OUR HOSTS: 

Corinne Foxx - @corinnefoxx

Natalie McMillan - @nataliemcm and @shopnataliemcmillan 

What we're drinking: Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar Refresher 



TOPIC: 

We asked the Am I community to send in questions for solicited advice, and on today’s episode, we’re sharing our personal experiences and letting you know what the experts have to say about a variety of topics. 

We cover the pros and cons of dating while getting divorced and explain how to navigate toxic family dynamics. We also highlight tips for managing social anxiety and talk about what to know before getting your first tattoo.  

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why experts are firmly against dating before your divorce is finalized 
• Simple ways to hype yourself up before an event 
• Ideas for small steps to get more comfortable in social situations 
• What to do if you have manipulative in-laws 
• Tools to establish boundaries and articulate consequences with family members 
• Natalie’s approach to deciding on a tattoo design and artist 

RESOURCES: 

Episode 61. Navigating Adult Relationships With Your Parents  

END OF THE SHOW: 

Corinne and Natalie introduce Hottie of the Week: Sarah Jessica Parker 

DRINK RATING:

Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar Refresher  = 8 / SJP

WRAP UP:

To wrap up the episode, Corinne and Natalie play Fuck, Marry, Kill. Nat has to rank Sex in the City, Friends, and The Office while Corinne chooses between iconic Tim Burton movies: Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, and Big Fish. 

We have a newsletter for our Am I community. You can sign up for the newsletter on our website: amidoingthisrightpod.com

You can email us for episode ideas or Solicited Advice: amidoingthisrightpod@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @amidoingthisrightpod 

Don't forget to rate and review the podcast! It really helps us grow!

Hey welcome back to another episode of am I doing this right? I'm Corinne Foxx.

And I'm Natalie McMillan

and we are best friends confidants millennials and the hosts of am I doing this right? A life how to podcast from the perspective of non experts.

And each week we cover a new topic and we drink a new fun Bevy

fun Bevy beverage. You know, we keep it tight. I'm not wow, people

are clicking off. Oh, my

gosh. Oh, you guys. Well, this is really don't click, don't click off, because this is a really exciting episode, because we are doing finally, we've switched the name, but it's the same solicited advice, advice, advice you asked? And we answered, and we're gonna be going through questions that you guys wrote in, either on Instagram or email. We've been wanting to do this for so long. We've done it in the past. We did it. It was called random advice. And then we realized it's not really random, because you guys have written in Yes. And we ask for it. Right? Yeah. We asked, we're like sending your stuff. Yes. And, and it is solicited. So yes, so we're doing solicited advice, which also I think it's such a great way to remember that you guys are listening in a community. Like there's a bunch of guys. And I think even hearing the questions and like, the situations that other listeners are going through, we'll just hopefully make you guys feel more connected to each other. I

know. Well, and also, I think that it's helpful to know that we actually do care. Like we know who you are, like when we get DMS and stuff we're like, we have certain listeners that write in a lot more like oh my gosh, I wonder how like X, Y and Z is today. You know, like we know who you guys are.

We love when you guys engage with us like Instagram, whatever. If you guys ever DM us, we DM you back

immediately.

Okay, so now what are we doing on our fun advice episode? So

I think you've you've probably already had this before. I've had this before, and I really like it and I have a feeling you will like it if you haven't already. It is the brag. Oh, the apple cider vinegar refresher.

But I mean, I've had apple cider vinegar from this brand, but I have not had the refresher like you've just had their regular Yeah, like I've just taken Yeah, yeah, yeah, ever. Okay, wait, wait, you just shook this up.

This. I've had this before. This is not carbonated.

Are you sure?

I'm 1,000% Positive. Okay, watch it explode. Okay, now

because I don't know if anyone was listening to the other episode, but Natalie did have a huge hit live on the podcast. So I just

thought I have had this one before so I do know that it's not Whoa, anyway.

Oh, my God has had a sip of it. While we while we while we khazali. That is wild, quiet. Oh. Okay. So we're gonna write that at the end of the episode, but I really think not. We should just we should die. Because I want to give everyone their moment. Yes, yes. Okay. Let's get into it. Yes.

Do you want to go with the first one? Okay, DM number one.

Do you remember what? Also these are always anonymous? Oh, yeah.

We will never say who you are, what your name is? No, your whatever we're giving you advice on confidentiality here? Absolutely. Okay. This DM says, I'm in the process of getting a divorce. Should I wait to date? Or should I go for it now? Ooh. What are your thoughts on that?

Okay. Hmm. Okay, so, I have questions I wish that could be answered. I feel like by the time that you are getting a divorce, you separately, you know, like you've been separated. Right. Right. Right on the relationship in

the process of getting a divorce. Yeah.

