Growing Oatmeal, Burning Snow, and Spicy Sex w/ Faith Buhs of Stressed Out Mamas

Episode 37 • 29th June 2023 • Barnyard Language • Caite Palmer and Arlene Hunter

Arlene: 00:00:47

So today we are talking to Faith Bush who's joining us

Arlene: 00:00:49

from Saskatchewan and Faith.

Arlene: 00:00:51

We start each of our interviews with the same question.

Arlene: 00:00:53

So this is our way or your way to introduce yourself to our listeners.

Arlene: 00:00:57

And we always ask, what are you growing?

Arlene: 00:00:59

So that covers crops, livestock, kids, businesses, and

Arlene: 00:01:02

whatever else you wanna cover.

Arlene: 00:01:03

So what are you growing?

Faith: 00:01:05

So it's funny you bring that up because when I was talking to my

Faith: 00:01:07

hobby, I said, oh, we're a crop farm.

Faith: 00:01:10

He's like, that's no, we're a grain farm.

Faith: 00:01:14

We, we don't say crop farm in the agriculture business.

Faith: 00:01:17

And I was like, oh, I'm trying, I'm trying here.

Faith: 00:01:21

Yeah, you're getting there.

Faith: 00:01:23

So, um, you do grow crops, right?

Faith: 00:01:25

That's what I thought.

Faith: 00:01:26

Like you grow crops.

Faith: 00:01:28

So is it not just

Arlene: 00:01:28

a crop farm?

Arlene: 00:01:29

Faith: 00:01:30

farm?

Faith: 00:01:31

So grain farmers and then I have five kiddos.

Faith: 00:01:35

That are a blended family.

Faith: 00:01:36

And then I also have my own company, stressed out mamas.

Arlene: 00:01:41

So what ages are the, uh, that group of kids that you're talking

Faith: 00:01:45

about?

Faith: 00:01:46

So I've got 13, nine.

Faith: 00:01:48

Nine and four year old twins.

Faith: 00:01:51

And you're probably wondering why I said nine and nine.

Faith: 00:01:54

So we are a blended family.

Faith: 00:01:56

I have my two bonus boys that are 13 and nine, and then I have my daughter

Faith: 00:02:00

that my husband actually adopted.

Faith: 00:02:02

Um, she's nine as well.

Faith: 00:02:04

And they let everyone know they're not the bush twins, they're six months apart.

Arlene: 00:02:12

Very clear.

Faith: 00:02:13

Yeah.

Faith: 00:02:14

And then ironically enough, we ended up, when we decided to

Faith: 00:02:16

have an US kid, uh, with twins,

Arlene: 00:02:20

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:02:20

So you got lots of, uh, double ages.

Arlene: 00:02:23

Yes.

Faith: 00:02:24

I think we're the only blended family that can say that

Faith: 00:02:26

we only have three grads to go to, or three hockey teens to attend.

Faith: 00:02:30

It is perfect.

Arlene: 00:02:33

Yeah, that's true with, yeah.

Arlene: 00:02:35

You're a big family, but you've, uh, doubled up some places there,

Arlene: 00:02:38

so there's some efficiencies.

Arlene: 00:02:40

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:02:40

So what kinds of, uh, grains are you

Faith: 00:02:42

growing?

Faith: 00:02:44

This'll be fun.

Faith: 00:02:45

Okay.

Faith: 00:02:45

We grow canola.

Faith: 00:02:48

Barley, wheat and oats.

Faith: 00:02:54

And the reason I think it'll be fun is because my husband and I were

Faith: 00:02:58

just recently having the conversation with seeding up and coming about a

Faith: 00:03:02

new crop rotation, and I thought I was gonna hit it right on the mark.

Faith: 00:03:06

I was like, we should plant oatmeal.

Faith: 00:03:10

Mm-hmm.

Faith: 00:03:11

And he was just like, what do you think of that oatmeal honey?

Faith: 00:03:15

I was like, yeah, like, don't you just like pick it off the like

Faith: 00:03:19

stem or the like the stock and you just like, and he's like, oh

Faith: 00:03:23

honey, oh, I just love you so much.

Arlene: 00:03:32

So I think that leads well into Katie's next question.

Caite: 00:03:36

I feel like in all fairness here, we would say that you're

Caite: 00:03:39

a row crop farmer, so I feel like you were pretty close.

Caite: 00:03:42

Also, please tell 'em that you want to plant corn checks

Caite: 00:03:46

and see how that goes over.

Caite: 00:03:48

Or honey puffs or something.

Caite: 00:03:50

Who plant Cheerios next year, babe.

Caite: 00:03:52

You're right.

Caite: 00:03:54

Smart ass.

Caite: 00:03:55

Um, so.

Caite: 00:03:58

I don't wanna say clearly you're not from a farm background,

Caite: 00:04:01

um, cuz that would be rude.

Caite: 00:04:03

But how, how has your adjustment been to this life?

Caite: 00:04:08

Faith: 00:04:09

has been like a slap in the face.

Faith: 00:04:12

I now understand that when you come from this city going out to

Faith: 00:04:16

the farm, you don't plant oatmeal.

Faith: 00:04:18

Like it comes from oats and.

Faith: 00:04:21

Is then processed to oatmeal.

Faith: 00:04:24

But like I thought we learned about farms.

Faith: 00:04:27

Like Saskatchewan is a prairie province.

Faith: 00:04:30

Farming is like one of the staples.

Faith: 00:04:32

And I was like, I know nothing like snap.

Faith: 00:04:36

So I have learned along the way.

Faith: 00:04:41

Um, and my husband, I should also preference, he is a jokester.

Faith: 00:04:44

His whole family are jokesters.

Faith: 00:04:47

So very early on in the relationship, he made me believe that in

Faith: 00:04:52

Saskatchewan we could burn snow and.

Faith: 00:04:59

I love you guys' reaction.

Faith: 00:05:00

You're just like, what?

Faith: 00:05:03

So I

Caite: 00:05:04

thought, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Caite: 00:05:06

Like burn it as fuel, or like burn it to get it off the fields or all of the above.

Caite: 00:05:15

So, I like your husband.

Caite: 00:05:17

I'm, I'm just gonna say it like not to throw you under the

Caite: 00:05:20

bus here, but he is one of us.

Caite: 00:05:23

You are clearly one of us, but he is also clearly one of us cuz that sounds

Caite: 00:05:28

like something my husband would too.

Caite: 00:05:31

Right.

Faith: 00:05:31

So he said, um, how the story went was in Saskatchewan, we don't burn

Faith: 00:05:36

snow because it affects cat libidos and we just have so mice to mice around

Faith: 00:05:41

that we would not want that to happen.

Faith: 00:05:44

So we need to have lots of cats so we don't have a lot of mice, but in Manitoba

Faith: 00:05:51

and like further out that way, they burned snow all the time and he was showing

Faith: 00:05:56

me videos and I took it upon myself.

Faith: 00:06:00

To blast Facebook and be like, I can't believe you.

Faith: 00:06:03

Saskatchewan.

Faith: 00:06:04

Farmers don't burn snow.

Faith: 00:06:05

What is wrong with you guys?

Faith: 00:06:06

Who cares about cats libido?

Faith: 00:06:08

We can take care of the mice problem a different way.

Faith: 00:06:12

And then my father-in-law called me and he just asked me very politely,

Faith: 00:06:19

but very firmly to remove the post.

Faith: 00:06:23

Now I should also preference, he has, uh, taken on the RM Reeve here, so

Faith: 00:06:30

he's in contact with a lot of farmers.

Faith: 00:06:33

And I guess when I posted it, it was not many seconds later that they all had

Faith: 00:06:38

called him going, is she really that city?

Faith: 00:06:41

Like we knew she was c but she's that city.

Faith: 00:06:46

And he was just like, I don't understand honey.

Faith: 00:06:49

Like they don't teach you this stuff in, in the city.

Faith: 00:06:51

And I was like, Well, I think it was how my husband just preference it.

Faith: 00:06:55

Like he was very convincing.

Faith: 00:06:58

Like I wouldn't know any difference.

Faith: 00:07:00

I thought it was a thing.

Faith: 00:07:03

So the farming culture has been quite a shock.

Faith: 00:07:06

People definitely like to take me for a ride sometimes because I'm just

Faith: 00:07:10

so like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

Faith: 00:07:12

And then they start to laugh after.

Faith: 00:07:13

I'm like, oh, you were joking.

Caite: 00:07:15

In your defense, they're the ones who raised him to be that full of shit.

Caite: 00:07:20

So I really feel like this comes back on them.

Caite: 00:07:22

This is not on you.

Caite: 00:07:25

On the other hand, I feel like we need to make him some sort of trophy

Caite: 00:07:29

because seriously, the cat's libidos, like that's, that's some like next

Caite: 00:07:36

level shit talking right there.

Caite: 00:07:38

Like that is, that's impressive.

Caite: 00:07:42

That's not just like, Normal level shit talking.

Caite: 00:07:46

And in all fairness, I realized this morning I was trying to tell my kids

Caite: 00:07:50

about, uh, platypus and I realized that I tell them so much bullshit, and they're

Caite: 00:07:56

four and six, that they don't believe that a platypus is a real thing because

Caite: 00:08:01

this is what happens when you raise your kids with this level of bullshit.

Caite: 00:08:04

They don't believe anything now.

Arlene: 00:08:06

Right.

Arlene: 00:08:07

Well, and there's so many creatures that aren't real, right?

Arlene: 00:08:09

Like we tell them about unicorns and we put them on t-shirts and.

Arlene: 00:08:14

Beds, breads and put them in TV shows, and that's not a real thing.

Arlene: 00:08:17

So why would a Platy pus be real?

Arlene: 00:08:19

Like it doesn't make any sense.

Arlene: 00:08:20

Like it lays eggs, but it has fur, but it's sweat.

Arlene: 00:08:24

Like it's all the things that shouldn't.

Arlene: 00:08:27

Shouldn't be a thing and they're never gonna see

Caite: 00:08:29

one.

Caite: 00:08:30

Right.

Caite: 00:08:30

Well, I think the, the other issue was that the girl child thought

Caite: 00:08:33

I was talking about an octopus and she was like, no, mommy.

Caite: 00:08:37

They live in deep water.

Caite: 00:08:39

Like Right.

Arlene: 00:08:40

Eight legs, come on.

Arlene: 00:08:42

This

Caite: 00:08:42

kid believes in unicorns, believes that they are real.

Caite: 00:08:45

Does not believe in plant pie.

Caite: 00:08:47

Yes.

Caite: 00:08:48

Oh, that's

Faith: 00:08:48

awesome.

Faith: 00:08:48

Anyway.

Faith: 00:08:51

Anyway.

Faith: 00:08:52

But you just gotta have funt in life.

Faith: 00:08:54

I think if you take it too serious, then like you just get

Faith: 00:08:57

this like grouchiness to you.

Faith: 00:08:59

So I am grateful that we can joke and stuff.

Faith: 00:09:02

And my father-in-law, like this snow burning thing, it was six years ago and

Faith: 00:09:07

still random strangers come up to me.

Faith: 00:09:10

Oh, you're the snow farming, snow burning wife.

Caite: 00:09:15

Yeah, if they're gonna know you for something better, it

Caite: 00:09:18

should be something funny, right?

Caite: 00:09:19

Cause they could be like, you're the one who smells really bad, or

Caite: 00:09:24

you know, you're the one with the really bad attitude or something.

Caite: 00:09:26

Like, I'd rather be known for something funny, right?

Caite: 00:09:31

Like it's.

Caite: 00:09:34

I found out a couple months ago that I am known at our local

Caite: 00:09:37

vet's office as the duck lady.

Caite: 00:09:41

And like of all the things I thought I'd be known for, that wasn't it?

Caite: 00:09:44

But I'm like, you know what?

Caite: 00:09:46

I'm okay with that.

Caite: 00:09:48

Like, yeah, that's not the worst.

Caite: 00:09:49

No, I'd rather be known as the duck lady than, oh, that fucking bitch.

Caite: 00:09:53

You know?

Caite: 00:09:53

Like it could be a lot worse.

Arlene: 00:09:55

So now have you ever brought ducks into the vet clinic?

Arlene: 00:10:00

Or it's just that you actually have duck.

Arlene: 00:10:01

I did not confirm more than

Caite: 00:10:02

I, that I have actually brought a duck with an eye infection into

Caite: 00:10:06

our very serious, large animal vet.

Caite: 00:10:09

And that

Arlene: 00:10:10

is fine.

Arlene: 00:10:11

Presented.

Arlene: 00:10:12

Don't want your duck to suffer.

Caite: 00:10:13

Exactly.

Caite: 00:10:13

No.

Caite: 00:10:14

And now I

Arlene: 00:10:14

know how to treat it.

Arlene: 00:10:15

It's probably cheaper than a farm call, right?

Arlene: 00:10:17

Like if they weren't already coming to the farm.

Arlene: 00:10:18

You don't wanna call them out for just a duck if there

Arlene: 00:10:21

wasn't anything else happening.

Caite: 00:10:22

No, totally.

Caite: 00:10:23

But I think this was 11 years ago and they still call me the duck lady, so yeah.

Caite: 00:10:29

Whatever anyway.

Caite: 00:10:31

But yeah,

Arlene: 00:10:31

still, still not the worst thing you could be.

Arlene: 00:10:34

No.

Arlene: 00:10:34

So you mentioned that, um, one of the things you're growing is a business.

Arlene: 00:10:38

So can you tell us about, um, what it's called, because I love

Arlene: 00:10:42

your name and why you started it.

Arlene: 00:10:44

What was your inspiration?

Faith: 00:10:46

So, um, when I moved out to the farm, I realized that supporting local

Faith: 00:10:50

Canadian businesses just wasn't common.

Faith: 00:10:53

Amazon Prime, they get great shipping, fast shipping.

Faith: 00:10:58

That's how people did it out here and in the city.

Faith: 00:11:00

There are so many knickknack shops of Canadian local made

Faith: 00:11:04

products that you could just go in.

Faith: 00:11:06

So I was really frustrated with that.

