Shownotes
Lewis Crompton explores his transformative journey from a strict religious upbringing to discovering personal freedom and identity. The discussion dives deep into the psychological impacts of childhood trauma, the allure of religious certainty, and the empowering role of supportive communities. Lewis candidly shares his struggles and triumphs, offering invaluable lessons on resilience, self-discovery, and creating inclusive environments.
The Complex Relationship Between Trauma and Religious Commitment: Lewis Crompton shares how suppressed childhood trauma often leads people to seek the psychological safety found in the black-and-white belief systems of a strict religious environment. This insight sheds light on the intricate connection between personal trauma and the desire for certainty that such religious structures offer, providing listeners with a deeper understanding of the psychological underpinnings of religious commitment and an enlightened perspective on their own experiences.
Reclaiming Personal Freedom and Redefining Identity: Throughout the episode, Lewis reflects on his journey of breaking away from the confines of his religious upbringing. Through therapy and self-reflection, he uncovered suppressed memories and gained a clearer understanding of his behaviors. This journey towards self-awareness enabled him to redefine his identity outside of the religious context, emphasizing the importance of personal freedom in achieving authentic self-expression.
The Role of Community in Facilitating Personal Growth: Lewis emphasizes the crucial role of community in his ongoing journey of personal growth and healing. By fostering a supportive financial trading community, he has created a space where individuals feel psychologically safe and empowered. This aspect of his story highlights the transformative power of building inclusive and understanding environments where people can thrive and support each other.
Guest Bio:
Lewis Crompton is dedicated to helping 1 million families live with less stress and more fun through financial education and empowerment. He achieved financial freedom by trading financial markets over a decade ago, having been taught by Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad and later headhunted to teach for them. As a leading voice in the industry, Lewis champions safe, systematic, and profitable trading techniques. He developed the STARTrading Method, empowering individuals to trade efficiently in under 30 minutes daily, generating exceptional monthly returns.
Connect with Lewis Crompton:
Access a free masterclass from Lewis on trading and wealth creation: https://startradingnow.com/the-startrading-masterclass-podcast/
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Transcripts
Snowball effect, right?
Lewis Crompton:Because you get to that moment, it's not a passive or arbitrary thing or a small thing.
:It's a big deal to get to.
Lewis Crompton:That point, because for me, it was stepping away from ten years plus worth.
:Of relationships and friendships and people who.
Lewis Crompton:Felt like family, like truly felt like family, knowing that there was going to be a big time rejection and I'd.
:Have to step away, I'd have to give up my ordination, I wouldn't be.
Lewis Crompton:Able to help people the way I was helping people.
:I'd lose income from what I was.
Lewis Crompton:Doing there as well.
Lewis Crompton:There was all these kind of other.
:Factors that I had to bear in mind before making my decision.
Lewis Crompton:You start to realize that a lot.
:Of what you'd kind of been told about the world, so non christians just isn't quite true.
Lewis Crompton:And so all these kind of things.
:I had believed started to not make sense or ring true anymore.
Lewis Crompton:And I was dealing with my own sexuality.
:When I say dealing with it, just.
Lewis Crompton:Kinda kind of coming to terms with it, trying to experience it, figure out what it was.
Lewis Crompton:Was this just the devil trying to attack me, take me out the equation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
Lewis Crompton:Or was this actually who I was?
Lewis Crompton:And it got to the point where I was fasting, so stopping myself eating, I was crying myself to sleep at night because I just wanted God to change who I was.
Lewis Crompton:Going through conversion therapy, having people try.
:To cast demons out of me, all of this sort of stuff to try.
Lewis Crompton:And get rid of this gay thing.
Lewis Crompton:And there was one moment I was staying at my parents house, and I.
:Cried myself to sleep the night before.
Lewis Crompton:I got up in the morning.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):This week's guest is Lewis Crompton.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):He is truly a remarkable individual who's kind of transformed his life from this really strict religious community that he loved to a journey of personal freedom and self discovery.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):In this conversation, we talk about his life experience, moving into this rigid belief system and fully embracing that environment and feeling like he was doing great work and helping so many people, and how he was able to fully embrace his identity, moving out of that space and into a new version of his life, really, truly, maybe for the first time, feeling like he was living with full authenticity and full freedom in who he was.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):Intertwined within his story, Lewis shares how he built this supportive financial trading community and a space where individuals are really, truly empowered to achieve financial freedom and personal growth and building that community together.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):So whether you're navigating your path or simply seeking inspiration, I think Louis's story will resonate with you.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):I really enjoyed this candid conversation with Lewis Crompton, and I hope you do, too.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):So, without further ado, here is my conversation with Lewis Crompton.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the life shift.
or/Interviewer (unknown name):Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that.
Matt Gilhooly:Have changed lives forever.
Matt Gilhooly:Hello, my friends.
Matt Gilhooly:Welcome to the Life Shift podcast.
Matt Gilhooly:I am here with Lewis.
Matt Gilhooly:Hello, Lewis.
Lewis Crompton:Hello.
Lewis Crompton:Hello.
Lewis Crompton:Thank you for having me.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, thank you for joining.
Matt Gilhooly:We were talking a little bit before recording, and I'm always just so honored that people that I've never met are willing to have a personal conversation on the Life Shift podcast.
Matt Gilhooly:And really, the goal is that there's someone out there, or there are multiple someones out there, that maybe feel alone in their circumstances.
Matt Gilhooly:And by hearing people's stories and how they overcame certain things, or how they found the internal fire to do whatever they may do, those kind of things make them feel a little less alone, and then they can kind of move through those moments.
Matt Gilhooly:And it's really my goal.
Matt Gilhooly:So, thank you for just wanting to be a part of this experiment that I'm doing.
Lewis Crompton:It's a pleasure.
Lewis Crompton:It really is.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, just for anyone listening, if you haven't heard the show before, it's the first time listening because Louis is on.
Matt Gilhooly:Welcome.
Matt Gilhooly:But also, this show stems from my own personal experience.
Matt Gilhooly:When I was eight years old, my mom was killed in a motorcycle accident.
Matt Gilhooly:And at that moment in time, my parents were divorced, lived multiple states apartheid.
Matt Gilhooly:I was visiting my dad.
Matt Gilhooly:My dad had to sit me down and tell me that that happened.
Matt Gilhooly:And at that moment, everything in my life was changed.
Matt Gilhooly:I lived with my mom full time, so I was going to have to move to a different state, live with my father, go to a different school.
Matt Gilhooly:Life was going to be quite different.
Matt Gilhooly:And it was the time period when a lot of people weren't talking about mental health.
Matt Gilhooly:They weren't talking about a grieving eight year old child.
Matt Gilhooly:They were just like, let's push it under the rug.
Matt Gilhooly:He will adapt.
Matt Gilhooly:He'll go forward.
Matt Gilhooly:And in that time, in that time of grief, I really felt alone.
Matt Gilhooly:I felt like there was no one else out there that had a similar experience.
Matt Gilhooly:I think logically I knew, but I think emotionally, I felt very alone.
Matt Gilhooly:And so that's really why this show exists, because I want those other people, like I was mentioning, to feel less alone and know that there is hope, and then know that they're not the only person that's ever gone through something and overcome or move through.
Matt Gilhooly:So that is a little bit of why the Life Shift podcast exists.
Matt Gilhooly:It's just, I know a lot of people have lots of life shift moments, but that particular one really started everything for me.
Matt Gilhooly:So a little bit about that.
Matt Gilhooly: little bit about who you are: Matt Gilhooly:Like what?
Matt Gilhooly:What does your life look like these days?
:Well, I wish I was still 24.
Lewis Crompton:That'd be great.
Lewis Crompton:Unfortunately, I'm 35, so unfortunately it's still quite young, really, isn't it?
Lewis Crompton:So, not going to complain.
:So, I'm 35 years old, I live in the UK.
Lewis Crompton:Originally born and bred in London, I then left London.
