On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about why it matters so much to just be who you are​ - no matter what’s going on around you. 

Inspired by a quote from Marcus Aurelius in​ Ryan Holiday's book “The Daily Stoic,” I dive into the idea that we’re all here to show our true colors and do our own jobs as only we can.  

Whether you’re ​m​aking salad for a​n event or just showing up for your day-to-day, how you do the little things ​w​ill reveal the kind of person you are.

I share a story about preparing food with love and care, even when the ​p​eople eating it might not notice the extra effort. 

For me, what matters isn’t the approval of others​, but knowing I’ve put my heart ​attention into what I do. 

My ​sweetie, Chris - who’s a professional musician - is the same way​.

Whether he’s playing ​on stage in front of thousands or ​performing for a tiny crowd – he’s going to give it his all!

It’s a reminder to stay committed to our ​internal values, whatever the​ external circumstances.

We also explore how actions speak way louder than words. People really get to know what you stand for by watching what you do​ - not just by listening to what you say. 

This goes for parenting, relationships, or any situation where integrity is put to the test. 

Just because someone else might cut corners, slack off, or not care - it doesn’t mean ​that you ​​should change how ​you would normally ​choose to show up.

I wrap things up by inviting you to try a little ​spiritual practice of self-observation​without judgment!

For example… i​f someone followed you ​around for a week, what story would your actions tell? What would they come to understand that you believe - based on what you do?

The challenge is to stay true to yourself, keep growing, and as always, to leave every ​person, place​, and ​animal a little better than how you found them​! ❤️

KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•​ Be true to who you are and let your actions reflect your real values, no matter what others are doing.

•​ Focus on doing your job to the best of your ability, even when it seems like nobody else notices or cares.

•​ Your actions speak louder than your words and people will come to know what you believe by what you do!

•​ Stay consistent and keep your integrity, whether the audience is big, small, or just you.

•​ Don’t let the attitudes or behaviors of others drag you away from your own standards or kindness.

•​ Practice self-observation without judgment; notice how you show up in daily life and reflect on what it reveals about you.

•​ Strive to leave every place, animal, and person better than you found them.

• Remember that your presence and care make a difference.

BIO:

Spiritual Mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development. 

Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of spirituality.  

Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatic work, spiritual mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, examine internal narratives, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible.

A passionate yoga teacher, long-time student of A Course in Miracles, and Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is a frequent speaker and retreat leader. Via her programs The Quest and The Nest, she coaches both individuals and groups. 

With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages listeners to shift from a thought system of fear to one of love, compassion, and personal responsibility. 

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super

duper excited to be here with you today. I'm even sporting my

my Bob Ross, my Bob Ross, happy trees sweatshirt. I'm so

excited. All right, look at this is what I want to talk to you

about here's the thing. I've been wanting to talk to you

about this since, like July. Like July, I earmarked this

thing. And so here we are in October, finally getting around

to it. So as usual, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm

so glad you're here. And I'm going to start off by sharing a

little bit about the inspiration for the show. I'm going to read

you a little quote, and I'm going to tell you a couple

stories, then we're going to dive into some of the spiritual

significance of this sucker and how you can apply it to everyday

life. And hopefully, fingers crossed, fingers crossed. This

suck is going to be a little bit helpful for you and people who

listen. So I'm a big fan. I'm gonna hold up this book. I'm a

big fan of Ryan Holiday I have pretty much almost all of his

books. And this book, The Daily stoic, 366 meditations on

wisdom, perseverance and the act of living. I love it. I read it

every single morning. So back on July 1, back on July 1, the

heading of this one is called, do your job. New England kids,

New England Patriot fans, you are no stranger to this phrase,

do your job. But here at the top of the page is a quote from

Marcus Aurelius from meditations, his book

meditations, which I also have that I love this quote, and I've

been thinking about it ever since this is this is the

heartbeat of this episode. It says whatever anyone does or

says for my Pat I'm bound to the good in the same way an emerald

or gold or purple might always proclaim, whatever anyone does

or says, I must be what I am and show my true colors. Oh, my God,

I love that so much. I'm going to say the whatever anyone does

or says from my pot, I'm bound to the good in the same way an

emerald or gold or purple might always proclaim whatever anyone

does or says, I must be what I am and show my true colors. And

this is the thing like, you also have your own true colors, and

so the kind of the extension of that is to do your job. Whatever

happens, whatever other people's jobs happen to be like, do yours

be good. Do your job. Okay. But what I'm really interested in in

this section is about the whatever anyone does or says, I

must be what I am. And this is so important, because it can be

really, really easy to be tempted in life to show up in a

way that is not becoming of who you are that is not

representative of the truth of you and your values and your

virtues, because the world will really tempt you to be lazy, to

slack off, to do a half assed job, to, you know, to cut

corners, to like, do it on the cheap, to to look around you and

Go, well, everybody else is doing it right? There's 1000

reasons why we can, like, make excuses for not showing up in

our truest self, like in our true colors. And I wrote a

couple of things down here so I wouldn't forget to mention them.

