Starving space-going chinchillas send a colony ship to Earth. The fearsome furballs attempt world domination unaware they’ve already won.

Today’s story is “Chinchilla Attack” by Reid Minnich, who co-writes scifi, furry and furry scifi with his wife, Stacy Bender.

Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.  I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

and Today’s story is

“Chinchilla Attack”

by Reid Minnich, who co-writes scifi,

furry and furry scifi with his wife, Stacy Bender.

“Chinchilla Attack”

by Reid Minnich From the screen, the sun looked the same as home.

Blacktail’s eyes strained to see the jewel in the blackness

and check if it was as beautiful as the images the probe sent,

but the planet was still a tiny dot.

Officer Barada’s tail bristled.

“Sir! I’m picking up radio signals.”

Her hands flew across the controls.

“What?” Captain Blacktail’s ears twitched.

How could a probe detect water, air, and plant life,

but fail to detect technology?

The fact was disheartening,

but he was prepared to fight for this prize.

How much of a fight was the question now.

The enormity of what he now had to do weighed heavily on his large furry stomach.

“Steady on.” “I’m detecting ships, sir.”

Blacktail gripped his armrests.

“Are they Averon ships? Have they spotted us?

How many are on an intercept course?”

Barada’s ears twitched.

“There are no interstellar wakes.

Nothing is moving.”

She turned a few knobs.

“There are several large machines in orbit but all appear to be stationary.

Nothing coming in or out.”

She flipped a switch and a machine appeared on the screen.

“I don’t think it is an Averon ship, sir.”

It was ugly. That in itself would have justified Barada’s opinion.

The ladders, doors and windows looked Chinchillan,

although the structures were devoid of decoration.

Then he saw the scale.

“Barada. How big are these creatures?”

“Judging by the size of that ladder and door, the creatures must be

90 mic tall and weigh five thousand zok.” Klaatu’s paw shivered as it hovered above the engine controls.

“Shall we turn around and run?”

Blacktail shook his head.

“Stay on course, half speed.”

The pup still had stripes in his fur.

Ninety mic? He tried to imagine a creature that big.

His six mic stature was considered tall and his 100 zok was considered portly.

He doubted such a giant would notice stepping on him.

He glared in the direction of his computer officer.

“Nikto. What can you tell me about these creatures?”

“They are big, sir.”

Through clenched teeth,

he spat, “We know that.”

Blacktail closed his eyes tight and imagined giving Nikto a savage nip.

“How high is their technology?

Can you translate their language?”

“I am not detecting any high

tech power sources.

The computers are already working on translation, Captain.”

“Good. Let me know when they are finished.”

“Finished, sir?” Nikto squeaked.

“Why do you make every conversation so difficult?” he barked. “Yes.

Finished.” “It will never finish.

The program will refine translation as long as you let it run.

The syntax algorithm

and the vocabulary tables form multi-indexed contextual- “Stop!”

Blacktail winced at the sharpness of his own voice as it ricocheted off the metal walls.

He let out a slow breath and turned to Barada.

“Locate a place to land and make contact with one of these creatures.”

“I thought that is what you would want.”

She swiveled away from him to face the large screen on the wall.

Her bushy tail curled seductively around her feet.

“I’ve already selected an area with sparse metal structures

each containing only one or two large creatures.

We will be in synchronous orbit above it in a few tocks.”

The screen filled with a large rectangular shape.

A rainbow colored infrared image of a creature could be seen

as if the walls were transparent.

Viewed from above and behind, it was not a nice looking creature.

Blacktail glanced around the room.

Every eye was fixed on the creature.

Klaatu’s shivering increased by the moment.

“Nikto. Have the translators in the pod in five tocks.”

His warning glance silenced the first word of his engineer’s complaint.

“Are we still going down there?”

Klaatu stammered.

“They could be predators.”

“We are equipped with the most sophisticated weapons ever devised.”

Blacktail tried to sound confident,

but as he looked at the monster, he too felt fear.

“We cannot turn back.

We have two hundred tocks to find a solution.”

He switched the screen to show the planet’s large land masses

and let that encourage him and the crew for a tock.

“I want each of you dressed in your finest military uniform.

We will depart in five tocks.

