In this episode:
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Effortless Effort:
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Social Media @Bethhewitt80 @visualiseyou
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Music Credits: Laura Mitchell of LauraMitchellSings.com https://www.facebook.com/laura.mitchell.1232
Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to another episode of
Melissa Amos:soul inspired you. I am Melissa
Melissa Amos:and Beth. How are you today? I'm
Beth Hewitt:very good, thank you. It's a bit frosty here today. What's the weather like
Beth Hewitt:where you are? Is it. Have you got the winter? Minus one?
Beth Hewitt:Minus what? I don't know what the temperature is, but it feels chilly. I'm not
Beth Hewitt:going outside. It's one of those gorgeous days. Back in the day when
Melissa Amos:I was in the motor industry and I used to have these little
Melissa Amos:convertibles, I would always get the convertibles in the winter because I
Melissa Amos:would be the one with my sexy gloves on the roof
Melissa Amos:down and the heat is blasting on a day like today.
Beth Hewitt:You know, it's really funny, I was in the hairdressers yesterday and there was another
Beth Hewitt:customer in there talking about their. Their car that has this
Beth Hewitt:heated function so they can literally flip a switch on their
Beth Hewitt:mobile phone and it heats the car up. I was like,
Beth Hewitt:amazing. No more scrapey,
Beth Hewitt:Scrapey. Imagine that for a heated seat. Oh,
Beth Hewitt:yeah. I just. I'd want it to go to work for me. That's the only
Beth Hewitt:thing I'd want it to go do, like, a full day's work for me. They
Beth Hewitt:can be that fancy. They can. They can do the things on the to do
Beth Hewitt:list as well. Beth,
Melissa Amos:what soul inspired things have you been doing this week? Soul inspired
Beth Hewitt:things that I've been doing this week? I
Beth Hewitt:have. What have I been doing?
Beth Hewitt:That's a good question. It's blowing and
Melissa Amos:growing. Just flowing and growing. I've had, because I've just come out of
Beth Hewitt:a really busy November, I do 30
Beth Hewitt:day long gratitude journey. So that came to an end and I've been onboarding my
Beth Hewitt:new members and I suppose the soul inspired things I've been doing. Now,
Beth Hewitt:my plan was always to have a December. That was that
Beth Hewitt:I'd have more time to do all of the things that I want to do
Beth Hewitt:outside of business and get ready for Christmas and things like that. So the
Beth Hewitt:soul inspired things I've been doing really have been listening to my body more
Beth Hewitt:around when I want to do something or when I don't want to do something
Beth Hewitt:and when I want to go, like, knock on my mum's door or when I
Beth Hewitt:just want to. Just literally just going with the flow. So that's
Beth Hewitt:what I've been really working on in the past week, is just getting
Beth Hewitt:myself into a nice space where
Beth Hewitt:I've got my boundaries in place, where my cup's been filled up and building back
Beth Hewitt:up my energy after a busy hectic November. And it's really nice
Beth Hewitt:to be able to have the reins, to be able to do that and actually
Beth Hewitt:be intentional and plan. Having said that, things
Beth Hewitt:always come a bit left field. We're currently decorating and I
Beth Hewitt:don't think the sofa is going to be here before Christmas.
Beth Hewitt:So there's all these kind of curveballs, but it's just nice to be able to
Beth Hewitt:just go with the flow little bit more. So that's what
Beth Hewitt:happened really this week, just chilling out a bit more. I think it's such
Melissa Amos:an important part of life and
Melissa Amos:it's for business owners. We can really
Melissa Amos:get caught in this trap of it has to be go
Melissa Amos:and that we have to be our best all of the time and that we
Melissa Amos:have to be out there and we have to be always planning the next thing.
Melissa Amos:And if we're not planning it, we're implementing it. And if we're not implementing it,
Melissa Amos:then we're actually actioning it. And if we're not actioning it,
Melissa Amos:there's always something. And this is the world that we've
Melissa Amos:been brought up in. And you think about
Melissa Amos:regular working life and you get your 21
Melissa Amos:days holiday, whatever we get a year and it has to
Melissa Amos:be going, you have to come in and even if you're feeling sick, you've got
Melissa Amos:to go in anyway. And I think that it
Melissa Amos:can be really damaging, can't it, that we then grow
Melissa Amos:up thinking that that's what it should be. And
Melissa Amos:if we're not, then we're broken. Because when do, apart from when we go on
Melissa Amos:vacation, when do we get time off? When we're sick? When
Melissa Amos:we're broke, right? And then, and that's what we think, we're broken.
