Today, we’re diving deep into the world of marriage and all the juicy bits that come with it! We’re chatting with Pastors Justin and Annette Bridges, who’ve been at the helm of the Heritage Faith Christian Center since 2007. They’re all about spreading God’s unconditional love and making sure our marriages reflect that awesomeness. We’ll explore how to be the ultimate example of love and faith in our relationships, even when the going gets tough. Plus, we’ll share some light-hearted banter about conflict and how to handle it with grace—because let’s be real, disagreements happen! So grab your favorite snack, and let’s get this party started!

> Welcome to a heartwarming episode with Pastors Justin and Annette Bridges, the dynamic duo at Heritage Faith Christian Center in Crawley, Texas. They’ve been leading their community since 2007, and their passion for loving God and loving people shines through every word they share. This episode dives deep into the essence of marriage, emphasizing that it’s not just about two people cohabitating but about a divine bond that flourishes when nurtured with God’s love and wisdom. They explore how God’s unconditional love can ignite transformation in our lives, propelling us toward a brighter future. Their heartfelt insights, backed by solid scripture, remind us that God is all about making winners, especially in our relationships. They're not just sharing tips; they’re revealing the secrets to a fulfilling, exciting, and dynamic marriage. So, grab your favorite beverage, tune in, and let’s get ready to dive into this enriching discussion about building stronger marriages fueled by grace and love.

> The Bridges take us on a journey through the ups and downs of marriage, reminding us that every couple can grow together. They share their personal experiences and the lessons learned over their 17 years of marriage, emphasizing that growth is a continuous process. Their dialogue highlights foundational scriptures, such as 1 Timothy 4:12, urging listeners to be examples of love and conduct in their marriages. The couple illustrates how our marriages reflect God’s image, making it essential for us to model unconditional love, respect, and humility. They tackle the often-ignored topic of conflict in relationships, transforming it from a negative to a positive by showing how healthy conflict can lead to growth. So if you’re feeling like your marriage is stuck in a rut or just needs a little pep, this episode is your go-to. Justin and Annette’s genuine warmth and humor make these lessons not only relatable but also fun and engaging!

> Toward the end, the conversation takes a more interactive turn as they address audience questions, making it feel like a cozy chat among friends. Their approach to conflict resolution is refreshing, emphasizing that it’s okay to disagree, but how you handle those disagreements is what counts. They encourage open communication and remind listeners to seek God’s wisdom in every situation. It’s all about creating a safe space where both partners can express themselves without fear of judgment. The Bridges leave us with a powerful reminder that our words carry weight and can either build up or break down our relationships. They encourage us to speak life, not just to our spouses but to everyone around us. If you're looking to strengthen your marriage or just want to learn how to love better, this episode will inspire you to take action and reflect God’s love in your home.

Takeaways:

• Pastors Justin and Annette Bridges emphasize the importance of making marriage a fulfilling and dynamic journey, filled with love and excitement.
• They highlight that every couple can grow in their relationship, regardless of how long they've been married, so let's keep learning together!
• The couple stresses that our marriages should be examples of God's love and conduct, impacting not just our lives but also those around us.
• They remind us that humility and submission to God are key ingredients for a successful marriage, and it's all about giving ourselves to each other and to God.

Pastors Justin and Annette Bridges.

They are pastors of Heritage Faith Christian center right here in Crawley, Texas.

They have served our church and our community for.

They love to love God and love people is their life's call and ambition.

They do this by ministering the unconditional love of God and the powerful word of God that we are able to heal through, transform, and propel us into our glorious future.

We're so thankful.

Yes.

Dr. Jerry Savelle was very, very, very noted for saying God is a champion of making winners in life.

And so especially in marriage.

So especially, we are so thankful God has 100 desire for your marriage to be fulfilling and exciting and dynamic and successful.

That's right.

And we're so thankful for this opportunity to come together and to.

To have this.

This meeting.

All right, so because we're ready for Pastor Justin, Pastor Annette.

We went all the way to Yosemite.

If you can see Yosemite behind us.

And.

Oh, wow, that's beautiful.

I kind of wish Crowley looked like that had that kind of water behind.

Any trees.

The disc coming from.

That's good.

Well, I got the timer going somehow.

Yeah, I think it's gonna take.

Good afternoon, everyone.

How you doing?

Hi.

Good afternoon.

Good to see you.

I saw the Boycos on there, too.

Somewhere at one point.

I saw the boos.

There, there, there.

Is that the Boycos?

Just me right now.

Tim got worn out at outreach this morning, so he's.

I get it.

I bet it was a little warm today and it started a little bit later, but thank you for being them, being a part of that.

And Kay just got home, so from that.

And so she'll be joining us in a minute.

Okay.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Well, what an opportunity for us to be able to impart, you know, God's wisdom.

Because no matter how long you've been married, we all can grow more.

Right?

We can all.

We all can learn from each other.

We can all grow in greater degrees.

And anyway, so it's.

We're.

We're so honored to be a part of the Harvest Fields ministry and what they're doing.

And I believe with the other pastors that will impart to you.

It'll be a.

It will be a productive time.

