Ep #122 — Building Community for Autism Moms with Sabrina Bonaparte of Monochromatic Mommies

Part of noseyAF's 31 Days of Black Business series 🖤

What do you do when you love your child fiercely, but no one around you understands what your life actually looks like now?

Sabrina Bonaparte built Monochromatic Mommies — a nonprofit supporting mothers of children with autism and special needs — after her son Aiden was diagnosed at age two and she realized there were plenty of resources for him, but almost none for her. What started as a Facebook post looking for other moms who understood has grown into a nonprofit spanning 15 states, with a recent grant to match.

What We Talk About

• How a Facebook group of 25 moms turned into a nonprofit, and the story behind the name — pulled straight from a dream and the surprising biology of flamingos
• Why "maternal wellness" looks completely different depending on each family's needs, and how Sabrina works to integrate rest into moms' lives in five-minute increments, not spa days
• The unexpected turn: Sabrina's own burnout story, including the panic attacks that led her to a psychiatrist, and how she's learned to set — and defend — real boundaries

If you love origin stories that don't skip the scary parts, this episode is for you.

All about Sabrina Bonaparte

We love Sabrina and you will too! She's a storyteller, creative visionary, and founder of Monochromatic Mommies, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting mothers raising children with autism and special needs. Her work centers on maternal wellness, healing through storytelling, and creating spaces for women to feel connected, empowered, and understood — turning her own experience with her son Aiden's diagnosis into a mission to make sure caregivers get care too.

Things We Mentioned

• Monochromatic Mommies — monochromaticmommies.com (free to join; donation and partnership info on the site)
• The Spectrum Story Series — Sabrina's storytelling initiative for moms to share their journeys (currently being moved to the blog section of the website)

Chapters

• 00:09 — Celebrating Black Business Month
• 02:08 — The Birth of Monochromatic Mommies
• 09:43 — Supporting Mothers in Need
• 15:27 — Establishing Boundaries and Community Support
• 19:31 — The Need for Community Support and Expansion
• 25:41 — Navigating Maternal Burnout
• 35:13 — The Importance of Storytelling in Motherhood
• 37:04 — Understanding Autism: Awareness and Diagnosis
• 44:29 — Navigating Sensory Needs and Early Development
• 46:14 — The Vision for Monochromatic Mommies

This series is supported by Off the Grid, a podcast for small business owners who want to leave social media without losing their clients. Find them at offthegrid.fun 🖤

Connect with Sabrina Bonaparte

• Website: monochromaticmommies.com
• IG: @monochromaticmommies

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Episode Credits

Produced, Hosted, and Edited by Stephanie Graham

Lyrics: Queen Lex

Instrumental: Freddie Bam Fam

Cover Art: Emma McGoldrick

Hey, friends.

Welcome.

And welcome back to noseyAF conversations about art, activism and social change. I'm your host and your friend Stephanie Graham.

And for the month of August, we are celebrating Black Business month with our 31 Days of Black business series, where all month long we are highlighting black entrepreneurs, creatives and business owners from across the country.

So today's guest is Sabrina Bonaparte, a founder of Monochromatic Mommies, a nonprofit supporting mothers of children with autism and other their special needs.

What began as her own search for community has grown into a space where moms can find support, resources, and people who truly understand their journey.

In our conversation, Sabrina and I talk about building community from the ground up, turning personal experience into purpose and what it means to care for the caregivers. If you're new here, welcome. I'm so happy you are here. If you're fans of Sabrina's and want to see what she's up to, I.

Am just so happy you are here.

I always start with my beloved theme song and then we'll jump right into today's conversation. Welcome to Nosy af.

Gotta get up, get up to the whole world. You will win a winner Vision of a star with a mission in the cause. What you doing, how you doing? What you're doing and who you are?

Flex yourself and press yourself Check yourself, don't wreck yourself if you know me then you know that I be knowing what's up. Hey, Stephanie Graham is nosy as.

Sabrina. Welcome to Nosy af.

Hey, thank you for having me.

I'm so excited, so excited too, to talk to you about monochromatic mommies, which I love in alliteration. Who doesn't?

Yes. Same.

Yeah. So I wanted to ask you first, like, how did you discover that there was a need for monochromatic mommies? Like, what gap were you finding?

So I feel like a lot of what we build in life is based off of what we need, in a sense. So Monochromatic Mommies, first off, is a nonprofit for autism and special needs moms.

So we kind of focus on taking care of, like, the mom and making sure that she's supported in all areas of life, physically, mentally, emotional, just whatever it may be, because there's a ton of services for our kids, but not so much to make sure that the well of the mom is, you know, where it needs to be to handle all the things. So my son Aiden was actually diagnosed at 2 years old with autism.

And through navigating that, I realized that there was a lot that I really couldn't share with my Friends who had neurotypical children. You know, the girls was definitely supportive, you know, saying all the things, but it was like, girl, you're not getting it.

Cause you're not living it.

Yeah.

So it started off really just looking for my people, like, my community, because I'm like, if I'm feeling these feelings of isolation and depression and all the things, then there's no way that I'm the only one. So it really just started with filling the gap of needing community.

And then throughout connecting with other moms and having those conversations, I realized that there were a ton of other gaps that needed to be filled.

