We spend a lot of time trying to get into relationships. We spend a lot of time thinking and talking about our relationships. But have you ever defined what a successful relationship would be like for you?
Listen in as we discuss the topic from different perspectives and clarify what happy ever after would be for you.
Transcript
[00:00]
Welcome to honest talk about heartbreak, dating and relationships, relationships, the podcast helping you navigate your path to happy ever after with your host, Rob McPhillips. So if we start individually, we can be extroverts are going to right. So five minutes really thinking about what what would you have to have to have your personal happy ever after? And it may be that you want to move or turn your camera off or whatever while you think about that, and then we'll go into the into the groups.
[00:46]
So I'm going to be here for a minute while I had everyone else. I know some people who come in and just for the recording, because I always forget about that.
[00:59]
But if you're listening along afterwards, he also it because I think it's really important that you have your definition before you listen to anyone else. So the question is, what would happy ever after look like? And the answer is going to be different for each of us, but there probably are going to be some common themes, so. He would like to share what they discussed or their. Vision. I'll go first on the news for an hour. So this is going to be a good time to mention I, I am on that spectrum.
[01:44]
So for me, someone who understands the news, who understands that I might say the wrong thing occasionally and I might not react in the same way and I might not laugh. You joke. You don't get it. I actually have to ask. I'm sorry. Are you being sarcastic? Which isn't so I'm not being sarcastic. I'm genuinely asking how are you being sarcastic? Because I got so, uh. But yeah, just someone who likes to laugh as well because I'm a bit, I'm a bit silly.
[02:10]
I've got better sense of humor like a pun. So someone who is not too strict about things but I do like to set routines. I go in this day, that day and that day and night and then like gets disrupted. I got a bit like that because the way my brain works, so someone who's OK with my little sort of like what the word be, I think the way to be not certain way like little idiosyncrasies. Someone is OK with those.
[02:39]
Yeah, but, um, I'm pretty easygoing in every respect, so as long as they're all right with me forgetting to take the Benzal occasionally and talking, not talking over, talking over them when I watch to because I've already seen the film, I don't know what they're gonna know what's gonna happen other than that. Yeah, I'm pretty much fine as long as I'm not a huge drinker. So and anyone who goes out on the set, everyone I know, I'm not I'm not.
[03:01]
I'm not I'm not aware of that. But yeah. Over the night. Yeah. I'm pretty easy going to be honest.
[03:06]
Okay. So you want to be understood. Really. Yeah, understood. But also I just I understand because of my previous relationships that it's give and take on both sides. So, you know, as long as they are a bit patient with me, I'll be very understanding with them.
[03:20]
So, you know, it's really tricky for Sharon and anyone else. Shall I say something or just, you know, there's a little arrow in here coming to the rescue again for this silence?
[03:36]
Well, I just thought the silence was a bit deafening for me. Yeah, OK. So from my point of view. I suppose so with me, it's something I've not really had properly, my relationships, and I don't know what not, but it will be a much more closer connection. So it will be a case of a little bit like what was described just now. But it's I suppose it's. They have now, if there will be where I feel that that person is always on my side doesn't matter.
[04:19]
I'm not expecting that person to agree with me all the time because that will be unrealistic. But I expect them to be honest and they expect them to be have my best interests at heart. So basically, when they say something to me, it's because they are thinking the best of me. So if they say, I don't think you're right about that is going to go wrong, they're actually trying to prevent me from making a mistake.
[04:46]
I may not agree with the. But also to seem to agree to be able to talk really on things rather than deteriorating into some sort of I don't like I don't mind arguments, it can even be a heated argument for health care. But not just I don't know why, but it really has a very negative effect for me. I like to just be able to talk to people, discuss things. So for me, it's a case of saying. You know, working together through life's ups and downs, but I accept that there will be issues and problems, but so long as I feel that that person is always on my side, that for me creates a trust, a bond.
[05:37]
And that for me is the one, the most important things in a relationship that I know that I can trust them with whatever happens. And if I'm down. You know, if they told me this isn't going to work forever and I don't listen to her and I get on with it and it all blows up in my face just the way she said it was going to be, what it does is rolled up their sleeves and gets Maxin and helps me sort it out, because what that does next time round is for me to say I was I was an idiot.
