Shownotes
This episode originally aired on March 16, 2013.
WITHOUT WARNING is currently available to stream on TUBI.
Lock the door and bolt the windows, because Classic Episode 48 has just broken out of the ScreamQueenz Crypt!
This time, my special guest KELLEY KOMBRINCK from NIGHT OF THE LIVING PODCAST joins me to discuss Greydon Clark's 1980 sci-fi schlockfest WITHOUT WARNING.
A fun day at the lake turns into a living nightmare for a group of teens who must team up with a pair of grizzled old coots to battle an alien predator with a most unique weapon who has been hunting humans for sport.
Despite its low budget, WITHOUT WARNING is famous for featuring two future Oscar-winners (Jack Palance & Martin Landau), a future Golden Globe winner (David Caruso) and unforgettably icky creature design by Ve Neill (Syfy's FACE OFF).
Buy Kelley Kombrinck's collection of short stories THESE LONELY PLACES at VELOX BOOKS
WITHOUT WARNING was directed by Greydon Clarke, written by Lyn Freedman, Daniel Grodnik and Bennett Tramer. It stars Jack Palance, Martin Landau, Tara Nutter, Christopher S. Nelson, David Caruso and Cameron Mitchell.
Mentioned in this episode:
Network Plug with music
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Transcripts
Hello again, my beautiful screamers, and welcome to another episode of ScreamQueenz, Resurrection, in which another episode of classic ScreamQueenz comes lurching out of the crypt and right into your ear holes.
all the way back to the year:And in order to do that properly, my guest was a very special piece of work himself, all the way from the Night of the Living podcast podcast, the fabulous Kelley Kombrinck.
Patrick:What?
Patrick:Can you believe that happened?
Patrick:Can you believe that was 13 years ago?
Patrick:Well, it's happening again. Do you know how long ago this episode was? This episode was so long ago that at a certain point, Kelley and I are talking about our nooks.
Remember the Nook? The Barnes and Noble Nook? Yeah. That's how long ago this was. That's ancient technology.
If you don't know what a nook was, don't worry about it because it's defunct.
Patrick:We're old.
Patrick:So I hope you're all keeping super warm. This awful, awful, awful winter. It's been terrible here in New York and I hope you just.
I hope all your bits are where they're supposed to be and they haven't fallen off somewhere in a cold, because that would be an awful thing to happen, especially if it happened without warning. So in addition to the lousy weather, in addition to the world falling apart, things have been really lousy here at ScreamQueenz headquarters.
You probably heard my dad passed away at the beginning of, well, in the middle of January. It seems like a million years ago.
Patrick:Now, but time flows strangely in situations like this.
Patrick:And so I wanted to pick an episode where the company was extra good and you can't get more warmer and more friendly than Kelley Cohenberg. And I wanted to pick something that was at least somewhat silly. Nothing too heavy, nothing too goofy.
So without warning seemed to be the best way to go. It's a nice classic piece of 80s schlock.
Patrick:That's the word I'm was looking for earlier.
Patrick:It's a nice piece of sci fi schlock from schlockmeister Graydon Clark, who I would cover twice more on ScreamQueenz. Over our run. I talked about his film Satan's Cheerleaders and also his killer cat movie Uninvited.
So it's fun to go back and listen to my appreciation, Mr. Green Clarks.
Patrick:I don't think I mentioned him at all during this episode, but, you know.
Patrick:He snaps up, snaps up for a lifetime of commitment to a certain kind of quality. It's necessarily good quality, but it's a quality.
So as I sat and was putting this episode together and listening to this old episode, I I realized, man, what a different show it used to be.
Because at a certain point, somewhere along ScreamQueenz's lane, I think it was sometime during Trump's first presidency, I just didn't want to be negative about movies anymore. There was negativity out in the world.
I didn't want to talk about movies that didn't excite me, that didn't tickle my fancy, that didn't make me happy to talk about. So I stopped shitting on movies, even though it's more popular thing to do.
And I had a really hard time finding an episode that was fun and had a cool guest that I didn't on to put out today. So this one, at least we're on playfully and I'm shitting on it with Kelley Cohenbrick, who's a great person to shit anything with.
I don't know what I'm saying. By the way, if you haven't seen Without Warning, it is available on Tubi and it is a lot of fun if you like this kind of a thing.
It's definitely a drive in sort of a movie. It's a very low budget. It's got Jack Palance in it and Martin Landau before they won their Oscars.
Like one, they were on their way out as performers and all of a.
Patrick:Sudden had a resurgence a few years later. This is before the they got they.
Patrick:Reclaim their Hollywood glory and we're scraping the bottom of the barrel and doing movies like this. And it's even got David Caruso from NYPD Blue and a baby. David Caruso in a bit part is one of the early victims.
So this piece of schlock managed to cast two feature Oscar winners and a future Emmy winner. So maybe Graydon Clark has more going on than I give him credit for.
The other thing that's cool is that I discovered this time around that this some of this creature design was by Ve Neill. V. Neill. If you watched Face off at all, she was that fabulous older woman who was one of the judges. She worked on this one.
So that's probably the monster effects are the one of the only things that really, really shine in this film. One last thing before we start the show next week on Friday the 13th. Friday, February 13th. Damn you, Uncle Lewis is finally going public.
That's Our Friday the 13th, the series retrospective podcast that we've been cultivating over on Patreon for years. Now, while we're going to be recording new episodes over there, we're going all.
Patrick:The way back to the beginning here.
Patrick:And starting to make our season one episodes public to you once a month starting next Friday, appropriately enough, the 13th, February 13th. But Patrick, I've never seen Friday the 13th series. What am I going to do? It's okay, kids.
All the episodes are on YouTube and as a matter of fact, I'm releasing three episodes, the first three episodes of Demi Uncle Lewis next Friday, February 13th. So go watch those episodes on YouTube. It'll be the pilot, which is called the Inheritance, the Poison Pen and Cupid's Quiver.
If you're an 80s horror nostalgia hound likes like myself, you will probably be very excited to go back and revisit fabulously quirky Canadian show. And if it's your first time through, go check it out. These first few episodes are wonky, but trust me, it gets better. It gets so much better.
Like the the bad episodes make the good episodes better and it's all just wonderful, wonderful 80s camp. So go check that out and we will see you Next Friday the 13th.
Patrick:At our very curious curio shop on.
Patrick: ,:Episode 78 without warning.
Patrick:Beware. Beware. Something's about to come out. Out of the closet. The Nightmare Closet. Oh, my goodness gracious.
It has certainly been a long time since I've heard that particular sounder. Yes, kids, it's the return of the Nightmare Closet. Whoa. Who.
Now, those of you who've been listening for a while know that the Nightmare Closet is when I go back in time and revisit a movie from my childhood that either scared the shit out of me, gave me nightmares, put me in therapy for life, or had in some way left an indelible impression, good or bad, upon me. This may be a movie that I have not seen since I was a kid. And now I get to go back and revisit it as an adult.
we're gonna take a look at a: Movie Trailer:The hunting season has begun. But the hunter isn't human. Only the prey are. It came without warning. Like nothing on this earth. Our friends are dead beyond any known terror.
Because when it leaves this planet, no one may Be left alive. Look, I'm warning, when they start eating on you, don't come to me for help.
Movie Trailer:Crazy.