Dismissed.” Klaatu’s comment

weighed heavily on his mind

as he walked the multi-colored translucent tube from the control room to his quarters.

It was always possible the next alien species would be a predator.

Closing the door,

he indulged in a scented dust bath before tying the gold ribbon of his pink and yellow captain’s bonnet under his chin

and checking in the mirror that it was centered between his ears.

The tall emerald feather he won from the defeated Averon captain

made it even more regal and returned some of his confidence.

Tocks later, the crew was assembled and ready.

Even Klaatu looked smart.

His simple green and red striped skullcap with a small propeller in the center signified his position.

It was not as striking as Barada’s headpiece with its twin star-shaped jewels on flexible springs,

nor as tall as Nikto’s black and white checkered ear-length cone,

but it would do. Nikto passed out communicator earrings and translator pendants.

“What is your plan, sir?”

“I hate violence as much as you do,”

he looked each one in turn.

When he looked at Nikto, he couldn’t help but wince.

“Except for you.” He opened a steel box with a thick lid

and removed several objects.

“We have less than two hundred tocks to find out how this species reacts to aggression.

If they are easily intimidated,

we will see how they react to diplomacy.”

Barada’s eyes widened as she looked into the box.

“Aren’t those Pandora Missiles?”

She took a step back.

“How far are we prepared to push them?”

Blacktail’s face hardened as much as his chubby cheeks would allow.

“As far as it takes.

Hopefully, we won’t have to use the big guns.

We’ll start with this.”

He held up a dark green canister with a red button on top.

“You all know how to use this; don’t you?”

He could see the confusion on their faces.

“Come on. There are no stupid questions.”

Barada picked up one of the canisters as the rest of the crew shied away.

“This is a stench grenade.

It makes your eyes water

and has a very bad smell.

You push the button and roll the canister at your enemy.

It releases the gas after five seconds.”

“Very good, Barada.

How about this?” He handed her a disk that looked like two dinner plates glued together with a thick red material between them.

“That sir, is a terror induction bomb.

It makes an ear-piercing noise

and throws brightly colored sparks as it spins,”

she said with trepidation.

Klaatu shivered. “The horror.”

Nikto whimpered.

“So, we use the stench grenade first.

If the creature is not begging for mercy, we use the terror induction bomb.

If it still isn’t cowed

we will be forced to use a Pandora missile.

Are there any other questions?”

He looked each in the eye.

Even Barada seemed appalled.

Klaatu timidly raised a hand.

“Couldn’t we try diplomacy first?”

Blacktail’s breath caught in his throat.

“That is the dumbest thing you have ever said.

Enough questions. Let’s get on with it.”

He ushered them into the shuttle.

They were silent as the shuttle slid silently toward the surface.

It was up to him to make this work.

His crew knew their tasks and did them well,

but they were not trained soldiers.

He closed his eyes and rehearsed what he would say to the giant when it was cowering at his feet.

He felt the final surge as the shuttle flared

and settled to a gentle landing.

He viewed the not so alien landscape around the shuttle before opening the rear hatch.

The lush vegetation made the wild promises of the probe’s report seem

understated. “I know you are scared, but this should make you feel better.”

He patted the shell of the first in a line

of transparent spheres.

This is the high military achievement of our age.

When you are in a transpod,

nothing can hurt you.

These shells are designed to withstand the weight of ten thousand zok,

twice the weight of the creature we will meet.

It has motorized weights that allow it to climb steep hills without tiring the driver.

Its clear shell allowed for perfect visibility in any direction.

All you have to do is walk normally.

He loaded the weapons into the holding area in his transpod.

Nikto trembled less the moment he closed the transparent door.

The house awaited at the other side of a wide field,

framed in a twilight sky.

As they got closer

the impossible size of the dwelling eroded his confidence.

His courage took another hard hit as he came close enough to see into a cage through a window.

Inside the cage was an Averon.

At least, its bright feathers certainly made it look like one.

Could the giants also be at war with them?

The thought of keeping an enemy in a cage seemed

unbelievably cruel.

He had no translator for Averon and freeing it was not in his mission parameters,

but he had to know the truth.

He left the transpod at the base of the wall under the window.

It was an easy climb to the ledge.

The window was opened at the bottom barely enough to crawl through.

