Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the importance of open communication and avoiding game-playing in relationships. They touch on the challenges of miscommunication and the need for honesty and understanding. They also explore the dating scene for people over 40 and the importance of maturity and clarity in relationships. The conversation highlights the need for mutual respect and acceptance in order to build a strong and healthy relationship. In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the importance of being genuine and avoiding game-playing in relationships. They emphasize the need for honesty, vulnerability, and building each other up. They also touch on the negative effects of manipulation and the value of loyalty and commitment. They encourage listeners to focus on finding someone with good qualities and to stop looking for something better around every corner. Ultimately, they advocate for being decent human beings and creating meaningful connections.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my cohost always the coughing Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm so sorry. I'm good other than I can't talk right now. I'm trying to cough.

other than your coughing. It's okay. Look this. Nah, that's what makes this show the best. I mean, I could probably edit it, but now everyone's going to know you coughed anyway because we've been talking about it. So might as well just let it. Nah, we don't do that on this show.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You should edit that, that sounded horrible.

We can start all over. Sorry guys, I was trying to turn off my microphone but...

That's just more editing for me. I'll just let that shit ride. You know how many things I let go on this show? Tons. Ah, boy. And has that gotten you in trouble yet by not listening? I think.

Yeah, I don't know, because I don't listen to it.

Oh yeah, several times, yeah. Like so many times I don't even know what to say anymore.

I think it's funny too because I do listen to the show and must not catch stuff sometimes. So like I said, I watch it. I listen to it again on the way to work generally Wednesday mornings. And I've been in the car and said, you know, listening to something and said to myself, I go, I am so in trouble and I know I'm going to get a text message over that. No, because...

And do you?

I think the person that I'm generally talking about, she's very good about things and I think she can read between the lines of what I'm really trying to say. Thank goodness.

Hmm Yeah, what the first time it happened to me it was one of my really good friends and I guess I mentioned certain friends that I had been friends with since like the age of two and I was an adult when I met these friends and she's like are they any better than me? I was like, oh shit I didn't even I didn't say anything like that But I get how people could could get you know hurt by it, but that wasn't my intention

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I kind of cleaned it up in the next show, so.

Yeah, like I told you, like I said something out of context or that I thought was true and it wasn't and she was nice enough to tell me about it the next day, right after she listened to it.

And look, and like I've told you before, I have no problem saying that I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I'll come on the next week and I'll say it. And in this case, I was and I said it and look, she's very good about talking to me about things that if it's taken out of context or I thought something that wasn't right, look, she'll say it. I think that that's good.

Mm -hmm.

You know, I've noticed though, in all the time that we've been doing this podcast, that neither of us ever come from a place where we're trying to belittle somebody or make them wrong or make fun of them. I've noticed that you and I try to really be cautious about that. And I think that that's good.

Correct. Yeah, I agree. I think that there's a lot to that, right? We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I think we're generally telling stories of our past. And look, some of the stuff that we... What I'm saying is that some of the things from the past that we have talked about are literally 30 years ago. So...

or things that we go through, yeah.

And since we don't say names of people, some people may think it's them and it's not. And I think that's another thing that will come in time. Like, look, if I'm saying something that just happens to make you feel like it's you, then we have a chat about it. And nine times out of 10, the person that I'm talking about is talking about her. So I have no problem. I wear those stripes on my sleeve.

If I'm saying something, I'll I have no problem with that. So.

Yeah.

I kinda, I'm really trying to not put people's shit, but how I interact with them, that's my story and that part I think I should be able to talk about. With discretion, you know, there's some times where like everybody would know that it's a certain person. I'm not trying to call anybody out, not intentionally, so whatever.

Mm -hmm.

It happens. I guess that's part of having a podcast to like, it's going to be said.

Yeah, for sure. Exactly. Exactly. And like I said, there's no, I don't think I say anything out of trying to, no, no, no, for sure. And I think that that's part of the thing as well is that you have to just go with the punches. I think that if...

No malice or anything.

Mm -hmm.

this person was my significant other and I would probably be, I would walk a little more lightly just because that's a little more close to home. But you know, that would come with time. So I don't think that should.

When you're in a relationship, there's a lot of things that need to be held in between the two people having the relationship always there always is but I feel like me being single I could say whatever the hell I want to because I'm not with anybody. I'm not you know, there there's There's sacred things between friends obviously that I don't I would never say like I would never tell you the story about no But um, I

Mm -hmm.

Correct.

Mm -hmm.

Right.

But being being that I'm single I feel like it's my life to talk about so I I try to be careful

Yeah, and that might be a good segue to what we're going to talk about today because my friend down the street, I asked her like, hey, like, what do you think we should talk about? Because we get blanked in the head just as much as anybody else and not knowing. So I was like, hey, like, what do you want us to do a show on? And.

Yeah.

She, I'm not gonna read the whole thing because it's very descriptive, but she said, dating over 40, people need to grow the F up and stop playing games. She goes, because nobody's gonna wipe your butt when you get old. And.

Mmm.

