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10 Reasons Why It Is Important To Have Multi-Generational Relationships For Your Kids
Episode 3820th April 2022 • The 6570 Family Project • Nellie Harden
00:00:00 00:19:57

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Having friends outside of your typical peers can be some of the most rewarding and I want to share the top 10 reasons why, as a parent, it is beneficial to have your child be friends with all generations from the young to the very mature.  

How does it affect your parenting?  Your child? Their future?  Tune in for this quick, but impactful episode!

About the Host:

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor. 

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live. 

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world. 

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.

 

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior and Psychology. ) 

 

LINKS:

Family Success Vault- https://www.nellieharden.com/vault

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/   

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

 

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Transcripts

Nellie Harden:

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

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podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

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way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

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for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

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strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the

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tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

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the real challenges and raising kids today how to show up as

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parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

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family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

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big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

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porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

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minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

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and leadership that elevate the family experience, and sets the

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kids up with a rock solid foundation, they can launch

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their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the

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6570 family project. Let's go

Nellie Harden:

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the 6570

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family project podcast where we are putting aside the power

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struggles and finding the way to lead our young women toward the

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confidence, respect and wisdom that they need to prepare them

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for the outside world. And today, we have a great topic

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that a lot of parents really don't think about, but is super

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important to me. And a huge part of development, especially of

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perspective. So today, we're going to talk about the top 10

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reasons why it is so important to have multi generational

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relationships for your kids. And what I mean by that is not just

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your 10th grader being friends with other 10th graders or your

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sixth grader being friends with other sixth graders, that is

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important, but it is really important to to bust out of

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those constraints and those boundaries, and have friends

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that are younger and older. So that we can start to gain a lot

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of this perspective and wisdom. So that really is our number one

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reason right there, your child will see and hear things from

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other people's perspectives. Now perspective is something that we

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gain along life's path. And we just keep gaining more and more

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and more. Think about every experience as a new lens that is

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being put into the great telescope that you view life

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with. Every one's perspective is very different. There's not a

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single pair of people that does or ever has, or ever will exist,

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that has the same exact perspective because we all live

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different lives. And when your child can see and hear things

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from other people's perspectives, then it broadens

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that idea for them. And it's not just the this is my way or the

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highway. And this is what I think and I'm going to throw out

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anything that anyone else thinks right? In our teen and tween

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world, especially for our young women today, it is very easy to

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walk that line, they are simultaneously being told that

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what you want is what you should have, and it is your way or the

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highway and you know the heck with everyone else. But also at

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the same time saying we need to accept and fully embrace

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everybody. And it's very confusing for our young women.

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And so when we can hear things from other people's

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perspectives, especially people that have lived in multiple

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generations with multiple quote unquote, trends and things like

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this, then it can give so much more perspective to our young

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women today as to what's happening right now. Because if

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they're living in the fishbowl of what is happening right now

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and thinking this is the way it always has been and always will

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be, then that can be a really tough place when things

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inevitably change because we all know that they will. And so

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hearing things from other people's point of view can kind

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of break that fishbowl a little bit and help them see things

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more from an aerial point of view, and how things are

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constantly changing in world culture in school culture and

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child culture. And, and all of those. So seeing and hearing

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things from other people's perspectives is gold. And then

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we have number two, which is wisdom from people who have

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actually been there, right? Maybe your child is in a

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relationship and they're all you know, flustered and they don't

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know what to do and you've tried talking to them, but you're just

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the parent and they don't want to necessarily listen to you. So

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maybe there's somebody else that they can talk to someone who has

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really fallen in love someone who has really had these

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experiences. and can hear them out, right? Maybe there's

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something happening in the world, and there's conflict in

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the world. And they're feeling very heavy about that. And they

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want to talk to somebody that has been there during other

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world conflicts, right? How that made them feel. Maybe they are

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going through some sort of obstacle, and this other person,

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no matter what age they are, they have been through that

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obstacle before. In fact, one of my daughters is very interested

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in acting. And so we happen to know somebody that is a child

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actor. And so I recommended getting on the phone with that

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person. And because this other young lady is younger than my

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daughter, she was like, I could not, I could not get advice from

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someone younger than me, I was like, girl, she has way, way,