Movie Trailer:He came down here with a spot. He wants to get himself a huge rov. Is not right now. You and me, right now, we are the prize game. The hunter, the haunted. There was no dream.
The thing that preys on human fear and feeds on human flesh. From deepest space it came. And thou, man, is the endangered species. It came without warning. And now it's coming for you.
Patrick: word. A sci fi film from the:And the reason I know it is because back in the early days of HBO, it was on every day, three times a day for about eight months at a time. And being a 10 year old kid, I watched it every time. So this is the first time I've watched it in a really, really long time.
And I realized that my memories of it might be a bit hazy, so I wanted to watch it again with somebody who was coming to it fresh, with a new perspective and with a really hot ass. So who else would I call? Well, he's standing right over there.
The one, the only, the inimitable, yeti loving motherfucker himself, Mr. Kelley Tombring.
Kelley:I got my hot pants on. I'm gonna shake this woody all over the place. A woody? That's. Yeah, I'm a woody, man.
Patrick:Is that wookie booty?
Kelley:So it's technically a white girl with a booty.
Patrick:Oh, okay, okay.
Kelley:Google it.
Patrick:Okay. It's out there. I kind of like wookie booty better myself.
Kelley:Yeah, that. That fits me more.
Patrick:It does, it does. And it goes with your whole, you know, bigfoot Persona as well.
Kelley:Absolutely.
Patrick:Okay, so who the hell are you, Kelley Kohmbrake. And why are you on my show?
Kelley:I'm a vagrant and I stumbled in looking for loose change and murder. Now, I'm from Night of Living podcast, as some of your listeners may or may not know.
And I'm Kelley and you know, I write a little bit, I sing a little bit. I. Awesome. A little bit.
Patrick:Are you awesome? A lot of bit.
Kelley:Yeah, I. Well, I'm trying to be. I'm trying to be humble.
Patrick:Fuck that.
Patrick:This is a place for humility. I would not ask you on if you were, you know, not awesome.
Kelley:All right, well, let me put it this way, you know, God. Yeah, he works for me.
Patrick:Oh, okay.
Patrick:Okay.
Patrick:Yeah. Well, that's. That's nice. Is he Interning.
Kelley:Yeah, it's definitely. He's. It's a no pay. But if he does well next summer we might give him like a little bit a stipend or something.
Patrick:Yeah, I heard. You know, he'd be difficult. You know, he gets up, put on suspension a lot. You know, nevermind. This is terrible. This is terrible.
During the Lenten season.
Kelley:I guess. I guess it is.
Patrick:You're horrible, Kelley. You're horrible.
Kelley:I gave up religion for Lent.
Patrick:Okay, good. Well, we gave up a Pope for lent until like 20 minutes ago.
Kelley:Right, I heard.
Patrick:Yeah, I was kind of pissed. I thought my cat might be elected Pope.
Kelley:Well, you know, it's your cat of he or she. I just.
Patrick:Well, no, my cat fits the criteria because Sebastian is male and technically he's Catholic. Cat. That did not deserve a zawow.
Kelley:It did. That was that, if anything deserves a zaw. Oh, that was it.
Patrick:I think a cat would make a great pope. It's got attitude.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Kiss my ring while I lick my own butt.
Kelley:Sassy.
Patrick:I'm gonna infallibly lick my own butt.
Kelley:We need a sassy Pope.
Patrick:We do need a sassy pope. They have a sassy outfit, for God's sake. And a sassy popemobile rings. I'm telling you, get glitter blowing around in that thing.
Kelley:I don't know. I don't know how we haven't had a sassy pope yet.
Patrick:I don't know. Pope Sassy, the first sesamus.
Kelley:I'm down. I would become Catholic for that.
Patrick:Okay, we would gladly welcome you with Open something.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Maybe. Hey, okay, so we have a movie. Are we doing a show?
Kelley:I don't. Are we, Are we even recording? What's.
Patrick:Yeah, I don't.
Patrick:I don't know what's happening either. What's. What's going on? Yeah, so, okay, so without warning.
Now, as I said in the intro, this was on all the time when I was a kid and when I was 10, it was the best movie ever.
Kelley:Yeah, I can see that.
Patrick:And so in my mind, I remembered the best movie ever. And it turns out I remembered the cool parts, multiplied the cool Factor by about 800, and then forgot the other 75% of the movie.
Kelley:Yeah, it's funny you say that because as I was watching, I thought 8 year old Kelley would love the shit out of this. Yeah, adult Kelley was just sad for Jack Palance and Martin Landau.
Patrick: that, you know, it's made in:So it's got two future Oscar winners and an Emmy winner.
Kelley:Yeah, I don't know how that happened.
Patrick:Huge piece of shit movie. Because usually when people make movies, they. When they brought back the old stars to do movies like this, it was the end of their career.
Yeah, this is. This was like. This is what you do at the end of your decline. You make a movie like this and then you die of shame.
Kelley:Well, at least they got it out of the way. Yeah, it felt like they got it out of the way and then went on to make, like, Batman and Edward and. And NYPD Blue and all those other things.
Patrick:Yes.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:Oh, Patrick. I was gonna also say, like, this movie should have been called Sorry, Jack Palance. We. We fucked up.
Patrick:Wait, I did have alternate titles for it.
Patrick:Hold on.
Patrick:I wrote them down when it was over. Coot versus Coot.
Kelley:Oh, yeah.
Patrick:Yeah, that's good. There's almost no alien in this.
Kelley:Or.
Patrick:Based on the end of it. Back to the Shack. Because that's all every. That's all that. The whole movie was about going back to the shack.
They go to the shack, leave the shack, and then to go back to the shack. So it would be Back to the Shack, and then the sequel will be Back to the Shack.
Kelley:Breaking electric. Boogaloo.
Patrick:Boogaloo. Okay, so, Kelley, since we've already ripped the movie to shreds, can you give me a basic plot summary of what's going on here?
Kelley:Yeah. So these are kids, and I appreciate the bikinis, at least for like, the, you know, 13 or 14 seconds that they are around.
Well, first of all, there's the. There's a dad and his, like, hippie dippy son. Adult son hunting. I wanted to touch on this hippie.
Patrick:Dippy son with a porn stache and a 70s Hawaiian shirt and a poor.
Kelley:Yeah. Porn shirt. I mean, he's really just, you know.
Patrick:He'S in the wrong movie.
Kelley:Right. He stumbled into this accidentally.
Patrick:Yeah, he was napping off that, you know, the night of porn that him and his dad filmed in that Winnebago. Yeah, for cuz. Why else would you go to that shit? I'm sorry. That whole area they were in was shit. Never mind. We'll come back to that. Please continue.
Kelley:But I. There's sort of the intro kill where the. The little flying mini pizzas of death.
Patrick:Oh, my God. I can't believe you just call them. That's exactly what I call them.
Kelley:That's what they look like.
Patrick:That's exactly what I call them. I wrote down flying, killer hairy pizzas.
Kelley:Yeah. Little mini pizzas. When they're. When they're swirling, that's what it looks like.
Patrick:And then Bradford and I had an argument because he said, they look like pancakes. And I said, you know what? Why can't they do? But they also look like pizza because that hair on the top makes it look like topping.
So I then I amended it to be flying, killer hairy pizza. Pancakes.
Kelley:Yeah, pizza pancakes were from space.