Faith: 00:11:09

So I decided after the twins, um, daycare just wasn't affordable for us anymore.

Faith: 00:11:14

I was like, Nope, I'm gonna work to pay daycare.

Faith: 00:11:18

I'm just gonna stay home.

Faith: 00:11:19

But I've always had that hustle mentality and my husband was like,

Faith: 00:11:23

well, start your own business.

Faith: 00:11:24

Faith: 00:11:26

It's just that simple structure, our business.

Faith: 00:11:29

So we sat Yeah.

Arlene: 00:11:31

Out, out on the farm.

Arlene: 00:11:32

No problem.

Arlene: 00:11:32

Yeah.

Faith: 00:11:33

You know,

Caite: 00:11:34

and I was like, you could have done custom snow burning.

Caite: 00:11:38

You should tell, tell your father-in-law that that's your new business idea

Caite: 00:11:43

and see how far you can wind him up.

Caite: 00:11:45

He deserves it.

Faith: 00:11:46

Oh my gosh.

Faith: 00:11:47

And I should like get a tractor and like, Put some stuff like, I don't

Faith: 00:11:52

know, blow dryers on it or something.

Faith: 00:11:54

Well, they,

Caite: 00:11:56

they make flame heaters, like waiters are a serious thing.

Caite: 00:11:59

So just, just mock up a business card.

Caite: 00:12:03

Let me know if you need help.

Caite: 00:12:04

Like I am all in on this concept.

Caite: 00:12:07

Oh my god, cat reproductive.

Caite: 00:12:10

Katie's your first franchisee and custom snow burning.

Caite: 00:12:13

Absolutely.

Caite: 00:12:15

Oh,

Faith: 00:12:15

that's gonna be perfect.

Faith: 00:12:16

Oh, and it'll just get him going again.

Faith: 00:12:19

He's always like, faith, shut up.

Faith: 00:12:21

Shut the fuck up.

Faith: 00:12:22

Don't say it in public anymore.

Faith: 00:12:23

I'm like, but I just can.

Faith: 00:12:24

It's just so perfect.

Arlene: 00:12:27

Everybody remembers it, right?

Arlene: 00:12:28

So,

Faith: 00:12:29

um,

Caite: 00:12:30

so yeah, so I think Faith is my new bestie.

Caite: 00:12:32

I'm just gonna put it out there.

Faith: 00:12:36

I've been replaced.

Faith: 00:12:39

Oh, well how about we just do a trio thing?

Faith: 00:12:41

I'm down here.

Faith: 00:12:42

Okay.

Faith: 00:12:42

That that works.

Faith: 00:12:43

Yeah.

Faith: 00:12:45

So we were sitting around the kitchen table at.

Arlene: 00:12:47

Um, so you were just, I think it was right about the time you were saying,

Arlene: 00:12:51

you were sitting around the, the table talking about what kind of business.

Arlene: 00:12:54

Yeah,

Faith: 00:12:55

so I was sitting around the kitchen table with the kids and we were trying

Faith: 00:12:57

to come up with a business name and my 13 year old at the time would've been 11.

Faith: 00:13:04

And he goes, you're stressed all the time, mom.

Faith: 00:13:10

Mm-hmm.

Faith: 00:13:11

Mm-hmm.

Faith: 00:13:11

And he's like, stressed out, mom.

Faith: 00:13:13

Every mom is stressed.

Faith: 00:13:14

Really?

Faith: 00:13:14

If you think about it, y'all are batshit crazy.

Faith: 00:13:19

And my husband was sitting there going in one, two, you're gonna get your head

Faith: 00:13:24

chewed off, we're gonna hear swearing.

Faith: 00:13:27

And he was just like, everyone was just like, oh, shit.

Faith: 00:13:30

He said it.

Faith: 00:13:32

And I was like, you.

Faith: 00:13:33

It's a great name

Arlene: 00:13:35

and every and And you're not

Faith: 00:13:37

wrong.

Faith: 00:13:38

Yeah, right.

Faith: 00:13:39

Everyone, we are stressed.

Faith: 00:13:41

Right?

Faith: 00:13:42

And I think it connects with so many people.

Faith: 00:13:44

And I've talked to lots of branding and a lots of marketing people and

Faith: 00:13:48

they're like, A lot of businesses don't lead with negativity, but you do.

Faith: 00:13:54

And I said, because it's true.

Faith: 00:13:57

We kind of, yeah, don't wanna talk about negative things, but they're

Faith: 00:14:01

there and you can't see positive if you don't have a negative.

Faith: 00:14:06

So stressed out, mamas became mama name.

Faith: 00:14:12

And then from there, I used to be a pamper box.

Faith: 00:14:16

So every month you would get a Pamper item.

Faith: 00:14:18

You'd get six items to Pam, yourself with, because I was on this crusade

Faith: 00:14:22

of being we're I'm gonna change the world, this is gonna be perfect.

Faith: 00:14:26

And everyone was like, it is perfect, but not for long term.

Faith: 00:14:31

I, I feel guilty.

Faith: 00:14:32

And I'm like, what?

Faith: 00:14:33

No, no.

Faith: 00:14:34

I'm gonna shove this down your throat.

Faith: 00:14:36

You're gonna enjoy it.

Faith: 00:14:37

You have no fucking choice, and this is what we're doing.

Faith: 00:14:41

And people are like, no, this is not

Arlene: 00:14:43

what we're doing.

Faith: 00:14:46

So my business took a huge pivot.

Faith: 00:14:50

Now it is an essential motherhood kit.

Faith: 00:14:53

It comes with cooking, cleaning, home decor, and then

Faith: 00:14:58

just a tiny bit of pampering.

Faith: 00:15:00

So you still get to have that aspect in your life because the reality is, we

Faith: 00:15:06

wanna say that we can pamper ourselves.

Faith: 00:15:07

We wanna be able to spoil ourselves, but we just feel guilty.

Faith: 00:15:11

And that was never the intent of my business.

Faith: 00:15:13

It was to make motherhood easy and to make sure.

Faith: 00:15:16

Uh, shopping Canadian business is easy.

Faith: 00:15:18

It was never for guilt.

Faith: 00:15:20

So that's where my business has taken me.

Faith: 00:15:22

Um, I've been in business now for two years.

Faith: 00:15:24

I just celebrated my anniversary January 4th, and it has just been

Faith: 00:15:29

so beautiful, but crazy enough.

Faith: 00:15:33

My number one subscriber is Ontario Customers.

Caite: 00:15:38

Very cool.

Faith: 00:15:39

Where I'm based in Saskatchewan, and the pandemic

Faith: 00:15:43

took me to a couple online shows that Ontario just keeps loving me.

Faith: 00:15:47

And Saskatchewan is still like, we know you, a snow burning person.

Faith: 00:15:51

I don't know if we can trust with a business yet.

Arlene: 00:15:56

I like that you were willing to be flexible though, right?

Arlene: 00:15:59

Like not just like, this is, this is the way I see it, see it and this is

Arlene: 00:16:03

the way it's gonna be, but actually listening to your clients and to your

Arlene: 00:16:06

customers and, and realizing that they wanted something a little bit

Arlene: 00:16:10

different from what you are offering.

Arlene: 00:16:12

So that's a really, really good to know that you can, you can adjust, right?

Arlene: 00:16:17

Because sometimes people just get stuck in on, yeah, like you said,

Arlene: 00:16:21

this is the way, this is the way I see it, so this is the way it's gonna be.

Arlene: 00:16:24

But yeah, if, I mean, I know that if I got pampering items, you know,

Arlene: 00:16:29

that many every month, they would probably start to stockpile after a

Arlene: 00:16:33

while and you'd think like, well, I'm not getting through them, so maybe

Arlene: 00:16:36

I'll cancel because, you know, like, I've got lots to last me for a while.

Arlene: 00:16:39

Right.

Arlene: 00:16:39

So that's good that there's a bit of variety

Caite: 00:16:41

too, I have to say too, as someone who's never been real good

Caite: 00:16:46

at relaxing, And certainly is not now with, you know, a full-time

Caite: 00:16:50

job and two little kids in a farm.

Caite: 00:16:53

That to me, the most pampering, rewarding, relaxing thing at this point

Caite: 00:16:58

in my life is to be able to cross off all the little shit on my to-do list.

Caite: 00:17:02

All those little projects that just pile up and it's just all that little shit.

Caite: 00:17:11

You know, when you like buy new shoelaces for somebody, but then they just sit there

Caite: 00:17:15

on the counter for six months because you're never gonna like put it on your

Caite: 00:17:19

to-do list, to change out shoelaces.

Caite: 00:17:22

And so to me, the idea of having a, a box that comes with like a nicer candle than

Caite: 00:17:29

I might normally buy for myself or like fancier cleaning products or whatever,

Caite: 00:17:34

is much more the kind of self-care that I want and can like, Get into because

Caite: 00:17:45

to me, getting a pampering box that then goes wasted, A feels like, why the fuck

Caite: 00:17:50

don't I ever have any time for myself?

Caite: 00:17:52

And also, why am I wasting this money on this stuff that I'll never use?

Caite: 00:17:55

And also now I just feel worse about the fact that I never take any time for

Caite: 00:17:59

myself and that I don't enjoy it when I do because I'm thinking about all the shoe

Caite: 00:18:03

laces and all that little shit that I do.

Caite: 00:18:06

You

Arlene: 00:18:06

have shoe laces currently on your

Caite: 00:18:08

counter, Katie?

Caite: 00:18:09

No, but I did put in soles in two pairs of my husband's shoes

Caite: 00:18:12

this morning because they've been sitting on on the counter for weeks.

Caite: 00:18:15

Yeah, a little thing got done.

Caite: 00:18:17

Right.

Caite: 00:18:18

Just gonna do it.

Caite: 00:18:19

Do it.

Caite: 00:18:20

So faith also, Arlene and I were talking about how you

Caite: 00:18:24

should have a farm mom based.

Caite: 00:18:26

Line, but then we realized that it would probably just be like

Caite: 00:18:30

earplugs, oxyclean and whiskey.

Caite: 00:18:32

Um, which I think is a totally valid box.

Caite: 00:18:36

Personally, you could throw some like, you know, uh, livestock paint

Caite: 00:18:41

markers in there or something too.

Caite: 00:18:43

Oh my God, yes, yes.

Caite: 00:18:45

Some, uh, heavyweight oil, something like that.

Caite: 00:18:48

But how do you pick the items that go into your boxes?

Faith: 00:18:52

Yeah, so originally it used to be me vetting all of these Canadian

Faith: 00:18:56

companies and spending hours, and now because of half such a big

Faith: 00:18:59

name, I have companies coming to me.

Faith: 00:19:02

So I make sure there's always a cleaner and there's always a cooking

Faith: 00:19:06

product because I know for myself, like it's a, it's a farm thing.

Faith: 00:19:12

I know it is the oil and the grease and the crap that my husband

Faith: 00:19:16

comes home with on his clothes.

Faith: 00:19:17

I'm like, Can we throw it out?

Faith: 00:19:19

Like, I don't even wanna wash this.

Faith: 00:19:20

I'm, and he's like, no.

Faith: 00:19:23

I'm like, oh, fine.

Faith: 00:19:25

I'll wash the stupid thing.

Faith: 00:19:26

Or like the dirt that's in my house.

Faith: 00:19:29

I'm like, my family comes from the city.

Faith: 00:19:31

They're like, faith, I don't understand.

Faith: 00:19:32

Like the, the dirt.

Faith: 00:19:35

It's, it's different dirt.

Faith: 00:19:36

And I was like, it's it's farm dirt.

Arlene: 00:19:38

Like it's just there.

Arlene: 00:19:39

It doesn't go away.

Caite: 00:19:43

So that's the thing too, when people are like, oh, I live in the city.

Caite: 00:19:46

Oh my, I, I need to dust.

Caite: 00:19:47

And I'm like, this is not dust in my house.

Caite: 00:19:49

This is straight up, like this is topsoil, this is not dust.

Caite: 00:19:55

Plus we live on a gravel road, like it is dust, but it's also

Caite: 00:19:58

straight topsoil and cow shit.

Caite: 00:20:00

Like, oh right, let's just embrace it.

Caite: 00:20:03

You know,

Faith: 00:20:04

just embrace it.

Faith: 00:20:05

So like, that was my thing.

Faith: 00:20:06

I was like, I always wanna have a cleaning product that's going to

Faith: 00:20:08

be used and going to be heavy duty.

Faith: 00:20:12

I'm, I always want a cooking product because I'm always cooking and with

Faith: 00:20:16

us having harvest and seeding like we cook meals, I'm so gracious.

Faith: 00:20:21

My mother-in-law does not wanna release the reigns on that.

Faith: 00:20:24

She wants to die on that hill.

Faith: 00:20:26

And I'm going,

Arlene: 00:20:28

Good for you.

Arlene: 00:20:29

I'm okay with that.

Faith: 00:20:32

So, but even cooking meals at home, like it's such a boring task.

Faith: 00:20:37

And I, before I started having children, I went to culinary school.

Faith: 00:20:41

I wanted to be a chef.

Faith: 00:20:42

I was super, and now I'm like, I fucking hate cooking.

Faith: 00:20:45

I don't know what to cook.

Faith: 00:20:46

Oh fuck, I gotta cook another meal today.

Arlene: 00:20:49

Oh, could someone, why did they eat so often?

Arlene: 00:20:51

Right?

Arlene: 00:20:52

All day, every day.

Arlene: 00:20:54

And

Caite: 00:20:54

then it faith, this is proof that we really are like meant to be.

Caite: 00:20:57

Because I also went to culinary school and spent the first like 20 years

Caite: 00:21:02

of my working life in restaurants.

Caite: 00:21:04

Yeah.

Caite: 00:21:04

And so now when I bitch about cooking, my husband's like, but you love cooking.

Caite: 00:21:08

And I'm like, you collect tractors.

Caite: 00:21:10

You love tractors.

Caite: 00:21:11

But this is like, if every day you went out and changed the oil three fucking

Caite: 00:21:15

times and everybody bitched about how they don't like how you changed the

Caite: 00:21:18

oil, but you never got to drive it.

Caite: 00:21:21

You never got to take it out of the shed.

Caite: 00:21:23

You just changed the fucking oil.

Caite: 00:21:26

You're not.

Caite: 00:21:27

This is not what I love about cooking.

Caite: 00:21:30

Making chicken nuggets 50 fucking times a day.

Caite: 00:21:34

Microwaving corn dogs is not why I went to school.

Caite: 00:21:37

Okay.

Caite: 00:21:39

Exactly.

Caite: 00:21:41

I like, I don't want cook, I don't want to eat the stuff that I would

Caite: 00:21:45

like to cook because at this point I'm so tired that I'm not gonna like

Caite: 00:21:50

cook a four course meal and then, you know, sit down and then clean up.

Caite: 00:21:55

Right.

Caite: 00:21:56

Couldn't I have a fucking corn dog?

Arlene: 00:21:58

Exactly.

Arlene: 00:21:58

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:21:59

Cuz when you were cook, when you were cooking, you had a dishwasher too, right?

Arlene: 00:22:02

So you could make a, all the mess you wanted and somebody got

Caite: 00:22:05

was someone else's job to clean it up.

Arlene: 00:22:07

Somebody.

Arlene: 00:22:08

Right?

Arlene: 00:22:08

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:22:10

That's a whole different task.

Faith: 00:22:12

And like I find like trying to cook new food that I'm gonna be

Faith: 00:22:17

interested in, that the kids like, it's like bang in my head on a wall.

Faith: 00:22:21

I'm like, I don't want chicken nuggets.

Faith: 00:22:23

Can we just try something different?

Faith: 00:22:26

And they're like, well, no, I want chicken nuggets.

Faith: 00:22:28

I'm like, fuck you.

Faith: 00:22:29

Then have your chicken nuggets and I'm gonna make my chicken nugget look pretty.

Faith: 00:22:34

Then, I don't know,

Caite: 00:22:36

just garnish the shit out of those chicken nuggets.

Caite: 00:22:39

Faith, just garnish the shit out of it.

Caite: 00:22:41

There you go.

Caite: 00:22:42

It's got a drizzle and tossed in something.

Caite: 00:22:44

It gets a little, little, uh, radish roses right there next

Caite: 00:22:47

to your, next to your nuggets.

Caite: 00:22:50

Plopped right there on top of the ranch.

Faith: 00:22:52

Right.

Faith: 00:22:54

That was the staple of my box now, and that's how I picked them, knowing

Faith: 00:22:58

that this product is going to be used.

Faith: 00:23:01

And what would be even better is if I introduced you to a, a cooking

Faith: 00:23:05

product or a cleaning product and you went, I love this so much, I'm

Faith: 00:23:09

now gonna buy from them directly.

Faith: 00:23:12

Because now I've connected two people that probably would've never found

Faith: 00:23:15

each other because a lot of Canadian businesses don't go on Amazon,

Faith: 00:23:19

um, until they're big, big, big.

Faith: 00:23:22

But how do you get big?

Faith: 00:23:23

When people don't know about you, it's an like such a weird concept to me that

Faith: 00:23:27

a lot of people don't know about people.

Faith: 00:23:30

And even for myself, the businesses I've come across, I'm like, how,

Faith: 00:23:34

how long have you been in business?

Faith: 00:23:35

Oh, I've been in business for like 10, 15 years.

Faith: 00:23:37

I'm like,

Arlene: 00:23:38

oh, that,

Faith: 00:23:39

that's cool.

Faith: 00:23:40

You know your shit.

Arlene: 00:23:43

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:23:45

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:23:45

And those little businesses that are maybe in like their local stores

Arlene: 00:23:48

or a handful of grocery stores, you know, kind of like those small

Arlene: 00:23:52

regional economies, but are, you know, maybe have online shops, but Yeah.

Arlene: 00:23:55

How do they then branch out and find new customers right outside of their area?

Caite: 00:24:02

Yeah.

Caite: 00:24:03

I hate to say too, like I use Amazon because I can get everything at one place.

Caite: 00:24:08

Like I would much rather support local places.

Caite: 00:24:10

But if I have to like order from one place and then order from another

Caite: 00:24:14

place and then keep track of all those packages, it just, and pay shipping

Arlene: 00:24:18

on everything.

Caite: 00:24:19

Yes.

Caite: 00:24:20

Right.

Caite: 00:24:21

Just.

Caite: 00:24:22

I don't wanna deal with it.

Faith: 00:24:24

So my eventual idea is to have a warehouse of cooking and cleaning products

Faith: 00:24:30

that you can try out in the subscription.

Faith: 00:24:32

And if you love it, we can just create it again for you.

Faith: 00:24:35

That would be the ideal world, because Exactly.

Faith: 00:24:38

I don't wanna go to six different places.

Faith: 00:24:40

I don't have time.

Faith: 00:24:42

I really don't.

Faith: 00:24:43

I wish I could say I did, but I got a husband who's a farmer that

Faith: 00:24:46

I've gotta run meals to or check on him or I'm stuck, come get me.

Faith: 00:24:50

And then I've got kids going, well, I got sports in school,

Faith: 00:24:53

are you gonna come get me?

Faith: 00:24:54

Like, no, I don't have time for this shit.

Faith: 00:24:58

I just don't.

Faith: 00:24:59

And then all of my city friends are always like, well, faith, you

Faith: 00:25:03

know your house is looking so blah.

Faith: 00:25:06

Don't you have any like decor pieces that you set out every holiday?

Faith: 00:25:09

Or don't you like, has there something new in your house?

Faith: 00:25:12

I'm like, I'll go to the fucking barn and grab some old wheels or

Faith: 00:25:17

something, I'll throw 'em in the house.

Faith: 00:25:18

Do you want that?

Faith: 00:25:18

Like, I don't have time to go shopping for home, for house decor.

Faith: 00:25:22

You guys, who does?

Faith: 00:25:23

Who's got that time?

Faith: 00:25:25

But people are like, well why not?

Faith: 00:25:28

I don't understand.

Faith: 00:25:28

You're stay home mom now.

Faith: 00:25:30

And I'm like, no, nope.

Faith: 00:25:32

No, it's way different.

Faith: 00:25:33

It's so different.

Faith: 00:25:35

Um, so that's where the home decor piece had tied in was I was so

Faith: 00:25:39

sick of people saying, well, you know, just look at Pinterest.

Faith: 00:25:42

You can go to the dollar store and get stuff.

Faith: 00:25:44

I'm like, I have time to create dollar store decor, you guys.

Faith: 00:25:48

I really don't care.

Faith: 00:25:51

I'm thinking about how I'm going to survive and cook the

Faith: 00:25:54

chicken fucking nuggets tonight.

Faith: 00:25:56

That's my plan.

Caite: 00:25:59

I love.

Caite: 00:25:59

You may have seen on Yeah, and it's, oh, sorry, Arlene, on our Instagram I posted,

Caite: 00:26:04

you know, we see all this farmhouse decor.

Caite: 00:26:07

Thank you Chip and Joanna of just white.

Caite: 00:26:11

Minimalist shit.

Caite: 00:26:13

And I posted a picture of our entryway with the literal like

Caite: 00:26:16

mountain of coats that is as tall as I am, and I am almost six feet tall.

Caite: 00:26:21

That's just like an avalanche.

Caite: 00:26:24

And I'm like, you know, no, farmhouse Magazine has come

Caite: 00:26:27

to feature my house recently.

Caite: 00:26:29

And then when people are like, this is my seasonal decor that I put out

Caite: 00:26:32

for two weeks before Halloween, and then I put it away and I'm like,

Caite: 00:26:36

God bless you for having the energy.

Caite: 00:26:38

But how, like I know people with small children and jobs who do this and

Caite: 00:26:45

like, I legitimately don't understand how, you know, like more, more power.

Caite: 00:26:52

I have,

Arlene: 00:26:52

I have cobwebs, but yeah, they're, they're seasonal.

Arlene: 00:26:57

Like actual spiders.

Arlene: 00:27:00

That's good.

Arlene: 00:27:00

Halloween

Caite: 00:27:01

decor for me, it's a little nature preserve right in the house, Arlene.

Caite: 00:27:04

Yeah, for sure.

Arlene: 00:27:07

So that you already mentioned one of your future goals for the business.

Arlene: 00:27:10

Um, do you have any other things that you're working towards or things that

Arlene: 00:27:14

you have in the back of your mind that you're, uh, would like to see

Faith: 00:27:18

in the future?

Faith: 00:27:19

Um, I think just getting my name out there.

Faith: 00:27:21

So I have been kind of for two years that hidden secret, that hidden gem

Faith: 00:27:25

because I was like, well, I'm a farmer's wife and I've found, um, coming from

Faith: 00:27:30

the city, I'm very like, I'm gonna do me, you do, you, you got the farm,

Faith: 00:27:35

good on you, but I'm gonna do my thing.

Faith: 00:27:37

And people are like, no, you're a farm wife.

Faith: 00:27:41

Like where do you get that mentality from?

Faith: 00:27:45

You gotta fit into this farm wife box.

Faith: 00:27:47

And I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll try.

Faith: 00:27:51

And my husband's like, no.

Faith: 00:27:52

If I wanted that, I would've married somebody out here.

Faith: 00:27:56

I found you.

Faith: 00:27:57

I love you.

Faith: 00:27:58

And I'm like, thank you so much.

Faith: 00:28:00

Thank you.

Faith: 00:28:01

But my next year.

Faith: 00:28:04

Getting people to know who I am and knowing that I'm out here.

Faith: 00:28:07

And you don't have to be some high princess to have the decor in my box.

Faith: 00:28:14

You don't have to be somebody that's like, oh, I'm gonna get a subscription.

Faith: 00:28:17

It's just gonna be filled with shit.

Faith: 00:28:19

I can't stand subscription boxes that have shit in them where it piles up,

Faith: 00:28:24

like you guys were saying, it piles up.

Faith: 00:28:25

Then you feel guilty that it's piled up because you're not

Faith: 00:28:28

spending time on yourself.

Faith: 00:28:29

No, I want this stuff to be used in a month.

Faith: 00:28:31

And if you, it takes you longer to use, it means that you

Faith: 00:28:33

don't like it, get rid of it.

Faith: 00:28:35

If you pass it along to the next person, if you like it,

Faith: 00:28:39

you're gonna use it real quick.

Faith: 00:28:41

Um, so that's where my goals are.

Faith: 00:28:44

Just getting people to know I'm here.

Faith: 00:28:46

Um, sadly I'm only gonna be focusing on Canada.

Faith: 00:28:49

So the u my us ladies, I have a lot of them like, Hey, what about us?

Faith: 00:28:53

And I'm going, Oh, it's so logistical issues right now.

Faith: 00:28:57

I'm not even gonna be touching that for many years to come.

Faith: 00:29:00

So I'm gonna focus here on Canada and really get people to know that I'm here

Faith: 00:29:04

and I'm here to support the motherhood journey, not make it more stressful.

Faith: 00:29:08

Um,

Caite: 00:29:11

so off topic, how did you and your husband meet?

Faith: 00:29:15

Well, I'm gonna be honest because honesty is the best policy.

Faith: 00:29:20

We lied to everyone in our life.

Faith: 00:29:21

We said that we met at an auction house, which is kind of true.

Faith: 00:29:26

Um, after my, I had my daughter, uh, her sperm donor, I had split, and I use the

Faith: 00:29:33

word sperm donor because he truly is, um, a piece of work, very toxic and abusive.

Faith: 00:29:40

Um, so I was like, I'm not dating anyone.

Faith: 00:29:42

And my mother is, again, another toxic person in my life.

Faith: 00:29:46

So she's jumped from small town to small town.

Faith: 00:29:48

So I've always kind of had that small town feel to me, and I've kept in contact

Faith: 00:29:51

with a lot of my friends and they went.

Faith: 00:29:52

We're gonna put you on a website called Farmers.

Faith: 00:29:55

Only you heard of it.

Arlene: 00:30:00

Katie met her husband on

Caite: 00:30:01

Farmers only

Caite: 00:30:06

when on my first date.

Caite: 00:30:07

But guys are twin.

Caite: 00:30:07

The literally the day after he told his parents he was never getting married.

Caite: 00:30:12

He was never having kids.

Caite: 00:30:14

Nothing.

Caite: 00:30:14

We went on six dates and seven days.

Caite: 00:30:16

We were engaged three months later.

Caite: 00:30:19

Yeah.

Caite: 00:30:20

Right.

Caite: 00:30:21

Obviously.

Faith: 00:30:22

So my friends had put me on there and they had paid for a

Faith: 00:30:27

month and they said, if you wanna keep after a month, it's on you.

Faith: 00:30:30

And I was like, fuck that.

Faith: 00:30:32

I'm not paying to fucking meet a guy.

Faith: 00:30:34

Like the fuck.

Faith: 00:30:36

So two days before my.

Faith: 00:30:40

Account was going to expire.

Faith: 00:30:42

And I had only met US farmers.

Faith: 00:30:44

It was very few and far between Canadian ones.

Faith: 00:30:46

And if they were, they were in Alberta.

Faith: 00:30:48

And I was like, Ugh, I don't know if I can move from my family.

Faith: 00:30:52

I'm so close to them.

Faith: 00:30:53

So I had met Devin and in two days, like I really was like,

Faith: 00:30:58

uh, I don't even wanna date.

Faith: 00:30:59

I really have no interest in this.

Faith: 00:31:02

Well, two days I said, hi, my, my name is Faith.

Faith: 00:31:05

And he's like, where do you work?

Faith: 00:31:06

I work at an auction house.

Faith: 00:31:08

And then it expired and I don't know why he thought this is the one.

Faith: 00:31:15

And he stalked the shit out of me to find out the auction

Arlene: 00:31:18

house I was at, and then

Faith: 00:31:22

proceeded to come to the auction house and was like, oh, you know who I am.

Arlene: 00:31:27

Do I know who you're,

Caite: 00:31:30

should I,

Arlene: 00:31:30

should I know who

Faith: 00:31:31

you're?

