In this episode, The B-Movie Boys confront one of the strangest films ever committed to VHS: Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977). Born from demonic heartbreak and powered by bubbling acid fluids, this sentient piece of furniture spends 77 agonizing minutes quietly consuming anyone foolish enough to take a nap.

We unpack the movie’s baffling lore, glacial pacing, and surprisingly earnest ambition, while debating whether a film can be boring and admirable at the same time. Along the way, they explore cursed beds, cursed filmmaking, and why sheer audacity might matter more than entertainment value. The Schlockometer is deployed. Science is disrespected. The bed is still hungry.

Mentioned in this episode:

1. George Barry
2. Patton Oswalt
3. Dan Brown
4. Gordon Ramsay
5. The Shawshank Redemption
6. Alka-Seltzer, probably

Our Links:

1. BMovieBoys.com
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Incoming transmission. Incoming transmission. Let's boogie.

Welcome to the B Movie Boys, where B movies get the love they deserve and the respect that they don't.

I'm Dave Michaels.

I'm Bryan Betz.

And this week on the program, we're very, very sleepy boys.

I could go for a nap right now, but I shouldn't.

Because you're also hungry.

I'm not, but my bed might be.

Have you ever seen Death Bed? The Bed that Eats?

Of course not. Have you?

Of course not. But now I've seen it twice.

I mean, that certainly is a choice to have watched it again.

I know.

And the only reason I watched it again after me and you watched it during our schlock hop with a bunch of other friends, because I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I mean, that's fair. I also have not been able to stop thinking about it.

But then I had to figure out what was I thinking about. And, Bryan, the same DNA runs through this movie that runs through Birdemic. Except this one's weirder somehow.

Weirder.

Do you want to get into it to figure out if this thing is like a good B movie, a good art house, like a good exploitation flick? What is this?

What is the Death Bed? I think we need to use the Schlockometer to find that out.

And we did a little bit of construction on the Schlockometer. It's gonna be under construction for a bit. Chill out.

Yeah. It's gonna take some time to get it tuned in properly.

That's how science works.

You don't just invent a brand new meter and it works on the first go.

That'd be way too arbitrary to the point that I wouldn't believe anything he said. There's no substance behind anything. Nothing.

Precision instrument. And what we've done is rearrange the categories we've had for the last two weeks. Yeah. So we move some stuff around. It's the same score.

It's the same system. Just a 1.1, if you will.

And I can almost guarantee there'll be a 1.2.

Yeah. And at some point, probably a 2.0.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Where it's going to be like B movies, Are they the real C movies?

And we're going to just probably go down a rabbit hole that no one ever asked for this happen.

We can't start the C movie, boys.

What do they watch? Whatever they see. Get it, dad? Movies.

All of that to say that the first category in a schlockometer is now the Audacity. And before we can decide what the audacity is, we have to tell you a tale about a Death Bed. That is a bed that eats.

I want everybody to keep in mind that one, you could go watch this on YouTube right now if you were so inclined. And two, it's 77 minutes long and you somehow feel 94 of them.

You do feel all 94 minutes of this 77 minute movie.

This was a chore.

It helps to watch it with people.

You're absolutely right. But first we need to have breakfast. A horny young couple trespasses into an abandoned mansion.

They christen the evil bed and they immediately get Ian. The bed does not cuddle, but it does eat their chicken.

Because you bring chicken into the abandoned mansion hoping to get lucky.

He brought a chicken leg like it was a fucking gogurt.

It was in a bucket.

So is a go gurt. It's in its own little sort of yogurt on the go bucket.

He also brought wine and two apples. So, you know, a complete meal.

Maybe for the Colonel, like, this is his way of flirting. It's fire, like in God. And you're like, God, Colonel, I told you to stop saying that. You're going to get canceled.

There is an artist trapped in a painting and he happens to be our narrator.

No, hold on, hold on, hold on. You said that there's an artist trapped in a painting, right?

It's more like a box.

This isn't like a fat lady guarding Gryffindor tower trapped in a painting. That is not what this is.

No, no. This is like a two way mirror with a guy in a box in the wall.

This is a man who's getting held back by paper and canvas and he's just in a wall.

He was spared death by the bed, but cursed with immortality and forced to watch the bed murder people forever after.

They do the sexes on the bed.

Usually that happens first. The bed is very patient with the sexing, and then it gets to the.

Eating as you do. What?

Yeah, naturally. Chicken wings, first, sex later.

I gotta imagine that if, like, George Costanza walked in and took a nap in the Death Bed, the entire fabric of space time might implode on itself. Might implode in on itself.

He's gonna like pull out a sandwich and start eating mid coitus and then the bed's just gonna be like, Yeah, the bed makes those noises the entire movie.

It sure does. The bed makes the strangest sounds.