And one of the things that I said is, like, who you are

doesn't change, right? This is if you prescribe to this way of

thinking, this kind of idea that Marcus Aurelius is putting

forward. What he's saying is it doesn't matter, right, what

anybody else is doing. It doesn't matter what the external

circumstances are. And this is the heartbeat of this, who you

are doesn't change based on external circumstances. So I'm

going to, I'm going to give you a couple of examples of this.

Alright, so the other day, I was helping somebody prepare for an

event, and we had gone and gotten all this produce and done

all this stuff, and there was, it was basically going to be

like creating some Chow, like creating some food for a bunch

of people who just, like, ran a race or whatever, and as we

were, you know, get preparing, like, this massive bowl of

salad, excuse me, this massive bowl of salad, the level. Level

of care that I like to put into things. Some people Sure, I

imagine they just be like, Why are you doing it that way? Why

don't you just X, Y and Z? And I was kind of having this

conversation and and I was like, No, I'm gonna, like, peel these

cucumbers. And I wanted to, like, dice, the tomatoes, and I

wanted to do things in a very particular way, because I

believe that when I make food, one of the things that I'm doing

is I'm literally pouring love into the food. One of the ways

that we show love is to obviously take great care, to

pay attention, and for me, paying attention to the details,

trying to make something look nice, right? Trying to pour some

energy, attention, affection, care, into what I'm doing.

That's one of the ways that I show love. And, you know, Neem

Karoli Baba had this great quote. He was like an Indian,

some people might call him a sage or a guru, definitely a

teacher. And he used to say, like, you know, feed people,

serve people. Love people. Know, God, and I've always kind of

loved this idea, you know, one of the ways that we do love

people is through nurturing them and nourishing them and feeding

them. And we can feed them literally, physical food.

Obviously, we can feed them water, but we can also feed them

through our nourishment, through our care, by listening right,

paying attention, letting them know that they matter, helping

people to feel special. And I don't mean in that special, give

me a cookie because I'm so give me the pat on the head. I don't

mean special like that, but like that, they matter, right? That

we love them. And so I was over there, and I'm like, I'm gonna

cut up these tomatoes. And they were like, No, don't. Like,

still this. Throw it in the bowl. It'll look Don't worry.

It'll be fine. Like, we're doing it this way. It'll be good

enough. And I was like, Yeah, but you know, I want to do

because I'm it's not that I'm stubborn, but I'm like, this is

the way that I would do things. So this is what I want to do,

and I want to do it this way. And, you know, finally, they

were like, look, they don't care. I They said I had to learn

the hard way these people don't care. They're going to come in

from running their race and they're going to be like, Oh,

salad, and they're going to throw it on their plate. And I

turned around and I said, it doesn't matter that they don't

care. I care. I care about doing my job. I care about doing this

in a way that makes it looks nice. I don't care who those

people are. The external circumstance for me isn't the

point? It's who am I and how am I showing up? Because I want to

be the kind of person that doesn't change based on external

circumstances. So I hope I'm making my point. You're kind of

picking up what I'm putting down. Didn't matter to me that

they were all just going to run in and they weren't going to

take time to admire my culinary chopping, and the fact that I

placed the cucumbers and the carrots and the things all nice,

I didn't do it like I did it for them, but not for that reason

for them to be like, Oh, look, I just like to do things in a way

that shows my level of caring, My that I paid attention, that I

was preparing something with love. That's what mattered to

me. So I started thinking about this, and it made me also think

about my sweetie, you know, I think I've talked about this

before on, you know, on the podcast. I've used this example

before, but you know, my sweetie, my husband, Chris

Lester. Chris Lester.

He's a, he's a professional musician. You know, he's very, I

mean, he's wicked talented, he's ridiculous. He's almost

annoyingly, a little annoyingly talented. He's so good. He's,

you know, a multi instrumentalist. He plays guitar

and bass, and he can also play, like, keyboards, mandolin,

drums, these other things. But he's mainly like a guitar player

and a killer bass player. He's also a singer and a songwriter,

a producer. He does all these things, you know. And his whole

thing is that when he goes to play a gig, because his gigs

will be wild, like one week, he's playing like at a local,

you know, bar or hang out, or pizza pile or whatever the thing

is, right at Club, restaurant, whatever. And then, like, days

later, he can be playing in front of 1000s of people on

stage right Hampton Beach, casino ballroom, or tour the

world with Sully Erno or whatever, play with Karen King,

like so it's this sweeping thing, and he's like, you know,

he's just not the kind of guy that's going to show up and give

a different effort because he's in a different place. So he's

not going to, like, be like, Oh, I'm up on stage in front of

1000s of people. So only here am I going to give. At my all,

like, only here am I going to really practice and be

professional and give my best performance? It's like, no.