Faith: 00:31:32

And then like after that, he was so persistent and like, so smitten by me

Faith: 00:31:37

and I was like, Yeah, you're so cute.

Faith: 00:31:41

But I'm a city girl, can you move your farm closer?

Faith: 00:31:44

Like, what?

Faith: 00:31:46

And he's like, yeah, does that work?

Faith: 00:31:49

And ironically enough, he was just coming out of a marriage.

Faith: 00:31:53

Um, he has had a very toxic marriage.

Faith: 00:31:57

They, they were, you know, high school dating, oh, we live in a small

Faith: 00:32:02

town, you'll never find anybody.

Faith: 00:32:03

Let's just make it work.

Faith: 00:32:06

And yeah, he had just come outta that marriage and we had met it.

Faith: 00:32:10

They, she had been moved out for a couple of weeks.

Faith: 00:32:13

They had split a year before.

Faith: 00:32:16

But, um, when it comes to fathers and parenting, it becomes very, Toxic.

Faith: 00:32:24

Sadly a lot of mothers will take the children away or you're on a farm while

Faith: 00:32:27

I'm going to the city kind of thing.

Faith: 00:32:30

So they had split before.

Faith: 00:32:32

He wanted to keep them home for harvest.

Faith: 00:32:33

And then after harvest, so this was November when we had met and I didn't

Faith: 00:32:38

understand when we had met what everyone around us was like, wow, she is a harlett.

Faith: 00:32:44

She's the one that split this marriage up.

Faith: 00:32:46

She's this.

Faith: 00:32:46

And I'm like, whatcha talking about?

Faith: 00:32:50

And it's because they were just such a private farm there.

Faith: 00:32:53

They don't talk about anything.

Faith: 00:32:56

So we just, he's like, do you mind if we lie how we match?

Faith: 00:32:59

And I was like, I'm okay with that.

Faith: 00:33:00

Cause I think people might think we're really fucked up if we go, Hey, I met on

Faith: 00:33:04

farmers only, but I know nothing about farms and I'm so naive that you can like

Faith: 00:33:09

bullshit your way on anything with a farm.

Faith: 00:33:11

And he's like, yeah, let's just like keep it on the down low.

Faith: 00:33:15

So we've never told anyone that we met on Farmers only, but like I will,

Faith: 00:33:20

I I gave them a raving review saying I met my husband and I would highly

Faith: 00:33:25

recommend the site to anyone that wants to get into the farming community

Caite: 00:33:31

early.

Caite: 00:33:31

We should get them to sponsor us.

Caite: 00:33:33

Cause I think, didn't we have another guest who met

Caite: 00:33:35

their spouse on Farmers only?

Arlene: 00:33:36

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:33:37

Uh, Andy, um, Cajun, um, yeah, see Yes.

Arlene: 00:33:41

He and his wife Martin

Caite: 00:33:42

met on there too.

Caite: 00:33:42

We should notes us though and see how many farmers we matched with in

Caite: 00:33:45

common faith and see it's uh, there's a

Arlene: 00:33:49

real, real Yes.

Arlene: 00:33:49

There was some crossover in the years

Caite: 00:33:50

you were on there.

Caite: 00:33:51

Yeah, yeah.

Faith: 00:33:55

Yeah.

Faith: 00:33:56

So that's how we met.

Faith: 00:33:56

We met at Farmers only.

Faith: 00:33:58

And I just think it's so funny because.

Faith: 00:34:01

I, I'm clearly, I have no farming background.

Faith: 00:34:03

I just thought it would be a great way to raise kids.

Faith: 00:34:06

It was more simplistic life than having the bitty busy

Faith: 00:34:09

hustle and bustle of the city.

Faith: 00:34:11

That was the only reason I was like, maybe a farmer would be good for me.

Caite: 00:34:16

So one of the reasons that we started the podcast was the

Caite: 00:34:21

isolation after becoming parents.

Caite: 00:34:24

And I'm wondering what your transition to motherhood was like and especially, you

Caite: 00:34:29

know, going from having one kid, right?

Caite: 00:34:34

Two kids when you had

Faith: 00:34:36

Yeah, I had one, I had one, he had two.

Faith: 00:34:39

So it was motherhood transition from one to three, but it was also the transition

Faith: 00:34:46

of going from a, an severely abusive relationship to a normal relationship.

Faith: 00:34:53

So my first bit of motherhood was just so weird.

Faith: 00:34:57

I didn't know how to do it.

Faith: 00:34:59

I was also, um, I'm a lot younger than my husband.

Faith: 00:35:03

I'm seven years younger, so everyone was like, oh, she's

Faith: 00:35:06

such a baby, she's such a child.

Faith: 00:35:09

And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

Faith: 00:35:11

If I can have a child, I'm not a child.

Faith: 00:35:15

Like I'm mature enough to make the decision to move two

Faith: 00:35:18

hours away from my family.

Faith: 00:35:20

Um, but it's been interesting because when I was a mother with my first,

Faith: 00:35:26

um, I was surrounded by family.

Faith: 00:35:28

It was so unique in the city where you had mom and baby groups.

Faith: 00:35:33

You had, uh, pregnancy groups, you had this group, you had that group.

Faith: 00:35:37

When you move rural, there is nothing.

Faith: 00:35:40

You are stuck at a house with a baby trying to figure it out.

Faith: 00:35:46

And in Canada, here, It's because my husband is such a large farmer.

Faith: 00:35:53

We counted the one day he's, he's taken over 20 farms.

Faith: 00:35:58

So all those farm yards that used to be around that people would get

Faith: 00:36:01

together, there's not that anymore.

Faith: 00:36:04

There's one.

Faith: 00:36:05

So it is so different coming into this situation of the transition

Faith: 00:36:12

of city life to farm life.

Faith: 00:36:15

And I understand the struggles and I understand why people are like, this

Faith: 00:36:19

is fucked up, but how do you fix it?

Faith: 00:36:22

It's, it's an interesting dynamic.

Faith: 00:36:25

And then when we had our twins, um, I was supposed to be in the

Faith: 00:36:30

hospital due to the type they are.

Faith: 00:36:33

So they share one sack, one placenta.

Faith: 00:36:35

So basically the most high twins we could have gotten, we got, and

Faith: 00:36:41

it was the realization of driving two hours for an appointment.

Faith: 00:36:45

It was like, oh my gosh, this is stupid.

Faith: 00:36:48

And then all of a sudden them going, you can't be on the farm anymore.

Faith: 00:36:51

You have to be in the city going, why?

Faith: 00:36:54

Because it's gonna take us an hour to get you to a hospital.

Faith: 00:36:58

And I was like, why?

Faith: 00:37:00

Like,

Arlene: 00:37:01

can't you just figure this out quicker?

Faith: 00:37:03

Like, I'm not moving to the city.

Faith: 00:37:05

So when I transitioned to having the twins at home, I didn't have a lot of family

Faith: 00:37:11

support because they're two hours away.

Faith: 00:37:13

I didn't have a lot of the systems in place because it's two hours away.

Faith: 00:37:17

And when you try to start something I.

Faith: 00:37:21

There might only be one other pregnant person or one other person with

Faith: 00:37:25

a little one on mat leave because there's not a lot of us out here.

Faith: 00:37:30

So that isolation is just so different out here than in the city.

Caite: 00:37:37

I found too that once my kids started school, you know, like same

Caite: 00:37:41

with going into town to go to any sort of baby or child groups, but the

Caite: 00:37:46

friends I made lived, you know, 20 miles on the other side of town and with

Caite: 00:37:51

little ones in a place that has winter and there's no spontaneous way to do

Caite: 00:37:59

anything, you know, you have to plan a month ahead and then just pray that

Caite: 00:38:02

nobody gets sick or it doesn't storm, or you know, and God forbid if your kids

Caite: 00:38:07

don't like, aren't besties, then you're like forcing them to play together.

Caite: 00:38:12

Mm-hmm.

Caite: 00:38:13

And it's been such a great transition now that they're in school and I've like.

Caite: 00:38:18

Met other parents who live, you know, like in town.

Caite: 00:38:24

And we're already in town because we have to get the kids from school, you know?

Caite: 00:38:28

And so we can just be like, Hey, you wanna have pizza?

Caite: 00:38:31

You know, why don't we come over?

Caite: 00:38:33

You can come over to our house and we can let our kids destroy the house

Caite: 00:38:36

and we can eat pizza and ignore them.

Caite: 00:38:38

You know, which is generally my parenting strategy, you know?

Caite: 00:38:41

But it's, it's such, I had not realized how lonely I was to just have friends

Caite: 00:38:49

that I could just hang out with instead of having to like plan this whole

Caite: 00:38:54

fucking elaborate thing to see another adult human for an hour, you know?

Caite: 00:38:59

Right.

Caite: 00:39:00

It's just, Oh,

Arlene: 00:39:02

and when and when the kids are little, you're also managing, you

Arlene: 00:39:04

know, and they're gonna fall asleep.

Arlene: 00:39:06

And if you're driving half an hour to go to someone's house, like are they gonna

Arlene: 00:39:09

fall asleep on the way there, or two minutes before you pull in the driveway?

Arlene: 00:39:13

And then yeah.

Arlene: 00:39:14

If they spend the whole time screaming, it's not very relaxing or fun for anybody.

Arlene: 00:39:19

Right.

Arlene: 00:39:20

And yeah, all that, all that coordination is, uh, challenging.

Arlene: 00:39:23

And I imagine with twins it's even

Faith: 00:39:25

worse.

Faith: 00:39:25

Yeah, it is.

Faith: 00:39:26

It's different being like having singles and then going to the twins.

Faith: 00:39:31

It was like, so when my daughter, she's a girl, when I found out I was having

Faith: 00:39:37

twins, I was like, please be girls.

Faith: 00:39:38

Please be girls.

Faith: 00:39:39

What the hell am I gonna do with a penis?

Faith: 00:39:41

How am I gonna clean it?

Faith: 00:39:42

What am I gonna do with it?

Faith: 00:39:43

I'm

Arlene: 00:39:44

freaking out.

Arlene: 00:39:45

I don't want

Faith: 00:39:45

boys.

Faith: 00:39:46

And my husband was like, I don't want girls.

Faith: 00:39:48

I don't know what to do with girls.

Faith: 00:39:50

And ours are identical.

Faith: 00:39:52

So we were either two girls or two boys.

Faith: 00:39:56

And, uh, the one thing I do appreciate with my husband is he's so supportive

Faith: 00:40:00

with the twins because, and I'm just so, such of a, I'm not giving up type.

Faith: 00:40:07

I'm gonna make my life hell before I give up.

Faith: 00:40:10

So I was carrying two little babies to the hockey rink with two kids behind

Faith: 00:40:17

me with their hockey equipment, going to the dressing room to get everyone

Faith: 00:40:19

done up because at that time, um, The farm just needed his attention more.

Faith: 00:40:25

And I was like, I don't care.

Faith: 00:40:26

I'm going out.

Faith: 00:40:27

I don't care.

Faith: 00:40:27

So I can see where, but also in the same breath, I've held myself back.

Faith: 00:40:33

I never went to the swimming pool.

Faith: 00:40:34

I was like, how the fuck am I going to swim with two babies?

Faith: 00:40:38

This does not sound enjoyable at all.

Faith: 00:40:41

Or when it came to chores, we do have chickens.

Faith: 00:40:45

I don't really consider them livestock because the amount of

Faith: 00:40:48

eggs they produce, we eat in a day.

Faith: 00:40:51

So like there's no selling there.

Faith: 00:40:55

We've had people, oh, do you sell eggs?

Faith: 00:40:56

No, no, we eat our eggs.

Faith: 00:40:59

Um, and then we've also had like butchering chickens or our turkeys

Faith: 00:41:03

that we butchered, but like trying to get them to come with

Faith: 00:41:06

me to the barn to feed and water.

Faith: 00:41:09

I was like, oh my gosh, this is painful.

Faith: 00:41:12

So he would come up with little systems.

Faith: 00:41:15

He would get them their own little special pale and half the eggs

Faith: 00:41:18

would break on the way home, but.

Faith: 00:41:20

At least they were doing something and he's like, at least you're out.

Faith: 00:41:23

And I'm like, yeah.

Faith: 00:41:25

Or um, his, his picture on his Facebook is all seven of us in a f combine.

Faith: 00:41:32

It's tight.

Faith: 00:41:34

It is nice and tight

Arlene: 00:41:35

as tight can

Faith: 00:41:36

be, but we do it.

Faith: 00:41:39

And it's interesting that most men are like, you're fucked, Devin.

Faith: 00:41:45

Why?

Faith: 00:41:46

Why do you have everyone in there?

Faith: 00:41:47

How do you get anything done?

Faith: 00:41:48

And I'm like, but we did this when we first started dating.

Faith: 00:41:51

Can't we continue?

Faith: 00:41:53

And it's so beautiful that we still do, but the kids now are getting

Faith: 00:41:56

to the age, like the 13 year old.

Faith: 00:41:58

He's the size of me.

Faith: 00:41:59

He's a big boy.

Faith: 00:42:01

So it's like having three adults and four children.

Faith: 00:42:04

So now, because we have workers, they usually try and take a couple from us

Arlene: 00:42:11

and the kids are like, yes, I'll go with you.

Arlene: 00:42:14

I don't care.

Arlene: 00:42:16

But so beautiful to see how we, I can breathe.

Caite: 00:42:20

Yeah.

Caite: 00:42:23

We have a hired guy who's like our four year old's bestie.

Caite: 00:42:27

Like our son is so obsessed and it's amazing because he, yeah.

Caite: 00:42:33

Like we take him out and it's just a hellscape, you know, he goes

Caite: 00:42:37

to solace and like, he's actually helpful when Solis is here.

Caite: 00:42:42

Fine.

Caite: 00:42:42

Try not to take it personally.

Caite: 00:42:44

Right.

Faith: 00:42:45

And that's, that's the key word.

Faith: 00:42:46

You try not to take it personal.

Faith: 00:42:49

It's hard.

Faith: 00:42:49

It's like what the, they were sat with you and they did it scream the whole time.

Faith: 00:42:54

They scream with us.

