In this inspiring conversation, Danielle sits down with Elle Jaye, host of Evolving With Elle: When Capable Women Carry Too Much and Founding member of the Inspired Speaker Network, to explore what happens when we stop defining ourselves by our roles, responsibilities, and other people’s expectations.

Elle shares how major life changes led her to rediscover her authentic voice and learn to harmonize the many roles she carries without losing herself in them. Together, they explore releasing inherited expectations, honoring difficult emotions, finding strength in community, and becoming the “conductor” of your own life.

They also challenge the idea that growth requires being pushed outside your comfort zone, exploring how safety, compassion, and self-trust can give us the freedom to challenge ourselves and grow on our own terms.

The Shift Beneath the Words:

• You Are More Than Your Roles
• Harmony Instead of Balance
• Responsibilities vs. Expectations
• Finding and Using Your Authentic Voice
• Growth Doesn’t Have to Be Forced

Stepping outside your comfort zone doesn’t have to mean being thrown into the deep end. Safety, compassion, and self-trust can create an environment where we willingly challenge ourselves and grow.

About Elle Jaye:

Elle Jaye is a professional woman, speaker, facilitator, entrepreneur, and host of “Evolving with Elle: When Capable Women Carry Too Much”. Drawing from lived transformation, professional leadership, entrepreneurship, and continued study, she partners with capable, heart-centered women who appear successful yet feel overwhelmed, second-guess themselves, or are tired of living by expectations they did not choose. As a Holistic Alignment Strategist, Elle uses honest reflection, elevating conversations, and her mirror, map, and method approach to support women in reclaiming their inner authority, honoring their capacity, and creating lives rooted in their values. She believes evolution is personal, but it does not have to be solitary.

Connect with Elle:

Website: https://mailchi.mp/3ae59b526c7c/ellejaye

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellejayesllc

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ElleJayesllc

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@THRIVEAfter

Elle’s gift for you:

Weekly Elevating Conversations

Elle invites you to join her weekly Elevating Conversations While Multitasking call on zoom

Claim Your Gift: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/thntrG7IRoavTgxRTOrQuA#/registration

Visit our GIFT VAULT - updated weekly for more gifts from other guests on this podcast and other podcasts in our network.

https://network.inspiredspeakernetwork.com/vault

About the Host:

Danielle Benzon has devoted her life to exploring the expressiveness, agility, and power of the voice-body instrument. Her journey began in classical theatre and took her around the world before she founded the Inspired Speaker Academy. Now she draws on that experience to help speakers, professionals, and business owners to own and embody their message, fall wildly in love with speaking, and transform their nerves so that every word they speak vibrates with purpose, truth, and self-celebration.

Connect with Danielle:

Website: https://www.theinspiredspeakeracademy.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-benzon

Book A Call: https://book.daniellebenzon.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@inspiredspeakeracademy

The Inspired Speaker Podcast is proud to be a founding member of the Inspired Speaker Network, in partnership with AmplifYou (https://amplifyou.com/).

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Don’t forget to follow, rate & review. It helps us reach more people who want to use their voice to create positive change in the world, like you.

Check out More Shows from the Network and connect with our podcasting community at https://inspiredspeakernetwork.com/

If you're tired of hiding your brilliance behind stage fright, scripts, or playing it safe,

then you are in the perfect place. This is the Inspired Speaker Podcast, and I'm your host,

Danielle Benzon, professional rebel, voice coach, and your guide to speaking with confidence,

charisma, and zero BS. Around here, we don't chase perfection. We choose connection.

So grab a hot beverage, warm up those vocal cords, and get ready to fall wildly in love

with the sound of your voice. Let's get inspired. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. I am so

excited to bring you yet another amazing and inspiring interview today. Today, we have Elle Jaye,

who is the force behind Evolving With Elle When Capable Women Carry Too Much. Her podcast is

fantastic, it's powerful, it's deep, it's insightful, and it's allowing people to kind of

look at themselves and their lives in a slightly different way, from a slightly different

perspective, which I think really all of us do need. She's also a dear friend and a client,

and I'm so excited that she is here with me today. So please, without further ado,

please welcome Elle Jaye. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Danielle, for the introduction,

for this opportunity to share the stage with you. This virtual stage, this camera stage

that we are in, we haven't yet met in person, but when we do, there will be a big hug.