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way, way, way, way more experienced than you do. So this

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would be a really good conversation to have. And it

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breaks. And through that conversation that we had, I was

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able to break through some of her resistance to I am this age,

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I cannot learn from someone younger than me, I can mentor I

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can teach, I can lead someone younger. But I cannot be taught

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by someone younger than me, which we all know, as we get

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older man is going to happen a lot. So it's a good thing to

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start learning early and good conversations to have. So number

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three is reinforcement of your own parenting from others. So in

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this one, maybe someone or something is happening in your

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home. And there's a little bit of a wall up between you and

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your child, because there's some you know, maybe the wall is made

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out of some animosity, some frustration, some embarrassment,

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some, I don't want to do it because I don't want to do it.

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You're telling me because you're just trying to get me to do what

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you want me to do type of thing, right? I know you're I can, I

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can hear and feel you all nodding at me right now. So

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maybe talking to another person would look like, I know this

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feels hard right now. But they are really doing this because

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they love you. And I've seen what happens when parents don't

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do this. And that's not where you want to be. Right? So

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reinforcement of your own parenting very powerful. Number

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four, is others can lift them up in ways that you can't, right.

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You're so beautiful, is told to you by your husband sometimes.

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And you're like, Oh, thank you, you know, and then your neighbor

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who you don't even know as well says, Wow, you look really

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beautiful today. And you're like, well, thank you really,

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really? Oh, wow. Well, thank you so much, right? And so getting

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compliments, and really getting lifted up from other people can

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be very, very powerful. My kids tell me all the time, if they

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walk in, I'm like, Wow, you look really beautiful. Today, you

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have to say that you're my mom. And I was like, Well, no, I

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don't have to say it. And yes, I am your mom, but you really are

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beautiful today. But I know that if they went out and somebody

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else told them that they were beautiful that it would mean

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even more. So just some, some cues there to always lift up

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other people, right? Number five, you can gain insight of

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your child from different perspectives of the people that

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they are with. And that is really key. Because, again, we

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only see through our one lens, right, our one telescope, if you

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will, that's filled with our hundreds of 1000s of lenses of

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perspective we've collected along the way. And so when we're

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seeing it one way, maybe somebody else that's talking to

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them, and then you talk to them afterwards can see it from an

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entirely different perspective and give you clarity that you

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just never knew was there before, right? So what others

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you can see what others see. And your children can many times

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show different faces to different people, right? So you

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see one side, and they're showing another side to somebody

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else. And so that is another exposure that you can have in

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order to get to know your child more. And you're when you're out

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there and people tell you about your kids. Like, I get told a

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lot. You know, your children are just so polite. They're so grown

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up and I do not say that to my own horn. What I'm saying is

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when I am home and there is ruckus and chaos, and there is

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you know, Sr, SAS and there is all these things happening. And

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I'm like, oh my goodness, right? And then I go out in public. And

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you know, they're still doing some of that, but we're just

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being our normal, goofy selves. And I have someone come up and

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say your girls are so polite and so well mannered. I'm like,

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really? Oh, well, thank you so much, right? It's hard to see

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when you're so close and so other people bring the

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perspective of backing up and seeing what's really going on.

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Alright, and another one number six, is it is more realistic to

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the real world to have multi generational relationships

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right. Once they graduate High School and they are not in their

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class anymore. They are thrust into either the workforce or

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university setting where there is multiple different, different

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ages. And so if we can get them communicating effectively with

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older generations and younger generations before they leave

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home, than they will be set up with that much more their self

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esteem, right? How they value and appreciate your themselves

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will be so much more equipped, if we can do that and give them

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those experiences before they leave home. And then teaching

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the younger generation. So now I'm specifically talking about

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younger generations there. It gives them a leadership role, a

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teaching role, a caregiving role, and it really does keep

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them young too. It helps them realize when they are, you know,

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in their tweens, and they're in middle school, and they're like,

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I cannot, you know, quote, unquote, play anymore, I can

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only hang out, but then maybe a neighbor kid comes over or a

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cousin or even a younger sibling, and all of a sudden,

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they are doing Legos, and they're maybe even I don't know,

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playing with dolls, or doing makeup and all these things. And

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they're like, Oh, well, we're just still hanging out, we're