This movie is almost entirely ADRs'd strictly for budgetary reasons. So, you know, if there's just a man, probably not in a booth, probably just sitting in this basement underneath the blanket, going, Gross.

You know what? Maybe this is like our. Our ADR of it. If, like, everyone sat on a waterbed. They're like, that's comfy, cozy, briefly.

And everyone's like, I wonder what it's like in there. It's like you can find out if you go and get yourself a Death Bed from Tempur-Pedic.

I'm fairly certain it's filled with piss.

And Alka Seltzer, as opposed to piss and vinegar. Because that thing would, like, run through a wall if it were full of that.

Yeah, well, I mean, you need the active bubbles.

It's true. It is Mountain Dew and Alka Seltzer.

Okay. Yeah.

For Mellow Yellow. It is a yellow soda that contains yellow five. So basically, your testes are fucked either way, no matter what happens.

If this bed eats you or not, that's the one, right? It's the yellow five that messes up the balls.

That's what they say. Or what they used to say. I don't know anymore.

I don't know anymore either. I don't know what science is because they're just like, hey, here's what's healthy now. And they literally just turn the food pyramid upside down.

They're like, there, nice and balanced. Like, that's not how triangles work.

Remember how we had it before? The opposite of that. We really fucked up. Sorry.

What you should have been doing is eating the Death Bed diet of eating young teens and. And people who wander across this bed.

In the woods just finding a Death Bed by happenstance.

Jesus Christ. This movie.

This movie.

Yeah. That's breakfast. We had breakfast. Yum, yum, yum. In my tum tum tum Lunch is three women. Diane, Sharon, and Susan.

And they're on a countryside road trip. They discover the ruins of the mansion. Because this movie is aggressively committed to bad decisions. And it commits. That's something.

It's certainly commitment.

This movie is fully committed to what it wants to be. Ask what it wants to be.

What's it want to be?

Oh, it has no idea.

It's committed to having no idea.

We're going to get there, which is insane, but we will.

Susan is along for the ride with these other women, and she's kind of, like, separate. She doesn't want to hang out with them. So she goes and lays on the bed.

And that was a bad choice because the bed strangles Susan with her own crucifix necklace, demonstrating that it fears neither God nor subtle symbolism.

Do you get it?

Do you get it?

Do you get it?

It was just rubbing that necklace against her neck and didn't even decapitate her. I was pretty bummed.

We gotta figure out a new Jon Favreau salute or something. Because Jon Favreau is the most heavy handed director in the Marvel Cinematic universe.

And we've came to terms with it because it was hysterical at first. We're like, no, sometimes you need that.

Yeah, maybe George Barry is our Jon Favreau of B movies.

Oh, boy. I don't know. Because he's doing too good of a job sometimes.

Sometimes.

Either way, there's nothing subtle about this movie.

No. Because even when you think there's going to be some subtlety, they just tell you what's happening.

I feel like Robert Langdon from, like, the Da Vinci Code. He's a symbologist. I feel like he would look at this movie and literally aneurysm and die.

There's nothing to solve here. There's no symbolism. It's all symbolism.

There's nothing to solve. Why did you call me in? I was busy being a Tom Hank somewhere else.

There isn't a single ambigram in this movie. That's a word that, when you look at it upside down, reads the same or different, but it's still a word.

Did you just teach us something?

This is from Angels and Demons, the second book.

That is a really good book, too. I think that's the best of the book.

I don't know.

No, you don't know.

I never finished it. I own it. Never finished it.

Well, this is a great conversation. The new one came out not too long ago and it's fine.

I'm sorry. Are they still making them?

They just made, like, the newest one. And I'm sitting here right now trying to think of what the name is, and it's sitting on my nightstand.

And that should tell you how memorable this one is.

It's got real ready player three energy.

Oh, dear. Can it. That would make it interesting. At least to the bed. It suddenly reacts in pain around Sharon, bleeding uncontrollably.

And the artist realizes she resembles the bed's original quote, unquote. Mother.

Bed's got a mom.

I don't even think Freud sat up in his grave. I think you're just gonna hear Like, a really muffled. From, like, his casket. It's like, oh, what the fool? But in German or whatever.

Does this bed have an oedipus complex?

An oedipus complex to what? Like, a woman died in it, and then there was blood. Now it's just like, mommy.

Yeah.

We're debating it, which means it's not subtle. That's not great for anything we just said.

Whoops, I found a hole in our theory.

That's not great. George Barry, you got us on the hooks now.

Well, good thing we're on the hook, because now it's time for a surreal montage showing the bed passing from owner to owner over decades, devouring people across history. Because nothing says legacy like generational mattress violence.

That's gross, right? Like, just the thought of the bed and different people sleeping it over time.