When you first said, okay, I'm gonna do this, what did it look like? Was it. Was it like a Facebook post? Like, anybody else out here or, like, what. How did you start?

So it started with, I think, really it was a Facebook post just trying to think, like, who do I know? Like, who do I know that has, you know, autistic children?

Okay.

So it started with just identifying a couple of people that I knew or, like, friends of friends. And then from there, we kind of created, like, a Facebook group that was just, like, for support.

So if we had questions, navigating therapies, or just, like, just venting about, like, girl, I done had a day, and I just need somebody to talk to who, you know, really understands what it is I'm going through.

So about two years ago, it started as just a Facebook group of probably about 25 or so moms that was just, you know, willing to give words of encouragement. And it felt genuine. Not that it was that anybody else's words of encouragement didn't feel genuine.

Sure.

But it was the fact of knowing, like, you understand where I'm coming from because you're kind of walking this walk with me.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of people still in the group. 25 To start.

Mm.

Yeah.

Yep. 25.

And where does the name come from?

What is.

What does it represent?

So. So I had the idea of wanting to, like, start some type of support group for a. And I was just. I'm a woman of. It's gotta have a meaning. Like, what is.

You know, to the nitty gritty? Like, what does it mean? So it honestly came in a dream.

No way.

I was like, what does that even mean? You know, because you hear about it kind of, like, in the fashion world, where it's like, you know, the girlies dress in, like, monochromatic.

So it may be, like, different shades of pink, but it's still, like, all pink. So I Started kind of, you know, I'm like, a symbolism girly.

So, you know, started kind of looking into different stuff, and I was like, you know, monochromatic is, you know, the same or how can I say it? Monochromatic is one color but of different hues. And I kind of look at our motherhood experiences the same way.

So even though our kids share a similar diagnosis, they may be on the same level. We still have our own unique motherhood pathways because we all live different lives.

We have different backgrounds, we have different support systems. And then, ironically, I stumbled upon, like, a flamingo.

Okay.

A flamingo. And what I learned from that was when flamingos give birth, you know, they're already this beautiful, like, pink, vibrant color. Right.

Right.

When they give birth, they actually lose their color, and they turn to, like, more of, like, a whitish tone. And it's because they give so much of themselves to their young while they're trying to raise them.

And that just really stuck with me because at a certain time, I was deplet.

Wow.

Depleted. I had no pink in me. You know, I was hanging on by a thread.

Yeah.

So all of that together just kind of merged the idea of what monochromatic means in a motherhood sense.

So, you know, we sometimes we're bright pink, we feeling good, and then sometimes we a little pale pink, and we need somebody to help pour back into us so we can essentially, you know, gain our pink back.

Yes. Okay. Now, I can't lie. I'm probably gonna go on a rabbit hole of, like, looking for, like, pregnant flamingos.

Love a good rabbit hole.

Yes, I know. Like, one of the things that's with monochromatic mommies is maternal wellness. Mm.

Like, in the context of special needs parenting, what does this, like, look like in practice?

Right. So with some moms, it's a lot of moms that literally don't get a break. There are some, you know, span between autism, any type of special needs.

So we have some moms who have children with really medical complex disabilities. We have some cerebral palsy moms. We have some moms with other rare diseases. So that looks different for a lot of people.

And even just on the autism spectrum itself, because you may have some children who have, like, a lower need, and you may be able to trust them, you know, trust somebody like a babysitter or whoever to kind of navigate that. But as, you know, as the level kind of increases, it looks different. You know, some kids deal with behaviors, all the things.

Because every diagnosis in every child is different.

Yeah.

So the wellness piece of it is trying to figure out for the moms that don't actually get a break, who don't have respite services for people to come in and help them, to give them a breather. We try to figure out ways to integrate wellness into what their life currently looks like. So sometimes we'll partner with therapists.

We just had a talk with a mental health therapist that came in and just gave, you know, tips on what we could do. Because, you know, once you're in your own little world, it's like, I can't see an out.

Like, I, you know, I can't go to a spa day or I can't go get my nails done. But she really broke it down to explain that it doesn't necessarily have to be that, you know, it doesn't have to be a whole day.

It can be, you know, five minutes. Changes a lot when you're burnt out.

Okay. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Yeah. So I think it's just, you know, making sure. Bringing awareness that, you know, we do all of these things for our children.

We do all these things especially for the household and just making sure that we are reminded that it's important to take care of ourselves, that we do deserve rest, that we do deserve a break. It's not a privilege. Right.

Yeah.

It's something that is quite literally necessary to live, like, a good quality of life.

Yeah.

Because you can't thrive in burnout.

No, you can't.

One of the themes, maybe, that I keep getting pulled towards as I been doing this show is about, like, being a good neighbor and, like, being a good community member. What could that look like as a community member? To support another mother sometimes.

So we do a lot of stuff within monochromatic mommies that's virtual just because a lot of our moms, you know, sometimes they can't get out. Realistically, everybody doesn't have a partner or an extended family that can kind of step in.

So we do a lot of virtual things to try to still provide that exclusive feel to where it's like, girl, you can join us. We don't care if your baby hooping and hollering in the background. You know, that's what they make the mute button for, period.

