Uncover the truth about therapy in this revealing video.

Join us as we dive deep into the complexities of the therapeutic relationship. Learn about the different types of therapy, the challenges patients and therapists face, and the reality behind the couch.

Discover the importance of setting realistic expectations and embracing the therapeutic process. Witness firsthand how therapy can be both rewarding and challenging.

Key points covered:

The reality of therapy: It's not always easy or comfortable.

Different types of therapy techniques and approaches.

The importance of setting realistic expectations.

The challenges faced by both patients and therapists.

The therapeutic process and its benefits.

Real-life examples of therapy sessions.

Don't miss this eye-opening video that sheds light on the true nature of therapy.

I’m Anxious and Can’t Stop Overthinking. Dialogues to Understand Anxiety,

Beat Negative Spirals,

Improve Self-Talk,

and Change Your Beliefs (The Path to Calm Book 19)

By Nick Trenton, narrated by russell newton.

A qualified psychologist will always tell any new client the same thing,

without fail - “What we talk about in our sessions stays in this room.

Whatever you say will remain confidential."

In this book,

however,

we’re going to get the chance to pull back the veil and peek into this

private sanctuary so we can see exactly what therapy is,

word for word,

session by session.

This is more than morbid curiosity,

however;

it’s a chance to experience what therapy really is,

from the inside out.

In the pages that follow,

you’ll be introduced to Leah,

who has decided to seek help for a range of diffuse but distressing life

problems,

and Dr. Amanda,

the therapist who will be accompanying her on her therapeutic journey,

helping her navigate a path through those problems one step at a time.

Leah,

of course,

is not a real person.

Neither is Dr. Amanda.

Yet,

their fictionalized dynamic interaction is,

in a way,

very real—it’s inspired by countless real-life sessions with real people

who have real concerns in day-to-day life.

People like you and me.

Therapy is a unique place.

Inside these quiet walls,

something uncommon is happening.

Therapy may look superficially like just “talk."

But dig a little deeper and you’ll see that it is a very specific kind of

talk.

Many of us are increasingly familiar with psychological terminology and the

theory behind it.

At the same time,

we may seldom get the chance to see what those ideas look like when played out

in real life.

Therapy,

simply,

is a flowing dialogue.

It's not something you simply read about—it’s something you do.

Something you experience.

Since the earliest historical conception of talk therapy,

people have understood that it’s conversation—especially therapeutic

conversation—that has the real power to bring insight into the way that

people are thinking,

feeling,

and acting.

What’s more,

this kind of conversation can act as a catalyst for doing something very

exciting - change.

A good therapist is skilled at asking just the right questions at just the

right time.

They can listen for trigger words,

become curious about inconsistencies,

carefully challenge your assumptions,

or gently guide your awareness to something you hadn’t quite noticed before.

In a very concrete way,

a therapist helps you slow down so that you can think and feel “out loud."

Working alongside you,

they become your second brain,

a pair of mental training wheels that help you keep your balance as you learn

new skills,

heal from old wounds,

and steer your life back in the direction you want it to go.

Self-help books,

blog posts,

and journal articles are all great ways of exposing yourself to interesting new

information.

But they can never replace this interactive,

dynamic,

therapeutic relationship.

They will never reflect anything back to you.

They cannot recreate the powerful,

generative back-and-forth of a genuine discussion.

A self-help book—even a really good one—can never ask you a question or

show real human interest in your answer.

Understanding the content in a journal article doesn’t make you any more

skilled at mastering the problems it talks about.

And a fact sheet you find online cannot witness you—it cannot reflect on the

individual that you are right here,

right now.

This is where this book comes in.

Sadly,

many of us will not be able to access the kind of life-enriching conversation

that’s possible in good therapy.

That may be because we cannot afford it,

we don’t have access to it,

or we’ve simply already tried it in the past but found ourselves with a

practitioner who was under-skilled or not right for us.

Raising your psychological awareness is always valuable,

and reading up about things like depression and anxiety can be useful.

At the end of the day,

however,

transformation,

healing,

and maturation are all things that happen outside the therapy room,

off the page,

and out there,

in the real world—as messy and unpredictable as that world can be.

My hope is that in the chapters that follow,

you’ll not only enjoy the story of a person bravely working through the

obstacles and challenges they face,

but you’ll also start to recognize some of yourself in the conversations that

unfold.

In glimpsing behind the scenes,

you may find yourself developing compassion for Leah—and perhaps developing a

lot more of it for yourself in the process.

It’s true that no two people are the same;

the person you see depicted in these pages may be very different from you in

important ways.

