This podcast episode delves into the cinematic missteps of "Jupiter Ascending," a film that exemplifies the phenomenon of unintended humor despite its earnest intentions. We assert that the film, laden with ambitious concepts and a star-studded cast, ultimately succumbs to a plethora of narrative and casting misjudgments that render it both perplexing and unintentionally amusing. The discussion navigates the film's failings, particularly its convoluted plot and the peculiar performances that result in moments of levity rather than the intended gravitas. We analyze how the Wachowskis' world-building prowess is overshadowed by awkward character portrayals, particularly Channing Tatum's role, which fails to resonate with audiences. Through a thorough examination of these elements, we engage in a reflective discourse on the film's potential and the myriad ways it could have been executed more effectively.
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It's, you know, a calculation that uses gravity and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker A:I'm like, you don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker B:Like, boots go up.
Speaker A:Yeah, that make.
Speaker A:That makes no sense.
Speaker A:Like, just say, I don't know how the they work, but they, you know, they keep float on them.
Speaker A:I can run on air.
Speaker A:Like, it's just.
Speaker A:It's so stupid.
Speaker A:Welcome to the what's Everybody Podcast, where we fashion ourselves of cinematic judging.
Speaker A:Jerry, My name is J.J. crowder.
Speaker A:I'm here with my co host, Alec Burgess.
Speaker B:Let's get it.
Speaker A:We appreciate you tuning in.
Speaker A:Go and hit that follow subscribe like bell notification buttons.
Speaker A:Hit them all.
Speaker A:Help you keep up with all the episodes we put out, as well as helps grow the podcast, which we appreciate.
Speaker A:You can also help grow the podcast by telling a friend, family member, in this case, royal alien, human, or you don't tell a half wolf, whatever.
Speaker A:That shit's weird.
Speaker A:But anyway, yeah, so we're.
Speaker A:We're in week three of movies that are funny, though they were not intended to be funny.
Speaker A:And we're.
Speaker A:We're in the meat of this right here.
Speaker A:So we are doing Jupiter Ascending this week.
Speaker A: ,: Speaker A:It was written and directed by the Wachowski sisters, Lena and Lily now, and it stars Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Raid, Maine, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton, Christina Cole, Nicholas Newman, and Maria Doyle Kennedy.
Speaker A:It's about a genetically engineered soldier who informs a young woman her extraordinary destiny.
Speaker A:God, that's the laziest freaking synopsis we've had.
Speaker B:That is up there.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's bad.
Speaker B:So, jj, this was your pick?
Speaker A:This is my pick.
Speaker B:I am dying to know why.
Speaker B:Because I have a guess at how you came to this pic.
Speaker A:Dude.
Speaker A:Okay, so listen, when.
Speaker A:As soon as I saw this topic pop, I was like, this was the number one.
Speaker A:So both of the movies, this week's and next week's were the.
Speaker A:Like, they were the first things that popped into my head and I had to pull out of my ass.
Speaker A:The third one, I don't even remember what I put on the list for the third, because these two, I was like, these are gonna be it.
Speaker A:And this one, like, I remember because we've.
Speaker A:We've done the Matrix.
Speaker A:We've done the most recent Matrix, which is bad.
Speaker A:But we, like.
Speaker A:So we've talked about these things before, and the Matrix is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Speaker A:And I think the Wachowskis are geniuses at, like, world building and to A certain degree.
Speaker A:Normally it's story building and writing and you know, so when it was being announced that they had this whole new world that they were creating in this new, I was like, let's go.
Speaker A:And it had me lacunis in it.
Speaker A:I could do without Channing Tatum.
Speaker A:That's just me, Sean Bean, freaking Eddie Redmay.
Speaker A:I mean, this cast is stacked as.
Speaker A:And so I'm seeing all this and I'm like, the visuals are going to be amazing.
Speaker A:The story's going to be cool.
Speaker A:And then I went and saw it and I was like, the, like, it's so bad.
Speaker A:And it's supposed to be like serious and like intense and dramatic and it's just not.
Speaker A:Like every time Channing Tatum comes on the screen, I laugh my ass off.
Speaker A:He looks like such a goober with his weird ass, dyed beard and hair and the fangs that are a different color than the rest of his teeth and his ears.
