133. The Candy Corn Principle: Why You Can’t Please Everyone

You're listening to the Counselor Chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy.

I'm Carol Miller, your host. I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students.

If you're looking for a little inspiration to help you make a big impact on student growth and success, you're in the right place. Because we're better together.

Ready to chat.

Let's dive in.

Hey there counselor friends. Welcome back to another episode of Counselor Chat.

I'm your host, Carol Miller. I'm a school counselor, a coffee enthusiast, and a firm believer that candy corn is either a nostalgic fall treatment or a waxy triangle of regret.

There's really no in between.

And that, my friends, brings us to today's episode. The Candy Corn Principle why you can't please everyone.

Because if there's one universal truth out there,

it's this.

No matter how hard you try,

not everyone is going to like candy corn.

And the same it goes for you.

Not everyone is going to like what you do,

how you run your program,

or the decisions you make as a counselor.

And that's okay.

In fact,

it's healthy.

So here's how this whole idea came to me.

It was one of those October mornings where my coffee was hot,

my to do list was long,

and I was feeling like super counselor.

You know that feeling when you've got a plan?

The one where you're not only supporting your counseling goals,

but you're really working on the counseling smart goal that you set for yourself,

the one that aligns so beautifully with your district's priorities.

For me,

ours was that every student would set and create smart goals twice a year.

And I thought, perfect.

I'm going to make this meaningful. I'll help every student feel successful.

This is going to be fantastic.

So I created this self efficacy pre post test survey and this goal tracking worksheet where each student could write their smart goal list, three steps to reach it, and then set a deadline.

And because I'm clearly a fan of ambitious ideas fueled by caffeine,

I decided I would conduct minute meetings with every single student during my classroom lessons to go over their goals and help them set their action steps. I mean, it sounded amazing in theory.

Cue the inspirational montage music, right?

But then reality, it checked in. And by the time I was halfway through my second class of the day, I realized this was going to take about six weeks, three clones, and a personal caffeine ivy to complete.

I mean, each kid needed time to think,

to write and talk through their goals.

Some were setting great academic goals. I want to improve my math grade. I'm going to do this by practicing my math facts. Or I want to be a better reader.

So I'm going to read every night for 20 minutes, and I'm going to make sure that I'm actually reading chapter books.

But others proudly told me my goal is to get a cat and listen. Hey, I'm a cat person.

I love a good cat goal. But at that point, I knew this plan might need a little rethinking.

So as I packed up one class and prepped for the next, I said to one of the teachers, wow,

this is taking longer than I expected.

And without missing a beat, they replied,

well, a regular lesson would have been better.

Ouch.

Thank you for that vote of confidence.

Pep talk Edition.

It was in that moment, standing there surrounded by half finished goal sheets,

scattered pencils, and my own slightly bruised enthusiasm,

I had what I now call the candy corn epiphany.

Because just like candy corn, not everyone is going to like your flavor.

Even when your intentions are pure,

your work is thoughtful,

and your heart's in the right place.

I mean, some people will absolutely love what you do.

Others, they just won't get it.

And that doesn't mean your work is less valuable.

It just means it. It's not for everyone.

And honestly,

neither is candy corn.

As school counselors, I mean, we're naturally wired to help. We want everyone to feel supported, understood, included, seen.

And if we're being honest,

we sometimes we want everyone to like us, too.

I mean, we thrive on connection.

It's what makes us good at what we do.

But that same strength,

it can also trip us up. Because when we try to please everyone,

every teacher, every admin, every parent,

we start to lose sight of what really matters.

And it's that moment when you say yes to one more classroom request,

even though your schedule is already bursting at the seams.

Or when you agree to be on another committee because, well, it's good for the program.

Or when you stay up reworking your bulletin board because someone made an offhand comment about the font.

And the worst part,

when someone doesn't love what we've created,

I mean, it feels personal.

Like that teacher who said a regular lesson would have been better.

I mean, they weren't trying to be mean. They were just speaking from their perspective.

But to me, in that moment, it felt like well, that was a fail.

But here's the thing.

It really. It wasn't a fail.

It really was a learning moment, a reminder that sometimes we'll create things people love and sometimes people will just prefer a regular lesson.

And both are okay.

I mean, if you're doing meaningful student centered work,

that's what counts.

