Starting over, especially when you have not chosen to, can be very difficult without strong assistance and help. The “voice” that we often think that we have in the process of change is overextended, feels strained, and more than likely, is not the kind of situation which we want to be involved in. Today’s episode explores the enduring question of how we can start over, but from the perspective of having a new beginning. Moving forward is normally the immediate answer that comes to mind, but it is not that simple for many different types of situation. Finding your beginning means not only your purpose, but expanding what creativity lies inside of you to expand your infinite world of possibilities.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 171 of Speaking From the Heart.

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Today, we're going to talk about how you

start over, and I know that this topic

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is probably very timely, especially

for those that might be heading into

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Thanksgiving with a sense of worry, with

a sense of uncertainty, with a sense

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of wondering how you might be received

at the Thanksgiving table this year,

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because you might have been through

quite a lot of different changes.

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Maybe there are some things that

were so dramatic that happened this

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year that you feel like the dinner

table, where you're going to be eating

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Thanksgiving dinner at, is going to

be a little bit different this year.

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It might not be around the same

people that you used to hang around.

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Maybe there are other people that

are joining you for the first time,

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not knowing who you are, not sure of

what to expect from you, and maybe

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you've heard some things about you

that are not true; they're just simply

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false, and I know that, especially

with this imposter syndrome that we

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have in Thanksgiving world, we often

have to change our perspectives.

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We have to change our ways in

which we engage with people.

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We have to put on a different face,

get a different mask, if you will, but

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in this episode today, I really want

to get to the heart of how you can

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push forward, but also know that there

needs to be an extension of a hand

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being reached out, helping you to get

to that next level, to help you feel

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like you're not overextending yourself,

feeling strained, because being able to

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start over, being able to create that

new beginning, is quite a lot of work.

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Some people think that it's just about

snapping your fingers, pushing aside

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what has happened in the past, and moving

forward, but it's not quite like that.

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Finding normalcy, finding something in

which you can hold on to, especially

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when all the tangents, all the different

things that are changing around you are

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happening, it's not quite easy to portray.

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There's no immediate answer that

might come to mind either, especially

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when you're trying to figure out

what it means to hang around these

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new individuals in your life.

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What it means to have new routines.

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Maybe a new job.

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Maybe you relocated to

a whole other place.

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Maybe it's some other city.

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Maybe it's in a whole new country.

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Regardless of what it is, creating a

new beginning means that you also have

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to create a new version of yourself,

and ditching what has happened in the

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past, so that you can find that place

to move forward so that you have that

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next rung in the ladder in which you're

able to climb, but we have to start

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somewhere with this conversation,

and there is no better place to start

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than knowing what your purpose is.

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Sure.

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Maybe in your last relationship, maybe

in that big, tumultuous time in your

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life in which you're moving on from, you

couldn't figure out what that purpose was.

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You were distracted from the things

that were happening around you.

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I know for me, especially when I moved

out of my parent's place as soon as I

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was done with my first master's degree

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few months I needed to find a place,

be able to make enough money so that I

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could pay my student loans, which were

tumultuous in itself, but also feel

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like I was stable enough to move from

where I was, and find that American

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dream, being able to live on my own.

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Little did I know that it came

with a lot more responsibility.

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Finding out that I needed

to pay for XYZ on my own.

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Knowing that that sense of loneliness on

some nights was because I didn't have a

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great network of friends to start out.

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It also meant that I was learning about

myself in ways that it was challenging

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me, and my own perspectives, but I

know that even as I've grown older,

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some of those things can still be a

challenge, and apparently, the economy

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and the things that have happened in

this world do not make it any easier

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for somebody that is still trying to

get through the day to day of life.

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How we were able to build that energy,

that momentum, is really important,

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especially when we're talking about this

context, because that means that you

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have to hold on to something: whether

that's your own faith, whether that is

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something that you are able to see deep

inside yourself so that you are able

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to move forward, regardless of what it

might mean, expanding that creativity,

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the positivity that you have inside

yourself, means that you have to get

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through the valleys that you're crossing

so that you can get to the very top

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of the mountain where you feel like

you're at your very best, but I digress.

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My experiences growing up in my 20s,

even into my early 30s, did not make

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this experience very easy, especially

for a millennial like myself, but even

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regardless of what you might view it as,

especially from a generational difference,

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we all know that when we go through

something that is very tough, when it's

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challenging who we are deep inside of

ourselves, it also means that we have to

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self reflect on what we've done right,

what we have done wrong, and what we

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possibly could have done differently in

the first place, so before you even do

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anything when it comes to sitting down

with others at the Thanksgiving table,

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think about how you want to be viewed.