That'S gross for hundreds of years.

Like, doing it at a hotel is enough to be like, all right, I'm willing to stuff it down for tonight. I'm willing to do that.

Right? I can. I can get over the hump for the hump.

Ooh, I don't know. I. I don't care for a story about a bed being passed down. I don't like it.

You might as well, like, pass down, like, sandals or something, too, and just gross things.

Yeah, but you're. No one having sex in the sandals.

They're hippies. They might.

That's fair.

No, that's not true. We actually saw bare feet later in this movie, and they were the grossest feet I've ever seen in my life.

There were quite a few foot shots in this movie.

There are. And I, like, they look like they're hobbit feet, except, you know that they're not, because of the lack of budget.

And also, they're humans and not a Frodo. 70s feet are weird.

70S feet.

I'm understanding Quentin Tarantino has a really specific kink now.

Yeah, yeah. Feet have evolved in the last 40 years, I guess.

Quentin Tarantino, maybe not so much. He's coming out a bit of a dick lately, isn't he?

It kind of feels a little bit like he's trying to stay relevant, which is a crazy thing to say about Quentin Tarantino, but I don't know.

He has been, but he has this whole thing of like, I'm gonna make 10 movies. I'm gonna make 10 movies. I'M gonna make 10 movies. And then he started making his 10th movie and then canceled it because it wasn't the 10th movie.

And now it's just I don't know. He's. He's almost like grasping at straws. It's like, I gotta be able to still. I can make the top movie. I gotta get down it. I gotta get that feet.

It's just gonna be a montage of feet. That's the 10th movie. Three hours with an intermission. Just feet, feet, feet.

I can just see now, like, the critics looking at this thing at wherever Sundance ends up, and it's just the feet thing. And their only complaint is like, oh, well, he did a really bad job getting the wax pencil marks off the film after he was done editing.

They're not wax pencil, buddy. Bryan, do you have any clue what's going on so far? This movie, besides the bed is eating people.

That's, I think, all you need to know at this point. And there's a guy in the wall.

You think that's all you need to know? Yeah.

Bed's eating people. There's a guy in the wall telling us all about it.

Well, I got some good news for you, my friend.

Oh, there's more.

Backstory.

Yeah, backstory.

That's a bummer. Fucked her to death on a bed made of himself.

Exactly. Liars. Symbolism. What does it mean? No one knows.

No one knows. I know his eyes turn into glass or something and break.

And then he weeps tears of blood onto the bed, accidentally animating it and turning it into a sentient piece of furniture with a hunger for human bodies. So the demon traps himself in a.

Tree about it, as you do. In fairness, though, do you know what the alternative to trapping yourself in a tree about it is instead of living as this sentient furniture?

I have no idea.

You don't need to worry about the secret word.

Oh, that's true. Secret word.

And like some sort of anti cicada, the tree demon. It's just got to take a little napping nap once every decade, and it's fine.

I mean, that seems reasonable. If you're going to live in a tree and possess a bed, take a nap every 10 years.

It's only taken, like, at this point, eight naps. I'd be hungry, too. I get it.

I'm only allowed to sleep every 10 years. I'm going to eat some people who be fucking.

And they are. Sometimes they're not. This bed and its moral compass doesn't have one. It's bed guys.

It's a bed. If somebody lays in it, they're getting chomped.

They sure are. Or are they? This bed needs teeth. But also I'm happy it doesn't.

I'm kinda liking the Mountain Dew acid.

Just sucking it on in.

Sometimes it needs to drink some Pepto Bismol. If it had a particularly ripe human I guess.

I mean again they're hippies. They have a natural dank to them.

Yeah. Need to settle my stomach after that one.

Oh, hempy.

Naturally. Dinner time is next. Diane falls asleep on the bed smoking a cigarette as you do.

She wakes up mid consumption, struggles to escape for roughly a quarter of the movie, then gets dragged back by the sheets and eaten. While Sharon fails to help in any possible way, she shows up, she can't do anything to help her friend.

This lady gets half eaten by the bed, pulls herself out like she's the grandma in the lake in Dante's Peak and crawls her way across the cement basement floor. For Ken's 77 minute movie this may have taken 88 minutes, 89 minutes roughly for her to get across this floor.

Something like that. And then pulling herself up the stairs. And then we get the cut to the scene outside where she's pulling herself out the door.

It goes on for so long only for the sheets to whip out from the bed and wrap around her ankle and drag her back. And it's like you couldn't have done.

This an hour ago but would you have had the same reaction if they had done it an hour ago?

No, no.

This was a. A director playing a finely tuned piano here of just like this is going to piss off the audience.

And it did.

Sharon's brother's gonna show up and he's looking for and he immediately gets trapped in this house room, basement, place of bed. He tries to stab the bed and he loses his head down to the bone because he tried to stab a death bed.