And like Jeff said, there'll be many others that will join later and watch later from other.

Other parts of the world.

And so Jeff and Teresa already prayed.

And so this is Pastor Annette.

And.

And so we've been married now.

How long have you been married?

Seventeen.

Seventeen years.

And, and so in growing more and more, you know, we became one 17 years ago, you know, and, you know.

It'S a continual growing.

But what I've learned through the years, it's just like getting born again.

When you made Jesus the Lord of your life, you became one with him.

We became one spirit with him.

But yet the Word tells us that we need to renew our minds and be transformed by the Word of God.

And the same thing with marriage is when we became one, we became something that never existed before.

We became a new creation.

And.

And it's this lifelong process that of us growing together as one and allowing our lives to be transformed by the Word of God, to reflect the image of God in the earth.

Am.

And I agree.

And so as Pastor Annette and I just preparing separately and then coming together, there was some similar things that the Lord was putting in our hearts.

And I really believe that Pastor Annette has more of a foundational scripture for us.

You know, as we get into this today and what our assignment is over these next 45 minutes or however long we go.

And I believe it's.

It's.

It's vital.

And so I'd like you to share that foundational scripture.

It's from First Timothy 4:12.

And it talks about.

It says, let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example, be a pattern.

And I believe that our marriages, as Christians, as followers of Christ, we are to be examples.

Our marriages are to be examples and patterns for believers, for the world, actually.

In speech, in conduct, it says, and in love, that authentic love.

As believers, we know the love of God, don't we?

We know the unconditional love of God, and that's the same love that we have for each other.

And it's an example to the world around us.

It says to be an example in speech, in conduct and love, in faith and impurity.

So we were talking earlier, and I was telling Justin, I said, you know, as a.

As a teacher, you know, to be an example, it means to teach, to teach others what a godly marriage should look like.

And so we have a responsibility as Christians as to teach others what marriage is supposed to look like.

Yeah.

And one of the ways we.

One of the ways that we can teach in this is just how we model, right?

Yes.

You know, and, yeah, there's things that we're teaching with our words, but we're modeling to our children.

You know, as pastors, we're needing to model to our congregation.

You're modeling to your neighbors.

Whether you realize it or not, everything we do that, as I said a little while ago, is this marriage union is a reflection of God in the earth, right?

And, and that's why the enemy hates marriage, right?

That's why he's out to devour marriages.

That's why he's out to destroy marriages.

Because he wants this not to be in a place of oneness, because then, then it affects and influences our effectiveness, right?

And if he can destroy this, then he's keeping the image, the desire that God has.

That's why when God made man, he took.

He took something out of man.

And he said these, this is your helper that he was saying that man and woman together are a reflection of God in the earth.

And it's that union, that unity between us as husband and wife that causes the blessings of God to flow not just in our lives, but also in all those around us.

Amen.

The other scripture that I sense the Holy Spirit was bringing out was from Amos3.3 that talks about how can two walk together unless they agree?

How can two go to the same place unless they're in unison and in alignment and in agreement?

The world is watching, right?

Your children are watching, your congregation is watching how you walk together.

I know that a lot of television shows don't portray good marriages.

I'm going to age myself.

But what was that show about Raymond?

Everybody Loves Raymond.

Everybody Loves Raymond.

I could not stand that show because they always put each other down.

And I thought I'm.

This is not.

We're not putting this on in my house.

My kids are not going to see that because we're supposed to in speech, be holding each other up.

And anything that, that portrays a disunion between a husband and a wife should not be something that we should see or allow our.

To be in our home as well.

But the other thing is, number one, marriage is about giving.

And we all know that.

But it.

But first of all, it's about us giving ourselves over to God first, being humble and in submission to him first, before we're able to show humility and submission with one another.

And that position of humility is faith.

It's saying, I can't do this on my own.

Now, both of us have come from, from failed marriages.

And so I know right before we were.

When we were just courting, I know that was one of the things that I had to take to God was how am I going to be the wife that he needs me to be?

And I knew that it, it was tinge in on my Submission and me remaining humble and asking God, how do I love this man that you've brought into my life?

How do I honor him?

And it was all about that daily choice of being clothed in humility that it talks about in First Peter 5.

5, freedom from pride.

Freedom from thinking that you can do it on your own.

Because, you know, it's in submission that you hear from God.

It's in your humility that you're able to receive from the Lord.

And I had to stay in that.

In that mindset.

Yeah.

And you know what that word also says?

And there's a translation.

I was trying to look for it.

I'd seen it this morning in 1st Peter 5.

5.

But it says, that's how you will be recognized is because of your humility.

Yeah.

And so it's that.

It's that submitting to God, you know, if we want to see success in any of our life, everything's going to come back to, like, I just page one.

And page one is seek first the kingdom.

Right.

Page one is God is my source.

You know, Page one is.

Is my submission to God.

Right.

It's not about her submitting to me.

And it's not about me.

It is, but.

And it's not about me honoring the weaker vessel.

And we'll talk about that later.

But first of all, the foundation is me submitting to God.

A lot of times we can.

We can have our own personal relationship with God and we can say we're submitted to go.