Melissa Amos:And actually, the truth is, just like nature,
Melissa Amos:just like the weather, just like everything, that there
Melissa Amos:are these waves and there are these cycles. And we wouldn't
Melissa Amos:judge a flower because it didn't decide
Melissa Amos:to bloom in December when it's a sunny flower. Yeah.
Melissa Amos:And for me, and I think for a lot of business
Melissa Amos:owners, maybe we come into this journey thinking
Melissa Amos:that I'm going to have the freedom. And for me, I think I shared with
Melissa Amos:you one of my things was, well, I want to work when I want, with
Melissa Amos:who I want and how I want. And the answer I got back was, that's
Melissa Amos:impossible. And that's the
Melissa Amos:paradigm. That's the old paradigm, I think, that we were living in. You made just
Melissa Amos:such a good point. I've done this. And you were on the
Melissa Amos:external, you were holding this space, you were doing all this stuff, and you've got
Melissa Amos:everything there. And now it is that natural
Melissa Amos:downturn of the quest. And I think more of
Melissa Amos:us really need to talk about that and share
Melissa Amos:about that. And people always say to me all the
Melissa Amos:time, they're like, oh, Melissa, don't know how you do it. You're so busy. And
Melissa Amos:I'm like, I'm not really. It comes, I don't know, like, I
Melissa Amos:don't think, oh, I want everyone to think I'm really busy. Like, I just share
Melissa Amos:what's going on. And I saw an old friend yesterday and he was
Melissa Amos:like, oh, you're always on there. And I'm like, is that just an illusion?
Melissa Amos:Because I'm going with this flow and there's this, these peaks and
Melissa Amos:troughs. So, yeah, being able
Melissa Amos:to knock on your mum's door when you want to and rest and just
Melissa Amos:sit and watch a, a warm Christmas film every now and then
Melissa Amos:is part of life, I think. Yeah, I think there's like,
Beth Hewitt:there's a guilt, isn't that some people carry, I know that. I've certainly carried that.
Beth Hewitt:If you're not doing the thing, if you're not turning up for work or you're
Beth Hewitt:not answering the emails right away, then there's this level of
Beth Hewitt:guilt that comes. Having said that, I knocked on my mum's door and she was
Beth Hewitt:going out, so it was literally not planned. I got there, knocked on the door
Beth Hewitt:and she said, oh, we're just going out, Beth. I'm like, I'm really sorry. I'll
Beth Hewitt:be around tomorrow. Okay, well, I might actually be working tomorrow.
Beth Hewitt:It didn't go quite to plan, but it was just nice to actually have the
Beth Hewitt:ability to go out of the way, knock on my mum's door and then drive
Beth Hewitt:home and go, do you know what? Okay, I'm not on my mum's this afternoon,
Beth Hewitt:but I'm just going to put Netflix on. I'm just going to finish a series
Beth Hewitt:that I've not watched and just do that kind of thing instead. Have
Melissa Amos:you ever had that thing like where you're just sitting
Melissa Amos:there scrolling on your phone or doing nothing or whatever the
Melissa Amos:tv's on, or you just lie? I just like to sit there and stare into
Melissa Amos:space. That's one of my things. And when somebody walks
Melissa Amos:in or you see somebody's about to come in or
Melissa Amos:whatever, and then suddenly you're like, oh, no, pretend I'm doing something. Pretend
Melissa Amos:I'm busy. And it's this form of hyper vigilance, isn't
Melissa Amos:it? I better be busy. Because somebody's watching me. Because at school, if
Melissa Amos:you were daydreaming, you know, smack your hand. They don't do that anymore, do
Melissa Amos:they? But click your fingers and turn around and pay attention.
Melissa Amos:And for me, when I was at uni, and there was
Melissa Amos:all, you need to be doing work. If you're not at school, then you need
Melissa Amos:to be doing your coursework. And there's always something that needs to be done.
Melissa Amos:And if you're not doing your coursework, then you've got your house,
Melissa Amos:your room to keep and all of this stuff, and, like, where's
Melissa Amos:the space? And I just think it's. It's one of these.