Patrick:I can't believe you called pizza.
Kelley:Why? Let me ask you this. In the 70s or 80s, did macho dads really want to murder their, like, hippie, dippy sons?
Like, I understand maybe like that, like, World War II vet dad is, like, disappointed maybe, but, like, he's like, I'm gonna shoot something.
Patrick:There was a theme now that I watch this as an adult. There was. Because I also knew where it was going, that, you know, there was a theme about hunting and guns and peace and pacifism.
That was back and for.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Throughout. And that was just the first touch of it.
Kelley:Well, all right, so.
Patrick:And neither one was right.
Kelley:No, everything was wrong. So Dan, the son, they're killed by flying mini pizzas.
Patrick:Then enter this talking about flying mini pizzas.
Patrick:What does that mean?
Kelley:The mini pizza monsters, like, latched onto the dad and killed him and then the son too. Right. I mean, I assume we didn't see it.
Patrick:Yes, well, I just don't know what you mean. I'm trying to help my listeners through here.
Kelley:Oh, you'd like me to describe them in detail?
Patrick:Yeah, just a little bit.
Kelley:So let's say you're standing in the woods and something comes spinning out of the sky at you. And it looks like a pizza with. With teeth on it. And it kind of looks. It kind of looks like. On the top, it's like a. An overgrown.
Like a giant virus, maybe. From the side it's a pizza. From the top, it's.
It's a virus through a microscope, and it attaches to you, and it's got teeth and it burrows into you and secretes green and it spins and it makes a little sound. That's about the best.
Patrick:Yeah, I'm with that. I'm with that. It's like a big flying tick lands on you, and these things come out of the side and just, like, start burrowing into you.
And on the bottom of it are little teeth that are Going, Nast, Nash, nasty. They're actually pretty gross, to be fair.
Kelley:I thought the creature design was cool.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:What? It was.
Patrick:Yeah. For the low budget thing, that was.
Patrick:It was.
Patrick:And the time and the practicality of it, it was pretty cool. So. Yeah. So these two people. I don't know why, I don't know where this. Where they shot this. Clearly it was California during the drought season.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Because they're talking about the woods and the wildlife, and I'm just going, it's just a shithole. It's this barren, brown shithole. And the kids like, we're going to the lake. And they got there, and Bradford goes, that's not a lake.
That is some kind of toxic swamp puddle. That's what that is.
Kelley:That is what it was. It definitely. It looked like, like, outside of any kind of, like, coal mining plant or what, anything.
Like, there's always woods, but they're not pretty. Like, you can imagine that. Oh. Like out of the range of the cameras, there's like a great big, like, landfill. Mm. It was very landfillish.
Patrick:It was. It just. I didn't understand why anybody would want to be going on a vacation there. Right.
Kelley:No, it was terrible.
Patrick:I mean, clearly those guys at the beginning, the dad, his father were there cooking meth and doing porn. Just the only reason to be out there.
Kelley:Yeah, it is the only reason to be out there. It's. I mean, they. It was gross. It just looked gross.
Patrick:Yes.
Kelley:Like, there were no leaves. Like, everything was dry and dry and.
Patrick:Like, I think, what are they hunting? What are you hunting? There are no birds here. There's nothing here.
Kelley:They're just. I don't know.
Patrick:It was terrible. Yeah. But so they get killed.
And now we're introduced to the happy go lucky teenagers who are on their way to the camp or to go camping at the lake or the toxic swamp puddle or whatever you want to call it. And as Kelley quickly pointed out to me that he goes, that's David Caruso.
Kelley:It was David Caruso. Yeah.
Patrick:David Caruso was one of the happy go lucky teenagers.
And the thing that was what I was doubly surprised about, that not only was David Caruso in this movie, was how young he was and how freaking blindingly white that little redhead's legs were.
Kelley:Oh, my goodness.
Patrick:And why they chose to put him in the shortest shorty short shorts.
Kelley:It was the time.
Patrick:I know it was the time, but he's got the widest legs, so let's put him in the shortest shorts so that, you know, I don't Know, he throws off the white balance of the camera every time he comes on screen.
Kelley:He's a strange choice, I will say. Like, he didn't like, scream like hot young dude to me. He was kind of like a scrawny Boston guy.
Patrick:Well, then again, the other guy wasn't much better either. The other guy was kind of like the poor man's Matthew Starr.
Kelley:Yeah. Yeah. So they all. So they're gonna go down to the landfill for a little, like, you know, touch and rub in the lake of Sludge Lake. And.
And while they're busy, you know, doing the Humpty Dance, David Caruso's legs. And the girl who almost gets topless but never does.
Patrick:No.
Kelley:I guess they get spirited away and discovered later dead.
Patrick:Mm.
Kelley:And that's. I mean, not much else happens.
Patrick:No, no. I was just gonna give you the basics. Was looking for the basic plot, but this is fine too.
Like, basically there's some alien that's turned this shithole into a hunting ground.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Of his own. It's a little like Predator, but it.
Kelley:Seems like it's been going on for a while, but, like, not enough for anybody to, like, really, like, make a big issue out of.
Patrick:Well, why would they? Because there's nobody fucking there.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:I guess the only people that there are other old coots. It's like the senior community.
Kelley:It is. I wasn't sure for a while. I was going back and forth. I was like, is this gonna be kinda okay, or am I gonna hate this?
And like, up to the point, there's. When they get to this country bar and they go in, I thought for a second, I was like, oh, it's gonna be like feast showdown.
Patrick:Yeah, it's gonna be the siege.
Kelley:I was ready. And then it didn't happen.
Patrick:And I knew it wasn't going to happen. But when I got there, I said, you know what? This is exactly what they set up. And this is what it should have been. Yeah.
Because, you know, they get there, there's like, oh, okay, you know, we're way ahead of ourselves. But where are we? Oh, I'm just looking at my notes. I took notes just to be obnoxious, but they have the prerequisite stop at a gas station.
At the creepy gas station. Right. That is necessary in all horror movies where people are going on vacation.
Kelley:They actually did it twice because they had the bathroom with Martin Landau being creepy cute number one. And then they went to the gas station.
Patrick:I love that whole conversation with her because the girl can't go. For some reason. She can't get into the ladies room. It's locked. So she uses the men's room and runs into Martin Lando, who's coming out of the stall.
And he's all like, well, what are you doing in here? And then they had like a 10 minute conversation right in the men's room. And I'm like, are you going? Who's going to the bathroom?
Kelley:Nobody ended up going to the bathroom.
Patrick:And she was the one who had to go to the bathroom was the other one.
Kelley:And they weren't like. I don't think they were, like, freaked out enough.
Like, I'm a big guy, but if I ran into Martin Landau in a bathroom, like, and there was cryptic shit written on the walls, I'd be a little bit more like, gotta go.
Patrick:Well, that's too.
Patrick:Is that she came back. She's like, oh, my God, I just ran into this carbol man in the. In the restroom. And everyone's like, oh, my God, let's.
Patrick:Go beat him up.
Patrick:I'm like, he was in the men's room. He was where he was supposed to be. You were not where you were supposed to be.
And the other thing I wrote down about this girl when she was walking around in her bikini, I wrote this down and I thought of Freddie when I wrote it. I wrote down mons pubis.
Kelley:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Patrick:She was showing some serious mom's pubis.