Lewis Crompton:I mean, I've lived all over the.
:Place, traveled all over the place, lived in New York for a little bit.
Lewis Crompton:Of time as well, which chewed me.
:Up and spat me out.
Matt Gilhooly:And then probably not the only one.
Lewis Crompton:No, I don't think I am.
Lewis Crompton:And yet moved back to the UK, lived in north London for a bit, then end up in east London for a few years before deciding city life was not for me anymore.
:I wanted peace and quiet and space.
:So I moved into the middle of nowhere, in the countryside in the UK.
Lewis Crompton:And I love it.
:Absolutely love it.
Lewis Crompton:So, yes, 35 years old, living in the middle of nowhere.
:I run a company which empowers other.
Lewis Crompton:People with the ability to trade financial markets safely and profitably, using a methodology.
:That I kind of created over the past ten years of my own trading.
:That if they're UK based, is tax free, which we love.
:Unfortunately, in other parts of the world.
Lewis Crompton:It'S not tax free, but it does only take 30 minutes a day and.
:It'S low risk and high reward.
:So I absolutely love what I do.
Lewis Crompton:We've got a global community who are all just so supportive.
Lewis Crompton:They want to see each other do.
:Well, want to see each other succeeded.
Lewis Crompton:Seed and, yeah, just having a great time doing that.
Matt Gilhooly:That's awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you feel more like a business owner, a teacher or an investor?
:Oh, that's a brilliant question.
Lewis Crompton:Which one?
Lewis Crompton:I definitely feel when you run your.
:Own business, that you wear multiple hats every single day.
Lewis Crompton:I probably say I feel out of.
:All of those, the one I feel.
Lewis Crompton:The least like as an investor, because the style of trading and investing I do is only 30 minutes a day, so I only have to have that.
:Hat on for 30 minutes.
Lewis Crompton:So I probably lean more into teacher business owner slash someone just desperately trying.
:To keep the wheels on in every area of their life as best as they possibly can.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, you're not alone in that either.
Matt Gilhooly:I think there's a lot of people that are trying to do that.
Matt Gilhooly:But the way you describe it, it sounds like you really enjoy it.
Matt Gilhooly:And that, like, and I would imagine that the nice piece to that is that community that you've created and to know that you've created that and to, like, live in that and help people feel safe, financially safe or financially stable, I bet is a nice little extra reward for you.
Lewis Crompton:And I think definitely even this morning I woke up just really full of gratitude for the community.
Lewis Crompton:And I messaged them all, not individually, because that would take forever, but collectively.
:When you grow a community.
Lewis Crompton:Yes, I set it up.
Lewis Crompton:Yes, I'm technically the figurehead.
:I'm leading it all of those things.
Lewis Crompton:But you can't do it without good people.
Lewis Crompton:And they are such good people.
:Every single one of them brings something to the table, brings something to the.
Lewis Crompton:Equation, makes us who we are as a community.
Lewis Crompton:So, yes, sometimes I have to play the leader card of that's not acceptable.
:This is acceptable.
Lewis Crompton:Encourage the good behaviors, like manage the bad behaviors.
:And sometimes you get hate for that.
:Not necessary from within our community.
Lewis Crompton:But, yeah, it's definitely not always easy.
:It can be very, very stressful.
:It can end up being a lot of hours.
Lewis Crompton:But I do ultimately love what I do because what I do comes from.
:A sense of mission.
Lewis Crompton:It's not about the business making money.
:Although businesses have to make money to survive.
Lewis Crompton:It's about what the business does and.
:What it brings to people and what that community has empowered.
Lewis Crompton:And I want to pick up on.
:The word safety because that's something which.
Lewis Crompton:Is super important to me, to make.
:People feel safe, make them feel peaceful.
Lewis Crompton:Yes, we're teaching them financial skills, but within the community, we have to make.
:Them feel safe and comfortable.
Lewis Crompton:And that's why we behave the way we behave.
Lewis Crompton:We have a certain set of values that I hope allow people to feel safe and brave, to try to do things, to share things, which I suppose.
:All comes down to psychological safety as well as financial safety.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, it sounds like you're providing that.
Matt Gilhooly:And I think that sometimes we lean into that more based on our own personal experiences or times when we didn't feel safe or we didn't feel like we belonged.
Matt Gilhooly:And I think I talked to a lot of people that have created communities because of situations in their own lives.
Matt Gilhooly:So curious to see if, as we talk today, if part of your life story kind of maybe planted those seeds along the way to do what you do.
Matt Gilhooly:So before we get into, or as we get into it, maybe you can kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to kind of the moment that we're going to talk about today, this life shift moment.
Matt Gilhooly:And you can go back as far as you need to.
Matt Gilhooly:Orlando, as close to the moment as you need to.
Matt Gilhooly:Whatever helps paint that picture.
:Sure.
Lewis Crompton:So I'll see how far I go back.
Lewis Crompton:So it was a cold, windy evening.
Lewis Crompton:No, I won't go back quite that far.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I feel like I've lived a.
:Lot of lives in 35 years.
:When I was growing.
:I grew up in north London.
Lewis Crompton:My parents were wonderful people, they were both teachers.
Lewis Crompton:So it stands to reason that I've ended up in a teaching world context, just very different to standard education, but.
:Still very much teaching and coaching and helping people.
:They would take me to the local.
Lewis Crompton:Church in order to get into local primary school.
Lewis Crompton:That's kind of what you had to do.
Lewis Crompton:But we weren't a particularly religious family.
Lewis Crompton:We didn't say prayers at home, we didn't say grace before we ate or anything like that.
Lewis Crompton:We weren't.
Lewis Crompton:We were christian by name and that was pretty much it.
:I do think my dad kind of has a bit of a faith, more.
Lewis Crompton:So than my mum, but very much kind of personal faith and wasn't really talked about.
Lewis Crompton:But we would go to church.
Lewis Crompton:It was a good place for me to be looked after on a Sunday.
:Morning so they didn't have to look after me.
:And in the summer holidays I used.
Lewis Crompton:To go on church camps as well, which, again, a good way for my parents to have a bit of time off during their summer holidays because they're both teachers as well without having to look after me.
Matt Gilhooly:It's kind of an expected journey.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, were a lot of people, like in your community also just going to church?
Matt Gilhooly:Because that's just like what everyone did.
Matt Gilhooly:It was not like drawn to it.
Lewis Crompton:Exactly.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I think a lot of religions.
:Are kind of similar.
Lewis Crompton:There's the cultural element of it and there's the faith element of it.
Lewis Crompton:And so I would say culturally, we.
:Were probably christian versus being hardcore faith involved in Christianity.
Lewis Crompton:But then as I kind of went into my teen years, I started to latch onto those faith elements more and more and more for myself, kind of at the concern, to be honest, of my parents, who weren't particularly that hardcore in their faith.
Lewis Crompton:I ended up doing things like street evangelism, faith healings, prophetic stuff, which is basically the christian word for psychic stuff.
:And getting more and more involved, heavily, heavily involved in a very spiritual side.
Lewis Crompton:Of it, which meant everything became very black and white.
Lewis Crompton:Right.
Lewis Crompton:Or wrong.
Lewis Crompton:You're either making space for God or making space for the devil, that kind of thing.
Matt Gilhooly:And you were naturally drawn to this?
:Very naturally drawn to it, yeah.
Lewis Crompton:I do think I'm.
Lewis Crompton:I'm a fairly spiritual person, and I'll explain what happened when I was 18, which opened up other doors of understanding for me.
: So, when I was: Lewis Crompton:As a counselor within the church.
Lewis Crompton:And there's part of that process where you get your own counselor, your own therapy, and you learn to identify certain concerns that people may have or certain.
:Problems that people may be facing through.
Lewis Crompton:These questionnaires that you give them before you start a session with them.
Lewis Crompton:And as I was practicing filling out.
:The form for one of my sessions.