And I wrote it down this way.

I think when I was sharing with you, it's like when I can submit to God, I can hear from God.

Right.

But the same thing, when I bring myself in a position of honoring and submission to.

To Annette, then I can hear from Annette.

Most of the time I'm not hearing from God because I'm not submitting to God.

But when I.

At the same time, am I.

Am I hearing my spouse?

But it also comes from that position of the first thing is, am I submitted to God?

And that is the place that Pastor Annette is saying that place and position of humility.

Humility.

It's not thinking yourself less than I think Zephaniah.

I think it's chapter two, maybe verse seven.

The amplified it tells.

It says, all you humble of the land.

And it describes in parentheses and amplified.

And it says, and I love this definition of humility is those that are teachable.

That's good.

All you humble the land.

And then it explained what the humble the land are those that are teachable.

And that's what we have.

We have to remain teachable with each other.

We have to remain teachable before God because.

And what.

What I know, what a pastor nets is hearing from God is that humility.

It's a position of faith saying, God, I'm trusting you, submitting to you, and I'm trusting you, submitting to my husband, believing that you're going to take care of this situation, you're going to take care of me in this, as I submit to you.

And it's in mission that it says, he gives more grace.

Amen.

That's it.

He gives us more grace, his ability.

And how much grace do we have?

Sometimes we can have more grace for other people than we do for our spouse.

It's true.

It's the truth.

You know, it's like, you know, it's.

I have all this grace for other people, but do you have grace for your spouse?

But that's only going to come from that position in place of humility.

Right?

That's good.

And where his presence is, there, he's going to speak.

You don't just ask someone to come along and then tell him not to say anything, Right?

Especially God Almighty.

So.

Right?

If you're not there, I'm not there.

I'm not going.

And so I can't have a successful marriage without the presence of God.

I can't be the wife that I need to be without the presence of God in my life and in this marriage.

The other thing that I thought of was with Ruth and Naomi.

Now, I know they weren't married, but Ruth saw that in Naomi, saw that she had a presence about her.

God was in her life.

And so she said, wherever you go, that's where I'm going.

Amen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's in that saying, God, I'm going to follow you.

I'm going to follow you.

And that's, that's really to.

To us, just to start off with this marriage aspect is, is God, I'm giving myself to you.

Amen.

And, and help, Holy Spirit, help me to be the spouse that I need to be the encourager.

I need to be the one that believes in my spouse.

And, and.

And so one of the greatest things that Annette has, has done in my life.

And whether she's done it intentionally or not is she makes me better through her encouragement.

But I also know it's based.

That encouragement isn't coming from a position of just trying to puff me up, but it's coming from her position of being submitted to God.

Because there's a lot of times when she would say things or even right before I'm getting up to minister, she just, I, I know she worship's going on, and I know she would just place her hand on my back and I know she's praying for me.

And, and, and that, that, that is this encouragement that's coming from her, but it, she's being that God is, is using her to lift me, to bring me higher.

But I know her heart is one that is being submitted to God.

Well, and the change is happening on the inside of me.

Whenever we stay submitted in a position of submission to God and, and, and humble, then God is working on me.

Because I know what it's like to be in a, in a, in a marriage or in a relationship where you're constantly asking God, please do something about this other person.

You know, and more times than not, God was saying, you know, look at yourself.

And it's like, well, wait a minute.

We're not talking about me.

We're talking about the problem here.

Yeah, it's not me, it's them.

And God was going, let's work on you.

And so I, once I stay in that, in that posture, then I can hear from God.

And what God was trying to do was change me on the inside.

Because if the transformation takes place on the inside of me, it's going to come out of me.

Yeah.

And so the words that I speak are going to be God's words.

I'm not a naturally touchy person.

That's just not, that's not my nature, you know, normally.

But I would find myself doing that, putting my hand on him, just putting, holding his hand.

And I'm like, this isn't really me.

But the Holy Spirit was going, no, it's me.

Yeah, it's me.

And he would say, like, how did you know that?

I just needed that.

It was like, well, I didn't, I didn't.

It wasn't me.

But God honors.

When you honor him, he will honor you and he'll honor this relationship.

Right.

And without going in great detail, I mean, because there's some people that don't know us on here or will be later, and I'm not going to go into details about it, but Annette was married for 18 years.

And she found out seven years into the marriage that there was some things that are outside of biblical grounds of marriage, things happening within them, within her spouse at that time.

And she stayed another 11 years trying to, for him to get the change.

And like all these things were, what he was operating is things that were violation to the word of God and covenant.

And covenant.

And so, so there are some things there that she endeavored to even, even afterwards honor someone that wasn't honorable.

And, and so without going into great detail with that.

And, and so our positions have to be in this place of being submitted to the King of Kings, submitted to the presence of God, submitted to the Word of God and, and submitting, submitting to each other with, with being full of grace for each other.

That's it.

One of the things, when she told me that scripture and I had a similar scripture, but when she told me about the first Timothy 4, because it's not really of a scripture, you go to marriage wise, you know, because he's, he's really preparing Timothy for ministry.

