Dealing with family drama while planning your wedding? Learn how to keep controlling relatives in check—without turning your big day into a battleground.

In this episode of Now That I’m Engaged, How Do I Get Married?, we sit down with Dan Baker, banquet manager expert, to discuss the complexities of managing family dynamics during the wedding planning process.

Dan shares his valuable insights from years of experience in the wedding industry, offering advice on communication, setting boundaries, and the importance of involving the right professionals to keep the big day running smoothly. Co-hosts Kevin Dennis and August Yocher also dive into their personal wedding experiences, exploring the challenges couples often face with family involvement and expectations.

Show Highlights:

1. Dan’s Journey in the Wedding Industry – From serving staff to banquet manager, Dan shares how he fell in love with the industry and built a career in hospitality.
2. Common Family Challenges in Wedding Planning – Discussion on navigating family dynamics, including the stress of family members wanting control and the importance of assigning tasks to keep them involved.
3. Communication is Key – Tips on how clear communication with your spouse and family can alleviate potential conflicts during the wedding planning process.
4. The Role of Wedding Professionals – Dan highlights the importance of using professionals like banquet managers and coordinators to act as intermediaries, helping to manage family dynamics and reduce stress for the couple.
5. Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations – Why setting boundaries early in the planning process is crucial to avoid unnecessary conflicts and ensure a smooth wedding day.
6. Cultural and Family Traditions – The importance of honoring family traditions while balancing personal preferences, and how couples can incorporate traditions from different cultural backgrounds.

Subscribe to the podcast on YouTube and your favorite podcast platform. Have questions or a topic you’d like us to cover? Send them to podcast@fantasysound.com.

Get in Touch with Dan:

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Get in Touch with Kevin:

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Kevin Dennis (0:0.663)

Alright folks, welcome to our next episode and now that my knee. Let's take two. Yeah, take two Carrie. Alright, alright. Alright folks, keep it alright. Welcome to another episode and now that I'm engaged, how do I get married? So we have our amazing guest with us today. Dan Baker, who is banquet captain extraordinaire manager.

August Yocher (0:5.496)

Whoa.

Dan Baker (0:8.750)

Take two.

August Yocher (0:10.072)

No, keep it, keep it!

Dan Baker (0:12.665)

Hahaha

August Yocher (0:25.709)

Manager.

Dan Baker (0:26.484)

manager, all the hats, yeah, everything that comes with it.

Kevin Dennis (0:29.145)

All the hats. We're gonna find out. Yeah, we're gonna have him give us a little bio and we also have our wonderful co -host August with us today. So thank you for being here. So, all right. So we're gonna be talking about family dynamics and that's what this whole episode is about. So, and I think it's something that happens during the wedding that sneaks up on the couples when they're planning. It is all the little family dynamics that fall into place and they didn't know that was gonna happen.

August Yocher (0:36.355)

What's up everybody? Hello?

Kevin Dennis (0:59.097)

and it's a lot for them to navigate. before we jump into our episode, Dan, tell us a little bit about Dan and how did we get here? Or how did we get Dan up to this point?

Dan Baker (1:9.601)

Oh well.

Um, well, I was born in... no, I'm just kidding.

August Yocher (1:16.405)

I knew you were going to do that. I knew it.

Dan Baker (1:19.790)

And I really just fell in love with them. Uh, not just the aspect of service, but, um, the people that I worked with, um, I've had other jobs here and there where there can be a lot of, uh, uh, just challenging dynamics with getting along with people, seeing eye to eye, but, our aligned goal and just providing the like top tier hospitality for our guests, for any event really, I think keeps the focus and encourages us to, you know, really get along and.

Kevin Dennis (2:27.461)

Don't worry. We're in the wedding industry. Math is not supposed to be good in the wedding industry.

August Yocher (2:32.245)

said that so many times, like the reason I'm here is because I was not good at math in college, so...

Dan Baker (2:33.262)

That's true, yeah.

Dan Baker (2:37.454)

Kevin Dennis (2:37.563)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (2:58.649)

Yeah, well, then you're one of the best to work with. all right. Yeah, you're one of our favorites. So we're going to dive in August. I'm going to let you start.

Dan Baker (3:3.402)

I appreciate that.

Dan Baker (3:8.407)

You guys too, for me.

August Yocher (3:11.277)

All right, well, thank you, Dan. So yeah, we're really excited to talk about this topic today. And I know that it may seem a bit taboo or just maybe not a topic that a lot of people like to dive deeper into. But I do think it's important for couples to hear because whether you like it or not, I think that all couples experience this issue either in small ways or big ways, because at the end of the day, not everyone is going to have the same opinion.

or get along. I think first we'll just talk about some common challenges that we do see couples face a lot or at least that we've witnessed. And Dan and Kevin, if you're comfortable, I am not a married woman yet, but I know you guys both are. So if there were ever any challenges that you experienced planning your own wedding or that you've seen with our couples throughout the years.