Speaker A:I'm like, what is happening right now?
Speaker A:And then Sean Bean, who's just in there to be in there, like, there's no point in his character, like, oh.
Speaker B:But even if you like took Channing Tatum and made him more Sean Bean, it would be really good.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Or at least a lot better.
Speaker B:And it's the fact that they share the screen together all the time, but it's night and day and yeah.
Speaker B:Polar opposites on what they're doing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And if you just had Channing Tatum act like Sean Bean or even the reverse put Sean Bean acting as champions.
Speaker A:God.
Speaker B:And kind of keep likes together.
Speaker B:Because I mean, you know, you talked about the Wachowskis did the Matrix.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And you know who, you know, the people are who are outside the Matrix?
Speaker B:They all look the same.
Speaker B:Black trench coat, black glasses.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:They, they fit a bill.
Speaker B:They look the same, they act the same.
Speaker B:They have this kind of like minded thing here is.
Speaker B:It's all, it's all over the place.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:I like, I can't take any of it seriously.
Speaker A:Like I want to because visually this movie is stunning.
Speaker B:Amazing.
Speaker A:Except for the weird boots.
Speaker A:Like that part looks a little goofy most of the time.
Speaker A:They're cool.
Speaker A:But speaking of funny.
Speaker A:Not supposed to be funny.
Speaker A:Like the explanation that he gives for the boot cracks me up every time.
Speaker A:It's, you know, a calculation that uses gravity and blah, blah.
Speaker A:I'm like, you don't know what the.
Speaker A:You're talking about.
Speaker B:Boots go up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:That makes, that makes no sense.
Speaker A:Like just say, I don't know how the they work.
Speaker A:But they, you know, they keep explode on them.
Speaker A:I can run on air.
Speaker A:Like, it's just.
Speaker A:It's so stupid.
Speaker A:And then all the different.
Speaker A:Like, Like, I would be okay.
Speaker A:I think more too, because the other thing that makes me laugh is every time a new character is introduced, it's a new animal, human hybrid.
Speaker A:And I'm like, okay, I get the lizards, dragons, whatever you want to call them.
Speaker A:That shit's dope.
Speaker A:Those are cool.
Speaker A:They're terrifying.
Speaker A:Even though most of them turn out to be worthless fighters.
Speaker A:But it's cool.
Speaker A:I even like the idea of the wolf hybrid, right?
Speaker A:If he just didn't look so goddamn goofy.
Speaker A:Like, if they could just let Channing Tatum be Channing Tatum.
Speaker A:Let him be bald, let him have a shaved head.
Speaker A:Don't dye his goddamn facial hair.
Speaker A:This weird ass.
Speaker A:Not natural color to try to make it look like a wolf color.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, make it looking.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's just weird.
Speaker A:And they picked the wrong color wolf.
Speaker A:Like, it.
Speaker A:The w. It looks like they're trying to match the coloration of like a Mexican wolf, which they're gorgeous animals.
Speaker A:But it doesn't look right on a human.
Speaker A:Like, it just doesn't.
Speaker A:Like, if you had gone like, full gray and black, like, that would have been cooler.
Speaker A:I'd have been, okay.
Speaker A:Dye his beard black.
Speaker A:Let his hair have some wafts of gray and silver or something.
Speaker A:Make him a gray wolf.
Speaker A:Like, that would have been much better, right?
Speaker A:You have all sorts of color options at that point.
Speaker A:Anyway, I was just like, what the.
Speaker A:Because he just looks goofy.
Speaker A:And then you have, oh, I can't remember her name, but I love her name even though I can't remember it.
Speaker A:But, like, the little.
Speaker A:She's like a little mouse, I think, with, like, the piercings and the big ears.
Speaker A:The one that's, like, captured.
Speaker A:Anyway, it's just like every time I see one outside of the dragons, I'm like, oh, God, this is goofy.
Speaker A:It just looks wrong.
Speaker A:And the one guy's a rat.
Speaker A:And I'm just like, why?
Speaker A:Like, what's the point?
Speaker A:Like, at least if you're gonna do it.
Speaker A:The wolves, I understand the dragon thing.