Melissa Amos:I don't know what to call it, but it's. All of these things are taking
Melissa Amos:ourselves away from who we truly are. Yeah.
Melissa Amos:And I just hope that the listeners can really understand
Melissa Amos:that it's okay to just. It's okay to stop and take a
Beth Hewitt:break. And actually, you know, it's. Even though we're stopping and we're maybe moving away
Beth Hewitt:from the day to day, things are still
Beth Hewitt:happening. We're still processing our thoughts. We're actually giving
Beth Hewitt:ourselves space and time for those thoughts to
Beth Hewitt:percolate. Percolate and give us ideas and
Beth Hewitt:inspiration. So it's not that we're not actually doing anything. It's actually we're just giving
Beth Hewitt:ourselves that space to renew our energy, but also allow
Beth Hewitt:things to just settle down inside those brain cells and start
Beth Hewitt:to create new and amazing things that we can maybe do,
Beth Hewitt:take action on in the future. But, yeah, we have to find that
Beth Hewitt:balance where we can. And it's not easy not feeling guilty,
Beth Hewitt:because I've always been a do it. I've always been incredibly busy. Like you say
Beth Hewitt:when you're at school, it's that teacher comes into the class, it stand up, sit
Beth Hewitt:up straight kind of mentality, we're ready for learning, let's
Beth Hewitt:go kind of thing. But it doesn't have to. It doesn't have to always
Beth Hewitt:be that way. And it's a shame that no one teaches that when we're younger,
Beth Hewitt:that playtime is
Beth Hewitt:important time as well. Break time should be
Melissa Amos:break time should be break time. Sometimes one of my
Melissa Amos:kids will say that, oh, they took ten minutes of our
Melissa Amos:break time because we were talking. And I'm like, oh, my goodness me. I'm like,
Melissa Amos:just tell your teacher that break time is the most important part, is when they're
Melissa Amos:socializing and when their imagination's running free and when they can,
Melissa Amos:like, all the good behavior that they have to exhibit in class,
Melissa Amos:this. Don't talk, don't fidget, sit still.
Melissa Amos:Do listen to what I'm saying to you, even if you don't find it
Melissa Amos:interesting. Listen to how I'm teaching you, even if this isn't
Melissa Amos:the way that you learn. Listen, you need that
Melissa Amos:break. And what's minor, a little two or
Melissa Amos:minor a little still in primary school. And what do they get? Two
Melissa Amos:or three breaks a day. And in 6 hours I think about how
Melissa Amos:I work and there's, there is that kind of up and down time.
Melissa Amos:And this is a really lovely school that really honors
Melissa Amos:the children and all of this, but that is just the schooling
Melissa Amos:system. And then we grow up
Melissa Amos:and there's no point. There's no point in our lives that we go,
Melissa Amos:Beth, you're an adult now. You're an adult now,
Melissa Amos:Beth. Now it's your responsibility to choose when
Melissa Amos:you want to get up and when you want to go to sleep and what
Melissa Amos:you want to listen to and what you want to choose and how you want
Melissa Amos:to show up. Because that is
Melissa Amos:life, isn't it? But that's not
Melissa Amos:actually. That's the road less traveled. Yeah. If you
Beth Hewitt:go into employment, then you don't actually have that.
Beth Hewitt:It shouldn't be a luxury, but you don't have that because it's so structured and
Beth Hewitt:there's deadlines and everything else. And then when you move
Beth Hewitt:into. If you move into self employment, then
Beth Hewitt:you carry that not only from employed work, but you're also
Beth Hewitt:carrying it from your childhood as well. Of having that structured, that the teachers can
Beth Hewitt:fit the curriculum in, is that the day is structured in a certain way.