But yeah, I think we'll just talk about some common challenges. I'd like to ask you guys some questions too. But first, what are some common challenges that you've guys seen couples face when they're planning and trying to navigate those family dynamics?

Dan Baker (4:25.506)

Well, Kevin, do you want to start or shall I?

Kevin Dennis (4:27.855)

No, go for it. Go for it, Dan. You're our guest.

August Yocher (4:28.356)

Yeah.

Dan Baker (4:30.230)

Okay. Um, so, uh, from my managerial experience, uh, outside of my personal wedding experience, I would say the one that is most common is, um, navigating, um, which one of your family members, um, and sometimes it can be a lot. Sometimes it can be a little, but, uh, which one of them, uh, in a sense, not really needs, but, uh, is looking for, uh, some aspect of.

how to help out and also kind of be in charge or control of. And when that's not properly communicated, you tend to get a lot of people asking a lot of questions. The trust isn't really there and it just causes unnecessary stress. So I think identifying that on the front end, you know, seeing who within your family may want to help or be assigned to something. And honestly, it's a good idea too, because it does make people feel a little bit more elevated, more important or something like that. And you get some good help with it.

August Yocher (5:2.083)

Mm -hmm.

Dan Baker (5:28.690)

Um, that, also, uh, with our industry too, and, uh, personally with, with our company, uh, we have really top -notch event coordinators, um, that can, uh, receive and, uh, be kind of like a, um, uh, like a conduit. Yeah. Middleman exactly for, uh, any sort of instance that may come up during the event and to help navigate those and, to keep the stress, especially off of the Brighton room for that.

August Yocher (5:46.147)

Like a middle man. Yeah.

August Yocher (5:58.531)

Yeah, that's so true. I honestly just brought that up to Kevin before we hopped on the pod today. back when I was coordinating, that was one thing that I always gave the couple the option of doing was, I never want you to feel like any type of way on your wedding day. I want you to feel happy. So if there's any point where you need me to be the bad guy, I can be the bad guy for you. And honestly,

I think that is a tip that we can give our couples today is know when to utilize the professional help. When can you use a banquet manager? When can you use a coordinator to help you navigate those really tough situations and conflicts so that way you don't have to get deeper into that and just have a bad taste in your mouth on your wedding day.

Dan Baker (6:43.480)

Yeah, totally.

And then for me personally, for my wedding, it's almost 10 years ago. So forgive my memory. We were, my wife and I, definitely on a budget. And we, we really wanted to make sure that the things that were most important to us, like photos, our bridal party members, all that stuff was really dialed in and very detailed on the front end.

Um, and other stuff we just kind of, we almost kind of just had running lists of what was most important to us and what we could compromise and not be upset if things were slightly change or altered. So I think it's good to have something of that nature too. So you're not surprised by anything and also not upset if there's certain changes or something that appeal more to others than they do to any other people.

Kevin Dennis (7:39.557)

Yeah, I was thinking back to my wedding and one of the things is just like who people wanted to invite to the wedding at one point and just like don't just let them invite them. You know, at one point it was I didn't want to die on the hill for that. But then it was like when when these you know, my family member or you know, my parents or whoever invited these people to the wedding and then they would did an RCP is like, come on, you know that that yeah, that was

August Yocher (8:4.781)

Oh.

Dan Baker (8:5.464)

Mm.

Kevin Dennis (8:6.989)

It's like, you know, so getting them to, you know, like, Hey, call your friend and see if they're coming or not, that kind of thing. And then the other thing that was really, really fun and hard is the doing the table layout, like where everyone was going to sit. Cause that, that, that, that made, you know, that, cause my mom wanted people here and my mom didn't want to sit next to that group of people. It was just like, Oh my God. It was.

August Yocher (8:21.187)

Yeah.

Dan Baker (8:22.680)

Mmm.

August Yocher (8:32.109)

guess kind of with what Dan was saying, like, was the seating arrangements like something you could compromise on? Like, did it really mean a lot to you to have people in certain spots?

Kevin Dennis (8:43.346)

No, I just wanted my family close, you know, like in those first couple tables because we did a sweetheart table, but then it was like, at one point, you know, it was just like, it wasn't important, but it was more of a stress. I guess the best way to look at it. Yeah. So the worst part, I'll never forget it.

August Yocher (8:45.647)

Mm

August Yocher (8:57.144)

Uh, yeah.

August Yocher (9:3.171)

Yeah. And Dan, do you feel like on your wedding day that, you know, the things that you made a larger priority, do you felt like you had to compromise on those things or was your family pretty respectful with you and your wife's wishes?

