In this episode, we’re talking about the pressure many women carry around timelines and the quiet anxiety that comes with it.

This is a conversation for the woman who:

• Feels like life isn’t moving as quickly as it should
• Finds herself comparing her journey to others
• Is tired of carrying pressure she was never meant to hold
• Is learning how to trust God’s timing while still moving forward
• Is navigating starting over, whether from disappointment, loss, or divorce

Through biblical truth and honest encouragement, this episode will help you:

• Recognize the lies that fuel timeline anxiety
• Realign your perspective with God’s timing
• Release the pressure to rush or force outcomes
• Stay active and intentional without striving
• Find peace in the season you are in right now

Let's Stay Connected

If this episode encouraged you, I’d love to stay connected with you beyond this space for more resources, encouragement, and ways to grow in your faith

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• Follow Jennifer on Instagram at @doseofjen and Facebook at Jennifer Parr

Hey, winning women, welcome back. So in season four, which is where this episode lands, we have been talking a lot about relationships, about marriage, about motherhood. After you listen to this episode, if you haven't caught up on some of the episodes from season four, I definitely encourage you to do that. But today I want to talk to the women who are quietly wondering what it feels like to see everyone else's life moving on and yours isn't. And I have a soft spot in my heart for women.

like you because I've been in all of those seasons where I feel like I am behind something is wrong with me. I am not enough. God, when am I going to get my breakthrough? God, when am I going to get my open door? God, why am I still struggling? And so you're not alone. I feel like I say that every episode, but I really want to unpack this today because when we don't address this, when we don't unpack this, then it leads to a lot of different things that can cause women to spiral, cause women to

take matters into their own hands, cause women to settle or make just the wrong decisions. So today I want to walk through five lies. These are lies that come from society, they come from the world, they come from people, they come from friends, but these lies do nothing but fuel pressure in women. I want to speak truth into those lies and so that we don't continue to walk through these seasons where we feel like we are behind or...

watching other people get things and it just stirs something in us that's just not healthy. So let's first start and break down what's really underneath the root of this timeline anxiety. And underneath the root of this timeline, this pressure is comparison because now we start to compare ourselves to other people. Also cultural timelines and I want to address this because I am from West Africa, I'm from Nigeria and I believe that there are some timelines that I have felt

that I felt growing up that I still feel that is connected to my culture. I absolutely love being Nigerian and Sierra Leonean, but there's a huge emphasis on education. And if you know my story, you know that I went to school for communications. I had a great job. I love my job. I worked in my field. And then I gave that up to come home and be a wife and a mom, a human, a better human, someone that gets sleep, someone that is just not burnt out.

But in my culture, that's not a very popular decision. Matter fact, when I made that decision, a lot of my family questioned, like, why would you want to give up a career that you worked so hard for? So there are pressures that we feel that come from just your culture. I know that certain cultures lend itself to be just more harder on women. Certain cultures have higher expectations for women. I don't know why that is, but I'm sure we can unpack that in another episode.

But just be aware that sometimes that anxiety you feel from the timeline that you are up against could simply come from your upbringing. Also, there is FOMO, fear of missing out. This is huge, especially in today's world because of social media. And there's just a timeline that as you start to see other people and friends hit certain milestones, you just feel like you're missing out. Or if there are seasons where lot of your friends are celebrating their weddings or celebrating baby showers and

You can't be there. You just feel like, wow, okay, am I missing something? And then I want to address how all of this can also cause just straight confusion. And you can just really start to be in denial because you're confused. So this is the root. This is where the enemy likes to dwell. This is where the enemy likes to brew and stir up this anxiety that is connected to the timeline that we're feeling this pressure from. I met my husband.

at the age of 29. And y'all, I was living my best life, but to a lot of people, that was considered late. After I finished college and I started working, all of the questions that came after I got my first job or even my second job were, well, Jennifer, are you dating someone? Are you going to get married? And I understand where their heart was, but I felt a lot of pressure that if I hadn't met someone, the closer I got to 30, it started to feel like something was wrong with me.

And so I want to address that first lie. And the first lie is the lie of the right timeline. There's a certain sequence. I would even say it's a predictable sequence here in the Western world that you go to school, you get an education, you get a job, you start your career, you meet the man of your dreams, you get married, you have kids, and then that leads to success and you should be fulfilled. That's like the predictable timeline that is in the Western world. Now, I don't think scripture

goes by this timeline. In Ecclesiastes 3.1, the Lord talks about seasons. He doesn't talk about schedules. The Lord doesn't talk about education, career, marriage, kids' success and fulfillment. Like, the Lord mentions seasons. Think about Abraham. Abraham waited decades for a promise that God gave him. Abraham had some serious patience because if God told me what God promised Abraham about ancestors and the stars and

how many people you wouldn't even be able to count. I would be like, whoa, like, what am I going to get this? And so you see Abraham, he waited for decades for that promise. I think of Joseph and all those lost years that he had when he was in prison, but how God's promise stay true. I also think of David. This is one of my favorite examples because David was anointed by Samuel way before he became king.

He was anointed when he was a shepherd. He was anointed where people thought Samuel was crazy. Like people did not believe that the next king was going to be David, a little old shepherd boy. So you see a lot of examples in the Bible where God anoints people, he anoints man, but he anoints them and he focuses on the seasons and what happens in those seasons instead of like a schedule. But we have fallen into the trap.

of being focused on a schedule. And I think that's where this lie of the right time, like this is the right time to have kids. This is the right time to get married. This is the right time to pursue your career. According to what? I mean, I look at my life now and I could not have predicted where I am today, where I've given up a career that I love. I'm a better wife, a better mom, a better human.

And I'm living the quality of life that I feel like God has for me. And there's no way I would have fulfilled this being burnt out, working so many hours outside of the home with young kids. just for me and my capacity, it wasn't possible. so common thoughts that you may feel if you're in a season where you feel like, am I on the right path? God, like this timeline, am I supposed to have done this already?

And these are common thoughts. They start with thoughts like, should be married by now, or I thought my career would look different by now. I've even felt that I wish I could feel more settled now. Like when I was in DC, I was single, I was dating, but I just never felt settled. And I see my friends who had a boyfriend, they had a boyfriend for like three, four years. I'm like, wow, y'all are so stable. Y'all are so stable. And so this is an invisible expectation that women place on ourselves.

to be at a certain place by a certain time or have achieved something specific by a certain time. And that's just not biblical. Instead, I want to encourage you to replace that lie with the truth. And the truth is that God works in seasons. He doesn't work on a fixed schedule. Matter of fact, God's schedule is completely different from ours. And so I would encourage you to shift your focus instead of focusing on the outcome. The outcome is I want to be married. I want to have a career by now.

I want to be more settled, but focus on preparation. And I want to pause because I don't want to discredit that feeling. Two things can be true. You can be happy for people who are getting their blessing or getting that answer to their prayer, and you can still yearn for yours. You can be excited and supportive for your friends and family that are starting their business and still have a desire to do your own. So I don't ever want to set this expectation that you should just be content. It is okay.

It is normal. It is human. It is biblical to yearn for something that your heart desires. But instead, shift your focus from the outcome and start to focus on, God, what am I becoming while I wait? And this keeps you from fixating on like your marriage timeline. It keeps you from obsessing over these milestones and it kind of helps you overcome this feeling of feeling stuck. Instead, I think that mindset can encourage you to focus on growth.

character and just how you're stewarding what God has given you. So it doesn't take away the pain. Please hear me when I say that. But instead, we're just kind of redirecting our attention and not fixating on certain milestones and timelines, but we're shifting it to have a more growth mindset, a more stewardship mindset, a more character development mindset. So that's a lie, but I want you to replace it with that truth if you are feeling like I am getting anxious over this quote unquote timeline.