Beth Hewitt:So unless you stop
Beth Hewitt:and think about that ability to structure your time in
Beth Hewitt:a different way and unlearn and unpick some of that, and
Beth Hewitt:it feels super unnatural
Beth Hewitt:to. To stop and just listen to your body, to go to
Beth Hewitt:bed on a Tuesday night thinking, I've got 10
Beth Hewitt:million things on my to do list tomorrow, and then waking up on Wednesday and
Beth Hewitt:really listening to your body and going, do you know what I think actually, if
Beth Hewitt:I push too hard on my to do list today, that's going to be more
Beth Hewitt:damaging than just actually doing nothing today, because then I can be
Beth Hewitt:more productive on Thursday. That's a
Beth Hewitt:difficult shift to me, conditioned
Beth Hewitt:for so long to do it in such a different way. But
Beth Hewitt:I personally find that if even when I've got. There's always things on the to
Beth Hewitt:do list, right, the to do list never really ends. And I could have
Beth Hewitt:done a multitude of things yesterday and I did literally
Beth Hewitt:none of them, apart from maybe answer a couple of emails on my phone.
Melissa Amos:Yeah. Now I just approach life as
Beth Hewitt:it's a continuum and that what doesn't get done yesterday will
Beth Hewitt:get done at exactly the right time. If everything unfolds and
Beth Hewitt:happens at exactly the right time, if everything's going to unfold exactly when it's supposed
Beth Hewitt:to unfold, then it will happen.
Beth Hewitt:Sometimes you can be worried about, oh, I literally haven't got time to do something.
Beth Hewitt:And then that thing gets taken off your to do list because somebody sends an
Beth Hewitt:email and goes, oh, do you know what? That's not a requirement anymore. So I
Beth Hewitt:think if we trust our
Beth Hewitt:own intuition around
Beth Hewitt:what is happening, can I pause? Can I reflect? Can I stop?
Melissa Amos:Yes. I would say in most instances, you absolutely
Beth Hewitt:can't, unless the house is literally burning down and something needs to be done.
Beth Hewitt:But I think, yeah, just giving yourself that time and
Beth Hewitt:space to stop and reflect and
Beth Hewitt:think, is this something that can wait until tomorrow?
Beth Hewitt:And then I always find that I'm super productive. I know today I'm
Beth Hewitt:going to have a super productive day because yesterday I was
Beth Hewitt:resting and percolating and stopping. It's
Melissa Amos:changing that perspective, I think, on now because that
Melissa Amos:comes up again. Yesterday I had a day off, so now I have to. But
Melissa Amos:I've noticed something, and this conversation is something that's really
Melissa Amos:important to me. And I realized, looking back in my
Melissa Amos:life, that this is what my soul or my energy, or
Melissa Amos:maybe even, you know, my human, which I always put
Melissa Amos:down, or it was labeled as laziness and
Melissa Amos:worst thing, somebody could call me, I realized that
Melissa Amos:this flow thing was what I was always actually being pushed to
Melissa Amos:do. And for me,
Melissa Amos:it's. The more we understand that,
Melissa Amos:well, we don't have to say yes to everything. There are only
Melissa Amos:so many hours. Relaxing time or moving your
Melissa Amos:body time or reading your book time or chatting to your friend
Melissa Amos:time is just as important as
Melissa Amos:the other times that actually things just
Melissa Amos:tend to flow. Yeah. And then
Melissa Amos:I think, actually, we started this conversation and people
Melissa Amos:always say to me, how do you do so much? And my reality
Melissa Amos:is I don't feel like I'm always doing,
Melissa Amos:because then the moments that you are actually in the
Melissa Amos:doing, you're doing them with the whole of you, not with
Melissa Amos:25% of you, because 75% of you doing in
Melissa Amos:your head all of the other things. Something happens
Melissa Amos:when you allow these peaks and troughs. I don't know. I
Melissa Amos:think it becomes that. Your word becomes your word, and that
Melissa Amos:is what you're deciding. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do
Melissa Amos:this because I said I'm going to do this. But if I can't, and I
Melissa Amos:can't be there at 100%,
Melissa Amos:actually what normally happens is the other person's, oh, thank God you
Melissa Amos:cancelled, right? Something, oh,
Melissa Amos:we don't need that. Like you said, we don't need that anymore. That's not a
Melissa Amos:requirement. The more present we can be,
Melissa Amos:the irony, the oxymoron is
Melissa Amos:more gets done, and it gets done well, and it gets done in the
Melissa Amos:right way, like all of this cycle.
Beth Hewitt:Yeah. And when you said about when people called you
Beth Hewitt:lazy, that's like the worst thing that I felt. Exactly. If somebody says to
Beth Hewitt:me, not, you're not pulling your weight or you're being lazy, whatever, that's.
