What does it look like to finally choose yourself — even when everyone around you is asking you to stay?

In this episode Kayla shares one of the most personal and significant initiations of her life — her decision to end her marriage — through the lens of the Sacred Disruptor archetype. This is a raw, honest, and deeply human conversation about what it means to stand in your truth when the people you love most are asking you not to.

Kayla explores what eclipse season brought to the surface, the moment she couldn't unsee what she knew, and what it actually feels like to become the villain in someone else's story — and choose yourself anyway.

If you are in a relationship that feels out of alignment, facing a hard decision, or learning what it means to lead from sovereignty rather than fear — this one is for you.

In this episode:

• The Sacred Disruptor archetype and the symbol of the sword at the spine
• Eclipse season and how it cracked everything open
• Ending a marriage when there was no catastrophic rupture — just misalignment
• Becoming the villain in other people's stories
• What prenuptial agreements actually are and why they matter
• The karmic loop of empathy and lineage healing

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You are never meant to walk this path alone.

You are the soul who is remembering, walking ahead of the wave, feeling the weight of what you know, the isolation of seeing what others can't, yet and deeply ready to come home to your people.

Welcome to Walk is Love.

I'm your host, Kayla Moore, priestess in training and temple keeper of the Walk is Love Temple.

This podcast is for the awakened souls who are done healing in isolation, who feel the grief and the rage of this chaotic world and want somewhere real to put it, who know that liberation, harmony, and walking as love aren't just ideals.

They are the work of our time.

Here we talk about what it actually means to look, liberate ourselves from patriarchal conditioning, weave the divine, feminine and masculine back into harmony, and show up in this world as torchbearers of the world we know is possible.

This is not spiritual bypassing.

This is the real work, the fire, the remembering, and the radical act of choosing love and community over fear and control.

Come gather around the fire, beloved.

This is where you belong.

Welcome back, beloveds, to the Walk is Love podcast.

I'm Kayla Moore, your host.

I go by she, her hers, pronouns.

I am a sacred feminine priestess in training and the Walk is Love temple keeper.

Today we are going to be diving into the archetype of the Sacred Disruptor and how this archetype has specifically shown up in my life over the last couple of months.

So the Sacred Disruptor is an archetype that is really about being so discerning in ourselves about what is in alignment in our life and what is not.

The Sacred Disruptor wields her sacred sword as one of the tools and symbols that she uses to cut away the things that are no longer in alignment to us.

Being able to fully receive love, give love, and walk as love in the world.

The Sacred Disruptor is here to confront us.

It is the part of ourselves that is not allowing us to skirt the things that we need to really see.

It is the mirror that's being held up and saying, I will not allow you to continue to move down this path until you see what is right in front of you and make the decision that is best for you and is very much in alignment with what you need and what your soul path is.

So she is kind of a no bullshit type of archetype in a very loving way.

All the archetypes, even if they are on kind of the edgy side or the confronting side, it all comes from the place of love.

It all stems from.

We are using this to continue to guide us into more right relationship with ourself, with the universe, with the earth, and with each other.

So it all stems from how do you lead more from your heart, more from a place of love, more from a place of sovereignty and power and understanding who you truly are and stop living.

From a place of trying to people please and do the things in life that other people want you to do, even if they're not in alignment for you.

So she is the one that wields the sword.

And part of working with this archetype is really thinking about this beautiful long sword and holding it at your spine.

Your spine is what allows you to really think tall and broad, to carry yourself in a way that is from a place of deep knowing and deep groundedness and not hunched over and collapsing in on yourself, from a place of shame and guilt and grief.

All of those things are completely okay.

And we all experience that.

But these archetypes invite us into straightening our spine and especially this one, bringing the sword into the sheath at your back and really feeling it, supporting your spine and holding this groundedness and this feeling of I have this sword at my back and therefore with this straitened understanding and perspective, I can make the hard decision.

I can lead from a place of love.

I can lead from a place of power within myself and choose the path that is right for me.

So how has this shown up in my life?

So we went through what is called eclipse season in August.

Every six months, there's usually about two eclipses, one on the new moon and one on the full moon.

And in August, we had a solar eclipse on, I believe it was August 12, and a lunar eclipse, I believe it was like August 26ish.

And when we have eclipse season, eclipses often feel very chaotic.

They bring a lot of energy and a lot of things that are changing.

It's kind of like astrologers.

I am not an astrologer, but astrologers will depict eclipses as the lights go off and then they come back on.