There are,

however,

more than a few fundamental similarities in the ways that we all become

“stuck,” wrestle with our demons,

and gradually find ways to open a window in our awareness and begin to see

things in a new way.

As you watch Leah improve in fits and starts,

make breakthroughs,

relapse and then break through again,

wrestle with self-doubt,

and contend with shame,

vulnerability,

and uncertainty,

you may discover that your own attitude to those phenomena in yourself changes.

Eminent psychologist Albert Bandura had a theory of “social learning” that

posited that human beings are unique in their ability to watch others and learn

from them vicariously.

Through the stories and experiences we see in others,

and by observing other people and modeling our behavior on theirs,

we can expand our own skills.

By reading this book,

you are in effect practicing and rehearsing exactly the kind of dialogue that

is at the heart of the transformative therapeutic experience.

As you read,

pause now and again to see what you’d say next.

Notice your own reactions to what Leah shares and how she behaves.

Give yourself the opportunity to see what you think about the way the therapist

deals with these things,

and why.

Now and then do you recognize the voice of Leah in yourself?

In the same way,

do you have your own internal version of Dr. Amanda the therapist,

who is wise and kind and believes in the best in people?

At the end of each chapter/session,

you’ll be prompted to reflect on things in this way—think of it as a kind

of meta-therapy for you to engage in.

A few caveats before we dive in,

however -

•There are many,

many different kinds of therapy.

Some of the techniques Dr. Amanda uses will be familiar to you,

and some won’t.

Even if you don’t like or understand an approach she takes,

see if you can move beyond deciding whether it’s good or bad,

and simply become curious about why this way of doing things doesn’t appeal

to you personally right now.

All these things are “grist for the mill”—meaning that any reaction you

have may yield valuable insight if engaged with in a spirit of respectful,

compassionate curiosity.

•That said,

even though Amanda is a hypothetical therapist,

I wanted to make her seem as real as possible—and that meant making her a

unique,

flawed human being with a few blind spots of her own!

Bluntly,

Dr. Amanda doesn’t always get it right.

Pay attention to where you think she takes the wrong path or says the wrong

thing.

Notice,

especially,

whether perfection is even necessary for growth and connection.

Notice how Leah responds,

how Dr. Amanda handles her own missteps ...and how you might.

•Be mindful of your expectations.

Real,

in-person therapy is not a picnic.

It’s not meant to be.

Some people,

especially those who have never stuck with a therapist for longer than a few

sessions,

may assume that therapy is simply there to make you feel good.

They may unconsciously believe that the therapist’s job is to build them up,

flatter them,

soothe them,

supply them with excuses and permissions,

or validate their self-diagnoses.

The truth,

however,

is that therapy is often difficult.

It’s sometimes scary,

confusing,

or just plain boring.

It’s not entertainment,

it’s not a product to be consumed,

and it’s not merely a friendly chat with someone who will,

out of kindness,

allow you to hold on to your illusions.

•What is presented in these dialogues is compressed for ease of

reading—real transcripts of real therapy would be too long-winded to be

readable.

Suspend your disbelief,

if you can,

and imagine that the conversation presented here is more illustrative than it

is strictly accurate.

•Finally,

therapy also takes time—because growth and healing take time.

So,

as you read,

be patient with Leah.

She’s doing important work;

it’s work that takes time and isn’t always simple or glamorous.

Be patient,

too,

with Amanda—she is not a wise guru on a mountaintop,

but a human being.

She has training and good intentions and is doing her best.

But again,

she is a human being,

and she is figuring it all out with Leah,

not for her.

Session 1 It was a chilly October morning,

and Leah didn’t know if her hands were shaking because of the cold or because

she was about to meet Dr. Amanda Lindhurst,

the psychotherapist whom she had spoken to on the phone yesterday but hadn’t

yet met in person.

Was this a stupid idea?

I can’t believe how expensive this is.

Maybe this was a mistake—after all,

I bet she sees people who are really messed up all the time,

not like me ... The door to the reception room opened,

and Dr. Amanda appeared.

“Hello—it’s Leah,

isn’t it?

Please,

won’t you come in?"

Dr. Amanda didn’t look quite like Leah had imagined.

She was dressed quite plainly,

and as they walked into her “office,” she was surprised to see that her

surroundings were just as ordinary.

The only thing to suggest that this wasn’t just a normal living room was the

very obvious arrangement of the chairs—they were pushed to gently face one

another at a forty-five-degree angle,

and at once Leah was struck by the idea that the chairs were already engaged in

a private session of their own.

