When we make big, audacious goals for ourselves, we like to imagine how wonderful life will be when we get there. The problem is that this fixation can cause us to forget how wonderful life is already and how many benefits there are to where we are right now.

Balancing ambition and goal setting with gratitude and contentment has been a lifelong struggle of mine, so I understand how hard it can seem! But allowing ourselves to tap into joy along the journey will make the entire path so much more fun than saving the positive emotions for after we've met our goals.

Doesn't that sound so much more exciting?

Want to start a business but feeling overwhelmed? Join my Finding Your Side Hustle Course and learn the step-by-step process for starting the business you've been dreaming of.

Ready for one-on-one guidance? Schedule a free coaching call with me so we can make progress on your dreams.

Microphone (2- ATR2100x-USB Microphone):

You're listening to episode

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27 of Burning Brightly, the

reality of reaching your goal.

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This is burning brightly, a podcast

for Christian moms who are feeling

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called to build a business and

share their light with the world.

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I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, a life

coach, mom, and entrepreneur.

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And I'm honored to be your guide.

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As you face this business building

adventure full of highs, lows,

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and everything in between.

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This is where we help each

other find the courage to shine.

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Microphone (2- ATR2100x-USB Microphone):

Hello, friends.

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Welcome back to burning brightly today.

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I'm excited to talk to you about a

concept that I hope does not come

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across as depressing or disheartening.

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I'm going to talk about why

it's important later on, but

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first I want to introduce it.

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And that is understanding the reality

of what it's like to actually reach

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a goal, especially when you've

had for a long time, the longer

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we have goals and the bigger they

seem, the more we can build up.

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that reality to something that

might not actually be real.

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Does that make sense?

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So have you ever had a massive

goal and then reached it and felt

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maybe a little bit disappointed?

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Sometimes we don't allow ourselves

to acknowledge that there is a little

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bit of disappointment when we hit that

goal because we want to feel amazing.

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And very often it does.

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We think, Oh my gosh, I did that thing.

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Yay.

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But then sometimes we think

that it's going to change.

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so much more about our

life than it actually does.

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So this is totally normal.

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And I'm going to explain this phenomenon

and show you how we can make sure that

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we don't put all our eggs in one basket

thinking we're going to be so much

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happier when we reach that goal and fully

understand that the joy is in the journey.

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Okay.

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Very often this happens because

we have unrealistic expectations

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of how reaching that goal is

going to change everything for us.

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Okay.

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A few examples are.

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This happens very often with money.

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People think, Oh, things

are just so tight.

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It's really hard to, to, you know, pay the

mortgage and do fun things with my family.

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It's really hard to pay all the bills

and we never have a spare dollar.

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We think if we could just make higher

income, if we could just make an extra

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20, 000 a year, if we could just make

whatever it is, and then you reach

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that goal and somehow that lifestyle

creep sets in and you actually don't

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feel any better than you were a.

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And the you of yesterday might think

that's crazy, might think, how,

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is that money just disappearing?

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But that's just kind of what

happens sometimes with money, right?

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Another example is, maybe moving thinking,

Oh, this house is just too small.

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If we could just get a house that

had a couple extra bedrooms, we

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would get there and we would

just breathe a sigh of relief.

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It would be so much more comfortable

and yet you move into that bigger

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house and quickly your possessions

materialize seemingly out of nowhere

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and fill that extra space, right?

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Or the kids grow up and it doesn't

actually seem like bigger space.

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So all this to say that.

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We can very often imagine this

perfect future that is going to

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come after we reach this goal or

get this thing, and it doesn't

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actually feel that way in real life.

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So let's talk about why

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Okay.

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I'm going to give you guys a really

detailed example and we're going

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to use the example of losing weight

because this is my favorite example.

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It's just pretty cut and dry and easy

to learn so many lessons from it.

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So I have 10 children and, I've had

nine, pregnancies, one set of twins.

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And for the most part, I've been

pretty good at getting back in

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shape after each pregnancy because

I knew I wanted a large family.

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And I also knew that if I just

allowed five to 10, 15 pounds to

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stay on after every pregnancy,

then at the end I would be.

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morbidly obese and probably really

unhappy and miserable and, you

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know, have some health problems.

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So I did a pretty good job until after

baby number seven, I turned 35 that year.

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I started a new really big project in my

business and I was suddenly homeschooling

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seven children under the age of 10.

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It was a lot.

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I felt very overwhelmed.

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And so I let go of the things that didn't

seem to matter as much like exercising.

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I didn't make time for exercise as much.

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I made some poor food decisions

out of necessity and survival.

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And some of this excess weight stayed on.

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Then two years later, I had

another baby, and then another

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one, and then another one.