Beth Hewitt:That would have been at one time the trigger for me to go, okay, you
Beth Hewitt:think I'm lazy, and then just like going 100%
Beth Hewitt:and doing a crazy amount of things, and now what I'm doing is always
Beth Hewitt:enough. And if you've always been the person that
Beth Hewitt:has cut your grass, or you've tidied your garden, or
Beth Hewitt:you've always put your bins out, you'll always be that person. You're not gonna. Just
Beth Hewitt:because you're having a down day doesn't mean that all of the morals
Beth Hewitt:and all of your values suddenly disappear. Someone said that to me
Beth Hewitt:when I was thinking about quitting my job and not
Beth Hewitt:having enough money coming in, or the same amount of money as I
Beth Hewitt:did previously. And they said, but if you've always paid your bills, you'll
Beth Hewitt:always find a way to pay your bills. You don't all of a sudden
Beth Hewitt:lose that ability just because circumstances have
Beth Hewitt:changed. That's who you are. And it's the same with time. Just because we
Beth Hewitt:stop doesn't mean that we're not going to get all of those things done that
Beth Hewitt:we really want to get done. I wonder if all of
Melissa Amos:this doing time, it's
Melissa Amos:distraction, isn't it? It's a distraction away from who you truly
Melissa Amos:are and who your soul is. I suppose
Melissa Amos:for you, and I'm sure many of the listeners
Melissa Amos:here, we realize actually how important
Melissa Amos:our soul is and how important this inner world is and
Melissa Amos:how important we are. And we will never discover
Melissa Amos:ourselves, not our true selves, if we never stop.
Beth Hewitt:That's true. I think it's also really important
Beth Hewitt:that the things that we're doing when we're doing them
Beth Hewitt:are the things that are aligned to our souls. So if we
Beth Hewitt:don't give ourselves that time and space to stop. We can't figure out, we
Beth Hewitt:can't get that clarity and intention around what it is really super
Beth Hewitt:passionate about doing. And then we can plan and
Beth Hewitt:create action aligned with those things
Beth Hewitt:and instead we just, we
Beth Hewitt:could question, if we haven't done that work, what am I actually
Beth Hewitt:doing when I'm doing? What am I actually ticking off? Are
Beth Hewitt:these things actually aligned with the higher thing that I want to be doing or
Beth Hewitt:am I just doing. Because that's what I've always been taught to
Beth Hewitt:do, right? It's like we're on autopilot and then we
Melissa Amos:stop and then all that, suddenly we stop and then the, like,
Melissa Amos:barrage of emotions and thoughts and, oh,
Melissa Amos:could have, should have, could haves. And all of this stuff starts to come out.
Melissa Amos:If anyone's just starting their meditation journey and they're
Melissa Amos:like, I'm going to sit and I'm going to feel peace for two minutes. I'm
Melissa Amos:going to feel peace for two minutes. And you sit there and then everything
Melissa Amos:just comes up. It's almost like there's a part of you that goes,
Melissa Amos:oh, she's quiet. This is our chance to tell her everything.
Melissa Amos:And you're just like.
Melissa Amos:And. But there is a point, I don't think, that
Melissa Amos:stops. I've been doing this work for many
Melissa Amos:years and it's not stopped, but it
Melissa Amos:lessens. And. Or I don't know, maybe it's that when
Melissa Amos:it does come, there's not an attachment to this. It's, oh, okay,
Melissa Amos:I'm going to give you this part of me a little time to
Melissa Amos:vent because bit, I'm not giving you time all day, all
Melissa Amos:week, all month. And
Melissa Amos:then it settles down and then you start to hear the voice
Melissa Amos:underneath it or that feeling underneath it,
Melissa Amos:which then gives you that aligned
Melissa Amos:action to take. And when you take aligned
Melissa Amos:action, it's like it is fueled by something
Melissa Amos:so different. Yes, I have to. Or
Melissa Amos:just because that's what we do, it becomes
Melissa Amos:bigger and bigger. It's like it's
Beth Hewitt:fueling itself. I think if we go back
Beth Hewitt:to the, one of the first episodes when you were talking about when you sat
Beth Hewitt:down and wrote the book and it just came out of you and it was
Beth Hewitt:just flowing ease, it's that kind of energy
Beth Hewitt:that's behind that when we're in that space.