Speaker A:Lizards, things I understand because they're.
Speaker A:They have their place and kind of what they're designed for, but we don't get to see.
Speaker A:I mean, we kind of do the rat because he's like this sniveling little spy weasel dude.
Speaker A:But, like, why is she a mouse?
Speaker A:Or why is she.
Speaker A:Whatever it is, because, like, it needs to make sense.
Speaker A:You can't Just do it to do it.
Speaker A:And I think a lot of things, they were like, well, this would be interesting, but I need to know why.
Speaker A:At least I do.
Speaker A:And that's a me thing.
Speaker A:But every time I see one, I just start laughing and I just can't.
Speaker A:It's goofy.
Speaker B:Well, I feel like you, you can fix that with literally one line of dialogue.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker B:Or one mention of the fact that all these different kind of hybrids that you have is just based on characteristics.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker B:So I mean, give that 12 line explanation of, you know, the.
Speaker B:Maybe they don't even have a category sorting thing.
Speaker B:It's just that when you're born in this kind of universe or in this alien esque type thing, like based on your characteristics that you come out.
Speaker B:You're a mouse, you're a rat, you're a wolf, you're a dragon, you're a killer whale, whoever you may be.
Speaker A:Yeah, I mean anything.
Speaker B:Yeah, you can fit it in with just one little explanation of dialogue to alleviate all this.
Speaker B:Because the, the problem that I have with this movie is the potential that is there.
Speaker A:And no huge world, massive potential.
Speaker B:And it is, you know, over in what, two hours, 15 minutes, where it's just, you're left wanting.
Speaker B:Not even more, but just wanting to understand where you're at.
Speaker B:Whereas if you compare it to the Matrix, which is hard to do because it's like lightning in a bottle, but it's, it's like you get the world piece by piece.
Speaker B:And this is almost.
Speaker B:They started at the end and you know, just, it just, there's, there's too much to try and fit into a movie and because it, you know, I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing it didn't do too hot the box office.
Speaker B:You're not gonna get any more, which is unfortunate because there's still a lot that you could do and you know, give these storytelling things, but you're just, it started too big and now I don't get to know any more about the Abraxas or whatever clan going out and devouring worlds.
Speaker B:Yeah, like that's a cool concept.
Speaker B:I love the idea behind this movie.
Speaker B:I love the story and it's just, it's just completely unrealized for forever.
Speaker B:And you know, I, I, because I'll go back and I've watched this, you know, a handful of times and it's just every single time I'm left, think, look at the beard.
Speaker B:And it's, it's kind of a sad thing because it's it's, it's background noise a hundred percent.
Speaker B:And it's just a few moments where I kind of look over and I giggle about this or that because, you know, it's, it's a, it's one of those like really unfulfilling movies because I get a glimpse of what could have been and I don't get it.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's.
Speaker A:It is really frustrating.
Speaker A:And you make a good point.
Speaker A:One that I didn't think about, like from the perspective of how they did the Matrix.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And I think the more I was sitting there thinking about it while you were talking is they did too much too fast.
Speaker A:To your point.
Speaker A:Like, I don't need to meet all three of Braxis siblings.
Speaker B:Like just one.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:In fact, like, I don't think we should have left Earth until the very end of this movie.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:And I can tell you right now, the other part that makes me laugh in the worst possible way is the whole like DMV government bounced around that they're trying to get her like, rights or whatever.
Speaker A:Like take that away and streamline it.
Speaker A:Like, make it so this guy, like somebody comes down and instead of it being Channing Tatum's character that comes down and like saves her from the weird ass alien, invisible whatever, trying to kill her.
Speaker A:Like, have it be like somebody comes down and this lawyer guy comes in and like gives her her birthright, right?
Speaker A:Gets through that process of the birthright and then they try to kill her and then he comes in and saves her and we spend the whole time on Earth of her learning why am I being hunted?
Speaker A:And you know, and then we get Sean being in it and they don't.
Speaker A:And then at the very end we go up and you meet one of the siblings, whether it's the douchebag that tries to marry her or the sister that seemed to me had a ton of potential to be an interesting first sibling because she was the least.
Speaker A:She seemed like she just wanted to.
