Hey everybody, it's dawn Damon, your BraveHearted Mentor, and you're listening to The BraveHearted Woman Podcast! Now, in this episode of The BraveHearted Woman Podcast, I want to help you become successful.

Do you know one trait of successful people? They take 100% responsibility for their life. And what I mean by that is it doesn't mean that everything that has happened in their life was their fault, doesn't mean that everything that happened in your life is your fault. What I want to talk about is everything that has happened up till this point, it's your responsibility to decide what you want to do with it. Yeah, that's the point I'm making.

What is your decision? How do you want to handle all of life's experiences? Because there's only one person responsible for the quality of your life and that's you, that's me responsible for the quality of my life. Not everything that happened was my choice. But how I respond to it is my choice. That's what I want to share with you today.

Jack Canfield says this and this is going to be a mouthful. So listen here. “If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsible for everything you experience in life. This includes the level of your achievements, the result, you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health, your physical fitness, your income, your debt, your feelings, and everything, our lives are the sum total of the decisions that we've made.” That is the truth.

So Zig Ziglar said this once, “You are what you are, and what you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change who you are, and what you are by changing what goes into your mind.” That's good. So he tells a story about how when Zig Ziglar was just a young, aspiring speaker. He heard a motivational speaker once and said this phrase, ‘You are where you are because that's exactly where you've chosen to be.’ Zig said that made me mad. Because I was broke. I was in debt. I was depressed. And it was my fault. No, I'm responsible. He said that day the message was clear. I had made every decision that got me here. And so he changed the way he was thinking he changed the way he was going about life.

So in this episode, here we go bravehearts ~ forget blaming, forget excusing, sidestepping, and rationalizations, we're going to disentangle ourselves from judgments and shaming and fault finding, and finger-pointing. Those coping skills keep us from living a brave life. There's like a lid on a container, you're not going to rise above the level of the story. You're telling yourself the narration, that you're creating or accepting as the truth about you, and complete with all of the reasons why you are where you are. I'm going to encourage you today to ditch all those excuses and start really getting real about what's going on. It's time to take responsibility for your growth, and your personal development, or the lack thereof.

Are you growing? Are you developing personally? Or are you just stuck? Are you just existing? Are you just living life? I want to tell you, you can change your life. You can change. You're not a tree, you can change. You can move. You can quit your job. You can start a new job. You can paint a room. You can move your furniture. You can change the way you dress. You can cut your hair. You can color your hair. You can change your life. You are not stuck. You can change your mind and the way you're thinking. And that's the greatest mindset makeover you can possibly have.

John Maxwell says it this way, “Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” We know it. We know it's true. So I'm gonna give you 9 ways that you can take responsibility for your life.

By the way, when you do what you say you're going to do to yourself your self-esteem is. It will soar, and you will boost your confidence. This is called intentional living. We all liked the word intentional, I'm going to be intentional. set intentions for your life. Yes, it's great to have the word, but more importantly, do the word. It's one way to take responsibility for your life.

Number two, stop blaming. Stop blaming or stop pointing the finger. It's easy to point to a source other than ourselves for the reasons why we haven't achieved something or why we can't take some sort of action, why we can't change our behavior, or why we can't reach goals. But blaming is lame. Be lame. That's how we spell blame. Blaming others really prevents you from taking responsibility for your actions and it hinders your personal growth. Because when you blame others, once again, you're effectively giving away your power, you're giving away your control over the situation. Instead of looking for ways you can improve and learn from your mistakes, blaming others can also damage your relationships. You know this, when we constantly point fingers at others and we refuse to take responsibility for our actions. It creates a defensive and confrontational atmosphere, which ultimately erodes trust and respect in our relationships. So stay away from blaming, and again blaming, it'll just set you up for a victim-negative mindset and mentality and you don't need that. We're overcomers we are shedding that victim mentality. We are shedding that victim mindset. So instead of blaming others, take ownership of your actions, learn from your mistake, and work towards finding ways to come up with solutions and problem-solving instead of problem-identifying. That's how you're going to live a positive and fulfilling life.