And when he says, you know, let, he says, let no one despise your youth, but be an example to believers in word, in conduct and love and spirit.

But if you read my Bible at the top of this section, it says, take heed to your ministry.

And as, as we were just talking things over and I was reading that, that just jumped off my, the pages of my Bible when it says take heed to your ministry.

I was realizing this, this is my ministry.

Yeah, take heed to my ministry.

Right?

Take heed to my ministry.

Whether you, whether you realize that it's, it's your spouse is your greatest ministry.

And sometimes we can get so busy with all the other things we have to do, we forget about this ministry.

That's it.

We can get busy with life, we can get busy with paying bills, working, children, children, all those things.

But this is my ministry.

So that just was really, I don't want to say it was in a, in a Holy Spirit convicting kind of way to me was take heed to this ministry.

Yeah, take heed to this ministry.

And if you go down to verse 15 in the same chapter, he says these things, meditate on these things, give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.

So just putting this in the marriage, the marriage scenario here, that our lives are, that my life, our marriage would be an example in conduct and love and purity and spirit and faith, but also all these things he says after that that we would meditate on these things that are.

That our progress would be evident to all.

I want the people of Heritage of Faith Church, I want people that see us, that have known us for years, that a year from now that there's progress in this relationship, there's.

There's growth in this relationship, and that we wouldn't be settled with what our marriage has been for the last 17 years, but we would look forward to what's going to happen when we're celebrating year 34.

17 more years, you know, so.

So this is an example.

This marriage is an example, but it starts with that humility.

It starts with that submission, and it's.

It starts with taking heed.

That's.

That is.

That's a commandment right there.

Take heed.

Make it priority.

You spend more time, I don't know, whatever it is, gardening or.

You spend more time taking care of your car or your.

But this is what's important.

So.

Yeah.

So I. I applaud you all who are on here and.

And all of y' all who'll be watching later to this message on inspiring your marriages.

Right.

You know, we.

We try to work on all other aspects of our lives.

We'll go to the gym.

We'll, you know, try to eat right.

We'll try to do all kinds of things, take classes about this and do classes, you want, at being this and being that.

But we need to work on being better with each other and for each other and honoring one another.

Yeah.

So true.

That's good.

And so that was the scripture she had starting off.

And then the scripture I was given in my quiet time was found in First Peter, Chapter 2.

And it's really another scripture.

Nestle wouldn't hear about marriage in marriage, but it says, beloved, I beg you.

As sojourners and pilgrims abstained from fleshly lust, which war against the soul, he says, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles.

So in Annette's chapter, her scripture was being an example, you know, to those around us because you know, and you meditate those things.

It'll be evident to all.

But in my Scripture, it says, having your conduct honorable.

Your conduct is your way of living, your way of life, how you do things, how you treat each other, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles.

Meaning.

Meaning that whether I'm at home or I'm in public, I need to honor.

Honor her.

My conduct and how I treat her, how I respond to her, how I do things is.

Is something I'm to do before the world.

Then it says that when they speak against you as evildoers they may by your good works, which they observe.

Which they observe.

So they're seeing this and what they're observing in our marriage relationship.

I know, I know I'm taking a little scriptural liberty here, because what.

How.

How the Peter is writing this to that.

But the.

The same thing is true, is our marriage is an example.

Our marriage is speaking.

You know, we are living epistles written and read by all men.

So our marriage is speaking to the world.

It's speaking to our children.

It's speaking to all those we come in contact with.

And it says that something's going to happen as they observe our conduct.

And it says, what are they going to do?

It says they glorify God, meaning that they can.

That our life, because our marriage is a reflection of the kingdom of God, then that is something that's going to cause people to glorify God.

Amen.

In our.

In our conduct.

You know, in Mark 10, 9 is the scripture that Jesus is using.

And he says, what God has put together, let no man put us under another.

I think new King James or another version says, let no man separate it.

So through our marriage, there's things that are.

Our conduct can cause our marriage to be separated.

And we could go in a lot of different details of what that could be and what that would mean.

But I believe we always have to go back to Jesus because Jesus, it says in Ephesians 5, love your wife like Christ loved the church.

That's conduct, right?

That's good.

That's.

That's a manner of conduct.

That's a manner of an example.

That's a manner of being that example, having that model teaching, love your wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

And I don't want to go too into this, because some of you heard me say this before, that.

That Jesus loved the church without any guarantee he would receive anything in return.

Right.

Love my wife like Christ loved the church, and he gave himself for it.

So Jesus gave himself without any guarantee that anyone would receive his sacrifice, Right?

And then it says in the washing of the water with the Word, that lets me know.

Then the Holy Spirit told me this one day, he said, he goes, justin, I died for Annette's potential, not her perfection.

So he died for all humanity, not because they were perfect, not because they had it all together, but it said that he, because of potential, of what was on the inside of them and what.

What we could be.

And I like the washing of the water.

Yeah.

That means your words, your Words.

When you speak the word over me, that's washing.

That's like Jesus is talking about what he did for the church.

It's.

Yeah, it's good.

And so good.

And so with this, this example, with this, our conduct, there's a lot of things that we could, we could look at towards conduct.