And so it's kind of like, okay, when the lights go off, things get scrambled.

Things kind of maneuver in a way that maybe you didn't think that they would.

When the lights come back on, then it's like, okay, where am I now?

How do I want to proceed after this?

And eclipse season starts two weeks before the first eclipse and ends two weeks after the second eclipse.

So it's a full like six week window that you are in.

And these eclipses were so strong and powerful.

A lot of people went through a lot of hard Things during these eclipses.

And so what hard thing did I go through?

Well, right about the time that the eclipse shadow or the first, like, couple weeks before the first eclipse was happening, I met somebody that was very kind and loving and became kind of my sacred disruptor.

They were able to hold a mirror up in front of me and hold space for what I was going through in my relationship, in my marriage, and through the experience that I had in processing through what I was going through with this person and having them really hold up mirror.

To me, of.

It doesn't sound like you actually want to be in this relationship anymore.

It doesn't sound like you want to be in this marriage anymore.

It sounds like this has been a really hard time for you.

And then gave me the permission to end my relationship.

And I will tell you that I am someone that comes from parents that were never married but were together for almost 20 years and then split it when I was about 6 or 7.

And my now ex, spoiler alert.

My now ex came from parents that also divorced when he was about 10 or 11.

And so we had always been very adamant about that was not an option.

We did not want to go down that path the way that our parents did, and we have a child together.

And that was never something that I wanted for my own child either.

So it was a very, very, very hard decision and something that I just never considered was even an option until someone said, I've been through it, and it's hard, but also, I think you could get through it too.

And once I was given that option, it kind of.

It was kind of my eclipse moment.

It, like, turned the lights off, and then when they came back on, I, like, couldn't unsee it.

I couldn't unknow it.

And I really had to sit with, is this the right decision for me?

And so I went a whole night.

I could not sleep.

I had to get up, and I sat on the couch all night long and was staring out into the night sky and just thinking about, what would it be like if I got divorced?

Could I do that?

How do I feel about that?

And the thing that kind of created the situation for me that I couldn't unsee as well was it felt like I wasn't staying because I actually wanted to stay.

It was.

I was staying because I was afraid of what divorce actually looked like and the meaning around divorce and how I would be perceived and how I would impact the people around me for making this decision.

And after having done a lot of this internal work already and Knowing that staying in a relationship out of fear of the unknown, after breaking it off, instead of actually wanting to be in a relationship was not enough to stay.

And as hard as it was, and as much fear and shame came up for me in what that potential would look like, I knew in my heart that that was the right decision.

That if there was nothing that I could point to at that point in time that I really wanted out of that relationship, I had to let it go.

And I had known for a while that we had just gotten to a point where our frequencies were not the same.

I had been growing a lot.

I have been in priestess training.

I have been doing a lot of self work for the last couple years, really.

And I've done self work.

I mean, I've done therapy for myself since I was a teenager, then becoming a therapist myself.

We do a lot of self work in that training.

And I'm just a lifelong learner.

And I've always wanted to keep learning about myself and keep growing in myself.

And so I've.

I've always done a lot of self work, but especially doing priestess training this year, it's taken me to deeper depths with these archetypes than I have ever gone before.

And I had a feeling, you know, some months back, through us going through a lot of hardship this year, that we were just at different frequencies, that I have moved beyond where he was.

And this is not, you know, a place for me to go into the ins and outs of my relationship and why it ended.

But the bottom line for me was, regardless of what had gone on in our relationship and whether or not I felt like we could continue to try to work on it, I just knew he wasn't in alignment with me anymore.

And that was the hardest part.

There were so many things that I could point to to give credit to why I wanted to end it, but really there wasn't any huge rupture.

There wasn't anything that was like, I had huge animosity towards my ex.

It was just more that we were no longer in alignment.

He was no longer someone that was on the path that I was on.

And that was something that I really had to just come to accept and to grapple with.

And so after that night that I sat up all night, I started the conversation with my ex and told him what I had sat up thinking about.

And at first I kind of hedged my desire.

I really did know that my full desire was to end the relationship.

But I had a hard time accepting that at first.

And so I first hedged the conversation with, well, I really need changes, like today, basically, or this relationship is over.

So we had some time where we didn't talk about it.

Then we talked about it again and we had kind of come to an understanding of like, okay, changes are going to be made.

But the following week, there were a lot of the same patterns that were still happening.

And I just knew, I just knew that it was like, this has to be over.

I'm not willing to wait anymore.

