Shownotes
Mindset has been worn down into slogans and morning-routine posters. This episode is for anyone who senses that real mindset is something quieter, the way you talk to yourself when something hard happens, and wants a foundation that holds under real pressure.
Host Nazish talks with Richard Perry about building resilience through awareness rather than force. Richard shares how meditation, the breath and everyday sound became his tools for catching anxious thoughts, letting them pass, and staying present.
About the Guest:
Richard Perry is an entrepreneur who has run many businesses and weathered years of stress and burnout before turning to meditation. He now uses breath and sound as tools for presence, and is writing In Search of the Perfect Guitar, a book on sound and meditation.
Key Takeaways:
- Real mindset is not a slogan. It is how you speak to yourself when something hard happens.
- Awareness comes first. You cannot change a thought you have not noticed.
- Thoughts pass. You choose which to engage and which to release.
- One point of focus, breath or sound, brings you back to the present.
Connect With the Guest:
- Website: theperfectguitar.com
- Book (forthcoming): In Search of the Perfect Guitar, sign up at theperfectguitar.com
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome to Mind Over Matter: why real mindset lives beneath the slogans
[03:30] When the Old Mindset Stopped Working: a hyperactive, reactive mind (approx.)
[09:00] The Retreat That Changed Things: the breath, and thoughts as passing phenomena (approx.)
[15:00] Sound as a Trigger: using a bird's chirp to wake up to the present (approx.)
[20:00] The Inner Dialogue: catching the negative tune before it replays (approx.)
[25:00] The Space Between the Notes: where stillness and clarity are born (approx.)
[28:30] Start With Five Minutes: one small action that can change everything (approx.)
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Transcripts
00:00:06 Nazish: Mindset has been one of the most overused words in the last decade. It has been wrapped with slogans sold in courses posted on a thousand morning routine dreams. And somewhere along the way, the actual meaning got buried under. The marketing mindset is not a poster. It is the inner architecture of you. Of you living inside when no one is watching you. It is the small inner voice you use to talk to yourself when something hard happens.
00:00:40 Nazish: Welcome back to Mind Over Matter. I am Nazish and this is a show where we explore the inner architecture of a resilient life, beyond slogans, beyond posters, and beyond the surface version of mindset. Tonight, conversation is about the foundation that actually hold up under real pressure, and the people who have built them honestly inside their own lives. My guest today is Richard Perry. Richard has spent serious time in the world of mindset and personal architecture. He brings a grounded presence that refuses the easy slogans. Richard, welcome to Mind over Matter. I'm so glad to have you here.
00:01:27 Richard Perry : Nazish. Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be here.
00:01:31 Nazish: Wonderful. Before we go ahead,
00:02:11 Nazish: So, Richard, I want to start with your personal story. Walk us back to a chapter of your life and mindset. When the mindset you had been operating from started to stop working. Like what were you noticing and what was the cost of holding on to the old mindset longer than it served you?
00:02:34 Richard Perry : Well, that's a great question. It's a foundational question. From the beginning, I had a hyperactive mind and thoughts just kept coming, and I was in a reaction mode most of my life. Uh, you know, a little bit of a, a bumpy road growing up because of it. And as time Progressed, I calmed, but I wasn't really learning how to, you know, cope with thoughts. I was just learning maybe how to listen a little bit better. So a few years ago, I was on a meditation retreat and I learned about, uh, focusing on the breath and seeing thoughts as a passing phenomena. And it was a bit obscure in the beginning until I began to meditate more and calm my mind. And it gave me the space to see thoughts rising. And at that point was really when the shift occurred, when I started to see thoughts as this passing phenomena and sort of choose which thoughts I want to engage with and In which thoughts I want to let go of.
00:04:01 Nazish: Yeah, that is that is very important. And, you know, the compassion in many ways is the actual foundation of the healthy mindset work.
00:04:10 Richard Perry : Yes. It's true. You know, I think the piece is a little underrated. People sometimes think, you know, I need to, you know, they know they need to meditate, but they're not quite sure what to do. And there are so many different types of meditation and so many different ways to achieve the same end result, which is to live, I think, a more calm and, uh, you know, more enjoyable life, a more contented life. And one of the most fundamental ways to do that, from my experience, and this is learned on retreat is just to focus on the breath. So a thought arises and you bring it back to the breath. And this process of repeatedly going back to the breath strengthens the ability to remain aware of thoughts as they arise. When situations occur, unhappy moments happen. Uh, someone says something that could be potentially offensive. Now you just see that thought, uh, for what it is as something you can choose to respond to or something that you can just let go. Lately, with my book In Search of the Perfect guitar, I discovered sound as my primary tool for focus. Because there are so many sounds around us, we have so many opportunities to sort of wake up in the present moment. I've begun to use sound as a trigger for helping me wake up to my experience in this moment, and to be more aware of seeing my thoughts as they arise.