And there was a couple that, that I saw.

If you, if, if we continue to look in first Peter, chapter two and you get over to verse.

Oh, I think it's 22 talking of Jesus.

Actually verse 21 says for to this you were called because Christ also suffered for us.

And this is just connecting that Jesus loved the church, gave himself for it.

For to this end.

Because Christ also suffered for us.

Leaving us an example.

Yeah.

That we should follow his steps.

Thank you, Father.

So we should follow his steps.

We should follow his conduct.

We should follow his example.

And what was, what was the cond.

The, the.

The statement next?

It says he committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth.

That's right.

So this was Jesus's conduct.

This was his example.

And it said he committed no sin.

When I was praying over this.

And how do we equate that to this marriage is, is sin is missing the mark.

We could talk a lot about sin and what this word sin means here.

But really sin is something that causes us to step outside of covenant.

So we talk about our marriage being an example in the conduct of our marriage.

So if we're going to follow Jesus steps, he committed no sin, meaning he didn't do anything that would violate the covenant.

That's it.

He wouldn't do thing that would weaken the covenant.

And then he said, and there was no deceit found in his mouth.

What if our.

In our conduct as a marriage, that's a reflection of God in the earth.

If we got to a point where there was no sin and there was no deceit in our mouth.

Wow.

And a lot of times we look at sin, we can, we can look at a number of things of what that could be.

I don't want to go into, into that.

But the point is nothing.

One number one, nothing to violate our covenant.

But also we may not realize it or not, but are my words a river of life to her or my words contaminating her heart?

Yeah.

That's good.

So if we're following the steps of Jesus, he didn't commit sin.

And there was no deceit found in his mouth.

Mouth.

And so then I just got thinking about just because these two things, the committing of sin and deceit in the mouth that there was two things that can be examples for our marriage to the world is one, our actions and our words.

Because the committing of sins deal is deal with our actions.

And then the.

And the other was the.

No deceit in his mouth was his words.

So.

So what's going to be an example to the world in a good way would be my actions toward my spouse and my words toward my spouse.

Now, if we go back to the.

What Pastor Annette said, talking about the humility and talking about all the other things about God being first and being submitted to God, that's what we do first.

God's authentic love and being those examples of that love, then.

Then what's going to tear it down are going to be my actions and my words.

My actions and my words.

My actions and my words.

Anything you want to say that's good.

Your actions and your words in front of your spouse and when you're not in front of your spouse.

Yeah, I. I remember we had.

We had years and years and years ago.

We had.

We had a.

Someone that.

A couple that was leading a ministry and.

And he would.

He would put his wife down in front of.

In front of the whole.

The whole class trying to correct her while he is at the same time trying to teach her.

Oh.

And it's like.

It's like, wait a minute.

But the thing is, is he didn't realize.

He didn't realize what he was doing, but ultimately he didn't understand that this is how he was treating her at home.

Yeah.

And not realizing because of how he was raised and the culture he came from, he thought it was a.

He thought it was an okay thing.

He didn't really realize that normal thing, that it was something that was actually demoralizing this his spouse.

And.

And because of her.

Her submission, she just kind of took him.

But yet it put it all internal in not realizing that her words, his words were making her pull into a shell.

Right.

And to where she didn't feel like she could say anything.

Wow.

Wow.

And yet he didn't think anything was wrong in the marriage.

He thought everything was fine.

And.

And so.

So what we have to understand is even being able to go to our spouses and say, say, how are.

How are my words?

Were my words okay?

As I was praying over Annette over something, she had a meeting and she.

Actually, it was Wednesday night when you were preparing for the women's meeting, and there was just this phrase that came out of me was I pray that your.

Your words would be seized in season.

And seasoned and, and that your words.

Would be seasoned and your words would be seasoned.

That what you would say be.

Would be at the right time, but also what you're saying would be seasoned.

Meaning.

Meaning it would be seasoned with salt, it would be seasoned with healing, it'd be seasoned with those things.

So, so that came up as I was preparing, you know, for this was.

Was The Proverbs chapter 25 and just abbreviated version says a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver, a word fitly spoken.

Did you want to say anything?

No, sir.

That's very good.

Well, I want to go back to what you were saying about honoring one another with your words and your conduct as a woman.

And you may have seen, even you have.

May have seen how your parents may have treated one another because you were talking about that gentleman, that he didn't think anything was wrong with that.

Well, I mean, society will teach us that, you know, when you're upset, you can call someone and you tell them about it.

Well, you know, talking about your husband is not honoring him.

Whether you're talking about, like, he did it in front of everybody, he talked about her or to her in front of everyone, but that's not honoring.

And you know who to call when you're upset.

You're going to call the person who's going to tell you to honor your husband or you're going to.

They're either going to join you with what your words are saying or correct you.

And so I just pray that you have people in, In.

In your life that would teach you, that would correct you, that would encourage you or inspire your marriage to, To.

To go along instead of somebody saying, oh, yeah, you're right, he's the worst.

But they would say, no, let's pray about this.

You know, what does the word say?

Because you know, what love covers.