The pair sat,

and Leah perched on the edge of her seat,

trying—and failing—to find somewhere to rest her gaze.

She couldn’t think of what to do or say,

so she defaulted to her usual habit - apologizing.

“I’m sorry,” she gushed.

“I haven’t done this before.

I don’t really know how we start or anything."

“That’s perfectly okay.

You’re here now,

and it’s good to meet you."

She didn’t say anything further,

and Leah’s heart was now very definitely pounding.

Her face felt hot.

In a flash,

she decided that she hated therapy and was never coming back.

This was just too awkward.

Plus,

it was really,

really expensive.

“I’m not even sure if this is the right place for me,

actually,” Leah said.

“I just ...I just don’t know what to do anymore,

and I need some help.

Everyone says you should get therapy,

but I’m not super depressed or anything like that.

It’s just more like ...well ...” Dr. Amanda didn’t jump in to speak.

Her face was quiet and calm.

Leah could tell she was listening.

Strangely,

this freaked her out.

“Okay,

well.

The reason I’m here is because,

I guess,

I’m quite shy.

I’m an introvert,

you see.

Like I said on the phone yesterday,

I’m in my second year of my degree,

but college has just been hell.

I’m finding it really difficult to make friends.

Dating is just ...a disaster.

I don’t know,

maybe I have low self-esteem.

I don’t know.

I mean,

my childhood was fine,

and like,

I don’t want to take any medications or anything like that ...” Here,

Dr. Amanda spoke.

“It sounds to me like there are lots of things going on in your world right

now."

Leah scoffed.

“Lots of things?

Only everything."

To her surprise,

Leah found herself instantly emotional.

She fought back a tear.

“I’m sorry ...” she said,

and quickly wiped it away.

“Leah,

I can see that there are many things upsetting you right now.

You’ve taken a big step today,

coming to see me.

That’s probably a little scary,

right,

and maybe you’re not sure about it?"

“Well,

I’m sure you have,

like,

real patients come in here with real problems,

and I’m just complaining about nothing,

but ...” “You think your problems are not real enough for therapy?

Well,

why don’t you tell me a little more about what the problem is before we

decide it’s not important?"

“Okay.

Well ...the problem is I’m shy.

I’m too shy."

“You’re too shy.

Okay.

Can you tell me about why you’ve come to therapy now?

I’m wondering if something happened recently,

something that made you feel you were too shy?"

“Well,

I don’t know.

We had this presentation in our tutorial group.

And I completely messed it up.

It was so humiliating.

Everyone could tell how nervous I was,

and it was so embarrassing.

I just felt their eyes on me,

and I went blank.

I couldn’t speak.

And they were all watching me and judging me.

I felt like I wanted to curl up and die."

“What did it feel like in your body when all this was happening?"

“Well ...” Leah struggled to explain the experience.

How could she describe the choking,

closing-in feeling in her throat?

The burning shame on her cheeks?

The sensation of her insides liquifying?

“I felt like ...I felt like ...” “Maybe,” said Dr. Amanda,

“you could tell me what you feel right now as you remember that moment."

Leah blinked.

“As you sit on that chair,

Leah,

tell me what it feels like,

thinking back to that moment."

Leah was suddenly aware of just how far forward she was sitting in her seat.

It was as though she suddenly zoomed out and saw herself—hunched over,

tense,

neck craned,

body curled in on itself.

All at once she noticed how quickly she was speaking,

how tight and small her voice was,

how she was still avoiding eye contact.

She straightened up a little and sat back into the seat.

“I feel ...a little like I felt then.

Scared.

My heart’s going really fast."

For a moment,

neither of them said a word.

Then,

Dr. Amanda said,

“Leah,

I see a lot of people who experience anxiety of all kinds."

“Wait,

anxiety?

I don’t have anxiety!"

“No?"

“No way.

Like I said,

I don’t need medication or anything.

I’m fine.

Just a little shy."

“Are you worried that I’m going to suggest you take medication?"

“Well,

I guess.

I really don’t want to."

“Don’t worry,

I certainly won’t force you!

Let’s just take a breather for a moment here so I can explain what I do.

I’m a cognitive behavioral therapist,

which means I use a Cbt approach.

To put it very simply,

what I do is look at you as a whole person,

and that includes your thoughts,

your feelings,

and your behavior.

You see,

your thoughts influence your feelings,

and your feelings influence your thoughts."

“And does your behavior influence your thoughts?"

“What do you think?"

Leah considered this.

“I think they all influence each other,” she said at last.

