On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about 6 powerful things that my therapist, Daphne Rose Kingma, taught me back when I was in my 20’s and living in California - that totally changed how I relate to myself and other people.

I share the story of finding an old journal from my early yoga teacher training days and the little “love note” cards Daphne wrote for me that have stayed with me for nearly 30 years.

We dive into learning how to​:

•​ Ask for what you need

•​ Notice what you’re not asking for

•​ Receive love and compliments without deflecting

•​ Honor rest

•​ Give yourself as much as you give others

•​ Have real compassion for the younger parts of you who had to grow up too fast.

If you’ve ever put yourself last, ​are an over-giver, or ​have struggled to feel worthy of ​love and your needs, ​then this one’s for you​! ❤️

KAREN KENNEY BIO:

Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.

She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self​-development, and transformational change work.

Karen helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using a variety of practical tools, personal stories, and universal principles.

She's been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been a Thai Yoga Massage practitioner since 2008.

She's also a Gateless Writing Instructor, the creator of WRITE CLUB , and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She works with clients individually in her 1-to-1 program: THE QUEST and in her HEART-TO-HEART DAY using Voxer. She also leads a group coaching program and community called THE NEST.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

It's the Karen Kenney Show. Hey, you guys,

welcome to the Karen Kenney Show. I'm wicked excited to be

here with you today. And first things first, if you are

listening to this show, hi. Thank you so much for being

here. If you're watching, let me explain a little bit about what

you're seeing behind me, and I'm only telling you all this

because it's pertinent to, like, how this show today came about.

So I'm in the middle of a major project, I've been moving like

all the bookcases and stuff. I got a new piece that's

downstairs in what I call the library. It's also aka Toby

Pajamas Room. Oh my god, Toby Pajamas is our almost 20 year

old Gingen Ninja Orange Cat. He's amazing. So he has a room

downstairs, but I call it the library. So I got a new piece -

it's like a librarian CAD catalog. I'm obsessed with it.

So I had to move all the bookcases around in my house.

So, as you can see behind me on the floor, there's all a bunch

of books everywhere, because I haven't finished organizing, but

I needed to get.. I'm like, I got to get this podcast done, so

forgive the mess. But thank goodness, thank you, baby Jesus,

for the mess, because amongst all the books, when I was moving

everything around, I found an old notebook. I have since torn

out in the notebook, all the stuff that I had written in it,

but inside the cover of this journal, right, it's like eight

and a half, I'm holding up, it's eight and a half by 11, it's

pink, it's got a big J on the front of a journal, or whatever,

but this journal has been with me for a really long time, and I

had it back in the day, even when I lived in, like,

California, I had this sucker, so this thing is like, I moved

back here, I moved back East in 1998 so that's how long, that's

how long I've had this sucker. So, in 2001 I started teaching

yoga in 1999 I got certified in 2001 at Kripalu, so the Kripalu

Center for Yoga and Health, it's out in Weston, Massachusetts, in

the Berkshires, right. And so when I went to my YTT, my yoga

teacher training in 2001 the very beginning of 2001 I took

this journal with me to write down all the stuff, and I wanted

to take some comforting words with me. I'm sure it was

something about, like, my nervous system, I was probably

so stressed out about the fact that I was going to a place that

I didn't know to live in a dorm, like I lived at Kripalu for a

whole month, like that's how we used to do it back in the day,

you would go, you would live there for a month, and I was

going to be sleeping in a dorm room with like five other women

that I didn't know in bunk beds, like the whole thing, and so I'm

sure my nervous system just wanted, like, me and my nervous

system just wanted something familiar. So, inside this

journal I have taped these six little, like, business

card-sized pieces of paper, and I'm going to tell you all about

them. I'll show you real quick. If you can't see, you can see

them all, like, taped right in here. So, just imagine on the

inside of this hard cover, I have these six pieces of paper,

and they are going to be the hot beat of what we're talking about

today. So, I don't know what I'm going to call this sucker, maybe

six fantastic things my therapist told me, or something

like that, or six like wicked helpful things my therapist told

me, or taught me. I mean, my therapist at the time, and we're

going to, I'm going to tell you a little bit about her in a

moment. She taught me way more than six things, but these were

little notes that she gave me, and I'll tell you about those in

a minute. Okay, so if you know me, like if you've been around

for a while, if you're a loyal listener, or you started from

episode one on, I think episode two, like episode two, we're now

at like episode 371 I think.