Faith: 00:42:56

What?

Arlene: 00:42:58

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:43:00

So you've talked about being a blended family.

Arlene: 00:43:02

How has that transition gone for the, on the kid level and you know, like how, you

Arlene: 00:43:09

know, like two from different families who are now in the same family and the same

Arlene: 00:43:14

age, and then the transition to having new baby siblings, all that kind of stuff.

Arlene: 00:43:18

So how has the, how has the kid dynamic gone in your

Faith: 00:43:21

house?

Faith: 00:43:22

It's been interesting.

Faith: 00:43:23

I come from a blended family, so my mom and dad split before I was even born.

Faith: 00:43:29

So I've always kind of had that stepparent in my life.

Faith: 00:43:32

Um, and then with my grandparents, they also, so my mother was adopted,

Faith: 00:43:38

which this is a crazy story.

Faith: 00:43:39

So she's adopted, she has adopted parents and biological parents.

Faith: 00:43:44

Well, the adopted parents decided to split.

Faith: 00:43:47

So I have three sets of grandparents on one side, but

Faith: 00:43:51

they all blend so beautifully.

Faith: 00:43:54

Like they're always at every birthday, they're always at every function.

Faith: 00:43:58

I would be like grandma and all three of my grandmas would look

Faith: 00:44:00

at me and I'm like, uh, grandma one, grandma two, grandma three.

Faith: 00:44:07

So that's how I pictured it coming into this situation.

Faith: 00:44:11

And it's a very high conflict situation.

Faith: 00:44:14

So I have really taken the, the opportunity to allow

Faith: 00:44:18

the boys to come to me.

Faith: 00:44:20

It wasn't, I'm your mom, you need to love me.

Faith: 00:44:23

It was, I'm just a friend and I've been where you are with high conflict parents.

Faith: 00:44:28

I've been where you are, where it's shitty, let's just hang out.

Faith: 00:44:32

And that bond that grew was just so beautiful.

Faith: 00:44:35

And with my daughter, um, Devin met her when she was two.

Faith: 00:44:40

She has no recollection of her sperm donor, so she just assumed.

Faith: 00:44:46

We were religious, so we said, oh, God gave you a mommy and

Faith: 00:44:50

just waited to give you a daddy.

Faith: 00:44:52

Well, that kind of came to a head in grade, well, last year, so they

Faith: 00:44:56

were eight and the word adoption came out and it was just like, ooh.

Faith: 00:45:03

And it was, they were using it in a negative word term.

Faith: 00:45:07

So she was like, well, is adoption bad?

Faith: 00:45:09

And I was, we're like, Nope, it's not bad at all, but let's try and unpack this.

Faith: 00:45:13

So she refuses to say adoption.

Faith: 00:45:17

Um, that's her dad.

Faith: 00:45:18

This is her family.

Faith: 00:45:20

Now, the boys, because of the toxic disease of the parents,

Faith: 00:45:24

they have had resilience to her.

Faith: 00:45:27

They don't know how to treat her.

Faith: 00:45:29

And the teachers have really said when they're with dad, that sister,

Faith: 00:45:35

when they're with mom, it's not.

Faith: 00:45:37

So the kids have even learned how to, to pivot.

Faith: 00:45:41

So seamlessly that it just looks normal now.

Faith: 00:45:45

And when parents look at a blended family and say, oh, you know, I want it to be

Faith: 00:45:49

better, or, oh, the kids are suffering.

Faith: 00:45:52

Oh, this, they're very adaptive.

Faith: 00:45:56

And our family has been so adaptive to so many different things

Faith: 00:46:00

where I've gone, I hate this.

Faith: 00:46:03

I don't like how we're toxic or I don't like how this is happening,

Faith: 00:46:06

but I can't change anyone.

Faith: 00:46:08

And it's hard when you're in a blended family to be like,

Faith: 00:46:11

I'm gonna change everything.

Faith: 00:46:13

Um, so that's been interesting.

Faith: 00:46:16

And then when it came to our twins, I was put on bed rest super early, and my kids

Faith: 00:46:22

were just like, mom, you do it all like.

Faith: 00:46:26

Come on, come, let's go play outside.

Faith: 00:46:27

And I'm like, I can't.

Faith: 00:46:29

I'll sit and watch you.

Faith: 00:46:31

And then the twins were in the nicu.

Faith: 00:46:33

So I was gone for six weeks where it was just dad.

Faith: 00:46:38

And again, the kids really struggled because I was always the boy support.

Faith: 00:46:44

I was always that constant parent.

Faith: 00:46:46

I was always there.

Faith: 00:46:47

And then having that taken away, they were through a loop again.

Faith: 00:46:51

So now the twins are four, and we're finally getting back

Faith: 00:46:55

to that same less parenting.

Faith: 00:46:56

But I think in any blended family, you're gonna have highs

Faith: 00:47:00

and you're gonna have lows.

Faith: 00:47:01

And it's okay.

Faith: 00:47:03

And I think people don't say that enough that it's okay.

Faith: 00:47:10

It's either one or the other.

Faith: 00:47:11

I think it's gonna be good or it's gonna be bad.

Faith: 00:47:13

You can't have

Caite: 00:47:14

both.

Caite: 00:47:16

I think so much of blended families is parents getting over their fear that

Caite: 00:47:21

somebody else is gonna take their place.

Caite: 00:47:24

Um, you know, as a, as a child of a single parent family, I, I'm a

Caite: 00:47:29

huge believer in the more people who love your kids the better.

Caite: 00:47:34

And I, I'm sure I would feel differently if there was another woman coming

Caite: 00:47:38

in to raise my kids, but, oh yeah.

Caite: 00:47:42

I think ideally the more people who love and support your family, the better.

Caite: 00:47:47

And whether that person is biological family or, you know, even maybe especially

Caite: 00:47:54

folks who aren't part of that family dynamic, you know that the more adults who

Caite: 00:48:02

are looking out for your kids, the better.

Caite: 00:48:04

That's, you know, there are never gonna be too many people

Caite: 00:48:07

loving your kid, and that's.

Caite: 00:48:11

Yeah, that's what that is.

Caite: 00:48:13

And you know anyone who's threatened by that needs to go to therapy

Caite: 00:48:17

and work out their own shit.

Caite: 00:48:19

That's about you and not about those kids.

Caite: 00:48:23

Yes.

Faith: 00:48:24

And I used to take it so personal with my boys.

Faith: 00:48:26

Well, they won't call me mom, but they call her stepdad dad.

Faith: 00:48:31

Well, I learned it was because it was forced.

Faith: 00:48:35

Now the boys, which I'll get teary-eyed, I'm a big believer

Faith: 00:48:41

in counseling and therapy.

Faith: 00:48:43

I forced his ex-wife and me and my husband and her husband to sit in a

Faith: 00:48:47

room together for a whole year and a half of painstaking counseling.

Faith: 00:48:52

That got us nowhere.

Faith: 00:48:53

But everyone was like, why are we doing this?

Faith: 00:48:55

And I was like, because it'll make us better.

Faith: 00:48:57

It did not.

Faith: 00:48:59

But we tried.

Faith: 00:49:00

But my sons referred to me in counseling as mom.

Faith: 00:49:04

They won't say it to my face.

Faith: 00:49:05

Heaven forbid it leaves that room.

Faith: 00:49:08

But they see it and.

Faith: 00:49:11

I, I understand why you would feel threatened, why somebody else is now,

Faith: 00:49:16

because my husband says it all the time.

Faith: 00:49:18

It pisses me off that they call their stepdad dad, like it should be stepdad.

Faith: 00:49:23

And I said, how hard is it to say stepdad?

Faith: 00:49:27

He's like, well, what do you mean?

Faith: 00:49:28

I was like, it's two syllables.

Faith: 00:49:29

Stepdad, dad.

Faith: 00:49:33

I'm yelling.

Faith: 00:49:33

I'm saying one.

Faith: 00:49:35

He's like, oh, I get it right.

Caite: 00:49:40

I think too, even if the therapy doesn't immediately feel like it helps

Caite: 00:49:45

your kids see that you are trying and that helps, that is worth it.

Caite: 00:49:51

Whether it fixes anything or not, because they're seeing how

Caite: 00:49:57

we treat each other and how to.

Caite: 00:50:00

Deal with people they might not like and how to do what's best for the

Caite: 00:50:04

family, even if they don't want to.

Caite: 00:50:06

And even if that person is a pain in their ass.

Caite: 00:50:09

And you know, the, there is a level of respect we give people, even if they

Caite: 00:50:15

don't deserve it, because they are humans.

Caite: 00:50:18

And especially if we share children that we act like fucking grownups.

Caite: 00:50:23

Yeah.

Caite: 00:50:24

Cause I will admit that people who use their children as leverage

Caite: 00:50:35

think we should probably set 'em on fire.

Caite: 00:50:37

I don't, I don't feel like that's too strong.

Caite: 00:50:39

Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.

Caite: 00:50:43

Yeah.

Caite: 00:50:44

I, you know, whatever your fucking problems are with each other, fine.

Caite: 00:50:48

Like, go to town on hating each other.

Caite: 00:50:50

I don't care.

Caite: 00:50:51

Leave your kids out of it.

Caite: 00:50:54

Yeah.

Caite: 00:50:54

That's, and

Faith: 00:50:56

I think you have two.

Faith: 00:50:59

Social media parents, I always find you have the social media parents that

Faith: 00:51:03

are perfect co-parents, and we sit together at hockey games and we do

Faith: 00:51:06

this and we, we do everything together.

Faith: 00:51:08

And then you have the other ones that are like, this is horrific.

Faith: 00:51:11

And my kids are traumatized.

Faith: 00:51:13

It's okay to be in the middle.

Faith: 00:51:15

I can say hi to my husband's ex-wife.

Faith: 00:51:19

I can say, hi, how are you?

Faith: 00:51:21

And continue on my way.

Faith: 00:51:22

Do we sit and talk?

Faith: 00:51:23

No.

Faith: 00:51:24

Do my twins go up to her?

Faith: 00:51:26

Yep.

Faith: 00:51:27

My daughter went up to her because she's in their life whether I like it or not.

Faith: 00:51:33

And the only issue I ever had was where she blurred the lines

Faith: 00:51:40

a little of my boundaries.

Faith: 00:51:42

But that's gonna happen because we're two different people.

Faith: 00:51:47

And the children saw that I held firm on my boundaries and now they

Faith: 00:51:51

set boundaries, which I appreciate.

Faith: 00:51:53

Sometimes I'm like, the fuck kind of boundaries is that?

Faith: 00:51:57

And then I have to out and go, oh, wait, I set boundary with you.

Faith: 00:52:00

Okay, hi.

Faith: 00:52:00

You can have your stupid

Caite: 00:52:01

boundary.

Caite: 00:52:02

But like, it's, it's really fucking hard when your kids start setting boundaries

Caite: 00:52:06

with you because I'm like, let's teach our kids about consent and bo autonomy.

Caite: 00:52:11

And I'm like, I didn't fucking mean me.

Caite: 00:52:15

If I wanna hug you and you don't wanna hug, I still get to hug you.

Caite: 00:52:18

And they're like, no, fuck you.

Caite: 00:52:21

Like I made you, now I have to go respect your boundaries because I'm

Caite: 00:52:27

the one who told you to have 'em.

Caite: 00:52:28

And now, you know, it doesn't really set a good boundary to be like, well

Caite: 00:52:31

have boundaries except if the other person really wants you to do whatever.

Caite: 00:52:34

And then, right.

Caite: 00:52:35

And then you should just let them do whatever.

Caite: 00:52:38

That's kind of the point.

Faith: 00:52:41

And like, my bonus voice, I'm very affectionate and I'm

Faith: 00:52:44

very affectionate to my daughters.

Faith: 00:52:46

And they were like, why aren't you affectionate to me?

Faith: 00:52:50

And I was like, oh, I, I can definitely hug and kiss you.

Faith: 00:52:54

Well, no, I don't want you to.

Faith: 00:52:55

I just am asking, and I looked at my daughter's like, do you like how

Faith: 00:52:58

I hug and kiss you and smother you?

Faith: 00:52:59

She's like, not really.

Faith: 00:53:01

I was like, oh, why did we open this worm?

Arlene: 00:53:04

Shut up.

Arlene: 00:53:05

You're doing

Faith: 00:53:11

everybody.

Arlene: 00:53:13

Don't men.

Arlene: 00:53:14

Okay.

Arlene: 00:53:15

Just don't mention it.

Faith: 00:53:17

So I think when it comes to blended families, just acknowledging

Faith: 00:53:20

there's highs and lows and it's okay to be in the middle.

Faith: 00:53:22

And when it comes to farming, being the second wife is hard,

Faith: 00:53:31

and it's okay to say it's hard.

Faith: 00:53:35

And navigating that has been very interesting, and I'm excited

Faith: 00:53:40

to see where my life takes me.

Faith: 00:53:42

But I'm also very much of a, you wanna die on that hill, you

Faith: 00:53:46

die on it because guess what?

Faith: 00:53:48

In 40 years, you're gonna be dead anyways.

Faith: 00:53:50

So the I'll have to cook a meal.

Faith: 00:53:53

Sorry.

Arlene: 00:53:56

That's how I

Caite: 00:53:56

always look at it.

Caite: 00:53:58

I'm sure too.

Caite: 00:53:59

I, uh, I clearly did not read this question in a way that Arlene meant

Caite: 00:54:04

it to be read, because it says, you know, how do you and your partner

Caite: 00:54:07

manage the adult relationships?

Caite: 00:54:08

And I was like, well, I mean, they have twins, Arlene, so I'm

Caite: 00:54:11

guessing they manage 'em just fine.

Caite: 00:54:14

Get a little, it's not what I meant, Katie.

Caite: 00:54:16

It's a little personal here.

Caite: 00:54:18

Um, but I'm sure too, it's gotta be a real challenge to, to marry.

Caite: 00:54:25

I mean, because the fucked up part about marrying into a farm when

Caite: 00:54:30

you're coming from outside is that you marry into a whole community.

Caite: 00:54:35

And when you're the second wife of somebody who married their high school

Caite: 00:54:40

sweetheart, and presumably you all still live in this little tiny place.