Well, I'm hoping nobody has to ever wipe my ass. I'm praying for that, but I get what she's saying for sure.

I mean, don't we all?

Yeah, and I think that there's something to that. And I thought we talked off the air about how we should go down this road. And I think we should talk about the the pre relationship. So the dating aspect of playing games and then the the relationship part of that playing games. So yeah, I think there's something to that.

Yeah, absolutely. You have to, uh, I think that the, the only way that I, I don't know, I noticed that when, when I was dating, that it seemed like a lot of people were interested in getting to know a person just enough to have sex with them and then no more. So, I mean, that could really be a short ass conversation if that's all that they're wanting to do. And, and I found that like,

I don't know, a lot of people aren't an adult in their mind yet, even at 40 or at 50, you know, they're still like doing what they would have done in high school. Well, when you're in high school, your libido is different. When you're in high school, you don't have the experiences, but being that you're in your 40s now, you should definitely know what you want or not want, or at least be honest enough to tell the person that you're with.

Yep.

Correct.

for sure that that shouldn't that should never be a it should never even be a thought to not be I mean communication if you can't communicate by 40 you shouldn't be dating anybody anyway right

Yeah, yeah, I think so. And I think, you know, since we're talking about the dating stage, I think, look, if, like you said, if you're only in it for one thing, there's, or there's apps for that, right? There's like Tinder, I guess would be the, I mean, I don't know about anymore, but I know way back in the day, quote unquote, that was like the hookup app.

Just say that.

Oh, yeah, there's that too.

I thought Plenty of Fish was a hookup place.

I mean, that could be, I don't even know about that one, so.

I never got on it either. That's just what people have told me.

So, you know, or I mean, if we really wanna go down the line, that would kind of still be bar culture, right? If you're going to bars and meeting people, your desired mate is, you know, you're more likely to hit the people who are just wanting to have sex, right? More of a meat market. Or at least, again, I'm talking out of my rear end about what, because I don't know, I don't do that kind of thing.

You know, what's funny is I've been to a, I've been to a few bars in like the more recent past and I, I've looked around and thought, people talk about meeting people at bars and I can't find not one person that I'm attracted to when we're in a bar. Like the way they, the way they act or their mannerisms are a little bit different or it looks like they're looking for something. You know, it's, I, I haven't gotten a vibe from a person that I'd be like, Oh, I'd

I'd go and talk to that person or oh, I don't know how people meet in bars or maybe you got to get really drunk and then go from there. I don't know.

Okay.

Right. And for me, maybe it's just a certain time period. The last two times I've been in a bar, I was with my friend and we were just kind of hanging out. And so like we were literally talking like about life. So we were, it was more of a catch up day, even though we talk, but like talking in person, I think is still totally different than texting each other about what's going on in life. That there's something about eye contact and like I'm a listener.

Yeah. Right.

So like, I really get involved. I want you to know that I'm listening and I give a shit. So, but, but I was in a bar, uh, one, the one time I met her was during the week and it was, I was pretty shocked. Like it was pretty crowded and it was like five 30 or six o 'clock and it was pretty good. And, and there's a little local bar around the, around the, like literally around the block from me. I could walk there in like five minutes and,

Mm -hmm.

So did you see anybody that you would go up and talk to when you were there? Think about it.

I mean, I was with her. I mean, maybe. I really didn't look around because like she was already had a seat at the bar. She already had one waiting. Like I really literally came in. We had a couple of drinks and then she had things to do and then I went home. So like, it was more of a mission. Like she was like, hey, I'm around the corner. Do you want to meet up? And I was like, yeah, let's go. And we talked. And again, it's...

I'm going to say something that sounds really horrible, but I like her, so I really wasn't looking around the bar for anybody. But, I mean, sure.

Yeah, I always look to see what people talk about when it comes to bars, because I'm really in them so rarely. And when I do go, I'll normally sit and play some pool, which I suck at, or I'll watch my friends play pool. And I like darts. I'll go and sit and throw a few darts around. I really like that. So I don't have a lot of experience, but I...

Okay.

because of things that we've talked about on the podcast and because we've talked about dating and different things like I am looking around and trying to observe something that that we didn't do for the last like You know 30 years because we were in different situations. So I I did make a note of that going yeah, this is not where I I'd go to pick up on somebody or to find somebody it's just not my They're not my people not that they were bad not that they were wrong. I just felt like there's

Right?

Maybe it was just the bar that we were at. Maybe it was the time of night I was at. I don't know.

Exactly.

Yeah, because I asked her about this local bar and when we went in, I would say that it was more 30s, 30s and 40s. But she even told me, she's like, if you come here at 10 o 'clock, it's young people. Like more of a warning to me. Like, just like don't roll over here at 10 o 'clock at night, you know, on a regular day, because it's pretty young. We also went to an...