When we do, there will be a very big hug. And it will be a long hug, because you have been

so instrumental in everything that you have generously provided for me, so thank you.

So Elle is one of the intrepid podcasters who joined me to start this network. They just,

they were so brave, and they were so willing, and I am so grateful and honored to all of them.

So Elle, can you tell us a little bit about why you said yes, what you thought you were saying

yes to, and what the process has been like, because we're in this network now, we're in

season two, and things are going. What's it been like? Okay, Danielle, when you asked me,

one, I was honored. Two, I was scared, because I didn't believe I was ready. I didn't believe,

I didn't, let me say it this way, I believe I was ready, but not to the point of doing a podcast

ready. And you were very encouraging to say, you've got something that the world needs to hear.

And I, you know, when we're doing these things, and we're on a mission to serve

beyond ourselves, opportunities start happening. And the opportunity you provided me,

it was almost like, you know, when the universe or God, however people choose to define it,

sends you a boat to say, hey, get in the boat. And you're like, nah, God's gonna rescue me.

And then he sends you something else, and then a helicopter, and then you drown or whatever.

I chose not to drown. And I said, yes, I stretched myself and invested my time, my energy,

my resources into this endeavor. And it has totally paid off for me to see that

you don't have to be flawless, perfect. You can do things in a way that provides

a doorway for people to say, hey, oh, I didn't know about Elle and being able to evolve with her.

Yes, I'm a capable woman, and I feel like I'm carrying too much. And then to know it's like,

yeah, I created that. And then I also have this other thing that I was consistently doing,

which was evolving. Sorry, that's the podcast. See all these E's. Elevating, all these

conversations, right? So I have these elevating conversations. And the podcast pushes you forward.

Yes. So that is, that's what, I'm just so glad to do this. It happened quickly. And

I was thinking it shouldn't be this fast. But it, it wasn't that fast. It just seemed that way. And

but I don't know, there was like, diligence, urgency, organization, and a whole bunch of

communication and teamwork from your fantastic team, like Max, and I probably shouldn't call

names right now. But everybody on the team. Fabulous. Yeah. No, yeah, five weeks is is a

very short amount of time to launch a network and just to launch a podcast in general. So we were

launching six podcasts all at the same time. And yeah, I think it was it was five weeks, right?

I think you felt you were guest ready, but not host ready. I think that's kind of where you were

in your confidence level. Yeah. And I just kind of none of us were ready, though. I wasn't ready

either. None of us were ready. We all just kind of jumped in together. And we became ready ish.

Yeah, still not ready. We became ready. Total stretch. Yeah, it was a total stretch. But it was

so great. And you've just mentioned, I want to just put a pin on this, not put a pin in it,

but highlight this. You just mentioned you're doing something, the elevating conversations.

And I just wanted to mention everybody listening, that that is, I believe, El's gift for you today.

So if you check out the show notes, or if you look at the gift vault,

El has, I think it's every Wednesday, tell us a little bit about it.

So with elevating conversations, that is the space where we can come in and actually share with each

other. You guys can ask me questions, you can share your perspectives. And just let me know, like,

is what's being created serving you as well? I want to hear that also, because

with what I'm doing, I know from my heart, that I am here to partner with other highly capable,

heart centered women who are really invested in the relationships that we have, in the various

roles that we carry. And to be able to have those conversations on Wednesdays,

reminds me of how my mother, in all of her roles, she had time to, during the week, talk to

family, friends, on the phone though. It was on the phone, which is why this is on Zoom.

And I remember the long cord that she was having around the house before cordless came.

And anytime she ended those conversations, she was elevated, because she was able to pour

into someone else. And then someone else was able to pour into her. And that is what these

conversations, these elevating conversations are on Wednesdays. It's a gift.

I love that image that you've created. So El's audience is for women. You work primarily with

women. And I think of those times, and I've not really had on the phone so much,

but because my generation, and also I just, I don't like phone calls. I like Zoom calls,

not my phone calls. But I have had so many, some of my favorite memories are hanging out with other

women, unpacking, helping them move, making dinner. There's always something else going on.