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So

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after having that last baby in 2021,

I had a lot of extra weight on me

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and I felt really uncomfortable.

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I actually realized in preparing for this

episode that after that baby was born, I

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weighed as much as I did when I was nine

months pregnant with baby number one.

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So that gradual weight creep is no

joke, especially as you hit middle age,

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So not only did I not love how I looked

and felt, but I really missed exercising.

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I knew that it was an important

part of my life and I missed

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feeling healthy after eating.

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I missed eliminating a lot of

the sugar and junk that I had

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let gradually creep into my life.

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But at that point, it had been almost

seven years since I had been in that old

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body and I was over 40 at that point.

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And I thought, Gosh, I don't even know

if it's possible to get back down there,

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but it seemed like a good challenge.

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So why not?

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I chose to work with a personal

trainer for a couple of years, which

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was really, really fun and got me

into weightlifting again, which I

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really, enjoyed in my younger years.

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And I got my eating back under control.

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Plus I started life coaching, which

meant that I learned how to curb

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my cravings and really manage the

mindset aspect of losing weight.

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So now here I am two and a half

years later, I've lost almost

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all of that excess weight.

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I'm perfectly happy with where I am right

now, and I've gotten so much stronger.

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But here's the reality.

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Life still kind of sucks sometimes, right?

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Losing 35 pounds

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did not make everything perfect.

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I now have some of the benefits

of a trimmer body, right?

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I can wear some of my old

clothes that were favorites.

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I can run a couple of miles without

dying, which is really fun for me.

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I love running.

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It's one of my favorites, but guess what?

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My house is still a wreck

more days than it's not.

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I still have to cook dinner every

single day and I have the downside

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of making sure I get to the gym most

days and make that a priority so

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that I can maintain this strength and

then avoid the sugar that I've told

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myself I'm not going to be eating.

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So, interesting, right?

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There's still those pros and those cons.

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Now, do I regret getting

fit and losing the weight?

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No, not at all.

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But life is not a Disney dream sequence.

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It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

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There are downsides to

any path you choose.

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So what we need to understand

is that meeting our goals will

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bring us relief from some of the

suffering that we feel now, for sure.

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It will also bring other disadvantages,

back then I didn't have to worry about

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the sugar I ate because it didn't matter.

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I was just eating blithely, unaware

of how it was affecting my body.

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It did affect me in other ways though, and

I had to deal with those disadvantages.

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Now I have the advantages of not feeling

like garbage because I'm eating junk

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all the time, but the disadvantages

of making sure there's something

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healthy to eat everywhere I go or

that you know, I get my, weightlifting

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workout in several times a week.

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So just remind yourself.

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There will be pros and cons on the

other side of your goal as well.

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So let's translate this

into business for a second.

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I bet I can guess some

of your business goals.

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They probably include meeting some people

and helping them making a difference

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in the world, feeling fulfilled by

sharing your talents and developing

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those talents, making a bunch of money.

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I'm sure that's one of the goals, learning

new things, becoming a better version

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of yourself, but while you're so focused

on the upside of the other side of your

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goal, you might Acknowledge that with

those benefits will come some struggles.

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The struggles of growing a happy business

can include unhappy customers or clients.

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Those are hard to deal with

when someone tells you that they

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are unhappy with your services.

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The feeling of being pulled between your

business or clients who need you and your

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family that also desperately needs you.

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That's tricky.

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Internet randos telling you

what they don't like about you.

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Thanks.

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Internet rando.

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Super fun.

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Increased expenses, so as you're

business brings in more money.

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It's going to require

more investment as well.

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That could include having team members

rely on you for paychecks, which is a

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lot of pressure and a lot of stress when

someone is hoping you are going to give

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them the money so that they can live.

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Right?

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So don't get me wrong.

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It's incredible to build a business

and it has always been worth it

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for me every step of the way.

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But I just think it's really important

that we don't have unrealistic

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expectations of how perfect life

is going to be when we reach that

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goal that we have for ourselves.

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It will still be amazing.

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Just like life is amazing right

now, even though we forget about it.

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Sometimes it will also

sometimes be boring.

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It will be fulfilling and

sometimes really overwhelming.

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It will be expansive and sometimes

feel a little suffocating.

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That is normal.

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So why am I telling you this?

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Am I telling you this to make

you depressed and discourage you?

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No, I hope that doesn't seem like that

at all, but rather to ensure you that

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you are enjoying the journey right now.

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Now I go back and forth

doing this all the time.

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There are some days when I just think

I just want to get on the other side of

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this, whatever my usually a financial

goal for my business or a client goal.

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Like I just want to help this many people.

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I just want to have this course

done or whatever I'm working on.

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I focus so much on that finish line

that I forget about the obstacles

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that are going to come after that.