Kelley:It was happening. It was right there in her bikini bottom.
Patrick:Yeah. So she's on this first date with the guy who looks like, you know, poor man Peter Barton from Friday the Part four. And God, you know, it's just.
Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, hold on.
Patrick:Oh.
Patrick:We forgot, in the midst of all this, we get a scout troop Crip. A scout troop trip. Did you recognize the guy who led it?
Kelley:He seemed familiar. He was like the. He was. He was. Seemed developmentally disabled.
Patrick:Yeah, that is Larry Wilcox. No, not Larry Wilcox. I forgot his name already. Hold. Oh, Larry Storch. Larry Storch used to be on F Troop.
Kelley:Okay.
Patrick:Yeah, and he also used to be on, you know that cartoon, the Real Ghostbusters.
Kelley:Oh, do I. Do I know the real Ghostbusters?
Patrick:I know Kelley. He was actually on the actual Ghostbusters that the 70s kids show, live Action. He was the guy in the Hawaiian shirt.
Not the guy man in the gorilla suit.
Kelley:Right, okay. The other Ghostbusters.
Patrick:Yeah. And apparently was a huge alcoholic and Randy wound up in a piece of shit like this.
Actually, everybody in this has a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge list of Credits. All those old coots.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Every single one of them has massive careers and they wound up in this.
Kelley:That's weird.
Patrick:Yeah, but they all work. I noticed they all worked on Gunsmoke and Bonanza. So I'm wondering if the director was the son of somebody who was on Gunsmoke and. Or Bonanza.
But again, I'm ahead of myself. He's the head of this scout troop trip.
And you're right, he does seem developmentally disabled because these kids, like, we're gonna die anyway if you're following him. I wrote down wacky bean humor and I don't know what that means.
Kelley:Well, he. For some reason, it was supposed to be hilarious that the Guapo tribe of Native Americans.
Patrick:All the Guapos, Yes.
Kelley:Yeah. The handsomest, the handsomest Indians in the land.
Patrick:Yeah, they were raising beans. Great Indian tribe called the Guapo lived, hunted, roamed in these tribes. They were like the Apache or the.
Kelley:Iroquois or the Chippewa.
Patrick:Did they kill Custard?
Patrick:No.
Patrick:No, the Guapo were famous for raising beans. They were a bean raising tribe.
Kelley:And that is for some reason, just the kid that was supposed to be like a funny thing.
Patrick:Uh huh.
He seemed to be making this shit up as he went along too, because he's talking to the kids, he's like, all right, now break up on this nature trip in the middle of fucking nowhere. This shit bugs like we're gonna break up and you go find a stick or a rock. Yeah. Bring it home to mommy as a gift. Thanks for the sticks, shithead.
Without leaving this trail, I want you to pick up a rock or branch and bring it home to mom and dad as a memento of our trip. No rattlesnakes though, because rattlesnakes carry germs. Hired men dismissed.
Kelley:He said, don't grab any rattlesnakes because they have germs.
Patrick:That's what I said. The lesson of this, this, this, this movie was I learned something.
I learned that rattlesnakes, Rattlesnakes carry germs and that's why they're dangerous.
Kelley:That's the most important lesson that the movie had to offer. Indeed.
Patrick:Okay, so they go to this swamp and actually the blonde girl who doesn't get topless, but apparently topless in everything else that she was in, of course, including humanoids from the deep.
Kelley:Oh, is she in that? Okay, I've seen her. I've seen her topless then.
Patrick:I know. And she's even topless hanging up in the shack. But again, ahead of myself, they have the.
Her and David Caruso have the little sexy rendezvous that we don't see in the lake. The other two go off for a walk and now they're out of the lake. This blonde girl and David Caruso and she's all ready to get it on on the shore.
And she goes, oh, baby, why are you putting your shirt back on? And I said, he put his shirt back on because as I said earlier, his pasty white body was throwing off the white balance from the camera.
Kelley:Absolutely. I didn't even see him at first. I was like, I was like, that is a pair of shorts walking by itself. This is not a. This is a ghost movie.
Patrick:And unfortunately it's the last you see of him. I saw in my head. I remember the whole stalking of the teenagers going on at the beginning. Going on for quite some time.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:And it doesn't.
Kelley:Nope.
Patrick:You don't even see it.
Kelley:Yeah. It's because the other two come back.
Patrick:From their walk and find a crumpled sheet.
Kelley:They sure do. And, and they, they, they go to bother them while they're, you know, they're, they're going to the van to see if they're in there.
They're like, hey, we're back. Like they're interrupting what they think is sex. Which I feel is very rude of them.
Patrick:Uh huh.
Kelley:They're being rude.
Patrick:Yeah. We're done with our walk, man.
Kelley:Right.
Patrick:Fuck you.
Kelley:But they're not there anyway.
Patrick:You and your mom's pubis. No. Cuz they're all hanging in the love shack. Yeah.
Kelley:They're dead. Tin roof, rusted.
Patrick:I don't know why I decided that that place was the love shack. I just did.
Kelley:Perfect.
Patrick:Because it was, you know, they find they're looking for them and they eventually come across this shack. And literally it's a shack in the middle of nowhere.
Kelley:Yep. And there's glitter on the front porch.
Patrick:There's nothing. And glitter on the highway that led to it.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:It's really true. And everybody was moving around and around and around and around.
Kelley:So it's a perfect name. You did right.
Patrick:Thank you.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Thank you.
Well, it turns out everything was happening in that love shack because as I said, the movie should have been called Back to the shack because once they find the shack, they can't get away from the shack.
Kelley:What kind of low rent space alien, like, where did the alien spend most of its time? Did it live in that shack?
Patrick:I don't know. I'm like, did it not. Because they decide later on that this is where it's keeping its game or its food or its trophies or whatever.
It changes whatever it wants when they decide whatever it was. Doesn't it have like a freezer on the spaceship that it came in?
Kelley:I feel like it's like a homeless alien. It doesn't have a spaceship. Like it was left there because it couldn't pay its rent.
Patrick:That's right. It got kicked out of the spaceship for farting too much.
Kelley:Did you like how casually at the end it was slinging the pizza monsters.
Patrick:It was really, really limp wristed throwing was.
Kelley:It was Frisbee golf, man.
Patrick:It was just like where Frisbee golf. It was Frisbee golf. Yeah, that is totally right.
Because you think, you know, well, we're again ahead of ourselves because you know, they find the love shack. There's dead bodies in the shack. Ah, we have to run. Ah, we have to fall down a lot. I didn't know I did like that.
The defects of the dead bodies were gross.
Patrick:No, they were.
Kelley:That was. There were so there were little moments in here where you're like, somebody was competent, someone was doing their job. Added.
Patrick:Added to the fact that everything oozed pus.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Including the little flying pizza things. So I decided this time because initially I was like, when, when I saw the first attack as an adult, I'm going, how are they killing?
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Cuz they'll get one or two of them on them and the person dies in 30 seconds. So I decided now they were toxic.
Kelley:Yeah, sure, when I was a kid.
Patrick:I thought they were getting their blood sucked out, but yeah. So they run and they run and they run and they run and they run and they run. They fall, they run, they fall. Now night falls.
And now we don't just have killer flying hairy pizza pancake monsters. No, now we have flying dayglo hairy killer pizza pancakes.
