When it comes to expressing your authentic self, it’s all about letting your one inner voice and vision become louder and more profound than all the many distracting voices on the outside. In this episode Dr Demartini discusses what it takes to truly express your authentic self.

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If we get cocky and proud, we get criticized. We get

And if we get humble, we get lifted up.

Nature's trying to get us back into authenticity.

Most likely in your life at various moments in your life,

you've met individuals that you looked up to,

admired, were drawn to,

maybe infatuated with and tried to, you might say,

duplicate or imitate or envy.

And the moment you did that,

and you put them above you and saw them as greater than you,

or more skilled in some capacity, possibly more intelligent,

possibly more successful in business or achieving,

possibly more wealthy or more stable in relationships,

or possibly more socially connected and networked,

or possibly more physically fit and attractive or more spiritually

aware.

The moment you exaggerate them and put them above you and

think they're greater than you, just like in a mathematical sign, it makes you,

relative to them, seem small.

So when you exaggerate others, you tend to minimize yourself.

When you infatuate with others, you tend to, in a sense,

devalue yourself.

Now what's interesting is when you are infatuated or looking up to somebody and

thinking they're greater,

you are conscious of the behaviors or traits or actions or

inactions that they're displaying or demonstrating that you admire,

and you're conscious of those and exaggerating those with a bias,

and you're minimizing the downsides,

you're minimizing the depreciable activities of these individuals.

So you're in a sense exaggerating how great they are.

When you do that and you become conscious of their upsides and unconscious of

their downsides, you in turn become conscious of your

downsides and unconscious of your upsides.

And you become too humble to admit what you see in them,

inside yourself. This is what leads to intimidation,

difficulty speaking, difficulty selling.

The moment we look up to somebody and minimize ourselves,

we automatically are devaluing ourselves.

We're not authentic. We're not reflective.

We're deflective.

That means we're too humble to admit what we see in them inside us and we're

deflecting, disowning, dismembering,

and disempowering those traits in us and playing

small. And the moment we do because we exaggerate them and minimize us,

we inject their values into our life,

and we try to imitate them. In all probability,

you've had moments when you were highly infatuated with somebody and the first

few weeks of dating them, possibly in a relationship,

you started doing things you normally didn't do in your life.

Your normal priorities were all of a sudden set aside and you started

doing things you normally didn't do, strange things.

I remember when I was infatuated and exaggerating a girl when I was at the

university of Houston, when I was around 20 years old,

I was so infatuated that I gave up my studies of physics and

mathematics and chemistry and all the pre-med sciences,

to go and do pom pom dancing with her because she was a trainer of the Kilgore

Rangerettes in pompom, dancing, halftime entertainment at football.

So I was doing strange things I would never do because I was exaggerating her,

minimizing me, infatuated with her, self-depreciating me,

and fearing her loss in my life.

Because anytime you infatuate and exaggerate them, you fear their loss.

Anytime you exaggerate,

you fear their loss and you inject their values.

The way you know you inject their values in your life,

is you hear yourself saying, 'I should be doing this',

'I ought to be doing this'. 'I need to be doing this'. 'I must do this'.

'I gotta do this'. 'I have to do this'. All of the,

what I call the imperative language.

The moment you exaggerate them and minimize you,

you're not being your authentic self.

You're trying to live in other people's values.

And no human being can sustain living in other people's values.

It's not sustainable.

Every individual lives by a set of priorities,

a set of values that are unique to them.

And whatever's highest on their value they spontaneously are inspired to do.

And whenever they've injected the values of others,

those values have a competition with your own highest values and it creates an

internal conflict and leads to uncertainties,

and the uncertainty that you feel when you're minimizing yourself to somebody

else, the self depreciation, is a feedback,

normal biological feedback to let you know, you're inauthentic.