Another lie that I want to address is that there's a lie that can make women feel like if it hasn't happened yet, it's not going to happen. And this is where a lot of women, including myself, we get very discouraged. Y'all, when I met my husband, a lot of my friends just did not think it was possible for me to meet the kind of guy that I wanted. And when I say the kind of guy, I wanted someone that didn't have kids. I know that I can't really control that.

But I just had a preference and I knew that I would be coming into a relationship without any children and I would just kind of want the same expectation from the man that I was meeting. Now there are some good men. There were some fantastic men who just didn't meet that expectation, but they were still great men. That just meant that it wasn't for me. And so it's easy to believe that lie that, you know what, after dating all these great men, if I haven't met the guy yet that I'm supposed to meet,

I just don't think I'm going to like I'm just going to commit to being single the rest of my life. And mind you, I was 29 when I felt this, but there are women who are 30, there are 40, there are 50, there are 60 and they feel this way. And that is a real feeling. You have showed up. You have given it your all. You have presented yourself in the best way possible. You have done the hard work.

You've done this self-reflection. You've done all the right things. And you just haven't met the man who was worthy of your time, your commitment, and perhaps your future. I get it. I just want to encourage you that even though that desire is delayed, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten about you. And it shouldn't shift you into denial that it's not going to happen. But like I said, I totally understand if you feel that way.

For a long time, I did feel that way. When I met my husband, he was a lot older than me, and I could not have predicted that any other way. I thought I was gonna meet someone who was one or two years older than me. He wouldn't have any kids. He would be like my knight in shining armor, and God brought me the perfect man, the perfect man. But I'm not gonna sit here like I didn't think, wow, I don't think I'm ever gonna meet someone like him. And y'all, he was worth.

the way. So I encourage you just to be a little bit careful about the trap of being overly focused on one thing. And that is that if it hasn't happened, it's not going to happen. I think this is very instinctual for a lot of women and we don't just desire something, but we kind of obsess about it. I do this with cabinets. I do this with colors. I do this with simple things around the house. So yes, of course I did this when it came to relationships.

Of course, I did this when this came to careers. think women are just kind of built this way. Some women are. And so if you have this desire and you start to really focus on the thought of God, this is just not going to happen for me. Then I like to remind myself of Matthew 6 33. And that is the scripture that just reminds us that we should seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. And this is just a biblical command to prioritize God's will over our

material anxieties or that we believe that we deserve. It just promises that when believers focus on spiritual and godly living, then God will provide for our daily needs while we're waiting. And that leads me to the third lie, and that is, my goodness, I need to hurry and make this happen. This is for all my impatient sisters out there, including myself. There are so many times that women

Not only can we take matters into our own hands, but we do. We simply do. And that's a lie because the enemy wants nothing more than for you to feel like you are in control of your destiny. You can manifest in many of your dreams. It's the lie of I need to hurry and make this happen on my own timeline, in my terms. I want you to replace that with the truth of forcing what isn't ready. Well, 99 % of the time,

lead to pain. I promise you that if you force something, whether that is a relationship, whether that is trying to change someone, whether that is forcing something that God never meant for you, it's going to lead to pain. I'll tell the story of when I was single, there was a guy that I dated and I was like madly in love with him. Looking back now, I can't say that he felt the same way about me, but I was convinced in my mind.

that he was going to be my husband. Y'all, I did everything. I would sometimes cook, make things for him. I would plan trips. I would just do things that, quite frankly, he did not really deserve to get those things as just someone who I was dating. Those are things I really should have saved for my husband. But my point is, I was madly in love. And I took matters into my own hand where I was really trying to make him the husband that I desired.

I just don't think that he saw himself in that role. I don't think he ever really saw us being married. He enjoyed dating, but it just... There was something about that relationship that after a while I realized, you know what? I think I have taken matters into my own hand because I became very, very, very impatient with God. And while action is important, I don't subscribe to this wait for the right opportunity or wait for your man.