Kelley:Yeah, they put the glow sticks on.
Patrick:Them on the, just around the rim because they're badass.
Kelley:Right.
Patrick:So you can see them because that's what you want. You want to be able to see that thing that's flying at you. It doesn't really make sense at all. But yeah, they wind up at that bar you talked about.
It's some country ass bar full of more coots.
Kelley:Yeah, it's like the, the rejects from Mel's Diner. They could like, like they can't afford Mel's Diner. So it's just like this weird little.
Patrick:Hey. But you got Aggie instead. Aggie was badass. Aggie was working her permit.
Kelley:She was man.
Patrick:And her name was Aggie and apparently later on she went in. She was. She again, was in everything. But she went on to be in not only Zapped, starring Scott Baio.
Kelley:That makes sense.
Patrick:But the sequel Zapped Again and uhf.
Kelley:This movie was full of people who I'm sure, like you said, they're all on. But this was just everyone that was in everything in the late 60s, 70s and early 80s.
Patrick:Yeah, they had downtime from whatever, like shitty, you know, Love Boat.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Special they were working on.
Kelley:Marcus Welby, M.D. manic. Anything you could think of.
Patrick:Huh? Huh? This is where the living. It's a living. We got it made, all that stuff.
Kelley:Yeah, man.
Patrick:Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And this, you're right. This is where the movie dies.
Kelley:It stops right there.
Patrick:It dies. Is horrible death. Yeah, because in all this, you bet.
You know, Martin Landau is this creepy old guy who's like a veteran who thinks he's still at war. He knows about the aliens, but of course, nobody believes him because he's weird. Jack Palance is the guy who runs the gas station. He's a big hunter.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:So he's hunting the alien. The other guy is trying to alert people, but he's crazy and also just. Is also crazy. And then starts killing. Trying to kill people.
And he shot the sheriff.
Kelley:Yeah. Didn't shoot the deputy.
Patrick:Did not shoot the deputy. But you're right. While he's there, you know, the poor kid gets there, he's like, he's really going for an Oscar here, too. My friends are dead.
Patrick:What?
Patrick:What? What you talk about, kid? My friend are dead. He's like, but calm down, son.
Kelley:Calm down.
Patrick:Calm down. Call the police. Like, well, we can't just call the police. We have to hear your entire backstory. Nobody's arguing about calling the police.
We can't go bothering the sheriff with your dead friend. Oh, hi.
Patrick:Hi, son.
Patrick:Come on in. Take any seat in the joint.
Movie Trailer:Our friends.
Kelley:Are dead.
Patrick:What happened? They've been murdered. Well, come on in. Sit down. Now, take it easy, relax.
Movie Trailer:Give the kid a beer, Aggie.
Patrick:No, no. I need help. I need some help. My friends. Friends are dead. Please, lady, call the police. Now.
Movie Trailer:Calm down, son.
Patrick:Calm down.
Movie Trailer:You gotta tell us a little more before we call in the sheriff.
Patrick:Please, lady, come on. Call the police. All right, I will just start from the start. Tell me what happened and I'll call the police.
Kelley:They don't even, like, they don't even raise an eyebrow. They're just like. This happens, you know, two, three times a week. People come in and say, people are Dead. Yes. They almost never are.
Patrick:Yes.
Kelley:So we're not calling the cops this time until you convince us.
Patrick:No. But now. Shit. Shit starts to go down. The alien is there. The girl sees him and runs away. So we know the aliens there. We saw his creepy shadow.
Kelley:Yep.
Patrick:The lights get turned out, people start to panic. Sarge goes crazy, people are getting shot. And you're right, it now feels like here's the siege.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:There's gonna be flying pizzas at the window. Like all the alien tribe is gonna show up. But it doesn't happen. And we're there forever.
Kelley:Yeah. I wish you would have happened. That would have been great. I would have liked it.
Patrick:Yeah. Cuz up until then I was having a fun nostalgic time. And right about here is when I kept turning to ale to alien. Sorry, I'm reading on my nose.
But I kept turning to Bradford going, I'm bored now.
Kelley:Yeah, that's just it. I felt like I'd never seen it, but like I liked movies like this.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:As a kid. So, I mean, I definitely. There was a feeling of like, oh, yeah, this is familiar. I enjoy this kind of thing.
But then it went nowhere and I stopped enjoying it immediately. Yeah.
Patrick:And then it turned into, like I said, back to the shack. We go to the shack. We leave the shack. We go back to the shack with somebody else. They go to the house.
Kelley:I like when they get to the house and the girl says she's gonna get dressed. And for her dressed is a shirt. No bottoms.
Patrick:Yes. With. Yes. With her mom's pubis again hanging out.
Kelley:Yeah, that's dressed. She's like, I'm gonna get dressed. And he turns away and then she comes out with no pants on.
Patrick:That was a 70s thing though. My sister used to.
Kelley:I mean, it's kind of hot, but.
Patrick:Like, sister used to do that when she was dating somebody. She would wear the tops of his pajamas and wear the bottoms or some stupid shit like that.
Kelley:Yeah. This girl had no bottoms.
Patrick:She had nothing.
Kelley:So like, I don't know why she.
Patrick:Was proud of that mons pubis, you know, We've already seen it. We've seen it pressing against those tight bikini bottoms.
Kelley:Yeah, molded. Molded in. Molded in Lycra.
Patrick:And this is. I really started against. Once we left the chef. Once. Once we left the. The bar, I really started to get annoyed with her boyfriend.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:He all of a sudden decides he's a hero. And after this point, everything is his fault.
Kelley:Oh yeah.
Patrick:Because like, no, I have to avenge my friends in this really high Voice. He had this really high voice for a hero character. Not anything wrong with a high voice. No, but he was a horrible actor.
Like I said, was going for the Oscar with every line and had this high voice and just was saying stupid things and saying them a lot.
Kelley:He was very. He was a very weak, weak mouthed hero.
Patrick:Yeah. And like, they're wandering around this house and scenes that could have been mildly suspenseful. Like when they're hearing noises at the door.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Instead it would be like making a little jokes. No, you go first.
Kelley:Right. Why are they laughing? I thought that too, like, you're diffusing.
Patrick:The tension that you're setting up. And they're like, oh, we're in this abandoned house. No one's lived there for a long time. I'm like, where'd the cat come from?
Kelley:Right. He's like, haha, I found the light, my friends are dead.
Patrick:Mercifully at this point, he's killed. She goes to sleep for literally 30 seconds and wakes up and he's got a big sucker on his face.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:When I saw this as a kid, I was heartbroken.
Kelley:Heartbroken.
Patrick:I'm like, oh, no. Heartbroken.
Kelley:I'm sorry. No.
Patrick:I thought, you know, he was gonna survive. And this is. Oh, they were gonna have a romantic and they were. They're gonna get married. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
But now I'm just like, could not die fast enough. Could not die fast enough. So now we have more running through the woods.
Kelley:Yep. Mom's pubis is running.
Patrick:When you say it like that, it sounds like Mom's pubis. And that's a whole other movie that I don't want to see.
Kelley:Mom's pubis too.
Patrick:Back to the Shack. Back Mom's pubis at Mel's Diner. But now she gets, like, confronted with both Martin Landau and Jack Palance. And it's like the old coupe showdown.