I think if you feel like I'm ready to be out there, then you should. I mean, yeah, you're not with this person. I mean, legally, sometimes divorces take forever and be even finalized and even years. So I'm like, if you're in a place where you're like, I feel like ready, I'm healed enough. That part flag flag, flag, flag, flag, flag flag healed enough to actually be in a relationship with somebody, then yes, but also if you just want to, like hook up that to is totally cool. Yes. But I think we want you coming from a healed play. Right? And that was what I was also,

I was like, you know, what, if you're the whole thing is, obviously the relationship has ended. And we're in the process of legally dissolving it. I felt the same way. And then, you know, we got to give expert advice, because we're not experts, but

the way that We do this as we give our advice. And then we've actually researched like, what maybe should you actually do?

Yes. And I was very surprised to be honest, because I did not see a single expert say that you should date. I know, this is why we do they were firmly against dating before being officially divorced. But then when I thought about it, I was like, Oh, it does make sense considering that the couple's separating for a reason. And communication probably is very likely at the center of it like a big lack of communication. And successfully dating while at least still legally entangled with your spouse requires a ton of honest communication on both ends, which is likely pretty hard to pull off.

Damn that no, that that makes it makes.

But okay, here's what Tracy Atkins, she's a women's divorce coach is what she has to say, Okay? She says when you're separated, or going through a divorce the attention of a boyfriend. This can be you know, either way, but she's just saying women, detention, a boyfriend shows you can feel like a breath of fresh air and boost your self esteem. While he may serve as a distraction and help you avoid some of the pain of your divorce. You will eventually need to face those emotions. There's that healing aspect.

Yeah. And that's what I when I was saying, like, maybe we just will get a boy toy. Right? What do you mean? Like we can just have fun, but like, I don't know, if you're like in a place of hurt. Yeah, to hurt someone else. Yeah, you know, the best that you can

be? Well, so she goes on to say, well, it feels good to be needed unwanted. It's unlikely that you're emotionally ready to deal with a new relationship. Yeah, you'll still have to deal with all the issues that caused the breakup of your marriage and make peace with the fact that it's really over. Plus a new relationship at this time is not going to be based on the real you imagine how differently you'll act when you're not under extreme stress. And when your life is more stable. Yeah, that's a good point. And then she has some less emotional, more concrete reasons why not to date while getting divorced. And she says number one, it can have a big impact on whether or not you receive alimony and how much you received, particularly if you move in with a new partner. I guess if you move in with your boyfriend, the Lego you have another source of income. Yeah, they're like done. Some states that recognize fault in a divorce case view dating during the divorce as adultery. And the relationship can be used to help prove marital misconduct during your marriage, which can affect the outcome of your divorce as far as spousal support and the eventual property settlement. I know. And thirdly, With tensions running high, your spouse will probably react to the fact that you're dating by making your life hell during the divorce process. They may seek revenge to compensate for the anger hurt and embarrassment that they feel you have caused them by using lawyers to gain more custody of the children or marital estate. And I have actually firsthand watched that exact thing happen really? Oh, yeah. Like people that you think would never. If they find out that you're like dating somebody? Oh, my God, I watched this whole thing explode.

Oh, my God. Well, okay, so I guess I have to retract what I said earlier. Well, I

think the caveat is it's such a circumstantial thing. It's very circumstantial. If you're like, you're living in two different homes, you are fully separated,

you've been separated and you've been in therapy and healing and processing and it's taking a long time for the paperwork. Yes, it's different. It's different than being like in the if you're emotional ups and downs of the divorce here,

I'm going to say if you're still living under the same roof,

oh my God, no way. I wasn't picturing that when I said that.

Well, some people in the process of getting divorced are still living together isn't like separate rooms, the housing so I think it's I would say 90% No, I'm gonna say 90% of the cases no, don't do it.

Yeah. Why do you just Yeah, start dating your friends?

Yeah. Your girl is because that's really the most healing yeah go with the girl inequity using goodwill concert go to Oh my God. What a good concert. go to Vegas. Yeah, you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Yeah. Aside, boys. Boy, we won't. We won't tell

anybody you know, but we just want everybody to feel healed. Yeah, and secure. And we don't want any men or partners causing any luck shit. Oh, in retaliation.

Yes. Absolutely. Okay, so the second DM we Got says, How do I become less insecure in social settings? You're talking to to socially anxious gal.

I think the thing for me that I always try to remind myself is to not compare myself to other people.

And one, one thing that my mom told me, you know, I'm not kidding. When I was in college, I used to go to therapy, and I would talk to my therapist, and I'm like, Hey, I'm going to this party. What do I talk to people about? And she'd be like, okay, Karan, first of all, no one.

No one really cares. Nobody cares about you.

And just like, not me. Yes. But like everyone's like so in their own thing, like they are not worried about you. Yeah, exact at all. Yes.

Sometimes when I feel insecure, I'm like, literally, every single person here is thinking about themselves. Yes. They're not thinking about me or what I look like today. Yes.

And so there's a lot I guess, like insecure too. That's, that's a key word because you can be insecure about I was really insecure about being social being outgoing enough. Am I weird? Am I like, awkward, but then also like in your body, and how you look like that's a whole nother bit of all of this? Yeah.

Yeah. And it's hard. It's really hard, especially when you're like, you want to be presenting your best self, but you're like, am I my best love? Like, how am I gonna be received?