00:06:08 Nazish: That is a beautiful practice. I see a lot of people don't realize what all sound can do, but you know, I believe many are going to explore it after this podcast.
00:06:20 Richard Perry : Well, I think there's, uh, there's a lot of validity behind following, uh, sounds as a practice. There's a lot of science behind just having a focus on a single object to build these patterns in our mind, these neuroplastic patterns that help change our mind. But I think for me, it began with a desire to be different, uh, to be more calm. I've run many businesses and it's always involved moments of chaos. And reacting is a good thing in terms of responding to something that happens. But emotionally, I found myself getting wrapped up into the drama of things and replaying situations over and over and having anxiety and worry. And this went on for decades, and it just got burned out. And it wasn't really the burnout that caused the change. It was learning a different way of coping with life and the ongoing, relentless obstacles that just keep coming my way. So again, sound because it's everywhere, has been an excellent life changing tool for me to sort of wake up in the moment. For example, a bird chirping when I hear a bird chirping. Now I actually wake up to the moment of being present. I know that sounds a little obscure, but it's, it's the idea to be, I mean, there really is no future. There is no past. I mean, these are intangible things. All we have here is the present moment. And I just want to be in that present moment As often as possible, to slow time down, to be grateful and to be aware. And that's why these practices and triggers especially serve the purpose to help me be in the present moment.
00:08:59 Nazish: Absolutely. Living in present is important if you keep on being stuck into the past or thinking too ahead in the future, it can put you in harm's way. So, you know, I want to ask you that that is a quiet version of this conversation. I want to honor like, which is the role of inner dialogue, which, you know, in a shaping of a person's life, the way you talk to yourself in your own head, often without realizing it's one of the most powerful architectural elements in our entire life. So what does a healthy inner dialogue actually sound like, you know, practice.
00:09:40 Richard Perry : Well, I think it's unique for every person. And I think the answer to that question is fairly obvious in terms of identifying what a healthy dialogue is and what an unhealthy dialogue is. And I think again, calming, uh, the body and following a sound or following the breath helps us to see these dialogues that rise up. And it may serve, uh, useful to decide whether or not those are healthy dialogues or not. Because if we're constantly worrying about something or we've made a decision about something and we constantly second guess that decision, you know, I think this can be a waste of. mental energy when that energy could be directed towards something that is more positive. You know, just seeing thoughts that are positive and staying with those thoughts, you know, again, it's it's replaying. The biggest problem that I've had through my life has been replaying the same negative tune. You know, it's and rehearsing and going over again and again, uh, a, a, a solution to a problem that I've already decided on a worry about something. My mom told me that ninety nine percent of the things I worry about never happened. And she's completely right. This has been proven over and over and over again. And when you sort of see that for yourself, You begin to wonder, why do I keep worrying about these things? And what can I do to stop? How can I change the inner dialogue to something that's more positive? And I think it just boils down to seeing and being reminded to see. And that's where those triggers come in. I'm always looking for ways to remind myself, to wake up to this present moment, and to see my thoughts and to not get lost in them. And as one teacher said, you can get jump on the thought bus and end up in a whole other town, you know? It's like getting lost in a thought. What purpose does it serve to get lost in a thought, unless it's intentional to try to solve a problem?
00:12:26 Nazish: And I think it is so that because so many people skip it and head straight to trying to replace the bad boys with a forced good one. And I guess that rarely works because the actual first step is being simply aware. That yeah.
00:12:50 Richard Perry : Yeah, definitely. I think awareness is perhaps the first step. You know, just mainly looking at your life and seeing if your life is working for you, that the way you think and the way that you are reacting is working. I mean, you could be perfectly fine and maybe that works for you. Everybody's different. I think awareness though, is, is the key. And awareness for me is the result of waking up to my thoughts and seeing them for what they are. I can't tell you the countless times that I have been wrapped up in a negative thought, and it just served no purpose, you know? Or worry about something that never happened. This goes on and on. I still see these thoughts rise. They don't really go away. They just become manageable. Something, a negative thought arises. I just breathe, let it go. If it's a worry about something, then I just identify if there's something I need to do to solve a particular problem and then discipline myself to not keep rehearsing what has already been resolved. And that's a big challenge for me Is to not rehearse and not be concerned about things that have already been decided. I just want to be in this present moment, alive, awake, not lost in my thoughts and just enjoying the beauty around me. Developing gratitude and remaining calm.
00:14:54 Nazish: Yeah, that is very important, I must say. And you know, awareness itself is such a big step for anybody to take. And it, it helps you, you know, heal without fighting any heal without immediately fighting it.