This is so way back, way back seven years ago, episode two, I

think. I, the title is something like meeting my spiritual

teacher, or something like that. So way back then, I explain how,

when I lived in LA, this I'm going to go do like super fast,

wicked like fast Cliff Notes versions of this, so way back in

the day I worked at a bookstore. Before I worked at the

bookstore, discovered a book called A Return to Love, blah

blah blah. Many of you may know, like Marion Williamson and her

book. Fast forward, when I lived in LA, she and I ended up

meeting. I'm just, you don't need all these details, that's

why I'm going to do it really fast. I ended up traveling. I

went on two spiritual pilgrimages with her, two weeks

each. One was to England and Ireland, but the first one was

Egypt. I was in Egypt for two weeks on a spiritual pilgrimage.

She was kind of leading and guiding and teaching. It was

life changing. These experiences were life changing. And then I

came home from England and Ireland, and then, like, a month

later, I went to.. I mean, I came home from Egypt, and then a

month later, I went to, like, England and Ireland again. All

life-changing. And before, during England, the England and

Ireland trip, Mary Anne and I had a long conversation.

Whatever, she ended up setting me up with somebody. Okay. Okay,

so I ended up dating this guy, and I was with him for like six,

seven months, eight months, I don't know, whatever it was, and

then we, the relationship ended, and at the end of the

relationship, Mary Ann gifted me, she, this is why we're

getting to the point, to the therapist, right, but because

she set us up and the relationship didn't pan out, she

gifted me a session with local therapist, a friend of hers,

right, who is like world-renowned, as I would say,

for being like a relationship therapist. She deeply

understands the heart of relating and love and

partnerships and all the things that can go wrong, all the

things that can happen when you have two beings who are coming

together and trying to like do relationships with one another,

you know what I mean, and her name was Daphne Rose Kingma.

Now, Daphne, here's what's so fascinating, one of the things

that I am not surprised at all about, but almost all of my

most, I mean, maybe it's all I should really think about that,

but almost all of my beloved teachers, like my teachers who

have left such a huge mark on me, they're all also happen to

be right, is no big surprise there. So, Daphne, these are

just some of her books. I'm holding up a stack of 1234567, I

know she has more than this books, right? Some of the things

are titles. This book was really fantastic. I remember this back

in the day. The men we never knew: how to deepen your

relationship with the man you love. Then there's a daily

reader, a daily of daily reflections, a gallon of love,

true love. How to make your relationship sweeter, deeper,

and more passionate, on and on and on. Finding true love,

coming apart. Oh my god, this book right here, you guys, I'm

holding this sucker up. Coming apart, why relationships end,

and how to live through the ending of yours. This book was

like a life wrath, this this thing was like a life saver to

me. All right, I felt like it was thrown to me to keep my head

abundant with water and from drowning. Okay, but here's the

thing, so I started. So, Daphne, when I lived and worked with

Mary Anne, so that's how all this happened, is I was living,

I was living in Mary Ann's guest house, and I was working for

her, right, and during that time is when the relationship with

this guy ended, and she gifted me the session, and it wasn't

just one session, I continued, I mean, I started paying for it,

but I continued to go, like after meeting Daphne, Daphne to

me had the best, like maternal energy, she saw me, she got me,

she loved me, she was so compassionate and kind. I mean,

I've never met another person like Daphne. I just adore her.

So, she was..

we were in living in Monticello, Monticello, like really Santa

Barbara, just Montecito, sorry, Montecito, which is really Santa

Barbara, but so Daphne was the one who gave me. Finally, here

we are. Thanks for sticking with me. Daphne was the one who would

write me these little cards after our sessions. They were

like little love notes to take with me, almost like homework,

you know, but in such the sweetest way. And I obviously, I

still have them all these years later, almost 30 years later,

that's how much they meant to me. So I thought I would share

these six things, because they really, really helped me, and I

think they just might be helpful to somebody out there, somebody

who's listening too. I don't know if all of them will land

with you or one of them will land with you, but I think that

they're even though they were personal to me, just like

everything on this show, you know, when people ask me, like,

what's your show about, I'm always like, how do I explain

this? I'm always like, I use personal storytelling to apply

universal spiritual principles, or things that just can really

help us when we're on this whole like being human experience and

journey, and just trying to be a better human being, trying to

stay closer and connected to ourselves, to source, however

you might define that, the spirit of who we are, and just

really trying to help us like develop more, like self

development, personal growth, spiritual mentoring,

storytelling, all of it. Right, that's what this show is. It's

about really about leaving people better than how I found

them, and spreading more love in the world, right. So I thought

that these six things might be helpful to you. Now, maybe

you'll recognize yourself in some of the habits, right. So

when she wrote these to me, I was still in my 20s, I was a

young woman, and I was still figuring some things out and

navigating the world really without parents, you know. I

didn't really have parental influence, you know. I lived

with my aunt and uncle after my mother was killed. My father's,

my stepfather, my biological father were like not really

around. I saw them occasionally, or whatever, but nobody was like

really raising me. Do you know what I mean? So, from like 12.

Of on, I was really emotionally and stuff in a lot of ways on my

own, but from 17 on, when I went off to college, I was really

raising myself, and so these, these adult teachers, these

adult women, especially, who would come into my life, like

Mary Anne, and you've heard what guys have heard me talk about

Miss Le Feb, Kayla Feb, who was one of my, you know, she's still

one of my beloved humans, who I consider one of my second moms,

but you know, Daphne also had one of those, like, mom figures

to me, as well as, like, Marianne, as well, Marian

Williamson. So, you know, I was a young woman trying to figure

shit out, and, you know, dating, I've often joked, like, in a lot

of ways, it's not that the men were the same, like they all

look different, but a lot of the patterns that existed in my

relationships and how I related to them in the world and myself.

Daphne obviously could pick these things up, so maybe you'll

see yourself in some of these things. Okay, so number one was

ask, she just wrote the word "ask" in all capital

letters, as k, and underlined it, and she said "selfish is

your new frontier. So, Daphne, for sure, recognized that I had

a tendency to not, first of all, didn't even know that I was

allowed to have needs and desires and wants and things

that I, you know, things that I want, like me having needs,

like, what are you kidding me? And then asking for those needs

to be met from another human being, or asking, I understand,

right? We have to, like, fulfill our own needs in a lot of ways,

but when you're in a relationship with somebody, man,

it is give and take, it is, it is compromise in a lot of ways.

You have to be willing to collaborate, I think of all

relations as relationships as collaborations, right?

And you know, we got to be willing to ask for what we want.

It doesn't mean that the other person has to give it to us or

even has the capacity to give it to us, but understanding that

you are worthy of having feelings, of having needs of

whatever, and then being brave enough and vulnerable enough to

ask. When she said, "Selfish is your new frontier, she's kind of

winking at me, because I would think that, "Oh my god, it's so

selfish to ask for what I want and what I need, and it was kind

of like a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, like selfish is your new