I think a really great practice is to and this is not anything that has data behind it. But to make yourself a gas yourself up playlist. In anticipation of a social setting. I'm talking beyond so parking where Jana, I'm talking, you know, whatever gets to me like, I'm a boss ass bitch. I'm the like, prettiest MoPhO in the room, which I guarantee our listeners are SAR are, are the moment and play that before gas yourself up. And also, if you have to have like a friend of yours go with you

eat a safety, buddy. Oh, my God, never go by myself

what you know and just say, Hey, I'm feeling insecure. Can you just like stay by my side? Can you like check in on me do a lap and then come right back? Yes. You know, yes. I feel like having somebody there with you, as always makes me feel more secure.

Maybe you've been some little affirmations. Too little affirmation. sesh.

Yeah, say I am beautiful. I am

personable. I'm fine. I'm sorry.

Yes. You know, all of the above. And then Okay, so let's get into our expert expert advice. So insecurity in social settings is a way social anxiety can present and it can affect your day to day life by making it difficult to engage in commonplace activities, such as talking with coworkers buying groceries, eating in public, attending classes at school, going on dates going to a party going. I mean, there's all a lot of places. Luckily, managing social anxiety is an entirely achievable goal. And we've got some tips number one, which as I read the beginning, see a therapist. And again to the last question, we had to see a therapist, a trained mental health professional can offer more insight on the difference between social anxiety and shyness. Also, I have 100 thing I think we've talked about it to being an introvert and being shy are two different things. Oh, they're so different. So different sets of different anyways. They can also help you identify social anxiety triggers, they can teach helpful coping strategies, social skills and relaxation techniques, and can offer guidance with challenging and replacing or reframing negative thoughts.

I love a reframe.

I love a reframe. And I also love a challenge. I love to be like, is that true? Does everybody in this room hate me?

Yeah. The hard thing is gaiety, though sometimes I'm like, I think they do. Well, one thing I'm learning because premedicated me or I'm doing DBT therapy now.

And one thing that we're learning how to challenge negative thoughts and the one thing was like, the first question you're asked, you ask yourself is, is it true? And then I go, and she goes, and you're probably gonna say, Yes, it is. And I'm like, Yes, it is negative. Everyone does hate me in the room. And then you have to ask yourself, can I be 100% Sure, it's true. And then I'm like, that's where the, you're like, Wow, I

can't be I can't I can't I could think of reasons why.

But to be 100%

I couldn't be that sense. You

can't be like, is it true? No, like, oh, fuck yeah, they definitely hate me. And it's like 100% True. Can I be sure or like I guess, and then do all these other things. So anyways, that's why seeing a therapist is amazing

love that. Also become aware of your triggers, start by listing situations that cause the most discomfort, the ones that you feel the most unable to face. So that might include interviewing for a new job, meeting with a professor to ask for help introducing yourself to somebody you're attracted to. And then note the symptoms you usually experience that can also help you deal with them more effectively. So like, let's say you feel lightheaded and dizzy, slow down the breathing. Maybe you're worrying that everybody's noticing you're shaking hands or like your heart's pounding, maybe learn a little grounding technique so that you can refocus, stay in the present. Wow, I

never realized that when I would flirt in the wild, which I don't have to do anymore. My flirting style was someone that I liked was to be on the opposite side of the room as them and be faced away from them. Oh, so that they would never see me. And I know exactly. And then in retrospect, I'm like, that was social. And it's because I'm

too anxious. Yes. And I'm like, I hope they just catch the vibe from the back of my head.

I will say, it always worked for me. They did catch the vibe. I don't know what I was getting at. But I'm like, that seems like something I should have been able to been like, Oh, my God, the person's attractive. I'm gonna go up to them. I'd be like, Oh, my God.

I've got I hope they don't know I exist. Yeah.

Not normal. Another thing you can do is take baby steps. When it comes to managing social anxiety. It's just fine to start with little changes. You don't have to volunteer to like lead a meeting or strike up a conversation with the cute guy and you don't have to, you know, so a few ideas to try is at the store, skip the self checkout and challenge yourself to make small talk with the cashier.

This is only recently I do that. Really. I used to be lit all through college horror. I hated going grocery shopping. I was horrified because you had to talk to the cashier. Yes. It's only about

45 seconds.

Oh my God, even still, sometimes I'm like, Hey, I don't want to talk to them. Oh my god.

Maybe that's why Joe always wants to do self checkout. I wonder if he is social anxiety about it. I love

self checkout until I realized that it's way harder because so much addicts you always have to and then it makes my anxiety worse because I have to push the button be like,

yeah, help is on and

I'm like, kill me. Tell me.

Okay, another thing you could try. If that's not working for you is you could raise your hand in class to ask a question. You can compliment a classmate or co workers outfit. You could host the small gathering for close friends and loved ones and like socializing in your own space can help you feel more comfortable to just get like more used to it. Those are some things that you can try.