Kelley:Yeah. There should have been like a. I feel like that should have been a musical number.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:Where like, they should. The two coots should have, like, had their arms around each other and like a little kick line.
Patrick:Anything you can shoot, I can shoot better. I could shoot anything better than you. Yeah.
And because really, this movie was more about this tension between Jack Palance and Martin Landau than anything else. Like, this alien is completely incidental.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:90% of the movie.
Kelley:If it was about anything, that's what it was about. Sure.
Patrick:And I didn't care. There's no reason to care.
Kelley:Well, they weren't like, in each other. Like, it just. Everything was weak like they nothing. Like there was too much. Like everything was diluted.
Patrick:Well, it was all the macho posing.
Patrick:Yeah.
Patrick:Which is what. But the thing is, they are chewing the scenery individually, but the script is giving them nothing to do.
Because I'm watching it this time going, you know, they are doing their best.
Kelley:I always feel like Jack Palance just has so much trouble getting words out. I think it's those cheekbones are just so, so rigid that he just can't move. He's like, I can't move my mouth.
Patrick:And this is the part. Also, I started to get really pissed off at the alien dude, because there's a. I think it's still when. When before they go to the house.
Because I don't know, like Martin Landau has them. The three of them are standing there arguing about whatever. Going to the shack again. They don't get to the shack because Martin Landau gets hit.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:With a pizza. It's like a cream pie, but not. It was a cream pie. It would be hilarious. It was killer cream pie.
Patrick:But no, it's.
Kelley:Pizza's up. You want one with anchovies?
Patrick:Makeup. Yeah. So he gets hit with that. And I'm going, this alien sucks. Because then they stand there and argue for whatever. What to do with him.
Oh, we gotta help him. No, let's stand here. No, let's leave. But the alien doesn't throw anything else. He had three targets. He threw one pizza.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:I don't know how many pizzas he has. Maybe he's reserving them.
Kelley:You got to reserve your pizzas.
Patrick:You know, the weekend's coming up.
Kelley:He doesn't want to be caught at his party with not enough pizzas for everybody.
Patrick:Uh huh. It was also, at this point, I also made a note that Greg's voice is higher than Sandy's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they kept talking about the alien.
The alien. You don't see the alien for the longest time. And I'm like, wouldn't it be great if it turned out to be Roger from American dad?
Kelley:It would be great. Hey, guys.
Patrick:Hi.
Kelley:He was a lazy ass alien. He just stood and waited for them to come to him. He's like, I'm just gonna hang out here for a while. I'm gonna toss these at you.
Patrick:You see his face for literally about eight seconds.
Kelley:Yeah. He looks like a Star Trek alien.
Patrick:He does look like a Star Trek alien. Although the first time you see him, it is pretty scary.
Kelley:Sure. Yeah.
Patrick:It was in the basement and the light was doing that psycho thing.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:You know, it was Swinging and she had just found the dead guy. Then he's just. And he seemed frightened as well because he's like, ah, yeah. Oh shit, the camera. Ah, everyone scary.
But then when he shows up at the big final battle, initially he's scary just because he kind of appears by the side of the love shack.
Kelley:It was a cool shot. When you see him just standing there, you're like, that's spooky. But then that's all he does. Yeah.
Patrick:Because it's from a distance. But even from a distance it's just the shack and you know, the field around and you just see a figure standing there.
But you could see even from really far away that there's something very wrong.
Kelley:Right. He looked way spookier from far away.
Patrick:Yeah. And because he's not moving. But then he doesn't know when they get close.
Kelley:He still doesn't.
Patrick:Take another 20 minutes.
Kelley:It's a long ending.
Patrick:It's a long ending. It's a really long ending.
Kelley:Just waiting for mons pubis to blow up the shack. Oh, good Christ.
Patrick:Well, yes, because. Because. Because Martin Jack Pollanz has gone and loaded the shack with dynamite in. In preparation for this.
And I realized I had this thought, I'm like, he probably would have had done a lot better job had he loaded the shack with Black Dynamite.
Kelley:Oh, zowoh
Patrick:Dynamite.
Kelley:Or dolomite.
Patrick:Or Jimmy. Jimmy JJ Walker. That would have been great too.
Kelley:Yeah, right. Dynamite.
Patrick:The alien would be like, fuck it, I'm out of here. This just got weird.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Oh gosh.
Patrick:Yeah.
Patrick:And that really went when Martin Landau finally dies. What a weird, weird end to a major character.
Kelley:Yeah, I think they wanted it to be sad alien when he runs at him.
Patrick:Sorry, that was Jack Plants, right. Martland is going up to him and I forget what he was saying. I don't know, like I see him, blah, blah, blah. He's got the gun on him. And when he finds.
And he's trying to run, try to get all up in the aliens face and like have this clothing monologue. And like you said, the alien throws the cream, throw some pizzas at him.
But if he done it with any panache or aggravation, it might have been affected. But little.
Kelley:He's just like, yeah, he just tosses them. I wish people could like, you should watch this movie just to see how. Just casually and just like nonchalantly. The alien, like in the what.
It's like he's taking them out of his other hand holding a pile of like tea cozies and just killer tea.
Patrick:Cozies.
Kelley:And you just. There you go, everybody.
Patrick:Well, of course, this guy's been talking at him for, like, 20 minutes, and I'm sure the alien doesn't speak English, and he's just like, I. I. Okay. I don't know. I don't have any change.
Kelley:Right.
Patrick:Okay, okay, okay. You know what? I don't. Where's my pizza? Pizza. Pizza. Ew. Get away from me.
Kelley:Ew.
Patrick:Pizza. Ew.
Kelley:Yeah. When Martin Landau is, like, clinging to you sometimes, even then doesn't move.
Patrick:But now it's the whole thing about trying to get it close enough to the shack to blow for so the stupid monster can blow up the shack.
Kelley:It was a lazy and a dumb alien because he's yelling to her, and it just looks over its shoulder like it knows something's wrong. But it's like, too. It's too sleepy. It's. It's got. It's depressed.
Patrick:It's like, well, why didn't. We didn't build MOT into this costume, Right? Yeah. So we have to keep him still because he doesn't have any legs.
So we're just gonna stand here, and then eventually, Jack Palance just cannot take anymore. He just charges the motherfucker, going, alien.
Kelley:Did you notice that the alien. Did you notice that he was wearing, like, Miriam Rushnitz's Afghan?
Patrick:He what? He was where? He was wearing a lovely caftan.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Woke. Well, you know, he's.
Kelley:Roger.
Patrick:He's hunting. He's got to be comfortable.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:You know, he has to live in that shack. You know, I don't know why. You know, where he. He declared it. There's no closet in there for him to start. Unless that was his house they were at.
He's pissed off that he's wearing that. You know, mons pubis is wearing a shirt now.
Kelley:Yeah, she's got his shirt and nothing else. Gross. He's thinking, I don't even want to.
Patrick:Waste one of my pizzas on her because she's wearing my shirt.
Kelley:She's getting her mom's juice all over it.
Patrick:I don't need to put holes in my nice shirt.
Kelley:That's how she survived.
Patrick:Thank you for just being gross and wearing his shirt. I don't know if you got. Did you get the magic Garden where you were when you were a kid?
Kelley:I don't remember. I don't recall it.
Patrick:Yeah, I know it was a regional show, but it was. It was these two hippie girls, and it was a great show.