[06:09]
I should sat there and listen. I didn't see what was coming for some reason. And, you know, I've got to pay more attention next time in my previous relationships. It's not been like that. I mean, I've had to make the decisions because there was a little dithering going on. And then when it did blow up in my face, the other person just stood on the sidelines and told me, I told you so. And, you know, I don't I don't particularly need that at that point.
[06:36]
I just need someone to help me out. Even if it was deserved, I would suggest that everyone makes a mistake. And therefore, if you are meant to be partners in life, because for me, I mean, in the last week we were talking about the fact that we had a lot of independent people and that's how the women were independent, rightly so. And they were quite openly saying, we don't actually need them. And as such, to buy me things or do this or do that because they're independent, they can manage their own life.
[07:06]
But actually, we all need somebody. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. So we need somebody to share our life with. It's a journey and we want to share that journey with someone. That means that someone is there to help you when you fall down and help you along and on Monday fall down, you are there to help them. Yeah. So for me, they're for the happily ever after isn't necessarily everything is going to be peachy, but that we can work through the rough times together without it getting becoming a negative event that we actually get through them together.
[07:39]
You know what, the bond is stronger because we help each other out. We got through it, OK? We might have got a little bit stressed at times. But the point is, you know, we we work through it like two adults. We discussed our issues and problems. We agreed our way forward. And, you know, we are stronger as a result. That's kind of where I am, but anyway, I don't know if that makes everybody confused now as to.
[08:09]
Nothing to me seems quite clear, and I like what the government says, is that basically a couple of really good marriages or relationships are based on what is it like, baby, when you have the whole world stops.
[08:29]
So the focus of each other is to like, if one if one's down and one's having a hard time or, you know, whatever the other ones are there for them, is that teamwork? Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Has anyone else or if anyone doesn't want to actually talk to that, but they can put it in check. Laura? Did you talk? Yeah, you still meet its. The muted on me. OK, yes, sorry if you've heard this before, my great, but for me that happy ever after, I guess the focus was on that word happy having been in quite an unhappy relationship.
[09:21]
And it was like, I want to feel happy in my relationship and I want to know that the other person feels happy in the relationship too. We we laugh together. We share love, a kind of emotional level, physical level, mental level, bizarre, maybe a spiritual connection to its connection. It's meaningful. It is mutually supportive and nurturing from this group. I've also loved learning has taken place the having skills, you know, the skills of communication.
[10:03]
Problem-Solving, what can we bring to a problem that's arising in our relationship? How are we going to deal with it so that it doesn't destroy our relationship would be really important as well, so that we can work together to support each other through problems and deal with the problems that arises from our dynamic in the relationship. Yes, so when I listen to that, what I'm hearing is. Is it's about fundamentally you've been happy and also the other partner being happy, and then it's about when you look at being happy.
[10:49]
It's like riding a wave. This is the metaphor that comes to mind, and it's about when the seas are choppy. And how do you navigate?
[10:59]
How do you balance and stay on top of that so that you you don't allow, like, the waves of life and rough seas to come between you, which I think is basically that the struggle that most relationships have is when times get tough, everything that they had was built on this fragile relationship, this fragile tie that when other things could come between them, tear them apart.
[11:34]
Is that yeah, yeah, yeah, I can kind of relate to that, the end of the match for the sea, calm waters, stormy waters riding the wave, but also like navigating the seas about the skills of sailing, about what you do, you know, dealing with the wind, et cetera. So it's not just like. Going with it, I guess you've got to try and proactively develop together the skills to deal with the rough, you know, stormy weather.
[12:16]
OK. And I just. Can I just add. For me, it's important to have mental stimulation. And a part of that is to be with somebody who, yes, you have shared and common interests, but having different interests as well so that we're not carbon copies of each other, we bring new and interesting ideas or experiences into the relationship and that that would keep me interested. So that will keep me happy.
[12:57]
That will keep you also. Being possessive, needy, living in each other's back pocket does not mean I don't have to see you every day.
[13:12]
I don't have to see you, you know, all the time.
[13:20]