Lewis Crompton:I realized I was ticking a lot of certain boxes that, when those boxes were explained to me, highlighted the fact that there was potentially childhood trauma that had happened that I just wasn't aware of.
Lewis Crompton:So all the suppressed memory kind of thing.
:And the reason I go into that is because as those memories started to come out and I started to learn.
Lewis Crompton:More about trauma and the things that happened to me as well.
:One of the things I learned about.
Lewis Crompton:Trauma is that it makes you want.
:To seek psychological safety in black and white.
:So you have super clear boundaries.
Lewis Crompton:Super clear.
:This is safe.
:This is not safe.
:This is acceptable.
Lewis Crompton:This is not acceptable.
Lewis Crompton:And that boundary line that was drawn.
:For me within the church became very attractive because I didn't have to find that psychological safety for myself.
Lewis Crompton:Here was an organization with a lot.
:Of very loving, very nice people that.
Lewis Crompton:I respected telling me, this is safe.
:This is not safe, this is good, this is bad.
Lewis Crompton:And so it was very easy and.
:Natural for me to buy into that.
Lewis Crompton:Because my brain was so, without me knowing, seeking that psychological safety.
Matt Gilhooly:So fascinating to, like, think back and be able to reflect on that and unpack things and realize that, because I don't think a lot of people do or take the time to.
Matt Gilhooly:It's interesting, too, you gravitate towards that also.
Matt Gilhooly:I think someone might, because society also deemed churches, like, the safe, good thing to do, right?
Matt Gilhooly:Like, it was just seen in society, like, a church can't be bad.
Matt Gilhooly:And so therefore, we kind of feel safe there naturally because of that kind of assumption, I guess, when in reality, any place can be bad and any place can be good and good bad people can be inside of all of those places.
Matt Gilhooly:But I think we kind of naturally, especially if we had trauma and don't maybe not realize it anymore or we've suppressed it enough, you kind of naturally gravitate towards that.
Matt Gilhooly:So that's so fascinating that you went there, but I've never really heard anyone say the black and white piece about that, which is really interesting to hear.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, it is.
Lewis Crompton:I read a book called the body keeps the school brilliant book, and I basically wept the whole way through it.
:Because I was like, this is me just identifying all these behaviors that I.
Lewis Crompton:Had, all these kind of self beliefs.
:Or self perceptions that I had, which actually all rooted in trauma.
:I was like, oh, okay, this is.
Lewis Crompton:Something I need to deal with.
:And I had been dealing with it.
Lewis Crompton:And working on it from that point, but it was such a brilliant book for helping me see, okay, this is why you're experiencing this.
:This is how we can move away from it.
Lewis Crompton:And even that realization for my personality type is really tricky because I don't like looking at anything or using anything as an excuse for my behavior.
Lewis Crompton:I just want to get better or be better, which, funnily enough, is also a trauma response.
Lewis Crompton:So it was this kind of catch 22 for me.
Lewis Crompton:And he just.
:One of the very hard lessons was learning to be kind to myself in the midst of that process, and that process is not over.
Lewis Crompton:Definitely not.
Lewis Crompton:So still very much learning to operate.
:From a place of healthy behaviors, healthy responses, healthy reactions, versus unhealthy ones.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, you're not the only person in that circumstance.
Matt Gilhooly:I think also we're trained to want to fix things, and sometimes we can't fix things without unpacking other things to then understand those things and how we approach them.
Matt Gilhooly:It's.
Matt Gilhooly:You mentioned that in this journey of, in your teens, you were kind of holding on tight to this new world that you were part of, but your parents weren't so excited about that.
Matt Gilhooly:Was it mainly just because they weren't as faith based as maybe you were becoming, or were there other warning signs for them?
Lewis Crompton:I think there are other warning signs for them as well.
:So it was very much.
Lewis Crompton:And this I wouldn't really put down.
:To the fault of the church, or.
Lewis Crompton:At least the church community I was a part of, but it was very intense spiritually because I was deemed as quite gifted in that world.
Lewis Crompton:They wanted me to do more, lead more, teach more, speak more, do more coaching and counseling work, that type of.
:Thing, as it kind of progressed through the years.
Lewis Crompton:And so that would inevitably mean I.
:Didn'T spend as much time with my.
Lewis Crompton:Parents or spend much time with my family.
:I kind of had this whole world.
Lewis Crompton:That existed outside of them, which I.
:Didn'T really want to talk to them about, which I know is a fairly.
Lewis Crompton:Normal teenage thing, but a lot of.
:My behavior is probably quite strange.
Lewis Crompton:Like, I would go to America, 18 by myself to hang out with all these older christian people.
Lewis Crompton:And my parents just had no idea what was going on over there.
Lewis Crompton:Not that anything necessary was going on.
:That was that bad.
Matt Gilhooly:A lot of assumptions can be made, I would imagine, as parents.
Lewis Crompton:A lot of assumptions can be made.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
:And it wasn't all good from a.
Lewis Crompton:Psychological perspective or healthy perspective either, to me and who I was.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, and I think also, as we said, society said churches are good, but I think society also can say that there becomes this kind of mentality that, I don't want to use the word, but a group think that happens, and then people kind of get aligned there.
Matt Gilhooly:And I can imagine your parents are like, are we losing him?
Matt Gilhooly:Like, is he going in a path where we're not going to find him again?
Matt Gilhooly:Because now he's going to be in this space.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:So what?
Matt Gilhooly:So you kept going down that road?
Lewis Crompton:Kept going down that road, yeah.
Lewis Crompton:And it.
Lewis Crompton:It created a lot of separation between me and my parents because we weren't the same.
:We.
:I then was very religious and very.
Lewis Crompton:Spiritual and therefore felt very separate to them and then probably very separate to me as well.
Lewis Crompton:So I remember we went on holiday to Amsterdam once, and they just, middle.
:Of the day, wanted to walk through the red light district to have a.
Lewis Crompton:Look, just out of curiosity.
:And I absolutely point blank refused.
:And I went back to the hotel.
Lewis Crompton:I just wouldn't even entertain it because of the level of perceived purity and cleanliness spiritually, that I wanted to maintain, which that wasn't in alignment with.
Lewis Crompton:So just little things like that.
Lewis Crompton:I mean, it wasn't like it was middle of the night and there was things going on.
Lewis Crompton:I just didn't even want to walk.
:Through the area because I was so.
Lewis Crompton:Concerned about the spiritual energy that that area would hold.
Matt Gilhooly:Was it a fear that you were going to do something wrong?
Matt Gilhooly:Or was it like a true, I can't do that because it's bad.
Lewis Crompton:I don't think it was a fear.
Lewis Crompton:It was more of a, that's not a good thing to do, or I'm.
:Putting myself in a risky position spiritually.
Lewis Crompton:Not.
Lewis Crompton:Not from thinking I was going to do anything, but just the atmosphere, like kind of walking through tar.
:I didn't want to walk through spiritual.
Lewis Crompton:Tar by being in the wrong spiritual area.
Matt Gilhooly:Wow.
Matt Gilhooly:Building.
Matt Gilhooly:I mean, I could see how that would separate.
Matt Gilhooly:I think.
Matt Gilhooly:I don't have a strong.
Matt Gilhooly:I'm not religious and I don't have a super strong faith, and so I always think of it from a different perspective, which sometimes gets me in trouble.
Matt Gilhooly:But it's so interesting to hear how dedicated you were.
Matt Gilhooly:And it just kept going, even though the people you probably love the most were kind of like, what's happening?
Matt Gilhooly:Exactly.
Matt Gilhooly:How do you move through that?
Matt Gilhooly:How do you keep that going without losing that?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, it's very tough, and it does cause separation in relationship.
Lewis Crompton:And within the church context, I was part of, that was kind of an expected thing to happen because you are different.
:You're separate.
Lewis Crompton:You're holy, which the word holy means.
:Set apart for God.
