Have you ever caught yourself thinking, 'If I can't do it perfectly, why bother doing it at all?' Maybe you've felt this way about your personal development as an educator, believing that you must always feel passionate and energized, and if you ever experience moments of doubt or fatigue, you’re somehow failing in your role. Or perhaps it’s in how you utilize resources in your classroom, thinking that you need to use every recommended teaching resource to its fullest, otherwise, you’re not making the most of the tools available to you.

This black-and-white thinking can be a major roadblock in our teaching journey, making us feel like we're either superhero educators or just not cutting it. That mindset can be incredibly limiting, setting us up for unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress. But here's the twist: What if there's a whole spectrum of success in between?

In this episode, my friend Kelsey Sorenson from Wife Teacher Mommy is talking about two major cognitive distortions that could be limiting your mindset in the classroom - all or nothing thinking and overgeneralization. And if you like this episode, you will love the Winter Educate & Rejuvenate conference she is putting on in just a few weeks! You won’t want to miss out being a part of this as I am a keynote speaker chatting about how AI can save you time and energy to be the beat the burnout cycle once and for all.

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Striving for Perfection vs. Celebrating Progress

[0:00] Have you ever caught yourself thinking, if I can't do it perfectly, why bother doing it at all?

Maybe you felt this way about your personal development as an educator, believing that you must always feel passionate, always feel energized, and if you experience moments of doubt or fatigue, you're somehow failing as a teacher.

Or perhaps it's how you utilize resources in your classroom, thinking that you need to use every recommended teaching resource to its fullest, otherwise you're not making the most of the tools available to you.

This type of black and white thinking can be a major roadblock in our teaching journey, making us feel like we're either superhero educators or just not cutting it.

That mindset can be incredibly limiting, setting us up for unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress. But here's the twist.

[0:45] What if there is a whole spectrum of success in between?

One of the things I have become super passionate about, and if you've listened to the podcast for any amount of time, you've heard me say this before, but it's all about helping teachers become self-aware.

Because self-awareness is the one key indicator you need in order to foster change and beat that burnout cycle.

While we just finished up our Systemize and Simplify series to really help you get started reducing your overwhelm, one of the things I truly believe about sustainability in our teaching career is that there are three spheres of sustainability.

Systems, support, and mindset.

While systems are a beautiful thing, if you don't have the mindset to help you out, those systems aren't going to do you much good in making this career sustainable for you.

If you don't have the support, your mindset is probably lacking too.

They're all interconnected. That's why this week on the podcast we're doing something a little bit different.

I like to try new things with my friend Kelsey Sorenson from Wife Teacher Mommy, who you might remember from episode 36 where we talked about why you should take your sick days, but we also did an episode back in the summer self-care series as well where we just kind of brought you down to our sit-down chat, like we're all teacher besties just having a conversation, which was really fun.

So this week to celebrate her Educate and Rejuvenate conference, which is happening December 28th, mark your calendars, I wanted to bring you an episode from her podcast that I know will resonate with so many of you.

I want you to just switch it for 2024 because it's still relevant and Kelsey is diving deeper into two of the cognitive distortions that plague teachers in this episode.

[2:36] So if you've ever caught yourself using the words always or never or maybe you're just struggling with your mindset so much that you keep cycling in burnout, you can't systemize or you can't get the support that you need, this episode is for you.

In this episode she's talking about the two cognitive distortions that impact teacher mindset which is all or nothing thinking and overgeneralization.

She talks about how this shows up for us in the classroom, where those mindsets come from, and then just a little bit about the self-coaching model, which will help you begin challenging these thought patterns that keep us in burnout.

She's really bringing the heat in this one and sharing what you need to do when you notice yourself doing this, because let's be real, we all do it.

And it's all about self-awareness.

So let's get into it.

Winter Educate and Rejuvenate Event Announcement

[3:57] Before we get into this episode, are you counting down the days until winter break?