Camera, if you want to be in your PJs and a bonnet.

But sometimes it's a conversation just, you know, holding space for them to talk about how they feel without them feeling, you know, guilty that they're dumping. Or sometimes it's, you know, dropping by a meal like, girl, you know, you may not be able to get out, but what's your favorite meal?

Like, what if you were to be able to go to a restaurant and order your favorite meal, what would it be? And I'll bring it to you.

Okay.

Or just a cup of coffee, you know, I like that. Just something I know in a.

There's a group of moms within our larger scale group and they have the most beautiful, kind of like community, supportive train. So there was one instance where a mom and her kid were sick and they just couldn't get out. I think dad was a truck driver of a sort.

And you know, they were just. She just couldn't do it, you know, do what she needed to do to get out and make sure they got what they needed as far as medicine and all the things.

And they literally organized like a kind of like a train situation.

So somebody would bring a meal or if she needed like medicine or something to be dropped off, they just came together and orchestrated these things to just provide like what she needed in that moment.

Yeah.

And I think a lot of it is having the strength to say, you know, I need some help, I need some relief.

Yeah.

Because we just, you know, I feel like as black women, we don't do that enough. Like we don't ask for help.

But just in general, especially in the special needs world, it's like either you don't know how to ask for help or you know that you need help, but you don't know what to ask for. So a lot of that starts with just having the conversation of, you know, getting them to open up a little bit and actually talk.

And then from there that's how you kind of start like identifying needs and figuring out like, you know, creative ways to be. Like, girl, we can figure out how to help you with that, you know?

Yeah, for sure. That's really, really generous and very community forward. As the founder of this organization, what's your self care like? Right.

Because even if you are in these conversations and you know, the moms, they aren't dumping, but I feel like you can get like these energies, you know, of like when people are just having like a tough time, like it can maybe come into your spirit. Like how do you. Or do you able to like protect yourself from taking that on?

Yeah. So I've had to learn for sure. I am a recovering, I don't wanna say people pleaser.

My aunt coined like a little insider term that we say that we are situational pleasers.

Okay.

So there's like a situation going on. It's like, okay, well, how can I fix it? Or how can I? But I really had to realize that, number one, I am not God. I can't fix everything.

If I had a billion million dollars, you know, I would just do everything that I can. But even in some circumstances, there are things that, you know, money can't fix.

Yeah.

A lot of it was really taking in that realization that I am just, just a puzzle piece, very vast, you know, ecosystem. And all I can do is show up to the best of my ability without overextending myself. Because I used to be the queen of crash and burn. Burnout.

Stop, repeat, do it again. And eventually, you know, as you get older, girl, that take a toll on you? Yeah, take the toll.

So what that looks like for me is I have an amazing husband. We actually live 19 hours away from home now, so we don't really have, like a for real support system here.

But he's really good at, you know, like, if he's going to the gym on the weekends, he'll take our son with him, and then I can just take a bath, read a book.

But I just try to tap into things that I'm a creative person, so I try to tap into things that will allow me to detach from, you know, the cycle of overthinking and trying to fix everything and, you know, just keeping certain things in a loop and just really pour myself into, like, something creative for myself or just reading a book. Just anything to give myself, like, that mental respite.

Yeah.

Cause I chronic overthinker here.

Yeah.

So just learning how to turn it off, you know?

Yeah, for sure. I. I totally relate to that. I was like, oh, can you, can you, like, get over overthinking? Is that possible?

No. I don't know. I don't know if it is. I think you just learn how to over time, compartmentalize it where it needs.

And I can transparently say that I am still very much working on that.

Sure.

But I am way better than I was 10 years ago. So kudos to me.

Kudos to you. That is. That's an amazing accomplishment.

I've been learning to, like, mind my business, you know, like when, like, people, like, make these, like, they tell you these situations, and I don't really know if they want me to solve it or not. I don't know if they're asking for that. I guess I could ask them, but I just have sort of been like, leave it alone.

If they need your help, they'll ask.

If they need your help, they'll ask and leave it at that, you know, and letting folks, I don't know if it's rude to say, fend for themselves, but just they got it. I don't know.

I don't think it's rude.

I think it's more so of establishing boundaries, and that's something that I really had to go to therapy to learn about, is like, girl, you gotta put up boundaries. And it's like a muscle. Like you really have to exercise those boundaries.

And then I think the pivotal turning point in that was realizing that just because I set boundaries doesn't mean that somebody's still not gonna come along and test the boundaries.

Yeah, that's true.

So the test for me is like, girl, you gotta stand your ground.

Like, if you said you wouldn't, you know, come, you know, talking to anybody after a certain time, then, you know, you have to treat it in a sense like a job. Like it will be there tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That is true. Cause I know sometimes I'll be like, I'm not answering my phone. Then like my parents call or whatever, but I'm like, I might answer.

And it's just my dad, like waiting for the pharmacy to open up. So he's just killing time too. It's like, oh my God, yes.

Literally.

Yeah. So if there's a mom who is like, wow, this sounds great, how can I be involved? What are the steps to joining?

Is it membership base or how does that work?

So everything that we do is absolutely free of charge. We don't, you know, we don't charge moms for any of the services that we do.