“I think so too,

Leah.

And I think that even as we look at these three things and how they affect one

another,

we also need to look at what’s going on around you—your environment.

Because your environment is influencing you,

but you can also in turn influence it.

Does that sound like a reasonable way of thinking about things?"

Leah nodded.

“You’ve mentioned twice now the issue of medication.

Now,

that’s certainly something that’s appropriate for some people.

There’s nothing wrong with taking medication for an anxiety disorder or

something else,

but there’s lots we can do together without it."

“I really don’t want to.

I’m not crazy,” Leah said quickly.

Again,

there was a pause in the conversation.

“In my work with people with anxiety,

I sometimes slow everything right down so we can take a close look at the

thoughts people are having.

I’m sure you can guess why I’m so nosy about their thoughts,

right?"

“Why?"

“Well,

because their thoughts tell me a little bit about their feelings ...” “And

their feelings tell you about their behaviors,” said Leah,

completing the thought.

“Exactly,” said Dr. Amanda.

She drew a small triangle in the air.

“Thoughts,

behaviors,

emotions—they all influence one another."

Leah leaned back in the chair,

trying to figure out what any of this had to do with her making a fool of

herself in her tutorial group.

“A moment ago,

you said something to me,” continued Dr. Amanda.

“You said I don’t want to take medication.

I’m not crazy."

“Yeah ...” “Do you think you’re crazy,

Leah?"

“Well,

no.

I’m not.

Obviously.

But ...” “Yes?"

“Sometimes ...sometimes I guess I do things that maybe seem crazy to other

people."

“Like struggle to give a presentation during your tutorial group?"

Leah said nothing.

“Sometimes,” said Dr. Amanda,

“when I’m feeling anxious,

I have this thought .- People are going to think I’m crazy.

Have you ever had this thought?"

“I’m having it right now,” said Leah with a dry laugh.

“You are?"

Leah balked.

It was a joke she hadn’t expected to be taken seriously.

“Well ...kind of.

I mean,

maybe you think I’m crazy."

“Why would I think you’re crazy?"

“I don’t know ...because I’m sitting here all stressed and strung out.

I can’t explain myself properly."

“So maybe you’re thinking,

Dr. Amanda can see I’m stressed,

and she thinks I’m crazy."

“Do you think that?"

“I’m curious to see if you think that."

Leah chewed her lip.

“The thing I’m thinking is not that exactly.

It’s more like ...well,

that everyone thinks I’m a loser.

I’m an introvert.

And people hate introverts."

“Do they?"

“Totally.

They don’t understand that it’s harder for me."

“Socializing is harder?

Why should it be harder for you?"

“Well,

I don’t know ...I’m an introvert.

I’ve never found it easy.

And when people see you struggling,

they hate it.

They don’t like introverts.

It’s a fact."

Dr. Amanda took a deep breath.

“Leah,

can we try something quickly?"

“Sure."

“Remember what I said about the triangle?

About how thoughts and feelings and behaviors are connected?"

“Yes."

“Well,

I’m curious to understand how these beliefs fit into your life."

“What beliefs?"

“Well,

the belief that you’re a loser,

that you’re an introvert,

and that people hate introverts."

“That’s not a belief.

That’s just the truth."

“Okay.

What I’m curious to know is how that makes you feel?"

Leah smirked.

“Yeah,

I know ...sometimes therapists really do ask that question!"

They both chuckled a little but quickly became serious again.

“What kind of emotions do you feel when you think the thought,

I’m a loser and an introvert and people hate me?"

Leah was taken aback.

“I didn’t say that people hate me."

“Didn’t you?"

“Well,

no,

I guess I did.

It’s just ...” “It’s quite a harsh thing to say about yourself,

isn’t it?"

“Yeah."

“How does it feel?"

“Well,

obviously it feels awful!"

Outside,

the light was fading.

“If you closed your eyes right now and thought,

Dr. Amanda hates me;

everyone hates me,

what does that feel like in your body?

Can you tell me?"

“It feels like ...like I want to die.

It feels so bad."

“I see you’re slumped in your chair again."

Leah looked down.

It was true.

“I feel so ...small,” she said.

This surprised her.

She hadn’t thought of it that way before,

but that was exactly what it felt like - smallness.

When she thought people hated her,

she felt tiny,

insignificant,

and invisible.

Like a little,

worthless,

crushed thing.

“When you feel like that,” continued Dr. Amanda,

“when you feel small like that,

what do you do?

How do you act?"

This question somehow felt easier for Leah to answer,

and she answered immediately.

“I do nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I don’t speak.