Yeah, I also think that in regards to this particular one that said in you know, insecurity in social settings, like if you're a little party be like oh my god, your outfit is so cute.

Oh my gosh, your makeup so cute. My mom always told me, people love to talk about themselves. So if you don't know what to do, just and you don't know how to talk to them, just grill them. Where are you from? Do you have siblings? Yeah, cute outfit, and I just like put it on. And keep asking people questions.

Just say all something, say a little something. And then finally, do some random acts of kindness. In a 2015 study of 115 college students living with social anxiety. Performing small acts of kindness for four weeks helped reduce the desire to avoid social situations. The link between kindness and social anxiety may not be immediately clear, but it makes sense when you think about it. Social Anxiety generally involves some fear of rejection or disapproval. But if you've just done something kind and thoughtful, the person you help is far more likely to have positive feelings towards you the negative ones earning this approval on a regular basis can help decrease your fears around social situations. So you might find the interacting with others gradually becomes

easier. Wow. I did a random act of kindness the other day. Oh, what'd you do? I was clean. You know, when you are at the gas station, and you clean out all the crap in your car. I had a water bottle that had been sitting in my car, and I was like, I'm just gonna toss it. And there was a homeless man and I thought, would you like this water sir? And he was like, yes, thank you. I gave him water bottle. I was like, well, Qur'an.

Good for you. And then hey, now you're like, This man didn't reject me. He did not. I feel more actually you know what one time a homeless person did reject me when I went into our target and bought them snacks.

That is it. I don't want that shit.

Literally. Literally, he was like ours or chocolate in that. He was like asking me what's in the trail mix I'm like I don't know sir. Like I just got I thought he full blown rejected me. Hey, we didn't bite toward my social anxiety, you're stronger for it. Okay, here is our next email. This says hi girls first of all want to say that your podcast gets me through on rough days. Most of the time, it's literally like speaking to my bestie specially when you guys go off on a million tangents because honestly, I'm here for that ride.

Thank you for saying that. Because really, sometimes we start talking about stuff I forget we're on the podcast. Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh my god, what are we doing?

It says, I feel kinda like a nerd because I'm writing this as if we're composing a full confessional. And it's to someone who might don't even know but c'est la vie.

Was c'est la vie. We do know us.

Anyways, my question or topic of discussion has to do with the relationship you have with your significant others family, specifically, but not limited to his or her mother.

Girl. Let me tell you right now, let me hop on the mic I have been through and I have so much advice

for you. Okay, so they go on to say, my man and I have been together since 2017. and have since moved in together, I purchased my own home without him. Good luck to you. But for you. Then I sold my home and we purchased a home under both our names and now we're finally engaged in planning to marry. I love this for you. There wasn't animosity before. But recently my man's mother was upset because I have a relationship with his stepmother. And basically, she ended up calling me his little girlfriend, and talking about how I've manipulated him entirely. I never really responded to anything she said, because she didn't even have the gall the audacity to tell me to my face. Instead, she called my man and even told him she was blocking him. Spoiler alert. She did it.

I'm not sure how she did. She didn't because she seems like she's trying to manipulate the situation. 1,000%

I'm very disheartened because I myself have a loose relationship with my own family. But now I feel like I don't have his either. I find myself grieving the life I thought I'd have with him and the one I thought I'd be able to give for our future kiddos. Really to add salt to all of that the reason why she found out is suspected to be because my man's cousin saw a post I made on Facebook that involved his stepmom. We suspect his mother never saw the post. But his cousin passed along the info. I unfriended her and anyone in that circle because they're all pretty toxic. We recently moved to Colorado from Florida, where all our family is. And honestly, we're so sad that at this point in time, there's just a clear divide. Signed, blank, a very dedicated listener.

Oh, I'm my heart is so sad. Because, I mean, you even said that, like you have, you know, a frayed relationship with your own family. And like, It is so sad when you kind of start seeing, you know, the pulling back the veil and you're like, oh shit,

do you want to know what this reminds me of? What? Megan and Harry? Oh, Megan and Harry, Megan Harry the Netflix Docu? Because Megan was like, her family was a little frayed. And she was like, I just always was so excited to be part of this big family. And then like, I got into this big family and they were like, we hate you.

Yeah. Okay. Can I just say, I have been here. I have been in the worst of it. mothers and sons are weird. Okay. So my first boyfriend I ever had his mom was quite literally it. I never want to like shame a woman or anything. An actual literal psychopath. Yeah. And is the sole reason that I ended things with him when maybe not, he was not because she was a big part of it. And that's not to give you hope about the situation. But it's to say that I from that experience, and then I had another experience with a boyfriend and his mom that was more like it being clingy and what and then I was like, okay, moms and their sons were are weird. And then I was like, Do you want to park your son? Right, what is the deal that another boyfriend I had? This man was 25 years old. His mother was when she came to visit stayed in his place in his bed with him, wrapped her arms around him and sobbed because she missed him so much. No, this was a grown man. This was a grown man. I'm being so no, no, no, no, no. And he told me that he was like, I just feel so bad. My mom just like, really loves me and misses me and was cradling me and crying and I go,

you're grown you need to go to therapy. And so there is this weird connection between moms and their sons where they feel like their son is just the best thing ever. They've made the perfect man and no woman could possibly like Yes. Be good enough for him. Because secretly they want to fuck their sounds I'm sorry. There's something really weird about it about. And I will also say I do think I do wonder if it's like a boomer, because a lot of boomers did not have the tools that we have with therapy, and we're not as open with it. So I'm like, I feel like this is a very common, but I have a feeling that when our generation starts, I can't really see the same thing happening.