And it depends on the night too, I'd imagine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure. On the weekends, I'm sure it's all young people or a mix of people, I guess. And then we went down to this other little bar that she knew of, which was like...

a hole in the wall like it's tiny, but we played pool and her son knows my son and we all actually met down there, which was kind of an interesting night that we all got to hang out with each other. But I can see that, I mean, barflies are barflies, right? There are people that that's their thing. And I think that the men and women that frequent bars are...

aren't looking for a relationship. At least that's what I would think. Because I've tried to put myself in that space that if that's who I was, that's what I would be there for. And not to say that you can't meet someone. That's not what I'm trying to say. I just think that you're probably gonna meet more people that are game players or trying to play a game on you. You know what I mean?

Mm -hmm.

It's just not where I can see a relationship cultivating. But I think even dating apps, you're gonna run into people that are game players. They're gonna talk the talk and talk the talk until they get what they want and then...

Well, absolutely.

Well, and that's the thing, like if if you're dating and you're in your 40s or your 50s or whatever, anything over 40, aren't you past the games and the bullshit? Like, aren't you wanting she like ----- talked about?

I lost my train of thought. Who talked about the game playing and all that stuff. But at that age, there should be like, aren't you done with it? Haven't you found something better to do with your time? Aren't you tired of it? You know, like wiping, that's what I was going to say, wiping your ass. Like you, I think as I have gotten older, I look for somebody that I want to be close to. I'll look for somebody that I want to be around. Somebody who...

entertains me a little bit not not that I need a circus monkey or anything, but you know somebody that I just enjoy being around them and and Sex absolutely there should be that part of the relationship too but as you get older and libido's change and health problems arise and stuff like you And if sex has to stop like you better like that person you're sitting next to because if you don't like

Right.

that you can't get up to go anywhere and you got this person who won't wipe your ass and you're having to live with them? That doesn't sound fun either.

Right. There has to be way more to things. And the less games you play getting to the relationship, the better. Right. I mean, I just don't think I think a lot of people, unfortunately, and this is of all ages. But if you're in your 40s and you're still wearing a mask. On a date and you're like trying to be something you're not, you're for one.

Mm -hmm.

once you get to the relationship status, then the games even open up more because now you have to cover things up or act differently when you're not. At least for me, I'm very open about kind of like who I am. Like we've talked about it before, both of us are pretty outgoing and...

wear who we are on our sleeves. And I like that. You know, my friend down the street, she was in a relationship with somebody that, again, I could go on and on, played a lot of mind games with somebody and the narcissistic behavior is out of control. But even the surface level shit that she had told me, like, she's got a potty mouth. She does her best not to, you know, swear.

But every blue moon she'd drop a F bomb or a C bomb or you know, whatever, just she would say something. And this guy was so like, well, I tried to run her down over it. Like, I can't believe you talk like that. And that's so one lady like.

Oh, come on, it's California. Everybody talks like that.

That's kind of what I was thinking. This was also the issue, I don't know if I told you or if I said it on the pod before, but I probably did, that he complained that there were bras hanging on the back of the door. And I was like, and I guess this person has children and not young ones, that if you haven't walked in and there's something hanging on the back of the door, I lived with three women at one point, like my ex -wife and her.

Teenage daughters there was always something either on the back of the door Still on the floor because they left it after a shower And these were girls and they're good generally good about that. My son right now is horrible They're still underwear on the floor after a shower to this day and and you know, he's only 21 Hopefully he'll grow out of that because if he doesn't there'll be a girl telling him to clean up his shit but

up your drawers, yeah.

I think that these are the things and like to me, he tried to use those type of things as a weapon. And to me, that's game playing. You're just playing a game like you're.

Nothing should be a weapon. Like if you're living with a person, they should be able to be so open with you, like incredibly open as you should them. Like my friend always says, I would never live with somebody I couldn't take a crap in front of. Now I still can't take a crap in front of anybody. I need a minute. Like just let, can we keep some things to ourselves? I'm okay with you going and doing that on your own. Like I would like some peace and harmony to do that on mine.

Right.

Right.

But you know, if we're both just brushing our teeth trying to get ready for work, that's not a big deal. You know, but when, when I was married, we never like went into the other bath, like once the showers were done, I was in one bathroom. He was in another. There was no, and I would say, open the door. I got to tell you something. He's like, no, I'm not opening it right now. Like it's just not going to happen. And, and.

Right, I agree.

Right.

No, right.

for way less than taking a crap for sure, but that's just how it was. And I found that I was okay to leave that, like, you know, to him. Like I didn't, and I didn't want him to see me doing it either.

Right. It's funny because I was just talking to her about that. We were, I was saying that like when you're comfortable with people, right, in a relationship and, and look, I had only one full bath that had a shower where, when I was married and, and my ex -wife had no issue. She'd walk in, I was sitting on the toilet all the time. I'm like, look, really?

Mm -hmm.

And, and again, like, I hate to say that like, oh, there was kids and we were doing stuff and they're in a hurry and sometimes you have to. And my friend goes, whatever ever happens, I'll never ever walk in on you taking a shit. And she goes, don't ever do the same with me. Okay. Sounds fair. Um, but, but these, but these are things where like, I think, you know, once you get into the relationship, right. The, the game still.