I'm not willing to, like, put in months or years more of work to see if this can even go anywhere in the direction that I need it to go in.

I just want it to be done.

And even then, I still, like, wasn't very direct in how I again opened the conversation.

But there had been some talk around the potential of my ex taking some time off from work and whatnot.

And I, I just, I had brought up like, well, what happens if we get divorced?

And bringing it up again, definitely told him, like, I was serious about it.

And that changed him from being curious and maybe sad about it to like, oh, shit, this is actually something she wants.

And brought him into anger.

The conversation didn't quite go as well as I was hoping it would.

He did get angry and put his ring on the table and then walked away.

So it was hard.

It was really hard.

And the first few days were a roller coaster and a lot of emotions.

But I think the one thing that I took out of it was, as hard as it was to do it, my nervous system was more afraid of the fact that my world was changing versus that I was losing him.

And it was really hard to feel like my entire life was just being pulled apart.

And I know it was a lot, and I know that was what he was feeling in that moment too.

But after we got through that first period of time and started to dive deeper into, okay, what does this mean?

What does this look like?

Things did get easier.

They nothing is ever easy when it comes to divorce.

We did try to do our divorce paperwork ourselves.

That didn't quite work as well as we thought.

There's a lot to getting divorced for anyone that has not gotten married yet that is thinking about getting married.

I just want you to understand because I did not understand this at all.

You are entering into a contract with the state.

You are entering not just in a marriage contract with your partner and their family and all the things, but you are also entering into a contract with the state.

And when you get divorced, it is based on the state's rules and the laws that are applicable to divorce and to ending a marriage.

And it's a lot.

It's a lot to sift through, so.

So just know that.

And just know that, like, I'm not here to endorse a prenuptial agreement or not, but I think a lot of us feel like prenuptial agreements are something you do when either you have a ton of money or something you do because you're kind of hedging your bet against the fact that it won't work out instead of having the hope that it will.

And I've definitely learned that prenuptial agreements are really just you writing your own contract instead of going with the default one from the state and giving yourself, you know, the full parameters of whatever you want the marriage to look like, as well as what you would want a divorce to look like if, in the case that that were to happen.

So just for anyone out there, I know there are a lot of people that are ending relationships right now due to some of the similar reasons that I have.

And so I am definitely here with you to support you in that decision.

But also, if there's anyone out there that's deciding to get married, just be aware.

Be aware of that.

I know.

I'm sure prenuptial agreements, for a lot of people, especially people that are getting married young, like, don't have a ton of money to put towards lawyers to draft a contract like that, but just things that I'm learning as I am moving through this process.

So my ex and I did decide to do mediation, and we are kind of wrapping up that process.

We have been very adamant that we wanted to do this as amicably as possible.

Of course, talking about finances and splitting finances and all of that is not always the easiest.

So not saying that it, you know, it's completely smooth sailing, but I did get a recommendation of somebody in our area from a friend that had used her as their lawyer slash mediator, and she has been great so far, and it has been very helpful.

Just as, you know, when you go to couples therapy and you want kind of a third party to help you communicate, it has been very helpful for us to have somebody that one knows all the laws and knows how a divorce actually works because.

Because it can be very confusing of how it actually works and then can take us through the process and help us negotiate on the things that we need to negotiate around.

So that has been positive so far, but it's a lot, and it's a lot of change.

And again, even though I think I grieved the ending of the relationship far before I actually ended it subconsciously.

I think I knew that's what needed to happen before I actually consciously knew that it needed to happen.

There is a lot of grief still around the changing of my life, the changing of my family dynamic, my ex and I not living under the same roof anymore, how it looks for us to now have co parenting with our child and figuring out what that all looks like.

And our child is four and so it's hard to know how he is going to react to all of this once there are actual changes in place.

And there's just a lot to think about and a lot to move through, both practically and emotionally.

I'm grateful for the people in my life that are supportive, but part of what I wanted to bring to this conversation is the fact that one of the biggest initiations for me in choosing this divorce was becoming the villain in other people's stories.

And I am somebody that has always been a people pleaser, that was taught from a very young age to keep the peace, to make sure that everybody else felt good in order for me to have a relationship with them.

I am an anxious attachment person that I've been working on that for a very long time.

And this was the first moment that I actively was choosing to do something that went against what the majority of the people around me wanted.

When I first announced that that was something that I wanted, almost everyone was trying to persuade me to stay in the marriage, to make it work.

