Hard conversations don’t have to blow things up. Or shut you down. Or leave you spiralling with regret.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, Why didn’t I say that better? or Why do I always freeze or fawn when it matters most? Then this episode is for you.

Whether you’re navigating hot-button issues, navigating grief, or just trying to be heard in your own home, this conversation will help you show up with more clarity, more steadiness, and more influence.

You don’t have to yell to be powerful. You don’t have to agree to stay connected. And you don’t have to lose your voice to keep the peace.

In this episode, Lauren Dry breaks down how to move through big, uncomfortable conversations with your nervous system intact and your power in place.

You’ll hear about:

• How your brain and body react in conflict and what to do about it
• What shuts people down (hint: it’s not your opinion, it’s how it’s delivered)
• Six ways to stay curious and strong when things get tense
• How to create space for nuance, without giving up your values
• Why slowing down is the key to being truly heard

Resources Mentioned:

• Rise into Regulation™ – The skillset for connection, communication, and Nervous System safety in modern marriage
• Connect with Lauren on Instagram - @lauren_dry

If something in this episode resonated, please share it with a friend, leave a review, or connect with me on Instagram. I love hearing what lands for you.

Big love,

Lauren X

[00:00:17] Lauren Dry: After finally finding it, one marriage breakdown and one marriage reset later. And finally discovering what really works to have connection in modern relationships using science, simplicity, and soul. Our [00:00:30] signature program Rise Into Regulation was Born. That's giving so many others in modern driven relationships, back clarity and ease for good.

[00:00:56] Lauren Dry: Oh, this is gonna be another fun one today. [00:01:00] I was chatting with my podcast manager earlier about some things that are on my heart. Shout out to Julia I love you. And I wanna talk about something that was sitting on my heart recently about complex [00:01:15] conversations, whether it's on a, a big level, big world things, or, the debates and the small conversations that we have at home in our own house.

[00:01:55] Lauren Dry: And the reason this has been on my heart a lot recently. Is if you have [00:02:00] not been living under a rock, the tragic shooting of Charlie Kirk will be front and center of your mind. Whether it's tragic, simply because of the loss of life, tragic because you share his viewpoints, or tragic [00:02:15] simply because of the divide in opinion, public opinion, how it can really polarize conversations left, right, right or wrong. conversations about big world issues, about [00:02:30] the rights around the gun ownership or, you know, we're getting really, really big in terms of heavy stuff or even grief. What does grief mean to you? Is it safe? Do you have someone safe to hold you?

[00:03:08] Lauren Dry: And if and when there is a season where I feel like that's something I'm going to wade into, I will do it [00:03:15] wholeheartedly. But what I'm going to do that with is structure. So what I've, learned through my life, I tend to think of myself as someone quite outspoken. Authenticity is my top value, as you know, if [00:03:30] you've been listening to my podcast episodes and I was taken by surprise, taken aback, and really [00:03:45] challenged with this news.

[00:04:14] Lauren Dry: [00:04:15] Was this, being cowardly, what did it mean to speak out? Was this being disrespectful and polarizing? What did it mean to have any feelings about this at all? it's not my family, it's not my friends. am I allowed to have [00:04:30] emotions and feelings and experiences about this? And if I do, does that mean I'm deeply enmeshed with the values of this person?

[00:05:11] Lauren Dry: And what I always say when it comes to big [00:05:15] conversations, unless someone is on fire. Take your time. And sometimes it doesn't feel like that. Sometimes it feels like something is urgent. Something is real and present, and a comment must be made. You know, a stance must be [00:05:30] made. you must stamp your signature on something urgently.

[00:06:00] Lauren Dry: The reason I say this is because. We are complex creatures and we have, values, our moral code, we have, a relationship [00:06:15] with different parts of ourselves, and we're also deeply entwined with the world and the relationships around us. So if you can take the time, take the time. The first thing I would do with big world situations like this or, or big things that shake your world as well.

[00:06:55] Lauren Dry: And also honor your nervous system. And if you have time, it's [00:07:00] Take a breath. Honor the experience that's happening in your body and take your time. The reason why I say that is because this episode is all about how to get your needs met, how to [00:07:15] communicate, and how to navigate complex conversations on a big and small world scale in a way that gets your needs met.

[00:07:53] Lauren Dry: And what the challenge is with big and small world issues [00:08:00] is that there has been a gap, an ever widening gap, an ever widening loss around the art of nuance, the art [00:08:15] of complex conversation. And complex debate management, and I think we just need to take a second every once in a while and get [00:08:30] curious about what our current skillset is to navigate how human brains operate when it comes to conflict.

[00:09:52] Lauren Dry: Whether it's an increase in the divide at home, in your family, or in the world, I think we can all acknowledge [00:10:00] and we can all recognize that the risk and the, the challenge with a lot of big world conversations at the moment is that whether it's because of AI, whether it's because of our own echo chambers and social media, whether it's because [00:10:15] we are getting better and better at compartmentalizing and boundary'ing, the space for complex conversations seems to be reducing instead of expanding.