It was multitasking, those conversations while making dinner or packing or unpacking a house

or doing laundry or those very everyday kind of chores conversations. One of my best friends and

I after high school, we would go grocery shopping together. It was the only time

we were both very busy. It was the only time we could see each other. So we had a social date

of going grocery shopping together. That's what we did. And it was the nicest thing.

And so I love that you're bringing this. It feels somehow so much more like community

because it's plugging into that nostalgia and into that thing that we have a memory for.

Yes. Thank you for that. It is definitely a community event where, again, because as women,

we are giving so much to our jobs, our families, children, spouse, friends, and even in creating

businesses and podcasts. There's a lot that is coming out of us. And to be in community

with other women in other ways is refreshing. And we are sharing authentically, safely,

non-judgmentally, and just like, hey, who are you? What do you bring to the table?

And not a what, actually, who are you bringing to the table? Like, who are you at this table?

Not in the derogatory, who are you? But like, because I noticed, so yes, who are you being?

I noticed that many times when women introduce ourselves, we introduce ourselves by our roles.

I was at some networking events. And when I heard it, I was like, I finally heard

what we were actually doing. Hey, I'm Amanda. And I'm a mom. I'm a pet mom.

I have a spouse who works. And then this is what I do. I heard that over and over again.

And I was like, wait a minute. And so I was like, hey, I'm Elle Jaye. And I'm an open,

powerful, free woman. And I value connection, compassion, and love. Like treating people the

way I want to be treated kind of love. That is how I introduced myself. And it was like,

of course, a shock to the room. And then I also shared the roles that I have, which is a business

owner, an employee, and a mother, and a co parent, and all of those things, too.

It's about so many things. Yeah, we're human beings. We've got a lot going on. We are so

many things. And you talk about roles are different hats. But before we get into that,

before we get into how you talk about relationships and roles and things,

before we talk about that, you haven't always done this. This is a business that you are,

you know, it's new ish, you're building it. So this community is new. How did you get here? What

made you want to do this? Well, grab a handkerchief, a Kleenex. I'm not gonna just dump on you guys

like this. What I say is, there were life disruptions that happened for me. There were

family members that protect my parents, both parents are no longer living. I had to make

the difficult and challenging decision to get a divorce from my spouse and restructure

my children's family. Because the divorce is between spouses. The restructuring of the relationship

of my children's sorry, of my children's family is something that I really wanted to hone in on

to be able to make sure that there's that difference. And I, I didn't

earn that much. I intentionally earned less money. I've been working from home for a long time,

like prior to the pandemic, so that I could be available for my children. Right. My mom was a

homemaker, right? That's how it was described to me when I was growing up. Right. And I promised

myself I wouldn't do that. Because I saw how my family, namely my dad and other people saw women

that were stay at home moms and wives. Yeah. And I promised myself I didn't want to be that.

So I found a happy medium and said, I'll work from home. So I'm still bringing in money. I'm a working

mom and I'm a wife, but you know, then everything just kind of blew up within a five year timeframe.

And that's when I was like, Oh, let me talk about divorce. Oh, let me talk about being a mom.

I was like, wait a minute. These are all roles. I'm L and I am all of these things. And I was

living on autopilot. So all of these events disrupted what was familiar to me, what was

comfortable to me. And I found a journal that on the front says nothing good comes from a comfort

zone. And my mind was blown. And I filled that journal up just reading that part. I was like,

my gosh, I was in a comfort zone and I didn't know it. So all of the disruptive things felt

horrible. There was definite grief, sadness, anger, depression, anxiety, wondering like,

what did I do wrong? All of those questions, emotions, feelings went through my body.

And I expressed them. I let them out because I was conditioned to say, hold it down, be strong.

Nobody needs to know about anything that you feel. Be guarded. You know, after going through

so many different relationship challenges, walls got built. And then I'm like, Oh,

this wall is built to protect me. But what else was I also doing? It was keeping me stuck,

holding me captive, but I'm a free woman. So I had to make a choice. The choice wasn't easy.