They kept telling me that, you know, relationships are hard and we need to continue to just, like, stay the course and go back to therapy and try to work it out.

And unfortunately, a lot of people didn't understand the fact that I had put years and years into trying to make this relationship work.

I am a therapist, and we had been going to therapy almost our entire relationship, honestly almost our entire marriage, and had decided to end therapy last year for financial reasons.

We had done a lot, a lot of work, and I was just ready to be done.

I was ready to be done, but so many people were like, you gotta stay together, you gotta stay together, you gotta stay together.

Divorce sucks, you don't want it, you gotta stay together.

And it was really hard to have to stand in my truth and stand in my power and say, actually, I'm just ready to be done.

Whether you understand that or not, I'm ready to be done.

And my ex even had, you know, a normal, natural arc of having a lot of feelings around it and then deciding that he was ready to, like, start working on things and wanted to work it out.

And I was just like, I'm actually done.

I'm.

I'm not.

I'm not wanting to work anymore on this, that I'm ready to be done.

And that was hard, too.

It was really hard to have to keep telling him over and over, like, I'm not willing to work on it anymore.

I'm ready to be done.

And there was a lot of emotions flying.

A lot of people in my life that are very much tied to this relationship, having their own feelings and their own version of, like, the world is crumbling around them.

And that was really hard to see.

And yet I had to stand in my truth.

I had to stand with the sword at my back and say, this is the best decision for me, and therefore it is the best decision for everyone else involved, regardless of what their feelings were.

I could already see the changes.

I could already see that me stepping back from the role that I was in previously, Even though it was very hard for the people around me, they were shifting in ways that I don't think could have happened at all if I hadn't made that decision.

And it's not necessarily that, like, I had to make this decision to help them grow on their own path, but making it, making the decision that was right for me, had that ripple effect.

It had the effect of helping them now make decisions that might be better on their path as well.

And as hard as it is and as hard as it has been, I think that ultimately is why I was able to stay in my conviction and in my truth, because I saw that eventually, hopefully, the dynamics that I needed to shift for a long time that I was feeling so stuck in and so just like stifled in.

We're starting to move.

We're starting to shift in a more positive way than I ever have seen them happen before.

And I knew that even if this is a really hard road to walk, it was the right one.

So I think being a people pleaser, being somebody that is a recovering perfectionist, this was an important lesson for me of what does it mean to stand in your truth?

Even if it means becoming the villain in someone else's story, we all inevitably are going to be a villain in someone else's story.

Even if we don't mean to hurt other people, even if that's not our intention, we are inevitably going to be a villain in someone else's story.

And I've spent my entire life up until this point very much avoiding that.

My mother will tell you tell anyone that all she had to do was tell me she was disappointed in me when I was young.

And I would just crumble and melt and feel so much shame and guilt.

And there has been a lot of me facing narratives that I didn't really even realize were still there, that were keeping me in a lot of guilt and shame.

And I've had to really confront them through this process and understand where have I been holding shame still that I need to let go of in order to again move into my power, my truth, and continue to lead from a place of love for myself.

And if it's for myself, then inevitably it's for everyone else as well.

And that's really what the Sacred Disruptor is about.

It's about holding your own truth, regardless of what anyone else is saying and regardless of what the fallout is.

If you are standing in your own truth, that is the most important thing.

And everything will work out because of that.

Even if it feels dire, even if it feels like the entire bottom floor of your life is completely collapsing and you're just standing in a giant black hole of the earth, which is exactly what I felt when the divorce was triggered.

Inevitably, it will work out because.

Because you are standing in a place of love and truth for yourself, and no one can question that.

No one can take that away from you.

I guess people can question it, but that is your truth, and no one can take that away from you.

And when we stand in our truth and we stand in our power, we stand in our sovereignty and come from a place of love, I really, truly believe the rest of it will figure itself out.

The universe stands, stands at your back and says, thank you for listening.

Thank you for following this path that I've put in front of you, and I will help the rest of the things that need to be figured out as you walk along this path get figured out for you.

Doesn't mean it's going to be easy.

It doesn't mean it's going to be without some strife and some heartache.

But I will help make it work for you because this is your path.

So I really want that to sink in.

There are so many women specifically, but I think this could apply to anyone right now.

There are so many people that are in this same situation in the temples that I'm already a part of, just serving social media, so many women specifically.

But I think couples in general are really facing this.

Hard to understand and hard to face decision around.

Are we still aligned with each other?

Do our paths still walk down the same road together or are they going in separate directions?