[00:10:55] Lauren Dry: And who knows? You may learn something that's not in conflict with your values, but that may in [00:11:00] fact allow richer, more effective problem solving. Most of us think that debates are one with the sharpest argument or the loudest voice, but the real hack, the thing that actually shifts conversations, even in heated [00:11:15] ones is curiosity.

[00:11:43] Lauren Dry: It doesn't care if the other person is [00:11:45] right, it can recognize that, that logically there's different things that may be able to be considered, but when the amygdala is on, that's not what's important. What is most important is survival, [00:12:00] fight, flight, fawn or freeze. It means the minute we feel cornered, we stop listening and start defending.

[00:12:33] Lauren Dry: Or even something like, that's interesting. Where did that idea come from? It signals something to the brain. It signals that we are not [00:12:45] under immediate threat. This is what lowers cortisol, quiets the amygdala and it gives something else a chance. It gives the prefrontal cortex. So that's our higher reasoning center space [00:13:00] to come back online.

[00:13:21] Lauren Dry: They are about safety. If my brain doesn't feel safe, I can't stay open to your perspective, no matter how brilliant it [00:13:30] is okay? So what we need if we have a strong perspective, a strong opinion, something that's important, valuable, something to offer to the world, our relationships, the people around us, our families, what we need are [00:13:45] neuroscience backed, practical ways to show curiosity without losing the fight.

[00:14:22] Lauren Dry: Without you losing the debate simply because of a tone of voice or your body language saying something that you never intended in the first [00:14:30] place. So here are some neuroscience backed hacks to show curiosity without losing the fight. So the first thing I would experiment with is asking [00:14:45] for the story, not just the stance.

[00:15:14] Lauren Dry: Number [00:15:15] two, get specific, not vague. So curiosity doesn't mean surrender. it means precision. So something like when you say it always feels this way, can you give me an example? [00:15:30] Ask for specifics because specifics shrink the amygdala's panic, cause your brain can work with data and kind of narrow down on something instead of just worrying about a threat.

[00:16:07] Lauren Dry: Number four, you can mirror without agreeing. So repeating back a key [00:16:15] phrase, it shows that you are listening. You can say something like, so what I'm hearing is this feels like a fairness issue to you. This regulates both brains. It doesn't mean you agree, it just means you [00:16:30] are, you're steering the, the nervous system back to safety, yours and theirs.

[00:16:42] Lauren Dry: Number five, you [00:16:45] can timestamp your curiosity. So you can add in language that signals strength. Something like, uh, before I respond, I want to fully get what you mean. This tells the other person that you're not [00:17:00] folding, you're choosing to gather the information before putting your own case forward.

[00:17:27] Lauren Dry: So curiosity isn't even, [00:17:30] it's not agreeing, it's not, losing, it's, it's upgrading the battlefield. Curiosity can be the most magical, blessing when it comes to any kind of conflict resolution [00:17:45] when it comes to expressing your perspective. It sets the scene and it creates an environment for new ideas to grow. It's fertilizer for the soil.

[00:18:28] Lauren Dry: So the next time you are in a [00:18:30] tricky conversation, remember that the goal isn't to win, it's to keep the other person's brain open and your own and curiosity is the hack that can do exactly that. And when Sometimes the world can feel big and scary when sometimes relationships can feel big and scary, when [00:18:45] sometimes it feels like the person you are in conversation with is from another planet.

[00:19:16] Lauren Dry: This is who I am, so when we go into conversations where we are aware that it is a bit of a minefield, just keep that in your pocket. Challenging or asking others to open up [00:19:30] their mind a little can be scary for other people. And even the possibility of doing that is frightening. So in a world where we are increasingly invited to have a polarizing [00:19:45] perspective, to make our stance and stake our ground, I lovingly invite you to be a rebel in a new way.

[00:20:20] Lauren Dry: But because we have that perspective, because we have that compassion now, we are able to speak in a way that allows others to lean in instead of push us away. [00:20:30] And if you feel a level of intensity about any topic. Even an incredibly important and vital one, and it feels like you're in a season where you must fight for what is right.[00:20:45]

[00:21:31] Lauren Dry: I'm okay if it doesn't look perfect. I invite you to explore that and I'm here with you. I am. I'm holding your hand every step of the way, and I value you. And I wanna thank you for being here and listening to this [00:21:45] stretchy episode and I encourage you to take the conversation a bit further.

[00:22:07] Lauren Dry: And I promise you, in my next season of really stepping into the ring of a particular topic that I have my [00:22:15] hand on my heart with, I promise to bring you along for the journey too. And, and taking time and listening is a strength of its own and if you are in that season too of just taking your time and listening and finding [00:22:30] the opportunity and the blessing to learn, then I celebrate you as well.

[00:23:02] Lauren Dry: Social media gives us an echo chamber. any social media, so does AI. Be careful with chat GPT. There's a whole world out there and I encourage you to remember and have a relationship with your local [00:23:15] representatives too. They are people, they're real people just like you.

[00:23:41] Lauren Dry: but explore safety around the fact that you have [00:23:45] influence and you have impact, and that when you regulate and you show curiosity, there's no need to fear pushback or ramifications or consequences that are past your capacity when you are also part of the world that [00:24:00] is, Creating safety around complex conversations again, and I hope, and I pray that I've helped you get a little bit more comfortable with that today.