Lewis Crompton:Like, these are the things you're told.
Lewis Crompton:So you kind of expect to be.
:Separate from the world and not connected.
Lewis Crompton:In the same way.
Lewis Crompton:So it was just kind of part of the course, which, again, makes it sound potentially cult like.
Matt Gilhooly:You said it.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I know that.
Lewis Crompton:I knew that's the word you're avoiding, but it.
Lewis Crompton:I couldn't say it was a cult, but I can see why people make those parallels.
Lewis Crompton:I really can.
:And a lot of it is the.
Lewis Crompton:Group think, and it's not necessarily a particular leader, but the community creates this environment.
Lewis Crompton:There's certain beliefs within that community and environment that do very much lead to groupthink and not allow you to think.
:Outside of the context you're in.
Matt Gilhooly:Does that environment make you.
Matt Gilhooly:Does it give you bad feelings about your parents?
Matt Gilhooly:Bad's not the right word, but does it.
Matt Gilhooly:Does it make you feel like they're not, quote unquote, good enough because they're not doing certain things in the way that you believe that they should, or is that separate because they're your parents and your parents are your parents?
Lewis Crompton:I would say this is so nuanced.
:Depending on what religious group you're part of.
Lewis Crompton:For me, I don't think it was really that, but there was always the concern that they're not saved, quote unquote.
Lewis Crompton:So you're always kind of wanting them to be saved, to believe what you believe, to be able to go to heaven, all of that sort of stuff.
Lewis Crompton:So there is kind of those elements.
Lewis Crompton:If I'm honest, I don't really think I ever worried too much about whether or not my parents were going to.
:Be going to heaven or hell.
:I don't know why I didn't.
Lewis Crompton:I just didn't really think about it.
Lewis Crompton:Maybe just out of choice.
Lewis Crompton:I was, like, not going to think about that.
Lewis Crompton:But also, I think because my parents.
:Did kind of go to church every.
Lewis Crompton:Now and then, I was like, well, they kind of believe enough, so I maybe don't need to worry about that one.
Matt Gilhooly:There's a scale.
Matt Gilhooly:So how do you.
Matt Gilhooly:How do you just keep going down that road?
Matt Gilhooly:Like, is there a roadblock?
Matt Gilhooly:Is there, like, as I.
Matt Gilhooly:In my Netflix mind, it becomes like this snowball effect in which it just gets more intense.
Matt Gilhooly:More intense?
Matt Gilhooly:More intense.
Matt Gilhooly:Is that true, or do you just kind of navigate this world in that strong faith?
Lewis Crompton:It does kind of snowball, I think so.
:For me, it snowballed to the point.
Lewis Crompton:Over the years where, in my early twenties, I end up becoming ordained in.
:The church in America.
:So I was an ordained pastor.
Lewis Crompton:I had a global business, we would.
:Call it a ministry, that was helping.
Lewis Crompton:People, coaching them, counseling them, helping them work through really difficult stuff, which, to be honest, I had no business helping them with.
Lewis Crompton:Yes, I do feel like I helped them in some way, some capacity, but.
:Very, very intense cases that someone who's.
Lewis Crompton:In their early twenties without much life experience, really, I did.
:I didn't have the emotional resources to handle that.
:All the emotional maturity.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, probably not good for you either.
Matt Gilhooly:In some way.
Matt Gilhooly:You probably absorb some of that.
:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:So it wasn't really a healthy place to be, although I was, on the surface handling it and coping with it, it just kind of put a lot of pressure on things.
Lewis Crompton:And in my early twenties, that's when I think the cracks started to appear because of everything that I'd been hiding.
:From myself because of my faith and diminishing in myself because of my faith.
Lewis Crompton:And keeping myself within the boundaries of.
:The good and the bad and the.
Lewis Crompton:Black and the white.
:That's when it all started to kind of unravel.
Lewis Crompton:Was in my early twenties.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Because do you feel you were creating a person that everyone expected you to be because of that?
Matt Gilhooly:Or do you think you were still kind of you, you were just hiding or pushing down?
Matt Gilhooly:I guess I should say things that maybe didn't fit in that.
Matt Gilhooly:That maybe narrower view.
:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:I think I very much felt like me, to be honest.
Matt Gilhooly:Okay.
Matt Gilhooly:But not all of you.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, you weren't sharing all of you.
:Not all of me.
Matt Gilhooly:Okay.
Lewis Crompton:But I've.
Lewis Crompton:Again, it's like when you hang out with certain friends, they bring out a.
:Certain part of your personality, other friends.
Lewis Crompton:A different part of your personality.
Lewis Crompton:It's not.
Lewis Crompton:It's not you being a different person.
Lewis Crompton:It's just they allow you to reflect back to them certain aspects of who you are.
:Like, certain humor goes down better with certain friends than with other friends.
:It doesn't mean you're changing as a person.
Lewis Crompton:They just bring out those different elements of you.
:So.
Lewis Crompton:And I feel like within the church, I was.
Lewis Crompton:I was so on a mission to help people then.
:Still, I'm on a mission to help people, just in a different way, in a different context.
Lewis Crompton:But I was so on a mission to help people.
:That was the core of me from.
Lewis Crompton: The age of: :It's why I trained as a counselor.
Lewis Crompton:I just wanted to make people's lives better.
Lewis Crompton:And when you're in the church world.
:And you believe that there is a.
Lewis Crompton:God, you believe that there is a devil, you do feel like you're in.
:This epic, cosmic battle for good and.
Lewis Crompton:Evil, and that is so rapturing, to use phrase, but it's so consuming and it's so empowering that you just drive forward.
:You drive forward, you drive forward.
:Even on the difficult days, even when you feel like you're fighting a battle that you can't win, you just keep going.
:You keep going because you're so consumed by this desire and this mission that.
Lewis Crompton:Is so much bigger than you and.
:Bigger than your troubles, bigger than your problems, bigger than whatever you're going through.
:That is the big thing.
:That is the important thing.
:And so I just felt so consumed.
Lewis Crompton:By this mission that it was very easy to neglect myself.
Lewis Crompton:It was very easy to not think about myself too much or to not.
:Put myself in too high regard or.
Lewis Crompton:To worry about my own mental health.
:I didn't even think about mental health.
Lewis Crompton:Back then or think about who I was.
Lewis Crompton:And because of the puritan nature of that group that I was a part of, you weren't even meant to touch yourself.
Lewis Crompton:Definitely didn't look at inappropriate images on the Internet or anything like that.
:Didn't drink, didn't smoke.
Lewis Crompton:All of those things were.
:No, no, no.
Lewis Crompton:So all those natural parts of your.
:Self discovery and self development in your mid to late teens?
Lewis Crompton:I just had completely shut down, which is why I think, as this snowball effect built and built and built, it was in my early twenties that those things started to seep out and come out, and I was trying to then navigate those things in my early twenties whilst also trying to maintain my faith and trying to maintain my relationships within the church and trying to maintain this business that I built up as well.
Matt Gilhooly:Does it become like a game of, like, hiding or, like, when the crack started showing?
Matt Gilhooly:Does it become something where now, before you were living this one life, and now, like, there's just, like, splintered second element of you that you're not sharing with too many other people.
Matt Gilhooly:And I can imagine that.
Matt Gilhooly:Is that what happened?
Lewis Crompton:Oh, that.
:It definitely felt very splintered.
Lewis Crompton:And again, to layer on top of.
:This, during this phase, when I was.
Lewis Crompton:Working in retail and I started learning.
:How to trade after seven months, I.
Lewis Crompton:Left my job to trade full time.
Lewis Crompton:And it was when I was with that group of people, I was just.
:Having the best time.
Lewis Crompton:So I was traveling the world, going.
:To places I'd never even imagined I.
Lewis Crompton:Would go to, making good money from.
:My trading and then also from helping teach other people.
:When I was teaching for a different.