This might have been my favorite part of the movie because he puts up the heads, he stabs the bed, his hands are in the bed, he drops the knife. Somehow the knife drops underneath the bed. I don't understand how the bed works at this point because now things can fall through the bed.

But also if you crawl under the bed you can get sucked up.

You can get sucked up into the bed. So like what are the rules for this bed? There are none. If you're near the bed you're going to get eaten. Unless you're this guy.

This is the magnets of nighty night furniture.

It is how do they work? But this man has his hands in the Mountain Dew piss, Alka seltzer liquid.

And you just know when he pulls his hands out that they're going to be skeleton hands.

There's no way they're not going to be skeleton hands.

And then he picks them up and they're just full on skeleton hands. And it made me so happy.

It's a thing of beauty, man.

So good.

Absolute chef's kit. This is even a chef's kid. This is chefs making out with each other.

Oh, sexy chefs.

Sexy chefs. It's like Gordon Ramsay holding a mirror too close to his face. You have to imagine he does it. He's the guy who does it.

That man likes to kiss his reflection.

Roger said he does.

And then he calls it an idiot.

And then he just jerks off, just out of nowhere. And then he begins the day.

Yeah.

Makes delicious food for you. Doesn't wash his hands.

Scrambled eggs, the Gordon Ramsay way. First you look in the mirror.

I have to imagine that every single time Gordon Ramsay comes, like, you know, in Blades of Glory, when they absolutely nail it. And he says, thank you, Stockholm.

Yeah.

Like, I feel like Gordon Ramsay has that type of finisher line. But instead, his is like, time to make the donuts.

Oh, it's bloody raw. That's my special ingredient. I went Australian. I shouldn't have gone Australian.

Gore Ramsay, Australian for coming. You ready for dessert?

I'm so ready for dessert.

So just desserts. Our final chapter. The demon falls asleep. The artist explains a ritual. Sharon dies performing it.

The bed's resurrected quote unquote, mother completes the ritual by having sex with Sharon's brother. If you're not following along, that is just fine, because this bed is going to spontaneously burst into flames.

The art is finally going to get to die. Everyone loses, including us as the audience, because 77 minutes of our precious life fucking minutes are gone.

But the bed's going to lose the hardest. Except it doesn't, because it lit on fire. We can only hope for that type of a release from Death Bed.

Is it a good movie? No, no, no, it's not.

But that's not what we're here to figure out, buddy.

No, no, it isn't. We're here to figure out if it's a good B movie.

The audacity.

How insane was the idea? Did they commit? This idea was bonkers.

Death Bed: The Bed that Eats People. According to Patton Oswalt. He recognized how insane this was as just a title.

Yeah.

The audacity.

The audacity is high on this one.

It's really high. Does it pull it off?

I mean, the bed does eat.

It sure does. It eats a lot too.

It's a hungry bed.

It's a very hungry bed.

I think it's pretty audacious.

I'm going a full blown 10. This is insane.

Yeah. I think conceptually you don't get much crazier than a bed that eats people.

No, especially just like Death Bed: The Bed that Eats People. And that is pretty much the entire Patton Oswalt joke.

Yeah.

Except it's not. It goes a whole lot deeper into this whole how hard it is to actually write and how hard it is to sell. And then going through it. We'll get there.

Maybe I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Death Bed.

But the Bed that eats exists. Yeah. 10. Next category is the Heart. Does this movie have heart?

This movie has no budget.

No $30,000.

It's to the point that George Barry had a VHS offer from a company in the 80s and had to turn it down because he couldn't come up with $3,000 to put together a proper credit sequence for the end of the movie. That's how tight the budgeting was for these little independent movies. Like $3,000 was too much.

That's insane.

The Patton Oswalt joke goes that this man wrote and made a movie called Death Bed: The Bed that Eats and that Pat Oswald has written, sold four different movies and didn't have to work nearly as hard on them because Death Bed: The Bed that Eats, it exists. It's a man who saw a concept and saw it all the way through.

This man woke up from a dream and said, I'm making this movie, damn it.

That seems to happen a lot with B movies. Is that heart should be the no brainer in all of this because you have to know what you're doing.

And I'm not saying like what you're doing technically. I'm saying, you know, what you're committing to film and what you have possibly gonna have. Vision.

Yeah.

George Barry is like the Shane Falco of the B movie world in the sense that it's miles and miles of heart to get this thing out there.

Yeah. And you can tell that there's a level of care here that's ah, it's weird. It's weird to put into words because like, you know, it's not a good movie.

But you can tell that somebody lovingly Put it together.

But you can also tell that they don't care how. So when we get to genre exploitation, I want to talk about that a little bit more.