So let's zoom out for a moment.

You're not here to make everyone happy.

You're here to make a difference.

And those two things, they are not the same.

When you run a small group for students who need support,

some teachers are going to love it.

Others might think you're pulling students too often.

When you enforce confidentiality,

some parents will thank you,

others might question it.

And when you prioritize Tier 1 lessons,

instead of being on call for every crisis,

someone will misunderstand.

But boundaries,

they aren't barriers.

They're the guardrails that'll keep you focused on your purpose and prevent burnout.

And when we make decisions based on our professional framework, instead of guilt, we create programs with impact and not chaos.

And trust me, you can't run a comprehensive program if you're always running on fumes.

But let's talk about those boundaries for a second, because they're often the first things to go when we're trying to keep everyone happy.

And setting boundaries might sound like, I'd love to help with that,

but I'm already scheduled for classroom lessons during that time.

Or I can't take on another committee,

but I'd be happy to help share some resources,

or I'm happy to brainstorm ideas, but I can't lead that project right now.

I mean, notice none of those are defensive.

They're calm, they're clear,

and they're professional.

You don't need to justify your decisions.

You just need to stand by them.

And when people know where your priorities lie in student success and equity and access and data informed programming,

they might not always agree,

but they'll understand you're consistent.

And here's the secret.

Consistency earns respect faster than people pleasing ever will.

All right, counselor friends,

let's do a little counselor guilt detox.

Because if you're feeling guilty for not doing enough,

pause and ask yourself,

am I doing what's best for students?

Is this aligned with my counseling program goals?

Would I expect another counselor to take this on?

If your answers are, yes, it's best for students,

yes, it's aligned with my program goals, but no, I would not expect another counselor to take this on,

then the guilt isn't yours to carry.

You don't need everyone's applause to do meaningful work.

You just need to stay aligned with your purpose.

I mean, the world, it's not going to end if one teacher doesn't love your smart goal lesson and the program. It won't collapse if someone prefers a different format.

You're not failing,

you're refining.

So if you're wondering what happened with my lesson,

well, here's what ended up happening. I did take it as a learning,

little learning thing.

And in my next class I went in, I started with that self efficacy pre test.

I gave it all to the kids.

And then we talked about what a good smart goal actually was.

I mean, I've been teaching smart goals to them. This was a fifth grade class. I've been teaching smart goals to them since they were in first grade.

So I expect that they would have all known that.

But they did need that refresher.

So we talked about what smart stood for,

what a smart goal was. And then we talked about how we had to set a deadline and create some action steps that were going to help us reach our goal.

I gave them a ton of examples.

I had them share with me whoever wanted to some of their smart goals. I picked them apart so that they would understand what to improve and what to change. And then I had them all at the same time fill out their worksheet.

I still plan on going over them all, but at least I got every worksheet back at the end of the period.

Now I'm just going to call them in during lunch and small groups so we can chit chat,

go over the goals. And I'm sending them back to recess,

so it's not going to take quite as long.

So as we wrap this up,

I want to leave you all with the little candy corn. Counselor manifesto,

I want you to repeat after me.

Yes. Even if you're listening in your car or while you're cutting out bulletin board letters.

Are you ready? Here we go.

I can't please everyone and I don't have to.

Boundaries protect my purpose.

Guilt is not a growth strategy.

My program's worth isn't measured by how many people like it.

It's measured by the difference it makes.

And candy corn doesn't need to change to be loved.

And neither do I.

So, counselor friends, if today's episode gave you permission to put down the guilt and pick up your boundaries,

that's the sweet spot.

Remember, leadership, it doesn't always look like agreement.

Sometimes it looks like quietly standing firm in your purpose,

even when no one's cheering.

I mean, you are doing incredible work even when it goes unnoticed.

Maybe especially when it goes goes unnoticed.

So go grab a handful of candy corn or whatever your snack of choice is.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself,

you, my friends,

are enough exactly as you are.

So until next time, stay kind,

stay balanced and keep doing the work that matters.

Because you, my counselor friend,

you are the real treat.

Until next time.

Bye for now.

Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and at counselingessentials.org podcast.

Be sure to hit follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast player. And if you would be so kind.

To leave a review, I'd really appreciate it.

Want to connect? Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram at counselingessentials. Until next time. Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.

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