Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, to provide encouragement, guidance, and tips for families selling the senior home of a loved one.
First: get your legal paperwork in order. Rebecca says, “We can't emphasize it enough. People do not want to have these conversations, because it means that there's gonna come a time when you're very competent, bright, active, athletic, very sharp mom or dad can't make decisions for themselves anymore. Nobody wants to imagine that possibility. But when families don't get those documents in place, then they get caught in crises where somebody needs to be making the decisions and no one has the authority to do so.
“I'm working with a family right now where the son lives out of state. Mom was declining, he had her power of attorney ready, he sent it to me in an email. We got it recorded with the county. He was able to sign papers for his mom two days later to get her house sold. There was no scramble, there was no stress, and we were able to begin and get funds in for her care immediately. Contrast that with another client I took care of this year, where there wasn't a power of attorney. His wife is on the house's title, but she never signed a power of attorney over to her husband, and now had dementia. He couldn't sell his home because no one could sign for her, and he had to go through three months of a legal conservatorship through the court just to sell his own home. So, that's the difference between having those papers prepared and not.”
Second: “If mom or Dad are going to be in the home while the house is getting ready for sale, choose professionals to come in and help your family through this journey who are experienced and understand the delicacy of talking to someone who has advancing dementia or Alzheimer's. You don't want someone just barreling in, just because they have a real estate license, and talking about things that are going to cause anxiety and send the person with dementia into a disorientation, into an emotional tailspin, confusing them. This needs a very delicate touch, and it requires experience, empathy, and knowing how to navigate around those big decisions while mom or dad are there, and how to take the important things out of earshot or out of sight. I helped a couple recently, and I knew that she would forget who I was after our visit. I'd visit again and talk to her husband, and she would introduce herself to me over and over on each successive visit, even though we saw each other 30 or 40 times over the course of a few months. I just gently said hello, it's great to see you. How is your day going? I just smiled, brought a smile to her face. I didn't try to make her remember me. I'm just there to help her feel comfortable and at ease.
“For families that are choosing a real estate agent, vet them offsite first. Meet at a Starbucks or a local restaurant, have coffee, talk to them, ask them what is your philosophy of caring for people who have Alzheimer's or dementia. Find out how they talk about it, see how their inner-personal skills are, before bringing them into the home where mom or dad is, and see you know how they act around those topics. Also, ask about their experience, how many times have they been involved with a situation like this, and find out if they're experienced. Other elder care providers might be able to give a reference to the real estate agent that is sensitive to that.”
Learn more at SASH Services or call 888-400-7274. Also check out SASH's resources at AFE's website.
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