Number three, very close to blaming. It's the cousin of blame, excuse-making. Rid yourself of excuse-making, even when those suckers are true, sometimes excuses. That's what's insidious. Sometimes, there's some validity to it. It does explain what's going on. But it doesn't excuse you got to be mindful of your excuses. So your reasons could be valid, they could be just your way of deflecting. But if they have some truth to them, still take those excuses. Then just add the word ‘however.’ This happened, however, I am going to overcome it. I am going to own it. I dropped the ball. I haven't set good priorities. I haven't used good time management skills.

So stop excusing. Take responsibility and own it. Okay? For taking responsibility to prioritize yourself. Because if you keep putting your needs last if you don't care for your mind and your body, and you put that as a low priority, you're gonna keep getting low-level results. When you say you don't have enough time, you don't have enough money, or you don't have enough energy. Have you really considered how much time and how much energy and how much money it will cost you if you keep putting yourself off? So make it important to you. Set yourself as a priority, up your confidence, and boost your self-esteem.

Once again, make it a habit to invest in yourself and offer yourself the kindness that you give others to make you a priority. If you're not putting your needs on the top of your list. You're going to burn out you're going to drain you're going to flame out, your body's going to give up. Your energy is going to fail you you've got to put yourself as a priority.

Number four if you want to take responsibility for your life. Listen, I could do a whole show on this one coming up. You have to be just responsible for yourself, not the world.

Five, break codependency. See, I know that's kind of a trendy word right now. But codependency just basically happens when two people lose their personal boundaries and they become so enmeshed that they have excessive emotional and psychological reliance on one another. Typically, one might require more support than the other. Maybe because of an illness or an addiction. Maybe there is some enabling going on in this relationship. But the tie that binds most of us together in an unhealthy manner is called codependency. But it's also known as relationship addiction. Make sure that you break off toxic relationships that are really squeezing the life out of you. You might feel like, ‘Oh, we're really close. We really need each other.’ Really? Or is it just toxic? Is it a codependent unhealthy relationship that basically has you trapped, or keeps you from really taking ownership of your life? There are things you'd like to do, there are changes you'd like to make. There are places you'd like to go and things you'd like to experience, but you don't or you can't because you're unhealthily bound.

Now, if you're bound in a marriage, we know that God loves marriage, and he wants marriage to work. But that does not mean you do nothing. That does not mean you sit by and accept a marriage that's unhealthy or toxic. What I mean is create a stir, create a storm, flip it upside down, create some turbulence, and say, ‘I'm not accepting this as our relationship anymore.’ We have to move towards health. I want to be here and I'm going to be here, but we have to become healthy. That's going to mean getting your own personal boundaries back in place in your own autonomy, getting a clearer picture of what that should be and what that should look like, okay?

Number six, learn to make decisions. Do you want to be responsible for your own life? Are you gonna have to learn to make decisions, and this comes right off the heels of that codependent thing I was talking about? I find it startling. How many women don't make decisions for themselves? They say, ‘Oh, I don't care.’ Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't know, what you want to do. I understand that sometimes that's just given to some of our personality traits. But I want to challenge you to learn to make decisions. You don't have friends or spouses ordering food for you. You don't have them telling you what to wear. You don't have them telling you what to purchase. Do I need a coat? You decide if you need a coat. Should I bring my purse? You decide if you need your purse. I've been guilty of this, learning to make decisions on an ionic goes. It's really eroding your confidence away. And your sense of stability about who you are.

So build confidence by making up your own mind. If you did care, What would you do? Where would you go? If it did matter, what would you change? If you didn't know, what would you say to be responsible and make decisions for your life?