Dan Baker (9:19.564)

Yeah, I feel we were very fortunate. both of our families are pretty laid back and, uh, we all have a nature of kind of just going with the flow for things. Uh, so, uh, my wife and I were very able to, uh, kind of pick and choose exactly how we wanted our day to go. And it went pretty much like that. We also, uh, we're very fortunate and blessed to have, um, a lot of our family members, uh, just kind of jump in and assist with, uh, virtually everything from the setup to the tear down and.

August Yocher (9:24.313)

Mm

Dan Baker (9:49.130)

That's one point I really want to make in the stress for any couples looking to get married is utilize your friends, your families to make sure that on your day that it is very much your day. It's likely going to be one of the few days in probably our lifetimes that we have the ability to really be the kings and queens of that day and not stress about anything. Literally not lift a finger to do any work, but just have everyone else take care of it. So it's definitely important to have that because it feels fantastic.

August Yocher (10:8.426)

VIP.

Oh yeah, I it was so special. Well, and one thing I kind of want to dive deeper into, because I really want couples to be able to use this podcast as a tool if they are experiencing that type of family dynamic in their own wedding planning, is Dan, you were kind of talking about giving those certain family members kind of a job to have or giving them some type of task so that way they feel that importance and they feel that they're involved.

It is, yeah.

What are some things that you guys have seen are easy tasks to give? Because one thing that I always mentioned to couples in the past is I always felt that signing the marriage license was always a very important like, oh, wow, I get to sign that. So kind of giving that to maybe those family members. mean, I know sometimes you see like the maid of honor or the best man, but maybe it is that one aunt that's just kind of getting in the middle of everything I think is signing something like that gives them that sense of importance.

But what else have you guys seen to try and help these couples with those situations?

Busy work is always I think is a good thing to sometimes keep especially if you have someone that's really Hard, know, like so something with the setup organizing something, you know or even I I just had a couple recently that assigned it to a mom because they were you know, like I was telling you about the Table layout she the bride goes. I don't care what people said at my wedding I just want people at my wedding so they So she let the mom the mom was really into it

Mm

Mm

Mm.

Give her something to do, you know, and that's one less thing I have to do. So I always say busy work, something that keeps them busy and then gives them the sense of importance, but also something that you're going to be okay with them making the decisions on. That's the other thing you got to remember.

August Yocher (12:7.545)

Yeah.

Yeah, what about you, Dan?

Yeah, no, I totally agree. Totally agree with that. Any sort of busy work that comes up, even stuff that could potentially add stress to the bride and groom in particular that they'd be willing to relinquish to somebody. Even like on the day of stuff, just putting them in charge of increments. Like we see a lot of money dances or things of that nature where they need help collecting or like card collection, being in charge of gifts.

all very important stuff and it's all definitely something that trustworthy family members can be a great asset for.

Yeah. Well, like even during the ceremony, like passing out, if you make a program, you know, passing out that that kind of thing, you know, instead of having them all on a table when the people walk in, have someone there that, you know, that that gives someone that sense of importance as well. And if like I just had a wedding recently where they were throwing rose petals after, you know, the couple, as they walked down the aisle, you know, have someone passing that out, you know, just again, busy work to keep them busy. You know, it's something that could be done by a coordinator, but

Hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Dan Baker (13:6.990)

Hmm.

you know, give it to a family member and keep them busy.

Yeah, I even, I even for my ceremony had family friends be ushers, you know, helping guide people to their seats and stuff. was, was fun. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I see that a lot, honestly. Yeah. I think you'd be surprised about how much busy work there is. Like, there's a lot of things you can find for people to do.

Oh yeah.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

And that goes back to another point that we made is, you know, the reaching out to the professionals that you hire for that, to be in charge of that stuff and to just know that they have it covered. It really matters who you choose with that. Not to do like a shameless plug for our industry, but I know that we provide very top tier service for that. And it's a dedication that we extremely care about.

Do it.

Dan Baker (14:0.652)

So it's important to make sure that you have the right vendors to appropriately navigate those things for you.

Kevin Dennis (14:6.993)

Well, and the other thing too is it's having that conversation with your spouse or your fiance that who is going to be in charge on the day of the wedding. that's also, know, so as a professional, we need to know who's the boss. You know, so we don't have 15 bosses. We need just a boss, you know, like in the person that's kind of the clearinghouse. So having that established ahead of time, I think is a good idea as well.

Mm -hmm.

because that's where some of the, yeah, especially on the day of, that's where a lot of the stress is, is a parent or an aunt or a sister goes rogue. It starts making decisions.

Yeah, most definitely.

That definitely makes it easier for the coordinator too. Cause like you said, if there are, you know, 15 bosses, it's like, who do they know whose direction to follow, you know? And maybe there is that aunt who's kind of putting their opinions in there that you don't want. Like who are you really trusting to be your point of contact that they have and make decisions that are best for you and your spouse.