Love is supposed to protect, and love always prefers and.

And thinks the best of the other person.

And I know I used to have a pastor's wife.

You know, whenever I was having issues, I would call her, and I didn't like her answers.

So it was like not calling her on this one.

But she didn't change.

And I thank God that she didn't change.

She always gave me the word.

She always told me, you know, love covers, love protects, love honors.

And it's like, okay, all right.

Yes, I get it.

Yeah.

And, you know, I, I think majority of the time, you know, when we meet with people about marriage or about their spouses and, and we'.

First thing they want to say is what the other person did.

And most of the time, what Pastor Annette will do is always say, hey, what about your responses?

You can't fix that person.

Yeah.

You can't fix them.

So what.

What do you do?

What is.

What is.

Let's talk about you.

Let's talk about your part.

I think it's like Brother Copeland, when he.

He went to glory and was upset at glory and glory, or was it glory?

I don't.

I don't know which.

Which direction it went, but they went in and complained about their spouse, and it was like, no, I want to talk about him.

No, let's talk about you.

Let's deal.

And on.

On your part in this.

And.

And so.

So with that, it's like our actions and our words can.

Will build our marriage or they'll tell.

Tear down our marriage.

That's right.

And.

And understanding that what we're out for is for our marriage relationship to influence the world around us.

And you know this.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold and settings of silver.

Right.

I wrote this out.

It says, this describes how a word spoken at the right time with the right motivation is a beautiful and precious and valuable as golden apples placed in a silver basket.

The imagery emphasizes the beauty and impact of skilled, skillful, and timely communication, where the gold is the preciousness of the spoken message and the silver is the context and setting that perfectly frames it.

And it's a word fitly spoken.

Fitly spoken.

It's the right time.

There's other scriptures.

Proverbs.

Talks about a lot of words.

Oh, yeah, a lot of words.

Too many words.

Too many words.

Yeah.

There's transgression.

Transgression.

Sometimes you just need to, you know, just stop talking.

Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Yeah.

Colossians 4:6 says, Let your speech always be gracious and seasoned with salt.

A word fitly spoken are like apples of gold and settings of silver.

This pleasant words are honeycomb.

Pleasant.

We like honeycomb.

I love honeycomb.

Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

For those Cadbury bars that we would have that had the honeycomb inside.

So this phrase, a word fitly spoken, once again, it's a phrase that emphasizes the importance of timing and appropriateness.

Yeah.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

The Hebrew culture would highly value Wisdom and discernment and a well timed word could bring peace and healing and encouragement.

Yeah, and that's a choice.

I mean, you could be in the middle of a, a discussion, a heated discussion and you can either, you know, fuel the fire or your words can actually subdue the whole thing.

Just bring the whole, you know, so it's important.

It's a, it's a decision.

I think for me, learning about her words to me, in my words to her is ultimately having the grace for each other, knowing that what she's coming with isn't to tear me down.

Right.

Yeah.

You need to know the heart behind it.

And sometimes you don't, you don't know the heart behind it.

You just see it.

You just maybe see where you missed it or where, where you failed or where you didn't do the right thing.

And, and so immediately, my, my just personally, years ago, my natural, my natural response is to either make excuses or to.

What's some other things that I would do?

Make excuses or defend, you know, or, or come back with, oh, you, you, you know.

Well, you said this.

You did, but you did this.

And it's like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Did, did you hear what she was saying?

Right.

But also come make sure you're coming in, in the point of, you know, not saying the ouch words.

Not using.

Pushing the buttons.

Yeah.

The pushing the buttons or using anything having to do with.

I'm out of here.

I'm leaving this.

Is that because.

Because that's, that's what you have to settle in, in your heart is, is this covenant is forever.

Amen.

And we're going to walk together.

Yeah.

We are going to agree because your heart is to honor God and to glorify him and my heart is to honor God and glorify him and together we'll do that even greater.

And, and so this I'm one with is valuable.

So how much more should I speak?

Words that are apples of gold, you know, Speak valuable words.

Words that, that build her up and not tear her down.

One thing that changed my perspective was understanding that this is a son of God.

This is God's son and I'm his daughter.

So I know we, we did a marriage class once where they had us looking at each other and holding our hands and they said that it's like, would you say that to God's son?

Would you treat God's son that way?

Well, that's God's son.

Why are you talking to him that way?

Why are you treating him that way?

That's that's the Son of God.

He.

God loves him and honors him.

Yeah.

And.

And the other thing, too is like, you know when you're in an argument and you win an argument?

Well, you know what?

No, you actually lost.

Because if he lost, I lost, and if I lose, he loses.

So there's no.

I mean, there's no.

Yeah, it can't be.

I'm a winner and you're a loser.

No, because we're one.

If you lose the argument, I've lost it, too.

Yeah.

I think this is kind of taking a rabbit trail.

I mean, a side thing and, and this is things that I think we all are working on is when you have two people that are married and yet you can have two different opinions or how you're seeing a situation, oftentimes it's like, she's over here, I'm over here.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm not sure how to get her over here, and she's not sure how to get me over here.

Well, sometimes is.

