In this episode of the One Small Change Podcast, host Yvonne McCoy sits down with Mardi Winder Adams, a seasoned divorce coach, to explore the profound impact personal life changes, particularly divorce, can have on one's professional landscape. Mardi shares her own journey from a livestock buyer to becoming a passionate advocate for those navigating divorce, particularly within the entrepreneurial community. They discuss strategies for maintaining personal and professional balance during times of stress, the growing phenomenon of "gray divorce," and the necessity of community and self-care.

Guest Bio:

Mardi Winder Adams is a certified divorce coach who brings a wealth of experience from diverse fields, including education and domestic violence advocacy. Starting her career as a livestock buyer, Mardi transitioned into teaching and then into domestic violence support roles, driven by her desire to help individuals through life-altering situations like divorce. Her unique journey underscores her commitment to supporting clients in navigating personal challenges that impact their professional lives.

Key Points:

1. Mardi's Diverse Career Path [00:01:00]:
2. Mardi shares her unexpected journey from a livestock buyer to a divorce coach, highlighting the pivotal experiences that led her to this niche.
3. Impact of Divorce on Professional Life [00:02:24]:
4. Mardi discusses how personal issues like divorce can significantly affect an individual's professional performance, citing research on stress and productivity.
5. Entrepreneurial Balance [00:16:14]:
6. The importance of maintaining balance between business priorities and personal relationships, and how mindfulness practices can aid in this.
7. "Gray Divorce" Phenomenon [00:09:26]:
8. Exploration of the growing trend of divorces among those aged 50+, with insights into the motivations behind this life decision.
9. Building Resilience and Seeking Support [00:17:51]:
10. Mardi emphasizes the value of seeking help and building resilience through structured activities to cope with stress and personal challenges.

Main Quote:

"I think the one small change was just coming to the realization that your skills, your knowledge, and your experience is of value to other people." – Mardi Winder Adams

Guest's Website:

• Mardi Winder Adams' Website

Welcome to the One Small Change, and I'm so excited that you took

time out of your your day to be here. And I'm thrilled to

embark on this journey of exploration and transformation with you. I'm your

host, Yvonne McCoy, and I bring almost 30 years of entrepreneurial

experience and a passion for discovering growth through the

power of really small change. Thanks for joining

me on this journey. And this week, we are

talking with the amazing Mardi Winder Adams.

Mardi, I am so glad you're here to share with

us, some unexpected change that had a, you

know, remarkable transformation in your life. So

thank you for being here. Yvonne, thank you. This is

really a privilege to be on your show and and have the opportunity to speak

with you and your audience. So tell us what you do because

you have a unique niche, and tell us how you

got into it. Well, that's a very

long story, so I'm gonna give you a very short version of it.

I am a divorce coach, and that's not

what I started out in my in my professional life at all. I

actually started out as, believe it or not, a livestock

buyer. I would go and buy cattle for a packing plant. That's

what I started out doing. That's and shortly

after that, I mean, I grew up on a farm, you know, so what wasn't

that big of a stretch. Then I went into teaching, and

I was an elementary school teacher for many, many years.

Went back and got my masters, started doing behavior consulting.

Long story short, moved from Canada down here to Texas,

and stopped teaching and started working as

a domestic violence client advocate. So I worked with women getting out

of abusive, situations. Mhmm. Got really interested in

helping people through the divorce. I've been through my own. And,

obviously, in abuse cases, divorce is a priority for a lot of,

a lot of women. And then I went into

ICF and BCC executive and leadership coaching, got all certified

in that, and just loved the whole idea behind coaching. And I found

that a lot of my clients that were struggling, in their

c suite roles as entrepreneurs, as professionals,

it wasn't the professional stuff that was so much the problem. It was the

personal stuff that was going on in the background that was,

I say, bleeding into their professional persona and their

ability to do their job. So I found that a lot of my

clients were going through divorce, and this was way back in 2015 before

divorce coaching was really recognized, a lot. It it was out

there, but not really, like it is today. And I went

through, got my certification, and this is where I've been ever since

because it gives me the opportunity to meld all that stuff

together. You know, the thing that that I the the strange thing that we have

in common, I guess, is that when I was exec, coaching executive women

in nonprofits, and I would say to them, you

know, you know, just kind of to see where I was on the mark,

I would say to them, what is it that you got that you really that

really helped you? And, of course, I was expecting them to say, oh, you're

a wonderful business acumen. And what they said to

me was, you kept me calm and you helped me with

my kids. Yeah. So

Yeah. So that's interesting. So that's that's

that's a kind of a combination of a lot of

different skills that came together. So what was the change

that made you say what was the biggest change that's happened for

you that really had an impact on your life?