Melissa Amos:Yeah. Effortless effort. It's
Melissa Amos:not that we don't do, and I can understand it can come across that
Melissa Amos:way. You still do. You still got to do. But the doing
Melissa Amos:is, it's just different. It's, yes, I'm
Melissa Amos:alive. I'm alive and look what I get to
Melissa Amos:do. Rather than, oh, I'm alive and look. What I've got to
Beth Hewitt:do. Yeah, it's a good space to be in,
Beth Hewitt:but to get there, we have to stop. Yeah, we have to
Melissa Amos:stop. And it's available to everyone. It's not just available to special people.
Melissa Amos:Everyone's a special people. You just got to learn who your kind of special
Melissa Amos:is. And it starts with stopping and then just
Melissa Amos:reevaluating. And this time of year is a great
Melissa Amos:time to do that, to be like, okay,
Melissa Amos:this is where I am, is this what I want? What do
Beth Hewitt:I wear? Do I want to be over the. Next twelve months
Melissa Amos:and then not feel like you just got to rush ahead and do it.
Beth Hewitt:And take our time? That's a whole other conversation, isn't it?
Beth Hewitt:It is. I love how you said start and you need to start
Beth Hewitt:and stop. And then I got the image of
Beth Hewitt:harking back to the beginning of the episode with the car with the
Beth Hewitt:convertibles and everything come full circle.
Melissa Amos:Love that. Our self heating,
Melissa Amos:self working, self driving car. Well, that's what
Beth Hewitt:it is, isn't it? It's like a self heating
Beth Hewitt:in the sense of it's that comfortable space
Beth Hewitt:cocoon. And then if it's self driving, it's
Beth Hewitt:not that push energy, it's that energy of flow that's taking us to
Beth Hewitt:our destination. And then we just get to decide
Beth Hewitt:what that looks like, what model it is and what color it is and
Beth Hewitt:how fast or slow the drive is. And what
Melissa Amos:lanes we take and whether we go the fast road or the slow road
Melissa Amos:and what then does need to happen. It really is a
Melissa Amos:beautiful push pull
Melissa Amos:thing. I'm nodding my head. It's like a kind of
Melissa Amos:metronome, you know, there's this rhythm you can find.
Melissa Amos:And I suppose if there's one thing that I'd love
Melissa Amos:for any distance to take away from this is even if you're
Melissa Amos:listening to this and quite likely looking at
Melissa Amos:statistics, you're listening to this while you're in the car or while you're doing
Melissa Amos:your chores or while you're whatever, walking.
Melissa Amos:What if you just stopped and just allowed yourself, no matter who's around, put your
Melissa Amos:headphones on and just go, I'm just sitting and I'm just listening. If not
Melissa Amos:to us, to something else, or just to some nice
Melissa Amos:relaxing music or whatever, and then maybe you
Melissa Amos:still feel like you're doing something.
Melissa Amos:It's like I started doing this brain entrainment with binaural
Melissa Amos:beats and there's a regime
Melissa Amos:with it. Three a day. And so when that second
Melissa Amos:one, the first ones in the morning, last one's at night. But that second one,
Melissa Amos:I'm like, I'm going to go and do my meditation.
Melissa Amos:Yeah. And it's okay because I've got my headphones on. It's like, all right,
Melissa Amos:mommy's busy and I'm just loving life. Sitting,
Melissa Amos:listening to weird and wonderful
Melissa Amos:music and sounds. And then I come back and then I'm like.
Melissa Amos:And it's like having a brain massage. I feel all refreshed.
Beth Hewitt:I have loved the conversation today. Me
Melissa Amos:too. It feels like the right place to stop.
Beth Hewitt:So we can recharge and do
Beth Hewitt:fold onto the driver. Now we can
Melissa Amos:recharge our car. Yeah. Plug it in. Yeah. I
Melissa Amos:love the car, I think. Yeah, it's got legs,
Beth Hewitt:but it's got wheels. Keep on rolling.
Beth Hewitt:And who we put in the car with us, who we take on our
Beth Hewitt:journeys with us. That'S a whole
Melissa Amos:other conversation and that will be for next
Melissa Amos:time. So we hope that you have enjoyed soul inspired
Melissa Amos:you and we will see you again on the next riveting
Melissa Amos:episode. See you soon.