Whether the kid is standing he's 60, He's not a kid, but he is a

kid. Whether the kid is standing in the corner, right with an

acoustic guitar playing to a room full of people like eating

dinner versus being on stage like being a rock star. He's

going to give the same amount of care, practice, focus,

attention, professionalism. He's going to do his best to make you

know the environment better. If he's on stage with other

musicians, he's going to try to make them sound better. He's

going to serve the music. He's going to serve the room. He's

not going to cut corners, or do it half ass, or kind of like, be

like, distracted and not giving a shit, like, who's in front of

him. He cares about his audience, so put him in any

situation, and he's going to be a professional. He's going to

show up on time. He's going to show up prepared. Do you know

what I'm saying? He's not going to bring his his his b game or

his C game. He's always going to show up with his A game, because

that's who he is, and he's here to show his true colors, and

he's here to do his damn job, right? And as again, as Marcus

Aurelius tells us, right, I must be what I am and show my true

colors. And we're showing our true colors all the time. You

know, I often say to people like, you know who you are

doesn't change given the external circumstances. Meaning,

when you squeeze an orange, I always say to people, right? My

clients, when you squeeze an orange, what comes out? And

they're like, orange juice. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, if you

like, you know, squeeze quote, quote, unquote, squeeze a lemon,

right? Or squeeze an apple, or whatever the fruit is, right?

When you squeeze a tomato, what comes out tomato juice? You

squeeze a lemon, what comes out lemon juice? Right? When you

squeeze us, and you put us as people in different

circumstances, I want to be right. Look, I'm not. I'm not

frigging perfect a news flash. I'm only kidding, right? I still

put me in a high pressure, you know, situation, I hope and pray

that I can still show up kind and compassionate and don't act

mean towards anybody right, that I can keep it my any anxiety

under control, that I can, like, maintain a loving presence. I'm

not saying I always get it right or perfect, but that's my hope.

I want to do my damn job. I want to show my true colors, which is

that I am one of God's kids, that I am love. I am here to get

better at giving and receiving love like to me, that's the job.