The way that this movie's constructed and kind of a few things that it does pull off really, really well. This movie does pull off a lot. Well, I don't want to admit it, but it does.

I agree with you.

Heart through the Roof, buddy. Again, it's huge. It's big. I'm going nine.

I like nine.

He would have gotten a 10 if he would have found that $3,000.

It was. We'll get there. But I mean, the story behind this movie's. Oh, God, it's so fascinating.

Yeah. Now, he mentioned that we were talking about vision, not technical competence, which brings us to our next category, Technical incompetence.

This is not an incompetent movie.

Not at all. I completely agree.

It's a movie that understands its financial constraints and just leans in, even with the bony hands clearly being like a skeleton. It's like, yeah, that's the best you could do. Fine.

Yeah.

It's not that important yet. You're telling a story, and that's a small part of it.

Yeah. This is a very competent movie.

George Barry knew what he was doing. He put this thing together. He had a really, really good cinematographer in Robert Fresco that threw this thing together.

He would go on to be the cinematographer for the movie Prom Night. So he's very much in his element by doing this. He's a documentary filmmaker.

This movie does have a lot of cinema verite, kind of winks and nods to it. And they had to, because they were filming at, like, an active commune for the most part in Michigan Wild.

Yeah. They were doing crazy stuff, too, with, like, filming things in reverse and. Yeah.

It's just there's so much fun stuff here that I feel like, unfortunately for B movies, this is gonna score very low on the technical incompetence.

And it's even to the point that, like, again, this was made over five years.

Yeah.

And he understood that he was making a movie kind of without sound on location, just because sound's really hard to do on location because you have to have full control over or else you're not gonna get clean recording at all.

Right.

But it's also expensive to do on location. So he just said, hey, I'm not gonna do that.

So instead, the actors just kind of look at each other with hair kind of covering their mouth while they're talking to each other to cover up what's going on. But it also adds this weird haunting quality.

There's a lot of internal monologue, too.

So basically he made an Italian movie without the Italian. Or the style.

Yeah.

Or the. Anything that Fellini did. Italian movies back then wouldn't record sound on location.

Right.

So they would go back in the studio and they would record. And that's why the mouths never really line up with the actor's words all the time. It was just easier to do very, very big in Fellini movies.

Yeah. For sure.

This used it in a really cool haunting quality. This is a really competent movie.

A lot of internal monologue, voiceovers.

This is a student film, basically.

Yeah. It was right out of college. Right.

Wayne State University. He threw this thing together. This is a really competent movie.

Incredibly.

Say what you want about the quality of what was put on screen, this person knew how to make a movie.

Absolutely.

And that's frustrating.

He didn't break any of those rules.

None of them. None. I'm going to go zero.

Zero. Yeah.

Maybe a one, maybe a two. Like Max, too. Because most of it's just financial constraint.

Exactly. And that's really handled by our next category, which is low budget ingenuity.

It's pretty high.

I agree. Like you said with the Fellini thing with the doing audio completely separate, just to save money. And just some of the effects that they use in this.

And. Yeah.

Like it's this bubbling effect. Like this acid effect that you get. And we see inside the bed because we see like the naked women and people kind of like floating in there.

It's like the worst James Bond movie opening ever.

I have so many questions about how big this tank is that they use for this. Because you do you see people in it, but sometimes you just see a skull or a little shoe and there's usually blood.

Unless for some reason it's an internal organ. Then there's no blood.

Then there's no blood at all. Choice or everything bleeds, Bryan. Everything except that. Except the thing. You think the thing that's exclusively used for pumping blood.

No, that doesn't obvi.

No, that's just gonna sit there, actually. Because we don't. We want to make sure people can see that it is a horror.

Low budget ingenuity. It took him five years to film this thing for a reason. Yeah. He took his time to make the movie he wanted to make.

I want to say he started out with a $10,000 budget. So part of taking that much time was also just finding more funds to continue making it.

Making it on film. Film's expensive to shoot on.

Yeah, big time.

I'm going with a seven.

That sounds about right to me. I think there are some missed opportunities to do something absolutely insane. Like we've seen in maybe Toxic Avenger or Birdemic.

Real money saving stuff.

But did the story call for it?

Not really. When you say that way. Yeah. I mean, this is a much smaller scale.

It is. And he kept this thing very within, like, the guardrails that he set out for himself. This is a fascinating movie, this demon bed.

And all of time that's happened around it. And the guy stuck in the wall.

And the guy stuck in the wall, he's like, on the opposite side of the Rita Hayworth poster. Much different movie.

So different.

Can you imagine Tim Robbins, like, punching a hole in that? Like, what the.

This guy's just behind a poster. He could have walked out at any time. But he's like, I'm just gonna watch this bed eat people.

You see, like, the warden throwing the rock through it. Ow. What the heck? He's behind the wall. Different guy.