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And I don't fully enjoy

the benefits of right now.

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So just to help us both, I'm going

to share with you guys some of the

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benefits that are coming to me right

now before I have made the kind of

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money I want to make in my business.

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Some of the benefits are, it's

okay if I skip a day of work.

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I don't have so many clients

that if I skip a day.

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Anybody's gonna suffer.

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I mean, if I have something on the books,

a call, I will make sure I make the call.

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But if I don't have anything

scheduled, which happens quite often,

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I could take a day off to be sick.

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If you can tell my throat is a

little scratchy, I've been sick

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this last week, I can take a day

or two off and nothing happens.

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I don't have anyone right now

relying on me for a paycheck.

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Sometimes I, freelance some workout to

get some help here and there, but no one

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is relying on me to feed their family.

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That's a relief when you have

a month where you're not making

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as much money as you'd like.

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Another benefit is because I still

have young kids, I have the flexibility

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to be with them if necessary.

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If they're lonely or sick or sad and

they need mom more than the 10 or the 12

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year old does, I have the time and the

effort and the energy to be with them

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because my business is not that big yet.

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So Um, when I am tempted to sit and

think about the downside, Oh gosh,

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it was hard to pay for this software

because it was expensive and I don't

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have as many clients as I would like.

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I need to remind myself

of all these benefits.

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In fact, I highly

recommend you do the same.

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If you are struggling to see the

benefits of where you are in your

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business right now, maybe you haven't

made any progress at all, or maybe

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you've made a little progress and you

think you should be farther along.

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I recommend you make a little.

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Okay.

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So benefits of where you are right now.

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Make it on a post it note, stick it on

your mirror, on your computer to remind

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yourself every time you get discouraged.

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There are so many benefits to where

I am right now, and I'm going to

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lean into those and enjoy those.

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So I'm not hurting them past.

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This happens a lot in motherhood

too, don't you think you'll have.

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two weeks in a row where your three

year old is driving you crazy and

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then maybe he gets a new tooth or a

new haircut or something that reminds

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you of just how quickly he's growing

up and all of a sudden you just want

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to hold him and never let him go.

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This happens all the time.

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This is the nature of life

that it's difficult to enjoy

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the phase we're in right now.

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Totally normal.

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Don't beat yourself up for this,

but if you find yourself living in

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the future a little bit too much and

thinking it's going to be so much

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better there, just remind yourself

of how good you have it right now.

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I also want to open your mind up to

one other downside that can come from

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hitting the finish line and people

don't talk about this very often and

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it is the fact that once you reach

that goal, you will no longer have

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that finish line to look forward to.

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Okay.

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So I'm super excited about the financial

goal I have for my business right now.

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But when I hit that, then I need

something else to look forward to.

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So I highly recommend you keep

making and striving for those goals,

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but just acknowledge when you get

there, sometimes there is a little

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feeling of now what, what comes next?

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I got there and I actually feel

kind of the same as I did six

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months ago or five years ago.

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That's life.

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The same brain you have now will

be the brain you have in five

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years when you hit that goal.

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Just don't let it be so focused on

the future that you can't enjoy today.

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Don't hold off on allowing joy and

satisfaction to come into your life

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because you're so focused on how

it's going to be when you get there.

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Now remember, emotions do not come

from the circumstances outside of us.

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The joy and contentment from making

a hundred thousand dollars in your

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business does not come when you

hit a hundred thousand dollars.

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It comes when you think the

thought, I'm so proud of myself.

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I made a hundred thousand dollars or I

did the hard thing and I reached my goal.

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Okay?

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So the emotions that you want on the other

side of that goal are available, right?

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Now, they absolutely are.

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They're available now.

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If you want to feel a certain way after

you get your first client or your first

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customer, you want to feel a certain way

after you make a thousand bucks, you want

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to feel a certain way after you get big

enough that you have to hire somebody,

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you're so excited about that phase.

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, those emotions are

available to you right now.

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You can feel them by thinking,

I'm so grateful for the

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flexibility my business offers me.

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I'm so grateful to be at the beginning

because I have so much to learn.

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I'm so grateful for all these mentors

around me that are teaching me so

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much, so many things to be grateful

and happy for so many ways to tap

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into those emotions right now.

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. Remember, not only do we want to

feel joy and contentment because it

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feels better right now, but those

emotions will also make your journey

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to your goal so much more enjoyable.

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instead of working towards your

goal out of desperation or scarcity

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or beating yourself up, you can

reach it out of gratitude and

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excitement and hope for the future.

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It's so much more fun that way.

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So friends, I can't wait to help you reach

your goals, but please don't hold off on

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the joy and the contentment until then.

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Okay.

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We'll talk to you next week.