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Knowing your purpose now, especially

after you've been through such a tough

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period in your life, or have gone through

a great transition, means that you have

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to create this manifestation on your own.

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Sure.

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Coaches like myself can help you with

that exercise, possibly setting goals,

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possibly helping you to visualize what it

looks like to be on the other side of what

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you've been through, but more importantly,

being able to move forward past all

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these different experiences, all these

different types of attitude adjustments,

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all these different things that can create

manifestations of negativity, mean that

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you have to now set yourself to higher

limits; to higher aims, if you will, to be

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able to provide for yourself and yourself.

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Now you might be asking, "Wait.

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Did you just repeat yourself?

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Don't you mean just yourself?"

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Truth be told, there really are two

different conflicts that are happening,

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and in psychology, you might have heard of

this from a Sigmund Freud perspective of

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the id and the ego, and then there's the

superego, and all these different other

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concepts, but let's just make this simple.

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There is the version of yourself that

really desires what you really want,

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whether that is sex, appreciation,

relationships, whatever that might be,

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but there's also that deeper thought,

that ability to see in yourself what

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it is that you really want to manifest,

what you really have as higher aims,

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whether that's from an educational

perspective, whether that's from a job

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perspective, whether that's even just

the sense of belonging in a familial

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type of relationship: a husband, a wife,

kids, regardless of what that might be.

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The concept of being able to manifest

this means that you have to start

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somewhere, and purpose helps us to

create that context, that direction

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in which we're able to push, so if

you haven't figured out where you want

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to push in your life, start simple.

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Write down what it is that you

really want to live life for.

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Maybe it is for your kids.

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Maybe it is for yourself, because

that's all you have to worry about right

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now because you're young, and that's

perfectly alright too if it's just you.

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Maybe it's for your dog,

your goldfish perhaps.

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Regardless of what it might be, we

all have a desire of wanting to go a

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direction that we always wanted to go.

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The enduring question of how we start

over means that we also look at not

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just the purpose, but how much we're

really willing to feed into this.

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How much are we really able to pour

into the day to day, making ourselves

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feel better, and better, and better?

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Different perspectives, especially

traveling across the world, which we

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just had Monica Mangelson on the show

talking about this in her own digital

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nomad journey, really exemplifies

how we can even have this from a

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whole international perspective.

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If you do have the ability to

travel, go and see how people

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live different lifestyles.

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Some of them are living it really

fast, wanting to get a lot done.

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Some of them are taking it at an average

pace, and then some people are taking it

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very, very slowly, and there's nothing

wrong with being a little slow to make

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your point come across, but even then, if

you wanted me to talk at a faster speed,

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and I'm sure that you really sped up

through that last part, you have to learn

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how to be able to work at your own pacing.

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I think that we're always swayed by

what everybody else is doing, thinking

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that we need to be where they're at, and

that's why when we try to create this

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manifestation of a new beginning, we

have to go super fast, because we have

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to catch up to everybody else, but I have

learned, even through my own experiences,

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that that is not necessarily true.

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What I thought I had to do over and

over again, especially after I moved

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out of my parent's place, meant that

I needed to also compensate for all

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the other things that they were doing

for me, so it did make me slower.

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I had to learn some of the things

that they've already been doing for

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many, many, many, many years, and they

didn't learn the same way that I had

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to learn, because I had to go through

my own hurdles, my own experiences.

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You see where I'm coming at?

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We all learn at different rates, because

of all the different things that happen

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to us, so give yourself some grace.

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Give yourself that ability to say

that it's okay to go slow through this

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time period, because, let's face it.

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We're not super fast sometimes

when we're learning something new.

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It might take us a few tries

before we actually master it.

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It might take us a few more obstacles

to overcome, and that other person might

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have never had to deal with, but yet

we have to deal with it now, because

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we never learned from our parents, our

grandparents, mentors, coaches, teachers,

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whoever that might be, and as a result

of that we have to learn some grace.

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The last thing I have to say about

this subject, which really ties it all

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together, is that when we are feeling

like the end of the world is happening

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because we're not getting to where we

need to be, we're not getting to exactly

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where these situations should have been

in the first place, we have to be able

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to stop completely, and ask ourselves:

What is it that we need to do now to

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change our ability so that we are not

leading down that same path that we once

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were, repeating the same old mistakes

that got us there in the first place?

