You vs You: How High-Achieving Women Silence Self-Doubt (Episode 22)

Nobody's blocking you. Not your husband. Not your kids. The loudest voice telling you to stay small is yours. Here's how to stop obeying it.

You finally claimed something for yourself. Maybe it was your 5%. And right on schedule, a voice showed up: you're already doing so much, why add more, who do you think you are? This episode is about that voice. Where it comes from, why it gets louder the closer you get to something that matters, and how to keep moving anyway. If you're a high-achieving woman in your 40s or 50s who keeps talking herself out of what she wants, this one's for you.

WHAT YOU'LL HEAR

That voice isn't wisdom. It's your Achieving Self using your sense of responsibility against you.

The difference between a practical concern and fear dressed up as one, and why only one of them deserves an answer.

Why the resistance spikes at every milestone, and why louder means closer.

How to build external scaffolding, because you can't borrow belief from yourself when your own brain is telling you to quit.

AN INVITATION

If you've been standing in your own way for so long it feels like the floor, I'm extending an invitation. I opened three private sessions this month. This is for the woman who looks successful on paper and knows something deeper is asking for change. We'll get clear on what chapter you're in, what's keeping you stuck, and whether private coaching makes sense. Apply here: https://calendly.com/kileysuarez/clarity-session-kiley

LINKS

Take the Permission Audit — find out which layer of the Permission Trap is running your life: audit.kileysuarez.com

Download the 5% Worksheet: joy-shift-5percent.lovable.app

Full show notes: kileysuarez.com

ABOUT KILEY

I'm Kiley Suarez — certified life coach, host of The Joy Shift

The Joy Shift is for women in midlife who built the life they were supposed to want — and feel the quiet, persistent gap of 'is this all there is?' You don't have to blow up your life to change it. You just have to start making different choices. Small ones. Ones that say: this is changing.

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Website: kileysuarez.com

The legal stuff: The Joy Shift podcast reflects my personal views and the experiences of my guests. It's meant for real conversation and inspiration — not medical, psychological, or financial advice. Everyone's situation is different. Before making any big changes, please talk with the right professionals for you. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.

Here's something nobody tells you about starting to choose yourself. The loudest voice telling you to stop won't come from other people. It'll come from inside your own head. Let me tell you what happened.

When I started writing my first novel, I'd already committed, claimed my evening, sat down at the laptop, write night after night. And every single time I opened that blank document, a voice in my head said, who do you think you are? You already have a full time job.

You already managed this medical practice. Your family needs you. And now you're going to add this to your plate? Not my husband. He was supportive from the start. Not my kids.

They barely noticed me. I was the one standing in my own way. Welcome to the joy shift. I'm Kylie Suarez.

Let's talk about the pushback that matters most, the kind that comes from inside. On Tuesday, we talked about finding your 5%. Starting those small rebellions, claiming time and space for yourself.

And if you tried even one small thing this week, you probably noticed something. There's a voice, loud, persistent, telling you all the reasons this is a bad idea. You're already doing so much. Why add more to your plate?

You don't have time for this. This is selfish. Who do you think you are? Here's what I want you to understand. That voice isn't wisdom. It's your achieving self.

Trying to keep you safe by keeping you small. And she's convincing because she use sense of responsibility against you. Let me show you what this looked like for me when I started writing.

I didn't just write. I had to learn the entire business of publishing.

Developmental editors, line editors, copy editors, art, you know, cover artists, proofreaders, marketing, promotion, building an author platform. Every step meant putting myself out there. Being visible, being vulnerable. And each step, that voice got louder.

You're spending money on editors when you don't even know if this will work. You're spending time learning marketing when you should be with your family. You're putting yourself out there and people are going to judge you.

These. All these things went on in my head. You already have a career. Why do you need this too? Nobody else was saying these things. My husband was all in.

My family was supportive. It was me questioning whether I deserve to want something that was just mine.

Whether I was allowed to add something to my life that wasn't about being useful to someone else. Here's what that internal pushback actually is. It's your achieving self.

The part of you that learned your worth through being responsible, capable and available. Trying to protect you. She's Looking at your full plate and saying adding more is. Is foolish, dangerous.

You know you'll fail at something better to stay where you are. She's looking at the vulnerability of putting your work out there and saying, if you don't try, you can't fail. Stay hidden. Stay safe.

She's not trying to hurt you. She's trying to keep you from getting hurt. But here's the problem. Keeping you safe means keeping you small. And small isn't working anymore.

So how do you handle the internal pushback? First, recognize it for what it is. When that voice says, you're already doing so much, why add more? That's not practical wisdom. That's fear.

And that's what it is. Fear. The question isn't, should I add something to my plate? The question is, what happens if I don't? Because here's what I learned.