Speaker A:She's like, I got what I got.
Speaker A:I don't give a.
Speaker A:You know, you having your birthright means dick all to me.
Speaker A:I just want my mom back.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So it's like.
Speaker A:And I thought that idea was cool on top of the fact that I think it's dope ass that these guys can like implant themselves, their DNA sequence somewhere to be reborn.
Speaker A:And then all of a sudden get all.
Speaker A:And then they're just kind of a different person.
Speaker A:Like that idea, you know, almost like reincarnation, forced reincarnation versus like the Hindu version, right?
Speaker A:Like it's it's intriguing to say, well, I'm gonna start over.
Speaker A:It'll still be me.
Speaker A:And I'll have all the genetic code so I can get all my.
Speaker A:But maybe I choose to do something completely different with my wealth and my, you know, strength and power.
Speaker A:Like, it's such an intriguing concept, but we never get to see any of it realized because we're bouncing around so goddamn much that I can't even keep up with what's going on.
Speaker A:Half the time I'm like, oh, the only thing I know for sure is we spend five minutes going to 19 different people behind a glass window.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:The other thing that kind of.
Speaker A:Hurts.
Speaker B:A little bit for me is I think, timing on this.
Speaker B:So, like, when this came out, because I was just running through Alyssa came out saying in a similar time as like Percy Jackson.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And Maze Runner and Ender's Game.
Speaker B:And it kind of fits into that vein a little bit of this almost teen, you know, adventure story.
Speaker B:Like you can even lump Hunger Games into there.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:If you really wanted to.
Speaker B:And the problem is that all these other movies, like, had the backing of a book.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Or a well fleshed out world.
Speaker B:And it's almost like they, they tried to pull from these other franchises and, and make it.
Speaker B:Because I was thinking about when you're talking about the beginning.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And staying on Earth, the beginning of Jupiter Ascending and the beginning of like, Percy Jackson are almost identical in the sense of what you're seeing and going and then, you know, having your eyes open to a whole new world type of a thing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it just, it just gets sped along and then you can even throw in a little bit of the Maze Runner and not in Jupiter and you know, not knowing who you are and having to go on this journey of self discovery.
Speaker B:And it's just, it's, it's.
Speaker B:It's like we talked about doing too much and trying to.
Speaker B:Instead of just telling your.
Speaker B:The story that you want to tell, it's like, hey, you know, let's pull from all these other successful or not successful, but you know, fan bases that are coming out at the same time.
Speaker B:Let's do our own thing and just pull a bit from it and you know, here we go.
Speaker B:Because I, I don't think this is a book series, is it?
Speaker A:No, it's coming up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So it's like there's, there's the potential here to really go and create something, but it's, it's almost like, oh, we could do that better.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Pull it in here.
Speaker B:We'll take this and we'll take this.
Speaker B:We'll mush it all up.
Speaker B:And it's got everything that we want for it and it just doesn't land.
Speaker A:No at all.
Speaker A:You know, not even remotely.
Speaker A:And it's sad.
Speaker A:Like I said, like, it's just such an interesting concept.
Speaker A:Like I love the line where, you know, he's, and he's like humans, you, I know you think humans are, come from Earth and they're like, yeah, no, they came from this planet X billion years ago or whatever and every other.
Speaker A:And then you learn like.
Speaker A:And I mean, here's the other problem is you're like, oh, so it's the Matrix in space.
Speaker A:Because.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I mean, it's the same concept as the Matrix, right.
Speaker A:You have this evil.
Speaker A:I guess evil is probably the wrong word.
Speaker A:But like you have the bad guys which are like this sentient level, high level of being that needs entry level characters to survive.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So that it's just.
Speaker A:Instead of batteries, it's long life or immortality based.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Based on using like turning other humans into a moisturizer.
Speaker B:They're a farm.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Earth is a farm once again.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So instead of like giant pods of human farms, you got planets that are farms that they just wipe away.
Speaker A:So it's, I mean it's.
Speaker A:Honestly, it's the Matrix in space, like on steroids.
Speaker A:But it's.
Speaker A:I, I like it, I like the concept of it and like the idea behind it.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:To your point, I wish they had thought it through a little bit more.