Well, I think way

back when I was when I was still living in Canada and I was a

behavior consultant, I was doing my work for a school district. And

if you know, I'm not gonna go into how teachers and and people that

work in school districts are underpaid and overworked. I'm not gonna go into it.

I married 1. So But it's the truth. But

what I found was that I started getting parents

who would or people within the school districts, teachers,

parents, community members, would come up and say, my child

is really struggling, and they've got some behavior challenges. Would you come

and do an assessment for us privately, and what would you charge?

And I had honestly I grew up in a family. My dad was a police

officer. My mom worked for a department store. She had health

issues, and I just grew up where you just worked for somebody. Like,

that was security. Right? There was retirement. I mean, this was this was a long

time ago. There was retirement. There was pension. There was you know,

you kinda all your life at one place. It wasn't this jump

around to a bunch of different jobs. And I think the one small

change was just coming to the realization that your

skills, your knowledge, and your experience is of

value to other people. And you have

to just trust that they are going to you know, if

you offer your services. Once I started doing that,

I just loved it. I loved being my own boss and that even though it

was just a little bit of a side hustle, but that kinda geared me up

to becoming more independent and and

developing my business, on the side. And and I

absolutely agree with you. I mean, my when I was doing adult education, one of

the things that I would say to people is you're

you you should consider yourself an entrepreneur even if you're

working for a company. Because everything you learn, everything you know

how to do, you can pick up and move. Right. You know? So whether

that's a side hustle, you know, or whether that's getting into

a different field. And so wherever you're working, you should

definitely take advantage of all the educational opportunities

that are there to hone the skills that you want. You

know, if, you know, if you can stretch the box a little bit so

that if you're thinking, I'd really like to be going more in this

direction, figure out a rationale for why you can have the

company pay for that. And so you've invested in yourself.

And having a side hustle, I think, is always a good thing

because I always go, you know, if you've got a if you're if you're you

think of your finances as a stool

and you're in a in a, you know, a marriage and only one income,

you've got, like, a one legged stool. If both of you are working, you've got

a 2 legged stool. If you've got some other source of income,

whether it's passive or it's a side hustle, you now have a 3 legged

stool. You know, and each of you have a hustle, now you have a 4

legged stool. The more streams of income you have, the more secure you

are financially. So

so tell me more give me a a story about

where you felt like this really helped somebody and and why this

is particularly important to entrepreneurs.

There's a couple. So I'm gonna answer the second part of that question first if

you don't want. No problem. There's a lot of research out there

about the impact of divorce on people. Whether you're a man

or woman, it it doesn't matter. So there's something called the

Holmes Rehay stress inventory, and it is an actual,

they use it to predict your level of stress and then the

possibility of health issues. So we know the higher level of

stress people have, the more risk there is for,

stress related health issues, cardiovascular, digestive, mental

health issues, that all comes into play. And the

most significant the

most significant event that people can experience on this scale, which is a

100 points, is the death of a spouse. The

second highest, level of stress is

rated at 70 points, and that is divorce. So

anybody that goes through divorce and thinks this is just a legal

matter, I can just you know, I'm not in love with that person anymore

or maybe even, I can't stand being around that person

anymore. They have you have to understand that

this is not just a legal issue. You can't compartmentalize your

life and go, well, the divorce is just gonna sit over here. It like I

said, it it it bleeds into all aspects of your life.

And if you are not maintaining yourself,

emotionally, mindfully, physically your physical

health, all of that stuff can really take a hit during a divorce. If you're

an entrepreneur and you're not performing, you're not making effective

decision making, in a study that I just

read from the, I think, the University of Michigan. I may be misstating that, though.

But, basically, productivity drops for to up to

40% for 2 years on either side

of divorce for some people. So these are all things that an

entrepreneur really has to think about. You it's not going to be business as

usual if you're going through a divorce. So that's why I think it's

important for entrepreneurs to prepare for this. Doesn't mean you need a divorce coach,

but you need to be prepared that those kind of things are gonna happen.

Well, I think Oh, sorry. No. Keep going. I'll I'll I'll

I'll I'll hold my thought for a minute. Well, I was just gonna say my

story that I always love to tell. I had a, so there's this thing

called the gray divorce. I'm sure you've heard of it. It's basically divorce for

people that are now there's a different number of different groups, but, say,

50 plus. And that's actually the biggest growing

group that is going through divorce right now are people 50

plus. And so a lot of the reasons you know, there's a lot of different

reasons for that, but I I think a lot of it is that, people are

living longer. And

why stay in a relationship in your retirement

years, whether you retire or not, where you're not happy

and you, you know, you have very different perspectives of what you want the next

20 or 30 years of your life to look like. You know, there's

typically no longer children involved. It's just a lot easier for or

minor children involved. Mhmm. So it's a lot easier for people to go through that.