00:15:15 Richard Perry : Yes. And I'm not sure that healing for me has been an objective. I think it's more the path of letting go than it is healing. And maybe that's a form of healing. I don't really rehash the past. I don't go through, you know, and look at all the things that have caused problems for me in my life. I did that. I mean, I went through therapy, we went through couples counseling. I've been married a long time and we just don't rehash the past. I think rehashing the past is part of that attachment to unhealthy thoughts. It just serves no useful purpose to tell yourself, well, that's the way it's always been done. That's the way it was. This happened to me. That happened to me. And I know some of these things that happen to people are terrible, way worse than anything that has happened to me. And many of these things I'm sure, you know, have need for therapy. I'm not dismissing therapy. I'm just saying that I've been able to work through, or should I say, work past any of these things that have happened to me in my in my history by just not focusing on them anymore? And you know what? By not focusing on those thoughts, by seeing them and just moving past them, just letting them go by has actually become a reinforcement of a kind of new me, one that doesn't get stuck in the past, one that doesn't get stuck on anything that's happening in the present moment, and one that isn't stuck on the future and something that may or may not happen. So this constant practice of seeing thoughts and coming back to a particular sound and using this single focus has been the tool I've used to strengthen my ability to be in the present moment and see these thoughts for what they are just passing phenomena.
00:17:43 Speaker 1: Yes.
00:17:43 Nazish: Yeah. That is that is something very true. And, you know, tell me if I am reading this right. Like mindset is not a one time deal. It has to be maintained, updated, deepened across the seasons of life. So as we move toward this section, I want to ask you, what does the long arc of maturing mindset looks like across decades? Like, what is the inner posture that keeps the foundation alive through the seasons that life will inevitably bring?
00:18:21 Richard Perry : Well, I can say from people I know who are pretty advanced Practitioners. The calmest people that I know are those people who have had many years of meditation practice. And I know I keep referring back to meditation. It's almost like meditation, and focus is the answer to all of the similar questions. Long time practitioners know that when a thought arises and they move to focus on something else the breath, the sound of the breath, the cool air in through the nostrils and out, or to the focus on a single object such as a, a, a stone, or a sound. Just like now. If I just sit here. Quietly. I can hear her thoughts. I can see thoughts coming up like maybe I should say something. The quietness could be a little bit uncomfortable. The silence. Maybe the host will say, hello, are you there? And so all these thoughts, they come up and some of them say, yeah, I should probably say something. And another part of me says, well, maybe just remain in silence for a moment. And just watch the next thought rise. And just see it. Come and see it go. This is the fundamental practice that has served me well. And I know this has served my teachers well, and it served a many people that have, uh, what I would call become advanced. Practitioners.
00:20:30 Nazish: I agree that so this is so true. You know this is the incorrect. This is the encouragement is exactly what people in the middle of an upgrade need to hear. Because the in-between space where the old mindset has stopped working and the new one has yet not settled in, is often the most uncomfortable part of the journey. The doubt is so loud and the old patterns keep trying to reassert themselves, but the willingness to stay in the zone without panicking is so important.
00:21:07 Richard Perry : Yeah, well, in the book I'm writing In Search of the Perfect guitar, I talk a lot about the space between the notes, and I'll play a note. And then there is an empty space. It's a quiet. And I've come to realize that that empty space is the space where all things are born. So between the words that I say, there's an empty space and all things are born from that space. And the longer we can stay in that space quietly, the more we can see. I think it's the birthplace of all, all things. How could it not be? And it's a wonderful place to just sit with and just enjoy. Just the silence and that space between sounds.
00:22:09 Nazish: Yes, yes, that is, that is so true. So if any listener asked themselves today what foundational mindset element has been most asking for attention this season? What would honestly come up first?
00:22:29 Richard Perry : I would say to take action to do something. I mean, it's great to listen to podcasts and to read books and to hear what others say about meditation and even me. I think it's great and important, vital even to take a step to just take a moment and to just sit quietly, I think is the very first, most important step. Just to maybe ring up a bowl or a bell or something or nothing. Just sit quietly. And just watch thoughts. Just for five minutes a day. Could be life changing. It certainly has been for me.
00:23:26 Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:23:27 Nazish: Yes. That is that is very true. So, Richard, for any of my listeners who would want to connect with you and find your work, especially those ready to build a more honest, load bearing mindset, where can they find you?
00:23:45 Richard Perry : The perfect guitar dot com is the site where all things that I do, uh, are happening. And there's a sign up for my book that's currently underway In search of the Perfect Guitar, which is all about sound and meditation and waking up. And it's been a fabulous journey. So I hope, uh, visitors will go there and, and sign up and, uh, I can send information as the book, uh, readies itself for publication.
00:24:20 Nazish: Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I will make sure to include all these details into the show notes. And thank you, Richard. I think this is the kind of conversation mind over matter was built for grounded, honest, and free of slogans. And two listeners who were who are in the middle of building, rebuilding their inner foundation. I will leave you with this. The mindset you are looking for is not waiting on the other side, of course, or a slogan. It is being built inside you right now. So take care of yourself and keep building and we will meet you again in the next episode.