Anytime you're hearing yourself with those imperatives inside your head,

'I should', 'I ought to', 'I supposed to', 'I got to', 'I have to', 'I must',

and you think you're having limited beliefs,

which are nothing more than their injected values that you're trying to live by

when you can't, because you have your own values and you're creating conflicts.

That uncertainty, that internal conflict, that internal noise in the brain,

that self depreciation and all those imperative languages are symptoms of you

trying to be living in other people's values you've got on a pedestal.

If we put people on pedestals, we'll put ourselves in the pit.

If we exaggerate them, we'll minimize us. And we are not authentic.

Our essential self is now overruled by our existential

self.

Our existential stuff is ruled by external sources that we infatuate with.

And as you know, when you're highly infatuated with somebody,

when you go to asleep sleep at night,

they can occupy space and time in your mind and run you.

You can't even sleep at night hardly because you're so infatuated.

So anytime you exaggerate another individual and have an equity in your

perceptions and subjective bias and skewed views of these individuals,

because the truth is they're not up, they're just human beings.

But if you exaggerate them and minimize you and not honor what you see in them

inside you, and deflect it,

you're going to diminish yourself and play smaller than you are.

And that's a form of dysmorphia.

Just like people have body dysmorphia and they can't see the magnificence of

their body, you can have dysmorphia in your intellectual pursuits,

your business, your finance, your family, relationships, your social,

your physical health and wellbeing and physical, and in your spiritual.

And anytime you exaggerate somebody else and minimize you, you are inauthentic.

You're not you.

And the magnificence of who you are is far greater than any delusions you've

made on yourself. So you cannot empower yourself putting people on pedestals.

As Ralph Waldo, Emerson said, envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

We're not here to put people on pedestals. We're here to put them in our hearts.

We are here to have reflective awareness,

the highest level of awareness we have.

Now we also have the other side of the equation,

where we now are conscious of the downsides of people

and unconscious of their upsides.

And we resent them and we withdraw from them and we despise them

and we wanna avoid them. In the process of doing that,

we then exaggerate ourselves.

We become now conscious of our upsides and unconscious of our downsides and go

into pride and self righteousness and arrogant and inflated,

looking down on them. When we are infatuated, we're deflated,

when we're now resentful, we're inflated.

When we're inflated and proud and arrogant, we're not being ourselves,

we're in authentic and we're non essential again.

We're in existential view about ourselves and we're run by the outside world

again, but now we're conscious of the downsides of them and unconscious of the

downsides of ourselves. So we're too proud to admit what we see in them,

inside us. And we basically deny what we see in them.

And we disown, disempower, deflect, dismember those parts of ourselves,

and in a sense skew our view of ourselves.

Our inauthenticity, when we're inauthentic like that,

we're puffed up and exaggerated, we've lost sight of who we are again.

And again now, because we puff ourselves up,

and because values go from those who have the most power, perceptually,

to those that have least power,

instead of injecting values of people we put above us,

we now project values to people we put below us,

and now we go around and we project our values onto them and expect them to live

in our values. And we go around and we say, 'you should', 'you ought to',

'you're supposed to', 'you got to', 'you have to', 'you must', 'you need to'.

And we again hear these projected imperatives,

but not internally inside ourselves where we think we're, you know,

not able to stay focused and empowered and we're sabotaging and everything else,

but now we're projecting onto them and thinking they're doing it.

Now we think that they're basically sabotaging and can't stay

focused because we're expecting them to live in our values. Well,

anytime you have been in a relationship and you projected your values onto

somebody and thought you were self-righteous and

them and you got narcissistic and expected them to live in your values,

you found out that that doesn't work.

And anytime you infatuated with somebody and you inject those values,

you end up becoming altruistic trying to sacrifice for other people.

And that doesn't work.

Neither narcissism or altruism by themselves are sustainable.

Trying to get something for nothing or trying to give something for nothing.

When you're minimizing you,

you try to give something and you're afraid of losing somebody.

When you're resentful to somebody,

you try to get something and fear the gain of those individuals.