I just hide in the background like a loser."

Quiet again.

“I wonder,

then,” said Dr. Amanda very slowly,

“what exactly it is that’s making you feel like a loser."

Leah immediately blurted out,

“Other people ...they hate me,” but something strange happened as she did.

She realized that she wasn’t sure if she really believed it.

Her voice trailed off.

The rest of the session passed quickly and uneventfully.

Leah,

feeling a little exposed and embarrassed,

retreated somewhat,

and the pair chatted comfortably about this and that until the hour is up.

Leah agreed to see Dr. Amanda the following week and left,

but as she walked into the reception area and out into the cool October night,

she felt more confused than before.

All on the journey home she found herself returning to memories of snippets of

conversation—what exactly is it that made her feel like a loser?

It was a strange question,

and one that Dr. Amanda had not given her an answer to.

She turned the experience over in her mind again and again.

Therapy had not been what she had expected.

Dr. Amanda was far sweeter,

far kinder than she had guessed,

and she seemed to genuinely listen to what Leah had to say.

At the same time,

Leah was a little surprised at how Dr. Amanda hadn’t seemed the least

interested in her childhood and hadn’t wanted to talk about her being an

introvert.

She looked down at her lap at the printed-out exercise sheets that Dr. Amanda

had assigned her for “homework."

She’d scanned through them,

and they seemed like kindergarten exercises.

Did Dr. Amanda think she was some kind of moron?

The hour had flown by,

and they had talked so much,

but Dr. Amanda hadn’t diagnosed her with anything,

or asked about any childhood trauma,

or given her any kind of test ... Leah hadn’t dared breathe a word to her

about ...the other stuff.

The drinking.

About her mother and the medication she had taken right up until her death and

how it had scared Leah so badly she had vowed never to touch pills again,

not even a Panadol for a headache.

She definitely hadn’t mentioned anything about Bradley,

about how bad things had been last year,

about any of it ... By the time Leah arrived at home,

she had convinced herself that the only reason she’d felt a little better

after the session was because she had successfully concealed from the doctor

just what a mess she was.

The therapist was nice and all,

but she clearly had no idea what she was dealing with.

This Cbt stuff was bogus,

anyway—it was just too simplistic for a person so badly messed up as Leah.

At home she tossed the homework pages in the trash and told herself that

she’d go to one more session,

but no more.

She kicked off her shoes,

grabbed a beer from the fridge,

and collapsed onto the sofa,

where she scrolled through her phone for the next two hours.

Reflect

•What did you make of the first session between Leah and Dr. Amanda?

•What do you think Dr. Amanda was trying to get Leah to understand by

explaining the “triangle” of thoughts,

emotions,

and behaviors?

•What is your response when Leah claims that “people hate introverts” is

not a belief but plain fact?

What would you say to her if she kept on insisting that she was upset because

people hated her?

•Finally,

what obstacles can you predict may pose a problem in the future for Leah and

her time with Dr. Amanda?

Dr. Amanda is right—anxiety is pretty common.

People tend to misunderstand what it means,

however.

Anxiety is more than “stress”—it’s a state of prolonged unease,

nervousness,

and worry that occurs persistently in situations where there is no immediate

threat.

While fear is a natural physiological reaction designed to keep us safe,

anxiety is a more generalized and continuous reaction of fear to things that

are generally safe.

Anxiety can manifest itself in many different ways—in phobias and panic,

in social anxiety (like Leah,

as we’ll see shortly),

or in general worry and rumination that doesn’t seem to settle on anything in

particular.

Anxiety is not “all in the head”—it’s very much in the body!

Faulty appraisals of threat in the environment trigger a cascade of chemical

reactions in the body (the fight-or-flight response)

that,

when prolonged,

can lead to symptoms like insomnia,

muscle aches and pains,

headaches,

palpitations,

shortness of breath,

gut issues,

irritability,

and behaviors like constant checking,

nail-biting,

rumination,

and reassurance seeking,

to name just a few.

Leah has found herself with a therapist who practices Cbt—which is the form

of therapy most recommended for anxiety.

Cbt works by examining and gently reworking the negative core beliefs and

thoughts that contribute to anxiety.

Though medication is an option,

there are plenty of ways to find relief without it,

and things like exercise and meditation can be just as effective.

This has been

I’m Anxious and Can’t Stop Overthinking. Dialogues to Understand Anxiety,

Beat Negative Spirals,

Improve Self-Talk,

and Change Your Beliefs (The Path to Calm Book 19) By Nick Trenton, narrated by russell newton.