

Yeah, I'm a big advocate for it too and I know it's been a massive benefit

for you and now you encourage other

And then,

it as well.

Yeah,

this happened to me, I mean, I was as well so great, as I said, so grateful

having all these people around me, um, because, yeah, having all this help

and so, because, you know, I was always thinking, seeing my mom and so, you

know, and it's probably as well because, of the culture, yeah, the culture

and mental health as well, you know.

My mum grew up in Slovakia, we used to be a communist country, and so it

was almost kind of, people, it was not okay almost, kind of like, stand up

out of the queue, kind of like, you know, you had to be like, all uniform

and everything kind of uniform, and so.

So I don't even know really, um, if my mum...

yeah,

Even if she would ask for help about, so, if, if the, like, what services would be

available or nothing like this, really.

I mean, even, even we know, like, Probably even 60 whatever years ago

was hard probably everywhere anyway to get anything like this, you know,

50 years and so, so, uh, yeah, uh, but I was actually really, yeah, really

grateful, um, that I had to help.

And then, yeah, I was two months after my accident and diagnosed with PTSD

because the, you know, flashbacks still persisted and everything really was there.

And I started to have anxiety because, you know, as much as I wanted to go

home from, um, from the hospital, I was as well, I felt so safe.

You know, being amongst these four walls and you know, there's nothing

is going to happen to your day.

You say you have a nurses, you have a doctor's day, you have everything.

And it's kinda like, for me it was like the, the system, you know,

it can just protect me really.

Like I don't want to go outside.

And so, yes.

Yeah, honestly, you know, like a cotton ball wrapped, really, you know, like,

I don't want to go out, you know, like, that's what, that's where I got hurt, and

that's where all this happened, you know.

Uh, but then I wanted to go home as well to my husband, obviously,

so I was like, no, I do want to.

And then, and then you go on some stage, you go like, you know, I don't want this

fear really to take control over my life, neither, like, yes, yeah, I know it was

there, and I know how hard it was to, you know, get over this, but I don't want to.

Anyway, trauma took so much away from my life, and I cannot allow it

to control everything in my life.

You know, so, I was just like, no, we can't, like, I cannot really do this.

So, I slowly had to go in.

Kind of back to, as well, first, first I got very kind of dependent on my husband,

because obviously it was lockdown as well and all this thing, and he was at home,

so he was working mostly from home, and he was there always to support me, and so,

and then I almost lost my independence, and so, yeah, I, I really got.

dependent on him.

And then I was like, and I actually would like to go by myself for a walk.

And so, but firstly, as well, don't trust yourself.

But then, you know, yeah, obviously you, you read the Bible, you read

everything and you notice, and you know, kind of give anxiety and all

on the But as well, having PTSD, it is not exactly So straight, because

having PTSD is actually a brain injury.

So if you think that your brain cannot really work in that way, you're probably

not going to think as you would otherwise.

Like, yes, yeah, of course I give my anxiety to God and all these things.

Or if you cannot really think so clearly, then it really, I think, first

you need as well, you need obviously God, but you need to heal as well.

And you need people around you and the support circle and everything.

So I, yeah, I was planted in the end.

I was just like, you know, God, I give you hand and slowly, like, let's just

step by step, you know, because as well, I think making a big step or so is

damaging as well, especially for people who go through anxiety and PTSD and

so it's just like, no, let's just lead me step by step, you know, baby steps.

No, I'll be fine.

Just hold your hand and I'll be fine.

And that's kind of how How is it, actually, until now, still, really?

yeah.

And so you've had, you've obviously been doing your writing, um, as an

ongoing project, and encouraging others to do it, and you've had

lots of counselling, and you know, you had professional mental health

support, and it's been a real journey.