Both of those are deflective awarenesses, both of those are disempowerments,

both of those are not owning all parts of yourself.

Both of those are inauthentics, facades and personas.

The entire field of personal development is an expression of those personas and

the integration of those.

Right this today in a scientific journal that I read

this morning,

they found out that dopamine and serotonin and some of the amino acid

transmitters in the brain have just now been found,

not to just be only positive and negative, but actually integrative.

So our transmitters are attempting to integrate our brain,

attempting to bring those two personas into the being.

Our exaggerated self-righteous persona and our minimized self-wrongeous persona

is what has been called elevated and depressed self-esteem.

But when they're integrated, they make true self-worth.

And our true self-worth occurs when they're integrated and we're objective,

and we have reflective awareness and we're not too proud or too humble to admit

what we see in others is inside ourselves.

And we're not skewing things with subjective biases.

We're in a state of objectivity, which is neutrality,

where we don't fear the loss of that, which we seek,

and we don't fear the gain of that which we try to avoid.

And we're no longer in our amygdala trying to escape with our instincts,

the pains, and looking for the, with our impulses, the pleasures.

And striving for that which is unavailable and trying to avoid that which is

unavoidable is the source of human suffering. So anytime we're inauthentic,

we go into our quote "suffering" mode.

And the "suffering" is actually a feedback to let us know we're inauthentic.

Our physiology, psychology, sociology,

and theologies are all designed to bring us back into authenticity.

But what happens when all of a sudden you go and you,

you own the things you see in others?

I've said in my Breakthrough Experience program, which I've taught 1000 many,

many times over 1,100 and something times.

I've shared that at the level of the soul, the state of unconditional love,

where there's no judgment, nothing's missing in you. You're not too proud,

you're not too humble to admit what you see in others inside yourself.

That is the essential self.

That is the essence of your being or some call it the ground of being,

that is where you are not reactive, but you're active, you're inspired.

When you live by your highest values and you're most objective,

you're more likely to access that state.

That's why our identity revolves around what we value most in our life.

And whenever we live by highest priority, we automatically awaken it.

But in the Breakthrough Experience, I have people that are resenting people,

infatuating with people,

exaggerating and minimizing themselves and trying to be loved for who they

are when they're not even willing to be who they are. See,

when you're exaggerating yourself, you're not willing to be who you are.

When you're minimizing yourself, you're not who you are.

How are you expecting somebody to love you for who you are when you're not even

willing to be it? It's only in a state of grace,

only in the state of inspiration, only in the state of real love,

where you really have the balanced state, where you're reflective,

and you own your hero and your villain.

You own those things on the pedestal and the pit. And,

you don't try to deny any of them.

You're not too proud or too humble to admit what you see in others, inside you.

Where you have reflective awareness.

Where the essential self emerges and the integration of your personas and

personal development are integrated,

which is what the brain is attempting to do, to bring us to our highest value,

where we're objective, where things are balanced, and we're not judging.

Only there do we have the essential self.

And only there do we empower ourselves.

That's why in the Breakthrough Experience I want people to do the Demartini

Method. Because the Demartini Method,

which is a series of questions to enlighten you and to

order in the apparent chaos, makes you go and look at what specific trait,

action or inaction do I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating

that I admire most or despise most,

and I identify what those traits actions or inactions are that I'm judging.

Then I go to a moment where and when I perceive myself displaying or

demonstrating the same or similar specific traits, actions,

or inactions that I perceive in them inside me.

And I look carefully and I look for them and I identify where it was,

when it was, who it was to, and who perceived me doing it,

until the quantity and the quality of it match with what I see in these other

people. And I own those traits of the hero and the villain.

And when I realize that I'm the hero and the villain,

and that I'm not nice without mean, or mean without nice or kind without cruel,

or cruel without kind,

I have every trait and I need every trait in order to function.

I don't need to get rid of half of myself to love myself. I'm both sides.