Caite: 00:54:45

Yep.

Caite: 00:54:46

How fucked up is that?

Arlene: 00:54:50

Cause you hear her voice.

Faith: 00:54:55

Um, yeah.

Arlene: 00:54:58

And that you're marrying into a business, which I'm sure we don't have

Arlene: 00:55:01

to remind you either, but, you know, the, the whole farm aspect, I'm sure

Arlene: 00:55:05

is a whole different dynamic that, you know, adds levels of, of complication

Faith: 00:55:10

to it as well.

Faith: 00:55:11

And I thought of farmers as like, this is gonna sound so city, but

Faith: 00:55:15

we all know that I'm, I'm that city girl, like on the tv, right?

Faith: 00:55:19

Like, you're a little farm, you're chugging away in your tractor.

Faith: 00:55:24

And now I'm like, oh yeah, you chug away on your tractor, but you also

Faith: 00:55:27

have a multibillion dollar piece of equipment and like all of these things

Faith: 00:55:33

and holy, you're not just a farm, eh?

Faith: 00:55:36

And he's like, oh yeah, I'm still a farmer.

Faith: 00:55:37

I'm like, you have employees honey, you're incorporated.

Faith: 00:55:42

You are a farm, but you're, you're a fa you're a big farm.

Faith: 00:55:46

And he's like, ah.

Faith: 00:55:46

You know, so when I came into the picture, um, I was met with

Faith: 00:55:52

a prenup and I was like, the fuck kind of bitch you think I am?

Faith: 00:55:59

And we were not gonna get engaged until that prenup was signed.

Faith: 00:56:04

And he, so we were together for five years before we got married.

Faith: 00:56:08

And it wasn't because of the prenup, it was because he was

Faith: 00:56:11

terrified about what would happen.

Faith: 00:56:13

Cuz he knew his parents had said, if you're gonna get engaged

Faith: 00:56:15

again, you need to have a prenup.

Faith: 00:56:17

And he was like, Faith's gonna kill me.

Faith: 00:56:19

She'd not gonna be happy with this, but like, I don't even

Faith: 00:56:22

wanna approach this subject.

Faith: 00:56:24

And I looked at him, I said, yeah, I'll sign it.

Faith: 00:56:27

And he went, what?

Faith: 00:56:29

He's like, are you fucking with me?

Faith: 00:56:31

You're fucking with me, right?

Faith: 00:56:32

Like, this is too easy.

Faith: 00:56:35

And I was like, yeah, I don't care.

Faith: 00:56:38

If we leave, I just ask that I get the clothes on my back

Faith: 00:56:41

and a vehicle to drive please.

Faith: 00:56:44

And that's it.

Faith: 00:56:46

And he was like, okay.

Faith: 00:56:48

And when it came to farming and blending a family, I asked my

Faith: 00:56:54

husband this question the other day.

Faith: 00:56:55

And you know what, it's funny you say that cuz he was like, are they mean sexually?

Faith: 00:56:59

Like do they wanna know how we keep it alive during

Caite: 00:57:02

harvest?

Caite: 00:57:02

I'm glad that wasn't just me cuz I was like, Arlene Christ.

Caite: 00:57:06

Like I, I know we get personal on this show, but I feel like that

Caite: 00:57:10

might be too far even for us.

Caite: 00:57:13

Even for me, Arlene is much more radio than I'm, I was

Arlene: 00:57:17

definitely talk.

Arlene: 00:57:19

About the grownups who are like the parents of all the children.

Arlene: 00:57:24

I'm glad it wasn't just not the interpersonal relation,

Arlene: 00:57:27

marriage relationships,

Faith: 00:57:30

the miracles.

Faith: 00:57:31

He definitely, he told me to lie because we don't do this.

Faith: 00:57:34

He's like, well tell everyone that, um, you know, those vibrators that you can

Faith: 00:57:39

control from your phone so that when you're in the tractor, you guys can

Faith: 00:57:41

still, I was like, honey, I don't think that's the question they're asking.

Faith: 00:57:46

I think they're asking of like, how do we deal with our emotional problems?

Faith: 00:57:49

He's like, no, that's exactly where this question is going.

Faith: 00:57:52

You gotta tell everyone, this is how great our sex life is, so everyone just follows.

Faith: 00:57:57

And I was like,

Caite: 00:57:58

like it's real wild, but in a normal, that's a whole other subscription

Arlene: 00:58:01

box.

Arlene: 00:58:01

I was like, wow, honey.

Faith: 00:58:03

Like, damn, I, I don't think that's where we're going, so I'm

Faith: 00:58:07

gonna have to tell about that.

Faith: 00:58:08

Is that in the Valentine's Day

Arlene: 00:58:09

subscription box?

Faith: 00:58:11

Right.

Caite: 00:58:13

It's a stress relief box right there, Arlene.

Caite: 00:58:16

Right.

Faith: 00:58:19

Um, and ironically enough, our twins were conceived in me.

Faith: 00:58:26

So like everyone swears up and down in a tractor and I'm like, no, actually

Faith: 00:58:31

it probably was a rain day you guys.

Faith: 00:58:33

And they're like, what do you mean?

Faith: 00:58:35

I'm like, there are rain days.

Faith: 00:58:38

And I'm, I, I'm not that person in a tractor yet.

Faith: 00:58:41

He's, he's, I don't know if this is a farmer thing, but he's like, we, we need

Faith: 00:58:45

to, in a, before I die, it has to happen.

Faith: 00:58:48

I'm like, why?

Faith: 00:58:50

Like why?

Caite: 00:58:53

Well, I mean, if there's room for seven of you in that

Caite: 00:58:55

combine, there's room for that.

Caite: 00:58:56

I mean, I'm just, I'm gonna go ahead and say it.

Caite: 00:58:59

It's clearly spacious.

Faith: 00:59:01

And he said, well, why do you think there's autopilot now?

Faith: 00:59:05

And I was like, really?

Faith: 00:59:05

That's why, like, and he's like, oh, honey.

Faith: 00:59:09

And I was like, oh, I thought all you farmers were like, this is why we create

Arlene: 00:59:12

autopilot in our combines and

Caite: 00:59:14

doctors.

Caite: 00:59:16

This is why you gotta move just on that.

Caite: 00:59:18

You gotta move to places where you have, uh, rows that are, you know, a

Caite: 00:59:22

couple miles long so you can really, yeah, you got short rows, you got.

Caite: 00:59:28

Oh my God, this is even for us.

Caite: 00:59:31

This is,

Arlene: 00:59:35

but all right, so we're gonna go back to the twin talk.

Arlene: 00:59:37

Moving.

Arlene: 00:59:38

Yeah.

Arlene: 00:59:38

Cause

Faith: 00:59:39

when comes adults, I don't think we deal with it a very well.

Faith: 00:59:43

We deal with it with humor.

Faith: 00:59:44

We deal with it knowing that this is the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of

Faith: 00:59:48

my life with, whether I like him today or I don't like him tomorrow, this is it.

Faith: 00:59:54

And for us, knowing that this is it, we just have to work on our shit.

Faith: 01:00:02

There's lots of times where he's like, I'm just gonna sweep it under the rug.

Faith: 01:00:05

And I'm like, sure, but just remember six months from now I'm pulling

Faith: 01:00:08

that fucker up and we're gonna look.

Faith: 01:00:10

And he's like, no.

Faith: 01:00:13

Or being your husband's, um, shield, like I am so an overbearing woman to him.

Faith: 01:00:22

And when it comes to, we're in the process of farm succession planning

Faith: 01:00:27

and with his ex-wife in court, I was always like, I gotta be your shield.

Faith: 01:00:32

I'm gonna defend you.

Faith: 01:00:33

I'm gonna be overpowering.

Faith: 01:00:34

And then he's like, are you listening to what I'm saying?

Faith: 01:00:37

I'm like, oh yeah, you have a voice.

Faith: 01:00:40

Oh yeah, I forgot about your, oh,

Arlene: 01:00:42

did you ask for me to do that?

Caite: 01:00:46

Like, oh, are you still here?

Faith: 01:00:48

Right.

Faith: 01:00:49

Oh no, I'm just defending you whether you like it or not.

Caite: 01:00:54

Right.

Faith: 01:00:57

So that would be my advice.

Faith: 01:00:58

When it comes to parenting, it's just knowing that you're

Faith: 01:01:00

gonna be there forever.

Faith: 01:01:02

And even if you're not, things happen and that's okay.

Faith: 01:01:05

But don't think about the end.

Faith: 01:01:07

Think about the middle.

Caite: 01:01:10

So Faith, I'm gonna add a question in here because I've, I feel

Caite: 01:01:14

like we know each other well enough now.

Caite: 01:01:16

Yeah, go ahead.

Caite: 01:01:17

And something that I've really struggled with is that if you're a

Caite: 01:01:23

person who prefers to look on the lighter side of things and to have fun,

Caite: 01:01:29

um, people don't take you seriously.

Caite: 01:01:33

Oh yeah.

Caite: 01:01:34

And I think especially in rural living, if you joke about things, if you dye your

Caite: 01:01:41

hair, funny colors, if you're wearing sea foam, green glasses, not that we're

Caite: 01:01:47

talking about anyone in particular, um, you know, if you are silly mm-hmm.

Caite: 01:01:55

People, there's such an assumption that you don't.

Caite: 01:02:01

Understand serious topics that you are not capable of being serious, that you

Caite: 01:02:06

can't possibly understand money or hard things or business or being an adult

Caite: 01:02:15

because you cannot wear I ironic t-shirts and be an adult at the same time.

Caite: 01:02:20

It's not possible.

Caite: 01:02:23

Mm-hmm.

Caite: 01:02:23

Um, I'm wondering what your experience has been like with this, because I know

Caite: 01:02:29

for myself, kind of the more I've embraced it, the easier it's been to just be like,

Caite: 01:02:33

people wanna under underestimate me.

Caite: 01:02:35

Fine.

Caite: 01:02:36

But it is such a fine line of like when to throw down with the fact that

Caite: 01:02:41

I am a fucking grownup, but also like I deal with a lot of hard shit and

Caite: 01:02:49

I prefer to deal with it by making fun of it, because otherwise it would

Caite: 01:02:53

just be really goddamn depressing.

Caite: 01:02:56

Um, So I'm wondering, I get the sense that you are perhaps same Zs

Caite: 01:03:02

office as in so many other ways.

Arlene: 01:03:05

Um,

Faith: 01:03:06

I think we're just like two of the same people just

Faith: 01:03:08

living not in the same town.

Caite: 01:03:13

Yeah.

Caite: 01:03:14

Um, it's probably just as well that we live so far apart because I have

Caite: 01:03:17

feeling that if we lived in the same town, it would probably implode.

Caite: 01:03:21

Like we would need bail money so fast.

Faith: 01:03:27

Um, yeah.

Faith: 01:03:28

So like for myself being a business owner now, um, I've

Faith: 01:03:32

had to change my own identity.

Faith: 01:03:34

Um, I was always a mom of five, always a mom of five.

Faith: 01:03:38

Well, you're a stay-at-home mom, you're a farmer's wife.

Faith: 01:03:40

And now I go, I own my own company.

Faith: 01:03:44

Oh.

Faith: 01:03:45

Is it like one of those MLMs?

Faith: 01:03:46

No, I own my own company.

Faith: 01:03:48

I come up with my own shit and I recently actually pitched my

Faith: 01:03:53

company to a panel of people.

Faith: 01:03:56

Got two mentors out of it, uh, more than two, like a handful.

Faith: 01:04:02

And, um, they looked at me and said, and I was like, you take me serious.

Faith: 01:04:09

And they were like, is this part of your pitch?

Faith: 01:04:12

Are you like, I was like, yeah, cuz I'm always the mom that can change the diaper.

Faith: 01:04:19

The mom that can tell you about feeding the mom that can this.

Faith: 01:04:22

And they're like, I see you as a business woman.

Faith: 01:04:25

So even in my own dynamic of family, a lot of my family still

Faith: 01:04:30

don't take my business serious.

Faith: 01:04:33

And I've just learned to say, you know what, watch what'll happen.

Faith: 01:04:37

My business has now been able to grow to the size that my twins are in daycare.

Faith: 01:04:42

That was never the plan.

Faith: 01:04:44

I, they were gonna be home with me until they were in grade one.

Faith: 01:04:48

Now I'm like, no, I can do this.

Faith: 01:04:51

Or when it comes to sexuality, I'm quite open and out in the rural community,

Faith: 01:04:56

they're like, we don't talk about that.

Faith: 01:05:00

And I'm like, why?

Faith: 01:05:02

Well, like why are we shy about it?

Faith: 01:05:04

It's a like, that's how kids are made.

Faith: 01:05:07

That's how people stay connected.

Faith: 01:05:10

And I am so grateful for my husband because there are so many times

Faith: 01:05:15

where he is blushing red or he is going, you know what, honey?

Faith: 01:05:19

Be you, I'm happy of you.

Faith: 01:05:22

I've got to talk to land owners of his land, renters.

Faith: 01:05:26

So he rents land from a lot of people that, some people, some women aren't

Faith: 01:05:31

even able to talk to them and they're like, faith, how do you talk to them?

Faith: 01:05:36

I'm like, I dunno.

Faith: 01:05:37

Cause it, the respect is given and taken and they're normal people and people

Faith: 01:05:45

are always like, I just don't get it.

Faith: 01:05:48

And it's, I struggled.

Faith: 01:05:49

There's many days where I'm like, maybe I should just be the farmer's wife.

Faith: 01:05:53

There would be less rumors, there'd be less talk, there would be less.

Faith: 01:05:57

And my husband looks and says, I don't think I'd be happy.

Faith: 01:06:00

And my kids, they always tell me, you know, mom, I can always tell when

Faith: 01:06:04

you're in the room, when you're in the school because you're snort of a laugh.

Faith: 01:06:09

You're loud and they enjoy it.

Faith: 01:06:13

So on the hard days, I let them be hard and I sit in the shower and I cry.