Lewis Crompton:Company, for rich dad education, I just had all this stuff going on while.
Matt Gilhooly:Also as part of the church piece, too.
Lewis Crompton:While still part of the church.
Lewis Crompton:It very much felt like I had these two.
Matt Gilhooly:Those are different groups.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:And started to feel like I didn't fit into either camp because I was still very much held so true to.
:My faith, so, so true to it.
Lewis Crompton:And belief in all of that.
Lewis Crompton:But then I had all this crazy freedom to no one see what I.
:Was doing, no one see what I was up to, to start exploring all these elements of myself I'd never let.
Lewis Crompton:Myself explore before, and then hating myself for exploring them at the same time.
Lewis Crompton:So both camps, I didn't really feel like I was fitting into or as.
:Hiding an element of who I was or downplaying an element of who I.
Lewis Crompton:Was to each of those groups in.
Matt Gilhooly:In that community, that church community.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you feel like you were the only one in this circumstance?
Matt Gilhooly:Or did.
Matt Gilhooly:Like.
Matt Gilhooly:Did you feel that other people were also having these splinters and having these cracks in their.
Matt Gilhooly:Their facades?
Matt Gilhooly:Or do you feel like you were just alone in that?
Lewis Crompton:I think there's a lot of people who are going through that.
Lewis Crompton:And I think particularly as I.
Lewis Crompton:My big life changing moment of deciding.
:To leave that community behind for the.
Lewis Crompton:Sake of my well being, mental well being, was post that.
:I started to realize how many cracks.
Lewis Crompton:There were in so many people's facades, especially when I would get hit up for sex by people from that world who probably shouldn't have been hitting me up for that type of thing, if we're honest.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:I mean, well.
Matt Gilhooly:Or should they have?
Matt Gilhooly:Because they're humans, you know?
Matt Gilhooly:I feel like sometimes we don't see the things that are in front of us because we choose not to.
Matt Gilhooly:You know, if you will, what made you.
Matt Gilhooly:Was there, like, a significant something that happened, that you were like, I'm done.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, yeah, I have to exit.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:And again, snowball effect.
:Right?
Lewis Crompton:Because you get to that moment, it's not a passive or arbitrary thing or a small thing.
:It's a big deal to get to.
Lewis Crompton:That point, because for me, it was stepping away from ten years plus worth.
:Of relationships and friendships and people who.
Lewis Crompton:Felt like family, like truly felt like family, knowing that there was going to be a big time rejection and I'd.
:Have to step away, I'd have to give up my ordination, I wouldn't be.
Lewis Crompton:Able to help people the way I was helping people.
Lewis Crompton:I'd lose income from what I was doing there as well.
Lewis Crompton:There was all these kind of other.
:Factors that I had to bear in mind before making my decision.
Lewis Crompton:And I think when I was working.
:In retail and then traveling with this.
Lewis Crompton:Other group of people, you start to realize that a lot of what you'd.
:Kind of been told about the world.
:So non christians just isn't quite true.
:They are happy, they are content in their life, they have good, healthy relationships.
Lewis Crompton:They are loving, and I good and kind people, whereas I never really was told that was a thing outside of the church before.
Lewis Crompton:And so all these kind of things.
:I had believed started to not make.
Lewis Crompton:Sense or ring true anymore.
Lewis Crompton:And I was dealing with my own sexuality.
:When I say dealing with it, just.
Lewis Crompton:Kind of coming to terms with it, trying to experience it, figure out what it was.
Lewis Crompton:Was this just the devil trying to attack me, take me out the equation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
Lewis Crompton:Or was this actually who I was?
Lewis Crompton:And it got to the point where I was fasting, so stopping myself eating, I was crying myself to sleep at night, because I just wanted God to change who I was.
Lewis Crompton:Going through conversion therapy, having people try to cast demons out of me, all.
:Of this sort of stuff to try.
Lewis Crompton:And get rid of this gay thing.
Lewis Crompton:And there was one moment I was staying at my parents house, and I.
:Cried myself to sleep.
Lewis Crompton:The night before I got up in the morning, my parents were out.
Lewis Crompton:I just went to the toilet, sat in the toilet.
:Not to be graphic, I'm not saying to do anything.
Lewis Crompton:I just was, like, exhausted.
Lewis Crompton:And we had this phrase in the.
:Church, which is always, count the cost.
Lewis Crompton:And I remember sitting there and I was praying.
Lewis Crompton:I was like, God, this doesn't make sense.
Lewis Crompton:If this is what you're asking from me, I can't do it.
:I'm counting the cost, and the cost is too much.
Lewis Crompton:I just can't do it.
Lewis Crompton:And that was the moment, sat there in my parents bathroom that I just said, I'm out.
Lewis Crompton:I've got to step away.
Lewis Crompton:I can't do this anymore.
:It doesn't make sense.
Lewis Crompton:To me that if God is real, that he would want me to be.
:This miserable for this long when I've.
Lewis Crompton:Tried everything I possibly can, like, done all the right things to not feel.
:This way, and yet I still do.
Matt Gilhooly:The right things, as we say.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Or what you were told the right things were.
:Exactly.
Matt Gilhooly:I can imagine.
Matt Gilhooly:I mean, good for you, first of all, for coming to the place in which you were more important than helping anyone else and all the other things that you had become so happy doing.
Matt Gilhooly:Right.
Matt Gilhooly:Or telling yourself you were so happy doing.
Matt Gilhooly:And maybe in some cases you were.
Matt Gilhooly:But, like, for choosing you, because I think that's really hard for a lot of people, especially people that are service focused and have been told, this is what you need to do.
Matt Gilhooly:But at the same time, I can imagine how overwhelming that might be.
Matt Gilhooly:Right.
Matt Gilhooly:Because even though you had started splintering your life and you were doing this trading thing, does it feel like you've lost a huge portion of yourself when you make that decision?
:Big time?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Does everything unravel?
Matt Gilhooly:How do you move through when you feel like, now I'm half a person?
Matt Gilhooly:Because that's all I knew.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:I think the reality is, by the time I got to that point, I.
:Was already in such a constant state.
Lewis Crompton:Of feeling depressed, which had been going on for years.
Lewis Crompton:And it said that kind of depressed.
:Feeling was second nature.
Lewis Crompton:It was like, oh, this is.
Lewis Crompton:This is how I feel now.
Lewis Crompton:And I still think, if I'm honest, I've not.
Lewis Crompton:I've not broken out of that habit.
:Of feeling that way.
Lewis Crompton:Don't get me wrong.
:I don't feel depressed every day like I used to.
Lewis Crompton:But I can slip very easily into that type of emotion because there is.
:A grief that comes with that decision.
Lewis Crompton:And I think as you get older.
:You realize every decision you make isn't black and white.
:There's positive in every decision.
:There's negative in every decision.
:There's cost.
:Count the cost.
:There's cost in every single decision that we make.
Lewis Crompton:And that, at that point in my.
:Life, was a massive cost.
Lewis Crompton:But I felt like I'd been paying.
:The cost of not making that decision every single day for years.
Lewis Crompton:And I just couldn't do that anymore.
:I just couldn't.
Lewis Crompton:So it felt like giving up a massive part of me, and I kind.
:Of shut down my spirituality, didn't engage.
Lewis Crompton:With it, couldn't engage with it for a really long time.
Lewis Crompton:And as the years have rolled on since then, I'm starting to reengage with.
:My spirituality, but kind of on my.
Lewis Crompton:Terms not on churchy terms or religious terms, but still wanting to engage with spirituality like I did before, which has.
:Been really fun and really healing, but.
Lewis Crompton:Also, to be honest, sometimes really triggering.
Lewis Crompton:And then I have to pull away for a bit because it just kind.
:Of brings up all this stuff.
Lewis Crompton:I was having a therapy session with.
:Somebody other day, kind of a bit.
Lewis Crompton:Holistic style of therapy, and really, really good.
