Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
You're one of those people that's got a really strong sense of fairness. So you see what's not fair when you're out there in everyday life out there in the world. From a young age, you wondered why people were so unfair, so unkind and lacking understanding in different situations. But you saw it because you see the world differently. You see what others don't. But at different times, you've probably also been put down or ridiculed for standing up for people. Usually from a young age. So you doubt yourself. And you question whether you're doing the right thing.
You over thinker, you second guess yourself and you stop trusting your gut instincts. And the result is you start playing small.
And it's because of that reaction that you got from people when you were young. I took advantage of your fairness, they took advantage of you try and do the right thing where people and it wasn't reciprocated. And you might even recognize how that pattern still playing up playing out. Now what happened usually around the teenage years, you just stopped standing up for yourself because you can't be bothered fighting anymore. And that's that's negatively impacting all of your relationships. And sure, it's not to say that you don't have relationships that are good. But there are different times where because you just tolerate things. You're not standing up for yourself. Because you're trying to be fair, you're actually doing yourself a disservice. And you also know that some of those good relationships could be could be better, so much better.
And you can change absolutely you can. You can learn to trust your gut instincts again, you can learn to trust that strong sense of fairness that you have to stand up for yourself. Stand up for what you know to be true. From that gut instinct. And maybe as someone who's already started standing up for yourself, you've already started to no longer tolerate where people were taking advantage of you. To be fair, most of them don't even know that they're taking advantage of you it just been a pattern that you've been allowing for so long. So it's never about trying to make it about their fault. It's about what can you change that responsibility piece again, you your ability to respond in a way that's serving you the best, and ultimately, it will serve them the best as well. Because you can't get rescuing them. You can't keep allowing them to be the victim or the perpetrator or they're taking advantage of you. And you're becoming the victim or they're playing the victim and you're coming in rescuing them because you try to keep things fair. Let's start with examining the patterns and then looking at what you can change if you were the person in in different areas yeah Life where you were the Peacekeeper, you'd always play that certain role. And when you get tired of it, because you can only go back to the well so many times and you stop playing that role that can be hard for other people. They can react in a less than favorable way, like sometimes quite a negative way. That again, you blame yourself I might blame you as well, because you've changed, or you have changed because you're not tolerating their shit anymore. And then when things like that do happen, it's like, okay, well, then how do you make peace with that yourself? How do you continue to remind yourself and accept that you're not doing anything wrong? You're doing the best thing for you. First and foremost, which, as much as it hard for other people to believe will be the better for everyone in the long run. When everyone's ready to hear that, and there will be people in your life, when you step up and start standing up for yourself. There will be people in your life that don't like it, and will either gravitate away from you, or they will attack you. Your job is not to defend yourself, your job is not to retaliate. Your job is to look at how can I stay calm with whatever their reaction is, and continually coming back to I will not tolerate that. And how can I continue to improve. I'm not saying this will be easy, because it's not. But it's absolutely necessary for you to unlock your best future. And and it's, it's necessary for them to be able to as well, because the pattern you're running is negatively impacting them. Your change might be enough for them to realize they need to change, but it might not be too. So they'll find someone else to play the role you have. Until eventually they realize that there's something that they need to address. And they can take a lifetime and some people will go to their grave, not ever realizing it. But that's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is you and for you to adjust and for you to change your response. So that you can find so much more of those joyful times, not having past moments playing around your head again and again, creating a negative impact for you. And certainly not tolerating other people's crap. Stepping away from self blame, stand in your power with confidence not easy, but it's always worth it. There might be times as as it's unraveling, that you might go oh why did I do this? But you will always get to the point where I'm so glad I prioritize me stood up for me. Always worth.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform
