You Are More Than You Realize with Tessa Lynn Alburn

In this episode we get curious about:

• Exploring the concept of "soul"
• The role of perspective in emotional grounding.
• Using physical touch, like placing a hand on the heart, for emotional regulation.
• The essence and challenges of being present in relationships.
• The pitfalls of the persistent need to be 'right.'
• Personal growth journeys and their impact on our lives.

To learn more about our guest:

Website: RealizedSoul.com

Podcast: Realized Soul with Tessa Alburn

FB: Realized Soul

Gift from Tessa: https://tessafreegift.com/

Recommended Book(s): Fragmented Self by Sandra Engerman

Credits

Audio Engineer: Sam Wittig

Music: Where the Light Is by Lemon Music Studio

Photography & Design: https://ashamclaughlin.wixsite.com/tejart

To learn more about Laurin Wittig and her work: https://HeartLightJoy.com

Copyright 2024 Laurin Wittig

Interview Episode with Tessa Alburn

Just let yourself imagine it because a brain is designed to imagine.

Laurin: Right, so.

Tessa: Right. And it can become very powerful when it, when we let it do that. And so we can imagine, you know, a beautiful grounding core going down into the heart of the earth. If we're sitting near a tree, we can imagine just connecting with the roots of that tree.

Laurin: Hi friends and welcome back to Curiously Wise. I'm Laurin Wittig, your host, and today I have Tessa Lynn Alburn with me and I, it's really interesting. She and I met a good time ago and, but it's taken us a while to, to.

Tesla and Albert is a certified life and business coach for women. With a background in healing and decades of experience leading live and virtual events, Tessa now helps women who are determined to express their true selves. She guides you to access your intuition, make better decisions, and live a content life.

Welcome to Curiously Wise, Tessa. A.

Tessa: Well, thank you Laurin. Thank you for having me today.

Laurin: I've been looking forward to this one.

Tessa: Me too.

Laurin: So your business is called Realized Soul, right?

Tessa: Yes. With a D realized

Laurin: realized

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. And we, we are constantly like re I find I'm constantly refocusing my business just, just a little here and there, but it brings up other ways to describe things. So I love this that you are working with women. That's something near and dear to my heart, and I love that you are working with the soul around the soul because that's something that.

I know a lot of people have a hard time defining or, or even understanding, you know, how, how is it separate from us? Is it part of us? You know, for me, I feel like it travels with me through lifetimes, you know past and future. But I think everybody's got a little bit different understanding of what a soul is.

So can we just start right there and, and give us your, the way you use it.

And so it's a little indefinable. And yet within that container of our soul, our various aspects and qualities and fragments and light Activations and possibility. And so it's sort of like the flavor. You know, if we went to a giant ice cream store of. Essence, we, we each have our own souls [00:04:00] and our own like specialness in there.

And yet we are still able to kind of come and go and connect with the, with everything that is because there is no like we we're so ingrained in linear thinking. But you know, we are all connected. And I do believe here as a human. It's valuable for us to be able to connect with what we think of as our soul because that gives us like a grounding here As a spiritual being, it gi it helps us understand our place.

It helps give us the beginning to our path that we're going to walk.

Laurin: Okay.

Tessa: Okay. Is that making some sense? All

Laurin: It does. It's you know, it's, it is for me, it's both. Almost a concrete idea, and at the same time, a totally, I don't know, fluffy idea. You

Tessa: Ether Fluffy. Yes.

Tessa: Yes. And I love that visual and something. That has actually been with me throughout my entire life. At various points, it's come to me in dreams or through shamanic journeying or whatever. Meditation. It's exactly that. It's the light within us. It's like that it's not even a flame, it's. It's just a light, it's, you know, it's there.

Laurin: Mm.

Tessa: It's a felt sense of Yeah. Wholeness.

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Tessa: Yeah. Right. So the, when we're in our soul, when we're connecting to our soul, there's a sense of belonging. There's a sense of knowing there, there's like this big alignment that happens in a moment and it's really beautiful.

Laurin: I feel like it's a snapping into focus.

Tessa: Mm, yes.

Tessa: Well, heck yes. I would agree with that

Laurin: the closer I've gotten to, to connecting with that essence of myself, the more I feel authentic, the more I feel em empowered, the more I feel light, both sort of physically light, but also that light shining out.

Tessa: Mm-hmm.

Laurin: So for somebody who's has not connected with that sense yet, what are some ways that they might start to realize that there really is this deeper thing or to, to connect with this deeper sense of self inside?

That. They feel like they're searching for something but they don't know what, and I think they're really just searching for the soul. And so if, if someone can start to believe that they have one, they don't have to know, understand it fully yet, just really recognizing I do have a soul and that's that matters that I have a soul matters and therefore I matter.

Therefore, I am.

Laurin: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Tessa: Yeah. That can start a whole journey.

Laurin: Yeah. And what a journey it can be.

Tessa: Yes, indeed.

All of these belief systems that have come from what either people have told us that we're not worthy of something or because something happened and we are still carrying it around. Even if we were two years old at the time and it was somebody took my candy bar, you know, it's, we carry all this stuff around with us in our heads and it plays in the subconscious a lot.

And so for me, meditating is a way to get quiet, but not everybody likes meditation. I don't know. How do, how do you get yourself quiet enough to connect with that interior?

So I just like to take that off the table and set aside an hour, maybe two, depending on what's in my heart, what it is I'm seeking or what it is. I might be even asking God or the universe. And at various points in my life, you know, even that framing has changed. So yes. But to go and listen to the wisdom of the plants and the trees and the a, the air, you know, and the intelligence that's all around, there's life.

Yeah. I remember a friend of mine, he was on the spectrum and we were playing music together because I'm a singer also. And so for fun we were doing some stuff and he plays piano and and we, we just stopped one day and we were talking about his experience being on the spectrum and he said, yeah, when I, what the, the main difference for him is when he looks out at the world, he. Sees and hears the crickets as like a blanket of energy. It's not like, oh, some crickets are making a sound. And then we go, oh, they're crickets. That's nice. But there's literally like this vibration of frequency and, and it has value. It has more value than just this pleasing sound. Or the crickets are doing this because they need to.

So I go out in nature and. I might just walk like I might need to get de-stress first, right? And self-regulate a little bit because oh, you know, whatever was is or what was going on in my life. I'm like, for, for years I used to just go out and be venti. Like I would vent, oh this is happening and blah. And then finally I would be able to regulate because I needed to process those emotions first, right?

If you have your eyesight, then use it. You know, look at things, not how you think they are, but how they are as much as you can. And to have some fun with that like, Really get macro, you know, you could look at a leaf like way up close and personal, like, oh my, look at that. There's a whole universe in there.

It's, it's always with you to various degrees.

Laurin: Yeah.

Tessa: That's an, that's another tack we could take.

Laurin: yes. One of the first things that I learned to do as I began to move into my spiritual path, into my spiritual gifts was I learned to talk to trees. They talk back to me, you know? Now it's not like I'm hearing you. Of course it's in my, in my mind, it's in my, you know, the interior hearing.

But they're hilarious. They have the most amazing sense of humor. You. I had a pine tree once tell me that those, those deciduous trees, they're just so lazy. They have to sleep the winter away. I'm out here all the time, you know,

Tessa: Oh, that is funny.

Laurin: cracked me up. So it's, it's nature for me is also very, very important. I live in a beautiful place.

Tessa: Mm.

Laurin: Some old growth.

Some of it's not as, not, it's not as old, it's only a couple hundred years old. But, you know, we have those big trees. We have these beautiful places that have been preserved by the, by our, the county I live in and getting, when I'm super stressed, which I'm not much anymore, but there was a time where I was super stressed and I would just go, I got to get in the woods.

And I got to where I go, yeah, fine, you keep it. I don't want it back, you know? So. Nature is so powerful. And I think our culture, at least in a lot of this country, not all of it, because there's some places where nature is really revered, but and enjoyed. But I grew up on the East coast and it's, you know, overpopulated and highways and this sort of stuff.

So the idea of getting out into nature is not second nature to most people that grew up in the kinds of areas that I did in the cities and things. And it's such a beautiful gift that's just waiting for us. To step into it.

Be with the birds and be with the shrubs and the trees. And. The, because there is life happening there, we just need to eliminate maybe a little bit more of the noise. So getting into a park is great. Walking, of course on, on a coastline, whether it's a river, a creek, you know, sit just sitting on the ground, right?

Like we used to sit on the ground and have picnics. What's happened to that hobby?

Tessa: Right. And yeah, and we're plugging in in a different way, but , we we're creating like a frenetic energy with all the additional electromagnetics and the amplifications of those. So one, I love the tree conversation because trees all, all, you know, they can be, they have so much wisdom and there's medicine entries and all of this.

But another thing that they can do for us is help ground us.

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Tessa: And I think grounding, it could be a step towards being able to hear one's soul. So literally just grounding one's energy and we can use our imaginations and I think some people like get confused there. Like, am I, I don't know if this is real or whatever.

Just let yourself imagine it because a brain is designed to imagine.

Laurin: Right, so.

It, we don't have to be sitting near the tree, but it's really nice

Laurin: Yeah,

Tessa: it's an added benefit.

Laurin: twofer.

Tessa: for sure.

Laurin: So when somebody comes to work with you, what sort of path do you take them on? And we didn't talk about that before we started, but

Tessa: no,

Laurin: where my curiosity is

Tessa: that's okay. I have a cycle of transformation. You know, that's going to include self-kindness, forgiveness, you like. There are definitely, I. Milestones along the path that are common to everybody that I work with. But it really begins with what's in the heart of this person? What is it that they're seeking?

They have a knowing maybe in that case that they, there's something deeper. And of course that all fits within what you and I know as the shamanic paradigm that disease comes from the spiritual aspects or a spiritual place first. Somebody else may be wanting to just understand their tuition better.

Laurin: That sense of safety. Yeah. I think a lot of us come in with that come in or have it created or, or reinforced in [00:22:00] this life that we're not safe. And I know for me, my voice was shut down for a long time because it didn't feel safe to speak. It didn't feel safe to be seen.

Tessa: Mm.

Laurin: And some of that was past life and some of that was growing up in a very dysfunctional family, you know?

But I think I reinforced it. So I had to learn that lesson this time. I had to, had to embrace it and heal it and let it go. And, and there's been quite a bit of soul retrieval work done, so it's yeah, that's,

Tessa: Well, that's actually how I got into all of all of this was I had been very sad, very depressed. I'd dealt with depression at various early stages of my life and, and then I, I think it was maybe in my early thirties. I was talking with someone on a real deep level because we were trying to make sense of the world, you know, and having all these kind of conversations but not really finding answers.

And when I read it I was like, bingo. That I know that's happened to me. And I just knew. I felt it. I knew it, and I thought if I'm really going to make progress, you know, therapy's great, but it's not getting me there and it's helping me be kinder to myself and it's helping me to give context to why I'm feeling the way I am.

Laurin: it seems like so many of us do this healing work, come to it because we had to do the work ourselves.

Tessa: Absolutely.

Laurin: And I know that it's always easier to teach what you've had, to really work to learn, you know, than those things that come intuitively or easy.

Tessa: Yes.

Laurin: all right. So yeah, so this idea of soul that we are more than, than the body that we are, more than maybe what we've been told we are is it's a, it's a pivotal aspect of the work that you do with people.

It's a pivotal aspect that I think that all of us who are doing healing work is really working on whether we do it. Directly, or, you know, indirectly. So.

There's an, it's calling it back in and then it, whatever parts are there right now, they're still with you. And it's creating the sensation and becoming aware of what it is to know that your soul is connected to you. So there's an experience of finding that, let's say, in your body. Okay. And this is [00:26:00] really hard stuff to talk about, but it's not that hard to do really.

It's much easier to do. It's just harder to talk about. You know, so we can do it through guided meditation and thinking certain ways because our brain is geared to think of things in, in a linear form, so we can use that to actually connect to our soul. We don't, our, our soul isn't in our brain, but we use the brain to get the experience of the soul in our body and in ourselves, and then whatever's going on in our life, whatever our life situation is, we can use that.

We can like tune into that sensation or that knowing. When we're making decisions, when we're deciding on projects, when we're going forward in the world, when we've got a conflict and we're like, shit, how do I deal with that? I just want to smack that person and, you know, send 'em home crying like they're never going to come around me again.

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Tessa: you know, that will live on that part of me, that's going to live on like that part of me.

How do I respond from that?

Laurin: Yeah.

Tessa: And so it's a beautiful journey that unfolds and like, you know, can be super simple like the foods we eat at making the decisions around those or making big career decisions or who do I marry? Like we, we, when we can listen to our soul and have that connection and that knowing it's so much easier.

Laurin: Oh yeah.

Tessa: Yeah. And happier.

Tessa: unlock that key. Yeah. And let it fill up. Right. And not be afraid of it. Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's there's a piece of there that I just want to add to that. For me, perspective has been a really important lesson because I get so lost in my emotions and projecting I, if I say that I'm going to get in trouble, or this is going to happen and it's going to be awful, and, and with the soul, there's still, for me, I need a perspective.

Sometimes I, because I react, To whatever it is, whatever the stimulus is the situation is. And it's an old story. And then I have to, I've learned to stop and go, okay. And I actually put my hands over my heart because that's sort of how I connect with it. And I go, okay, why am I reacting this way? How would I prefer to react?

Tessa: Yes.

Laurin: That's using the brain again as a tool, but it's also, it takes me out of the emotion. So it gives me a little perspective on, okay, I can, I can work from here, not from the crazy, you know, from the heart, not from the crazy

Tessa: Yes, and you know,

Laurin: in my head.