:Had a couple of sessions, but I've decided not to continue with it because.
Lewis Crompton:It felt so similar to the type of therapy I used to give when I was in church.
Lewis Crompton:And so it's just I can't engage.
:At this stage in my journey.
Lewis Crompton:I can't engage with that type of.
:Healing process because it feels too similar.
Lewis Crompton:To what I used to do.
Lewis Crompton:So, yeah, there's all this.
:All this stuff that kind of comes.
Lewis Crompton:Up, even years on, which is just.
:An unraveling and trying to reestablish who.
Lewis Crompton:You are and what you're about now.
Matt Gilhooly:But it's nice to have that awareness.
Matt Gilhooly:Right?
Matt Gilhooly:Like, I feel like.
Matt Gilhooly:And that freedom to say no more.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, it's probably easier now maybe, to say no to the things that aren't serving you in the way that they should or you feel like they should or that make you more comfortable.
Matt Gilhooly:Is that true?
:To be honest, I was super proud of myself that I said no to.
Lewis Crompton:Anymore because they were expecting that I was going to continue.
:My brain goes, but they're expecting it.
:I should give that to them.
Lewis Crompton:That's what they want.
:And I have to work really hard.
Lewis Crompton:Sometimes to be like, no, that's not what you want.
Lewis Crompton:Don't do it.
Lewis Crompton:But then you get all this stuff.
:Of shame and feeling like you're letting people down.
Lewis Crompton:So I've gotten a lot better at.
:Being able to say no because I.
Lewis Crompton:Could not say no before.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you feel like you were taught that in your space?
Matt Gilhooly:This is not about you, Louis.
Matt Gilhooly:This is about everyone else but you.
Lewis Crompton:I think there definitely is rhetoric and.
:Language to that nature.
Lewis Crompton:I don't think that was ever necessarily.
:Specifically said or communicated.
Lewis Crompton:I think that, for me, probably comes more as a trauma response from previous stuff and being a bit of a.
Matt Gilhooly:Peacemaker in general, which comes from trauma stuff.
Lewis Crompton:Exactly.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:So I just want to keep the peace, keep safe.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, but you have more awareness now.
Matt Gilhooly:So you know when you're being triggered in a space where that could be a trauma response, and now you know how to acknowledge that and move through it.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, yeah.
:I don't get it right all the.
Lewis Crompton:Time, and then I get frustrated because you're human.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, I mean, I feel like when you were mentioning, you know, like, you get depressed and it's easy to fall.
Matt Gilhooly:I mean, like, I think that's normal.
Matt Gilhooly:I think that's part of being human.
Matt Gilhooly:And I think sometimes society or we have absorb from society that we're only supposed to have certain emotions and, like, certain ones are bad and certain, you know, like, and I.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, you're gonna be sad, you're gonna be depressed, you're gonna be happy, you're gonna be angry, you're gonna be all the things because you're a fully formed human being, and hopefully you will have those things.
Matt Gilhooly:But the important pieces, especially in the way you're describing it, is that, like, when you do feel depressed or you feel those moments, you can acknowledge it and you can address it and you can work through it and not shame yourself for it.
Matt Gilhooly:And, you know, like, all the pieces that come with, with having the awareness is just so valuable because otherwise it's a mess.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, it's really hard to live through.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:And if you don't acknowledge it, you can't move through it, and so then it becomes trapped, and that's not good for any of us.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Or you acknowledge it in, quote, unquote, the wrong way.
Matt Gilhooly:Right.
Matt Gilhooly:Like you.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, for me, it took me about 20 years to properly grieve my mom's death.
Matt Gilhooly:And I, for so long, I weaponized the depression or the grief that I had because it was a safety thing for me.
Matt Gilhooly:It was like, well, if I use it in this way, I'm protecting myself because I didn't have the awareness yet.
Matt Gilhooly:It took me, like, a long time to kind of realize that that eight year old version of me was making all the rules until I had my breakthrough in my early thirties.
Matt Gilhooly:And, like, looking back on it now, I'm like, wow.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, I wasted a lot of time, but at the same time, I didn't know better.
Matt Gilhooly:I didn't have that awareness that we're speaking of.
Matt Gilhooly:And it just.
Matt Gilhooly:I just didn't understand the real value of, like, acknowledging it and being okay with it and then moving through it and moving past it.
Matt Gilhooly:So it can become messy.
:It can be.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:I think we all have child brains that we need to retrain as our.
:Adult versions to handle those things because.
Lewis Crompton:We didn't know any better at that age.
Lewis Crompton:And that's why our brains are trapped.
:In that emotional state and behave from that emotional state.
Lewis Crompton:But I'm not an expert on this, so I'm going to be quiet now.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, no, I mean, I think it's.
Matt Gilhooly:It's.
Matt Gilhooly:I think it's important to talk about, especially as guys.
Matt Gilhooly:I don't think that.
Matt Gilhooly:I think we're getting better at it.
Matt Gilhooly: I think in: Matt Gilhooly:But people are talking about mental health.
Matt Gilhooly:They're talking about how we're feeling, and I.
Matt Gilhooly:We don't have to only be happy or mad.
Matt Gilhooly:You know, we can have all the emotions.
Matt Gilhooly:So I think that part of this conversation is super important and super valuable for other people to hear.
Matt Gilhooly:I am curious, though, about.
Matt Gilhooly:I won't.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, when you were sitting on the toilet and then you made your decision, what does life look like after that?
Matt Gilhooly:Like, what does that day look like for you?
Matt Gilhooly:What does that week look like for you?
Matt Gilhooly:How do you move into this version?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, it was tricky.
Lewis Crompton:So, in the days that followed, there was a lot of hard conversations that.
:Had to be had with people.
Lewis Crompton:And the reality of stepping away from the church didn't mean I was stepping truly into my identity at the same time, those.
Lewis Crompton:Those things weren't happening right together at the same time.
Lewis Crompton:It took probably about another year after that before I decided to tell my parents that I was.
Lewis Crompton:I was gay.
:And I didn't even do that.
Lewis Crompton:I came out as bi because I still wasn't even fully sure myself.
Lewis Crompton:I was like, I'm nothing.
:I've not experienced this part of myself.
Matt Gilhooly:And that was all shut down for years.
:Exactly.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:So then I did what any person who's been in a very restrictive organization.
:Would do is I then went a little bit wild.
Lewis Crompton:So I went out and kissed a lot of frogs and had a great time doing that.
Lewis Crompton:But doing that just brought all this.
:Stuff of shame up.
Lewis Crompton:So I had to start addressing that.
:Shame and figuring out all of that.
Lewis Crompton:Stuff as well, then end up in a relationship, which was really toxic.
Lewis Crompton:And I used to pin all of.
:That toxicity on him, and he was this, he was that.
Lewis Crompton:But the reality is, we both brought.
:Issues to the party and they didn't.
Lewis Crompton:Play nice with each other, so the.
:Environment became very toxic because both of the stuff we brought to the party.
Lewis Crompton:Then I was traveling a lot at.
:The time, moved to New York, like I said, which chewed me up and spat me out.
Lewis Crompton:So I was meant to stay there.
:For a lot longer than I did.
Lewis Crompton:But then I came back to the UK.
Lewis Crompton:When I came back to the UK, I end up in another relationship with.
:The guy that I'm now married to, which was a far healthier relationship from his side.
Lewis Crompton:I put him through hell the first six months as I continued to work through all my issues at his expense.
:And he stuck around.
:So I was like, ah, well, I.
Lewis Crompton:Stuck around for that.
Lewis Crompton:I can't get much worse, so may as well marry him.
Lewis Crompton:So we got married just over a year ago.
Lewis Crompton:So we've been married now for a year together for five.
Lewis Crompton:And yeah, yeah, it really has been a whirlwind of a journey from that perspective.
Lewis Crompton:And very early on when we were together is when I decided to, I stopped traveling so much in my old kind of world.
