00:00:27 Behavioral Tells is the new book from Patrick King.

00:01:23 Watch Where Attention Flows

00:03:03 The VDR is a way to visualize attention

00:09:32 Understanding “Group Flow”

00:18:32 Here are the takeaways from today's episode.

Behavioral Tells: Read the Hidden Signals Behind Every Action. What People Reveal Without Saying a Word. (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 46) By Patrick King

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DYKN5V6H

Unlock the hidden code behind human behavior—before it costs you opportunities, relationships, and influence.Most people think they’re good at reading others. They’re not. They project, assume, and misinterpret—then wonder why conversations stall, deals fall apart, and signals get missed. Behavioral Tells cuts through the noise and shows you what people are actually communicating beneath the surface.

From bestselling author Patrick King, this is your field guide to decoding people in real time—without guesswork, overthinking, or relying on clichés like “just trust your gut.”

You’ll learn how perception quietly distorts everything you see—and how to fix it fast.

How perceptual biases like the halo effect and projection silently sabotage your judgment

The three perceptual positions that instantly sharpen your perspective in any interaction

Why your expectations shape what you notice—and how to break that loop

Practical ways to improve perceptual accuracy so you stop misreading people

But reading people isn’t just about what you see. It’s about what you notice, how you interpret it, and how you respond in the moment.

This book takes you deeper—into emotions, group dynamics, language patterns, and subtle behavioral signals most people completely miss.

The ABC model for understanding why people behave the way they do

Emotional granularity so you can distinguish nuance, not just “happy vs. angry”

The SUE framework for asking questions that reveal truth without resistance

How tone, word choice, and “meta-programs” expose hidden motivations

Along the way, you’ll learn why body language alone can mislead you, how attention flows in groups, and what everyday behaviors—like walking style, clothing, and even food choices—quietly reveal. Bottom line: This is not theory. It’s a toolkit.

Navigate conversations with precision

Spot inconsistencies before they become problems

Understand people faster than they understand themselves

in your group conversations.

Who are the ones that really hold the power, the ones that do most of the talking, or the ones that everyone looks to for approval?

Hello listeners, and welcome back to Social Skills Coaching, where you become more likeable, more charismatic, and more productive.

Behavioral Tells is the new book from Patrick King.

The subtitle gives you more information.

Read the hidden signals behind every action.

What people reveal without saying a word.

In this episode, Patrick King reveals some very insightful information about eye contact.

How to do it appropriately.

How long to hold it.

When not to hold it.

He also brings into conversation how real leaders will never break their gazes when speaking, but they might glance away to keep their high status intact.

We're also going to talk about the visual dominance ratio, the VDR, as an indicator of power dynamics within groups.

We're glad you joined us today.

Watch Where Attention Flows

There’s a persistent misconception out there, and it goes like this: The one who talks the most is the most important.

We automatically assume that the loudest, most talkative ones in a group are the most dominant, and the quietest ones are the least central or significant.

The truth?

It often has nothing to do with talking!

Instead, this chapter is all about paying attention to eye contact-where people are looking.

Someone may be talking a lot… but are people listening?

Someone else may be relatively quiet… but are all the talkers in the group subtly sparring for their approval?

Research on relational communication (Dovidio & Ellyson, 1982; Dovidio et.

al., 1988) shows that dominance in groups is often signaled not by talk-time, but by "Visual Dominance Ratio" (VDR).

VDR - The percentage of time spent looking at a partner while speaking, divided by the percentage of time looking while listening.

A person with high visual dominance tends to look at their partner more while speaking and look away more while listening, whereas a lower-status person often looks more while listening.

Essentially, VDR is a measure of power in social interactions.

The higher the VDR, the higher the social status and dominance.

The VDR is a way to visualize increased attention flowing towards higher-status individuals-in the form of people looking at them more intently when they speak.

The most influential person in the room isn't always the one talking; it’s the one everyone looks at for approval after someone else makes a point.

It’s the one everyone is hoping is listening when they themselves talk.

It’s the one people consider influential, expert, or superordinate-and they show that by closely attending to every word they say.

Pick a person in a group to watch, and look carefully at what happens when they speak.

Notice if they are making firm and consistent eye contact with someone else as they speak.

Notice where their eye contact goes when they are listening to others speak.

If the person looks more while speaking than they do while listening, they may be in a dominant position in the group.

If the person looks more while listening than they do while speaking, they may be in a more subordinate position in the group.

Essentially, you want to look for one tell-tale submissive behavior: close eye contact and attention on a speaker.

Those who are confident and dominant make much less of this eye contact when listening, and tend to look more directly into people’s eyes when they’re the ones who are speaking.

What matters is not the absolute time spent on either looking or not looking, but rather their ratio; you’ll need to observe for a little while to get a sense of which a person does more than the other.

VDR is a metric that was initially studied under laboratory conditions.

Being realistic, this may be difficult to recreate in ordinary life, where conversations are fleeting and there’s often “a lot going on.” Nevertheless, we can learn a lot about people and the groups they’re in by noticing the “attention economy” i.e.

:

Where is most of the attention and awareness going?

Which speaker tends to command everyone’s attention the moment they open their mouths?

Who is repeatedly looked at, even by people who are having conversations with others?

When you switch your lens from verbal to nonverbal communication, you will start to see these invisible patterns and flows-you will see who the room “votes” for with their eyes, and where the balance of attention really is.

Returning to Kantor’s theory, any player can be the most dominant or high-status in a group-i.e.

they can be movers, followers, opposers, or bystanders.

However, the most likely pattern is that the mover takes center stage and leads, and the others pitch both their verbal and their nonverbal communication in that direction.

Followers support and validate, and keep their eye gaze fixed on the mover and the initiative they’re proposing.

The opposer appears on the surface to be against the mover, but they nevertheless center the mover.

In fact, the opposer would be lost without the mover to push against!

The bystander might appear superficially to be independent, but their reflection inevitably centers around the mover’s action.

The bystander might share their observations with the group, but look at the mover to subtly seek their recognition and approval.

The mover, on other hand, if they are dominant in the group, will display a subtly different eye contact style: They will talk to each member of the group in turn with full eye contact, but, when being spoken to, they may look away while listening, almost as though their own eye contact is turned inwards, towards themselves.

This is a very subtle gesture of recognition of their own dominance!

It’s always a surprise the first time you see this nonverbal “inward gaze” behavior out in the wild, but once you learn to recognize it, you may start seeing it everywhere.

Now, as fascinating as all this is, what can we do with it?

Want to understand the power dynamic between two people?

◦ Watch their respective eye contact as they listen to each other speak.

The one who looks away the most while listening will have the social upper hand in some way.

◦ Look at the lines of attention.

Imagine invisible arrows and look at where they’re pointing.

The most influential person in a conversation may not even be in that conversation!

Want to increase your own perceived status?

◦ Identify the mover and align yourself with their initiative or, if there isn’t a mover, become one for the group.

Make a suggestion, lead in some small way, or bring fresh energy into the interaction by sharing something bold or unexpected.

◦ Avoid staring intently at people as you listen to them.

Sparing and strategic eye contact will be more impactful, and will subtly convey that you are not subordinate.

Want to resolve conflict, misunderstanding, or tension?

◦ Consider that a dysfunctional group may be struggling with power plays or role confusion.

Adopt a blend of the bystander and mover roles and gently make observations to shift stalemates.

“There have been some really good suggestions so far, but why don’t we shelve this issue for now and come back to it when we have more information?”

◦ Remember that if you’re seeing a certain kind of imbalance or disruption in a group, you have the option to step away.

You can become aware of where attention is flowing, you can direct your own attention as you see fit, and you can also withdraw attention.

Understanding “Group Flow”

A group is an organism.

It’s composed of different “organs” that serve different functions, and it can act and move as an entity distinct from these components.

Lavoie and colleagues recently published an article in Academy of Management Review (2024) exploring the concept of “group flow.”

Following on from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s popular theory on personal flow, group flow explores what this state looks like for collections of individuals working together.

According to Lavoie, a group in flow:

Feels effortless, its movements swift and fluid.

Reaches a peak of seamless collaboration.

Has a momentum of its own-every contribution builds on the previous one.

Performs effectively at a shared task.

Shows a synchrony of contributions from each member.

Creates positive emotions, i.e., feelings of being connected, motivated, and energized.

The opposite of flow is “group leakage”, i.e.

a state where interactions feel:

Badly timed

Uncoordinated

Uneven

Awkward

Uncomfortable

Unproductive

Clumsy

Groups without flow are tense.

They’re effortful.

They lack consensus.

The expression “the whole is greater than the sum of the parts” perfectly describes a well-functioning group in a flow state.

The corollary also describes “group leakage”-a poorly coordinated whole is somehow less than all the parts that go into it.

Naturally, the concept of group flow is of interest to team managers and organizational psychologists.

Their question would be, how do we create and sustain group flow for maximum performance?

But how can we use these insights when it comes to being skilled people-readers?

How can we use an understanding of the group organism to help us better understand the individuals that make it up?

Focus on moment-to-moment mini-interactions.

Pay less attention to outcomes and more to what is unfolding in the present.

Lavoie et.

al.

explains how the magic of flow happens in tiny movements, which he calls “micro-dynamics.”

Zoom in on these micro-dynamics:

Does each contribution show genuine engagement of and reaction to the previous one?

Is there a real conversational back and forth, or are people just “monologuing together”?

Good flow means people build on one another’s contributions.

Look at how the pieces of every conversation emerge relative to one another in time.

Are people “synchronized dancing” or are they each free styling to their own song?

Are people increasingly mirroring one another and matching their responses?

Or is there friction, interruption, or an imbalance in contributions?

A group flows when everyone’s attentions and efforts are coordinated towards the same goal.

Does the group share this single goal, or are there really several smaller, fractured groups?

What’s fascinating about this way of looking at things is that it completely removes the personality element from the equation.

It makes no difference if participants are introverted or extraverted, if they’re thinkers or feelers, or if they’re abstract or concrete.

What matters is how they flow together.

One of the ironies of learning to read people is actually learning to read energy flows, dynamics, and movements instead.

You’ll know that a group isn’t working when:

People talk over and past one another.

There are long, awkward silences or speech overlaps-or both.

Certain ideas are raised only to get quickly dropped or ignored.

Why?

Because the contributions of each player are failing to connect with one another.

The flow is an energetic flow, and it goes beyond how dominant a person is, what they’re saying, and how much they’re saying it.

The mismatch is not between people, it’s between people’s contributions.

Having real social intelligence means looking way beyond personalities and egos-especially your own.

It means understanding that there is more to a good conversation than just saying something interesting or intelligent.

Instead, Lavoie’s theory shows us that timing, harmony, balance, and flow are much more important.

Pay attention to the group flow and you’ll always know when and how to speak.

We can’t take responsibility for the character of the whole group, but we can play our part:

Make contributions and comments that link to something that came before.

Acknowledge and extend what others have shared to build momentum.

Watch out for playing too much of the opposer role.

Say “yes and” instead of “yes but.”

Notice when a contribution has been ignored, and deliberately pick it up and integrate it.

Not only will you create more cohesion, you’ll also be doing a favor for the person who made the contribution!

Avoid interrupting, or talking much faster or slower than others.

Pasue a moment before responding.

Think of conversations as music-there should be a nice flowing interplay between sound and silence.

Notice people’s body language, tone of voice, language choice, and gestures, then mirror them.

This will create feelings of emotional harmony.

Practice real listening.

Ask thoughtful follow-up questions that don’t just reflect, but expand on what you’ve heard.

Send the conversational tennis ball back over the net and give the other person something to play with!

To avoid disruptions and disconnects, remind yourself to add, not replace.

Too many people are in a hurry to one-up one another, or jump in with an anecdote they think is related, but really just switches attention back to them.

Don’t do this; instead of supporting your own ego, think of yourself as supporting the shared flow of the conversation.

It’s a team sport.

Use body language that signals assent and cohesion.

Nod, verbally affirm what you hear, and say things like, “As you said…” to keep things feeling stitched together.

Understanding group dynamics helps you better place yourself within that group.

One way to practice this skill is to quietly (and politely!)

observe groups from a distance, when you yourself are not included.

This can be done in any public space, so long as you observe unobtrusively.

For five minutes, pretend you are an anthropologist and simply observe, looking for flow, friction, and power exchanges.

Look at the roles people are playing.

Look at how each person is contributing, and how those contributions themselves are connecting-or not.

Learn to see these things and you will learn to see people in a far richer, three-dimensional way.

You may even learn something valuable about yourself.

You know, you can transform your interactions by providing deeper insight into what people are truly feeling and thinking by understanding the subtle cues in behavioral tells.

Being aware of these signals, it doesn't only help you navigate social situations, but it's also going to enhance your ability to influence and connect with others on a more meaningful level.

Here are the takeaways from today's episode.

eye contact reveals who's dominant in a group.

High VDR means looking more while speaking and less when listening indicates higher status.

Watch how movers command attention with eye contact.

Movers use full eye contact when talking, but may look away when others speak, showing their dominance.

Here's an appropriate quote from Charles Darwin.

It is through observation that we gain knowledge about the world and it is this same process of observation that allows us to understand others.