I mean, oh, no, I don't know. Because I'm not maybe I'll be like this with my son Rama. I doubt it. But because I've been through it, and I've been on the side of it. So I understand what I've learned. Let me think, how did I handle that? Well, a few things. One, I learned like I do to have respect for the mother, right. And I always like, tried to be as cordial as possible. And I think you need to be really, really honest with your man. First of all, I love that she referred to him multiple times as my man. And I think you need to be like, you know, straight up with him, like, Hey, this is how I'm feeling. This is how your mother's making me feel. And I think he needs to be, you're safe. You don't need to put the burden of it on him. But like, you guys need to have a very open, honest dialogue about what the situation is. Yeah. Because it's tough. And, uh, you don't want to feel isolated and siloed. From the family. He needs to be a union with you. Also, I have one of my best girlfriends is married. She is an AI not kidding, a catch. Anybody would be lucky to marry her. Her mother in law hates her. Oh, God, we were out of the group chat. I mean, this girl is just like, doting on her doting on his family. And it just like, there's nothing she can do. And she had to like really set up boundaries in terms of like, holidays in terms of like, not wanting to be around them for a long time. And her husband was stuck by her side.

He stuck beside her beside her or his mom. Oh,

no, my friend. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah. And he had to distance himself from his family. Yes. Because they're their own family or their

own family. And that's what I was gonna say in reference to the, you know, it's just sad. And you wanted a big family and everything and me being reminded of this Harry and Megan thing. I think it was a last episode, Serena Williams was being interviewed. And she was like, you know, sometimes your friends actually are your family. Right? And so like family, yes. And so don't forget that you get to choose who your family is. And if they're not biological, let me tell you, your friends are going to be obsessed with your future children. They are going to want to like be with you all. Like, you're going to be set. You're gonna have the best little family ever. So don't you worry. But we got

some expert advice, too. Yeah. Because, you know, there is dad out gotta call on the experts. Yes. So yeah, so in a US study from 2020 to both men and women reported having more conflict with their mother in laws than their mothers and mothers indicated having more conflict with their daughter in laws than their daughters. So there is a weird i Mother is weird to others a weird thing. Yes. And again, a 2016 survey by digital lifestyle brand fatherly showed that of those couples who do argue with their in laws. 29% said it was about parenting style, followed by 15% who brought up politics 14% said money and 4% said their in laws, needled needled them about career success. So some tips for dealing with difficult in laws. Number one, maintain a united front. When dealing with difficult in laws, you and your spouse must stand by each other and keep the lines of communication open. No matter what happens and you guys have to be like we are on the same team here. You guys are on the same team. And you guys have to show up from the same place.

Another thing is to establish boundaries and stick to them. When in laws or anyone for that matter, are given too much latitude, things quickly can get out of control. Don't be afraid to set clear limits. If weekly Sunday brunches are a little bit much for you think about knocking it down to once a month. If money matters or unsolicited parenting advice are off the table. Then go ahead and say so.

Also, I loved that you unfriend at her? Oh hell yeah, we're like, oh, you're gonna spread my business. You'll have access to my best boundary created. Yes. That was really like probably will be hard but like, that's creating a boundary layer. You can be in my life in the way that I say

so yes. You don't get access to me anymore. No.

Another thing you can do is to communicate directly with the offending party. So one of the worst things you can do is put your spouse in the middle of the fray. So whenever possible, speak to your in laws directly. Be honest and clear about what's bothering you. But don't make your spouse the inter mediary. Like, I think that is a lot of pressure. Yeah, like be responsible for like, especially with mom. Yes. Over time, like that can lead to resentment and put an unnecessary strain on your marriage, like your mom that, you know, like, just, I think if you do have something to say to them, like come to them, and maybe they'll actually be really impressed and be like, Wow, my God, they actually called us out to our free

Yeah. And finally, find common ground. No matter how different you are from your in laws, there are surely some shared interests. Focus on these commonalities, this small bit of ground can grow and change your relationship. Any topic, however, mundane sports, gardening, complaining about taxes, whatever, can help you establish a bond of greater understanding. Yeah.

And if you have children, I think, yeah, you know, they're not like overstepping. But yeah, like having something like any of this in common. Yes, anything that's common, but I have very high hopes for this. It does sound like you're also really good at already setting boundaries and like, know, knowing your worth and knowing that when she called you his little girlfriend, like, you're like, No, I'm not. I'm his fiancee, and like,

you own a home together. So

like, and you bought a home first, like, oh, a queen.