Please don't. I'm okay not.

are being played like things like that. If like, you know, the person you're dating and

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you're with a girl who says the F word, she said it long before you were and you were okay with it, then don't change your mind. Now, to me, that's the biggest game of all is when you're dating, you know, the person you're with, they've acted this way since you've dated them. And now that you're in a serious relationship, you want them to be different. Like, um,

Mm -hmm.

You want them to be different. Yeah.

I've seen it with people where they complain about the girl now that she's showing too much skin. Like, are you gonna wear that out? You're showing your boobs all the time. Look, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that she dressed like that before you guys were a serious item and you had no problem with it. So, and here's the funny thing and...

Mm -hmm.

I kind of said something and she's like, yeah, you know me. And I go, yeah, you're the, and not that she doesn't dress pretty, but she's definitely not a skin show. She's not going out of her way to look slutty, like by a long shot. I think she's.

Yeah.

but she's not playing Jane. But anyway, in between, like for me, I've told her too, I go, yeah, I would probably be pushing you to look sexier, because I like that. Like, I want you to look pretty on my arm. I wanna be proud of the person that I'm with, and I have no problem with that. But I'm also good with...

I know that you're going home with me, so let them look, more power to them. Like, let them be jealous. They're going, you're going home with me, so what do I care? I'm, I guess I'm just good with myself. Once I'm in that kind of a relationship, I don't need to play that game of you can't dress like that. And only that.

Yeah, I don't think I don't think people though what we're talking about even get to that stage, you know, game playing is just from the get.

I mean.

I think you'd be surprised though, some people do get to that and then the flood gates open. I've heard of that. I know people who ended up getting married to people that, I mean, in close to me, in my family, that we went to a concert, I was going with this person and his wife.

He's related to me and I guess during their courting stage they had a good old time We went to a concert and when I showed up she was in a cat suit that was Pretty much painted on and He's literally went to her and said you're not wearing that and this was a kiss concert. This was like a metal show where

looked exactly like that.

Oh wow.

Mm -hmm.

the insecurity of the person that we're talking about, maybe at the time that there was more happening behind the scenes that I didn't know about. But some of those things don't come out until you're in a relationship where you feel that you're locked in. And again, maybe I'm just a little different because like, again, here's the thing. If you're gonna go out with your girls and you're gonna dress a certain way,

I have the trust in you to understand what you're doing and to take care of yourself. Like, I'm also not one that says that, you know, if a girl dresses in a short skirt and a low top that she deserves to get, you know, verbally accosted.

Custard, yeah.

I mean, not even just physically, even verbally, like, hey, you look good, you know, or if you go, okay, thanks, you know, I'm taken. After that, things go sideways, but I guess I'm just okay with myself. Like, all right, cool. But, and if we're together even more, to me, that's just more game playing. That is now.

That's now changing because you think that your own insecurities are now taking advantage of you. And then that turns into more game playing of, you know, saying this about this or you're doing this or there's just too many of those psychological games that are being played now. And who wants that shit?

Yeah, I don't, I don't, there's no doubt because I've always been very independent and I couldn't imagine somebody telling me what to do or what to wear just as much as I don't want to tell somebody how to do their hair. I remember when I was, when I was married, I used to tell my ex all the time, you need to cut your hair, but he had a very corporate job and he, you know, he, it just didn't look well with how he had addressed to even go to work and.

Right.

Right.

Maybe and now that I look back I was probably being an asshole I wanted him to look a certain way because I was also a hairdresser and wanting things to be different and and I should he shouldn't have listened to me like looking back he shouldn't have he should have just said shut up I'll do whatever I want to do but when you're married to a hairdresser it's a little hard to do that like you know what you're getting into when you're with them but but now I because I don't want anybody telling me what to do with my hair.

Right.

Right.

Right.

I'm like, don't tell me what to do with mine. I won't tell you what to do with yours. And, and I've been really cool to not tell anybody what to do with their hair or to like come up with anything and you know, you want to grow it out, grow it out. If you want to keep it short, keep it short, but do me a favor and try to like look attractive. I mean, if you could just do that, like do whatever you want to with your hair, like, but put your best foot forward.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

And what I see now is like people do things out of spite. Like, God forbid I told somebody, you know, oh, cut your hair, because they would have grown it out. You know, and I don't, who wants that? Just to spite me? You know, just, because somebody asked my opinion, of course. But again, that's not playing games. That's letting a person be who they want to be, who they need to be, who makes them happy. And ultimately, when you're with somebody, you don't want to play games. You want them to be happy.

Right.

Because if they're happy with you and you're happy with them, you got a happy start. And that's how it should be. Does certain things, you know, if they don't keep up with certain things, drive you crazy? Of course. Am I one of those people that would be driven crazy? I'm probably one of the worst. But again, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to control things anymore. I don't want to, I'm not looking for somebody to be a baby daddy. I'm not looking for the eternal.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

like love that I'm supposed to have from the time I'm 18 on like all this all the things that different stages that we looked for I'm not there anymore like I never thought I was gonna be single at 53 years old and and what does that look like now that I'm thinking about it I just want to be with somebody I could be happy with and have fun with and and we could be in the same room and just be okay like that's more what I'm looking for not somebody that I could travel with you know just somebody I want to be around because I think at this stage of life I

That's what we should be looking.