Faith: 01:06:21

But when I'm done, I put on my C foam glasses and I go, this is who I am.

Faith: 01:06:27

You're gonna take it or you're gonna leave it.

Faith: 01:06:29

And I wish I would've learned this lesson in high school.

Faith: 01:06:35

Why did I have to wait till I got closer to my thirties?

Faith: 01:06:38

Like that's bullshit.

Caite: 01:06:42

Caite: 01:06:43

That imposter syndrome and that having enough self-confidence to just tell

Caite: 01:06:48

people to fuck around and find out.

Caite: 01:06:50

I, you know, I'm on, I do a lot of community activity stuff and

Caite: 01:06:56

I am on our local daycare board and we had an older male member

Caite: 01:07:02

mansplaining the concept of salary to all of us, you know, little ladies.

Caite: 01:07:10

And I finally sent an email that started with respectfully and went downhill pretty

Caite: 01:07:15

sharply for, because I am 41 years old.

Caite: 01:07:21

I'm a grown ass adult.

Caite: 01:07:23

I work for Microsoft.

Caite: 01:07:24

I understand the concept of salary.

Caite: 01:07:27

Thank you.

Caite: 01:07:29

And you know, if you assume that I'm flighty and stupid because my

Caite: 01:07:34

hair is a funny color that's on you.

Caite: 01:07:38

Yeah.

Caite: 01:07:38

That has nothing to do with me.

Caite: 01:07:41

Mm-hmm.

Caite: 01:07:42

And that's.

Caite: 01:07:44

Being able to model that for my kids and for other adults because

Caite: 01:07:48

it gives other people permission to talk about hard things and to be

Caite: 01:07:52

who they are when somebody else has already just gone ahead and done it.

Caite: 01:07:57

Because I know, like we dealt with fertility problems and so many people

Caite: 01:08:01

are like, we had these problems too, but we just, we didn't talk about them.

Caite: 01:08:05

And I'm like, I did not cause these problems.

Caite: 01:08:08

This is not anything that I need to be ashamed of.

Caite: 01:08:12

I did not do anything wrong.

Caite: 01:08:14

Mm-hmm.

Caite: 01:08:15

You know, like I finally told the doctor one time, I was like, it's not like I

Caite: 01:08:20

was like doing coke off the back of a toilet in Vegas and it made me infertile,

Caite: 01:08:25

like, my body just doesn't work.

Caite: 01:08:29

Right.

Caite: 01:08:29

Like, what the fuck am I supposed to be ashamed about?

Caite: 01:08:32

And then, you know, like I ended up with gestational diabetes and

Caite: 01:08:36

I had people saying, well, you're so brave for admitting to it.

Caite: 01:08:39

And I'm like, To the fact that my body's too efficient.

Caite: 01:08:44

Caite: 01:08:47

what the fuck I've done?

Caite: 01:08:48

Shit, I should actually be ashamed of, I am only, I only have enough shame

Caite: 01:08:53

for the things I've actually done.

Caite: 01:08:55

Like, I'm not gonna bother being ashamed of all this shit.

Caite: 01:08:57

That's, yeah.

Caite: 01:08:58

Let, let's not

Arlene: 01:08:59

start adding shame to our bodies when they're just doing their thing.

Arlene: 01:09:03

Right.

Arlene: 01:09:04

And there's, there's a test that we all take to see if we have that right.

Arlene: 01:09:08

Like, so that means it's pretty, pretty common.

Arlene: 01:09:12

If, if they're testing every pregnant person, I would be Catholic, like to find

Arlene: 01:09:16

out if they have gestational diabetes.

Arlene: 01:09:17

That means lots of us have it.

Caite: 01:09:19

Yeah.

Caite: 01:09:19

You know, we have generations of shame.

Caite: 01:09:22

I don't need to be ashamed of shit.

Caite: 01:09:23

I didn't actually do.

Caite: 01:09:28

Yeah.

Caite: 01:09:28

Let,

Arlene: 01:09:28

let's make, let's not take on more anyway.

Arlene: 01:09:32

Yes.

Arlene: 01:09:32

Add this to

Caite: 01:09:32

the shame

Faith: 01:09:33

pile and I also.

Arlene: 01:09:37

Shame.

Arlene: 01:09:37

Imagine it's like the laundry mountain.

Arlene: 01:09:40

Yes.

Arlene: 01:09:40

But, and

Caite: 01:09:42

faith idea.

Caite: 01:09:43

You should make a like shame box.

Caite: 01:09:46

That should include a shame Bingo card.

Caite: 01:09:49

That would just be like, shit, you should probably be ashamed of.

Caite: 01:09:52

Yes.

Caite: 01:09:52

And just give us new ideas for new shit to be worried about or

Arlene: 01:09:58

cross out all the things that you don't need to be ashamed of.

Arlene: 01:10:01

Then we'll just, yeah.

Arlene: 01:10:02

Full

Faith: 01:10:02

board.

Faith: 01:10:03

Um, I also found owning that I'm a business owner.

Faith: 01:10:05

Yeah.

Faith: 01:10:06

Women don't like to lead with that.

Faith: 01:10:09

I'm a mom, I'm wife and a business owner.

Faith: 01:10:13

Well, it would've been six months ago.

Faith: 01:10:17

I'm a business owner and my business allows me to have

Faith: 01:10:21

my children home with me.

Faith: 01:10:22

Halftime.

Faith: 01:10:23

And people are like, what do you mean?

Faith: 01:10:24

It allows you, because I, I have a job that I've created and it's stab stability

Faith: 01:10:30

enough that I get to do what I want.

Faith: 01:10:34

And then it's, oh, it must be an aan.

Faith: 01:10:36

No, it's not.

Faith: 01:10:37

I came up with the ideas.

Faith: 01:10:39

I do all my own things.

Faith: 01:10:41

It is me a hundred percent.

Faith: 01:10:42

And I love when a sales guy comes out to pitch some idea to the farm

Faith: 01:10:47

and he goes, oh, you wife is here.

Faith: 01:10:50

How's cooking and cleaning?

Faith: 01:10:52

And I'm like, great.

Faith: 01:10:53

I create a whole business around it.

Faith: 01:10:54

Would you like to hear?

Faith: 01:10:56

And then they just kind of choke on their words.

Caite: 01:11:00

I feel like the one upside of the pandemic for me is that because

Caite: 01:11:05

it's unusual to work remotely out here, that it's become enough, more

Caite: 01:11:11

common that people don't assume that I work for some total scam anymore.

Caite: 01:11:16

Cause I still get people who are like, so you do sales calls?

Caite: 01:11:22

Like, no.

Caite: 01:11:25

Like, no.

Caite: 01:11:28

It's a, it's a real, it's a real thing, but.

Caite: 01:11:30

Yeah, it's

Arlene: 01:11:31

a, it's an actual joke.

Arlene: 01:11:33

I'm not selling Microsoft

Caite: 01:11:34

computers.

Caite: 01:11:35

Yeah, no, I, I'm not customer service.

Caite: 01:11:39

Right.

Caite: 01:11:40

I mean, God bless the fact that there are people who can do customer

Caite: 01:11:43

service and not like end anyone.

Caite: 01:11:47

But I am very incredibly lucky to not be in a customer facing role.

Caite: 01:11:53

Let's put it that way.

Caite: 01:11:54

Uhuh, it would be

Arlene: 01:11:56

much harder to record a podcast for one thing.

Arlene: 01:11:58

Oh God, yes.

Arlene: 01:12:02

So we are gonna loop back to some, a couple more parenting questions before

Arlene: 01:12:06

we get into our cussing and discussing.

Arlene: 01:12:07

Not that we haven't done enough cussing and discussing already.

Arlene: 01:12:10

Um, but what is your favorite thing about raising kids on the farm?

Faith: 01:12:17

Having their freedom?

Faith: 01:12:19

I don't have to worry.

Faith: 01:12:23

I just kind of giggled in my head.

Faith: 01:12:24

Sorry.

Faith: 01:12:25

I don't have to worry about someone coming and picking up my kids.

Faith: 01:12:28

I don't have to worry about.

Faith: 01:12:30

Strangers.

Faith: 01:12:32

Yes, they learn stranger danger, but I can let them go and play in

Faith: 01:12:35

my yard and I can do the dishes.

Faith: 01:12:38

And I enjoy that so much.

Faith: 01:12:40

And the reason I giggled in my head was because one of our farm renters had come

Faith: 01:12:45

to the house and my daughter was four and jumped in her his truck and they just

Arlene: 01:12:50

took off.

Faith: 01:12:52

And he called me, he's like, oh my God, I'm alone with your daughter.

Faith: 01:12:55

I apologize.

Faith: 01:12:56

And I was like, I trust you.

Faith: 01:12:59

But I was like, she just got in with you?

Faith: 01:13:01

And he's like, yeah, she was.

Faith: 01:13:03

I told her I was going over to the burn pill pile and she just was like, can I go?

Faith: 01:13:09

But just that freedom that they can just run and be silly and stupid and

Faith: 01:13:13

I don't have to manage micromanage them, is just a beautiful feeling.

Arlene: 01:13:18

Mm-hmm.

Arlene: 01:13:20

What's your biggest parenting challenge when it comes to farm life?

Arlene: 01:13:23

Specifically around having kids on the farm?

Arlene: 01:13:27

Because I mean, we all know there's lots of benefits, but I mean, we, we know

Arlene: 01:13:30

too that it's, it's a hard life too.

Faith: 01:13:33

Support, um, that support is crazy and not having as close-knit

Faith: 01:13:41

support systems, um, is, is challenging.

Faith: 01:13:46

Like now that we have three kids and ho three different hockey teams to

Faith: 01:13:49

run after, there's one that always kind of gets left to the sideline

Faith: 01:13:52

because we're only two of us.

Faith: 01:13:55

And, um, knowing that you wanna do it all and when you have five kiddos, there's one

Faith: 01:14:03

of you and sometimes the farm comes first.

Faith: 01:14:08

That was, that was definitely like a smack in the face.

Faith: 01:14:11

I was like, pardon me?

Faith: 01:14:13

You mean that your child is puking sick and you still have to go and seed?

Faith: 01:14:17

No, you can take the fucking time off cuz your child is puking sick.

Faith: 01:14:21

And it wasn't that case.

Faith: 01:14:22

It was, no, I need to do this right now.

Faith: 01:14:25

I can't come.

Faith: 01:14:28

Um, so those farming aspects, I, they were just kinda like, oh, well I never

Faith: 01:14:34

thought of those, I never thought those would even like, cross my path.

Faith: 01:14:38

And they have,

Arlene: 01:14:43

yeah.

Arlene: 01:14:43

That, that farm coming.

Arlene: 01:14:44

First thing is, it's a hard one, especially when you've got little kids and

Arlene: 01:14:49

you feel, you know, already overwhelmed.

Arlene: 01:14:53

And then the person who's supposed to be your partner is

Arlene: 01:14:55

like, well, good luck with that.

Arlene: 01:14:58

I've gotta go,

Faith: 01:14:59

I've gotta go.

Faith: 01:15:00

And my grandmother, uh, with, so my adopted grandparents when they

Faith: 01:15:06

were together, they were on a farm.

Faith: 01:15:08

So I'm gracious that I can call her and be like, oh, I fucking hate this.

Faith: 01:15:12

And she's like, just remember I live with an alcoholic farmer,

Faith: 01:15:18

so you have a sober one.

Faith: 01:15:20

Be happy.

Faith: 01:15:22

And I'm like, the fuck grandma, let me bitch.

Faith: 01:15:24

And she's like, I'll, but you need to keep

Arlene: 01:15:26

perspective

Caite: 01:15:31

I will say faith that we're more than 60 episodes in, and I

Caite: 01:15:37

don't think we've had a single person not say that the farm coming

Caite: 01:15:43

first wasn't a hard thing for them.

Caite: 01:15:45

Even all the folks who've had on, who grew up on farms, that this is

Caite: 01:15:49

what they've done their whole life.

Caite: 01:15:50

Every single one of them has said that this farm coming

Caite: 01:15:55

first is a fucking challenge.

Caite: 01:15:58

Which has been helpful to me because yeah, that's like the great unspoken

Caite: 01:16:05

guilt yet is, you know, How can you, how can you be angry about this?

Caite: 01:16:11

Right.

Caite: 01:16:12

And I think so much of it too is that people are like, well, the farm

Caite: 01:16:15

provides, like, I don't know what kinda money you people are making

Caite: 01:16:18

from the farm, but No, it doesn't.

Caite: 01:16:22

I know the Canadian farm economy's a little better than the American farm

Caite: 01:16:25

economy maybe, but there's a reason we both work full-time off farm and it's

Caite: 01:16:32

not because the farm pays so well.

Caite: 01:16:35

Yeah.

Caite: 01:16:35

You know, it's not that we just have nothing better to do.

Caite: 01:16:38

Um.

Caite: 01:16:38

Right.

Faith: 01:16:40

And anyway, I think, and I, I also like the guilt, my husband,

Faith: 01:16:46

because I am such a mental health person, I dig deep with him when

Faith: 01:16:50

he's like, okay, I'm done digging.

Faith: 01:16:52

Fuck up, fuck up.

Faith: 01:16:54

But knowing that he has shame, that he wants to be a farmer,

Faith: 01:17:01

this is what he was raised for.

Faith: 01:17:02

He's the first born son.

Faith: 01:17:04

This was bred into him.

Faith: 01:17:06

He feels shame when he has to say the farm comes first.

Faith: 01:17:12

I'm sorry.

Faith: 01:17:13

Like when the twins were first born, there was many times where

Faith: 01:17:16

he said the farm comes first.

Faith: 01:17:19

And I was devastated.

Faith: 01:17:22

I was like, I just need you now.

Faith: 01:17:24

And he's like, do you need me or do you want me?

Faith: 01:17:28

And I was like, I hate that fucking question.

Faith: 01:17:30

He knows now, like four years in, he doesn't even ask me it.

Faith: 01:17:34

I'll be like, I, he'll stop.

Faith: 01:17:37

And he'll be like, so do you.

Faith: 01:17:38

And I'm like, I'll fucking throat punch you.