It's been a real journey, but You know, obviously you're not still in

that place and you have really, you know, moved forwards and kind of

yes, because,

now and that's, that's incredible and, and, and to be recommended and, and

like, it definitely feels like, what I love about your story is the fact

that you're, you don't shy away from the fact that it's a process, that

healing isn't necessarily instant, but

yes,

you know, it takes time and like you say, baby steps, baby steps, baby steps,

you know, it is, it is a journey, but

I suffered, obviously, injury, physical and mental, and I'm still in recovery,

both, for both, really, I'm still in pain and so on, you know, I now got chronic

pain and so on, live with chronic pain is another thing, you know, um, so,

yes, yeah, it has been a journey and still is, and I always say healing is

a journey, you know, and healing is.

So many things for different people, you know, I brought an ebook, actually,

a Trauma Survivors Guide, and I say that, really, what is healing,

like, are we ever able to heal, not, yes, yeah, but what is healing?

Healing can be, healing is so subjective, it is really for different people,

something different, you know, some people just get out of bed and so,

it's just amazing stuff, for when some people, like, perhaps they

have less flashbacks or nightmares and so, and it's already, you know.

So, it's really about managing.

Our managing the symptoms, managing the things, and yeah, and it is really, uh,

you know, grief is a heal, is a journey, so is, uh, healing is a journey, and

it really is, and it's never really even, you know, just, just like this.

No, I had a setbacks on the way, you know, along the way, I had a setbacks,

and yeah, it is, but I mean, trust God, I, I do trust God, I always say

my faith, and I think my positivity, um, God made where I am now, and I

don't know what I would do otherwise.

And you know, my mom used to always say, actually, everything

happens for a reason, you know.

And at first, kind of, when she said it to me, and she was then

having a cancer, I first was like, no, mom, why do you say this?

Like, why would somebody who is ill and saying something like this?

Like, why?

You know, and now I can, I go like, You know, everything happens for a reason,

you know, if, like, there is a silver lining in everything, I think, you know,

and sometimes it is hard to find it, and, and it is okay, you know, it's as well for

me, like, we practice, for example, every night with my husband gratitude since by

accident we're doing this every night, and every night we're trying to find things

we're grateful for, but then I as well know today is not Always, like, it's not

something that has to be forced as well.

Sometimes you feel just like in this, like, God, it is hard, and it

is hard, you know, and I think, and I think God wants us to, you know,

as it says, come to me as you are.

So he doesn't want us to, like as my blog calls you a nail smiley as well,

and I'm like, all the smiley things, and I always kind of, my mom used to call

me smiley, and they even in hospital said to me smiley because I was always

smiley, and so you know, and I go like, but then my, my therapist actually

said to me, Katy is okay not to be.

Okay.

You know, and I, and I really had to learn this and, you know, I, I think

as well, service gratitude, like I find it very, really like helpful,

but as well, I know it is something which should not be really forced.

And so, I mean, like, everything takes time, you know?

And, and.

And it's better to give yourself time as well because like I said in hospital

when I opened this Pandora, yeah when this Pandora box opened because before I

was always just trying to okay something happened okay just let's put it here let's

just put it behind like you know well it is not really we do need to feel in order

to heal so you know just just be Yeah,

yeah, yeah, that's right.

And, and I guess if you, if you've grown up in a culture that, um, doesn't

really acknowledge mental health and doesn't really allow much space for

feelings, and Variational Feelings.

And it's like, you know, it's, it's quite a big lesson I guess that, isn't it?

And it's like, it's great to always be like, happy, but also that, that idea

that it's okay not to be okay sometimes.

It's actually a really big deal to learn that when you've

not grown up in a culture that

as well

that space.

uh, you know, uh, that actually, uh, yeah, there's like, like the Bible

says actually, uh, for power is made perfect in weakness, you know, so I

think it's not just about really, faith doesn't mean always should just really

be strong and so, you know, so, it's...

Yeah, it is just, come as you are, God says, so, yeah, and just let yourself

feeling those, feel those feelings and acknowledge your feelings and

so, because, as I say, if you want to heal, you need to feel, um, so it's,

yeah, yeah.

I love that because I was just going to finish by asking you what's kind of

one lesson that you've learnt through all of this and I suppose that you'd

probably say that's it, wouldn't you?