front frontier, because you have just like just assumed that you

didn't deserve things or weren't allowed to want things, because

of my, you know, and some of you may, you know, be able to relate

to this, that when you were younger, especially where I grew

up and how I grew up in the time I grew up, it's like what I

wanted to need and didn't give a shit, nobody was asking me, you

know, and I mean nobody was fulfilling my order. I wasn't

like pulling up, like special orders don't upset us. No, I

felt like all my special orders would upset everybody, so I

never asked. You know what I mean. So, as selfish is your new

frontier, so being able to speak up and use your voice and ask

for what you want and ask what you need, it's not actually

quote unquote selfish, but she was giving me permission to,

even if it was, even if I thought of those things as

selfish. She's like, "This is your new frontier, this is what

I want you to do, like this is your homework. And I started,

obviously, as I started to mature and grow, and I realized,

"Oh, that's not selfish at all, that's just called like being in

relationship and being human, and aka needing help once in a

while, so that was a really, really, really good lesson for

me, and hopefully, like I said, some of what I'm going to share

with you is going to be helpful to you too, because I know so

many women who put everybody else in their life first, you

know, and especially add on top of that, if you're a mother,

right, because then it's like now it's not just like if you're

in a relationship, or at work, or whatever, you know, a lot of

us tend to be people pleasers. A lot of us tend to circulate to

slay ourselves into whatever you need, and sometimes it's what

you know the people in our life have gotten used to, because

we've created patterns and habits of how it is. Sometimes

it's what people try to demand of us, and I think these days we

get to say, yeah, I'm at capacity, I don't have the

ability to do that, to not just like put ourselves last all the

time. Okay, so I could go on and on and on about these, but I

don't want this to be a 90 minute episode, okay? So ask,

selfish is your new frontier. She also said this to me. The

second one says at the end of each day, ask yourself. So that

first one is about asking others, right? Speak up, use

your voice, and ask for what you need. This one says at the end

of each day, ask yourself, what did I need or want today that I

didn't ask for. Oh man, that was, that's a such a good one.

What did I need or want today that I didn't ask for? And this

is such a great reflection, because the deeper part of this,

the under the under is first of all, why didn't I ask,

especially if that was my homework, is to start asking,

but second of all, um. Um, it helped me to get really clear on

what I want and what I needed, and then why didn't I ask? Was I

afraid? Because here's what it's getting at.

If I'm in a relationship with somebody where I feel like it's

all about them and it's the them show, and it's always about

them, which is a habit, like it was, you know, I had a habit, or

let's even say an attraction to dating really, really talented

and skilled people, you know, people who were used to being

the center of the universe, people who were used to whether

they were on stage or they were the best athlete or the best

musician or whatever, you know, I had a tendency to date people

who got to be in the spotlight, and I was always like the, the

consummate, like, cheerleader, right, like the best cheerleader

of all time, you know, and I'm really good at that, I'm really

good at building people up and celebrating people and loving

people, and you know, showering, like, oh my god, you know,

praise, or whatever on them, but what can happen a lot of that is

that you and your needs get put to the back burner, and

sometimes those kinds of people, not always, of course, and I'm

not vilifying people I dated, I'm just saying, right, it's a

lot of times those kinds of people aren't used to having

things be asked of them, because so much is often given to them,

so much is often assumed, and I'm not saying that they were

necessarily entitled, but you know, hey, like a lot of men in

this world, they, they are a little bit entitled, aren't

they? I mean, in fail, call space paid, kind of fail, so,

but on top of that, if you're used to being looked at in a

particular way because of how you look right, whether people

find you attractive or beautiful or hot or sexy or whatever, and

then you add a skill set and a talent on that, and you're used

to getting all this praise, and then you're with somebody who

wants things from you, it's like, wait, what? So this is

really good, because it required me to reflect on what kind of

relationships I was in, what kind of patterns and racket I

was running on myself or involved in, and why didn't I

ask for what I wanted, I needed, and also it caused me to slow

down and really ask myself, what do I want, what do I need, and

what's mine to take care of, and what is reasonable to ask my

partner, or my family members, or my friends, so maybe number

two. The end of each day, ask yourself, what did I need or

want today that I didn't ask for. Number three, oh my god,

this is another big one. You guys, it says say thank you for

each wonderful thing you receive, and then she puts in

parentheses, so it changes your brain. Oh my god, Daphne was so

fucking smart back then. You know, nowadays I was kind of

reflecting on this the other day. How maybe I'll do a whole

podcast on this, I don't know, but something, you know, it kind

of happened in the yoga world, and then it just kind of happens

where things become things become like the hot topic or the

hot new thing, right. So, yoga had been around for a really

long time, but then obviously there was this wave, there was

this wave of yoga that caught on, and then it was just like

everywhere, and this is the thing about Americans in

particular. I love us guys, and right, white people, and we have

a way of kind of like taking things, my God. We have a way of

taking things, and then just like wringing every ounce out of

it. Now, especially with the internet, it's like for the

longest time nobody was really talking about nervous systems

and stuff, except for maybe therapists and some yoga

teachers and people who did body work and you know trained and

stuff like that. Now all of a sudden everybody and their

brother is giving lectures on the vagus nerve and self

regulation and attachment, like all these things, right? It's

like nervous system this, nervous system that, and a lot

of people don't know what they're talking about.