To me, that's the job. The stoics might say the job is to

do good or be good. To me. That's the same right to be who

I am, and to show up and to demonstrate. You know, of

course, in miracles says to teach is to demonstrate, and we

are demonstrating all the time through our thoughts, because

our thoughts often become our behaviors, our actions, our

words, our choices, right? We are always demonstrating who we

are by our thoughts, our words, our actions, those choices that

we make, the behaviors that we have, right? All that stuff. And

here's something that I know to be true. We really like,

especially me as a word lover. If you've listened to this

podcast at all, you know I love words. I love to know the

origins of words. I love to know how we apply words the context

of words, right? All of it, I just I was a writer and a

storyteller, right? I am a word lover, and one of the things

that that I know is that we put a lot of emphasis on what people

say. We're like, well, they said and I'm like, Yeah, well,

sometimes what people say doesn't mean jack shit, because

there's total there's a total incongruency between what

they're saying and what they're doing. And we want those things

to kind of be in alignment right as much as possible. So one of

the things that I often say is people will understand what you

believe by watching what you do. I'm going to say that again,

people will understand what you believe like literally think

about your belief system, right? The things that you believe, the

stories that you tell, the narratives that you hold, these

beliefs will always leak out. Will always leak out into the

choices you make, the things you do, everything from like, like,

I mean, everything. Just think about all the aspects of being

human, where you decide to live, who you decide to marry or not

marry, who you where you decide to show up, how you vote, like,

everything. People will understand what you believe by

watching what you do and all you have to do, we see it so like we

see it so clearly. When it comes to politics, you just look at

what people campaign on and what they say really matters and

data. Up. And I understand that. How do I just want to be

somewhat fair, that I understand that when you run on a platform,

you're running on, supposedly your hot, your values, these

things you really want to do, but then, you know, there's

different levels of government, and there's other people, other

branches, who can, you know, get in your way, if you're trying to

get something done, etc, however, right? A lot of times,

people will say one thing while they're doing something totally

different. And people will come to know what you believe by

watching what you do. And this is so important, especially for

parents, you have little ones watching you, and they are not

missing a thing. They are clocking everything, right? So

you can say one thing, and a lot of times, you know, I've had

parents say, like, I don't understand why, you know, my

child doesn't listen to me. I don't, and I'm like, a lot of

times. I'm like, Okay, well, if you give them a consequence,

like, Hey, if you don't get in bed, you know, in the next five

minutes, you're going to lose this privilege, or whatever, if

you don't, I'm fill in the blank whatever, if they have chores,

right? If they don't do their chores, or if they don't, you

know, put their phone down at the dinner table, or whatever

the thing is, and you give them, you know, call it a consequence,

or call it a it's not a barrier. What's the thing called

boundary? If you set a boundary and you say, x equal like, x

equals this, like, if you don't do this, I'm gonna do this, and

then you don't keep your word, you don't do your job right.

Again, your kids are going to come to understand and know what

you really believe, who you really have, how you're going to

show up. You know, based on watching what you do, words, not

enough. We need that follow through. So it's like, when

people say they care about you, you know, and I'm seeing this

right now with the government shutdown and, you know, saying

that we care about all Americans however, they're about to let

like, SNAP benefits and food stamps and like, we're gonna

what we're gonna let we're gonna let people stop. We're gonna let

kids starve. We're gonna let people go hungry. We're not

going to take care of our people. Well, how can we say

that we care about everybody, that everybody's equal all these

things that this country is founded on, if we're not

willing, right again, get mad at me or not get mad at me. This is

kind of what's going down right now. But people are going to

understand who we who you are, and what you believe by watching

what you do. And I did a podcast about this a wicked, long time

ago. And I'm not sure if this is what I called the episode, but I

know I talked about this, that your actions are the voice of

your heart, right? Your actions are the voice of your heart. So

for me again, going back to the salad, you know, it's like my

actions me wanting to prepare that salad a particular way. It

was the voice of my heart, and I tried to do most things that

way. So I mean, all of this is just like a way for me to say,

like you have an opportunity in every single moment to show your

true colors, to be the you that you are right. Coming back here,

do your job today. Whatever happens, whatever other people's

jobs happen to be you do yours. Do good, be good. Don't let

other people stop you from being who you are. And this also

applies to one final example I'll give you.

You know you could be put in a situation, and you know there

are times, how do I say this? There are times when you might

be in relationships with certain people, and maybe they're not as

giving as you, or they're not as attentive as you, or they don't

show up the same way, or whatever. And other people are

bearing witness to this. This has happened to me a lot,

actually, in my life, where people have said to me, why do

you keep doing X, Y and Z, when they don't even X, Y and Z,

right? And they'll say, Why are you still nice to them. And one

of the things I always say, and caveat to this before I tell you

what I always say, one of the caveats to this is I understand

their Karen concern, like, if your friends think you're being

taken advantage of, or if your friends think that you're like,

over giving, or you're, you know, it kind of starts to look

like you're being a doormat. I'm not talking about that. Like,

don't let people wipe their feet on the back of your head. You

know what I mean? That's not this, but one of the things I'll

sometimes well, like, let's say somebody's being snippy or a

little bitchy with you or whatever, and you respond calmly

and compassionately. You don't take the bait. You don't start

to get snacky back. You don't start attacking or feeling like.

Need to prove something. You just maintain being kind or

whatever, and people will be like, Why do you let them talk

to you? Why do you let them do that? Why do you put up with

that or whatever? And one of the things I'll often say is, and

look, I don't always pass that test either, right? I can have a

shop tongue if you know, if the occasion calls for it, but I'm

really do try to let my actions be the voice of my heart, to

kind of let my my beliefs, what I believe, that we're all

extensions of the Divine, that we are all God's kids, that

there is a spark of divine light in each of us, even the people

that you think are a total colossal pain in your

looking fitness. God knows, I've been one to many people

throughout my lifetime, but here's what I often say. I'm

finally gonna say the damn quote is it'll often say, I don't want

to let them I'm not going to let their actions right, their

behaviors, how they're being, change who I am and how I be

right, how I like to show up. I don't want to stop being myself

just because they're acting like a dick. I don't and I'm not

saying there's not a particular time when it's important that

you kind of, like, know, like, clap back a little bit that you

like, you give a little as a swearing often says you don't

have to bite, but you can hiss like a little snake, like, you

know, sometimes that's appropriate, but I don't want

to, like, you know, I think it was Michelle Obama that said

when they go When they go low, like we go high, or whatever.