Get busy sleeping or get busy getting.

Eaten by your demon Alcatraz bed or something.

I think a 7 for low budget ingenuity.

I think that's perfect.

The next category is genre exploitation.

Wanna ask a question?

Yeah, ask away.

What genre?

Some sort of surrealist folk horror. According to Wikipedia, the way that George.

Barry threw this thing together was he started shooting it as a fairy tale, which is the appropriate way to go about it.

Okay, that explains the look a lot too.

But then he also leaned into the horror part of it and started shooting as a horror movie while already having established this fairy tale quality to it. And then in the editing room, he started assembling the movie back as a fairy tale again.

That's fascinating.

And a lot of critics who have watched this movie say that it gives this movie kind of like this loopy aura. Yeah, because it feels very surreal where it's kind of flirting with different genres while not ever going fully into either.

Yeah, it never really commits to either, but it does an interesting job with playing with both at the same time.

Again, confident.

It's weird because it comes across at certain points like it doesn't know what it wants to be. But I think it does.

I think that might be the point. And I'm not totally sure about that. And it's just based on where this director went after that.

I'm not totally sure that that's the intention behind it, but this is such a strange movie because of all the things that it is. Like this weird amalgamation of things had to come together for Death Bed: The Bed that Eats to even exist.

And it's so unique because the genre that it exploits is kind of its own.

It does kind of feel like a dark fairy tale. Like a Brothers Grimm kind of fable.

Yeah.

Where, you know, they kind of end where like. Oh, yeah, and everybody died while also.

Being an indie art house flick. Yeah.

I mean, it's. It didn't have any other option.

No, it didn't.

It is all there.

But then also using, like, negative acting to kind of lean into the. Make your own assumption, I guess, about these characters quality to it.

Yeah. It's almost like a lack of direction.

There's a reason I watched this movie twice, Bryan.

I'm starting to understand I might need to watch it again.

I don't know about that. Didn't get any shorter, I tell you.

Just talking about it to people made me go, do I want to watch this again? It's great. It sounds insane, but it kind of makes more sense when you actually watch it.

I think I'm going down the middle for genre exploits with the Five. Yeah.

I agree, because it has its split genres and it's not really leaning into any tropes, but it's doing those genres well.

It is doing them well.

But I wouldn't say it's exploiting anything.

No. Agreed.

5. The next category is the Holy Trinity. Blood. Boobs. Booms.

We got two of them real fast.

We got blood for sure. We got a lot of boobs.

So much blood. So many boobs.

No splosions.

No splosions.

But there were some pretty decent pyrotechnics at the end with the bed on fire.

You only had one shot at it.

Yeah. And I don't know if you can count that as booms because it didn't really explode. It just kind of ignited spontaneously while it teleported.

Did it teleport?

I'm not entirely sure.

I think it teleported while what's her name sacrificed her life to bring back of the bed's mom so her brother could have sex. I don't know. It's very confusing.

I don't know. I don't know. Death Bed: The Bed that Eats. Trying to do it yet. I don't know what the message is.

No idea. But it has blood and it has boobs.

Two out of three. Meatloaf Math. That ain't bad. That's a seven.

Next category is memorable characters.

I'm going to forget all these people the second we stop recording this episode.

If I didn't, like, go to the Wikipedia page, I would not have been able to tell you any of their names.

When bed is the only character I'm going to remember in that is the bed that eats.

Honestly, the most important character.

I'm going with a 0.

00. Do we give points to the bed? I don't know.

No, I don't think so.

It's a sentient bed.

It's a sentient bed. Give the pet a point. Let the bed have one.

You get. You get one point.

Bed.

Next category is quotes.

There's not a whole lot in this.

There's barely any dialogue.

I know. I'm gonna go zero again. I'm not even having an argument discussion. There's nothing. There's nothing here.

Totally agree. Entertainment value.

Holy shit. It's low.

This is another one of those instances where it's a movie that's more fun to talk about than it is to watch.

It's more fun to talk about because there is so much going on. But watching it is a chore.

Absolutely.

77 minutes again, and my goodness, do you feel every one of them.

Not a long movie. It shouldn't feel this long.

It shouldn't. I mean, things happen. You're like, oh, surely we're towards the. Holy shit. We just hit the halfway point. I do not find this movie entertaining.

And that's having watched it twice in the last two days.

Yeah, I only watched it once, so I think that might be why my opinion of it is a little bit higher than yours.

Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?

I'm at maybe like a three.

I will happily go with a three.

Okay.

That. I mean, I was able to stomach it a second time. Again. Yeah, like, this isn't. That's something I've ever seen.

I. I'd much rather watch Death Bed: The Bed that Eats than ever watch Spawn again.

That's fair. I agree with that.