I'm not saying I'm an expert, I mean I know, I know I've been

studying with some really great teachers for a long time, but

the reason why I'm saying that is that even back in the day,

Daphne understood about neuroscience and the

neuroscience of habit and changing my brain. Says, thank

you for each wonderful thing you receive, so it changes your

brain. So, what she clocked in me, what she saw in me, is that

I had a way of ping, ping, ping. I'm doing Wonder Woman bracelets

right now. I had this way of deflecting, deflecting not just

compliments, but deflecting love. People would be trying to

like give me things that could be anything, from a compliment

to love to money to whatever, and I would just like, ping,

ping, ping, ricochet rabbit, that shit, you know. Oh my god,

I wasn't in the habit of, I wasn't used to receiving, I was

wicked good at giving, not so much at getting, right. So she

wanted me to start to create new neural pathways. She didn't say

it this way, she just kept it really simple for my simple.

Little brain back then, right? Just say thank you for each

wonderful thing you receive, whether it's a compliment,

whether it's a hug, whether it's somebody wanted to spend time

with me, whether it was an opportunity, right? Somebody

wanted to help me and give me money, like whatever it was,

like let yourself receive it. Oh my god, I had to learn, as Robin

Dramas Tagore says, like, the capacity to receive, I had to

create the capacity to receive things, and Daphne saw this in

me, like, God, thank.. I just like, thank you so much to that

young, younger 20 year old, you know, 20 something year old

version of me who was just, just willing to listen, and that's

the thing I've always said, is when smarty pants people are

saying smarty pants things, I am smart enough to listen, and

Daphne was somebody that not only did I cherish, but I

listened to. Okay, this next one is all about like rest, okay?

She says just because you don't think you're doing anything

doesn't mean you're not doing anything. So, so often I used to

think, and she drew a little hat, she drew a little hat next

to that one. I think there was a part of me back in the day that

was incredibly restless, and I would not like to just like sit

around or be with my feelings or be with myself, because I felt

like if I wasn't doing anything, then nothing was happening, I

wasn't doing anything, you know, and I came from a very blue

collar background, maybe some of you were listening and you're

like, yeah, me too, right, it was like, must be productive,

must earn my worth, must do all this shit. Resting was not

something that we like, like even now. Like, I'm not the best

rester. It doesn't mean I can lay perfectly still, you know,

for long periods of time, right? I can be in shavasana. It's not

that I.. I'm somebody who generates a lot of energy,

right? So I can go, go, go, go, go, and I've always been able to

be still for long periods of time, like reading books. I will

be a reader to the day I die, or I can't see, and even if I

couldn't see, I'd probably start doing audio books and all that

stuff, right. I can be still now, but I think back in the

day, whether it's whatever we can say, my nervous system did

not feel safety, you know, because safe doesn't always feel

safe when you're not used to it, and being still, I was a person

who had to hustle for a really long time in my life, and yeah,

so I think that this just giving me this thing about just because

you don't think you're doing anything doesn't mean that stuff

isn't happening, and I have learned this as a writer, for

sure. I have learned this as a writer, for sure. And I think it

was, oh my god, who said it? I don't know if it was Flannery

O'Connor, I don't know, but somebody said that one of the..

I'm totally butchering this, but so forgive me if somebody knows

I have the exact quote written down somewhere, but it just came

to mind. But it's something about like that. One of the

things that writers need to be able to do, or creative people

need to be able to do, is to have the ability to sit kind of

and stare stupidly, like you have to be able to just sit and

like look out a window, sit and let your mind dream, right?

