What if the biggest thing holding you back isn't your past...

It's the story your past taught you to believe?

In this episode of Tammy's Takes, trauma-informed coach Tammy Vincent explores one of the most powerful concepts from her recent conversation with therapist Aaron Gilbert: your default story.

Many adult children of dysfunctional families unknowingly carry childhood beliefs into adulthood—beliefs like I'm not enough, I have to earn love, I can't trust anyone, or I'm responsible for everyone else's happiness. These stories often shape our relationships, confidence, and emotional well-being without us even realizing it.

Tammy introduces her simple STORY Method, a practical five-step framework designed to help you identify the beliefs you've been living by, challenge old survival patterns, and begin creating a new story rooted in truth instead of trauma.

In this episode you'll discover:

• What a "default story" really is

• Why childhood experiences become lifelong beliefs

• How survival mode creates unhealthy thought patterns

• Tammy's five-step STORY Method for challenging limiting beliefs

• Why curiosity is more powerful than self-criticism

• How to begin replacing survival stories with self-trust

• The small daily choices that create lasting emotional healing

If you've ever felt stuck in the same relationship patterns, battled a harsh inner critic, or wondered why you keep repeating behaviors you logically know aren't serving you, this episode offers hope—and practical steps you can begin using today.

Healing isn't about erasing your past.

It's about refusing to let your past write the rest of your story.

🎧 Inspired By

This episode was inspired by Tammy's conversation with licensed therapist Aaron Gilbert, where they explored childhood trauma, healing, self-acceptance, and the concept of our "default story."

Be sure to listen to the full interview for an even deeper discussion on healing from dysfunctional family dynamics.

❤️ READY TO REWRITE YOUR STORY?

If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to stop living by beliefs that were formed in survival mode, I'd love to help.

As a trauma-informed coach, I help adult children of dysfunctional families rebuild self-trust, regulate their nervous system, and create lasting emotional healing.

🎁 Schedule your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call

https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call

Together we'll explore your unique story and create practical next steps toward the life you truly want.

Well, hello everybody, and welcome back

to another episode of Tammy's Takes.

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Today I wanna talk about something that

I think has the power to completely

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change the way you see yourself.

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I recently sat down with therapist

Aaron Gilbert, and he used a phrase

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that immediately caught my attention.

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He called it your default story,

and I haven't been able to stop

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thinking about it, honestly.

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Because the truth is, most of us aren't

living our lives based on facts, period.

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We're living our lives based on

stories, stories we learned when we

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were way too young to question them.

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If you grew up in dysfunction, if

you grew up walking on eggshells,

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if love felt conditional, if you had

to become who everyone else wanted

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you to be just to survive, those

experiences became your default story.

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Maybe your story sounds

something like this, and let me

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know if this sounds familiar.

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"I'm not enough.

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I have to make everyone happy.

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I'm too much.

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I can't trust anyone.

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If people knew me, they wouldn't love me."

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The list goes on and on of the

things that I said to myself, but

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the problem is, those weren't facts.

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They're conclusions, conclusions

your younger self came to

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while trying to survive.

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And what was so powerful about

what Aaron's message was this:

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just because you always believed

something, it doesn't make it true.

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I'm going to repeat that.

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Just because you've always believed

something doesn't make it true.

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So today, I wanna give you

a simple framework that you

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can start using immediately.

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I call it my STORY method.

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You know, if you've listened to

my podcast, if you've listened

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to Tammy's Takes, you know

that I always have a method.

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I always have a strategy.

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I always have something simple

that you can put into place that

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you can use right here, right now.

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So this is the STORY method.

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S, spot the story.

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The next time you get

triggered, I want you to pause.

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I want you to listen to the first

sentence that pops into your head.

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If that - message or sentence is, "I

failed," "I'm not good enough," "They're

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going to leave me," "I always mess things

up," I don't want you to argue with it.

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I don't judge it.