It's like. Don't let people drag you down into their muck, into

their hatred, into their, you know, bullshit, into their like,

just not being the person that you are. It's really important,

and this is why I just think like having spiritual practices,

having a DSP, having spiritual community, is so important,

because these people and these practices, and maybe, like the

books that you read, and you know the way that you are trying

to align your mind, right? I always say the assignment is

alignment, trying to align your mind with love, and love can be

fierce. Love isn't some wimpy little doormat kind of love can

be fierce as we want to align ourselves with that. Know who

you are. Know what matters to you. Know what you are not

willing to compromise, right? That you're not going to act a

particular way just because they are, because we're not going to

change who we are based on external circumstances. So you

don't do it half assed just because everybody else is even

if they call you a suck up, even if they call you, oh, you're

just trying to look Mert. Mert. No, I'm just being me and doing

me. And if you want to cut corners and you want to be fill

in the blank, whatever language you would use, right? If you

want to do it your way, that's your way. Go ahead and do it

your way. It's not up to me. I'm not over here trying to, like,

make you look bad. I'm not over here judging you. You do you,

right? I'm just over here and I'm gonna do me. It's like, if I

show up to teach a yoga class. I'm not going to be like, oh,

there's only five of you, or whatever I would, I would show

up and do my best if there were 20 or more. It's like, No, you

got to love who's in front of you. You got to you got to be

the teacher that you are, be the human that you are, show your

true colors, right? We each have our own purpose. That's a whole

other episode. But you have your own right purpose. You have your

own assignment, your own way of doing things that only you can

do. So this is me encouraging you to not let the slack is or

whatever. I'm filling the blank however people are going to act,

the people who are going to be like short changing people and

cutting corners and doing it on the sly and act in a particular

way. It's like, No. And again, I go back to it doesn't matter to

me that they don't care about the presentation of the damn

salad I care, and that's how I want to do things. Do you know

what I'm saying? So I hope this has landed for you in some way.

I hope it's helpful for you in some way. And I hope it

encourages you to, you know, if you don't already have clarity

about what are the things that matter to you? And if people

were to just, let me, let me leave you with this. If people

were to stand back right now and observe you over like a week's

time, and I want to say like a week's time, or, Let's even say

like a couple of weeks or a month's time, because, you know,

we have bad days and seasons or whatever. But if people were

able to consistently kind of observe you. Right? If they were

able to kind of witness you in action across all the different

areas of your life, what would they come to understand about

you and what you believe by watching what you do? So this is

an invitation for us to also kind of zoom out and kind of go

above the timeline and and take a good ganda at ourselves. What

would people come to understand about you and what you believe

based on watching what you do right now? What are some of the

words they might come away with? What are some of the adjectives

or descriptive words? How might they see you and how you're

showing up and what you're doing and all that stuff. Now this is

not an exercise in judgment. This is an exercise in

curiosity. Just be curious. Start to observe yourself. Self

observation, this is a highly spiritual principle often talked

about in the Bhagavad Gita and Swami Kripalu, and many people

have said it in different ways, but self observation without

judgment is one of the highest spiritual practices there is. So

just observe yourself, right? Observe yourself. And I often I

did, I think I did an episode on this, and I said, if we squeezed

you, what would come out? Because if we squeeze an orange,

an orange comes out, if we squeeze you, what's going to

come out of you? So I'd love to know, so drop me a little note,

or something like, hit me up. I sometimes, some days I'm like,

Oh man, if you squeezed me right now, what would come out? And

that's when I usually know that I need an attitude adjustment,

or I need a little tweak. I need a little tweak. Need to just

slow down, slow down and get my mind right and again, return to

love. The assignment is alignment. So thank you so much

for being here with me and spending some time. I really

appreciate you. I'm sending you so much love. Thank you for

being a part of the Karen Kenney Show podcast community means a

lot to me. You can find everything I'm up to on Karen

kenney.com don't forget that second e in my last name, k, e,

n, n, e, y, you can see how to work together to join the nest

my spiritual membership and mentoring group. It's an amazing

community. How to work together, one to one, etc, etc. And if you

want to get my emails and find out the happenings and to get

this podcast delivered right into your inbox every Thursday

morning. Then you just go to Karen kenney.com/sign up, and

that would be amazing. So thank you for being here. I appreciate

you, as I always say at the end of every show, because you know,

part of the reason why I do this show is to stay connected to you

guys, also to spread a little bit more love in the world. And

you know, you get to do that too. So wherever you go, may you

leave the animals, the people yourself, the place in the

environment, wherever you are in that place, may you leave it

better than how you first found it and wherever you go, may you

and your presence and your energy and your love and your

beliefs and actions how you're showing up, may they be a

blessing. Bye.