We recently started kind of orchestrating like some in person events where they can just come, they can get coffee, a little sweet treat, maybe do an activity, just something to, you know, unwind and just hopefully for a little bit, forget about like the responsibilities of the world and remember that, you know, before you had kids, like, you know, you did your own thing, you know. Yeah, but if you go to the website, you know, all over the place, there's like, apply here. Which I need to take that off because it's not applying.

It's just like, girl, just join.

Join.

Yeah, everything is free.

My gosh, I can't imagine being denied. Like, we read your application, like, denied.

No, you know, we don't deny anybody.

And even if it's like a dad, you know, it says monochromatic mommies, but sometimes realistically, like, you know, we have dads that are like, yo, there's really not a community out There for the dads, like, you know, I have a question. Are you able to give me some guidance? And then sometimes, you know, there's grandparents or aunties or just whoever.

So it says monochromatic mommies where we don't turn away anybody that needs help. But on the website you can go and fill out basically like a informational form.

It's just basic information and then you kind of let us know like what you need supports with or if you don't know there's an option to be like girl, I don't know, I just want. I just need to be in a room somewhere or in person.

Yeah, yeah.

And I try to, you know, make contact. It's definitely grown now to where I can't be as hands on as I want to be.

But if I see there's a specific need when somebody submits an inquiry like I do my best to follow up with them and be like, you know, let's figure out like what we can work out for your area.

Okay.

Yeah.

Is there like chapters?

So that's something that's kind of on the horizon.

Okay.

I'm originally from South Carolina and we currently live in New Mexico. So that's a huge. Wow. Yeah, a huge transition. So a lot of my moms are heavily based in South Carolina.

Even though we've spanned since officially incorporating in September of last year, we've spanned across 15 different states. But a lot of our like on the ground work is here in New Mexico because that's where we live now.

And then in South Carolina because that's where a bulk of you know, like the connections that I made prior to moving here. So chapters is definitely something that I have been toying with here recently. Just because number one, you can't do everything by yourself.

That's number one.

Number two is there's just, there seems to be more like an expanding awareness of need of in person community and you know, if I have the manpower or the ability to figure out how to do that, you know, that's something I definitely want to get into because you know, virtual is cool, but it's nothing like getting together and you know, just sharing resources, talking to one another and you know, just vibing, having time to vibe with moms that you didn't even know existed in your area.

Right.

Yeah.

It's such a great way to meet, make new friends and meet new neighbors and folks that can just add to your support system.

Exactly, exactly.

Did it sounds like vinochromatic mommies came as like not an accident but almost sort of like, from you, looking for community. And now here we are, you know, potential chapters and stuff. Like, what does that feel like?

It honestly feels very surreal. Mm.

I.

When I had the idea, I kept it on, like, my kitchen wall for a long time, and it was just, like, the name with a couple of ideas written down. And I kept it there for a very long time because I was like, I don't know if I have the capacity to, you know, really build this thing out. Right.

And a little bit of a backstory. Ironically, before I had my son, I was a case manager for disabilities and special needs.

Wow.

And before that, I was a case coordinator for children who had, like, medical complexities who may require, like, feeding pumps or G tubes or ostomies or ventilators, just all the things. So it's very, you know, God has a little bit of a sense of humor.

That's so wild.

Right.

So it felt very intimidating at first, but the more that I got into it and the more that I, you know, had conversations and encouraged other moms to share their stories, that's when I started realizing that there were definitely similarities in the gaps that we shared. But also because, again, our experience.

Experiences are, you know, totally different depending on, you know, who we are in life and what we're navigating. That there are a lot of moms who are, like, drowning in real time and don't have any type of relief or anyone to really.

You just talk to and kind of relate to. So to realize, like, where we are now from when it just started as an idea, like, a little over two years ago, is very surreal.

Yeah, it's so. It's so crazy, like, how things just sort of, like, how folks will just attach to stuff and things will just sort of start to grow like that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Very beautiful. Yeah, it is very beautiful.

And it's so generous of you, too, because, I mean, I can only imagine folks being like, oh, yeah, I'll sign up for this.

I need this, you know, and having, like, having the consistency and, like, I keep saying design, but, like, just thinking, like, the visual element of it all, like, just being so beautifully brought together and just, like, something jazzy for them to be a part of, which I love. Yeah. Who doesn't want to be a part of something jazzy, you know?

Right. A little razzle dazzle, you know? Exactly.

You know, if you could redesign one system that impacts mothers in the special needs world, what would you change first?

I really think the one thing that I would change is after a child gets a diagnosis, you get do this, do this, do this and do this, this, this, this, this. And it's all for the child.

But I feel like once a child receives a diagnosis, if there is a way to also integrate, hey, you know, you have to do all this stuff for your kid, you know, yada yada yada.

At the same time, like in a parallel sense introducing, hey, we understand that you are now about to take on all of these extra things on top of some moms work, you know, some moms have other children, but just providing them with some type of guide of ways that they can better, you know, take care of themselves. Like when you feel the stress coming on, like this is what you do or these are resources in your area.

So that's something that I am actively working on is you know, some of a lot of the places or hospitals that do these diagnostic testings and then when they do have the follow up for the parents and provide all these resources and then send them on their way, that we also take into account that caregiver burnout is real.