The Averon sat motionless

with its eyes closed in a filthy cage.

Blacktail tapped on the cage lightly at first, then harder.

The bird didn’t move

until he beat his fists against the bars.

It gave no sign it recognized him as an enemy.

Clearly, this was not an intelligent creature.

Blacktail felt better about turning his back on the creature

until it spoke. “Hello,”

his translator chirped.

Blacktail’s heart sank.

He could never leave a sentient creature in such a state.

It made sense that the Averon would quickly learn the local language.

Now that they could communicate,

it might give him valuable information.

“We will free you.

What can you tell us about the giants?”

The Averon turned its back to him.

Whether out of distrust or hatred, he could only guess.

He scampered down the wall to the others.

“The giant is holding an Averon prisoner.

We must free it.” Barada popped the hatch of her transpod and crawled out. “An Averon, here?” Klaatu was barely audible through the thick glass of his pod.

“You want us to help one of them?”

“It may have important intel on the giants.”

Blacktail looked at the frightened faces of his crew.

“Nikto and Barada,

go around the house to the left and look for a way in.

Klaatu and I will go right.

We’ll meet on the other side.”

He climbed into his pod

and led the way.

Making his way around the next side of the building,

he found a stone path that led to stairs

and a door, but the handle was impossibly high.

There were also windows far out of reach.

They moved on to the next side of the house where they were to meet with the others.

When they grew uncomfortable waiting for Barada and Nikto,

Blacktail led Klaatu around the next wall and found empty transpods at the foot of a set of stairs.

He breathed easier when he saw Nikto at the top of the stairs

gesturing to come see something.

Dragging Klaatu by the hand,

he climbed the stairs where Barada pushed experimentally prodded a door that was the perfect size for them and their pods.

It swung easily from its top hinge.

It was almost too good to be true.

“What do you think uses this door?”

Barada whispered.

“Are there two intelligent species here?

Averons, perhaps?”

Blacktail shook his head.

“An Averon entrance would not be on ground level.

Let’s get the pods up here.”

It took a few tocks for them to push the pods to the top of the stairs and the base of the door.

“The Averon is in this corner of the building.

The giant could be anywhere.

We have one hundred tocks.

Let’s move out.” He rolled his transpod through the door

and found himself in a hallway wide enough

to be a four lane expressway.

The rest of the crew entered close behind him. The pods

rolled silently cushioned by a soft carpet.

They hugged the wall which opened into the Averon’s room.

“Hello,” he greeted them cordially.

“We’ll have you out in a second.”

Blacktail left the safety of his pod

and climbed the pole.

Lowering himself down on the top of the cage

he reached for the simple latch that held the cage closed

when he realized the Averon could easily have escaped.

Not sure what else to do,

he pulled the release and the door sprang open.

The Averon did not bolt but seemed confused and frightened. “Pretty Bird.” “What?” Blacktail tried to make eye contact but the Averon seemed quite agitated.

“What can you tell us about the giants?” he whispered.

“Back in the cage!”

it screeched. “I will try to get you safe passage to any Averon system.

We will contact them to come get you.”

It whistled loudly then repeated,

“Back in the cage.”

The noise alone would have alerted the giant.

Blacktail hurried back down the pole to the safety of his pod.

“What is wrong with it?” Barada asked.

“I don’t know. Has it been tortured to insanity?”

He stared up at the cage with her

until it began to rain seed shells and poo covered bits of paper.

“Back in the cage,” it shrieked.

Blacktail led his crew in a hasty retreat back to the hallway.

Barada rolled next to him.

“What now?” “We go on.”

He led them to the end of the hallway

where the carpet ended at the entrance to a cavernous room with tables,

chairs, and metal boxes

the size of high rise apartment buildings.

Here, the floor was polished planks of wood.

He struck his most confident pose and strode into the room

looking for the giant.

The transpod clicked loudly in the groves of the wooden floor.

A blood chilling low-pitched sound hit him in the stomach.

A beast like the fabled zark charged from the shadows.

In a second it was on him.

He saw the world spin as a paw hit the side of his pod.

Fortunately, the stabilizers kept him from feeling the impact as he hit the wall.

He wanted to run

but terror froze his arms and legs.