Dan Baker (15:5.420)

Mm

Well, or you'll get the bridesmaid that just recently got married and you'll hear this and you'll hear this a lot at my wedding at my wedding at my wedding. Well, this isn't your wedding. This is their wedding. I'm not at first I when that would come up, I'm like, oh God, how are we going to handle it? And then I got to the point where I'm like, well, that was great. But this is their wedding and this is what we're doing today. You know, and that and that's kind of the direction I would take it. And then

Oh my god, yeah.

You

Oh yeah.

Mm

Seems to keep them, you know kind of okay. They understand that you know, it's that couple's wedding not her wedding. So yeah

I mean, and I'm sure you guys have both kind of felt this way, but as a vendor, as a creative partner, you kind of feel the need to be a referee almost in those types of situations. So like Dan said, it is very important about who you choose to be on your team the day of because ultimately they can make or break those situations and it really needs to be someone that you trust.

Mm -hm. I agree.

Absolutely.

Well, I think I have some more questions I want to ask you guys if you're okay with that, but just kind of getting into your experience more specifically in dynamics, but kind of a question more for you, Dan, but in what ways do you think someone in your role as a banquet manager or a wedding planner can help keep family dynamics in check during the planning process or the wedding day?

So do it.

So I would say like any good relationship, it does require a lot of communication. Previous point we brought up about, shoot, lost my train of thought. Sorry. Let's see, backtracking, sorry. Yeah, me recess.

That's OK.

That's okay. Carrie!

August Yocher (17:3.075)

You can take a minute.

Kevin Dennis (17:4.783)

Well, you want to ask the question again, would it be helpful?

August Yocher (17:8.471)

Yeah, yeah. So in what ways can someone in your role, so a banquet manager or a wedding planner, help keep those family dynamics in check during the planning or on the big day itself?

Yeah. So as we mentioned before, um, being kind of that point person and also with good clear communication, I think is super helpful. Um, so for example, on the front end, have someone who's assigned to as like the, um, the point of contact for the EC to make the decisions and to be, um, that person to go to for anything that may come up, um, just to prevent the bride and groom from having to handle anything they have. Um, as long as that's established then.

Mm

you know, cause there are likely always be at least one or two people that try to, you know, put their hat in and make suggestions and stuff. And, uh, with that already established the, um, the point of contact along with a good professional event coordinator, um, they can very, you know, quickly and also professionally, um, uh, satisfy, uh, those individuals, uh, and prevent, you know, any sort of crazy changes and, uh,

Mm

alterations to the event itself. As far as my role personally, in addition, I can be like an assist to the EC in managing that. And also a lot of my stuff kind of happens on the backend. So knowing who the go -to person is for packing up gifts and making sure everything is collected and accounted for also can help on the end of it, just relieving any sort of stress and yeah.

Totally.

Ultimately, what all goes into it though is really good communication, I would say.

Totally. And I think on that point too, Dan, I think it's important for couples too. And again, may seem taboo, may be a little bit uncomfortable, but I honestly, I think the more that your coordinator or banquet manager knows the better. So if you do feel like there are dynamics the day of that make it in the way. And I mean, it's unfortunate, but it happens. mean, and there were times where I would have couples who had like an estranged family member and maybe they're scared they're going to show up.

Mm

stuff like that, anything that you might think would happen, I think that is important for your team to know. So that way they know the right people to connect with in case something like that does happen on the day of.

Absolutely.

Yeah, it's something to be ashamed about either. Every family has at least one black sheep. And yeah, the more communication and understanding we have of it, obviously, in our industry, we keep those things very sensitive. It's not like it's information for just everyone to know and spread around. But those who need to know and should be aware of that sort of stuff, as long as they're made aware, can really help alleviate a ton of stress day of.

No.

Totally.

Totally.

Kevin Dennis (20:9.647)

Yeah, well, and I think a lot of it too depends on the venue you pick. So it's easier at like the venue where Dan works because it's more of a private venue compared to having your wedding at like a hotel where it's easy and your guests are mixing with the hotel guests. know, like there's multiple avenues for people to sneak in. yeah, it's but clear, clear communication is the number one key there.

Hmm.

Mm

Okay, and then another question for you guys is, and I know this might be something that, you know, couples are a little worried about. It's, of course, like they don't want to cause any conflict when they're addressing these issues. So I know in this case, communication with those family members is really important and kind of establishing those boundaries early on in the planning process. But how do you think couples can address a disagreement?

among family members without causing any further conflict.

That is a good question. think it, yeah, it's largely is based on the dynamic of the family in and of itself. It unfortunately is not a cookie cutter solution for that. Yeah. I would say ultimately good clear communication, number one. And then also having your areas or.

Yeah, it's a toughie, so...

Totally. It's not a one size fits all situation.

aspects of your wedding that are firm and you want to be unchanged and also areas that maybe can have a little bit of compromise to appease some very opinionated family members.

Yeah, I think it's important to ask yourself like, do I need to have this argument? Or is this something that I can let go a little bit?