Yeah, your mental health is not well, you know, I mean you can obviously still take care of your child, but just think about how much better it could be if I'm still able to kind of take care of myself at the same time. So that when I'm at my best, I can continue to like be the best for my kid.

Because obviously if you're burned out like you operating at bare minimum cause the work don't stop now, you still gotta be a mama. Yeah, but it's, you know, it's levels to it.

When you found, when you found out that you were burnt out, how did you realize that it was actually burnout? Did somebody say something to you? Were you like, did you read like an Instagram post?

So I think, well, I have always transparently struggled with depression and anxiety.

Okay.

So I went on like a decade long just depressed, just like just bottomed out I believe was my norm for so long that I didn't know how to feel any differently. But I think as I, you know, life, you know, life goes on, you seek out all the healing things. Like you know, I went to therapy for a little bit.

You do, you know, you do the things that you know to do to try to get yourself together. So once I, you know, was at a, what I feel like is a decent point.

I, you know, met my husband, we had a kid and then you know, a year into like the maternal burnout thing, like the pregnancy tiredness, the pregnancy brain, the after you have a child, and you just get no sleep. And there's a, you know, a different level of, like, bottoming out. But in regards to the question that you asked, I think it was.

There was a time where I. It was like I was numb, but I cried a lot because not even, like, the sadness, really, of his diagnosis. It was just.

I was so burnt out between the EIs and this therapy and this therapy and navigating this.

And then, you know, you're doing all the research, trying to figure out, well, what can I do better or what, you know, what did I possibly do to, you know, make this happen or make this occur? Even though there's, you know, there's nothing that. Honestly, that we did.

But those are the thoughts that, you know, they just cycle through, and it just never stops and it never ends. So I think the breaking point was my anxiety just got, like, on a completely different level.

I hadn't had a panic attack in, like, a long time, and then I just started having the panic attacks, and I was like, I have to go to the doctor because I quite literally cannot function. And I have no other choice but to function because we have to do all of these appointments.

Like, we have a slam schedule, so I don't really have time to be, like, bottomed out right now.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, go time all the time. Yes.

It's like you just, like, you're just constantly vigilant, like, just going, going. Always aware. Like, you know, so ironically, it probably was like, you know, looking for other moms on Instagram too. Like. Like, this is.

This is burnout. Like, this is. Like, this is. I'm not the only one that's feeling this. But at the same time, like, this.

This shouldn't be, like, the baseline of my existence. There's gotta be a different way.

Yeah.

So I went and saw a psychiatrist and was like, girl, I need some help.

Yeah, well, it's good. You even had the, like, foresight to even think to do that, you know? Mm. Yeah. That's good. That's good.

I remember when I first had, like, a thought when I'm like, I'm burned out. I feel like a friend mentioned it to me, and then I looked it up and I'm like, you know what? This does sound. This sounds about right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, beyond the tired feeling. It's not like you're just tired. It's like you're.

I mean, I imagine that burnout feels different from everybody, but for me, it was just. There was no amount of Rest or napping or sleep, that would just bring me back up to, like, a functional level. Like, I just felt like a zombie.

I just mentally and emotionally depleted all the time.

And I was like, you know, I'm just, you know, I got extra, you know, transparently got very extra snappy with my kid, and it was just like, girl, what's going on? Like, we gotta figure out what's up.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing that.

Absolutely.

Are you feeling better today? Are you feeling you out of it, you think? Yeah.

Yes. Nowadays I definitely feel better.

You know, there's still, like, certain times, you know, like, you know, we've gotten past certain hurdles, but just. And Aiden is my first and only child, so that motherhood experience is all that I know. Yeah.

So of course, in motherhood, like, you know, when you get past a certain stage, then there's more hurdles at a different stage. So I try to give myself grace, you know, when we reach, you know, certain milestones.

Not being too hard on myself about, like, oh, he's behind or he's not, you know, progressing with his peer, because he has definitely taught me that he will do things on his own time when he is ready. And that's actually helped me with feeling like I have to have control over everything. It's like, girl, just.

Yeah, he's.

You know, you're doing what you need to do. You really gotta relinquish the rest and be like, they're. Tommy.

Yeah. You know, is monochromatic. Is it? Is it? How are you all funded if everything's free?

So we do a lot of fundraising. We get just a lot of donors. We recently got a big grant.

Wonderful. Congratulations.

When the. By the time this comes out, the details will be out, but.

But yeah, we recently got funding through a really big grant, and that was exciting because you always hear, especially in the nonprofit world, like, you know, you don't get, you know, the big funding and stuff within your first year. But I think a lot of it is just proving your track record that you're already doing the work.

A lot of, you know, the big donors or grants just want to see, like, what have you done? Yeah, just with what you have, with the tools that you have. What have you done? Do you have community backing?

So a lot of that is partnering with different organizations that have the same beliefs or just finding, like, parallel people who may kind of be in the same sector. They may not be doing the. Exactly, you know, the exact same thing that you're doing, but it may be something, like, related to brain health.

So we do have a partner or a sponsor, and their thing is brain health and all the things. But because so much of that ties into what we deal with as moms, you know, making sure that our brain health is good.