Because when you're creating and writing, you're closer to the

dream state, right, than you are to the thinking state. And so

it's like this ability to sit and to stare, to be able to be

still. And I will tell you that, and not just like still, but you

know, you could be taking a walk and you'll feel guilty because

you're out taking a walk or playing with your dog or doing

something, because you think, oh, I'm not quote unquote doing

anything, as if the thing I'm doing doesn't have value because

I'm not earning money or I'm not creating some sort of quote

unquote fucking value. Oh my god, this whole thing about

everything you need to do on the internet or in your business, in

your life, you have to create value for others. I might have

to do a whole podcast about that. So, this is also just like

another little love note, a little permission slip to me

that basically says, like, you can do quote unquote nothing,

right? And it's still, you're still doing stuff to help you to

heal, to grow, to deepen your relationship with yourself,

source spirit, whatever. That was such a huge one for me, you

know. If you haven't read the book, "Rest is Resistance" check

that sucker out too. But I love that one, and maybe Double A men

hands, if you know what I'm saying, that we've been fed the

story sometimes from our origin family of origin, sometimes from

our culture, blue collar kids, whatever. Now, don't get me

wrong, I love a hard worker, I am a hard worker myself, and

there are times when we need to let stuff breathe. And be and I

will sometimes get my best ideas, my best ahas when I'm

walking, when I'm out taking a walk, or when I'm driving. I

know some of the people always say it's when they're in the

shower, or whatever it is, but just because we're not doing

anything, quote unquote anything, doesn't mean we're not

doing anything. We could be gathering, right? We could just

be letting creativity and imagination play, and that is

really vital, and that is really important, and I don't think we

do it enough sometimes. Okay, here's the next one. This also

goes back to my capacity, I think, back in the day to over

give. I am an over giver. I would say I'm probably still in

some ways an over giver, although I have better

boundaries now. I had to work on it for a wicked long time.

Anybody else, it's not just me, right? Oh my god. So she wrote

this. This one's in blue, and she says, give yourself, and she

underlined your, she underlined this, give yourself as much as

you give them, and she underlined them, and she also

put in parentheses money as well, so she's like, give

yourself as much as you give them, oh man. so it's not just

about money, obviously. This is about how we have a tendency,

you know, and this is people like women in particular,

people, certain people in general. We have a tendency to

give so much of ourselves away, our time, our creativity, our

energy, our means, our money, whatever we do, do, do, do, do

for other people, and then we leave ourselves table scraps, we

leave ourselves bread crumbs, and we'll give away a whole

meal, and sometimes you give away your time, sometimes you

give away your attention, sometimes you give away your

body, sometimes you give away your money, sometimes you give

away your talent, sometimes you give away your ideas, right?