Let's face it, educators everywhere are facing crazy challenges every single day, bridging achievement gaps, managing behavior, assuming more responsibilities with less time to plan.

That's why Kelsey, who you will hear about in this episode, is slashing the price of your first month, the lowest price it's ever been offered, so that you can join us at her winter Educate and Rejuvenate members-only event.

Educate and Rejuvenate is a live virtual conference for pre-K through sixth grade teachers and homeschool parents to work smarter, not harder, and live their best lives.

You'll laugh, you'll cry in the best way, and you'll feel invigorated.

This will all happen in one value-packed day, so you can just set aside a few hours on your break to rejuvenate with your teacher friends, but you still have plenty of time over your break to enjoy the holidays and relax too.

For less than the cost of one Starbucks run, you will join us for a comedy keynote with Kayla Jules, who is at misseducation on Instagram.

I've never done this session anywhere else. A yoga and meditation session led by Lizzie Langston.

Live life coaching with five amazing certified life coaches.

[5:13] Instant access to the summer educate and rejuvenate sessions and all of the coaching replays from the past year so that you don't have to wait until December 28th for inspiration.

I was part of this certificate of completion for professional development and a full month in the wife teacher mommy club so that you can experience life coaching, free resources and a community of like minded educators.

[5:33] You can also access 50 full size teaching resources from the wife teacher mommy club and a lifetime access to over $300 in bonuses for a limited time.

Benefits and Bonuses of joining the event for $9

[5:42] Like that is a lot of rejuvenation going down for only $9.

You can get in on this by heading over to TeachingMindBodyAndSoul.com slash winter rejuvenate or head over to the link in the show notes to learn more.

Now, let's get into this episode. So, you know, on the podcast, in general, we talk a lot about our mindset.

We talk about the five-step framework, the self-coaching model that I certified in with my certification through the Life Coach School, which basically talks about how our thoughts create our feelings, drive our actions and results.

We've gotten really clear on the difference between what our circumstances are and what our thoughts are.

So if you're listening for the first time, actually, I want to review for those.

Maybe you're just tuning in now. So I want to make sure you get up to speed on what we talk about here.

Our circumstances are like the facts of what is going on, and our thoughts are the meaning that we add behind them.

I want to make sure that I explain in a way that everybody understands.

So our thoughts do drive our feelings, but our thoughts don't come from nowhere.

There's the context behind our thoughts. We all have all been raised in a certain way. We have a certain perspective.

We have our own experiences. We have thought patterns and beliefs that are programmed into us.

[6:52] So those impact our thoughts and there's nothing wrong with this.

In fact, that's what our brains are doing. They're using the information they have to help us comprehend what is going on around us.

Importance of understanding thoughts and feelings

[7:03] So I just want to make that really clear. And then there are also times that we want to look at our feelings before we even start thought work.

So if you have tried at any point to use the model to like look at your thoughts and how drives your feelings, actions, and results, and you're just having a hard time with it, there's a chance that maybe you need to look at your feelings first and process through those emotions.

I've talked about that on the episode I did about Sunday Scaries, if you want to review that content.

We'll also be talking about that a lot in our November episode lineup, which I'm really, really excited about.

Basically, the one thing we want to know is if we're activated, like if you're like super, super anxious or super depressed, like you're either really high or really low, then thought work is probably not what you want to do.

When we want to look at our thoughts is when we're feeling kind of in more of a normal state. So, just want to make that really clear before we dive into the next couple episodes, which really are geared on our thoughts.

And again, like I always say, our thoughts are so important, but I just want to make sure that we are doing this from a healthy place.

[8:05] It's learning awareness about how our thoughts and seeing what's going on.

That is where the beauty of thought work comes into play.

We don't do thought work to just immediately try to fix the problem.

We want to just get awareness about, hey, this is what's going on for me.

Isn't this interesting, we're getting to know ourselves and have so much grace for ourselves, get to know who we really are, the beauty behind our thoughts and the core values and beliefs and experiences that have led us to be who we are today.