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I just simply want you to notice it,

because awareness is always, always

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the first step towards healing.

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Number two, T, trace it back.

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Now I want you to ask yourself,

where did I learn this?

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Who made me believe this about myself?

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Was it your parent?

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Was it your teacher?

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Was it a coach?

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Was it a relationship?

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Was it a bully?

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Who was it?

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Or maybe possibly, maybe you were

just simply trying to make sense of

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a childhood that didn't feel safe.

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But I want you to remember,

children don't blame their parents.

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Children blame themselves.

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They internalize absolutely everything,

because believing that you're the

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problem as a child feels safer

than believing that the people who

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are supposed to protect you can't.

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So number three, observe with curiosity.

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This is the O.

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This is one of my favorite parts.

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Instead of criticizing

yourself, get curious.

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Just ask yourself, is this actually true?

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What evidence do I have?

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Find evidence to support this.

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Would I ever even say

this to someone I love?

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These are the questions you have

to start asking yourselves, because

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curiosity creates space, and healing

in that space is where it happens.

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Healing happens in that

space of curiosity.

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I think you've probably heard

me say it 1,000 times if

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you've listened to my podcast.

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Curiosity softens everything.

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So that is the O.

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R, replace it with reality.

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Notice I didn't say replace

it with positive thinking.

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I said replace it with a reality.

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So instead of saying, "I'm a failure,"

maybe try saying, "Man, I've struggled

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with this before, and I've gotten

through it every single one of those

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hard days, so I'm not a failure."

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Instead of saying, "Nobody loves

me," try saying, "I'm learning how

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to build healthier relationships."

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Healing isn't about lying to yourself.

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It's about telling yourself the truth.

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Think about that.

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It definitely is.

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So challenge , those statements

that you make to yourself.

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And this fifth step, which

is why, is your next choice.

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So this is where your future changes.

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Not because the bad thought suddenly

disappears or you never have them again,

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because that would be unrealistic, but

because you make a different decision.

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Maybe today, just maybe, you

start talking kindly to yourself.

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Maybe today you set a boundary

and you stop people-pleasing, and

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you give yourself what you want.

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Maybe, just maybe, and bear

with me here, guys, you finally

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rest without feeling guilty.

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Because every single healthy choice you

make begins with writing a new story.

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I used to say that I felt like, my

story was being written, that somebody

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was writing a book about me, and

I wasn't freaking holding the pen.

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I wasn't the one writing the story.

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Everybody else was writing the

story, and it's time, guys, that

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you start to write your own story.

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Because this is something I want you

to remember, and I want you to let this

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travel with you throughout the day.

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The story that you learned isn't

necessarily the story that's true.

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You were born worthy.

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You were born lovable.

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You were born enough.

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Life might have convinced you otherwise.

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My, one of my favorite sayings

is you were born this beautiful,

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divine, joyous, amazing creature,

and then life lifed on you.

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Life convinced you otherwise,

but it's not the truth.

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So I want you to start healing,

because healing is a process of

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remembering who you were before the

world told you who you had to be.

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So if this message resonated with

you, I highly encourage you to go

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back and listen to the full episode

with therapist Aaron Gilbert.

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He is absolutely amazing.

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In that conversation, we dive much

deeper into the idea of your default

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story, why we repeat old patterns,

and how healing really begins.

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And if you're wondering what your own

default story is, or if you're tired

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of living by beliefs that no longer

serve you, I would love to help you.

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I offer a complimentary c- clarity

and calm call where we can explore

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the patterns keeping you stuck

and create practical steps towards

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building a life that's based on

truth and not survival, my friends.

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So find the link in the show notes,

but until next time, remember this: you

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are not the story that happened to you.

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You are the author of the

story you choose to write next.

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So have a beautiful week, and

guys, pick up the pen and write

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the ending to your own story.

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Don't let someone else write it for you.

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You are so much more worthy

than that, I promise you.

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Have a blessed day, and we

will see you back next week.