Kelley:I. We didn't get it, but I have seen it. The two girls like singing guitars on the set.
Patrick:She reminded me of both of them put together.
Kelley:She kind of gave me. I got like a young Laura San Giacomo vibe from her.
Patrick:Okay. Yeah, there was that too. Like if Laura San Jacobo took a lot of Quaaludes.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:So that she wasn't interesting at all. And you know, didn't trim her pubes for.
Kelley:It was the hair and the lips.
Patrick:Yeah. Of course, the magic garden thing was for the hair too. Oh, she's wearing braids and she's wearing plaid. That's the magic garden.
But yeah, okay, that's. That's about the movie. And then this check blows up and then it's over.
And it's one of those early 80s movies where they don't bother with any denouement. No, no, no wind down. Nothing like, okay, we had the finale and we're out.
Kelley:Credits. Credits roll.
Patrick:Love theme from Without Warning. Yeah, they needed a love theme.
Kelley:It would have.
Patrick:Or at least a car washing montage or something.
Kelley:Something funky, something.
Patrick:Oh, coot. Oh, coot. Line dance number. I don't know.
Kelley:Roll derby.
Patrick:I was really disappointed.
Kelley:Yeah, it was. It was not great or good.
Patrick:Yeah. For the most part, whenever. For this particular segment, you know, because I just realized as we're doing this, this would fit into a segment that I.
That I haven't done in a long time. And I try to remember. Oh, the Nightmare Closet.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:Where I revisit something that I loved as a kid or scared the hell I made as a kid and watch it for the first time as an adult. And this is the first thing that disappointed the living shit out of me.
Kelley:Oh, that's. I'm sorry about that, man.
Patrick:I'm sorry, but I just said remake, remake. Movie maker friends. Get on this.
Patrick:There are.
Kelley:You know what? There is like, there is like a nugget of a maybe kind of cool story in there. I like Aliens in the woods. I like that idea.
Patrick:Well, like, actually the guy who played the alien went on to be one of the Predator stunt people.
Kelley:Of course he did.
Patrick:Of course he did. But the thing is, this movie is kind of like a really low budget version of Predator.
Kelley:A really lazy predator. That is the. That is.
Patrick:Yeah, I'll get you maybe.
Kelley:Whatever. That's good.
Patrick:Yeah.
Patrick:Because clearly he's not that hungry. He's not really fussy about his trophies because he took some ugly old men Larry Storch.
And he hit and he hit and he hit porn stache guy right in the face, right in the porn stash.
Kelley:So he Took it out. Hang.
Patrick:You can't hang that on your wall now. That's his best attribute.
Kelley:Oh, you might as well just keep the shirt. Keep the shirt and chuck the.
Patrick:That would have been great if the alien was wearing that shirt at the end.
Kelley:Anything would have been an improvement, but. Yeah, but nothing improved.
Patrick:It.
Kelley:It was. It was bad. I mean, like, just. Just boring bad.
Patrick:Every day, Kelley. It was on every day.
Kelley:You want to know something interesting?
Patrick:Yes.
Kelley:Me and Freddie from Night of the Living podcast I've heard about. Yeah, you might. You may or may not have have heard his voice before.
Patrick:I think I had him inside me once, but that's another story. Well, okay.
Kelley:We were talking about how amongst the podcast community, sometimes a bunch of shows will do the same movie around the same time without having discussed it or anything. Yeah.
Patrick:There's a podcast. Weird osmosis thing that we have.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:And Tracy Morris, who has a podcast I don't know if she talked about on a podcast or wrote about a blog, but she apparently just talked about Without Warning.
Patrick:Oh, wow.
Kelley:Because I was telling Freddie about it earlier today. That's what we were gonna do. But I couldn't remember the name of the movie. I said, I saw the trailer. There were discs that attached to people.
He's like, oh, that sounds like what this lady was talking about. And he was like, is it called Without Warning? And then I went to your message. Fourth wall. Breaking the fourth wall there.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:And I was like, yes, that is it. That is it indeed. So it's weird.
Patrick:AKA it came without warning.
Kelley:It did.
Patrick:But you know what? It tended to give a lot of warning.
Kelley:I would have liked some more.
Patrick:It made a lot of noise, that thing. It made a lot of noise there.
Kelley:Did you know it was. Seemed like it was omnipresent the entire time.
Patrick:Yeah.
Kelley:Like, I don't feel like there was ever a time where I didn't hear and.
Patrick:Or in the pizzas made a lot of noise. You can hear them coming. They were fucking loud, making rat noises. I mean, that's rat noises. You showed rats earlier in the movie, and that's.
Kelley:Why were they. Why did they think the rats were cute? I was like, gross.
Patrick:They're like, they weren't in a cage or anything. They were not pet rats. They were just rats.
Kelley:I was like. She's like, aren't they careless? Like, those are rats.
Patrick:Okay.
Patrick:This is the same stupid girl that, when they pulled up to the toxic lake swamp, goes, oh, my God, it's sensational.
Kelley:Those are rats. She must live in a she probably lives in a dumpster.
Patrick:Well, I guess they're a step up from the humanoids from the.
Kelley:Well. Yeah.
Patrick:And she didn't have to endure that. And she's also probably still blind from looking. David Caruso's. She could. She's just like strangling my body.
I actually, that was a note I had at one point. There was some thing going on that was of some importance. Oh, when they were talking about the. The stealing. Oh, the argument about the.
But they're getting all up in Jack Palance's face for being a hunter early on in the movie. How do you justify killing little animals?
Kelley:They were very. They were very in his face.
Patrick:They were very in his face. Unnecessarily in his face. I'm like, I'm gonna kill you and your mom's pubis.
But that's not the point because David Caruso stepped in at some point to say something important. And I have no idea what he said because those legs came into camera and that was it. It. Your legs are not just white, redhead white legs.
They are distractingly white legs.
Kelley:It was like he had like elephant tusks. Like, they were like ivory. They're like made out of the moon. If you, like reflect like light on them, it like shines back even brighter.
Patrick:They were so shiny. I felt like a magpie. Sparkly.
Kelley:You hit your face on the screen like, oh, it's not real.
Patrick:Well, maybe I should put some pictures of David Caruso's legs up in the window to keep birds from flying into it. I don't know. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing. This movie was so boring. I was so disappointed.
Kelley:It was super dull.
Patrick:Cuz as soon as I remember it, I'm like, oh my God, Kelley will have so much fun with this movie that I'm watching it going, oh, God, he's gonna kick my ass.
Kelley:Well, no, I mean, like, here's the thing. I did see I could. I absolutely saw what you saw as a kid. Like, I was like, this would have been fucking awesome. And now I didn't have it on.
I didn't have HBO. This would have been shown on our local channel 19 heavily at. Well, they probably wouldn't have even had to edit it.
Patrick:There's no sex, there's no.
Kelley:There's no swearing. So it was just showed up on.
Patrick:Channel 19 on a Saturday up all night thing.
Kelley:Yeah.
Patrick:On USA.
Kelley:Well, on Saturday afternoon, like after, like after Legit, the Bad and the Ugly, then they would have shown.
Patrick:This have been fitting since Paphthy's cast was probably in the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. They were the ugly.
Kelley:But. But as an adult, it was just, like, really dumb.