The truth of your nature is that you're both.

And the fantasy is you're going to get rid of half of yourself and be only one

sided. That is the biggest farce, the biggest futility,

the biggest fantasy that is promoted on this planet,

morally leading to hypocrisies that keep people trapped and disempowered,

striving for that which is unavailable and creating these polarities of judgment

which embondage us. So

when we go in there and identify where we've done it to the same degree and own

the traits of these people that we see above us and below us,

and have reflective awareness, where the seer,

the seeing and the seen are the same, all of a sudden our judgments calm down.

And then the traits that we admire, we go in there and go to a moment where,

and when you perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating the specific

trait, action, or inaction you admire. And in that moment,

and from that moment til now, how is it a drawback? How's it a disservice?

What's the downsides? Because if you're blind to the downsides,

it's time to intuitively ask the question, what are they? Otherwise,

you'll be blind by an infatuation, and then eventually discover the downsides,

broadsided by it, better to be aware now.

Why not have the wisdom of the ages without the aging process,

instead of the wisdom of the ages with the aging process?

And go to the moment where and when you perceived this individual displaying or

demonstrating a specific trait, action, inaction you despise or resent.

At that moment, and from that moment til now, the present,

how specifically was it an upside, what was the benefit?

What was the advantages that it offered? And be accountable,

which means bring your mind into a balance,

be accountable to see both sides of an event.

All events are neutral until somebody judges them with a skewed,

subjective bias, and doesn't see the whole.

How are you going to have mindfulness if you're trying to empty your mind of

half of the content by being subjectively biased with an opinion,

that's stored by wounds of the past.

And it' wise to ask the questions to equilibrate the mind,

that liberate the mind, to balance the mind,

because you can't have a balanced physiology without a balanced mentality.

And this is what the neuro-transmitters are showing.

Our actions are going to be a byproduct of our perceptions.

We balance our perceptions, we have more moderate actions. If not,

we have extreme volatilities and perturbations in our

So the moment we own those, the moment we neutralize those,

and then we go to the moment where and when we displayed it and go find out the

upsides or downsides of those and balance those outs,

so we dissolve our pride and shame.

When we dissolve our pride and shame and dissolve our infatuation resentment,

we access our authentic self.

And then if we go to a moment where and when we perceive these individuals

displaying those traits,

the opposite traits to what they displayed to whoever they were displaying it

to,

we take away the labels that make us rigid in our perceptions of them and allow

them to be just human beings with set of values.

And they respond to their perceptions.

And sometimes they'll be nice and sometimes mean, and sometimes kind,

sometimes cruel. And when we understand that,

we understand they're a human being with a set of values that we can honor and

respect and communicate in.

And then we realize that there's no reason to judge that individual.

And there's no reason to judge ourselves in turn. Then we

go and find out whenever they did,

we find out who was doing the opposite and balance the equation,

which then helps us transcend the labels and transcend the judgment.

And then we crack the fantasy about how we expected them to be when we resent

them or the nightmare of how we would not want them to be when we're infatuated

with them.

And we crack those by asking what's the downside or the upside of the opposite

behavior. And once we do,

we realize that this individual has nothing except something to be loved.

This individual's just a human being with a set of values,

living congruently with their values. But we, with our subjective biases,

didn't see it. And when we do, we did not live authentically.

And then we projected onto them an expectation based on that and we

create unrealistic expectations on them to live in our values or us to live in

their values. And this disempowers us, this creates a facade,

a persona, a mask that covers up our authentic self.

The essential self,

the existing absolute fundamental universal,

authentic self is truly empowered, has nothing missing,

owns all the traits. Doesn't waste its time trying to get rid of half of itself.

Doesn't waste his time trying to get rid of half of anybody else's stuff.

They get on with priority. And we're not here to compare ourselves to others.

We're here to compare our daily actions to our own dreams,

our own highest priority actions.