Tessa: I. The, the HeartMath Institute talks about this as congruence, right? And so I love, like a lot of people that I work with find putting their hands on their heart, very, very regulating. It's creating a congruency and, you know, the heart also like, has a special opening to the universe as well.

It wants to support us. And so it starts to regulate and it starts go, oh, I don't have to be stressed about that. Let's see what else is here. Oh, oh, I was hurting a little bit. Oh, okay. I just need to re Oh, that's releasing now. All right. What else is present?

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Tessa: What else is there?

Laurin: bringing that curiosity to, okay, that was a really interesting way that I reacted to that. I'm not sure that's the best thing for me. You know?

Tessa: Exactly.

Laurin: And inevitably when we do this work for ourselves, it ripples out to everybody around us and everything around us. So that's the other piece that I love, is that by doing this work on myself for over these past 10 years or more, I, I've changed and that's changed all my relationships.

Tessa: Yes, this is one of my favorite topics of all time is pre the topic of presence and. I am similar to you in that way. Like that's been part of my journey where I used to have to retreat or be afraid. Yeah, be on guard a lot because of, you know, my, my history. And so learning to be around people and actually be present was really hard.

I wanted to, and I learned adapting. I adapted and learned some behaviors that allowed me to do it, but I didn't. Feel safe. And I wasn't present to myself. Like I was just really, really observant and quiet and you know, paying attention.

Laurin: Sounds very familiar.

The cool thing is that there's something much more lovely that's available, but the paradigm that many people are living in is a catabolic one where, and the reason is because they're trying to protect themselves. And one of the ways we see it enacted a lot is by having to be right.

Laurin: Yes.

Tessa: Yeah, by having to be better than, you know, to dominate or to be right about stuff.

We're, we never can get free of it.

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. Been there,

Tessa: Everything's always a competition, right?

Laurin: Right, right. That need to be right is, is insidious

Tessa: Yes.

Laurin: it really does drive for me, per I, you know, personally, it, it drove me to always be defensive. You know, I always had to protect my position. I had to protect my experience and it's, it's fun for me because I've gotten very aware just in the last year or two of having a conversation with somebody, I, not agreeing with them, but instead of protecting my position, I get curious.

I can know I'm right and not have to prove it to anybody. There's all kinds of ways to, to come at that. But it's so peace invoking, I want to call it, for

Tessa: Yes. Well, you're probably, yeah, exactly. You're creating more connection in your relationships because there's not this edginess or, you know, one person needing to be perfect and get it right and the other person, you know, being like, yes, no, you are or you are not. Right. And we can't be connected from that place.

Laurin: Right.

And It would've just been entirely different. And yet of course there's value still in those relationships. Cause they helped get us where we

Laurin: Yes. Yeah.

Tessa: or another.

Laurin: Yeah. We learn from everything.

Tessa: Yes.

Laurin: I think that's a good place for us to leave it today. This is lovely conversation. I love talking about this stuff, so it's just, I love just everything about it. It makes me feel good to share. These journeys that you and I have been on,

Tessa: Hmm.

Laurin: With those who are listening, because everybody's got their own journey, but they, they can all be beautiful.

Every one of them can be beautiful. So, all right, I'm going to have, I have one last question for you, and that is, do you have a must read book you can recommend?

It's kind of like a little workbook. It's a story and they're like little things that you can do to support yourself and get started with listening

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. That's a good place to start listening to yourself, listening to the trees.

Tessa: Yes. Or the, you know, the beetle that crosses your walkway, that beetle might have something to say.

Laurin: Yep. You never know. If you don't listen, you'll never hear it.

Laurin: All right. Well, this has been really fun and I've learned a lot as I always do in these conversations, which is I, I love being a lifelong learner too, so that's always a plus for me.

Tell the listeners where they can find you.

Tessa: Yes. The easiest thing, the easiest way to find me is go to tessa free gift.com. Just go to tessa free gift.com and you can receive a gift from me. If you'd rather go more di like. You, you are the type of person that needs to have a lot more information. You can go to realized soul.com. I'm also on in Instagram as Tessa of Realized Soul and on Facebook, right?

Presently, I don't know how much longer, but I am there now You can look me, just look up my name. Tessa Auburn.

Tessa: Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it myself.

Laurin: And I hope, I hope you all out there will come back next week for another episode of Curiously Wise. In the meantime, stay curious

Thank you so much for joining us today on curiously wise If you enjoyed this episode, Please be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss future fabulous conversations. And if you had any ahas, please share them in a review on apple podcasts so we can continue to pay forward the unique wisdom we all have. If you want to know more about me or my intuitive energy healing practice Heartlight wellness.

I'm Laurin Wittig. Please join me again next week. For another episode of curiously wise, eyes from my heart to yours, may your life be filled with love, light joy, and of course, curiosity.