Dan Baker (22:2.050)

Mm -hmm.

Kevin Dennis (22:5.041)

And I think a lot of it too is as a couple, got, they, you need to have that conversation. Just the two of you without any of the family members, you know, involved. And then you guys need to work it out before you then start involving all the other family members. Cause there's things that, you know, like I had a wedding once where the mother of the bride wore black, like it in a black veil and the whole thing, because she didn't like her daughter -in -law, you know, like, but the son wouldn't stand up to the mom.

Oh

Mm.

you and I'm like the whole time I'm like, well, this wedding will not, you know, this marriage will not last because you got to be able to stand up and voice your opinion and understand, you know, and there's times too, it's like, who's paying the bill because sometimes who's paying the bill gets a little bit more of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause that, that, you know, I've had, I've heard where a family member, I paid for this. So I want

Mmm.

I wanted to get into this, finances, yeah.

Kevin Dennis (23:1.561)

you I'm going to get what I want kind of thing, you know, so that, you know, that you have to take that with a grain of salt. So if you are taking someone's money and using it for the wedding, then you're going to probably have to take their opinion along with it, you know, and hopefully people that do do that just, all right, here, I'd like to pay for your flowers or I'd like to pay for this. then, you know, not, you know, here's the money. Great. And do what you want.

August Yocher (23:2.031)

Hmm.

Dan Baker (23:9.538)

Mm

ideal situation instead of coming in and going, I'll pay for your flowers and they need to be yellow and pink and you need to have the colors don't match and so you got to decide is it worth it or not.

stipulations.

system.

seen couples before and this is totally an option too like if you don't want to compromise your vision like maybe it's worth it to just push it out a little bit longer so you have that time and money to save and have it really be what you want without compromising in case those people are trying to put stipulations on something that's supposed to be a gift.

Kevin Dennis (24:4.784)

Yeah.

Yeah, or cut back. Yeah, you know, maybe instead of like for the caterer, instead of having, you know, fillet with, you know, shrimp and all the all the expensive stuff, you know, do a nicer short rib or you know, something that's a little bit more cost effective, you know, like, that's the other way, you know, you're gonna have to compromise there, you know, as well. So anyway, there's lots of of ways to handle it. But you got to have you as a couple have to be united in your decision and you can't leave one of your

Dan Baker (24:8.354)

Yeah, that's a really good point.

Totally.

Yeah.

You know your significant other out there to you know die on the vine for you You know so to speak you got a you got a you got to be united front because if you can't do it now You're not going to be able to do it through your marriage, and it's going to be really difficult

Yeah.

Mm

Well, and I think too, like, I think it's important to not, like, put too much stress on that either because if family dynamics exist now, they're gonna keep on existing. So it's not like this is only happening because you're getting married and like you said, Kevin, you have to stay united front because this will continually be an issue as you're merging your families and as you're becoming a family yourself. So.

Just important to not stress about it too much, because it's always going to be there.

Well, like you good point because you was you mentioned that is like getting married is stressful, but then the net the next part like starting a family and having kids that's a whole nother level of stress and opinions and You thought you got a lot of opinions for the wedding times it by four five And that's what you get when it comes to having kids everybody I mean I remember ladies in the grocery store giving me advice about my kids and you know, just like every you know

you

Mm

Hmm.

It's like, who are you?

I will exactly you know, but it's just like, you know, it's worse. So you got to prepare yourself as you move on in your relationship. Be ready for this kid. Yeah.

August Yocher (26:3.169)

Maybe it's the best time to practice that type of boundary is during the planning, so.

Kevin Dennis (26:8.709)

Yeah.

Dan Baker (26:9.016)

That actually, I'm glad you brought that up because that leads to another good point that I want to make too is that with that lady in the grocery store giving advice, like who knows what her background is, but just because you've experienced it once or twice yourself doesn't make you necessarily an expert. So it's very important to make sure that you are seeking advice and counsel and the expertise of professionals.

Well, yeah. the other, yeah, that's pre -marital counseling is a huge thing. And I really encourage people to do it because it really does get you guys ready for, going through marriage. But anyway, I was going to say too, like with, with the kids is I have three, three kids and all three of them are different. So if I tried to do what I did with the first one to the second one, it didn't work. So that it's, you know, so you gotta be able to take, you know, like I love it when people give you advice. Well, you should do this because that, would make her stop crying. No.

Mm

Kevin Dennis (27:2.787)

no lady that will not make her stop crying. I know how that works. you know, back to the wedding. It's like, no, we know what we want. We know that, you know, we know what we we want our guests. You know, I think at the end, it's like the couples have to go into this is how do you want your guests to leave feeling about your wedding day? You know, and that should be, yeah, the way that you make and guide all your decisions. And if you if you go through that, you know, like how some people

Dan Baker (27:4.536)

You

Dan Baker (27:8.461)

Yeah.