Not writing felt worse than the overwhelm of learning to write. Staying hidden felt worse than the vulnerability of being seen. Your achieving self will tell you the safe thing is to stay where you are.

Your achieving self will tell you the safe thing is to stay where you are. But you know better. Staying where you are means slowly disappearing. Second, distinguish between practical concerns and fear in disguise.

Sometimes your brain raises legitimate questions. How will I actually fit this into my schedule? What do I need to learn to do this well? What resources do I need?

Those are real answers, and those are real questions. Those are real questions that deserve real answers.

But then there are the fear questions dressed up as practical concerns, like, what if I'm not good enough? What if people judge me? What if this doesn't work? Those aren't questions to answer. Those are fears to acknowledge and move forward anyway.

When I was working with editors, spending real money, real time, learning a whole new industry, my achieving self kept saying, what if this is a waste? What if you're not good enough? I couldn't answer those questions. I just had to decide, am I willing to find out?

Third, expect the voice to get louder at milestones. Here's what I noticed. Every time I hit a new milestone, the internal resistance spiked. Finishing the first draft. This is terrible.

Don't let anyone read this. Hiring an editor, you're wasting money. You're being irresponsible. Who are you to write? They're going to laugh when they read this.

Publishing the book. Who do you think you are? People are going to judge you. Launching this podcast. You don't have anything new to say.

Why add your voice to the noise every single time? That voice didn't go Away. It just found new reasons to keep me small. But here's what I learned.

The louder the resistance, the closer you are to something that matters. Your achieving self doesn't freak out about things that don't count. She freaks out about when the stakes feel real.

So when that voice gets loud, that's not a sign to stop. That's a sign you're onto something. Fourth, build external scaffolding. You can't do this alone. Not when your own brain is working against you.

I had my husband who believed in my writing before I did. I had other writers who understood the vulnerable mess of putting your work out there. I had editors who treated my book Baby with care.

And eventually I had readers who told me they this mattered to me. Keep going. When your internal voice says, who do you think you are? You need external voices that say, I know exactly who you are. Keep going.

Find those people, coaches, communities, friends who get it. Because you can't borrow belief from yourself when your own brain is telling you to quit. Let me tell you what happened.

When I finally published my first book. All that internal resistance, all those months of who do you think you are? It was still there when I hit publish. But something else was there, too.

Proof. It's done. I'd done the thing I said I couldn't do. I'd done the thing I said I couldn't do. I'd added something to my full plate and managed it.

I'd been vulnerable and survived. I'd learned an entire new industry from scratch. My achieving self didn't disappear. But she got quieter. Because now I had evidence.

I'm allowed to want things just for me. I can add something to my life that feeds me, not just others. I can be visible and vulnerable and still be okay. That evidence changed everything.

Here's what I want you to understand. If the pushback you experience is mostly internal, if it's your voice saying you're already doing so much, why add more? You're not alone.

Most of us aren't being blocked by our families.

We're being blocked by ourselves, by the part of us that thinks we have to choose, that we can't have the responsible life and the things that just are ours. That adding something that feeds us is selfish when we're already doing so much. But here's the truth. You don't have to choose.

I didn't stop managing the practice. I didn't stop showing up for my family. I didn't abandon my responsibilities. I just stopped abandoning myself. And yes, it meant my plate got fuller.

Yes, it meant learning new things and being vulnerable in new ways. But that alternative, not writing, not trying, staying safe and small, that felt worse. So here's your homework for this week. 1.

Write down the internal pushback you're experiencing. What is that voice actually saying? 2. Ask yourself, is this a practical concern or a fear in disguise? 3.

Find one external voice, one person who can say, keep going. When your internal voice says stop, and when that voice says, you're already doing so much, why add more? Answer it honestly.

Because staying small feels worse than being stretched. Because I deserve to want things just for me. Because not to. Doing this means slowly disappearing. That's why.

Before you go, if you push through internal resistance this week and did the thing anyway, I see you. That's hard and you did it. If the internal voice won this week, that's okay. This is practice.

The voice doesn't go away, but you get better at recognizing it for what it is and moving forward. Anyway, next Tuesday, we're talking about what happens when you realize the thing you thought you wanted is, isn't actually it?

When you have to pivot, when you have to disappoint the version of yourself you have who had a different plan. Thank you for being here. Thank you for pushing through your own resistance. See you Tuesday.

The Joy Shift podcast with Kiley Suarez shares my personal views and the experiences of my guests. It means it's meant for inspiration and conversation, not medical, psychological, or financial advice. So everyone's situation is different.

Before making any big changes in your life, talk with your healthcare provider, mental health team, financial advisor, or another qualified professional. Take what resonates, leave the rest. Always choose what's right for you.