Are we a frequency match anymore?

A lot of women that have done work on themselves and are growing in themselves are finding that they grow out of the relationship that they're in.

And it's so hard.

It is so hard to make that decision and to know that again, there's not necessarily something that was catastrophic that happened to end the relationship.

But if we're not a frequency match anymore, unfortunately, at least in my view, it was like there's nothing more that I can do that I am growing on my own path and.

And we are no longer in alignment.

So I think it's really something that comes from the bottom of my heart that I want to hold all of you who are in a similar position with so much love and so much care and so much understanding.

And I will add that it's interesting that a lot of the people that I would have deemed the villains in my story growing up, especially after my parents split and my dad moved to a different state.

And so I've had a lot of, like, daddy issues.

And then once I started to get finally resolved and clear on those issues, then had some other wounds come up.

So we all have our wounding, we all have the things that we are working on.

But it was interesting for me that as I'm walking this path and finding that I am now the villain in the people surrounding me's story, that I now have a different perspective of the villains in my story that I started to find.

Oh, I now have a different vantage point than what I had before.

And I can now see why maybe some of these people made the decisions that they did.

Doesn't mean that the impact was erased and that harm was erased.

But I could see, see from a different perspective than what I could see before.

And it was just interesting for me to feel like, oh, there's a lot of people that I judged during my adolescence and early adulthood when I was trying to understand what happened when I was young, that now I have a different perspective of and might have more empathy for.

And so I think it's.

It's always interesting, depending on the path that we're able to walk on, how that might come back in kind of like a karmic loop, that maybe me taking this step and being on this path is ending some cycles in my lineage, because I can now see why something would have happened on the opposite end instead of holding this hate or this judgment for someone without fully understanding their full story and perspective.

So just something to think about.

And I think this is a really important initiation for anyone, but especially for women.

We have been taught to be the good girl, to always make sure that everybody else is okay and put ourselves last and make ourselves the martyr.

And when we are able to step into our truth and walk from a place of integrity and groundedness and sovereignty, we can lead from a very powerful space.

And even if it creates a situation where people are angry and people have a lot of hard to feel feelings around that, I think ultimately it is such a powerful initiation to be somebody that can stay, stand in that, that can stand in the fire and still say, this is my truth.

And for anyone that's an entrepreneur or anyone that has a big mission and a goal in life like I do, to change the world, we all have to gain that skill.

We all have to be able to stand in this fire and say, this is my mission and this is my truth, regardless of what anybody else says.

So I fully believe that this was one of my important initiations around that and becoming the villain in other people's stories.

So I hope that lands for you in whatever way helps and gives you some insight or clarity to what is going on in your life.

If you want to go deeper into these types of archetypes and understand more fully how this could serve you and your life, I would be so elated to have you in the Walk is Love temple.

Membership is $66 for founding members right now and the link is in the show notes.

So please go check out the website, read about the temple, really have it, sit in your body and see if it is calling to you.

And I would love to see you there if you feel called to this mission as I am.

I love you all so much.

Thank you for listening.

Take care and I will talk to you next time.

Thank you for gathering around the fire with me today.

Beloved, if this episode touched something in you, share it with a soul you know who needs to hear it.

The right people find this work through each other.

And if you are ready to stop walking this path alone, Walk as Love Temple is open, a sacred community for the souls who are remembering, gathering every new moon, full moon, and every week around the fire together.

Come home.

Join [email protected] the link is in the show notes.

Before I go, I want to leave you with something special.

This is an original song called It's Time for Change, written and composed by Christopher Crooker, created specifically for the Walk is Love Temple.

Let it find you wherever you are until next time.

Beloved.

This is where you belong.

Sa.

Have some faith, you beautiful child Wipe away all of your tears Let go of all of your anger Give up all your fear A new age is coming on it's time to embrace the strange you wanna be right with where you belong we all know it's time for change it's time for change it's time for change so let go of your clinging and let it be rearranged.

If they don't stop it soon it may be too late But I'm a pacifist and don't feel the hate I promise you it will all be all right now you must believe it really might New age is coming on it's time to embrace the strain you want to be right where you belong we all know it's time time for change it's time for change it's time for change so let go of your clinging and let it be rearranged.

If you stop be reality that increases the gravity if you stop needing reality that increases the gravity if you stop needing reality that increases the gravity.

It's time for change Change it's time for change so let go of your clinging and let it be rearranged it's time for change it's time for change so let go of your clinging and let it be rearrange.