Yeah, it's about building relationships, right? And I think the more you are playing a game, and however you want to define that, because I think there's many different ways of playing games with people, they're not going to lead to anything serious. They're always going to lead to the downfall of a relationship. Because you feel like, okay, I can take it for a little bit.

Mm -hmm.

I can take it for a little bit. And by the time it gets to that peak, you're done. And this is again, I'm gonna give you the manly side of this. We play more games than women.

Hmm, I don't know

Oh yeah, without a doubt, I think. Because we are doing those things. Like to me, there's a small game playing where women aren't likely to go, oh, you're gonna wear that. Or are you sure you wanna dress like that? Or you think? Really? Oh, okay. Maybe I'm just, I don't know, I just.

Oh no, women do that. I've been wanting to do that a lot. Yes. Yes. But I was married to a fashion victim and, and he would agree. Like when I met him, it was, he was a mess and he didn't care. I cared. That's why things had to change. I told him I kind of grew animalized all of his clothing just to kind of...

Yeah.

All right. Well, don't get me wrong.

I think men generally are, you know, we see comfort as being style. You know, we're very Joe Dirtish, right? We can cut the sleeves off of something and be like, what? It looks all right. Yeah, and don't get me wrong. Like I'm all down with, if I, the next girl I date, I hope she says, I like you in this, because I think there's something to that. Look, even if...

Oh, I hate that look.

If my girl comes to me and says, Hey, I bought you this shirt. I'm damn well wearing it because she is going to think I look good in it. And if, if I look good in it, things are looking up well, and, and on the flip side of that, right, there might be some loving, there's going to be some caressing. You're going to kiss more. There's, there's things to that. Like if I feel good about myself,

She's gonna be happy with you, yeah.

That's also somebody that's looking out for you and wanting you to put your best foot forward. And that's, that's a big deal.

for sure because she she wants me to look good because she also cares that I feel good about myself and vice versa like I think there's something too that I know that with girls it's a little different because like let's say I would be like hey I got you this whatever that is

Mm -hmm.

Some girls are going, that's just not my style. And you go, okay, I think you'd look good in that. I know that some women are very good about giving it a shot. It would be like, okay, this isn't me and I don't think I look good in it, but I'm gonna wear this because it may, even if it's one time, you know what I mean? At least there's that. Guys are dumb. We're gonna be like, I don't look good in button shirts.

You know what I mean? And we're so have blinders on sometimes instead of just Not playing that role just because to me that's also like playing the game. It's like don't be an ass if someone gets you something you You even if you might not like it deep down inside Don't don't be a dick about it. And I think that that's also things that are like kind of game playing you're like

I have a hard time with that like, cause I do have a certain way that I like to dress. I do like my shirts a certain length. I do like everything is very particular, but if you pay attention to me, it's, it's very easy to get it, but it's funny how people don't look. I'm like, I don't wear stuff with bows. I never have. I'm not going to start now. You know, I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not a tomboy. I'm somewhere in the middle, but.

Mm -hmm.

Right.

Yeah, I don't know. I you know, I I felt I feel like My brother could always pick out something for me to wear if I was in the hospital and I said please come and bring me some clothes Bring me something. I got to go to I got to go to a baptism or something like straight from the hospital He would know exactly what to grab for me because he I don't know I guess because we were raised together We have similar styles we he knows what I look like and he paid attention because I had to teach him

Right, bring me some clothes.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

when he was younger, how to find stuff that he would like and how to make it work. Cause he was having problems being colorblind and you know, no fashion sense at that age. And we just kind of helped him, me and another friend of mine who lived with my brother and my parents at the time, we used to tell him what looked right and why it looked right. And we kind of gave him a class on that. And so he's good at it, but most people when they buy me clothes, I'm like, please don't buy me. Cause it won't fit right.

You know, it's something's gonna be off about it and.

Right. I think that you have to be careful with certain things too. I've learned like genes. Genes are like a, that is such a hit or miss thing. Because man, you can pick.

Mm -hmm.

And here's the thing as a guy, I think you have to be very careful. Like you said, you have to read the room. When I'm around somebody a lot, I read the room and I start looking maybe for what she might wear. Like you said, you have to learn them. If you're going out on enough dates, right? Or being around this person enough, it shouldn't be hard to be able to get them something that's close to their style that maybe you like.

Mm -hmm. But we are way off topic right now.

because.

No, but I think that these are the things that, again, like, no, because I think a lot of that comes into like game playing where, and it's the psychological game playing of like.

You've been around somebody that long and again, I'm talking like maybe a year. If you've been together a year and now they're coming to you going, I can't believe you're wearing that. Or I can't believe you say this thing. Or I don't like this person, why are you still going out with them? These are like subtle games. They're almost bread crumbing where you're leaving things behind to now the person that you're with is second guessing everything.