It was some definite experimentation where I was like, let me see when I, when I take this step,

let me see what happens. And some of it was a fall on my face. Some of it was a

trip or whatever. And then some of it was, you know, open doors like being on this podcast

and being on this podcast network. And I'm learning from all of it.

Mm-hmm.

So I had to lean in to everything that I was feeling and learn what each of these,

the lesson underneath each of the disruptions of what was familiar, because it was waking up

to something and showing me like, Hey, Elle, you are sitting here chasing results after results,

after results, doing what everybody says you're supposed to do. But what do you want?

I hope that answered your question.

I kind of feel like, was that wall protecting you or was it protecting everybody else

from your power? You know, I kind of feel sometimes people ask us to build walls around

ourselves when we are very expressive or very opinionated and they're not to protect us.

They're not to protect us. They're to protect everybody else from us because we sometimes

have things to say and not everybody likes it. I think that might be, that might be part of it.

There's something else I wanted to say. Oh, it's so interesting. I think a lot of us

kind of build our lives because, you know, we're not necessarily taught to do a lot of this

introspection as children or teens. I think a lot of us build our lives around what everybody else

thinks or who everybody else thinks we should be and our roles and what we are to other people.

And it takes sometimes, I'm not saying it should, I'm not saying it's a good thing,

but sometimes I've noticed that it takes a complete breakdown, like a, like a taking away

of that role, like a breakdown of a relationship or a family or something to really get to know

who you are, because it's the first time we've had to kind of go without being in relationship

to this, without, without defining myself in relationship to this person, who am I and who

do I want to be? Which really we should be asking from day one, I think, but a lot of us aren't.

And I think it's so beautiful that you got there and that you use that. I mean, obviously really

devastating experience, but you got something out of it. You've got that self-awareness and that

perspective out of it. So tell us about, tell us about that, that need that we have or that

instinct that we have to define ourselves by other, our relationships with other people.

Okay. Yes. So that instinct I would say is based on our role identities, our hats. And

yeah, just to be clear, I call them role identities because I've been paying attention

to the words we use and the etymology or word history or whatever you want to call that

word study. So in doing that word study, noticing that identity means sameness.

And we sit around saying, Hey, I'm searching for my identity. No, you're not. You're not. You're

actually searching for your unique, authentic, genuine self, who you are at your core. And when

I say core, I'm speaking Latin because I am saying C O R core, right? Heart. It means heart

in Latin. So you are looking to operate from who you are from your heart, your core essence

of who you, of who you be, right. And be who you are being, wait, you are a human being. And that

is what, right. That's where, that's where I want to really and truly operate from instead of the

different role identities defining who we are like, Ooh, I am a mom. And these are all the

responsibilities that a mom is supposed to do. And this is what's expected of a mother and let me do

that too. And then where did, where did L go? Where did the person who's in that role go? And

another thing about roles, if you think about movies, movies have roles, there's performance,

there's acting in a role that someone inhabits. So when we put on the role of employee,

many of us perform based on what we think an employee is supposed to act like and perform

like what we think a manager, a VP or CEO is supposed to act like. Instead of saying,

what is it that I as this human being value and let me bring myself into

that space. And I step into that role. And I myself in every single role I step into,

I don't change who I am. I'm, you get to bring your full self, your unique, authentic, genuine

core essence of a self into every role identity that you have. So where people don't say,

huh, this is how he behaves as a parent. This is how he behaves in as an athlete or

as a dad or whatever. No, be who you are all the way, all the time in, in everything that we do.

I hope that makes sense.

That makes total sense. And this image of being so buried underneath other people's expectations

that you disappear, that really, that really got to me and they're heavy too. Like there's a

heaviness to not being able to express yourself, but having to please other people. And we do,

but we do, even when we are being a hundred percent ourselves, we do bring different parts

of ourselves out at different times. That's context. And I feel like that's a completely

different thing. Can you speak to that? Cause I have a feeling there's a word that you use for

that. There's a word I use for that. It's not balance. It's, it's got something to do with.

I was just being funny. So it's a matter of harmonizing who we are in every role that we

step into because we are the conductor of our orchestras. Right. And how I like to,

the image that I like to use is saying as that conductor, of course you have the four

parts of an orchestra. You've got the, the woodwinds. And that to me is like the woman part,

where the breath of who you are is in the woodwinds. Then you have your strings and say,

that's your parenting part where you are the bow and your child is the actual instrument,

like the violin or the cello. And you are guiding you're, you know, putting your finger on the

strings and playing to really make the music that you want out of with your child with your child.