That it's okay to admit your weakness, your brokenness and, and

your, your need for God and that actually it's like when we're weak

mm.

God's strength is able to work through us.

So I guess, would you say that's the

would definitely

Big lesson

going through

been here for you through all of

well, I say, and you know, God doesn't really want you to put yourself always

last as well, I think that's another lesson I learned, like I said, yeah, all

those things, but as well, I was always thinking I have to put myself last, kind

of like, I have to serve God, I have to serve others, and then God wants me to

do this, and so, but You know, you cannot really pour from an empty cup, you know,

as they say, so you really do need to look after yourself, after all, your body

is your temple, is the temple, so you do need it as well, and God definitely

doesn't want you to put yourself last, and so, you know, and yeah, so I think

all those things are still learning.

Some of the same still, uh, and sometimes it takes a long

time, but yeah, I am delightful.

Yeah,

It was a lifelong lesson,

Learning all my life.

Yeah, I

Yeah, learning all my

think we're all learning this stuff.

yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think all these lessons are kind of lifelong for most of us

actually, but yeah, it's so true, it's so true that you can't give

out of what you don't have, do you?

So, you know, it's so important to look after you and your own mental health and

yeah, I think that ties up quite neatly.

Katy, it's, it's been so lovely to hear a bit about your story.

I'm so sorry that You know, you've been

But then I always say there's a silver lining somewhere, you know.

it's so inspiring.

Exactly.

And it's so inspiring to hear your journey and how you're not

defeated, but actually you're using, you know, your story for good.

You're sharing it with others.

And you know, I know there's so much more in your story that we probably

haven't got time to cover here and now, but if listeners are interested

in what you've been talking about around grief processing, around PTSD,

around mental health, I know it will resonate with some of our listeners.

And if people want to find you, find out more about your story

and about the resources you

Yeah, so you can

tell us, where can we find you?

Tell us all

yeah, and it's actually Journey of Smiley, so yeah, it's my journey, it's a journey

of hope and healing, uh, so yeah, you know, and as I say, always encourage, you

know, vulnerability and all these things, so really just, you know, acknowledge

your feelings and everything, and that's what I write about as well, and I, uh,

yeah, my email is smileyjourney@smiley.

com all day.

My website is journalsmiley and all my Instagram and all the social,

yeah, uh, things are journalsmiley.

So, yeah, Facebook and stuff.

But as well for, um, yeah, if, if anybody really, you know, if you want

to share your story and stuff, I'm always willing and I'm always grateful

to every trauma survivors, you know, for sharing their stories because I think

there is the message and they said, You know, you are not alone and so on.

We can as well tell the other people that they are not alone.

And so, yeah, as well said, I do lots of biojournaling and so, and

you'll find it on my website as well.

I got a journaling tips and prompts to download if anybody needs.

But as well, I go to, um, I just actually, I did, right, I

don't know if you can see it.

So, yeah, I did publish a guide.

It's the Seven Keys to Self Healing and Trauma Survivors Guide.

Uh, so what I actually do, right, what I learn is It's my experience, my

knowledge, but as well discussions with the, you know, with the therapists,

with the health professionals and so.

So yeah, I just hope it helps other people as well.

That sounds awesome.

What a great resource.

Well, loads of great resources there actually.

So find you in all the places at Journey of Smiley and journeyofsmiley.

com for the website.

I guess we have social handles there anyway.

And we've just to say to listeners, we will link to all of these links through

the show notes as well on our website.

Katy, thank you so much for giving up your time and

Thank you so much.

Thank you so

today.

It's been so great to hear it.

And I really hope that, you know, that it helps your listeners.

Yeah.

I hope everybody finds something for them in this.

I'm sure it will.

And if anybody wants to link with Katy, I know she'd be happy to link with

you one on one and chat some more.

So thank you so much, Katy, and thank you listeners for being here today too.

And just like that, we have reached the end of another fascinating conversation.

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