Maybe it's in the workplace, and people are always like, you

know, taking credit for your work, or whatever it is, but

this was like, this was like, like using practically, she

wrote it in all capitals and in blue, and underline some shit on

this thing. She wanted to get my attention, like, "Hey, give

yourself as much as you give to others, right? Like, you deserve

it too. You are worthy of your own time, attention, energy,

love, your own focus, your praise, your building others up,

all the things that you do for other people, right? Make sure

you're doing it for yourself too. I think a lot of us - I

don't like the word guilty, but I think a lot of us are

patterned and habituated into doing that, right. It's kind of

the ways we move to the world, especially again as women, and

this is a really important thing. And you know what, maybe

you won't start off, you know, giving as much as you give to

others, but, man, we got to start somewhere. And this now is

like, I'm in a place in my life, you know, I'm almost 58 where I

think, like, yeah, I mean, I do deserve my own time, my own

attention, my own resources, right? I don't have to, like,

you know, if you have guilt around whether it's making money

or doing well, or blah, but fill in the blank, whatever it is,

right? Still be generous, of course, still be kind, still

share your snacks, right? But, and there will be times, right,

especially when money is tight. I've known a lot of mothers who

are like, "My kids eat first, and I get whatever's left over,

and I start growing up as well, and hopefully that we come to a

time where you're able, whatever kind of resource it is, your own

love, give yourself as much love as you give to other people as

well. Okay, that's a really important one. And then this

last one, this again was also directed towards me in a very

personal way, but I think that it applies to all of us, or

maybe most of us. I don't want to assume things, but it says

have compassion for the 12 year old, because she's, you know, as

you guys know, my mother was murdered right when I was 12,

and she says have compassion for the 12 year old, give her a

hearing, like what she's saying to me, so this is a two pada,

and then so she's like have compassion for the 12 year old,

give her a hearing, so she's like again, if we were to look

at this from like an ifs or internal family systems or pots

work perspective, you know what she was saying to me is like

that 12 year old girl is still alive and well in there, and

she's trying to get your attention, like so you know you

need to like you need to listen, you need to listen to what these

younger parts of you, these parts of you that maybe you have

pushed into the corner or exiled, right, give them a

voice, give them. A hearing, listen to what comes up, and I

can often tell when that part of me is feeling neglected or

unheard, right? I can tell by the way, like, you know,

sometimes I'll, I'll say how sometimes I feel, I don't know,

maybe the word is whiney, or I feel a little like whatever, and

I'm like, you know, there's some younger versions of you that are

trying to get your attention, and I can tell whether it's my

attitude, whether it's my tone of voice, or what I'm getting,

quote unquote, triggered by the things that are like bothering

me, or whatever. I'm like, oh yeah, you know, 57 year old you

is not the one who's having the problem right now, it's like

these younger versions of you, and you need to listen to them,

because if you don't, they will start sounding the alarm, and

for me the alarm in my body was irritable bowel syndrome, was

anxiety, right? it was all these things that are coming up, so I

love that. Have compassion, right?