Okay. Because that's a partnership in and of itself. And then I'm just going to go to the

third, which is the percussion, right? The rhythm of life, which is any and all other roles, like

the making of the money, the other interaction, other relationships with the co-parent and

friends and all of that. So that's just the regular rhythm of life. And as you are living

your life, you're still like, you're still Danielle. And I know you're not a parent,

but I just want to use you as an example. Danielle is like, Hey, Danielle, as a mom,

that the strings may be louder when you are really like in that role, because you're focused on

getting your children out the door, getting them to school. And then you go back to just being who

you are and doing what you need to do on a daily basis, being that business owner and supporting

your clients. But then the school calls you and says, Hey, your child forgot their lunch. And then

you have to step out of that and the strings become louder again. So that is what I mean by

harmonizing. And because balance is not it. There's no, no balance in, in doing this because

with yay, you don't want everything. It's not equal. And then guess what? In order for balance

to happen, you've got to put something on, meaning you might be faking something or picking up

something that probably shouldn't be there in order to have that balance, or you've got to take

something off. Meaning you've got, you might have to diminish your full self just for there to be

balanced. Nah, let's go with harmony and bring our full self into every role that we have

with wisdom and discernment rather than defensiveness and being guarded.

Saying, Oh, I just want safety.

Yeah. I think, yeah, I love that idea of harmony because different parts are

louder, different times. Like everything's always in play. Everyone's keeping time even when they're

not playing, you know? And I think that's important because when I'm a business owner

or when I'm an aunt or when I'm a wife or whatever, I'm not, I don't feel that I feel like the only

time I'm ever a hundred percent myself is when I'm like completely alone, like on the beach

journaling or, you know, like not even do like when I'm not doing anything that involves anyone

else ever, you know? So there's, there's a fluidity to that, which I think is, is really beautiful

and that you can just kind of bring it all kind of like music. I love that you say that you are

the conductor of your life because one of my favorite poems is Invictus by William Ernest

Henley. I don't know if you know it. Do you know that one? The last line is, I am, you just look it

up. The last line is I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. And I love that idea

of having like a boat in the storm that you're like at the front. And it's the same kind of

thing. It's the conductor of your life. It's you're the one in charge. You're the one who's

bringing it all together. You are, you are not controlling, but almost not, you're like a conduit

for everything to kind of flow through it. And I think that's so beautiful. So is, is that the

kind of work you do with your clients? Yes, that is the work that I do with my clients, which is

I partner with them in a way to say you are the subject matter expert of your own life, i.e. you

are the conductor of your life. We will start with one role. And then we take it to one

responsibility to be able to say, okay, is that really just a responsibility? Or are there some

expectations and meshed in there? Those expectations, which I call the rigid rules,

because those rigid rules are rules that you didn't consciously choose. They may have been

operating in the background. And now we get to bring them to the foreground and say,

does that expectation fit in this relationship with my children, with my boss?

Does this expectation fit in relationship to me? Because some of us, when we are by ourselves

on the beach or in our rooms at night, we may not know who we are yet. And on that journey,

yeah, we get to look at the person in the mirror. As I say, the Michael Jackson song,

when I really listened to those lyrics, I'm like, wisdom in there. Just listen to the lyrics. You

don't have to like the man. Listen to the lyrics. The person in the mirror is the one who gets to

make the change. Right? So if you are going to sleep at night saying, oh, I'm second guessing

myself as a employee, but I am kicking butt. I keep touching my microphone. I'm kicking butt

as a mother. That's good. Because then you can say, hey, in my proudness of being a mom,

who am I being where I feel so successful in it? And then you can take those ways of being and say,

hey, I might have some growth edges as an employee, but I'm strong over here in this role.

Let me bring that beingness and really bring it out in this role and figure out what's keeping me

from being fully me in this role. So that is the work that we do. It is, again, it's a strategy.