I had a boyfriend out of high school that did not like, we would go dancing all the time, he did not like that my boobs bounced around when I danced. You know me, I've never been one to show off much, if anything at all. And you know, I can't help it if my boobs bounce. Like they're stuck to me and I'm dancing around and I'm doing whatever. It used to piss me off because he would say something and I would look at him and I'd be like,

Mm -mm.

If you're going to be like this, go home. Because I'm not, I didn't drink. I wasn't talking to guys. I stayed with all my friends. I bounced my boobs bounced as much as the rest of me did. You know, I couldn't, I couldn't control that. You know, I just thought that that was so foolish and it was such a, it wasn't such a game to play. And it was such a, a, I felt like that's where I learned to say, you don't have a leash on my vagina.

Like you don't control my body in any way. You don't control me. I'm not, I'm not something that you own. I am something that you care for, you know, don't act like that. And I, yeah, I used to get that all the time and I was like, he, or he'd say, I'm not going with you if you were that. And I told him twice, stay home. And I took off and went without him. That caused two breakups because you know, the childish games to get played. And, and I was just like, I don't get this. Like,

Right.

boobs are gonna bounce like come on I don't tell you to keep your balls like cradled so they don't bounce

Right. I just think that I look at things again, like I'll tell you the subtle game that I've seen played. This couple was together at a beach hanging out. Someone got mad and stormed off. Instead of sitting and going, hey, explain to me what just happened. Someone got a text message and it was from somebody who...

He didn't know and the first thing out of his mouth was, oh, you're cheating on me. Okay, okay. These are such psychological games. Here's the bigger question, I guess, with our remaining time. Why are people still playing games at this age? Like, why?

I never grew up. A lot of people really don't know how to be decent human beings. They don't have the confidence in themselves to hold their own. They put people down because they feel more superior to the person when they do. I think that there's a lot of personality defects in people and they use those defects to kind of run a game against everybody else or whoever they're with.

And instead of like changing who they are, they just kind of make it a problem for somebody else. And that's where when you're in a relationship, you got to say, look, I don't do that shit. Like don't, don't mess with me. I'm not going to put up with that and mean it. Cause that's, it's important to mean it. Like you could say whatever you want to, but if you're threatening something and you never follow through, nobody's going to, nobody is going to believe you when you say something. You have to walk the walk. And for me,

Correct. Yeah.

Certain things telling me what to wear or how to look that's a quick way to get me the hell out of a situation If if you're going to if you're gonna leave me in a public place because you're pissed off at something I got a problem with that. I won't I won't stay with somebody like that you it would be like you Left me get the fuck out of here. Like you don't do that Yes. Yes when you walk away, you made it very clear and and I don't play games. I take that as you walked away

Right. Yeah, you've made your decision. Yeah.

Right.

You know, if we were fighting to the point where you needed to walk away because you wanted to hit me, that's a different story. And that's that I don't push people to that point. I look at them like, fucking hell, what is their problem? But.

different. But, but...

I'm talking about on a very small level of an issue with a text message that just blew out of proportion, but to leave somebody is crazy. You'll find it.

And if you're looking for something wrong, like those text messages, if you look for something wrong, you're going to find it. And if somebody wants to cheat on you, they're going to do it. So why put yourself in that situation? Quit being an asshole. Enjoy the time you have with the person and hope that you picked better than, you know, your last situation or whatever happened before.

Yeah.

Right. Well, and, and, you know, look, you need to nip those things in the bud very quickly. Right. Um, and again, there's a lot of stories that we could talk about that. Like I said, people stay with people for the oddest reasons. Um, my Vegas friend for one, 17 years with the same person was not happy for 17 of it, you know, so.

Mm -hmm.

There's all kinds of reasons, but I think that the games that are played, and speaking of that one, there were games and manipulations played in marriage. This was somebody who just really, really made her feel small for almost all of it. So these were manipulative games played in a marriage to keep the

person that you're with down. And again, they were in their 20s and 30s and 40s during this whole thing. But either way, I just don't see, I don't see reasons to play games because of who I am. I don't wanna be in that. So why would I wanna put someone else through it if I was the one doing it? I don't have what would be, I think, narcissistic behavior.

Hmm. Yeah, that's...

Mm -mm.

But at least from what I can tell the people who have been with very, um, clinical narcissists, let's just say that, you know, if you can read up on narcissism, some of these men, um, have borderline clinical, you know, behavior. He did this, he did this, he did this. And you can look up, you know, what a lot of narcissistic people do.

and they fit the mold. Part of those games are blaming the person even when it's their fault or not being able to take the responsibility for what happened. They always throw it back on the other things. To me, those are games. That's being, that's.

Those are major character defects that you shouldn't be with somebody like that. If you can't say you're wrong, you're never going to have a good relationship. If you can't apologize, you're never going to have a good relationship. If you're always putting somebody down, never going to be a good relationship. You know, when you're, when you're with somebody, when you've got somebody, when you're dating somebody, build them up, encourage them to be happy, encourage them to show you their...