Lewis Crompton:And when I was doing a lot.
:Of speaking and teaching for rich dad.
Lewis Crompton:Internationally, that came with a lot of travel.
:So I didn't want to travel quite so much and I'd kind of developed.
Lewis Crompton:My own skills, my own system for trading and I wanted to start teaching that.
Lewis Crompton:So I thought, right, I'll stop traveling, I'll launch my own thing.
Lewis Crompton:And it just, that kind of just grew from there and there and there.
Lewis Crompton:And even through that I've had to learn lessons of boundaries.
Lewis Crompton:I'm not very good with them and yes, I want to help people, but they don't get the right to call me every night of the week and all of that sort of thing.
Lewis Crompton:I can turn my phone off and put it away, which I'm definitely still learning that lesson because I just want.
:To help people as much as I possibly can.
Lewis Crompton:And yeah, the business has just grown.
:And grown and grown.
Lewis Crompton:So now I'm very comfortable in who I am, very happy with who I am.
Lewis Crompton:Wouldn't want to change who I am at all.
:I know I'm a good person, putting.
Lewis Crompton:Good into the world, and I've got a very good relationship with lots of love, lots of freedom, lots of peace, lots of joy, all of that sort of stuff.
Lewis Crompton:And I still get to travel.
Lewis Crompton:So my other half is quite happy.
:For me to go away for the weekend by myself, that type of thing.
Lewis Crompton:Because that's always been who I am.
Lewis Crompton:I love going to a new city, getting lost in that city, just pottering around, not knowing where I am, just completely by myself.
Lewis Crompton:I really value alone time and even though im very much an extrovert, I.
:Need a lot of alone time to be the best extrovert that I can be.
:So traveling is a great way for me to kind of shut down and do that.
Lewis Crompton:And he lets me do that.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you think this life is as rich as it is now because of all those moments in which you were kind of stifling things and pushing things and focusing on other things.
Matt Gilhooly:Maybe we turn it into that is, you were focused on the mission, right?
Matt Gilhooly:You were not focused on Louis.
Matt Gilhooly:You were just focused on how Louis could fulfill the mission and continue that on.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you think that this version of your life now, this richness that you describe, is, somewhat weirdly, because of some of that?
:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:So I love that question, and this is why I love podcasts, because they feel like free therapy.
Lewis Crompton:And I.
Lewis Crompton:The reason I love that question is I'm still on a mission.
:I'm still obsessed.
Lewis Crompton:And the reason I love that question is it's made me realize that I've.
:Just transferred my mission and my behavioral patterns around that mission to what I do now.
Lewis Crompton:And I still don't really focus on.
:Lewis anywhere near as much I should do.
:And even saying those words out loud makes me feel like I'm doing something.
Lewis Crompton:Wrong, which is maybe partly why my business has grown.
Lewis Crompton:And I do.
Lewis Crompton:I'm a big fan of a little.
:Bit of obsession and focus on mission.
Lewis Crompton:And things like that.
Lewis Crompton:But I do think the richness of.
:My life, my understanding of how rich.
Lewis Crompton:My life is, the depth of my.
:Love and care and passion for other.
Lewis Crompton:People, all comes from the pain and.
:Difficulty I've been through in my life.
Lewis Crompton:And I don't think I've had as.
:Much pain and difficulty as other people.
Lewis Crompton:But that is true.
Lewis Crompton:But doesn't diminish what I've been through, either.
Lewis Crompton:And same for other people, doesn't diminish.
:What they've been through.
Lewis Crompton:So I like even things like my.
:Very bad relationship I had before my.
Lewis Crompton:Current relationship would not change it for the world because it made me a better human being.
:It made me a more understanding human being.
:It made me a more compassionate human being.
:And I can relate so much better.
Lewis Crompton:To so many more people because of.
:All the difficult things I've been through in my life.
Lewis Crompton:So, yeah, I definitely think I experienced richness of life more so now because of all of that stuff, so I.
:Wouldn'T change it for the world.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:You know what stuck me?
Matt Gilhooly:And you said, I still focused on the mission and not as much on you, but in the long time that I've known you, now it feels like this mission is more you and less of a mission that someone else dictated for you.
Matt Gilhooly:In a way, it feels like and so, and the same, maybe on the other side of the coin, is fulfilling.
Matt Gilhooly:This version of your mission is also focused on you in a way, because it's filling your heart with the things that you've decided to do, versus maybe what you decided to do, but it was in the guardrails of what someone else was giving you.
Matt Gilhooly:Now, you create the road, you create the guardrails, you create all the things.
Matt Gilhooly:This is your journey that you're making one day at a time.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, there's no path, right?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, no, it's true.
Lewis Crompton:And I think.
Lewis Crompton:I think what the difference is, because the mission has always been to change the world.
Lewis Crompton:If you bring it down to its.
:Basics, it's always been to change the.
Lewis Crompton:World, to make people's lives better, one person at a time.
Lewis Crompton:And how I do that may change.
:I think the difference is now I can do that fully inhabiting who I.
Lewis Crompton:Am and what I bring to the table.
Lewis Crompton:And the more I can inhabit who I am, the more I can be true to myself, the more I actually help people.
Lewis Crompton:And so that is a very exciting thing and also a very scary thing sometimes as well.
:So.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, right.
Matt Gilhooly:Because you don't have the path like the other version of your life.
Matt Gilhooly:There was, they could dictate exactly what you should do.
Matt Gilhooly:And in some way, this way, you get.
Matt Gilhooly:You get to create it.
:There's.
Matt Gilhooly:The next page is blank and you can do whatever you want with it.
Matt Gilhooly:But, you know, part this is going to sound like the non religious person that I am.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you think that mission to change the world, that version of your life in the church, doing what you were doing, do you think there were any things that you were doing because of the church that wasn't necessarily making things.
Lewis Crompton:Better is in front of people?
Matt Gilhooly:This is a terrible question.
Matt Gilhooly:But, yeah, like, in a way, do you feel that because maybe how you feel about religion now versus then, that what you were telling them wasn't necessarily what was serving them?
Matt Gilhooly:Say, a younger version of Louis knowing his identity and knowing who he truly was and wasn't able to be and you were coaching him in a way?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I think that's a brilliant question.
Lewis Crompton:I think the answer is, again, nuanced, because on a.
Matt Gilhooly:It's a terrible question.
Matt Gilhooly:I apologize, but it's not a terrible question.
Lewis Crompton:It's not a terrible question.
Lewis Crompton:The reality is people pick things that serve them.
Lewis Crompton:Whether that serves them in a healthy.
:Way or an unhealthy way, we choose those things.
Lewis Crompton:Like, everything that I did and went through in the church is an element.
:Of that I chose.
Lewis Crompton:And again, depending on the church context you're in, I was part of a.
:Very loving group of people.
Lewis Crompton:Everything they did to me, for me was because they loved me and they.
:Wanted the best for me.
:It's just their perception of best for me wasn't necessarily what was best for me.
Lewis Crompton:So I think very much like a.
:Parent who's trying to do the best thing for their child because they love.
Lewis Crompton:Them, they don't always make the right.
:Call, they don't always make the right choice.
:So I definitely think when I was.
Lewis Crompton:In that context, I probably did things.
:For people or encouraged people to do things for themselves, which probably weren't the.
Lewis Crompton:Best thing for them based on what I now believe.
Lewis Crompton:But back then, I completely believed it was.
Lewis Crompton:And I was saying that from a.
:Position of love, that was a great.
Matt Gilhooly:Answer to my super brief question.
Matt Gilhooly:But I think it's, you know, I think sometimes those of us that have a bad taste for certain things, we feel that way.
Matt Gilhooly:And I think that was a great example of how parents have the best intentions, but sometimes their best intention isn't what we actually needed at the time or when we look back on those things.
Matt Gilhooly:And so thank you for entertaining that question.
Matt Gilhooly:I didn't want it to sound terrible, but now when I go back and listen to it, I'm sure it will.