don't look at those younger parts of you as a burden,

because that's what happened when we didn't give them a

listening to, we didn't give them a quote unquote hearing,

those parts of us became burdened with responsibilities

that they shouldn't have had to do, emotional burdens, right,

mental, heavy mental lifting, trying to keep us safe, trying

to navigate, and that 12 year old girl, man, she was fucking

brave, she was, she was a lot of things, and I love her now, I

love that part of me, you know, and so I now do listen. I have

learned a lot since back in the day, since California. Okay, and

then underneath that she wrote, trust that you can learn it now

in an organic process, and I think what she was saying is

that there was so much that I was not taught, there was so

much that I didn't learn when I was younger. Again, coming from

where I came from, when I came from, at that particular time,

the people who raised me, how I was raised, the environment I

was raised in, all of those things kind of created, right,

like this identity, this person of who I was, and she was saying

to me, you know, just because you didn't learn back then how

to be fill in the blank compassionate or more kind

towards yourself or more open and receptive or more trusting

or whatever the thing was that week that we were talking about,

right, trust that you can learn it now, that just because I

think of it like Marion Williamson once was talking

about miracles and how you know miracles are always like, I'll

put it this way, miracles are kind of always flowing our way,

they're always coming towards us, and a lot of times, again,

like with my Wonder Woman bracelets, ping, ping, ping, you

just deflect, deflect, deflect, you don't think you're ready,

you don't think you're worthy, you don't see it, you're not

paying attention, you're distracted by bullshit, or

whatever, and it's not that you lose the miracles. She would

kind of put it like this: she would say it's like they're kept

in, like, by the Holy Spirit, by spirit, they're like kept in it,

like a bank account, a savings account for you until you're

ready to receive it. And I always love that idea, whether

you think it's true or not. I just love the concept that, that

it doesn't pass us by if we were not capable, if we were not, if

we hadn't created, created the capacity to receive it yet, we

didn't miss out, right? There's still shit just being held in

trust for us, for when we're ready, and trusting that even

though I didn't learn those things back then I didn't miss

out on the opportunity to better myself or to grow into those

spiritual muscles to learn those lessons of relating, or you

know, all the things, all the things that so many of us who

were traumatized kids, right, who didn't have enough time,

attention, love, money, means, resources, whatever, a lot of us

were just freaking, you know? I say we're like raw dogging it,

you know? People like, don't use that word, but it always makes

me laugh. It's like we were just out there, like dog paddling and

surviving, and trying to keep our head above water. And so a

lot of the developmental stuff that a lot of people who were

raised, maybe by parents who were emotionally mature or

capable, or even present, right? I didn't get to learn a lot of

those things, and I had to find out the fucking hard way on my

own. Clumsy as shit, just making all kinds of mistakes, and I can

look back now, and I can laugh. I mean, even well into my 30s, I

was like, what were you thinking with those choices? Sometimes

you know what I mean, but here we are, and we survived it,

guys. Here we are. That's Goonies. I wear my Goonies

shirts. Goonies never say die, so we can, we can learn some

shit. Like, up until we're.. I always say, look, if I am alive,

I am conscious, and I am breathing. I am still capable of

learning and growing and changing, so double Amen hands

to that, and that means you too. That means you too.

We have to be curious, we have to be willing, we have to be

able to pay attention to details, we have to be able to

put in the time, we have to be willing, willing, willing, and

curious. Those are two really big ones. Yes, so you guys trust

that you can learn it now in an organic process too, that it's

not too late for any of us. It's never too late to change. My

sweetie has a great song that he wrote, and that's the chorus. I

love that line: it's never too late to change. We can all do

this, and luckily we don't have to do it alone. We get to do it

together, I Okay, so I'm going to leave you with that right

now. I gotta get going. I gotta go teach a yoga class, but

here's the thing: if you are still listening, you can still

hear the sound of my voice, and you're like, I want to do some

things together with UKK. There's so many things that I'm

offering right now. I have a yoga class that I teach. I do

Thai yoga body work, traditionally known as Thai yoga

massage. For my local people here in New Hampshire, I have

Write Club, which is right now it's an in-person monthly

generative writing workshop. It's happening at the 11th Letta

in Concord, New Hampshire, on Main Street. My friend Jocelyn

Wynn, it's her writing gallery. So, once a month we meet there,

and we do a half day, a four hour workshop, and it's called

Right Club. And our next one is coming up on Saturday, june 27

which is amazing. My friend Emmeline and I, Emily Aborn, we

are doing a series of workshops on podcasting. We have three of

those suckers. Those are happening also in June, July,

and August, you can find out about all this. Like, go to my

website, Karen kenney.com and you can find everything there.

You can find out about the nest, my group mentoring program, my

spiritual mentoring program, and community. The people in it are

amazing. I love these people. I think you would too. And, of

course, I work one to one in a variety of ways with folks, so

all kinds of shenanigans happening, and if you want to

know what those are, without having to write to me or find

out online, whatever, just go, just go to Karen kenney.com/sign

up, and sign up for my newsletter, and you will get

everything sent right into your inbox, you will find out

everything that is going on, and then this this podcast will also

show up on your inbox every Thursday morning, so that's what

I got for you today. Again, if you want to check out some of

these books, you can see I'm holding up the book, Daphne Rose

Kingma, you can Google her, she's been on Oprah, The Larry

King Show, whatever, Daphne's been around, she's gorgeous too.

Look at her, this is like back in the day. These are like old

pictures, because these are old books, but she's just gorgeous,

just gorgeous. Look at my friend. Oh my god, I love her. I

love her, and I miss her. She's in California, and I haven't

seen her in such a long time, but I'm always blasting her with

love, wherever she is in the world, just like my hat, like a

little golden string is tied to hers, and it always will be. So,

if you had a great therapist, too, if you had somebody who

really took you under their wing and helped you and helped you to

discover yourself, like, how lucky are we. And she was really

my only therapist. I went to those are other stories for

others' days, but I had, she was the best of the best, and I

adored her. Alright, you guys, I'm going to wrap it up here.

Wherever you go, may you leave yourself and the animals and the

other humans and the environment and the planet better than how

you found it. Wherever you go, may you leave now. Wherever you

go, may your love, your energy, your presence, your attention,

everything, just you being there, may it be a blessing.

Bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show.

I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the

show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,

please share it with them and help me to spread the good word

and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my

upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up

and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye

bye.