It also ties into, you know, what our children need, like, assessing, like, what's going on with their brains, how does it affect different behaviors? So because we have that, you know, alignment, and they believe in, you know, the work that we're doing.

You know, we get sponsorships and stuff through different organizations and businesses that way.

I love it.

So it's just, you know, it's really just believing in what you do, doing the most of what you can with what you have, the resources that you have, and just putting in the work.

Because once people see what you're doing and see that you're passionate about it, that it's not just, you know, something, you know, just an idea that it's like, oh, you know, yeah, something we.

Should do or a concept.

Yeah, it sounds about it. But really putting in the work and just transparency, I think that's a really.

A really big part of it, too, is just being transparent with people about what you're trying to build, about the hardships that you faced, or just sharing specifically for us, like, what moms are saying to me that they may not say aloud to others to just bring awareness of, you know, like, what real people are experiencing on an everyday basis.

Yeah. You know, if you could share just, like, about being transparent, just for, like, other business owners, aspiring business owners.

Cause I have heard this about the whole, like, sharing your journey and, like. But, you know, you might not want to look stupid. You know, your ex might see this. Like, you know, who you think you are. Oh, you got an organization.

You got an organization.

You know, it's like, you got your little business, right?

You got a little business now, you know, can you speak to that?

Cause I feel like when I hear you speak about this, it also makes me think, like, it's just like, now, do we have to be content creators with our business sharing about transparency only because it just. It's really nice to hear people share their stories, but it also just feels like another thing to do, to be transparent.

It does. And I'm gonna be very transparent with you. Yeah. I do not like social media.

Yeah.

If I could disappear from social media, like, for the rest of my days, I would love that.

Yeah.

I literally only keep it because of monochromatic mommies. I really could just do without it.

Yeah.

So that part of it does feel like A chore. I'm just gonna keep it a hundred.

I feel the same. I feel the same.

Feel like a chore. But I think what keeps me. What keeps me pressing forward with doing it is the more that I share, the more that people will become aware.

So I do a lot of that. I'm a writer at heart. So a lot of what I do and a little bit of what started. This is the Spectrum story series.

Okay.

So it's basically where I would have moms.

Either we could, like, schedule a call or, you know, there's like a questionnaire that you can fill out, and you just kind of tell me, like, about your motherhood. So it kind of took a little bit of it off of me. Constantly sharing. And then I also say that too, because Aiden and I are not the monolith.

Right, right. You know, our experiences started monochromatic mommies. But that is definitely not where it ends. So I don't ever want it to feel like it's about us.

I want it to feel like this is about the voices of the masses who may not have the platform to speak out. Or sometimes people just. They don't realize that they want to share until they see others sharing.

And I feel like with storytelling, it allows us the ability to see ourselves and the stories of others. And then it encourages you to be like, you know what, Let me. Yeah, let me share my story.

Or let me just, you know, let me share a little piece of, you know, what it looks like for us and what we're going through. Because I can relate to what she said or I can relate to, you know, what her kid is going through right now.

And sometimes when you read other people's stories, you know, it leads you to realize that you do know more than maybe you realize you do. So sometimes you're able to give advice to another mom that may help. And that makes you feel really good.

Yeah, I bet.

Because it's like, girl, I done been through that struggle. Let me tell you what worked for us. It may not work for you, but, you know, I feel like now I have something to offer that may help another mom.

Yeah.

I think the storytelling aspect of it really kicked everything off because a lot of moms start to see their stories inside the stories of others, and then it kind of creates like this will.

Yeah. Where do those stories live? That if people want to check em out?

So I'm currently redoing that section of the website, but it's under programming, because we have a couple of programs that we do, but that one Specifically, I want to make sure that it has its own, you know, platform, because before there was a website, before there was any of that, there were just like the story. So they're still listed on our social media.

Okay.

And it's kind of like a format. It kind of looks like a magazine situation.

Fun. It is fun.

Yeah. You know, formatted nicely with the pictures of them and their babies. And, you know, it just gives them a space to be vulnerable.

So I want to make sure that it has, like, a home where if people want to go back and see from the very beginning, you know, moms that have shared and stuff, because you just never know. Like, a story we did two years ago may resonate with a mom who just got a diagnosis, like, last week.

Yeah.

So make sure that those stories are accessible for those moms to read. So we're in the process of setting it up. I actually think it's gonna be on the blog section. Okay. But the blog section. Okay, cool.

So that, you know, so that they can go through and read and just see, like, sometimes it's just like, you don't wanna feel like you're alone in something. Not that you people to struggle with you, but just to know that you're not in the struggle alone. Personally alone.

Yeah. You know, speaking of diagnosis, I want to ask a question that came up in the hair salon. Yeah.

So there was a young lady in there who was wondering, you know, as she prepares for motherhood, she was thinking, she's like, you know, I'm later in age. She wondered if she might, like. And obviously none of us here are doctors.

Right, Right.

Only, you know, at this point, monochromatic mommies is the. Is the anchor for nosy afar.

But I think, you know, she's wondering, you know, as she's like, older, if she might be, you know, maybe more prone to having a special age child, autistic child, and just wondering, like, how she should maybe prepare herself for motherhood in the event that this. That this could happen. She was thinking, like, you know, I need to get my money up. Like, is this expensive?