Matt Gilhooly:But I think it's just so lovely to see that, you know, the way you described your teenage years was with happiness and joy because you were leaning into something that you felt super passionate about.
Matt Gilhooly:But then when those cracks started showing and those kind of things, you were able to find, like, the hundred percent version of Louis and, like, do the things that you want to do.
Matt Gilhooly:And, I mean, how many people are that, quote, unquote, lucky to find and live in themselves in the way that they want to because they know what the other side was like?
Matt Gilhooly:Because I think a lot of us are kind of walking like we're sleepwalking in some cases.
Matt Gilhooly:Like, we don't really realize that we could be living bigger and louder and in the ways that we should.
Matt Gilhooly:Do you see it that way?
Lewis Crompton:Oh, totally.
Lewis Crompton:And I think I am always quite.
:Keen to not make decisions that will trap me anymore.
Lewis Crompton:So I know people who have made certain life choices who, that don't align with who they are, but those choices.
:Come with such heavy responsibilities, whether that's kids, wife, whatever it may be, that.
Lewis Crompton:They cannot and will not break that.
:Responsibility because they've also made that choice.
:And that is so honorable, but incredibly tough.
Lewis Crompton:Not sure I would be able to make the same choice, to be honest.
Lewis Crompton:So I.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I think there's a lot of that that goes on, definitely.
Matt Gilhooly:It's hard because some of those choices that you describe also affect other people.
Matt Gilhooly:But at the same time, if they're not honoring themselves, are they giving the best experience to those other people?
Matt Gilhooly:It's like this chicken or the egg kind of conundrum here in which we don't know what we don't know until we don't know or until we know.
Lewis Crompton:Whatever that might be.
Lewis Crompton:With situations like that, there's not really a right answer.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, this is not really a right answer.
Matt Gilhooly:And as far as I know, because I haven't been to the other side yet, but we only have one chance, right, until we figure out if we have another chance.
Matt Gilhooly:And so why not sit on that toilet and say, look, this is not serving me.
Matt Gilhooly:I'm just going to go back to that toilet reference.
Matt Gilhooly:Thank you for that.
Matt Gilhooly:But, you know, like, you sat there and you made a hard choice.
Matt Gilhooly:You made a really hard choice because of all the shame and the things that come from quitting something or leaving something or letting people down or all the things that we could talk ourselves out of doing it.
Matt Gilhooly:And you did.
Matt Gilhooly:You made the choice.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
Lewis Crompton:And it's.
Lewis Crompton:It is walking away from an idea full on identity and perception of who you are in a perceived future.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, exactly.
Lewis Crompton:In the hope of finding something else.
Lewis Crompton:That means you don't have to cry yourself to sleep every night, but it is.
:It is your whole identity.
Lewis Crompton:Like, that was everything that I was.
:That's everything I was known for.
:That's.
Lewis Crompton:That is who I.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah.
:That was my identity.
Lewis Crompton:And so stepping away from that was saying, I don't know who I am anymore because this is now all gone.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:How did your parents respond when you said you were stepping away from that?
:I don't think I told them, to be honest.
Matt Gilhooly:Okay.
:I don't think that was really part of the cr.
Lewis Crompton:I wasn't very close to my parents back then because of the separation that was caused.
Lewis Crompton:So I just didn't tell them.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Would you find a better relationship with them now because of you living in your fullness?
:100%.
Lewis Crompton:100%.
Matt Gilhooly:Would you walk by the red light district if you went on vacation with.
Lewis Crompton:Oh, I'd go and wave at the windows and everything.
:I'd have a great time.
:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:I love to kind of wrap these conversations up with a question, and I'm wondering if, like, this version of you now living in your fullness, this rich life that you've created for yourself in which you can do whatever you want to do, that serves other people but also serves you in the process, if you could go back to that Lewis that was crying himself to sleep every night and talking.
Matt Gilhooly:Is there anything you would want to say to him?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I think my.
Lewis Crompton:I always like to go with just.
:The first thing that comes to my head for these types of things rather than overthink it.
Lewis Crompton:But I think the only thing, I would either say nothing because I don't want to change my history or I would just say, keep going.
Lewis Crompton:That's probably.
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, those probably the only two options I'd go with.
Matt Gilhooly:And you know what?
Matt Gilhooly:I ask that question a lot just because I think it's interesting to think about.
Matt Gilhooly:But most people don't have an answer, and most people would not interfere because most people that I talk to have had the time of reflection and the time to look back.
Matt Gilhooly:Like you described all the pieces that you would not change because they made you this version of Lewis.
Matt Gilhooly:It's a very weird question for me.
Matt Gilhooly:Would I go back and change the accident that my knowing who I am now, I wouldn't be this version of me if all that struggle hadn't happened because of that one event.
Matt Gilhooly:And so it's a really hard question.
Matt Gilhooly:The one thing that a lot of people say is they would just give that person a hug because they just needed a hug, you know, to know that someone was listening, someone cared, someone was going to be there for them.
Matt Gilhooly:So, yeah.
Matt Gilhooly:Thank you for sharing this story in this way.
Matt Gilhooly:I don't know if you plan to come on the show and talk about some of these things, but I think it's just so valuable because at the end of the day, there are people out there that feel just like you did, you know?
Matt Gilhooly:And maybe this will give them a little bit of a spark of like, oh, I can make the choices for myself that I really, truly feel deep down inside that I want to change.
Matt Gilhooly:No, it's awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:If people want to get in your circle, your orbit, not call you every day, because you don't need that.
Matt Gilhooly:You need to put your phone away.
Matt Gilhooly:But if they want to find you on socials or learn more about your company or anything like that, can you give us some of that information?
Lewis Crompton:Sure.
Lewis Crompton:So Instagram is a good place for me.
Lewis Crompton:So my Instagram handle, and I am.
:Blue ticked because there's a lot of.
Lewis Crompton:People who pretend to be me for some reason.
Lewis Crompton:So it's at with w I t h.
Lewis Crompton:Lewis Crumpton.
:L e w I s c r.
Lewis Crompton:O p t o n.
Lewis Crompton:Or you can go to www.
Lewis Crompton:Dot lewis crompton.com.
Lewis Crompton:and if you want to drop me an email, you can do that through there.
Matt Gilhooly:Awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:Yeah, we'll have all that, those easy links for people in the show notes.
Matt Gilhooly:That way they can just click on it and do what they need to do.
Matt Gilhooly:But if something that Louis said today resonated with you, I'm sure he would love a little message about it.
Matt Gilhooly:To hear your story or maybe, you know, somebody in your life that needs to hear this story or needs to hear an example of a story that they might be experiencing in their, in themselves.
Matt Gilhooly:We'd love it if you would share this episode with them because I think the more we can build community like you do with your company, but just in general, the more that we're in community with each other, the more we can grow, the more we can learn, the more we can love all the things that come along with it.
Matt Gilhooly:So we would love for you to share however you're feeling, with whoever you're feeling it with.
Matt Gilhooly:If it resonates with you, reach out to Louis.
Matt Gilhooly:That would be awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:Would you be okay with that?
Lewis Crompton:Yeah, I'd love that.
Matt Gilhooly:Awesome.
Matt Gilhooly:Well, thank you again for sharing your story, sharing your personal journey to get to where you are.
Matt Gilhooly:I know we didn't talk much about your company, but they can find out about that.
Matt Gilhooly:This colors so much of someone's life, and I think that it's just so important to share.
Matt Gilhooly:So thank you for being willing to do so.
Lewis Crompton:Thanks for having me.
Matt Gilhooly:If you are listening and you enjoyed this, please do a little rating and review.
Matt Gilhooly:I would love that.
Matt Gilhooly:And that's all I'm going to say.
Matt Gilhooly:I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift podcast.
Matt Gilhooly:Thanks again, Louis.
Matt Gilhooly:For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.