Mm -hmm.

their funny side, encourage them to be who they feel that their best person is. And if you do that, then you will start to be the best person that you are too, which for one thing, but also you'll have a great relationship because you're not looking for what they did wrong or bad or what they're going to do or how you're going to look if they did something like who's got time for all that shit.

are.

Yeah, I also think that what you just said, you're going to find the good in people's flaws. And I don't mean like horrible flaws. I mean, the small flaws that we all have, like,

Mm -hmm.

Again, I have a potty mouth. So, you know, my friend will say something to me and I giggle my ass off because I find that humorous because I do have that sense of humor. So, it is about finding someone to be with and that she's a very person that looks don't matter, which I find utterly attractive because...

Mm -hmm.

Um, it shows that there, you know, to her, it's about the person you are. Um, and there's something to that. Um, I think that you do have to be physically attracted to people that definitely helps. Um, but I don't think it's the, the, um, nail in the coffin to somebody. I think that I'd rather be with somebody who. Uh, stimulates my brain and stimulates, because if you can stimulate that, you can do anything.

Absolutely.

Yeah, but there's also, you know what? Okay, first of all, nobody's perfect. So what is perfect, you know, as far as like for me, for me personally, somebody that's really smart. I dig that. Somebody that likes to talk and spends time like explaining things to me or talking about, or wants to hear my stories. That's sexy to me. Somebody that isn't afraid to be a good, decent human being. That's sexy. All those...

Mm -hmm.

those things are attractive to me because that's the type of person I like. And, and you, when you find somebody that does those things, you definitely don't discourage them like, Oh, well you're a pushover. You shouldn't allow this to happen or that to happen or Oh, you shouldn't do this or do that because of no, no. You as, as a partner, you shouldn't be telling your partner to do anything. You should be building them up and saying, Hey,

You know, this could be a problem for you, but go ahead and figure it out. Like do whatever you're going to do. And, and I have faith that you're going to do what's best. And when you start to put your person that you're, you're with on a pedestal like that and you encourage their, their confidence and you encourage them to, to do better and you, and you show them that you not expect it, but that you know that they're going to do that. Cause that's how good of a person they are.

When you build somebody up like that, you got yourself a really good partner. You know, you, you, you create what you want with that person by being who you are. And if they're going to game playing play, if they're going to, if they're going to try to change things, you're not with the right person. You want somebody that will appreciate that in you and will, and will look at it like it's something substantial and good for you, not something that you screw around with.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that the game playing is also manipulation. And if you're manipulating somebody, all you're doing is playing games. To me, she said something during the text message that I did find funny. We're older now. And if you play games, you're going to end up alone. And I think...

cell manipulation.

Mm -hmm.

You know, you're going to be want to be with somebody that's going to, you know, at some point wipe your butt because you can't do it anymore. Or when your dick doesn't work, she's still going to love you because she loves to be around you. There's something to that. We, we as humans, and I mean all ages need to stop being so manipulative. Be upfront.

And quit looking like there's something better around every corner and start working on you being better around every corner, because that's part of the problem. You're looking for something better to what, fix your broken pieces?

Yeah, well, and yes, and here's the other thing. I talked about somebody off the air. There's a book by this guy coming out. He's a really good writer, but he said something. He goes, look, if you're going to end up in a relationship with somebody because you're like, I'm never going to find anyone better. He goes, what happens when you find someone better? Because there may be somebody out there.

The whole point that you want to be in a relationship with somebody is because you want to be in a relationship with that person and you want to build a relationship with that person. It doesn't matter if someone better comes along. You've chosen to build a relationship with this person. If you're not in it for that and you're playing games every five seconds, you're a horrible human being. Get in it for the right reasons. Stop playing games.

and build something, not continue to feed something because it's good for you. And then when it takes a shit, you blame the other person when they've been playing games.

There's something to be said for loyalty and there's something to be said for sticking it out. You know, those are traits that I look at. My dad, when my mom, when I was about 18, my mom was such an asshole that my brother and I being 16 and 18 went to dad and said, you know, you could leave now, dad. You don't need to put up with this. Like she's being horrible to you.

And he looked us dead in the eye both of us and he said I made a commitment to your mother to live with her until the day I die or she dies And that's what i'm gonna do. So we're gonna have to figure this out And and try to be better well She got worse because of the brain aneurysm because of the drugs and everything that she was taking and and she really wasn't Wasn't nice and kind to my dad for a long long time and um

He still never left and to this day he'll say, but I didn't leave. I showed up. I was there. I didn't let go. I did what I was supposed to do and I don't have any regrets and I think about that and I think, you know, that's a cool place to be. Like no matter what happened, he doesn't have any regrets that he didn't do the right thing. Cause in his mind, the right thing was to stick it out. The right thing was to take care of her. The right thing was to be there. And I,

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I admire him for that because you know I I grew up with a lot of friends whose parents aren't together and they could give a shit you know but my dad was like that's important to me that I do the right thing and show you guys that you need to do the right thing too. Whatever the right thing is he said I'm not telling you the right thing is to always stay because I look back at my life and think it could have been a little bit better had I not you know put up with so much from your mom but he said to this date I've never loved anybody as much as I did her either. So...