Seven, make time for self-reflection and compassion towards yourself. This is what I mean it's a really loud demanding world, isn't it? There's a lot of noise and there's a lot of pull on you. People need you. They want you they are asking for your advice. They need your input. They want your availability. They need your presence. They need you to run errands. So a wild, loud, demanding world that I'd like you to find some stillness. I'd like you to find a quality moment where it's just you and your journal. And I know you have a journal right? If you don't, we got to make sure you get one.

Good news. I'm producing a journal that will be ready before the end of this year. That I want you to get a notebook and a pen and just sit in the quiet. Breathe in the peace and the calm and exhale the chaos and all the confusion and just spend some alone time with you. reflect what's working in my life. What do I love? What do I not love? What's painful? What's joyful? Allow solutions and creativity to bubble to the surface in the stillness of that moment. Meditate. Get in touch with what you're feeling with your heart. Make friends with your heart. Don't stuff your pain. Don't stuff the messages that your emotions might be trying to tell you. Get in touch with your intuition and your spirit and just commune with God and yourself, and be compassionate towards yourself. Allow yourself to have that time because you feel that just now.

If you're watching on YouTube, or if you're just listening by audio, I encourage you to really take me up on that. Number seven, make sure you just take some time to silence the world and get along with yourself.

Number eight, don't internalize judgment. No judgments. This is a no-shaming zone and no-judgment zone. Don't beat up on yourself up. Don't shame yourself with that judgment. Well, it's a word that many of us understand. We don't like coming under someone's judgment. We don't want to come under somebody's ridicule or somebody's shame. Yet, I see the phenomenon that while we don't want to come under someone else's shame, we come under our own all the time, we are our own culprit. Our worst inner critic is getting living inside of us. So stop judging yourself and stop judging others. Don't be self-righteous.

Sometimes judgment is hidden in self-righteous robes. It might be camouflaged, but its there might look like holy indignation. Make sure that judgment, pointing the finger, and making a decision about someone is a judgment, deciding that they're a bad person, a good person, and an evil person that they have evil motives, stop the judgment, and stop the judgment on yourself. Rage and judgment can sometimes go hand in hand. It might be that anger, festering and living in your heart, release you from the judgments. For others, set yourself free, and say, ‘I no longer place judgments.’

Then I want you to take accountability. Be accountable. All that just means is that you're willing to acknowledge your part in something that I will be held accountable for my words, ‘I will be held accountable for my actions.’ You can speak into my life. You can bring me something that I've done. I won't be defensive. I won't argue I won't push back. Let me take that a minute. Let me think about it. And let me own and be accountable. In that way. I'm responsible for my own life. I'm not holding someone else accountable. But by letting myself off the hook, I will make myself accountable.

And this is again, something that I want to leave with you. Nelson Mandela said this. He said, “May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears.”

So as I leave you today, bravehearted women, I want you to think about what areas you need to become responsible for in your life. Where do you need to change things and flip the script and say, ‘I've been sitting in the seat of blaming and pointing the finger and making excuses about why or why not? I'm doing something that I said I want to do in my life. And it is time for me to take ownership. It is time for me to get out of the passenger seat and get in the driver's seat. I'm only going where I'm driving myself. Let me do this thing with wisdom and integrity. Let me take an investigation of my own heart. And let me take 100% responsibility for myself.’

Hey, I hope that helps you today! I want to let you know that if you struggle with confidence, you can receive my free gift for you for this episode. It's called Ignite Your Confidence And Soar With Self-esteem. I'll say that again. Ignite Your Confidence And Soar With Self-esteem. And you can find that by going to braveheartedwoman.com/resources and you'll find it there.

And I want to give that to you. I also want to encourage you if you need some help. I'm here to help you. If you'd like to know more about my coaching you can also find that out at www.braveheartedwoman.com

All right, y'all I'm gonna leave you like I always do. This is Dawn Damon, your brave heart mentor asking are you ready to live brave? Well, it's time to find your brave and live your dreams.