Speaker A:Like, because you can tell with the Matrix the way that they set it up, they were like, look, we don't know if we're gonna get another movie because this shit's wild.
Speaker A:We're gonna make sure it ends in a way that you know, is satisfactory.
Speaker A:But we can also build on it if need be, if it's successful.
Speaker A:And I don't think that, like, I think they knew they needed to do something like that, but they were like, well, let's go all out.
Speaker A:And then they tried to stuff everything into this movie and I'm like, just keep it simple.
Speaker A:Stupid.
Speaker A:Like I, I wish more directors and writers and would just go, let's keep it simple.
Speaker A:Because when I think back and I go, and I look at movies that, especially when we're doing a category like this, right.
Speaker A:Like movies that are just so bad they're funny and they're not meant to be funny.
Speaker A:Like almost all of them, I can say you took your too seriously and then you tried to do too much.
Speaker A:Almost all of them.
Speaker A:Like, and if you just backed up and went, what's the most simple format in which I can tell this story?
Speaker A:And let's do that.
Speaker A:And obviously this is never going to be a simple movie.
Speaker A:This is huge, right?
Speaker A:Like, the scale, the scope, everything is massive.
Speaker A:But you can, you can shrink it down to the necessary pieces that you need.
Speaker A:Versus let's get out there and tell everything all at once so that we can make it huge in the spectacle.
Speaker A:And I don't want that.
Speaker A:Like, I want your trilogy to be a spectacle.
Speaker A:I want your first movie to leave me wanting more in a good way.
Speaker A:Like, this was awesome.
Speaker A:I want to see more instead of.
Speaker A:This could have been amazing.
Speaker A:Somebody else do it better?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, wait, you already did it better.
Speaker A:So it's just, I.
Speaker A:And it's super frustrating.
Speaker A:And I think it started with Channing Tatum being the wrong casting for this.
Speaker A:I'm with you.
Speaker A:Like, I would.
Speaker A:It would make more sense to me, especially the way that they line this story up where she never knew her father.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, or he was.
Speaker A:She was very young.
Speaker A:When she loses her father, make him Sean Bean.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:This grizzled old veteran that becomes her father figure instead of a weird ass love interest.
Speaker A:Like, because I have no interest in their love story.
Speaker A:None.
Speaker A:Because it's weird and it's stupid and I don't like him.
Speaker A:So if it's her and Sean Bean and it's this father figure and she's chasing the father she didn't have because she gets to learn about her father and you know, these things that he loved in space and it's like this realization of what he wanted.
Speaker A:Now, now I'm intrigued.
Speaker A:Okay, Now I want to see this.
Speaker A:And I would even say you could have made like, Channing Tatum the villain because here, let's just get this one out in the open.
Speaker A:I love, like, I think Eddie Redmayne is one of the better actors of our generation.
Speaker A:Like our age group.
Speaker A:You know What I mean?
Speaker A:30s, 40s.
Speaker A:He sucks in this because he's like, again, it's like the whole movie.
Speaker A:He's trying too hard.
Speaker A:Like this weird ass, slow, methodical, quiet voice.
Speaker A:And then he, like loses his and starts screaming.
Speaker A:Like, I know he's trying to be like, intimidating and creepy and it just doesn't work.
Speaker A:It just doesn't work.
Speaker A:But I think Channing Tatum, or make the mitt the other brother, the creepy one that almost gets her to marry that guy could have been a really good villain because he's Likable and yet twisted as like I was more worried about that guy than Eddie Redmayne's character.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like I just everything they cast and I feel like they cast it wrong to say, well, we've got Eddie Redmayne, we've got Channing Tatum, we've got Sean Bean, we've got Mila Kunis.
Speaker A:This can't go wrong.
Speaker A:Well, you got them in the wrong parts.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like move them around.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because Eddie Redmayne is the creepy ass dude that wants him to marry her.
Speaker A:That would have worked.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because he's creep.
Speaker A:You're like, don't marry him.
Speaker A:No, that's, no, you're do.
Speaker A:You can tell you're doing that out of like obligation.
Speaker A:Whereas with the good looking dude, like that's like really nice and sweet and lying his ass off.