Totally.

Mm

do the welcome gifts at the hotel, you know, like, and it could be something simple like a bottle of water, a couple little snacks, you know, something that's not, I remember we did them for our wedding and it costs us less than $300 to put it together between Costco and, and we had a lot of them too, it was just bottles of water and you know, the whole thing. And people commented on that, like there was no tomorrow, you know, like so, you know, but, but it's just little, little things like that, you know, having those little touches, I think goes a long way.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, nice.

Mm

Aww yeah.

August Yocher (28:1.359)

Mm -hmm.

Well, it's funny when you say that I've always said that it's if you were one of your first in your friend group to get married, you have it the easiest. And if you're one and if you're one of the last, you have it the hardest because everyone then, you know, all your other friends have gotten married and they've done this or done that. Yep. Yep. And so you have to do it and make it even more different. And, you know, anyway, because you hear that a lot.

Totally.

They were the guinea pigs.

My friend had this at my, at their wedding. can't do it at my wedding and you know, we got to do something different and you know, so it's all that kind of stuff.

Dan Baker (29:2.830)

Mm.

August Yocher (29:4.441)

think with that too, it's like, yes, you can. I mean, I've had that before. Like, I've had couples come in and be like, okay, like we saw our friends had a french fry bar at their wedding. Like, does that mean we can't have it? I'm like, no, have your french fries. If that's what you really want. Do it. And it's like, who cares if there's some of the same guests in attendance? Like, if that's what you want from your wedding day, then just do it. Like it's it's totally up to you and what what you want.

Kevin Dennis (29:7.641)

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, of course they can.

Yeah.

If you want to be different, just set it in a different location.

If you want to be basic, be basic! Like, do what you want, so...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, and it's funny too, because couples are going to find what's important to them. Is it the food? Is it the photos? Is it the flowers? Is it the decor? Or the music? Everyone's going to have what's important to them. I think too, couples, it could be different. They each have their own importance. So that's the biggest thing.

Yeah.

Mm

Dan Baker (30:2.156)

Yeah. Yep. I agree. Identifying what is the most important is huge and, and then rolling with it and not being ashamed to stand up for what decisions you make. free to salt and pepper, you know, traditions and family or like engaging in family dynamics and whatnot. But yeah, ultimately it's your day as the bride and groom and you should have it the way you want it in my opinion anyways.

Well, it's funny, Dan, you just brought up traditions because that I think causes a lot of stress in the wedding planning because at our family, it's this is the tradition and we have to do that. maybe a bride doesn't like I had a bride once that the aunt would get up on a table or chair and lead the family in the YMCA and embarrassed her as a little girl. And she said,

Totally.

Not on my wedding day, but it was to the point where the aunt was like harassing me to play the ymca and i'm like ma 'am i've been told not to and i'm and i'm here for the bride and groom, you know, and i'm here for the couple and i'm i'm gonna fulfill their wishes. Sorry, you know and kind of thing, but she threatened to unplug me and all kinds of crazy stuff and I said well if you Yeah, oh, yeah. Well no because big well if she was ready to die on it because

Wow.

That's kind of the YMCA. Like, that's what you're good at.

Yeah, was gonna say, that's quite the hill to die on there.

This is something that she, she goes, I've done this at everybody's wedding. And I said, not at this one. It's not gonna happen. You know, and so yeah, well, no, but.

So there's no playlist coming in clutch.

Well, that's really good for you to stay on your ground too for that.

But it was funny because the couple that all came from to Dan's point communication is the couple communicated this to me and prepared me for what was gonna happen. But yeah.

And they trusted you. They trusted you to do that for them.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, and I fulfilled it. that's when it comes down to it, having those clear communications, what you like and what you don't like, and knowing all that kind of stuff comes out. And it's easier for us to fulfill the couple's wishes when we have all the communication, all the answers, all the information.

Well, and I'm sure there's like, there's also, you know, cultural traditions to take into account as well. And I know that gets difficult too, especially if you and your fiance also come from two different cultural backgrounds. But I know, Kevin, we talked about this earlier, but it's really all about balancing, right? Because I think you can still incorporate those things while still putting a little bit more of a modern touch on your day too. But it is all stems back to communication.

Oh, big time.

Well, like I did a wedding a while ago, it's been a couple years now, but she was Chinese and he was Jewish. And so, you know, in the Jewish culture, they signed the ketubah, which is the marriage contract. And that usually is a private thing that happens before the ceremony with family members. But this couple chose to do that tradition out in front of everyone else. So the Chinese side could see the Jewish tradition. And then what

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, and then they did and then the Chinese is the tea ceremony is really, you important to them and again private with family members and uh, so they chose to do that in front of everyone so the jewish side could see it and and I think that's kind of a good thing because then you're uh, know, you're Bringing, know honoring the traditions honoring the cultures and blending them together and I think

Mm

When I mentioned that to some of my friends that are outside of the Bay Area, because we are in the Bay Area, we are a big melting pot. So we have lot of these, know, culture, different people marrying different, you know, religions, you know, all the, all cultural, all the, you name it, it's happening. You know, like I just did a wedding that he was Chinese and she was Indian, you know, so honoring both of those traditions.