Purpose of thought work and self-awareness

[8:31] It works best if we can simply observe and watch what is going on as we are learning this concept.

But then, as we really, a lot of you who've been listening have been doing this, there are times we'll realize that those thoughts we're having aren't serving us and that once we get that self-awareness, like, okay, I'm thinking this, it's causing this, I actually don't want it to do that.

And there are times that that happens. And that is when we do want to work on changing our thought patterns and our beliefs.

And that is where understanding cognitive distortions comes into play.

So that is what we're talking about today.

Today we're talking about two different types of cognitive distortions, which are all or nothing thinking and overgeneralization.

And I've been diving even more into cognitive distortions as I've been writing my book.

I've been really kind of fascinated by this whole topic. I've been diving into tons of research as I've been working on this book.

[9:21] And I did a whole section on cognitive distortions. I'm really excited about it.

I'm actually going to be teaching a workshop about this to wife-teacher-mommy club members on November 1st.

So if you're a member, mark your calendar for November 1st.

We're going to be talking all about this.

So if you're in the club, be sure to add that to your calendar.

Or if you're listening after November 1st, The replay will be on the Members Only Private Podcast and in your member dashboard.

But for everybody here today, I will be teaching you two of those cognitive distortions right here on the podcast today.

Definition and explanation of cognitive distortions

[9:53] But first, you're probably like, okay, Kelsey, you keep saying cognitive distortions.

What does that mean? Don't worry. I'm going to break it down for you right now.

So according to the Cambridge Dictionary, the term cognitive means relating to or involving the processes of reasoning.

So that is cognitive, like from the brain or reasoning.

So therefore, cognitive distortions are irrational or biased thinking patterns that lead to negative emotions and behavior.

So it's when we're kind of thinking something that isn't exactly true.

So cognitive, like in the brain, distortions, not exactly how it really is.

Kind of like you're looking in one of those, like, wavy mirrors, you know, where you think you're looking at what's right, but it's just not quite right.

And these concepts, they're not attributed to any one person.

They have been developed and refined over time within the field of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is really the self-coaching model we use is based off of cognitive behavioral therapy and psychology.

So when we learn about cognitive distortions, it can help us more easily identify, our unintentional models.

So the ways that we're thinking and how it's causing our feelings, actions and results that we don't realize that are just happening on their own.

Common occurrence of cognitive distortions in daily life

And there's nothing wrong with this, like I said, but it's when we can get that awareness and be like, oh, wait, I realize I'm doing this.

And as I explain these to you, you'll probably recognize, oh, yeah, I totally know what this is because I know that I've done it or I've seen other people do it.

Sometimes we tend to be like, oh, yeah, I've seen this person needs to listen to this podcast.

If you're thinking that, I mean, I've done that, to, but also, like, you might think something else needs to hear this, but the chance is that we need to hear it, too, because we all do these things. It is human nature.

Okay, so first, let's talk about all-or-nothing thinking.

So, this is when we see things in an extreme, like, black-or-white mindset with.

It's just, like, everything is all this way or all that way.

Everything is in absolutes. So, and these absolutes we're making up in our minds and so it must be this way or not at all. There's no in-between.

And often we use this against ourselves when we think we must either be a complete success or we're a total failure, like there's nothing in-between there.

And it can apply to other areas of life too, such as thinking a person, a group, or an organization, a group of people is all bad or all good without being able to see any sort of shades of gray. So, this is often also called like black and white thinking.

So, it's like everything's all bad or all good.

And all-or-nothing thinking can make us feel probably a good portion of the time because life is rarely all positive or all negative.

So, if it has to be all one or the other and there is some negative, we'll then just say it's all negative, which isn't usually true.

Kind of will help us understand it a little bit better.

So, one example might be if you're a teacher and you want to do the best you can in your career.

You have all this list of all the professional developments that you want to do.