Speaker A:You're like, that might not be so bad.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I tell you, like I, I keep beating this dead horse, but, or I have in episodes before, but like Neil Patrick Harris.
Speaker B:Oh wow.
Speaker B:Put him in a role in this real.
Speaker B:Because I've been, I mean he's so good.
Speaker B:He's been so good his entire life, but as he's getting older now, he's even better.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so he recently, it's been a little bit since he did it, but he was recently in Doctor.
Speaker B:Doctor who.
Speaker B:He played a kind of a antagonistic and it's wonderful.
Speaker B:And he's very good at that kind of sadistic evil.
Speaker B:I mean, you know, Barney Stinson and.
Speaker A:Oh yeah.
Speaker B:It's just perfect.
Speaker B:And so it's, it's like he's so good in, he'd be perfect as one of these immortals who is coming out and, and he could, he could be anyone.
Speaker B:So you'd be guessing he could be the nice one that you know is trying to get her to marry him or it could be the absolute evil of bone.
Speaker B:It would just be, it'd be fun to watch because now you're guessing that what his real motivations are and he doesn't give anything away on camera.
Speaker B:And so he, he would have been like, I, I, I love his acting and it's just like, dude, like even put him in Channing Tatum's role.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think just about anybody else would have been perfect in Channing Tatum's role.
Speaker A:But I, I have massive issues with Channing Tatum across the board.
Speaker A:I don't think he's a great actor.
Speaker A:I, it's just, no, it's a me thing maybe, but not a big fan.
Speaker A:Dude can dance his Ass off.
Speaker A:But acting's not his bag.
Speaker A:But I'm with you.
Speaker B:He's got people around him.
Speaker B:He's.
Speaker B:All right, sure.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:But that's thing, like we've talked about before with other actors on here is you're putting them front and center, and then, like, you're trying to surround him with people that are trying to make him better.
Speaker B:But he's the eye candy and he's the face.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Yeah, like, I, like.
Speaker B:I actually really liked him in the jump street stuff, but that's just because he's goofing off.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It's almost like he's not even acting at that point.
Speaker B:He's just being Channing Tatum.
Speaker B:And that's where he's really.
Speaker B:He's gold.
Speaker B:And so, like, I mean, he's popped up in a few movies where he's just a cameo.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And in many cases, it's the best part of the movie.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:There's Channing Tatum.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's very hard.
Speaker B:Not hard to watch him in, like, such a leading role, but it exposes his lack of range.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:When you're trying to put him into so much, he's.
Speaker B:You can't really carry a scene as well as other people can.
Speaker A:Well.
Speaker A:And you're setting him up for failure because you're setting him, like, he's got to act against two Oscar winners and an Oscar nominee like these.
Speaker A:You got Eddie Ren Main and Mila Kunis, who have both won Oscars.
Speaker A:I think Eddie Redmayne's won more than one.
Speaker A:And it's, like, surprised.
Speaker A:He's good.
Speaker A:He's great.
Speaker A:And I'm like, you can't set him next to people like that and not expect him to hold up.
Speaker A:Like, it's just not gonna work.
Speaker A:He works in a movie like.
Speaker A:Like Deadpool, because look at where he's acting against.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, yeah, let's.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:You know, it's goofy.
Speaker A:He works in 21 and 22 Jump street or whatever.
Speaker A:Because, again, there's no.
Speaker A:But you set him next to these.
Speaker A:These phenomenal actors.
Speaker A:And even Sean Bean.
Speaker A:Like, you can't do that to somebody and be like, you're good.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, even.
Speaker A:I don't remember her name.
Speaker A:Like, I think it's Goo Goo and Bathara.
Speaker A:Like, the one that's the little mouse girl that's his, like, captor.
Speaker A:Like, even she's phenomenal.
Speaker A:Like, you can't.
Speaker A:And he's just, like, weird.
Speaker A:Like, it Just doesn't work, so.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So unfortunate.
Speaker A:Yeah, it.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:And I've been trying to think, like, who could, like, if you had to have him be the love story, right?
Speaker A:And, like, he's the trinity to, you know, Mila Kunis's Neo.
Speaker A:Like, what's.
Speaker A:Who would.