Okay, so email number four, I actually would like your advice on something that I feel is not talked about a lot, and everyone may experience it. So people always talk about cutting toxic people out of your life. But for me, that is not possible. Because they're my family. Very similar to our previous caller. Yeah. When I am in a period where I don't have contact with them, I'm doing good. But when my grandfather is having issues, I have to be in contact with them. Also, because I'm the only person my aunt talks to she ignores my mom and sister. They are so toxic and bad for my mental health, because all they care about is money and talk trash about my parents and sister. While we do everything necessary for my grandpa, what would your advice be in dealing with toxic people that you just can't cut out of your life? As always, lots of love with a little heart emoji?

I do I agree with you. I feel like a lot of people experience this.

Yes, I have experienced this firsthand. Actually. It's very hard. And I think, for me, being very, very honest. And telling the people that like, hey, you know, when you talk shit about everybody, and we're all just here trying to like help my grandpa and get along. Like, it actually really affects me. And it hurts my feelings a lot. And I feel like I have to be on somebody's team. And I don't want to do that. I just, I'm not into this. And that's a hard conversation to have. But I really do think being just really saying like, and again, setting a boundary and saying, you know, I think this also applies a lot with like divorced parents, I know that you don't get along with whoever you know, but I'm still their kid. And so like, if you could just keep that to yourself.

Yeah, and don't be surprised if their initial reaction is kind of like volatile, but then they will like, process it. And I do think you would notice some changes, and it might take a few times. And also just telling them like, I mean, this is the boundaries, what are you willing to do? I'm willing to talk about Grandpa, I'm willing to talk about this. I'm willing to talk about that. I'm not willing to talk about that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Giving them showing them like Oh, I really liked when we connect about this Yes, I love talking to you like maybe making it less you can focus on the things that you really do like to engage with them about but from we actually have an episode on like how to deal with adult relationships with your parents and like and just like how to deal with like, toxic family structure. And so I think it's good to pull from that episode and like how to have healthy boundaries with your parents in terms of expert advice. And it says to one start with reinforcing existing healthy boundaries. So when you notice areas of your relationship where healthy boundaries are at work, offer really reinforcing words of appreciation. So if your dad tends to respect your career decisions, even if you know not your relationship or your health or whatever, right how much you appreciate that about him and how his support inspires your work. So again, like this is what I would say, focus on be like, oh, man, I love when you do that. Yes, do that more.

Thank you so much for that encouraging and then when they're not doing that, it's just

Yes, and the next thing to do is to notice unhealthy boundaries and define your needs. So take Step Back to carefully considered the areas of your relationship that need work. Pay attention to ongoing experiences and conversations with your family members where invasiveness, disrespect, abusiveness or guilt tripping occur. So really being like, Yeah, this is not big knee. Also something that you said earlier is to use I statements. So saying, I feel disrespected when this occurs in the future. This is what I need. Yeah, using I statements I feel upset versus use statements like you upset me. Yes, keeps your heart to heart feeling oriented. And non blaming keeps you heart to heart feeling oriented and non blaming, which increases the odds of a positive and cooperative reaction from your family member as opposed to like defensive finger pointing or deflect? Yeah, yeah. And then they'll be more receptive to Yes. Even

if at first, they might be like, Wow, give it a little bit. Yeah, you know, they might, they might mull it over and be like, Yeah, you know what, I don't need to be saying all that shit.

Yeah. And another thing to do, that's kind of hard is to set consequences. So when a family member disrespects the new boundary you've set, you may need to repeat your request with a consequence. Notice, you could say, hey, like, I really can't do that with me. And then they do it. And you're like, Okay, I said, You can't do that with me. And now, you know. So for example, like if a family member knows you feel disrespected when they comment on your parents, yet, they do it anyways. Let them know the consequence of continuing to do so such as taking a hiatus from connecting with them for a week of like, you know, that really hurt my feelings. And I told you, so I don't think I can talk to you for a week. Yeah. Like children,

pretty much, pretty much and which episode is is which number.

This is. I don't know what episode number it is. But it's from how to have adult relationships with your parents. But really, it applies to all family. Yeah. Because it is tricky. Because you are very tricky. You do feel you can't. Dumb Yeah,

yeah. Okay. And our final little question here. It says, What should I know before getting my first tattoo? And do you regret them? I think this one's pointed towards me. Yes. But I think it's interesting because we have one tattooed person, one non tattooed person.

Yes. And I'm not against I keep going down in my chair, but I'm trying to go up. I'm not against getting a tattoo I have never just don't

have them. It's just simply don't. Okay, so what should you know, before getting your first tattoo? It will be forever?