And you attend to some of them, but some of them you aren't able to make it for whatever reason.

And you assume you must be falling behind in your career because you weren't doing all the trainings you wanted to do.

That would be an example of all-or-nothing thinking because you've done some, you just didn't do all of it, so it's nothing, right? All or nothing.

Another one might be that you believe that unless your students score perfectly on every test, that you are an ineffective teacher.

So it's like, again, they have to do well on everything or it's completely discounted.

A parent might feel the same way, might have a similar experience.

Like if your kiddo is struggling with reading, we might be like, oh no, oh my goodness, I just can't teach my kid how to read.

I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm a terrible teacher." So, another example would be if you have a terrible day of teaching or parenting or both.

It just doesn't go as planned. You think your whole approach, your whole schedule, everything you're trying to do must just be terrible and you need to throw it out the window.

So, all of those are examples of all-or-nothing thinking.

Another example, it doesn't always have to apply to you personally.

It could be that there are maybe some things, like maybe some policies you don't agree with at, let's say, like your school and maybe some people you don't get along with as well.

You don't like how they think, you don't like what they do, you don't like how they teach or whatever.

That is another example of all or nothing thinking because all or nothing thinking can help us miss like the nuance and beauty of ourselves and people in workplaces and organizations in which we are involved.

Those are some examples of all or nothing thinking.

Overgeneralization: Broad negative conclusions from isolated incidents

Now, there are some similarities between all-or-nothing thinking and overgeneralization.

So, I'm going to go over overgeneralization, and then we'll talk a little bit about the similarities and differences between the two.

So, this thinking pattern happens when we draw broad negative conclusions from one isolated incident or event and apply it to everything.

It can easily be identified through global labels, such as, oh, these are such lazy students, or they're such a bad mom, or oh, I'm such a terrible person, things like that.

So one example of this would be if you have a friend who is running a bit late to meet you for lunch.

You might think, why is everyone always late? Maybe you've had like an experience where another friend was late recently. You think, why is everyone always late?

But the truth is, everyone isn't always late, right?

Or even this person, like she is always late. Has she absolutely never been on time? So we can just know that if we say always or never, it's usually not true.

Notice how I say usually. I didn't say always or never, right?

Another example might be after one play date goes poorly, a parent believes that all play groups are chaotic and unstructured. Like, oh, that was terrible.

I'm never going to try a play group ever again.

That's another example. So simply put, drawing a broad negative conclusion about yourself and your surroundings based on just a couple or even a single experience is a result of overgeneralization.

So like I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, I recently went on that two-week trip. It was great.

The first week was for a professional development for me as a business owner, and then we extended it a week for some family time.

But I also had a book deadline. I had my first deadline for Teacher Goals Publishing for the book that I'm writing.

I mean, for all of you, I'm so excited about this book. honestly and, Because we're on this trip, we had this extra week, and my deadline was at the end of that second week. And I wasn't completely done.

And I just hadn't intentionally planned as much time to write because I figured I could just do it closer to the deadline. And I could.

And so I did. It was going exactly according to what I planned.

We just happened to also decide to extend that trip. So I'm like, okay, I'll just write on the trip. It'll totally fine.

For the most part, it was. I actually love traveling because it sparks inspiration.

I'm kind of not in the day-to-day of the work that I do. I was able to just, you know, really feel the flow of writing.

So the majority of the time I was really, really happy with it.

But there was one moment where my family was in the other room playing games and I was, you know, in the bedroom writing.

And I was just thinking, like, why do I always put things off?

That is what I told myself.

And the funny thing about this is I realized I was writing the section about cognitive distortions.

I had just like maybe 20 minutes before written about overgeneralization and using the words always and never being a sign of using the cognitive distortion of overgeneralization. And I caught that.

I was like, why do I always put things off? And the truth is, I don't. I usually don't put things off.

And I don't. But it was just like that cognitive distortion of what I was telling myself in that moment.