Show me a bed that is just over whatever John Leguizamo is doing. Friend of the show John Leguzamo. There was.

There was a scene that was just a close up of a woman's foot. And this. The bed sounds going, oh, God. And I'm like, what is happening?

It's so gross. I don't care for those noises.

Three for entertainment value. Which brings us to our final category. Cult ability.

This movie has one of the most interesting backstories.

It really does.

A bootleg VHS comes out of this movie in Great Britain, and people think that one of the screenings that he had for this movie, the projectionist just made a copy of it.

Sure, why not?

This movie starts circulating in all these underground circles, like the whole midnight movie, B movie, horror movie, slasher, whatever you want to call it.

Grindhouse.

Yeah.

It's just a thing of the past now.

Except he's on the Internet on a website called Scarlet street, and he sees a thread of a user asking about this movie that he heard of about a man eating bed, to which George Barry says, hey, hold on a minute. I made that movie.

And all of a sudden, George Barry learns that his movie has been circulating in kind of all the circles he wanted for the last 20 years.

That's so cool.

The audience was always there and he never knew.

Right.

Movie gets a DVD release, it gets eventually a Blu Ray release with, like, famous horror scholars talking on it and whatnot. George Barry still never made another movie. He's retired.

Crazy.

The one movie that he made, it found the audience that he wanted it to find the entire time, and he never knew it. And to me, I can't decide if that's, like, the most inspirational thing in the world or the saddest thing in the world.

And I'm okay with it being either. It's.

Yeah, it's a little bit of both. I mean, it's.

It's cool that his creation, without even releasing it officially, found the people it was intended for, but sad that he didn't know it was happening.

But also, it sounds like he doesn't mind. Yeah, he just ran this bookstore for a couple decades Retired and he's got his family. Like, that was always the priority. He never looked back.

Like, you know what would be great? If I went to Universal Studios and made Death Bed two. The Death Bed: The That Eats More bird dead.

The Bed That Eats Beds.

That's some sort of Inception stuff right there.

Yeah, I mean, the natural progression. Tree demon, the tree that eats.

Cult ability, man.

The fact that this movie even exists because of piracy is pretty neat.

Yeah. Suck a dick, Lars Ulrich. It is used for good sometimes.

After all that, though, does this movie belong in midnight screening?

Not in the traditional sense. I don't think people are going to come out drinking their skotchkas or running out with, like, wire hangers.

Right.

Or, like, doing the time warp altogether. Like, that's not this movie.

It is more fun to watch with friends.

It's a lot more fun to watch her friends. Like, watching this thing alone. It felt empty. But watching it during our schlock hop, it was lovely.

There is something to be said about the cult ability there.

I'm gonna go with a six.

I like that.

It feels high enough, but not too high. There is a Patton Oswald effect here also. He made this thing kind of a household name by getting the name wrong anyway.

But that's true.

He also talked about this movie as just kind of like a passion project and why you should push forward and how you should feel if you shut down your projects. When a man made a movie called Death. The Bed that Eats, I like a.

Six for cult ability. Like, it has potential, but it's not there.

It's no secret that me and you picked out the first three movies that we were going to talk about on this show. Because the first one, we wanted something that was going to be pretty broad. Something that was like the room level of B movie.

Yeah.

And that's how we got birdemic. This one. We wanted something that's so far off the beaten path and so out there, so weird.

A movie that people have heard of, kind of, but have definitely never seen.

Just outrageous. Yeah.

I feel like we've now covered two different sides of the B movie spectrum.

Are you saying there's a third side.

Dave, There is a third side. And that third side is going to come up in two weeks.

Bryan, why don't you give us a score before I tell everyone what the third side of that spectrum is?

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah.

This Is a right down the middle.

B movie right down the middle. Kind of in line with the audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a 34.3 on IMDb and the 2.7, it has a letterbox right in the middle there.

It's totally fine. B movie. Is anything spectacular? No. Am I going to think about this movie for the rest of my life? Until the day I die? Yeah. Yeah.

Every time I get into bed,

Every time I get to bed, I have Death Bed: The Bed that Eats. The third side; are you ready for the third side, everyone?

I'm ready for the third side. I don't care if everybody else is.

The third side is that side that has actors that you know.

Famous people in my B movie.

Famous people.

Because in two weeks, our next episode, episode number three, it's kind of a roundabout way of saying it because I feel like I needed to lead up to it by describing kind of the thought process for these first three. Yeah, it's gonna get real weird for episode four, because we don't know what it is, and we're not going to know what it is until you know what it is.

We'll all find out together.

Good year.

And we're gonna be talking about the Dolph Lundgren Masters of the Universe.

Hell yeah.

I've never seen the whole thing.

Me either.

Brilliant.