Because we do have some friends that do regretted

that? Do you regret it? Yes. And I think, really, I think I've done this with almost all my tattoos is if I come up with an idea for something, I think about it for about a year. And if I still want it after a year, I'm like, alright, I'll get it. Do you regret them? I don't regret any of mine. But again, all of mine, I've thought about, there's only a couple that I really didn't think about, but that they have such a like memory attached, or a meaning attached that I own like, I don't regret them. Yeah,

I do think people I find regret the most when they're more on trend with things that are happening, like, and then you look back and you're like, God, that tattoo feels so 2030. And so like, it's so timestamp of what was trending in that area in that era, as opposed to like, what you actually really wanted. Yeah,

I saw a girl on Tik Tok the other day, and she was like, I got this whole arm of like, Patchwork, patchwork tattoos or whatever, which is, I think what I have, and she's like, and I really hate it now. And it's like, well, because she took a bunch of images off of Pinterest. And just like put them all on her arm. And it's like, well, yeah, of course, you're gonna regret it because you just did it because it looks cool. You know? No, how old? were you when you got your first tattoo? 16. That just proved my point. That you should be of sound mind. Yeah. Or have a fully developed? Yeah, I

was the I actually brought this up to Joe, which I was like, I do think that if you have to be 21 to drink alcohol being 21 to get a tattoo kind of makes sense. Because it is like a permanent thing. But I guess it's a personal choice. You can't harm yourself getting a tattoo, but

you can because I knew people that got tattoos in basements. Well, I

mean, I feel like it's safe to talk about like our good friend Taylor, who has a tattoo that she got when she was 16 in a back of a barber shop. That was just not and you know, she spent a long, long time getting it off. Yes. And it was because she was 16. And yeah, she's 29. Now it

was and again, no, I don't think there was any, was there any meaning behind that? No, no. So here's the expert advice. Spend your time picking an artist. This is where hours of scrolling on Instagram pays off. A New York City based tattoo artist aerial way advises looking at the artists pictures of healed work to saying tattoos fresh versus healed are different Oh, colors often fade as the tattoos heal, and lines become less distinct. So this type of research will help you get a full understanding of how your desired tattoo artists work. Ages over time,

obviously, I would never know that. Oh, never know that it ages.

Oh, yeah, a lot of the like real teeny tiny. Like I have this little tiny Penny tattoo, I'm gonna have to get that touched up for ever. Good tattoos aren't cheap and cheap, tattoos aren't good. That's

a good thing to know.

It might not be well known among people who don't have tattoos, but good ones are expensive. Depending on the size, you may be looking at 1000s of dollars. If you're serious about getting a tattoo that requires a lot of artistic ability, be prepared to shell out some major cash. The location of your tattoo can make a big difference in the impact it will have on your life. tattoos that are out in the open have a big impact on the way your family friends and co workers and employers look at you. This makes a difference if you work in a profession where it's important to look professional. While tattoos are much more common amongst professionals placement is still a big thing to consider. That was

member Joe was considering getting one on his hand. Yeah, he asked you you said because Joe is probably more introverted, probably more shy. And so you were like, because he has no tattoos. He has no tattoos. He wanted to get his first one on his hand. And Natalie was like, just know that everyone's going to be looking at it. And he might feel self conscious. And I told him that he was like, that's a really good point. It didn't consider Yeah,

like for the rest of your life every time you like sign a job. They're gonna be like looking at your hand. Yeah, and Joe would like that. Yeah. Treat getting your tattoo like a medical procedure. Be sure to get a good night's sleep. Don't drink the night before. Stay hydrated and eat something before arriving at the tattoo studio. You can also bring snacks to have while getting tattooed. That's important because a lot of people like pass out and stuff. Oh, goodness. Just because they think they're like, you know, they take a long time. That's the other thing. Do not expect to go in there and be gone in an hour. Like you'd be in there for I think the snake tattoo on my back, which is not that big. I think I was in there for six hours.

Oh my gosh, what do you do?

I fell asleep. Oh, you know, I just fall asleep usually. Next, while tattoo removal is a thing. Don't go into a tattoo with the mindset of I'll just get it removed

later if I hate it. No, no, no. Because also our friend has that tattoo we brought up yeah, it has green and blue and yellow and all these colors in it. It's taken her forever to get removed. However,

it is extremely expensive. It's more painful than the original tattoo was and takes generally a year or more to actually complete.

Yeah, and even if it can even fully get be gone one. Yeah, because some

of the colors look into that too. I think red I don't think can get red removed.

Yellow apparently is really hard. I love blue and whatever Taylor has. Oh,

also I will say right now. White tattoos were a big trend for a while, like all white because they look like scars. I guess those age so badly. Oh, wow. so badly. They turn brown. No, no, no, no. And finally, the best way to avoid future regret is to have meaning behind the tattoo. The tattoo you're getting and not just getting one because it looks cool.

Yeah, I think that's the name of the game. I think that's how you avoid regretting it. Yeah, I'm so excited for your first had to. I know send us a picture of what it is picture of your first tattoo. Oh my god.

I just realized also is that i guess i i always get one at my birthday.

Yeah, you're not getting one this year. Yes, I

am. Oh, you aren't stuck. Okay, well, I told you about it though. In when we were in Austin. Same idea. It's the same tattoo because I think about it for like a whole year.