There are seasons where we're called to wait, but I do think that action is necessary. So I encourage action, but I just want to encourage you to take action without anxiety. Don't add extra pressure on yourself. If you see the red flags, if you see a few red flags, pivot. You don't have to keep going and take control of the relationship. You don't have to try to change your spouse. You don't have to try to force your way into that company or get that job.

You don't have to do that. Whatever it is that we feel like we have to take control of, I would encourage you to do the opposite because God's got it under control. Now, I know that sounds cliche, but I promise you the way He would handle it, but I promise you what God has for you is for you. And the way that He's designed it, His timeline is always, always much better than ours.

And that leads me to the other extreme. And I honestly don't think this is the best advice that women are given. And that's why I'm going to call it a lie. But there is a lie that encourages women that you should just wait and do nothing. I wholeheartedly believe in seasons of waiting. Matter of fact, I'm currently in a season of waiting. There has been a prayer that I have been praying for years to grow our family. And God just has not given me a yes yet. He hasn't answered that prayer. He hasn't.

giving us the opportunity to do so. And so I am in a season of waiting. And there are times where I have been told, just continue to wait, Jennifer. And while I understand that comes in a good place, I also heard this advice when I was single. just wait, wait for your right man. Or Jennifer, just wait for that job. I don't believe that as believers we are called to just wait and do nothing. Instead, the truth is that faith is active. It's not passive.

There are so many things we can do while we're waiting. When we're in seasons of waiting, we can pray fervently. We can fast. We can grow spiritually. We can challenge ourselves. We can do so many things instead of just sitting around and waiting for God to move on our behalf. Now, will He move if we are sitting? I'm sure if it's His will, but I do think that we are called to not have passive faith, but have active faith.

And so instead, I think it's important to clarify what balance is. Like there's a difference between waiting on God and doing nothing while you're waiting. Faith is not passive. I think of James 2 17 that reminds us that faith without works is dead. That is one of my favorite scriptures when I feel like I'm just supposed to wait and do nothing. That verse reminds us that no, faith, yes, we're supposed to have, but without works, it's dead. Proverbs

31 also shows the Proverbs 31 woman who is active, she's engaged, she's building, she's preparing, she's not just waiting. Now if God has called you to a season of waiting, or He has called you to a season of rest, please be obedient and honor that. There's a reason that God has called you to be still in this season. There's a reason that God has called you to perhaps pull back.

Before I left my job, I was called to that very same season and it wasn't for anything else other than for me to quiet the noise around me so that I could hear God's word and have His word speak into my life and guide the next steps that I was going to take. But during that season, I wasn't just not doing anything. I was digging into the word. I was fasting. I was really, really, really, really searching.

and yearning for God to just guide every single step that I took in that season when I was trying to decide if I was going to leave a job that I loved to come home. And so that brings me now to the fifth lie. Like I said, there's a lot, but I just want to cover five today. And the fifth lie is a lie that has really plagued a lot of women who have experienced transition. And that is the lie that you can't start over for women who have

felt like they've made way too many mistakes in their life. Women who maybe their story didn't turn out the way you planned. Or women who have dealt with divorce or currently going through separation. Whatever transition you are in that is heavy. This could be broken relationships, this could be career shifts, whatever that is. There is a lie that the enemy loves, loves to put in our head that this is it. You can't start over. You have built something.

You have invested in something. You have worked hard for something. And now that it's crumbling or it's fell apart, that's it. That is nothing but a lie from the devil to keep us bound, to keep us behind, to keep doors closed. And so I want to speak life and just give you some truth in scripture. And Joel, oh my gosh, Joel 2 25 talks about how God restores what was lost. John four talks about the women at the well. We know the story.