Dan Baker (34:4.813)

Hmm.

pretty sure I was had that way. Well, work in it anyways.

Yep,

Yeah, I think it's really cool. It's really beautiful. And I really like that one you brought up a couple years ago, because it's also just kind of showcasing the cultures to the family, because they are all family now. So it's really cool that they shared both sides with their guests.

Yeah, and honoring both sides, know, honoring, yeah, yeah, so.

Absolutely.

Yeah, that's a good point. feel like in our day and age too, people might be a little too either afraid or concerned to maybe appropriate certain aspects of culture. But when you're going into it with the aspect of honoring what they are doing and what they're meant to do, it really is a special thing. Even for your guests who maybe never have experienced anything like that can bear witness to it and enjoy it.

So it's good to celebrate those things.

Kevin Dennis (35:4.421)

Yeah, it was interesting. the one I was just telling you about is you could, heard some of the people talking and you can hear them that, wow, that was really beautiful. I never have seen that before. It, you know, when they were, you know, and it was the, the other side talking about the, you know, the Indian, you know, it's a way to, know, and you know, the ceremony is long. It's a, it's an hour and a half, two hour long ceremony, but, it was, it was very beautiful for people to, you know, appreciate that culture and preach.

Mm

Yeah.

appreciate it all.

Yeah, cool. Um, okay, I think we should get into some some top tips for our couples to take away from this episode.

Yeah.

Well, think it's, I was going to say, Dan talked about it multiple times, establishing clear communication. I think that is, it all comes down to, I really do, I really do. It's really having that communication with your partner, communication with the family members. It's just establishing that right away.

Alrighty.

the most important thing.

Dan Baker (36:9.816)

Yeah, I'm glad you structured it that way as well. It's definitely important to be a couple first. They're the top tier. The communication needs to be established there first and then just trickles down from there.

I agree. What about setting boundaries early? That's another good tip.

Kinda coincides with communication.

Oh yeah.

It really does.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, setting boundaries, understanding where they need to be set is important as far as like, gosh, I'm kind of blinking on ideas. What do you guys think as far as what comes up frequently?

Yeah, I think.

Well, I was going to say, well, like I just did a wedding where the mom was in charge of this whole thing and the bride wouldn't, the bride wouldn't, and nor the groom would stand up to her. the whole time and all I, well, it's funny cause the planner and all of us is like, imagine what their married life's going to be like, you know, they're not going to be able to buy a couch without the mom's approval. They're not going to be able to do anything without the mom's approval. And it just, well, a hundred percent, you know, so like,

What's tough?

Dan Baker (37:3.500)

Yeah.

August Yocher (37:9.103)

You're almost giving permission.

They needed to stand up, even though the mom was paying for it, you know, the wedding, but they needed to stand up to this mom from the get -go.

And honestly, I think like you have a little bit of uncomfortability in the beginning. Like absolutely, it's gonna be a little uncomfortable to have those conversations with your family and to set those boundaries. But I think the little bit of uncomfortability you have early on is going to avoid a lot of stress and conflict and maybe even more uncomfortability if you were just to set that from the get -go.

Or worst case, yeah, was gonna say getting, worst case scenario is getting divorced because you can't stand your mother -in -law making all these decisions. Because the whole time I'm like, this couple's not gonna make it through their marriage because the mom is that involved and it's gonna get, yeah, and it's gonna be a problem.

I 100 % agree with them.

Mm

Yeah.

August Yocher (38:4.685)

and you're letting her.

August Yocher (38:9.325)

Yeah, set boundaries early, early on.

Yeah. And what about seek professional guidance?

Yeah, it really makes all the difference who your people are for your wedding and who you trust to make your pretty much dream day come true. And in my experience, I've seen all walks of different businesses come through here and anywhere from like top tier professional that just you can tell are masters of their craft and have very great dedication to

the people that they are employed by and others that look like they just rolled out of bed an hour ago and are there just to make a paycheck. in the back of your mind, you're wondering like, how are they surviving if this is their full -time gig? So it's definitely good to be very picky on who you choose to bring about your wedding day.

It's funny, I have a thing, Dan, is if their email address is flowers at yahoo .com or gmail .com, they're not professional and they don't do it for a living. Yeah, I've always felt that way because I run across creative partners that have at yahoo, at Gmail, at whatever, or even worse, at Hotmail or at AOL email addresses.

Mm

That's an interesting... yeah.