Faith: 01:17:40

Don't say it, don't say it.

Faith: 01:17:42

Because there's lots of times where we want our farmer

Faith: 01:17:45

home but we don't need him.

Faith: 01:17:48

And just knowing that if it were to come and this is just with mine, if it were to

Faith: 01:17:54

come to life or death, he would be there.

Faith: 01:17:57

It would not be a question.

Faith: 01:17:59

But if I can mentally struggle through it on his off days,

Faith: 01:18:03

he will pick up the slack.

Faith: 01:18:05

And I'm gracious for that.

Faith: 01:18:07

But knowing the farm comes first was very difficult.

Faith: 01:18:11

Very difficult.

Faith: 01:18:12

And I don't think there's a way to get over it.

Faith: 01:18:15

Like I don't think there's like some magic maybe.

Faith: 01:18:18

Maybe we can create that.

Faith: 01:18:19

You guys a magic pill that just makes you okay with it.

Caite: 01:18:28

I'd love to know what it is.

Caite: 01:18:29

Because even for those of us, I think where we were actively farming, you

Caite: 01:18:35

know, before we met our husbands, with our husbands, whatever, that

Caite: 01:18:41

it's still the minute you add kids, it's just, you know, kids

Faith: 01:18:48

throws a whole wrench in the plan.

Faith: 01:18:49

They just throw wrenches, ev left, right, and center and you've gotta

Faith: 01:18:52

catch those wrenches or they're smacking you in the face, leaving big welts.

Caite: 01:18:59

Seriously.

Caite: 01:19:00

Having kids is like that scene in dodge ball.

Caite: 01:19:02

You know where the.

Caite: 01:19:04

The old coach dude is just chucking wrenches at people.

Caite: 01:19:06

That is a lot what it's like right there.

Caite: 01:19:09

Yeah.

Caite: 01:19:09

A hundred percent.

Caite: 01:19:10

A hundred percent.

Caite: 01:19:12

Yeah.

Caite: 01:19:12

So I mean,

Faith: 01:19:14

watch that movie.

Faith: 01:19:14

Cause don't understand why I keep, I'll be like, I'll throw a fucking

Faith: 01:19:18

wrench at you and you better dodge it.

Faith: 01:19:19

And they're like, what is wrong with you?

Faith: 01:19:22

I'm like, okay, we're watching

Caite: 01:19:23

the movie.

Caite: 01:19:24

I feel a little bad about how often I quote Super Troopers at my kids knowing

Caite: 01:19:29

how long it's gonna be before I will feel okay about letting them watch it.

Caite: 01:19:34

Cause even I am not gonna let a four year old watch that movie.

Caite: 01:19:38

Yeah.

Caite: 01:19:39

I mean, he totally wouldn't get any of the inappropriate content.

Caite: 01:19:43

No.

Caite: 01:19:45

Anyway, so we ask all of our guests, if you were going to dominate a category

Caite: 01:19:49

at county fair, what would it be?

Caite: 01:19:51

And categories can be real or made up.

Caite: 01:19:55

Okay.

Faith: 01:19:55

I I, I have to say, I think I would dominate it a hundred percent how

Faith: 01:19:59

to have a spicy sex life in the farm.

Caite: 01:20:03

I'm just,

Arlene: 01:20:06

but not

Arlene: 01:20:06

Caite: 01:20:06

the tractor, obviously.

Caite: 01:20:08

I'm just picturing what the,

Caite: 01:20:13

I'm just picturing, you know, you take your family to state

Caite: 01:20:15

fairers like butter cow jams and jellies, flowers, faith, sex talk.

Caite: 01:20:22

There's maybe a curtain or something.

Caite: 01:20:24

Yeah.

Caite: 01:20:26

Over 18,

Arlene: 01:20:27

only over 18.

Faith: 01:20:28

A big dark curtain that says, talk about maintain your farmer.

Faith: 01:20:33

Oh my gosh.

Faith: 01:20:35

It'll be

Caite: 01:20:35

in the, like, faith is behind this curtain.

Caite: 01:20:38

Would it be in like the, the sales building, you know, where they have

Caite: 01:20:41

like the weird gadgets and shit and there's like the cookware and Yeah.

Caite: 01:20:45

Right.

Caite: 01:20:45

Are like,

Arlene: 01:20:47

yeah.

Arlene: 01:20:47

She could have a, a double booth, like, you know, like the subscription box in the

Arlene: 01:20:51

front and then Yeah, the bottle content

Caite: 01:20:53

in the back.

Arlene: 01:20:56

Cause like that is a whole new answer.

Faith: 01:21:00

For us.

Faith: 01:21:00

Yes.

Faith: 01:21:00

You guys are just like, oh, I wasn't expecting that that,

Faith: 01:21:04

but that's definitely my booth.

Faith: 01:21:05

I would dominate that.

Faith: 01:21:10

We'll make you special ribbon.

Arlene: 01:21:12

Thank you.

Arlene: 01:21:17

So we will go ahead and move into our cussing and discussing segment.

Arlene: 01:21:20

As listeners.

Arlene: 01:21:21

You can leave your cussing and discussing entries for us and

Arlene: 01:21:24

we will play them on the show.

Arlene: 01:21:26

So go to the show notes to find our SpeakPipe or our email address where you

Arlene: 01:21:30

can either leave a voice memo or send us an email and we would read it out for you.

Arlene: 01:21:34

Katie, what are you cussing and discussing this week?

Caite: 01:21:38

My own guilt about shit.

Caite: 01:21:40

I am so sick of the guilt I bring on myself that like, if I'm gonna feel

Caite: 01:21:45

guilty about shit, I should at least give other people the pleasure of

Caite: 01:21:49

getting to think that I'm terrible about something before I feel bad about it.

Caite: 01:21:54

Because there's so many things that I'm like, Oh, I'm being

Caite: 01:21:57

so selfish for doing this.

Caite: 01:21:59

Everyone's gonna think that I'm so selfish or so self-centered.

Caite: 01:22:02

I'm like, if they think that they've never said it, I don't have any evidence

Caite: 01:22:07

that they actually even think that.

Caite: 01:22:09

And if they do think that that's on them, if it's something that I would never judge

Caite: 01:22:14

somebody else for doing, why do I think I am so special that I should be able to not

Caite: 01:22:23

ever get sick or take a vacation or have a hobby like I don't know, doing a podcast.

Caite: 01:22:29

That's just because I am a human and I can fucking do what I want because I'm

Caite: 01:22:35

a grown ass adult and realizing because here's of therapy, that perfectionism

Caite: 01:22:44

is a really self-centered thing about, you know, I am special enough

Caite: 01:22:50

that I should be able to be perfect.

Caite: 01:22:52

Not you guys because.

Caite: 01:22:55

You're not that we're actually mortals.

Caite: 01:22:57

Yes, I am special.

Caite: 01:23:01

Damn it.

Caite: 01:23:02

I should never need anything for myself because I am too good for that.

Caite: 01:23:12

Yeah, we're all done.

Caite: 01:23:13

That's what I'm cussing and discussing today.

Caite: 01:23:16

Fuck that lies.

Caite: 01:23:16

Got it.

Caite: 01:23:17

If somebody wants to judge me, they can go right ahead.

Caite: 01:23:20

I don't need to do it myself.

Caite: 01:23:22

Mm-hmm.

Caite: 01:23:23

Yeah,

Arlene: 01:23:23

because you're, yeah.

Arlene: 01:23:24

Like you said, you are the one who's actually judging yourself and most

Arlene: 01:23:28

likely one, nobody else is do it.

Caite: 01:23:29

Right, Arlene.

Caite: 01:23:32

Nobody else is gonna judge me harshly enough.

Caite: 01:23:34

Damn it.

Arlene: 01:23:35

Yeah.

Arlene: 01:23:36

Yeah.

Arlene: 01:23:36

They're going to, they're gonna let you

Caite: 01:23:37

off on, uh, some of your Yeah.

Caite: 01:23:38

What if they just let me get away with it?

Caite: 01:23:42

Yeah.

Caite: 01:23:43

Faith, what do you have to discuss and discuss today?

Faith: 01:23:46

Oh, I think mine would be empowerment.

Faith: 01:23:50

I hate that I don't empower myself enough.

Faith: 01:23:52

And like you said, like everyone lets me get away with shit.

Faith: 01:23:57

And I'm like, no, fucking kick me in the ass.

Faith: 01:23:59

Gimme some like not just you can do it.

Faith: 01:24:02

No faith, you fucking suck ass.

Faith: 01:24:04

Get your shit together, empower yourself and put yourself out there.

Faith: 01:24:09

Um, because it's ironic how much women, I find moms in particular,

Faith: 01:24:15

we don't empower ourselves.

Faith: 01:24:16

We'll empower every mom out there, but when it comes to ourselves, we're

Faith: 01:24:21

like, oh, sorry, you're tapped out now.

Faith: 01:24:24

Like socks just go cry in the corner.

Faith: 01:24:26

Okay.

Faith: 01:24:28

Figure it out.

Faith: 01:24:28

Bye.

Faith: 01:24:30

And I wish I could just be more empowering of myself.

Caite: 01:24:36

I do wonder what it would be like if we we're nodding again.

Caite: 01:24:39

Yeah.

Caite: 01:24:39

Yeah.

Caite: 01:24:40

If we talk to ourselves, the way that we talk to our friends and our children, but

Caite: 01:24:45

our daughters especially because is if I.

Caite: 01:24:52

Handled my own self-doubt the way I handled my six year old

Caite: 01:24:57

daughters life would be different cuz she's fucking beast mode 24 7.

Caite: 01:25:06

And you know it, yeah.

Caite: 01:25:13

If we talk to ourselves, the way we talk to the people we love

Caite: 01:25:17

things would be a lot different.

Caite: 01:25:18

Right.

Caite: 01:25:19

And why the fuck do we not love ourselves as much as we love other people?

Caite: 01:25:24

Right.

Caite: 01:25:26

Okay.

Caite: 01:25:26

Well, uh, if you need more therapy, you're gonna have to get it another time.

Caite: 01:25:35

Arlene, what do you have?

Caite: 01:25:36

Discuss, and discuss today?

Caite: 01:25:38

I was, I

Arlene: 01:25:38

was thinking the guilt too.

Arlene: 01:25:41

I mean like it's just like that circular, we're all going around it again.

Arlene: 01:25:46

But I mean, yeah, the things that I think I should feel guilty for and yet if I

Arlene: 01:25:51

really break them down, it's like, why?

Arlene: 01:25:54

Why do you think that that's a thing you need to do?

Arlene: 01:25:56

Or why do you think that's important and is it really important?

Arlene: 01:25:59

Or has this just been a story that you've been telling yourself like that this

Arlene: 01:26:03

is something you should feel bad for?

Arlene: 01:26:05

Is it really, do you care?

Arlene: 01:26:07

Is it a value for you?

Arlene: 01:26:09

You know, like really looking at what, what I'm telling myself I think I should

Arlene: 01:26:16

be guilty about, and whether or not those things are actually things that I,

Arlene: 01:26:20

I care about and need to put value on.

Arlene: 01:26:22

So yeah, guilt.

Arlene: 01:26:24

Guilt,

Caite: 01:26:24

guilt.

Caite: 01:26:25

I'm gonna say arlena.

Caite: 01:26:26

I think it's the fucking patriarchy.

Caite: 01:26:29

Cause if we took all the time and energy that we spend feeling bad about shit.

Caite: 01:26:35

And applied it towards a growth mindset of improvement and change and

Caite: 01:26:44

enjoyment of our lives and whatever the fuck else we could be doing.

Caite: 01:26:48

If we weren't spending all of our time and energy feeling bad about things that

Caite: 01:26:51

aren't actually our fault, um, the world could be a much better place and a lot

Caite: 01:26:59

more enjoyable, so, Hmm, absolutely.

Caite: 01:27:03

Back to smashing the patriarch.

Caite: 01:27:05

All right.

Caite: 01:27:07

Yes,

Arlene: 01:27:07

that'll be our task for tomorrow.

Arlene: 01:27:09

Yes.

Arlene: 01:27:10

Perfect.

Arlene: 01:27:10

So thank you so much Faith for joining us today.

Arlene: 01:27:14

It was so great meeting you and um, I'm sure you and Katie will be meeting

Arlene: 01:27:17

up somewhere halfway between Iowa and uh, Saskatchewan someday soon.

Arlene: 01:27:21

Um, but if people wanna connect with you online, if they're Canadian and want to

Arlene: 01:27:25

order from you, where should they go?

Faith: 01:27:28

Uh, stressed out Mamas on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook

Faith: 01:27:32

or stressed out mamas.ca.

Caite: 01:27:36

And is that Mama's with Twos?

Caite: 01:27:38

Thank you so much.

Caite: 01:27:38

Oh and two, mss.

Faith: 01:27:40

You know, I can ask that question a lot and I'm just

Faith: 01:27:43

gonna preference, I'm blonde, so think what a blonde would think.

Faith: 01:27:48

And it is stressed out how start M A M A.

Faith: 01:27:55

Because I am too blonde to think of how I would spell it.

Faith: 01:27:57

The other way

Caite: 01:28:01

works.

Caite: 01:28:01

I'm not even blonde.

Caite: 01:28:02

And that's the way I'd spell it too.

Caite: 01:28:03

Cause it just seems excessive to spell it the other way.

Caite: 01:28:07

Right.

Arlene: 01:28:08

I'd forget

Faith: 01:28:09

it all the time.

Faith: 01:28:10

So stressed out.

Faith: 01:28:11

M a m a.

Faith: 01:28:13

Nice, simple and sweet.

Arlene: 01:28:16

Perfect.

Arlene: 01:28:16

We'll include that in the show notes

Faith: 01:28:17

too.

Faith: 01:28:20

Well, it was great to meet you guys as well.

Faith: 01:28:21

Thank you so much for having me on.

Faith: 01:28:22

I enjoy it and I can't wait for everyone to hear about it.

Faith: 01:28:25

So much for coming

Caite: 01:28:26

on Faith.

Caite: 01:28:28

Thank you.

Caite: 01:28:29

All right.

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