Patrick:Yep, yep, yep, yep. Very disappointing. But you know what wasn't dull and boring?
Kelley:This conversation.
Patrick:No, this book that I read. Oh, yeah?
Kelley:What book was that?
Patrick:I think it was called these Lonely Places. I forget who wrote it.
Kelley:It's a good title. Yeah, I like that title. It's evocative.
Patrick:Yeah, it was all these short stories, and they were really scary.
Kelley:I love short stories.
Patrick:Yeah. Come on, Kelley. You wrote it. You know it.
Kelley:It's my book.
Patrick:Totally your book, Kelley. I love this book.
Kelley:Thank you. You did an excellent job reading Mrs. Lumley's Mask for episode 57. Was it?
Patrick:Yeah. I want to redo it because I've taken a class on how to do an audiobook right now. Yeah, Yeah. I didn't do it right.
Kelley:It sounded good.
Patrick:It sounded good, but now I listen to it, I'm going, ah. Oh, mistake. Ah.
Patrick:Should have done that.
Kelley:Ah.
Patrick:So, yes, I would like to redo that at some point, but not this time. Not in the next. I'll give you a rest.
Kelley:That's okay. I'll. You want to do that story again?
Patrick:For my own purpose, for my own purposes, just to see if I could do it better.
Kelley:Yeah. Well, let me give you the. I. This. It's slightly edited in the. In the book.
Patrick:Oh, is it?
Kelley:So it's a. It's even better.
Patrick:Okay.
Kelley:It's even better.
Patrick:Okay.
Patrick:What's missing?
Kelley:Just some of the. Some of the unnecessary words, like the. Everything is the same.
Patrick:Okay. But. Yeah. Just slimmed down and ready to party.
Kelley:Yeah, exactly.
Patrick:It lost.
Kelley:It lost. It got down to its. It got down to its booty shaking way.
Patrick:Yes. So where can people find out more about you and your righty word things?
Kelley:Well, you can search these lonely places on Amazon, which is the. It's easier than searching my name, which is RK Kombrink, which is hard to remember how to spell.
But if you just search these lonely places, you can get it on Amazon for Kindle or in print, if you prefer to hold your books in your hand physically and turn paper pages. And also if you're like me and you jumped on the Nook wagon early. Yeah. You can also get it on Barnes and Noble. Okay, calm.
Patrick:That's where I got mine.
Kelley:And. And I'm all. I'm on the. I'm all over the Internet.
Patrick:I have to add you as a Nook buddy, then.
Kelley:Nook buddy.
Patrick:Yeah. For like the library swap thing.
Kelley:Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm on. I have a. Oh, yeah.
Patrick:I don't know what that was. You sounded like somebody. Oh, you know who he sounded like for a second? He sounded like Chisak doing Don Knots.
Kelley:Oh, yeah.
Patrick:Well, I was just looking at him through the bedroom window.
Kelley:Bedroom window. I can't do it like he can, though.
Patrick:Nobody can do it like he can.
Kelley:He's. His. Christopher Walken is pretty great, too.
Patrick:Yes. Well, are we talking about him?
Kelley:Not now.
Patrick:Give him a fucking show.
Kelley:Yeah, he can. He have his own thing.
Patrick:Huh.
Kelley:But, yeah, check out my book. If you like it. You. I mean, you will like it.
Patrick:Yes. There'll be a link in the show notes. And, you know, here's.
There's a link in the friend section of the webpage and they can find you because it's a great, great, great, seriously great read. Like, I kept forgetting that somebody I knew wrote it.
Kelley:I thank you for that. It's. It was a. Those were all. I went through a period of being prolific in short stories, and I was learning along the way. So hopefully.
Hopefully I have another. Another period of that here in a little bit. I'm working on a novel now, which is a different kind of animal, but hopefully it's good.
I feel like it's good so far.
Patrick:Did not heap even more comp. Well, this is not a backhanded compliment. Not every story is Blow your mind. Amazing.
Kelley:Well, it can't be.
Patrick:But. No, but the thing is, there's not a dud in the bunch, everyone. I'm like, that was pretty cool.
Or even when it wasn't great, I'm like, that wasn't great, but getting there was fun.
Kelley:It's like Appetite for Destruction. There's no filler, but other. Some stand out more than others.
Patrick:Yes. But, you know, it's made those. Make the ones stand out. You're right. Appetite appetizer, main course. Yes. Absolutely. Made them pop.
Kelley:Yep.
Patrick:Like a splash of color. So, Kelley, this movie, I hate to say, was a dude dud.
Kelley:Thumbs down.
Patrick:However, this conversation with you. A plus.
Kelley:A plus.
Patrick:A plus, bro.
Kelley:Faux show. I enjoyed it. I'll do this anytime.
Patrick:Okay. I would like that very much because you're a cool person. And thanks for having me on, by the way. Well, you're quite welcome.
Kelley:Mucho appreciative.
Patrick:I don't know why I haven't done it sooner. I guess I just am so odd by your awesomeness. There's a lot of. You know, your God makes a really shitty secretary for you.
He's always like, Mr. Cumbrink is busy right now. And I'm like, he's. No, no, I'm a friend of his. It's like, he's not. You're not on the list.
Kelley:I'm gonna talk to that guy.
Patrick:Thank you.
Kelley:I'm gonna talk to that guy. He's already on. He's had two verbal warnings. It's time for written. Okay, moving up to a written warning.
Patrick:Maybe I should tell him with some kind of flaming plants.
Kelley:He.
Patrick:He likes that. That's how he speaks. Yeah, maybe I'm gonna hang up the phone before the lightning comes. Kelley Colembreak, thank you very much. You're welcome.
Here on the ScreamQueenz Horror podcast anytime. And let's do something fun next time.
Kelley:All right, let's do it.
Patrick:Okay, Bye.
Patrick:Bye.
Patrick:One, two, three. And we're out. Thank you, Kelley.
Kelley:No problem, man. That was awesome.
Patrick:That was fun. I don't think it makes any sense at all, but it doesn't matter because you're awesome. Thanks.
Kelley:You're awesome.
Patrick:I need it as a movie. So there's.
Kelley:Right. I didn't feel like we had to talk about it in order because it.
Patrick:Doesn'T matter because nothing happened.
Kelley:Yeah, you could put it in any order.
Patrick:Yeah, it was. Doesn't really matter because, you know, it's a.
These people were standing around doing something stupid and boring, and then they went over here and did something stupid, boring, and. Oh, by the way, there was an alien. No, there wasn't. There's no alien in that scene. And the alien did nothing.
Kelley:Right. Just shadow, huh? It's an intimidating shadow.
Patrick:It was an intimidating shadow.
Kelley:I was intimidated.
Patrick:Yeah.
Patrick:It was probably just something, you know, like. I don't know.
Kelley:It's probably just the boom.
Patrick:All right.
Patrick:They're like, ralph, we got your shadow again.
Kelley:I'll just leave it.
Patrick:Lou.
Patrick:God damn it, Lou. All right. Thank you very much, sir. It'll be on the next episode, and I am mucho grateful. I have to eat, cuz I'm getting weird.
Patrick:All of the music for tonight's show.
Patrick:Unless otherwise specified, has been written by Sam Haynes.
Patrick:You can find all of his music@www.bandcamp.com.
Patrick:Ew.