But I worked with a lady who was in her seventies. She

started working with me when she was 68. It took 4 years for

her divorce to be finalized. She was dealing with an extremely

difficult situation with her partner. And,

she told I I always ask my clients to set their goals, which I know

that's a big part of of entrepreneurship as well is having those goals.

And she told me she wanted to go back to university and get her

PhD that she was never able to do while she was in the marriage. And

so I am happy to report at the age of 73, she

got her PhD. And that and, you know, she

just said she felt so prepared to do that, with

having that clear vision, making the right decisions during the divorce to help

her make sure she could fund herself through that course. And, yeah,

I'm really excited she got her PhD. That's that's my yeah.

Yeah. That is so fantastic. And and I you know, you hit

on a couple of things, I think, that I think are so

important. One is that we have a tendency

I mean, if you're of a certain age, especially people who are

50 and older, you know, we were that mindset

of, you know, what I call doing the right thing. You know, you

went to you went to, high school, you went to either

college or training, you got married. I remember my father saying to me, I hope

I'm not sending you to college to get your MRS. Right?

You know, I got married. I had 2.7 kids.

I had a dog, 2 cats, 2 cars, and a house. You know?

And then with circumstances beyond my control, all of a

sudden, I found out I didn't have a job. Right? And it was

like, okay. If I have a chance

if if I have to, you know, go find another job and I was at

that weird time when my kids were, like, far enough from before they had to

go to college that I wasn't really worried about that,

And I had a good unemployment thing,

and I thought, what do I wanna do? What is it that I've always wanted

to do that that wasn't there? Right. Do

you know? And for me, I decided

that I wanted I always had wanted to

help pea adults learn to read. Because as a kid, I

couldn't do that. I you know, I had a wonderful teacher who helped

me, and so I decided I was gonna do that. Turns out I was, you

know, volunteered to do that while I could. Turns out I was really horrible

at that. I think it was like a trigger for me.

Do you know? It'd take me back to something that was, you know, plus the

fact that I couldn't slow my brain down. I mean, I have all the

respect in the world for somebody who goes back to school and tries to learn

a new skill at at, you know, at an adult age, but I

could not I couldn't, you know, the

the dog. It was like

Right. So I went into workforce development, but my point

is that we all we shouldn't have to lose a job

to say, what is it that we really want to do?

And even if you can't stop immediately to

do that, that doesn't mean you can't do some things to prepare for

that. Do you know? So if it if you wanna, you know, wanted

to get your degree, you can take a course. Right. Do you

know? Do some other things that you and so you become

happier, you know, in your let your present life,

you know. And I think that's so important because, you know,

when my husband and I got married, we eloped.

But 4 days after we got married,

I said to him, you know what? This isn't gonna work.

I'm not gonna be the woman who says I gave you the best 25 years

of my life. This you know? I mean, you know? And he just looked

at me like I lost my mind. He goes, what are you talking about?

And so we talked out because somehow or other, when we got married, we

triggered we we channeled our parents. Suddenly, we became

our parents, which is not who we were. So, you know, even though I've

been married 52 years, like I just told you, we had 5 or 6

marriages along the way because we've changed. And I think

part of that change is getting closer to you know, we made

decisions to get us closer to where we would like

to be. So if you were going to give somebody some steps,

you know, one of the things that you talked about is that being in an

executive, you know, they knew what to do there. It was the

the the other part. And change doesn't happen in a

vacuum. When you make a change, it affects everybody around you.

And I think for entrepreneurs, it's the same. Entrepreneurs are the

executive. They're the CEO of their business. And so it

is the family stuff, the personal stuff,

that brings the friction because, you know, you you've got blinders on and you're

work work work work work work, and and so stuff starts to

happen. So what have you learned that

entrepreneurs can use to get their life more in balance or, you know,

warning signs that they may be in trouble with the, you know, with their

family? Well, I I think

business is important. Making money is important. We all need money to

live. But when it becomes your priority and you're no

longer you're no longer able to

spend quality time, I I'm not worried about quantity time.

I'm worried about quality time with your partner, with your

spouse, with your kids. That is eroding that

relationship. And so as much time as you put in your business,

think about what is your business of being a a parent, a

partner, a spouse. You gotta have that business going

as well. So there's got I don't believe in work life balance. I don't think

it exists. There are days when I get up at 6 o'clock in the

morning, and I work through until 11 o'clock at night. I mean, it

just happens. But somewhere, you've gotta you've gotta make that relationship

work, so spending time with your spouse and kids. And then I think

and I would have never said this 10 years ago, but I'm saying it now.

Doing some kind of meditation,

mindfulness exercise, something. Even if it's

just, listening to, like, an app for 2 minutes that guides

you through a breathing exercise, like, whatever or or doing it on your own

if if you're able to do it on your own. I haven't quite reached that.