And she has a complicated relational past, but Jesus meets her right where she is, right where she needs to be. He doesn't condemn her. But instead we see Jesus do something that people would probably call taboo, especially for the culture back then. that's he invites her to purpose. He invites her in. And so if you feel like you cannot start over, if you feel like something has happened and right now you feel stuck.

You're not disqualified. Like, just because that situation or that thing has happened doesn't mean that God's like, okay, she's damaged goods or I can't work through her anymore. It's actually the opposite. He's able to bring purpose in places that are broken. That's the whole gospel. That's why we need him, because we are broken. We are going to fall short every single time. And if you have to start over, it's not failure.

It's redemption. Sometimes this is where true clarity begins. When I think about divorce and marriage, God's design for marriage is intentional and it is sacred. It's not something to be played with. It's not something to where, I'm not happy anymore, so I'm going to divorce this person. I think that we see through scripture how God cares for marriage. It's sacred. But at the same time, we also see that we can live in a world where things break.

We can live in a world where things fall apart. There are grounds that God has given women the right to divorce in the Bible. And when that happens and the relationship has experienced pain and failure and loss and hardened hearts and infidelity and all the things that are not reconcilable, this is where God's grace comes in. God cares for women just as much as he cares for man. God cares for your heart. And for that reason, I

don't think it's wise for women to make permanent decisions when we're going through things emotionally. Our emotions can really take a toll on us. And oftentimes, when we make those permanent decisions like divorce, it can feel like, God, this is it. But I promise you, God can meet you exactly where you are. If you're broken, if you're confused, if you feel like you made a mistake, if you feel like...

Wow, I thought the grass was going to be greener on the other side and it's God's not mad at you. He's there waiting with open arms. And so, yes, I'm going to encourage you to get back out there. Get out there. You can start over. If that relationship failed, you can start over. If that marriage didn't work and you have fought hard, you have done everything you can, you have softened your heart, you've repented, you've done all the things that you're supposed to do.

I think it's okay to trust God with the next steps. Now, get back out there, yes, but don't perform. Don't perform for anybody. Don't chase validation through man. That's probably how we get in these situations because we're looking for affirmation and validation from man instead. We should be so confident in who we are in the eyes of God that what man gives us, the attention, the affirmation that gives us, it's just...

It's just icing on the cake. Look into saying yes to grow opportunities. Challenge yourself. Get out there. Go outside as people would say. Schedule that date. Get on that dating app. Find community. Join a small group. Do those things that were probably uncomfortable and are uncomfortable, especially in this new season that you are in. Because God is still developing your character. He's still strengthening your faith. He's still

calling you to stay engaged in life because you have purpose. You are still on this earth. You woke up this morning. are breathing only because God still sees your life as purposeful on this side of heaven. Dear Lord, you see the woman who feels behind, the woman who is listening to this episode and has felt her heart ache over timelines that have been placed on her.

would you meet her right where she's at? Slow her thoughts, settle her heart lord, remind her that she's not too late and she's not missed your plan for her life. For the woman who has walked through divorce or is walking through divorce or breaking up with something that she once hoped would last, I

that you meet her exactly where she needs you to be but meet her lord with grace. Restore her heart for what feels lost in a way that only you can, not the world.

For the woman who feels like she's starting over or that she can't start over, Father, I pray that you give her courage. Remind her that starting over is not the end of her story, but it's simply a place where you may have her to try something new. Help her to trust that. Help her to know that you are able to redeem every part of her journey. Father, give her the strength to stay faithful in this season, to keep growing, to keep showing up, to live faithfully, Father, and to live but without striving, without force.

without performing Lord. Help her to release these timelines, these timelines that she was never, never meant to carry and have unrealistic expectations.

and said, Lord, I ask that you help her seek you seek you first above everything else, above every desire, above every expectation and fill her heart with the kind of peace that comes from knowing that she is seen. She is known. She is so close by you and you only trust you with what has been with what you've done with what you are doing and what you will do in our lives. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.

Alright friend, go win this week and make God proud. Bye for now.