If we identify what's really highest in our values,

stick to the action steps that we found that are most effective and fulfilling

in, stick to those, we're less judging.

We all know that when we do high priority actions in a day,

we're more resilient, more adaptable, more expanded, more inspired,

more fulfilled, more leader oriented, more walking our talk.

And we end up having more resilience and adaptability when we come home,

we don't react to people and we know how to handle situations because we're

living in our executive center, our forebrain instead of our hind brain.

In the Breakthrough Experience program that I teach,

as I said almost every week or so, I help people with the Demartini Method,

help attain essential self, the authentic self.

Everybody wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

If they had only 24 hours to live,

they would go and love and appreciate people that have contributed to their

lives.

You're not going to love and appreciate yourself when you're proud or shamed.

You're not going to love and appreciate other people when you're infatuated or

resentful.

You're only going to love and appreciate you and others when you're reflective,

you're authentic and you've transcended your personas. Again,

personal development is the integration of the personas into the true self.

And anytime you get exaggerate yourself, you also simultaneously,

the way the chemistry in the brain is set up,

for neurochemistry and electronic chemistry,

anytime you go into pride and get addicted to pride,

you create a persona that balances it that's shame.

And anytime you go into shame, you create another dissociated pride facade.

These two personas are actually simultaneously

the authentic self. So our brain is an authentic,

highest values seeking system.

Our physiology will create symptoms to give us feedback, to get us there.

All of the symptoms that we have in illnesses are actually trying to get us

authentic and get us back to love.

That's why gratitude and love are still the greatest healers.

All of the sociological,

all this psychological and all the theological reverberations from our

environment are all trying to get us back in equilibrium.

If we get cocky and proud, we get criticized. We get

And if we get humble, we get lifted up.

Nature's trying to get us back into authenticity.

Every single thing that's going on in your life is trying to help you and is on

the way to that. Not in the way.

So having the opportunity to actually ask quality questions that

normalize the mind,

see if you don't integrate your own mind and you don't have self-governance and

you don't listen to the subtleties of your physiology and psychology,

which is autotelic and homeostatic,

you automatically have to have sociology and theology,

which is politics and religion to give you moral injunctions and

should's, and ought to's and supposed to's,

because they're going to inject and you're going to subordinate,

you're going to brain offload decisions because you're uncertain and you're

going to give your power away.

And you're going to try to live in other people's values, which is futile.

And that's why most people live quiet lives of desperation,

not a life of inspiration.

That's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience,

that's why I want them to learn the Demartini Method.

I want them to know how to take themselves no matter what they've experienced in

their world,

around them in their perceptions and integrate them and balance them and

liberate them for the authentic self so they're empowered,

so they can make decisions on themselves, and their perceptions,

decisions and actions are under governance,

and they can activate their natural born leader that wants to create a legacy.

Cause every time you're authentic, you expand your space and time horizons,

and eventually go beyond your own mortal life. And you leave an immortal legacy.

I call it the posthumous biography of your own life, that you're live by design,

not by duty.

So by asking quality questions that equilibrate the mind and liberate you from

the bondage of infatuation, resentments, and prides and shames,

you are freed to be authentic where you love, you feel inspired,

you're grateful, you're present, you're certain, and you're enthused.

I call those the six transcendental states of an authentic human being.

And again, our soul at the highest level, the state of unconditional love,

our celestial most broad-minded overviewing state of mind,

the witness that's overrising the agents of judgment, inside us,

when we access that part of ourselves by living by higher priority,

not lower priority,

we access a very profound and fulfilling state that we're capable of doing

extraordinary feats with. So,

to activate this essential self,

it's asking the right questions and the Demartini Method,

I've designed it for the last 47, almost 48 years of working on it,

I've designed it based on neurochemistry and neurology and psychology and

philosophy and physics. I've woven it together into a science that's absolutely,

it's reproducible, it's duplicatable, if you learn it,

if you master it, you've got it, you can take anything.