And as one coach told me, she said, I'm the guide. I'm not the ride. And I was like,

oh, but I wanted you to carry all of my burdens. I'll listen to them, but I'm not carrying them.

So to hear that, I was like, oh, but I'm this woman. Don't you know all of the stuff that

I've been through? You should feel so sorry for me. Because I feel sorry for myself.

Operating as a victim is a real thing. And I'm not going to shame anyone in that space.

Because I was in that space. You get to choose if that's where you want to stay.

Because many of us are saying, oh, I'm just managing. I'm just getting by.

My vision for you ladies and gentlemen and children is to do more than just get by.

Because there's so many possibilities when we step out of the pain, the perfection, and the past.

And we step into the present possibilities for the potential to plant seeds for the future.

But the future starts right now. And your future self is going to say, thank you for finally

being comfortable being uncomfortable. Thank you for creating a structure that was no longer rigid,

that no longer kept you captive, but allowed you to make choices within that framework.

Where you can still expect something, and then you wait and see what actually happens,

which is what I call expectancy. Expect and see. That's my framework that I support women through.

And it starts on Wednesdays during the Elevating Conversations.

So come out on the Wednesday. Come out to the Wednesday Conversations. I love this,

the unattachment to outcome. We can plan as much as we like, but the plan is essential,

but it is never the reality. Doing the plan is important. It's important to work. It's

important to understand where you are and what you want, but it's never what's going to happen.

And so, you know, doing our best, setting our best intentions, and then being unattached to

the outcome, I think is, oh, that has been a lesson for me to learn. And it has made my life

so much easier since I have learned it. That's for sure. So you talk about this and many other things,

wonderful, exciting things in your podcast. You have guests, you do solo shows, you do both.

So tell us about what community you're building. You're building this podcast on this network.

This network is about creating change. It's about being a positive force in the world.

What are you building into the future? Where does this go?

I want to disrupt what is familiar. I want to disrupt comfort zones. It's not going to feel

good because it didn't feel good for me. But what was beneficial was I didn't do it by myself.

So evolving with Elle is where I hold up a mirror and I provide a map. And that map

could be stories from me, stories from the experts that I interview, stories that we share

on Wednesdays during Elevating Conversations. All of that is a map where each woman then gets to

choose the direction that works for her. And then I also provide and partner with each woman

to provide a method for her. I want to say we can get there tomorrow, but let's think about

all of the different roles that you have, all of the different responsibilities. So

it is a journey, but on the journey, you will begin to feel lighter because you're no longer

weighed down by responsibilities and meshed in expectation. You're letting the expectations go.

And then based on your relationship, you get to choose how you fulfill the responsibilities

tied to it. And you carry yours, not anyone else's in the relationship,

which may also mean the people that you are in relationship with based on your role may say,

huh, Danielle is changing. I don't think I like it. That's fine if they don't like it.

You get to honor who you are, Danielle, as you are evolving and becoming and just being who

you actually are. It's not becoming, you're just being more and more of who you are. I know a lot

of us say becoming, and I want to change that. Yeah. It's not like there's an end goal. Yeah.

It's not like there's an end goal. We are, we are shifting. We are evolving, but we are complete now.

Also. Yeah. I like that. And okay. Part of my other vision, apologies as parents. Okay. Because

when I talk about, I'm supporting women, especially women with children,

it's because of the impact that we have on the next generation. Like what the impact that my

mother had on me. Yes. Some things I could have done without, but other things I'm like,

I'm so glad she planted that seed in me to where now I can be better. And what I am doing for my

children, it's like, Hey, I want you to use your voice now. Do they fully understand what I'm

saying? No, but I'm doing my part in planting seeds and giving them the space to figure out

who they are now, because they are closer to their divine heart essence than where I am,

where I'm just now figuring it out. Right. I was buried under so many different things

and I want to share it with my children and other women with children and even plant seeds with other

children who will, you know, developing people so that they know like, Hey, I don't have to,

I can use my voice in a respectful way with my parents to where I also feel seen.