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not playing, but you know, that they're playing. So that's okay,

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we want them to be able to enjoy all the aspects of imagination

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and play play is so important. There's experts on play out

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there for even adults. And so we don't want to ever put play on a

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shelf, right, and being around younger people that allows them

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to keep play an active in their life. And then obviously, having

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friends of the same age is very beneficial because it helps them

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because they're going through the same challenges many of the

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same challenges, right, they're being exposed to the same

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things. They have different perspectives from different

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families. But they can, you know, they're having the same

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history test, or they're are going to the CTS, at the same

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time, they're having end of year exams at the same time, those

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type of things are very, and not to mention, maybe they have

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grown up with them for a long time. So there's long term

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relationships in there, too. And then number nine is learning how

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to cultivate friendships. You know, if we just gave them the

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small pool of, of children, or kids or teenagers that are in

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their class, then that is a very small pool compared to the

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world. And so when we can teach them how to go out and make more

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friendships, both older, same age and younger, then they're

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going to have that much more practice on how to cultivate

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friendships. And it really is a beautiful thing. And lastly, is

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independence, right? They don't have to rely on you for all of

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their entertainment, they don't have to rely on you for all of

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their guidance, you are their primary guidance, hands down,

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you are the family architecture, as parents, you are building

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designing and planning with them in the second half of childhood.

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But you don't have to do it alone. This is the village

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concept, right? It takes a village. And so they can go out

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and seek guidance from other people bring it back, digest it

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with you digest it with themselves and their quiet time

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and all of these things. So independence is definitely part

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of that. So those are a lot of reasons right there, why it's so

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important to have those multi generational friendships. And it

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all really does come down to growing that self esteem like I

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talked about. And speaking of self esteem, you guys may 9

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through 14th Is the Ignite her joy parenting workshop. If you

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have not registered yet, be sure to go and register. It is Nelly

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hardin.com/ignite. And this is a recurring. So even if this is

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past May, when you are listening to this, that is okay, you can

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still go on and register for the next one. Because this is for

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people that want to walk away with an understanding of the

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thought process that your daughter has more than you've

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ever known before. How much would you love to know her

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thought process right? And be able to build that with her, you

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will be able to have a solid framework you can implement

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immediately to ground them in not grounding, as in punishment.

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We're talking about grounded real self esteem, not selfie

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esteem, self esteem. Okay, those are two very different things.

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We've all seen the teens and tweens that are all glum and

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melancholy, and even, you know, depressed looking. And then they

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put on this huge smile, snap a picture of themselves, and then

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they go to look at it. And as soon as they're looking at it,

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it's all glum and sad again, right? And that is not how we

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want our young women to be not at all and then have clarity

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over why decisions were made in the past. To know how you can

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help them make better decisions in the future, and have the

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tools to guide your daughter toward more joy than she has

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ever experienced before. This is for all parents that have

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children, young women between nine and 18, or on the way

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there, and I want to see you there. So Nellie

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hardin.com/ignite That is definitely where you want to go.

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Okay, you guys, that was a great episode today. I hope you're,

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you're young women, your children, all of your children

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go out and grab friendships and start cultivating those. And

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growing those friendships with people younger, the same age and

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older and even much older than they are, it will be a

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beautiful, beautiful thing. So next week, we will be back with

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another episode. And remember, keep teaching, keep laughing

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keep loving and above all, remember to keep showing up with

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intention in this 6570 days of the parenthood childhood

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experience, because they need you. Alright, everyone, have a

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great week.

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Thank you so much for listening today. And I hope you were able

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to take something from our discussion that you can use to

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build the foundation of self love leadership in your own

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family. If you are a parent with children, 17 or younger, and

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especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

Nellie Harden:

invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

Nellie Harden:

architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

Nellie Harden:

go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

Nellie Harden:

truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

Nellie Harden:

discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the

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you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the

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architects of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

Nellie Harden:

construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

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what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the

Nellie Harden:

foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.

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You can find your invitation on the front page of my website

Nellie Harden:

Nelly hardin.com. That is N E ll ie H AR d e n.com. Thank you

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again for being a part of this conversation today. And if

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something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

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please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

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Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

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information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

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so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

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strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

Nellie Harden:

thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see

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