Where can we come into a place of agreement?

Yeah.

Because it can't be.

It's my way or the highway.

It can't be.

Can't be that.

Because I have to understand women.

She can hear from God, too.

Now, ultimately, as the spouse, as the husband, I'm the head of the union.

So ultimately, I have to make a. I have to make the.

I have to make the decision.

And also, there's things where I know that if I make this decision, then God's going to hold me accountable, not her.

If she's already come with me, come to me with what she believes is God's wisdom, and I'm not receiving it fully or I don't understand it fully, and I still go this direction.

I'm accountable for that.

Right.

So sometimes we have to say, okay, I don't agree with you here.

I don't agree with you here.

Well, can we compromise on the.

Can we not compromise as in sin?

But where can we come into agreement?

Right.

Where can we get.

Where can we get an agreement over this?

Right.

And, and here's the thing is, if I trust God and believe that God's out for my best, I know I can submit to the decision that he's made and it's still going to be okay.

It's like, where is my trust?

I don't have to dig in my heels and say, no, we're not going to do that.

I have to believe and trust that he can hear from God as well.

And God's Going to take care of this situation one way or another.

You know, as I was looking just thinking more about these words fitly spoken are like apples of gold and settings of silver.

And it said that they would lay silver under the boards and they would take the sockets and they would attach the beams to these silver settings.

And when I, when I thought about that, realizing not knowing, not before I saw this, how silver was.

If was part of the foundational structure of the temple.

Wow.

And they were settings of silver.

And so my words, her words have the ability to be the foundation on which we allow the presence of God to flow in and through our marriage relationship.

Yeah.

And into other people.

And.

And that's how we're going to be that.

That conduct.

That example of a godly marriage.

That's so good.

Wow.

Well, I don't know how long we have, so.

So I don't know if that's a good jumping off point.

But I do want to answer some questions or if anyone has anything questions in the chat.

We would love to hear from y', all if you have any questions.

While you're thinking of some questions.

You know, if we went another chapter further in 1st Peter 3, where it talks about you dwell husbands likewise in the same way, dwell with them according to knowledge.

And that I'm to dwell with her according to knowledge.

And that word knowledge, New King James, I think, translates it better because New King James uses the word understanding.

Understanding is a higher form of knowledge.

Yeah.

So.

So when I dwell with her according to knowledge, that word knowledge is gnosis.

And gnosis and it means a higher form of knowledge.

So I'm too intimacy.

I'm not to dwell with her according to world, worldly knowledge, or even my own fleshly understanding.

I need to dwell with her from.

On a higher plane, from a godly perspective.

Because then it goes in talks about giving yourself separate yourself, giving honor to the weaker vessel.

And that weaker vessel doesn't mean one that is weak spiritually.

It just means one that's weaker in frame, weaker physically.

Right.

And through all that we become the heirs of the grace of life.

So.

I think Mike Martin might be typing.

Okay.

Can I jump in with a question?

Sure.

Okay.

First we'll say we.

First we'll say we.

We don't know everything.

So.

But we'll go ahead because I think.

I'm not 100 sure about you, but I knew I grew up in a home where my Parents, they didn't fight in front of the kids.

Like, I never saw my parents fighting.

And not that that's a bad thing, but when I got married, I didn't know how to have a conflict, how to have a healthy conflict, because there's conflict when you have two people.

And I'm like, what's.

What's wrong?

Why are we fighting?

Like, so how do you.

How do you demonstrate to your children that there is such a thing as a healthy conflict while still maintaining that honor with your spouse?

Right.

Yeah.

You want to say anything?

Go ahead.

You go ahead.

I would.

I would say you definitely need to.

I think.

I think for me, I was in the same boat as you.

I never.

My parents have been together since they were in seventh grade.

And so.

So, I mean, they've been.

They've been together for 65 years, you know.

Are you gonna say you didn't see your parents fight there?

I was gonna say I never.

I didn't.

I didn't.

Never saw them yell at each other.

And I'm sure it happened.

I'm sure my mom had some cabinet slamming days.

I'm sure they were.

I was.

I'm sure there was some of those things that are happening.

But at the same time, I think there's a balance to learn is.

I think if.

If you're.

If you know how to have conflict correctly, I think it's okay to demonstrate in front of that, in front of the kids, but also, I think.

I think showing examples of their.

Their conflict that, you know, your conflict, because you'll have conflict with your children.

I think.

I think just.

Just doing that with them and doing that in front of them, saying it's.

It's okay to not agree.

Yeah.

And I think I. I think I came from.

I was like, oh, why.

Why are you disagreeing with me?

I don't.

I. I'm not the bad guy here.

Why.

I mean, why am I being attacked?

Like, what you're saying?

Why am I being attacked right now?

I don't.

I don't understand.

What.

What did I do wrong?

Because my.

My heart is just to.

Is to do right, you know, please and to please.

And.

Because I'm.

That's my.

One of my downfalls is being a people pleaser.

And my.

From my perspective, I did come from home that they did.

They did argue and they did fight, but they stayed together as well.

I mean, they.

And my.

I come from the standpoint of it's okay to argue, it's okay to disagree.