The zark hurled a series of sharp barks

that turned his blood to ice.

Lined with pointed teeth,

its mouth was large enough to swallow him whole.

The teeth bit against the glass.

The pod struggled to maintain its position

as the zark’s paws hit it from every direction.

A low hit sent him flying through the air

down the hallway.

As he bounced, he steered it as best he could toward the giant door but careened into the pods of his crew

which all went spinning in different directions.

Blacktail’s military training took over.

He opened his hatch

and threw a stench grenade as the zark charged down the hallway.

It paused to look at the hissing cylinder at its feet,

whined and backed away.

From somewhere far away

came a new sound.

“Fifi!” The zark turned its head to look.

The floor of the immense building creaked and shook with each slow step of the giant.

Blacktail hurried the crew into the room at the end of the hallway

where with the insane Averon greeted them loudly. He readied a panic induction bomb as the crew lined up behind him

and peered around the corner.

It appeared at the end of the hallway.

It was the strangest creature Blacktail had ever seen.

It had a mop of hair on its head but its skin was bald.

It wore brightly colored cloth over every mic of its body but its face and hands.

“What is wrong with you?”

The sound of its voice was several octaves lower than a Chinchilla voice.

It walked into the cloud of noxious gas

and sniffed. It coughed and waved its hand in front of its face.

“Bad dog.” It turned and disappeared into the far room.

Blacktail checked his crew.

His pod weathered the attack without a scratch. He checked the time.

He would have to make his decision within 50 tocks.

With the weight of his planet pushing him on,

he motioned to the crew and stepped forward.

His pod protected him from the fumes of the stench grenade

that must still fill the hallway.

The giant was seated in the room at the end of the hall

with its back to him.

The zark looked right at them

and backed away. When he was close enough,

Blacktail armed the panic bomb

and rolled it with expert aim toward the giant.

It hit its target

and jumped into the air just over the giant’s head

unleashing its shrill whistling sound

and showering the giant in multicolored sparks.

It was a terrifying sight.

Blacktail griped the controls of his pod and watched.

He could see the terror build as the giant turned and looked up.

Its slow reflexes may have been a result of the immense size of its nervous system.

Blacktail readied himself to approach his terror stricken foe.

As the seconds ticked by,

Blacktail began to doubt that any nervous system could be this slow.

His impatience turned to fear

as the giant reached up

and let the sparks fall into its hand.

It looked positively disappointed when the whistling and sparks stopped.

The bomb dropped to the ground exhausted and defeated,

exactly like Blacktail’s plan.

Blacktail hefted the entire box of Pandora missiles.

“It’s hopeless. We have to go back,” Nikto whined as his pod rolled next to him.

“What are you going to do?”

Klaatu shivered. “We have to find a way to defeat the monsters

or face starvation on our planet.

planet.” He haphazardly dumped the missiles on the floor

and pointed them randomly toward the ceiling.

“Take cover,” he shouted

and slapped each missile’s launch button.

He dived into his pod as the first one shot skyward

and joined the rest of his crew taking shelter beneath a giant chair.

All six were airborne in quick succession.

Blacktail covered his ears and closed his eyes tight.

Even so, the first flash and concussion set his nerves ablaze

and the brightness hurt his eyes.

It was all he could do hold his composure through the assault.

The only other time he witnessed the use of this weapon

made him glad he saw nothing.

The sound alone stunned Averons and Chinchillas alike

and the flash caused temporary blindness.

It was the cruelest device any Chinchilla had ever devised

and only his rigorous training made him callous enough to use it.

Even so, he knew he’d eventually feel regret and remorse for what he was forced to do.

He was grateful the transpod protected him from the worst of the noise.

Even so, he would be partially deaf for a short time when this was over.

Between explosions,

he listened for the screams of the giant.

The bombardment seemed to last forever.

Some part of his brain tried to count the seconds,

knowing it would all end in under a tock,

but the adrenaline flooding into his system

would not allow that much concentration.

His pod swung violently.

Blacktail cracked open an eye to see what had caused it

and saw a transpod rolling erratically toward another chair.

A flash forced him to close his eyes tight.

Then it was over.

The monster was on its hands and knees.

Gazing at his trembling foe,

Blacktail felt strong.

Barada’s chest was heaving

but she seemed fine.

Nikto lay curled into a ball at the bottom of his pod.

He scanned the room.

It wasn’t until the giant straightened that he saw Klaatu’s pod the in giant’s hand.

The giant’s mouth moved but only a few words were translated

“Are you … the …?” Blacktail couldn’t turn away

but watched in fascinated horror

as the giant unlatched the hatch of the Klaatu’s pod

and wrapped his fingers around the helpless crewmember.

The giant walked right by the chair the rest of the crew was hiding under.

The zark bounced against the giant’s leg

as if begging for a meal.

Blacktail could only hear the giant as Klaatu begged for his life.

“… you … so cute!” The giant ran one finger along Klaatu’s back,

seemingly unaware of his pleading.

“Nikto, what is wrong with the translator?”

“Nothing, sir. It has only learned a few words?” Nikto stammered.

Blacktail could not hear Klaatu,

but the giant had not done anything but look at him.

“It ran for ten tocks

and it only learned baby talk?”

“It can speak baby talk in sixty five languages,”

he said hopefully.

“Multiple languages?”

Blacktail yanked

and thrashed angrily at the controls.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

Nikto bleated,

“I tried, sir. You told me to shut up.”

Barada cried out.

“It can’t hear the panic induction bomb or smell the stench grenade.

The Pandora hardly phased it.

The colony ships haven’t got a chance.

We have to turn the fleet around.” The giant continued walking to another room

carrying Klaatu away.

Blacktail was grateful when Klaatu’s screams were too far away to be heard.

Blacktail looked at the time.

He had ten tocks, not that it mattered.

Nikto and Barada were right.

It was hopeless.” Blacktail pressed a few buttons.

“This is Captain Blacktail of the Royal Chinchillan Space Fleet.

The planet below is – “Wait,” Nikto cried out.

“Wait for the rest of us to be eaten before we send the message that will prolong thousands of lives?” Blacktail snapped.

“Sir. If you’ll allow me to try something.”

Blacktail sneered.

“What can you do?” Nikto went running after the giant.

Blacktail shook his head

and turned to his only remaining crewmember.

“The idiot is going to get himself killed.”

He pushed a button

and continued his recording.

“This is Captain Blacktail.

The planet is infested with giants.

We are hopelessly unable to defeat or defend against them.

With deep regret,

I – “Sir?” “What?” he exploded.

“What if Nikto has a good idea?”

she pleaded. “Listen to yourself.

You can’t use his name and good idea in the same sentence.”

She placed a hand lightly against the glass.

“He is giving his life.

Shouldn’t we at least allow him to try?”

He chided himself for being too fond of the female, but nodded to her.

“Very well.” They crept their pods to follow the monster

and hid under a table with full view of the horrific spectacle.

“Another one?” The giant set Nikto and Klaatu on a table. Klaatu lay

twitching at the edge,

but Nikto reached toward the giant.

A puzzled look came over the giant

who leaned close.

“Hungry,” Nikto yelled.

The giant staggered back.

“You talk.” Again Nikto gestured

and repeated his message into the tiny ear of the giant.

“Hungry? You are hungry?

Why didn’t you say so?”

it opened a cabinet and set several cylinders before the pair.

Each cylinder was as tall as they were.

The giant put a mound of food on the counter from each container.

Each mound would have fed them all for several days.

Nikto nibbled at one

then another. “Nuts, Sir.

Dried fruit. So much food!”

He raised one in each hand.

“And it’s delicious.”

The giant ran its finger down Klaatu’s back.

“You are so soft,” it crooned hypnotically.

Blacktail felt his stomach tighten

the giant turned its head.

“More …?” He backed away as the giant approached.

Barada steered her pod at the monster’s feet

and opened the hatch as it reached for her,

but the zark came running and reached her first.

“Fifi,” the giant warned.

The zark obediently slowed

and merely sniffed Barada.

The giant gently lifted Barada

and rubbed her against its cheek.

“So soft and cute.”

Blacktail pressed the delete button and began a new message.

“This is Captain Blacktail.

The world below you is teeming

with willing slaves…

This was “Chinchilla Attack”

by Reid Minnich, read for you by Khaki,

your faithful fireside companion.

You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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