And I'm also allowing my, letting my parents know that I see them too, because I, and one of my

guests said growth and maturity are not the same thing. So someone who could be hot dog on this

microphone, someone who is younger can have more maturity in a particular area than someone who

was older. Oh yeah. And we get to, as parents recognize that and not try to control it out of

a child where we don't control them. We guide them. We are in authority over them. We're responsible

for and to them, but we can't not control them because controlling them, it's stealing their

voice. That's what I've learned anyway. So, yeah. Well, and that's so important what you are doing

because helping, you know, women find their voice and also helping, you know, women help their

children find their voice. I mean, this is a big part of what I do obviously is helping people

uncover all of the garbage that they have covered themselves in. It's a terrible image,

but you know, we do, we, we, we hide ourselves and everybody else's expectations and who we should

be and all that stuff. And I have adults coming to me in their thirties and forties and fifties

and sixties and seventies going, Hey, I want to learn how to express myself for the first time.

And the earlier we can get to people, the earlier we can start empowering people to use their own

voices. If we can start with the youth now, oh my goodness, how amazing will the world be when

everyone is being true to themselves? You know, that is, that is a huge, that's a huge part of,

I think our alignment is what kind of a world can we be in, in a respectful way, of course,

in a way that respects life and is tolerant and embraces diversity. But what if we could all be

true to ourselves and express ourselves and use our voices in a way that is authentic and

powerful and real? What if we were all taught to do that from a young age? How different would the

world be? Wow. Yeah. And let's do that. Yes. And to acknowledge the thousand pound gorilla or

whatever in the room. Some of us may think that that's not possible. They'll be stepping on tools

and it's not possible for everybody to do whatever they want. We need rules and da da da da. Okay.

So competition, competitiveness. I come from, my dad was a professional football player. So I

understand competition. I was a basketball, volleyball, ran track. No competition. I was on

the science bowl. I know competition. Did you, could you get it that I know competition? So

with what Danielle was sharing about all of us being authentic and true to ourselves is possible

even when we might have different goals in mind, because that means, okay, go somewhere else where

it fits for you. Don't try to be this square peg in a round hole kind of thing and force your way

into a group that doesn't fit. And let's say you're born into that group when you feel you

don't fit, you know, that group that we call a family where things are familiar in the family,

because that's kind of part of the root of that word. Sometimes you might have to take a break

from your family. Maybe it's temporary. Maybe it's permanent, but guess what? You get to create

your own. And Danielle is part of my family. So when she shared, when you shared Danielle about

people coming to you with so much on them, what Danielle supported me through was finding my

authentic voice because I had so many unexpressed emotions that through her coaching, I stepped out

and I practiced with her and sometimes not with her, but maybe when I was with her, I was like,

where are these tears coming from? Where is this anger coming from? But it was like trusting the

process. And now there are things that I can have a smile on my face about and still acknowledge

the difficulty of it, still remain connected to my humanity without performance.

And I am grateful for my other cohorts in the community as well, because it lets me know I'm

not alone. So Danielle's community has springboarded, catapulted me to this place

where I can create Evolving with Elle when capable women carry too much. So thank you, sister.

Oh, thanks Elle. And it is so important, you know, I think, oh, we listen to those ideas that

emotions are bad or that we shouldn't feel things. And it is so important not only to feel your

emotions, but to honor them, not to, you know, act on them on other people, not to, you know,

not to act on them and enact them on other people. I don't know where they're going for, but

to feel them and to honor them and to let them move through us. It's so important not to deny

how we're feeling, because that's part of denying who you are. It's part of denying

the signals that your body and your soul are sending you. And why would you want to do that?

Why would you want to do that? So Elle, thank you so much. Thank you for this beautiful conversation.

Oh, my goodness. Everybody listen to her podcast. Listen to Evolving with Elle. Go and join the

conversations where you can you can interact with Elle in real time on Wednesdays. You know,

listen to her in between. Listen to her in between and then go to the Wednesdays. And if you're a

woman, go to the Wednesdays and have these conversations, these really perspective shifting,

curious, compassionate, just very gentle conversations with Elle, because we do. We

need to live in community. We need to be gently challenged. We need to be taken a little bit,

just a little bit out of our comfort zone, not too much. So thank you, Elle, so much for being

here. This was the best conversation ever. I had a great time. And we'll see you on your podcast.