Did you tell me what it was? I have no

idea like Renaissance chair. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So I've had that idea for like since my last birthday. And so now I'm gonna get it. I love

that so you could play it that way too. Well, you guys I love doing solicited advice and we hope that you guys got some good advice and feel inspired to write in if you want to revise we ask you guys all the time and so we really build these up so feel free to DM us anything going on in your life email us and we will one research it so we're not just giving you our because you know me I was with the divorce. I was like Go girl get out there. I know the same thing. And then the experts were like don't

do I couldn't find one that said like, go for it. I was like shit. Okay, yeah.

So we will do the we will give our advice but also of course, always research it for you guys. So feel free to write in whenever. And let's circle back on the brag apple cider vinegar refresher your daily dose of one illness and oh, I chose the hottie of the week. Ai because I was thinking like advice columnist and like, who? She wasn't really an advice columnist Carrie Bradshaw.

Dammit. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. What's it Sarah Jessica Parker.

Okay. Same thing, but

it is, you know, a queen, a queen. And so I just thought that was a good one because you know, sure. It's great.

I don't know her perfume. Lovely blog is amazing. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like very weird in a great way. Okay. Yeah. Lovely.

So we're writing to Sarah Jessica Parker, one to her. The brag apple cider vinegar. prebiotic,

give us seven and a half.

I love the apple cinnamon part of

it too. It's always something you can chug. It might be a little hard on your tummy.

You cannot chalk that but like I kind of had an upset stomach going into this and I kind of feel like that did something like I might have helped me. Well, hey, so yeah, we'll give it to you. And notice they were just workers

Alright, this is the part of the episode where we play a little wrap up game and this week we're playing Fuck, Marry, Kill

Fuck, Marry kill.

thing it like that. Okay, that can I go? Yes. Okay, you actually did this to me. So I'm gonna flip it back on you. Okay, I'm in a different way. You. I didn't fmk on famous romcoms Oh my god. Yes. And so I'm going to have you do famous, I guess sitcoms or like

a TV shows. Okay.

And speaking of Sarah Jessica Parker, we'll go with some city. Okay. Friends. Okay. The office.

Okay. Marrying friends.

I knew I mean, yeah, yeah, you're gonna rally? I started what? Yeah,

I've seen all every single episode a million times. And I somehow never get sick of it. I still laugh every time. I don't know how. So I'm gonna go with friends marrying. I'm going to fuck the office. Okay, because the office is funny. It's hilarious. It's just funny, like, and it's so inappropriate.

Truly saying like, Oh, Mindy Kaling was like, you could never could literally

never make the office like today. You really could never do that again. But that's why I think it's so I think that's why people love it. Because it's like, this is insane. It so it'd be a little like wild. Yeah. And then I'm gonna kill sex and see. I mean, I love. I never was like a huge sex on the study person. That's fine. I like it, but never was like, I'm gonna watch this over and over and over. I remember

being little. And my mom would take me over to her girlfriend's house, who also had a little girl. And we would have to be put in our like, in her bedroom, they'd lock the doors and they'd walk checks to the city. Oh, because it was like, and there was like there and sometimes we would like sneak out and like HBO. Yeah, but there'll be like a sec seat on? Oh, yeah. Also, we're like, what are they watching? Oh, yeah, they locking us away

pornographic? Was I know,

they go back in the room. Sunday nights.

That's cute. Probably with a little wine. Whatever. Yeah, okay, Tim Burton movies. Okay, Beetlejuice. Okay. Edward Scissorhands. Big fish.

Oh, marrying big fish

got married.

I mean, I just I loved big fish. Oh, underrated. Oh my god. It's so underrated

likes. If you've ever seen big fish immediately go watch it right the second it's so nice off and go watch

us on the show. Everything. Okay, so I'm marrying big bash. I'm gonna back Edward Scissorhands. Because I actually recently rewatched it and I was like, this was really good. Oh, so good. And, you know, I might actually fuck Edward Scissorhands. Yeah, cuz he was also sweet. Sweetie, I wouldn't go well with all you know, the scissors. All the scissors for him. Yeah, heard of it. But he was a sweetheart. He couldn't talk goody. He was

well, he was memory.

Very Michael Jackson. Edward. Like he was very

nervous at first.

I just couldn't just use little personal It was

when he has his little Avon mask on.

And that means I'd have to kill Beetlejuice and I will say I only saw it like once as a kid. So I don't have like any kind of scares me as a kid. I'm not gonna lie like he's already

dead anyways. Oh, he killed him twice. Oh,

God. He's a zombie basically. Oh, hit him in the actor. Oh, no. Michael Keaton's fantastic. Yeah, they met he had died. Oh, no, I don't use his dad. Yeah, no, he just kind of scared me as a kid. And I thought Is he gonna come into my room and do this because I don't like Yeah,

yeah. We're gonna kill Beetlejuice.

So you guys again, just to reiterate, if you have anything going on in your life and you want to write us DMS or email us we will answer it on the podcast. And also, you know, give us a rating review. rate review moment. We love that. And we will be back next week with another episode. Love you guys love you bye