And they're making a new one right now.

Brilliant again.

But Jared Leto's in it.

Less brilliant.

Less brilliant.

More punchable. I hope we got, like, a whole another Morbius thing. I just hope it's like a Jared Leto just weird thing that keeps following him now.

Yes. Oh, is it Morbin' time. But with He-Man.

Oh, man. Too much of a good thing.

I don't even know who he's playing.

Not important.

Not important at all. Oh, God, He's Skeletor. Of course he is.

Of course he is. That actually fully checks out. He got right back down to Dallas Buyers Club weight, and they're like, no, that's. That's not the right Skeletor.

We're going for Bud. That's close. If he does the voice, I'll be so happy.

If he does the voice. Lean in.

Absolutely. Lean in. Yes, please. I'll give you another Oscar just for doing the voice.

I'm sure we'll talk more about that next. Not next week, in two weeks.

Courtney Cox is there too. How about that?

What a cast. Until then, be sure to, like, subscribe, rate us, review us, do all that stuff.

So we can get in front of more listeners, and we can keep delivering you these sweet B movies ad finitum, or until we run out, which is way before infinity.

It's true.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. We're on all the big ones. Spotify, Apple Podcasts. You know where you're listening to us right now? We're there.

Just click that subscribe button and we'll continue to be there every two weeks. You can also follow us on social media. @bmovieboys. Or you can send us an email. bmovieboyspod@gmail.com. and we have an email from a listener.

I was going to say, the way you just led that in, like, you just. You just teased a little bit.

Our good buddy Phil "Hudson" Hawkins titled this email Birdemic: Snore and Bore.

Oh, boy. All right, coming in. Real hot.

Real hot. Yeah, he.

He said he's happy to hear us give Jimmy Nguyen his flowers because he tried to enjoy Birdemic but couldn't get past the third driving montage in the first act.

Yeah, we call it the first three minutes of the movie.

Yeah, this is a 40 minute idea stretched to a 90 minute film. Like butter scraped over too much bread. To borrow from our lord and savior, J.R.R. Tolkien. He does pitch us an idea, though.

In honor of James Nguyen's perseverance in creating this film, he came up with the Nguyen-Ritchie scale. A 1 through 10 measuring stick of how quickly the director makes their cuts.

No, no, that. That insinuates that James Nguyen made cuts and he did not.

In Birdemic, he would obviously be the lower end of the scale while Guy Ritchie would be the opposite end.

Is it Guy Ritchie who has the most, like, cuts per second? I remember Alex Proyes Dark City that had, like, the record for a little bit. There's like, a little over a second per cut.

We should talk Dark City one day. That movie's fascinating.

I don't know what it is. So now I'm intrigued.

Yeah, it's real good. I would love to talk about that with literally anyone.

But yeah. He pitches his Nguyen-Richie scale to measure how much the director lets the scene linger, how punchy and fast paced their dialogue is.

Obviously, Birdemic would be at the very bottom and Guy Ritchie at the very top and then "love you both. Fuck the Eagles, Phil."

Yeah, I'll always get behind Fuck the Eagles.

Absolutely.

The city of brotherly love is a garbage city. Full of garbage people.

See, now this is where we defer. I love Philly. Still hate the Eagles.

There has to be some hate. If you love the whole thing, then you're part of the problem.

That's suspicious.

It's very suspicious.

Nobody loves all of Philly.

Not even the people in Philly.

Least of all the people in Philly.

For Christmas, they just get, like, batteries every year. They don't have remotes. It's for throwing.

They're for chucking at Santa Claus.

Santa Claus Drops Off His Own choosing of Death. Oh, I had a real tough year this year at the North Pole, so I'm just bringing a couple of Deez to Philly. Say it, Mrs. Claus.

Deez nuts.

God damn it.

Why am I picturing Mel Gibson as Santa Claus now?

Same reason I'm picturing Walton Goggins as Mrs. Claus. And that's not even part of that movie.

That's not how that went. Join us on Patreon if you want to know what that reference is about.

That was a drunk Christmas episode this year where we talk about Fatman, the Mel Gibson Santa Claus movie.

We have continued the tradition of drunken Christmas episodes and also the Caped Podcasters live on on Patreon. So if you want to visit patreon.com/capedpodcasters we do have bonus content for all of our shows.

There's a lot of fun to be had all around. Bryan, you got anything else?

That is it for me.

Fantastic. Don't forget to set your VCRs for February 18th when we talk about Masters of the Universe.

But until then, keep the blood fake, the boobs real, and the booms as big as the budget allows.

The B-Movie Boys is a MacGuffin Media Network podcast hosted and produced by Dave Michaels and Bryan Betz. Edited by Dave Michaels. Social media support provided by Micah Perdue. Visit bmovieboys.com for more.