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When I tried to end my life almost five

years ago now, I had to relearn many of

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the things, many of the bad habits, that

I thought were the right things to do.

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Some of those examples included the way

in which I processed negativity, how

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I had relationships with women, how I

had to deal with my own struggles of

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self confidence, imposter syndrome, let

alone my own negativity about what other

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people would say, think, or do about me,

but also, work through some of the most

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toughest shit that nobody I would ever

wish on my worst enemy, had to go through.

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I had to struggle, but I also know that

as I continue to build this whole new

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beginning for myself, which included

opening this business, extending myself

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in the podcast, and expanding my ever

growing portfolio of services, I had

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to learn that it's okay to fail, that

it's okay that people might not agree

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with me, that it's okay that even

when things are really tough, I know

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that I can get to the other side.

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That personal vendetta for myself, which

I thought I had something to prove, was

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starting to wash away in my own life.

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Every single time that I took a big step

back, I realized that I was doing the

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same things that I was doing before.

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I had to relearn some of those bad

habits so that I could learn good habits

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to create that new beginning too, but

all that I had to do was make sure

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that I had the right influences, the

right people, the right words being

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said to me, but also having an open

heart, and an open mind, to have that

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willingness to change, and I have to say.

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If it wasn't for people like you, my

listeners, let alone all the people that

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I've had on this show, I would not be

half the person that I am today, and

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that, in itself, shows that progress

comes in many leaps and forms, and no

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matter what anybody might say to you,

it's okay if you need that extra hand,

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or that extra extension, to be able

to say to yourself, "You are worthy."

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I think that we try to aim for perfection

when we try to start over, which is

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why it's so hard to then get people

on the same page as you, which is why,

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especially in times like this that we're

going through this year, it can be very

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tough, and I know that the past few

weeks have been even more challenging

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for some people over others, because of

not only the things that have happened

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in this world, especially this past

month, but also how we feel about each

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other, how we're able to feel like we're

not making any progress, how we can

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overcome these stereotypical attitudes

and behaviors that we often fall into;

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that basic primal instinct, but as one

of the things that I've learned about

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life and even working with my clients,

it's about not only just perspective.

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It's also about how we can learn from each

other how to become better human beings,

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giving ourself grace when we're starting

over, but also reflecting on what is

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right, wrong, and indifferent, so that we

can become better individuals, so that we

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can become the best versions of ourselves.

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Whenever you see someone ever in

your life again after listening

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to today's episode going through a

whole new beginning, do me a favor.

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Watch them.

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If they fall, help them

pick themselves back up.

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If you see them do something wrong,

help them with correcting why that

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was wrong, and being patient and

kind with them, but also, as Mr.

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Fred Rogers would say, especially when

he invited others in the neighborhood,

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have a cup of coffee ready for them.

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Have tea.

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Have cookies, regardless of what it is,

have a graceful, charitable heart to be

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able to share what might come on their

mind, and be simple in terms of the

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lessons that they can learn from you.

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Even if you think you have

nothing to share, trust me.

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You have a lot to share, and as I've even

said on other episodes, what you might

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have to share on your heart might be much

greater and much bigger, especially as

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I shared with you in a previous episode

about James Doohan, the character from

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Star Trek, playing Engineer Scotty, who

is able to share so much perspective, and

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the fan who has been able to save their

life because of the impact he had, which

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he didn't even realize he was able to do.

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That person was able

to restart their life.

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They were able to ask that question, and

get a whole new beginning, so why not you?

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If you're one of those that is on the

fence, or you know somebody that's on

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the fence of wanting to change their

lives, just know that if you create

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a space, you create an environment in

which they're able to learn from each

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other, to learn how to grow, to be able

to begin that whole new journey, you're

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not only doing them a service, but

you're also doing yourself a service.

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You're helping a whole new generation,

and a whole new set of people, become

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the best versions of themselves,

and it's pretty damn rewarding when

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you're able to have that voice that

is saying to yourself, "I am worthy.",

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instead of saying, "I am not worthy."

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Who would have ever thought that

characters in our lives, all the people,

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whether they're past, present, or future,

can have such an immediate impact,

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because once you find your purpose,

once you figure out what it is that

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you really want to do, even if you take

a long time to get to it, and even if

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you have to stop and reflect, remember,

the whole world is your oyster, and I

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think it's pretty amazing when you find

that pearl inside that oyster that you

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can show others and be able to help

them become not just better, but also

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helping them with a hand, extended out,

to carry them wherever they want to go.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 171 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.