I want to hear what you think.

We come.

We come to an agreement.

We learn, talk about the situation.

Let's talk about the different options, let's talk about the disadvantages, let's talk about the advantages, and then let's come up with a solution.

So they've got to see the end result.

That's the thing.

It's like, it's not a bad thing to disagree, but let's.

Let's learn how to do it right.

Let's talk about the situation.

Let's talk about our options.

What are our options?

What's going to happen if we do it your way?

And then sometimes it's like, it's not a big deal.

They need to be able to see one person give in and go, that's fine.

Let's do it your way.

Way this time.

Let's see how it works.

And I'm going to encourage that.

Let's.

Let's do it your way.

You know, I may be wrong, and it's okay.

And they need to hear those words from, from each other saying, you know, I explain it to me, or let's look it up.

Let's figure out a way that this is going to work best.

Yeah.

And if it doesn't work, then we learn.

And, and kids need to see that we're okay about that.

We're okay making a mistake and learning from our mistakes.

And then let's do it differently the next time rather than just falling apart and, and being upset because you didn't get your way.

No, it's okay.

We're gonna do it together.

We're gonna come out with the best solution for us.

Right.

It's like, you know, for.

My dad was very quiet.

You know, my dad was.

He worked all day.

He'd come home, read the newspaper.

You didn't see him make a whole lot of.

Of, you know, of anything.

So I didn't see how their dynamic was when they dealt with those things.

I probably wish I had had seen somewhat of it, because for me, it's like, I would equate loudness.

I would take equate loud tone to the fact that you're mad at me.

And, and so for me, it was like, it wasn't so much of like, okay, what Annette is saying, or.

Or it wasn't she was saying.

It was more like, okay, all right, I. I hear what you're saying, but your tone is, like, way up here right now.

But.

But it's like when I went To Christmas at.

When I was with.

At a holiday for her family.

And I'm like.

And they're all speaking Spanish.

I'm like, why is everyone mad at each other?

No one was mad.

And it's like, oh, no, we're just.

We're just talking about the weather.

And I'm like, oh, my goodness.

It's like.

It's like.

It's so.

It's so.

It's getting you.

It's just getting used to that.

That.

And.

And I. I. Yeah, I think for me, it's just.

I equated conflict with.

I failed.

And.

And so.

So for me.

And that's just wrong on my part.

No.

And I equate conflict as.

Let's grow.

Yeah.

And so let's grow from this.

So I think.

I think for both of us, I think it's a matter of.

Let's have the right terminology of what conflict is and what are.

And what are.

What's the end result?

Yeah.

So, Mike.

Mike had a question.

Yours was, if there's strife in the home, who started it?

Is that.

Was that your question?

Whose fault is it?

Whose fault is it?

I typed it wrong.

I would.

I would say it.

Go ahead.

Did you have something else to say?

I guess if we go scripturally, it says, where strife is, there's every evil work.

So if there's strife, I would say, ultimately, what's my flesh?

What's my.

Where's my flesh trying to come in?

Where's the enemy trying to come in?

Right.

And how do we keep my flesh out of the way?

And how do we keep the enemy out of the way?

It goes back to.

And let's bring God into it.

Yeah.

It goes back to being, you know, humbling yourself and submitting to God and resisting the devil.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's like not giving him a foothold.

So Mike's laughing.

Why are you laughing?

I want to know what's so funny.

Well, I.

You guys know, we honor you very highly.

And I. I just looked.

Okay.

And I said, chicken.

Great.

Politically correct answer.

There you go.

But isn't.

Since we, the guys are the priests of the home and our responsibility to protect the home.

That's it.

Ultimately, if strife comes in, ultimately, I think it's my fault.

Well, I allowed it in there.

Okay.

Means it's like.

And I told kids, I'm gonna ask him a question.

She goes home.

I don't.

No.

That's good.

So I'm just.

That's why I was laughing.

I just.

It just hit me funny.

So I apologize.

No, it's true, though.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah.

The priest.

As the priest, it's like, yeah, And I know we'll do that.

It's like, you need to go get with Jesus.

And that's what we'll tell each other.

Sometimes it's like, well, you need to go get with Jesus.

You're not acting like Jesus.

Will you be Jesus today?

It's your turn.

It's your turn to be Jesus today.

Hey, spirits, to me.

Do you need to have a come to Jesus meeting?

There you go.

That's it.

Well, we've.

We've been through seasons, especially when we were dating and newly married, where I just said, God, I'm done.

You deal with him.

Yeah, because I knew that I married somebody who listened to God.

I just needed to give, you know, I need to be quiet long enough for God to get a word in edgewise.

That's it.

And then it was always within an hour or so.

He'd be like, okay, God spoke to me.

I was wrong, you know, or, you know.

But then we.

We would come back to a point where we could work through stuff.

So good.

I had to learn that, okay, you deal with him so good.

That's trying to figure it out myself.

So it was that cast every care.

Because he cares for me.

Right now, Annette's.

I'm casting my care on you, Lor.

There you go.

Take her.

Well, I think.

I think that that's it.

So I don't know if you want to.