Speaker A:And I. I don't.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:Like, I.
Speaker A:You know, actually, you know what I do know.
Speaker A:There's so.
Speaker A:I can't remember his name now, but the two of them were in the.
Speaker A:The new Top Gun movie together.
Speaker A:One of them was Rooster.
Speaker B:Oh, Miles.
Speaker A:Miles Teller.
Speaker A:He would have been awesome in this role, as would the guy that's doing the Chad, the weird football TV show.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, Glenn Powell.
Speaker A:Glenn Powell.
Speaker A:He would have been amazing in this role too.
Speaker A: ey may have been too young in: Speaker B:Like, no, because, I mean, I think Miles Taylor would fit because he was doing, like, Divergent around.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker B:Diversion series and Glenn Powell, I mean, he really up and coming over the last couple years, but he's got that.
Speaker A:You know, he's got it.
Speaker B:He's got that charismatic bad boy look.
Speaker B:Someone who would disobey orders and get the.
Speaker B:Get himself in hot water, like, you know, channel Tam's character.
Speaker A:Yeah, well.
Speaker A:And I could see a girl falling for him.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, yeah, I fall for him every single time.
Speaker A:Seriously.
Speaker A:Like, yeah, I'm down.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, but that's the part, like, Channing Tato.
Speaker A:It just doesn't work.
Speaker A:I'm like, why would you fall for this guy?
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker A:Like, come on, man.
Speaker A:Like, take him to the dog teeth cleaner.
Speaker B:Have a little self respect.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, it's just.
Speaker A:It just doesn't work.
Speaker A:It just doesn't work.
Speaker A:But, yeah, I mean, I think.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I'm with you.
Speaker A:It's kind of like last week where I feel like this movie's ripe for a retry.
Speaker A:Like, and I think.
Speaker A:And maybe to your point, like, I don't know, maybe it needs to be.
Speaker A:I could see this being animated and being dope, like, and not like, kids animation.
Speaker A:Like, for real, like, anime style, dark.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, adult animation.
Speaker A:I could.
Speaker A:That would be cool.
Speaker A:I think they could pull that off.
Speaker A:But I think the story series.
Speaker B:I mean, yeah.
Speaker A:TV show, even, like.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, I think there's.
Speaker A:There would.
Speaker A:I think it could have been successful.
Speaker A:I just think they tried to.
Speaker A:They did it wrong.
Speaker A:And it just didn't work.
Speaker A:So should we rate it?
Speaker A:Let's do it.
Speaker A:This is a one, dude.
Speaker A:Like, it's rough.
Speaker A:Like, it's.
Speaker A:It's hard to watch.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker A:And I listen there.
Speaker A:It works.
Speaker A:The theme, right?
Speaker A:Because I laugh, and I know it's not supposed to be funny, but I laugh my ass off at the smooth.
Speaker A:There's so many things that.
Speaker A:And the more serious they try to be in this movie, the more funny it is to me.
Speaker A:Like, it just.
Speaker A:Just doesn't work.
Speaker A:And it's sad to me to watch some of the phenomenal talent that's in this movie.
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker A:I'm like, oh, my God.
Speaker A:You have to look at this movie and go, what the was I thinking?
Speaker A:Oh, they paid me a lot of money, and I got to work with the Wachowskis.
Speaker A:That had to have been the motivation for a ton of people in this movie, because I just don't like.
Speaker A:It's just bad.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:It's not what it's supposed to be, but God damn, is it entertaining from.
Speaker A:Let's pick this apart and redo it.
Speaker A:Like, how would we have done this?
Speaker A:Like, I love watching it for that perspective, like, because I think I can make this movie better, right?
Speaker A:Like, from a.
Speaker A:At least from a story perspective and how we play it out on the screen.
Speaker A:Look, I'm no director.
Speaker A:Like, I don't know how to do all that, but I could tell you what would work better than what you did.
Speaker A:So I.
Speaker A:But it's bad.
Speaker A:It's a one.
Speaker A:That's what I'm giving it.
Speaker A:And I will do my best to never watch this movie again.
Speaker A:This is, like, the second time I've ever watched it.
Speaker A: I came out of the theater in: Speaker A:Did I just watch?