I still use the guided stuff. But when you can do

that, you're just much more present when you're at your business or when you're

at your home. And I think the last thing is

to realize that when you're starting to feel stressed and overwhelmed,

reaching out and getting whatever support you need, maybe it's from your

church, maybe it's from your partner, maybe it's from a

coach, maybe it's from a therapist. Whoever that

person is, that doing that early

has a way bigger return on your investment than waiting until,

you you know, your relationship falls apart or you're feeling like you just,

you know, you've got no energy, you've got no mental clarity, you're

you're making dramatic mistakes at work,

those kind of things, if you get help early, you're going

to protect yourself, you're gonna protect your relationships, and you're gonna protect your

business. I you know what? I couldn't agree with you more.

I I have done all those things. I have got had a therapist. I've had

you know? And I've also had drugs. But, you

know, like, you know, for anxiety and stuff like that.

Right. And I think that one of the things that

I think entrepreneurs don't realize

is downtime is not really downtime.

Downtime is kind of a reset time. It lets you

reset. If you don't have some space, it's really hard to be

creative. If you don't, you know I mean, sometimes just going

for a walk clears your brain. I always go say, if I don't see the

ocean, you know, every year, I feel like, you know, things

are not right when the fall happens. And I think the thing is

finding ways that you can share things. Right? So

my thing is, my kids always laugh at me and they're adults. You

know, we have a family call and they're they're they

got to the point, they were like, mom, we don't wanna hear about business. Right?

And so finding communities where you can have your, you

know, have your ideas and stuff like that is, like, the best thing that you

can do. I mean Yeah. Just so that you have an outlet and people

who have solved the problems that you have, asking for help is not a

weakness, it's a sign of strength.

So I, you know, I absolutely agree with me. So before we

run out of time, you've got a freebie for us. Right?

Yes. I have, it's a journal, the resilience building

blueprint, and it's a great tool. It's not related to

divorce at all. What it is all about is it walks you

through it's a 28 day plan, and it every day, it gives you a

specific activity to do that like, maybe,

you know, hold open a door for somebody at at a grocery

store or at a restaurant. You know? So it's something simple like that. And

then it asks you to talk about what that experience felt

like for you at the time. And then at the end of the day, there's

a reflection question that goes a little bit deeper about how can

you how did you know, how was that experience going to help you build

resilience, make you feel more confident, make you feel more connected. So there

it's a it's a guide to walk you through that, and it goes 28 days.

You can do it every, like, one a day, or you can just do 1

you pick one day and do one activity a week and spread it out over

a much longer period. Entirely up to you. That's

fantastic because I think, you know,

I think you need to add something. You need to add an ingredient in to

make a change. Because if you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna keep getting

what you got. So that is fantastic. Alright. So I have a

question for you. We're talking about adding things. Okay.

So so when was the last time that you did something new for the first

time? About 3 weeks ago.

And do you wanna know what it was? Oh, absolutely, if you're willing to

share. I booked on a cruise

and didn't know anybody. I it was a conference thing on a cruise. It was

a training thing on a cruise, and I booked myself on a cruise. I've

never been on a cruise before. I had no idea what it was. I didn't

know anybody that was gonna be in this training, event, and I had the

most phenomenal experience. Fantastic. I happen

to love cruises, so, you know, I'm I'm all in on a cruise. Alright.

So I can't believe that we're out of time

because we've got so many things in common that we can talk about. We, you

know, we we didn't even touch on what I call a situational

awareness, you know, when you when you, you know, that when you're

making a decision, you need to kinda figure out, you know,

what you can do, because I don't think you can do everything at once. I

mean, that's just my own personal thing. So

alright. So just to take us out of here, you know, I need to

remind everybody, please subscribe, to

this podcast and engage with it on social

media. And, you know, the reason I do this is it's

my way of giving back to the community because I wanted to I want you

to have lots of ideas that you can work on. And

so I'm so glad that you joined me, and even the

tiniest shifts can yield monumental transformations. And if

you haven't listened to the first episode, you should because that's where

we dive into the world of bold vision and innovative possibilities.

So, Mardi, do you have any last words you want people to remember us

by? Oh, I think I think that I

love that thought that you had about surrounding yourself with a community of

people that can help you get into a a mastermind, work

with Yvonne, all that kind of stuff. Because when you're around people that are

creative and supportive, you just flourish, whoever you are,

whatever you're doing. Fantastic. Thank you so much for that. I love

that. So remember, change is simple, but it's

not always easy. And as Marnie talked about, you know, being it

requires courage and resilience, and a willingness to step

out of your comfort zone. And that sometimes can be hard because we've

taken a long time getting comfortable. And so stepping out, it

does take courage and resilience. And so I hope you will join me

again next week for the one small change and see who we've got

for you. But until then, stay curious.