You know, like, you know, which I thought was actually sort of smart. I did not think about that, you know, but she's just like, yeah, do I need to start saving now? You know, what do you think?

Any. Any. Anybody that's considering having kids start saving yesteryear. Okay.

Wow.

Because the price of everything is just insane right now. Right?

Yeah.

But of course, there's so many different. And I'm so glad that autism is getting like the. Like More like the awareness.

Yeah, it really seems like it's like. Like, it's like, popular topic to discuss, which is great. Bring awareness to.

Yeah, the awareness piece. So a lot of it is like, you know, trying to figure out, like, where it comes from. Right. And there's no, like, one starting point for it.

So for some folks, it may be genetic. So they do, like, a lot of genet testing. For some folks, it's just, I believe, you know, it just. DNA is crazy in a way that I just don't understand.

Yeah.

It may not be genetics. There.

There are some parents that I have heard of, you know, they go through the genetic testing and they are, you know, whatever outcomes they have for, like, mom and dad are nothing with what the child has.

Wow.

So I honestly feel like it's kind of like a wild card situation.

Yeah, it's like, like, girl, we can't help you.

Like.

Yeah.

It's like, you know. But I will say. Cause my older brother, he is autistic. He'll be 40 this year. So of course it looks way different than what it did then.

And then he was also not diagnosed until like 18 or 19.

Okay. Wow.

So it just looks way different.

I do appreciate that they can detect a lot of the things younger especially, because it does look different for different ethnicities and backgrounds. You know, early on, autism was just diagnosed like a. You know, it had a. I mean, I don't know how to say it was modeled by, like, little white boys.

Right.

So people of color or girls, you know, who may not have displayed, like, similar symptoms to that were kind of overlooked because they didn't know how else to measure it aside from, like, the standard that they had created. But in the idea of, like, cost and stuff, some of the therapies, the wait list, are insane.

Wow.

Like over a year or two. Exactly. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Or like, diagnosis. Or if you get the diagnosis now, you have to wait another year to get speech or ot.

So I think we waited for speech like over a year before we got speech services. And the alternative to that is pay out of pocket for maybe a practice that has a shorter wait list. But you gotta pay out of pocket.

So it's that or if your kid eats a certain safe food over and over and over. Like my kid, he can live by baked beans, oatmeal fruit and McDonald's french fries. He don't want nothing else.

Maybe the occasional pancake on the stick, but, you know, that's all that he wants. So, I mean, it kind of helped with the grocery Bill a little bit. Cause it's like I know what to get for him.

But you know, for some people it may be something else or just, you know, constantly buying things to meet whatever their sensory need may be. So it's just figuring out, you know, just trial and error.

It reminds me of when you're like for the black girlies, when you're on like a natural hair care journey. Right?

Yeah.

You're constantly buying like different products.

Yes.

And spending $10 billion trying to figure out like what works for your hair. And not to compare like our children to hair.

Obviously not.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

But it kind of reminds me of the same. So it's like trying to figure out what different things like helps him with his sensory need input.

So we, you know, bought things from weighted blankets to like, we have a trampoline in here now to, you know, going back to like the therapies. If therapies are not accessible to your area, like spending the extra gas.

Like some people drive hours and hours, like eight hours to go get second opinions or diagnoses or you know, just speaking beyond autism. When you have like a child with other medical complexities, like, like there's a lot that comes with it.

There are children who are in that in between stage of. They're not potty trained, but they're not yet old enough to receive like the pull ups and the diapers through insurance.

So it's just, there's so much that you really don't think about until you kind of start crossing into these barriers of like, you know, this is costing me a lot.

Yeah.

And then some of it too is which.

This was our situation when aiden was about 2 and I had finally got my nerve to like, you know, try to push, put him in daycare and stuff because I was kind of missing work. I was like burned out from constantly. It was just me and him all the time.

But then we ran into like, well, you know, we don't take autistic children at this daycare. So it eventually led to like, I can't work anymore because there's nowhere for me to put him.

Yeah.

So then there's the strain of being a one income household. And that's not easy for a lot of people, especially if you have more than one child. Right.

Yeah.

So it's just the list goes on. I could write a list.

Oh gosh. Yeah. It sounds like, does Aiden have a savings account if he wants to be a parent starting now.

Listen, he need to start something.

Okay.

I'm gonna tell him we need to swap out some of them. And he only eats the fries from McDonald's. But yes, sir, we need to swap out, buy some fries and then put the equivalent in savings.

And you think you want to have some kids in your own one day, homeboy. Cause you're expensive.

Okay, you know what? Even if just comparing, even though you really aren't comparing, so let's be clear about the natural hair journey.

It reminds me of, like, all the products that I have that's, like, left out. Do you have, like, toys and other, like, stimulating things that's like, that could come to, like, some type of, like, meetup, swap swap or whatever?

I don't know. Yes. It just made me think of that. Yeah.

Because it's like, you know, we have like a plethora of stuff that he's either outgrown or he really likes puzzles and stuff. So if he's mastered it a couple times, he' like, next, like, I need. I need something else that's gonna stimulate me.

Yeah.

And a part of that. I'm so glad you brought that up. One of our initiatives is early development for the kids.