Speaker A:But yeah.
Speaker A:So there it is.
Speaker A:One for me.
Speaker A:What about you, buddy?
Speaker B:I'm gonna come a little bit higher.
Speaker B:One and a half.
Speaker B:And that's just because I've.
Speaker B:I have gone back to it to watch it on occasion.
Speaker B:But, I mean, here's the problem, is that it's.
Speaker B:And it's not even, like.
Speaker B:I want to say genocide, but it's not genocide.
Speaker B:It's like planet side planet decide, like, should never be funny.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Cracking up your.
Speaker B:Your big bass, you know, big bad boss battle at the end.
Speaker B:Shouldn't have me cackling or giggling in stitches.
Speaker B:But I am admitst all the fire and the flames, and it's just.
Speaker B:It's just funny.
Speaker B:And so I think it's the.
Speaker B:Like, you said it hits it right on the head where like this, this entire movie, none of it's supposed to be funny.
Speaker B:It's supposed to be this big, you know, colossal kind of world is at stake movie.
Speaker B:And aside from one or two little one liners here or there, you shouldn't get any more humor.
Speaker B:And I'm quite portion of it because it is, it's just funny.
Speaker B:And you didn't have in this one at least you didn't really have what our last two did with a really compelling villain who's kind of making it funny.
Speaker B:And you know, you could almost chalk that up to like an ironic funny.
Speaker B:This is just, it's just funny because it's funny falling apart on its itself and so definitely fits the bill.
Speaker B:One and a half.
Speaker B:I know I will watch it again, but it's, it's not something that I sit down like pay attention to and hope that it gets better.
Speaker B:At this point it's just like I need something going on in the background.
Speaker A:Yeah, hilarious.
Speaker A:Terrible.
Speaker A:Glad we did it.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:It was fun to talk about.
Speaker A:I, I love when we talk about.
Speaker A:One of my favorite discussions with us is like how would we do it different?
Speaker A:You know?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker B:We're brilliant.
Speaker B:2020.
Speaker A:Hell yeah.
Speaker A:We can do all that.
Speaker A:Sweet.
Speaker A:Well, tell everybody where they can find us when they're not listening to us right now.
Speaker B:Happy to.
Speaker B:Like JJ said, this was week three of movies that are funny even though they were never intended to be.
Speaker B:So this is got one more week left in this month wrapping up with a big one.
Speaker B:Best place to find us is on YouTube where you can see our smiling faces as we giggle back and forth about funny movies that never should have been.
Speaker B:But aside from that, Patreon is the best place to get what's our Verdict Content.
Speaker B:We are on Patreon at what's our Verdict Reviews.
Speaker B:We have up on patreon close to 600 episodes of bonus content.
Speaker B:Now the bonus content is behind a little bit of paywall, but you get access to hours and hours of bloopers, outtakes, even full length episodes of stuff that we cannot put on the main channel because it would immediately get us canceled.
Speaker B:But don't feel like you have to pay to enjoy the Patreon perks.
Speaker B:We also have our votes up there.
Speaker B:So every month we put out a voting topic and I think December's coming up here pretty soon or it's probably already passed at this point.
Speaker B:But January is going to be coming up.
Speaker B:So get in on the voting topics and then JJ and I have movies that we put up so get in on those votes as well so you can have a little bit of a hand in the whatsoever to creation because these, these votes matter to us.
Speaker B:We we are going for broke on it.
Speaker B:Special thanks to our current patrons Rich and cb.
Speaker B:They are the entire it's their fault all the extra content episodes that we couldn't put on the new on the main channel.
Speaker B:So they we appreciate them but it is all their fault.
Speaker B:So if you do join the Patreon check it out.
Speaker B:We got some doozies.
Speaker B:But with that I'll kick it back to the wazir of wap the Maharaja of MASH A JJ.
Speaker A:Yes sir.
Speaker A:Appreciate you Alec.
Speaker A:Yeah, go check us out.
Speaker A:A lot of fun there.
Speaker A:And with that as always we appreciate you tuning in.
Speaker A:We'll catch you on the next one.
Speaker B:Hasta la vista baby.
Speaker A:Magic.