There's nothing your mortal body can experience that your mortal soul,

the state of unconditional love can't transcend, can't turn into opportunity,

can't be grateful for and move on.

And anything we're not grateful for is baggage,

and we weigh ourselves down with gravitational entropy,

we undergo disorder, we age.

I believe that the aging process is a symptomatology of living by personas,

and the youthfulness that we have, the vitality that we have,

the enthusiasm we have, the spirit inside,

the divine within us is awakened to the degree of our authenticity.

When our human will now matches divine will, as some theologians said,

we're not caught in the vicissitudes and perturbations of all the emotions of an

extrinsic world,

which is hallucinative at best according to the Scientific American,

September edition of 2019 version.

We don't have to live in our hallucinative elusive world,

we can actually see things as they are,

and the magnificence of who they are is greater than all the fantasies we keep

imposing on there. So the essential self,

the true self is the powerful self and the Demartini Method in the Breakthrough

Experience is designed to help you awaken it and bring it to the surface.

If you want to be loved and appreciate who you are, it's time to be who you are.

And if you want to love people for who they are,

you got to find out what their highest values are and understand that their

decisions are based on that. Every decision that we make, self or other,

is based on what we believe will give us the greatest advantage over

disadvantage, in the moment to our highest values.

So if we understand that we can live more authentic lives.

So I just wanted to take a few moments to share something about authenticity,

and we call it expressing it,

but we will automatically express it the moment we transcend the judgment.

So we all do judgments. There's no end to the judgments,

we're going to go onto the next judgment,

but we don't want to stay stuck in one judgment for the rest of our life,

running our story, become victims of history,

we want to become masters of destiny. So we go from one judgment,

we transcend it. We look back, we're grateful for it.

We move on to the next one. And we take that one and we go on to the next one.

That's why I want you to learn the method and come to the Breakthrough

Experience. And even if you've been to the Breakthrough Experience,

and even though you sometimes, some people come to the seminars and they think,

'Okay, I've been there, done that.' Well,

I assure you some of the people that have done the most profound accomplishments

that I've known over the last 30 something years since I've been teaching

Breakthrough, are the people that go in there and master the principles,

not just experience them, not just hear about them and then forget about them,

but master them. So even if you've been before, come back and come and master.

I'm constantly upgrading and updating and refining the things and

teaching it more you know, more masterfully as I go.

But I want you to learn those tools because I guarantee you,

they will give you a gift in life. You'll say, thank you when you master it,

you'll see life through different eyes, a different lens.

And you'll see the magnificence of yourself, because the truth is it's there.

The essential self is magnificent.

The persona false self is insignificant.

So that's my little presentation for the week.

And I also want to make a mention of a webinar that we're doing, many

of you have had challenges, some of you have not,

some of you are booming as a result of the corona, st. corona as I call it.

Well,

if you have still have some challenges it's wise to come and experience this

one, From Setbacks to Comebacks - Turning Challenge into Inspired Opportunity.

Please tell people about it, share the message.

If you got something out of this one, please pass it on to other people.

It's through you telling other people that we reach more people to do it.

And the more people you have around you that understand the principles,

the more you're likely to live it,

because you have people around you that hold you accountable for those.

But in the process of doing it,

From Setbacks to Comebacks - Turning Challenge into Opportunity.

And please take advantage of all the things we have on our website,

our podcasts, the Demartini Show, all the things on the media and our website,

the Value Determination Process that we have for you to

help set priorities in your life, to live more inspired lives.

And thank you for your attention today.

I'll see you at the Breakthrough Experience,

take advantage of learning the Demartini Method. And until our next week,

have a fantastic week, get inspired, live by priority,

delegate lower priority things,

and know that the magnificence of who you are is the true you.

So give yourself permission to be you.

Thank you for joining me for this presentation today.

If you found value out of the presentation,

please go below and please share your comments.

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help you maximize your life. I look forward to our next presentation.