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

There's something to be said for for making things work and and being vulnerable Be vulnerable in a relationship if somebody sticks it to you, that's their problem. That's not yours Be vulnerable take a chance, you know, look for somebody though. That's got good qualities That's that's the start like if you see all these people that are coming at you and they're jackasses from the get -go Let the door keep hitting them in the ass on the way out

Mm -hmm.

Correct. I just saw a meme here and I'm gonna take out the gender because I think for this show it'll actually make more sense. But it says, you show a person you'll stay with them through anything and they'll just keep putting you through anything. So if you continue to let people play games with you, they'll keep doing it.

So at some point you have to stop the game playing on both sides. It's not a man or a...

But then there's also, you need to show a person that you're truly committed for that you'll be there for anything too. So I have a hard time with that because that could go either way.

Yeah, no, I agree. There's just a lot to, I mean, all of this, I think. But we're older. Stop game playing. Be upfront with people. Stop looking at it like it's a...

Mm -hmm.

some kind of transactional thing. It's not what it is.

Well, we need to get back to women believing that men actually have worth. That would be a start because I think that men play games because women have kind of put them in a situation where they have no value and they do. They have a lot of value and we need to start getting back to that and men, we need to let them know that like you will be alone and it will be lonely and it will suck.

That could be.

The grass isn't always greener. Everybody's a mess Everybody's got problems what you want to do is you want to find somebody whose problems you could deal with and and the type of person that they are you want to be able to deal with that too and then See how far you could go with that like see what you could overcome see how far you could get it, you know and and try to be better than what you're Accepting right now for yourself and for your dating

Yeah, I agree. Just for me, it's is look, love's not a game. Stop using. Stop looking at it that way. It's there's so much more to relationships than, you know, some kind of trying to one up somebody using some, you know, stupid game or I don't know. I just think that it's there's much more to relationships and we're older.

You know, grow up. You should have grown up 20 years ago. I think there's... And if you haven't, you've probably been... You think the game has worked for so long, you're gonna try it on someone who's 40 and they're going to put you in check. I think that the people who know gaming, you know, know the game -manship, they're gonna eat you alive. And...

Everybody knows it by the time they're 40 though. It's like it's time to come clean and be real at that point, you know

Yeah, and if you're not, get out. Go find someone that is willing to be worked. You know, there's good people out there still. And I think that all of us have been hurt on some level, all of us. Mostly the people like us who've been divorced, right? There's some kind of hurt inside that.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Mm.

just be upfront with the person that you want to be with. Or if you don't, be upfront with that too. Just stop playing the games of pulling on strings or keeping people on a hook. There's no need to manipulate people's minds for your own well -being.

You know, that's um, I always say to people, you know, we've got enough assholes in this role. Like try being a decent human being. Like just start with that. Like if you could just be a decent human being, you'll find decent human beings. You know, birds of a feather flock together. I don't know. I just don't, I just don't see this whole, um, bread crumbing and the whole like narcissistic behaviors and all the stuff that they've now branded. Um,

True. True.

Yeah, that's...

Such a waste of time like we're getting the point like isn't that a waste can't you just be like yeah I was an asshole I did that and own it and then like just own it and be a friend and and Let everybody else just be honest too. If we could start with that or just not try to Keep people down or keep them broken or make them broken like just let that shit go

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we're on a clock. I mean, right? The time is ticking. Even if you don't think it's ticking, right? The years go by very, very quickly now. I would prefer to relish in them with somebody good. I don't want to play games no more. The next relationship I'm in will be very upfront, very to the point.

Mm -hmm.

It's ticking.

with you.

And, you know, I already am a hard lover, right? When I love somebody, I love them real hard. But they'll know that that's who I am. So there'll be no manipulative games. This is me. You don't like me? Cool. There's nothing wrong with that. But I'm not going to play somebody to make them happy and me be miserable or vice versa. Doesn't make sense.

Mm -hmm.

And being jealous and possessive and looking for problems and playing games and fucking with people just doesn't make life any good anyway.

Nope, it's just one big down the toilet. And and very true. Hey, so, you know, check us out on our socials, Facebook, Instagram X. I post every week when the show comes out on Wednesdays. Make sure to check us out on YouTube music, Apple, Spotify. You can actually listen to the show on YouTube if you want to just go to the site.

That was cute.

Don't get this twisted. And share this with people. Make sure that you're, if you listen to it, copy that link, send it to somebody else, let them listen to it for the first time, and hopefully they'll enjoy us. Anything else for this week, Miss Tina?

Just have a good week, be happy. There's so much crap going on in this world, let's try to be a little bit happier and combat some of that crap that's going on.

I agree.

I'm down for that. And this is an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. For my co -host Tina, I'm Rob, and we will see you in a week. See you later, Tina.

too.

See ya.