So even though we're mom focused, we also do realize that taking care, making sure that moms are able to meet the needs of their children also is a huge part of them feeling, like, mentally to take some of the stress off. Right.

So something that we like to do is talk to moms about where their kids are or if they feel like they need, like, toys or something that can help them progress in different areas where it rather be like, fine motor things. So that's something that we definitely do. And he has a ton of stuff that it's like, dude, you just don't even need it no more.

You done put this puzzle together 700 times, and you do it so fast to where it's like, it's not even challenging.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's definitely something.

Or sometimes, you know, like, at the end of school years, like, if the school's going to a new curriculum, they'll just ditch everything or they'll just throw it away, or they'll be like, you know, somebody needs to come get it, or, you know, it's going in the trash.

So that happened, like, three weeks ago, and I went to a school just to see, like, what could I get to just give out to other parents who maybe just didn't have the transportation to get there. Yeah.

That's nice of you. This is such a generous business you have.

Yeah. Org. You know, I want a good gift back.

Yeah. Oh, My gosh, I really appreciate you talking with us today.

Last thing I just have for you is, like, what does success look like, you know, for monochromatic mommies, you think, in, like, five years, you know, and, like, how can we give back? I guess that's two questions. Like, I know you guys have that funding. Do you guys have individual donation as well?

Like, yeah, in five years. What I would really love to see are regional retreats. Ooh.

Okay.

Just tell a mom, like, girl, we want you to come for the weekend and we don't want you to do anything.

And ideally, if it's a situation where they don't feel comfortable leaving their child or don't have that support system that they can still bring them, and then we have the adequate childcare and the expertise to tend to the kid all day. And then maybe if mom wants them to come back at night, you know, bringing them back.

Yeah.

Or another idea that I have that I absolutely loved. I used to wish for this so badly when Aiden was young.

I was like, I literally want somebody just to come pick me up, like in a bus and just drive me around, give me some snacks and a fuzzy blanket and take me to the countryside so I can just. Just sit back and look and observe. Take a nap in peace. No tapping, no fingers up the nose.

Just, I want to nap, you know, and who don't like a good car nap, except for the people that get motion sickness? I don't know what you mean.

Yeah, no, they can come. That's a. They'll have to check out another program.

Yeah, we'll figure out something else.

But I really would absolutely love to start having, like, regional get togethers or if it's something where they even can't get to a retreat or a giveaway or something, sponsoring like a full spa day or something or whatever it may be. We do a lot of stuff. We pay, you know, we deliver grocery through Walmart, delivery to their front door. We've bought Pull ups. We have.

What else have we done? We mail out care packages with kind of like a spa, spa in a bag type situation.

We mail out letters, they're called love letters for mamas, where we just kind of have moms all submit inquiries, you know, into like a submission. And then I kind of go through them.

If I know a mom and I kind of know her situation and I see a note that would be good for her, then I, you know, make sure she gets that one. We keep all the addresses so there's no everybody getting each other pulling up.

Right don't pull up. Yeah,.

Yeah.

But just, just growing in a way that just continues to reach and bring awareness to realize that that while we are very grateful for all of the resources and the growing things that are happening for our babies, but also realizing that while it's growing, let's make sure we're growing the awareness of what caregiver burnout looks like and then ways that we can alleviate that. Sometimes it's tangible, you know, sometimes I mean, I had a mom that was like, girl, I literally just need like shampoo.

Like, how did I just, you know, just like the basic necessities.

Yeah.

So yeah, that's the goal is just to be like, girl, you need what? It'll be there in an hour, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, I love that. I love that so much. Oh.

As far as donations on our website, Our website is www.monochromaticmommies.com and on there there's a donation tab and you can do a one time donation or you can do like a reoccurring donation of whatever amount that you choose. We're grate even if it's just a dollar, you know, a dollar can buy a stamp to send the letter out. No donation is too small.

But if anything else, the biggest thing is always word of mouth, just sharing what we do. If there's an organization that would like to partner, we love a good partnership.

We love like co collaborating with events because honestly, I can't do everything and I can't be everywhere.

Yeah.

So we love a good partnership but word of mouth is really what has carried us thus far and just sharing the mission. And I love a good chitchat.

So if you ever want to get on a zoom call or Google Meet or whatever, definitely open to that to just, you know, have the dialogue and talk more about what we do and what we can do to continue supporting these mamas.

Hey, that's so awesome. Thank you so much for creating Monochromatic Mommy.

Absolutely. What a dream. Definitely been my pleasure.

That concludes another episode of nosy AF31 Days of Black Business. I'm your host and friend Stephanie Graham. I hope you took something away from today's conversation and had a good time hanging with us.

Be sure to check out the show notes to learn more about today's guest and consider supporting their work. You know how it goes. Whether you're making a purchase, hiring them, or simply spreading the word. Listen, who doesn't love over 40 furrow?

It truly all makes a difference.

Quick thank yous go out to Queen Lex and Freddie Bam bam for the nosy AF theme music and Emma McGorick who hooked me up with the COVID art and branding. Shout out to the partners and supporters for this series. You could check them out in the show notes as well. Super grateful for a partner. Hello.

That's the show Friends until tomorrow. Stay curious and take care. Bye.