Yes. Thank you, Danielle. And please join Danielle's community. Become your own inspired

speaker as you speak to yourself. You create your own podcast. Danielle is very supportive.

And yeah, just join her community, too, please. Can't wait to see you guys there.

I hope you enjoyed that wonderful conversation as much as I did. Elle is a treasured friend

and a fantastic client. I have absolutely loved working with her. We still continue to work

together. It hasn't ended, but it has been such a joy to watch her evolve with herself.

And I just wanted to say, you know, we talked a bit about comfort zones and we didn't get to go

into it as deep because you never get to say everything you want to say on an interview,

even when you go longer than you plan. But I just wanted to say about comfort zones,

I think it's so important, yes, to be aware and to be vigilant of where you are being complacent,

of where you are autopilot. But also, and this is something that I know Elle, if you ask her,

she will say that she really appreciated with me. I do think it's important, especially with me,

with what I do, to help people to push their own comfort zones. It's not about throwing someone in

the deep end and seeing if they sink or swim. I don't think that's the right way to do it.

You know, it can work occasionally, but it takes a lot more work and a lot more support.

And then we have to transition out of that at some point. For me, I think the way that I love

to coach and the way that, especially with public speaking, because it is so scary,

creating a space where people feel so safe, not comfortable, but safe that they can challenge

themselves. They don't even need me. Like I'll start. And if I see that they're getting lazy,

I'll poke them. But what's wonderful about creating a really safe space is when people

feel really safe, they start challenging themselves. They go, Oh, what else could I do?

How could I push myself? When we stop pushing everybody else all the time, do more, do more,

do more, be better, be better. Let's be that. And we just create a space where people can truly just

connect to themselves and be themselves. I believe that that's when we can start choosing

to push our comfort zones in a way that serves us the best. So when I'm working with people,

I don't push them out of their comfort zones. I will encourage them, you know, Hey, why don't

you try this? And I will, I will give them feedback on what I notice. But for me, the most

important thing is allowing them to feel so safe that they can mess up, that they can try something

and fail. And there's no judgment. There's no, you know, outside consequences to like, Oh no,

you forgot to say what you were going to say, or, you know, you looked foolish.

Every time we try something, we grow. And when we step out of our comfort zone voluntarily,

when we allow ourselves to not be pushed, but to be pulled outside of our comfort zone,

I think that's the big difference. You know, if you, your heart is pulling you outside of

your comfort zone, that's the kind of growth I want to do. And it's been so fun with Elle and

with the other people that I've been working with in this network, but also in the Inspired Speaker

Academy, in the Inspired Speaker Academy in general, I can say my own business name. I can.

What's so amazing is I get to, yes, I get to keep them honest and I get to make sure that no one is

lying or performing or showing up inauthentically. But within that I get to create a really safe,

encouraging space where people can start to figure out how to push themselves, how to be pulled out

of their comfort zone on their own so that they're not following my path. They're following their own

path. They're figuring out what type of a speaker they want to be. They're figuring out which edges

they want to push, not what society says or what other people. And, you know, because we can get

out of our comfort zones in a way that is detrimental to us. We can do that a lot. As

someone who has social anxiety, as someone who's quite introverted, I have spent most of my life

outside of my comfort zone, but in a bad way. And it wasn't useful. And it was only when I learned

that, oh, hey, I can be safe and then I can start to create my own shape of my comfort zone that for

me things really clicked. And so Elle Jaye, she touched on that, but I just thought there was more to say.

So I just wanted to add that to our conversation. And I know that she'd love to be here for that,

but she's not. But I just wanted to mention that at the end, because I think this is part of how

we grow. We don't have to push each other. We don't have to punish each other. We don't need

to be violent. We can grow in this beautiful, accepting, loving, compassionate space. Growth

is still possible inside compassion. And I think that's something that she demonstrates

really beautifully in the way that she coaches. And I hope that it's something that I demonstrate,

because it's something that's very important to me. So thank you for listening to this episode.

I hope you got something out of it. Go check out Elle Jaye's podcast, the Evolving with Elle,

When Capable Women Carry Too Much. And also go check out her Elevating Conversations on Wednesdays

and participate. Become part of the community. If that's something that's important to you,

let's build it. Let's build it together. I'll see you there.