And I'm like, in this day and age, it's so easy to get a professional email that, you know, if you can't take the time to do that, how are you going to take the time to be professional at my wedding? I don't know why. It's just, yeah. Yeah. It's, I don't know why it's pet peeve, pet peeve of mine, but, but also I was going to add on, you know, having, you know, great wedding professionals, but also I something that my wife and I did, we went and did a little bit of premarital counseling and I think it helped.

That's so interesting. I've never thought of that.

Yeah, and I would say.

Yeah, that's a good point.

It helped get all that, you know, all that setting the boundaries, having that communication. It really helped us get ready for our marriage. So I'm all.

Mm

do you think like some couples again like that even feels like a taboo subject having that premarital counseling? I but like I don't think it is. I don't think people should.

Yeah?

It's a good way to really prepare you for the next step, I think it is. And just have those difficult conversations instead of sweeping them under the rug. Yeah, it really, really does make a difference.

Yeah.

Mm

Yeah.

Yeah, counseling can be kind of like a buzzword for people. It doesn't mean that there's any issues, but in the industry we always say we want to be proactive instead of reactive. And I think pre -marital counseling is a really great way to be proactive for any future things that may very well come up.

No.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to say.

Yep.

Kevin Dennis (41:6.797)

Mm -hmm. This bit. Yeah, I like that analogy, too. I always say be on the offense, not the defense, but I'm a sports guy. anyway, all right. Well, Dan, thank you. It's been a pleasure. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a pleasure having you on here. Yeah. Yeah. We would love it. That's what we'll call the episode. There you go. So.

August Yocher (41:7.255)

like that Dan, I like that.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Thank you.

Oh, it's been my pleasure you guys. Yeah. And I'm happy to do it again. Maybe in the time and place I'll be ready.

Dan Baker, part two.

Hehehe.

Thanks

But Dan, real quick, if anybody wanted to get ahold of you, how do people get ahold of you?

Oh, that's a great question. Uh, professionally or Okay. Uh, so you can reach me at Dan at beats hospitality .com. Uh, and yeah, if you have any questions, uh, any questions, um, one, any more advice or just looking for any information, usually happy to pass them along. Uh, we're also, uh, actually, would this be inappropriate to say that we're still currently hiring if anyone's looking for another gig?

Well, professionally. Let's keep it professional.

The right email! The right email!

August Yocher (42:9.718)

Yeah.

No. Not at all.

So yeah, always looking for good people for that too if that strikes you fancy.

Well, and I'm sorry if we didn't establish this early on, I can't remember, but Beats Hospitality is an event management and catering company and they operate out of Costreal and Palm Event Center. So two venues located in Pleasanton, California.

And I have been working with them since 1992. I'm going to tell you how that's how old I am, believe it or not. That's the first time I met Reed. So I was just a young buck, young, buck. all right. So thank you, Dan. Like we said, also our listeners, be sure to hit the subscribe button on YouTube and give us all the thumbs up. Subscribe on wherever you are getting.

Mm -mm.

Do it.

Kevin Dennis (43:3.287)

You're you're now that I'm engaged. How how do I get married fix? Uh, and then also I know I don't it's it's we're recording this on a monday. That's why it's it's it's it's it's a monday So yeah And then also if you have questions or topics that you would like to us to cover be sure to uh Send us an email and to podcast at fantasy sound .com. So dan again. Thanks for being here

August Yocher (43:7.319)

You messed that up twice today.

You

Yeah.

It's been a long weekend for all of us, yeah.

Yeah.

It's been my pleasure, you guys.

Thanks and.

Alright, I think Kevin will hop back on. That was fun! Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. I really like doing these. Alright, I accidentally hit the wrong button. was like, Kevin's gone now. Sorry Dan, I hit the wrong button. Hey, you're good. No worries. I was like, shit! I thought it made for everyone. Anyway, alright. Alright, well.

Alright.

Hey, you're good. No worries.

August Yocher (44:4.985)

Thanks guys. That was a great episode. That was really cool. I really enjoyed that one. Tough topics. Yeah, very tough. But honestly, Dan, you did a great job. I feel like your answers were all very well thought out. I appreciate that. Thank you. Well, thanks for taking the time out of your day. We appreciate it. Yep. Like I said, very much a pleasure and happy to do it again whenever you guys want. Thank you, Dan. Well, we'll let you know when we're...

Dan Baker (44:5.783)

All right.

Dan Baker (44:9.326)

Totally.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

Yep, like I said, very much a pleasure and happy to do it again whenever you guys want.

launching. We're trying to get a few episodes under our belt before we launch this one, but the couple of graphics that I sent over to you, we'll kind of post those on the Fantasy Sound account when we're trying to promote the episode. So you may see your lovely face on there and then the name of the episode and everything, but I'll let you know before that gets posted. So. Alright, sounds good.

Okay.

Dan Baker (45:2.830)

All right, sounds good.

August Yocher (45:6.083)

See you

Dan Baker (45:6.230)

I think you guys. All right, bye.