And I had so much grace for myself. I was like, oh, isn't that interesting?

I kind of like laughed about it. And I was like, where do I think that thought is coming from?

Because I knew that, I was able to identify it. Like, if I hadn't had awareness of that cognitive distortion, I might not have recognized it as easily.

But now I know, like, the words always, never, everything, nothing, a lot of times those are signs that we are thinking in distorted ways. So, super fascinating.

Okay, so let's talk about some similarities and differences between the two types.

Both cognitive distortions, they have a tendency to think in those extreme, absolute terms which lead to overly negative and unrealistic conclusions.

But for all or nothing, thinking, it reflects the tendency to view situations as either entirely positive or negative with no middle ground, a polarized way of looking at everything.

So all or nothing is kind of like there are these two extremes where overgeneralization is just taking something and applying it to more than everything.

So that is kind of like the similarities between the two, but there are also some differences.

Similarities and differences between all-or-nothing thinking and overgeneralization

So the key, this is the key difference. So all or nothing thinking pertains to the way we perceive the overall quality or something like perfect or failure.

Again, there's those two absolutes where overgeneralization is just generalizations we make over isolated incidents.

Also, the degree of extremeness. All or nothing thinking is usually a bit more extreme and polarized because of those two opposites, like perfect vs.

Failure, where overgeneralization is generally still negative, but it's more of drawing a broad conclusion, sweeping conclusion, that don't necessarily have to be those polar opposites.

And they can both lead to perfectionism, but all-or-nothing thinking generally does a lot more because we feel like we must achieve perfection in all areas because it's all or nothing.

Overgeneralization can involve perfectionism, but it doesn't necessarily.

It's more the misapplication of experiences in a broader context than we should apply it.

Those are the first two cognitive distortions that we are going over on the podcast, overgeneralization and all-or-nothing thinking.

How to Address Cognitive Distortions: Give Yourself Grace

First, we give ourselves tons of grace, like I mentioned that I did when I caught myself thinking that about myself when I was writing my book just last week.

We give ourselves grace when we notice it. Like, we get proud of ourselves for noticing it in the first place because, I mean, we've gone so much of our lives not noticing when we're doing it.

So, we celebrate, give ourselves grace, and then we can just be like, hmm, I wonder why was I thinking that?

And how was I feeling? We can kind of do some models.

We can kind of get curious about what is going on and just kind of have that awareness of it.

So maybe next time you might be like, oh, wait, no, that is overgeneralization or that is all or nothing thinking.

This doesn't have to be all good or all bad.

So let's recap a little bit. At the beginning, we talked about the model, about how our thoughts create our feelings, how thought work is such a powerful way for us to gain awareness about what is going on around us.

We talked about that the first step with it is awareness.

We're not necessarily trying to change ourselves, but when we notice these things and if we realize it's not serving us, like a lot of these cognitive distortions are, this can be a way to identify the thoughts that maybe we will want to change.

And the other thing we briefly mentioned is that if you're really heightened emotions, high or low, you might want to focus on processing your feelings first.

I have some other episodes I would recommend for that.

You could start with the Sunday Scaries one. We have even more coming out in the coming weeks about that.

We also talked about what cognitive distortions are. So, it's basically when you're thinking in ways that aren't quite right.

Cognitive in the brain distortions like, you know, it's distorted.

It's like you're looking in one of those wavy mirrors.

We talked about all or nothing thinking, which is when we take something and it has to be all good or all bad. There's no in between.

We talked about overgeneralization when we take something from just one isolated incident or a few isolated instance and apply it to everything.

And we talked about what we do when we find ourselves doing either of these things.

We just celebrate that we even noticed it, give ourselves a lot of grace, get curious about it, and what I didn't mention before, but if we want to, we can make some changes using the model and thought work and bridge thoughts, ladder thoughts, like what do I want to think instead, create intentional models, all the things that we generally talk about on this podcast and inside Why Potential Mommy Club.