If you're building an online business, it's only a matter of time before you get a nasty comment. It's not fun, but it also doesn't have to be devastating. Today we'll discuss who these people are, what their cruel comments mean about you and your business and how to manage your mind around them.

Becoming a Christian entrepreneur means maintaining Christlike discipleship and integrity at all times, not just when people are being nice to us. Let's learn how to deal with hate together!

When journalist Lindy West met her Twitter troll

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Microphone (2- ATR2100x-USB Microphone) & HD Pro Webcam C920: friends today, we are going to

talk about haters and trolls.

Y Y not always.

Fun topic to talk about.

But if you are in the online sphere and you were putting anything

out there, you will soon be familiar with haters and trolls.

So who are these people?

Haters and trolls are by definition, someone who purposely attacks

online personalities that might look like abuse or teasing or

mocking or some sort of scorn.

Uh, sometimes openly disagree with the personality, but

not usually in a kind manner.

It's not usually seen as an open and kind discourse instead.

It is an attack generally.

Now, when you first show up online, this can be disturbing.

I'm not going to lie the first time you will get a negative comment.

It will probably make an impact on you and not necessarily a positive one.

Your first main comment will cut deep.

That's generally how it works.

So today we're going to figure out how to think about these comments about

these people and what to do when you inevitably get noticed by those who

do not like you and who decide to say so publicly, very kind of them.

Okay.

So first off I want to define.

Who a hater or a troll is now.

Haters are still children of God.

I feel like that's a really important thing to remember when you were

attacked online, these are still people and they're still God's children

who are feeling for some reason, a need to attack you or who you stand

right now while cruelty is never.

Okay.

I'm not justifying these people in the least.

It can be helpful to remember that the people being cruel is also a person.

They're a human being.

And chances are probably good.

You have also been guilty of being cruel once or twice in your life.

Maybe more than that.

We all struggle with our own self-worth with judging others.

And so when I get a mean comment,

If I can first remember, okay, this is another human being on

the other side of the screen.

It can help me avoid lashing out in my shame or anger or whatever

feelings are coming up for me.

As we know as Christians Christ teaches us to turn the other cheek.

And nowhere I would argue is this more necessary than within

the field of online commenting?

The hateful online dialogue that is present on every

platform is really alarming.

And I think that it is something that every last one of us has

an obligation to try to fix.

And we can fix it.

If we refuse to return, hate for hate.

Okay.

Now here is who haters are not, they are not a representation of who you are.

Neither are their comments.

They are not a representation of how your business is going.

Chances are good.

The haters have no idea how your business is going.

They just don't like something you said, or how you looked or what

your hair was, or, you know, the size of your, but I don't know.

They just don't like something about you.

And they're going to make a comment about it.

They are also not a paying customer or client.

I will talk more about this later, but that's an important caveat.

They are almost always irrelevant to your business and what

you were putting out there.

Okay, there are just noise.

So remember that.

Now, the first reaction that we get to a mean or nasty comment is often shame.

Right.

We talk about shame in coaching and in therapy because shame feels so bad.

And we know exactly what sets it off an insult us feeling badly about something.

Um, of, of one kind or another.

We get negative emotions coming up for us.

When someone says something mean to us online and shame is a predominant one.

Now why is shame?

Uh, predominant emotion.

Shame comes when we do things wrong or when we feel like

we've done something wrong.

And when a hater comments, something about us.

It very rarely, I think in my experience, Means that we've done something wrong,

but it's someone making us feel like maybe we have maybe they're we could

take that as truth or some form of truth.

And that's what brings up the shame.

So that's the interesting thing about.

Hateful comments is sometimes these insults.

Can reflect your own mean girl thoughts and feelings about yourself.

So if you get an mean comment, Maybe I should say when, when you get a mean

comment, immediately ask yourself.

Do I think there's any truth to this.

And if you do, it's going to hurt a whole lot more.

Than not.

So, let me give you an example.

If someone were to come to me and say, you're just a dumb blonde.

That would not affect me in the least.

Because I have brown hair.

It is highlighted, but.

I never, ever, ever resonate with the term dumb blonde, because I'm not a blonde it's

factually enact Maybe dumb a little bit.

Okay.

Sure.

Sometimes I act a little dumb.

But brain acknowledges any truth within their statement,

there's going to be some shame.

Okay.

So that is a very, very fascinating concept and requires us to

do a lot of thought work when these mean comments come up.

So when those words hurt you, because you will get comments that don't bother

you, which is great, great place to be.

But you will get words that hurt as well.

And when they they hurt ask yourself this, what am I making this mean?

Am I taking this to heart because I think there's truth to it.

What is coming up for me.

If there is truth to it, what does that mean?

Is that bad?

embarrassed about that?

Am I ashamed about it?

Ask yourself lots and lots of questions.

This can be a great time to do a thought.

Download.

Somebody says X, Y, Z.

These are all the thoughts that are coming up for me, because you will

have a lot of thoughts about it.

Now confronting a hateful comment is an incredible opportunity to do

massive amounts of thought work.

It's not use these comments as a chance to dive into the thoughts that are

causing you pain, because remember.

The heaters can not cause you pain.

They can only put neutral words on the internet and then your brain

can make them mean something.

If every time you read a mean comment, your brain just said, oh, that's too bad.

They must be having a hard day.

How would that affect you?

It probably wouldn't at all right now.

That would be a very higher level order of thinking.

I don't know a lot of people that can immediately think like that.

But with practice we can, or with practice, we can understand why

those comments are bothering us.

Okay.

Now John, a famous author who is a really fun guy to follow up both on

social media, on his podcast, said this.

Criticism that costs nothing is worth nothing.

Is that a great comment?

Great quote.

He says, this is something my wife, Jenny says to me often.

It means if it costs someone 30 seconds to leave a mean comment online, it's

only worth 30 seconds of my time.

He continues.

If a close friend had to be brave to tell me something hard that

I needed to hear that cost them a lot and is worth a lot to me.

Don't give an hour of your day to a haters comment that only

cost them 30 seconds to leave.

Because I guarantee that hater is not walking through their day,

thinking about you all day long.

not anyway.

I don't know.

I'm not a hater.

Um, but you might keep that in the back of your mind all day long, but

this is a great advice to remember criticism that costs nothing.

It's worth nothing.

Cost them 30 seconds.

It's worth 30 seconds of your time.

And then move on.

Right.

Now here's the next point.

I want to bring up about haters and trolls.

We need to acknowledge that these people spend time tearing

others down for a reason.

Instead of building their own thing.

They're out there tearing others down.

Why.

Who knows.

We don't really know.

I'm sure every person has a different reason.

But one of the reasons might be because they feel threatened.

It might be because they see someone like you out there

making the world a better place.

And they are not doing the same, which means that you don't need

to give them any attention because they're not your competition.

They are simply noise.

Now I want to share with you guys a story that I read a

while ago that has impacted me.

And I think about every single time I read a hateful comment.

Uh, it link to the article in the show notes.

So you can read the entire thing yourself.

I highly recommend it.

It's fascinating, but a writer named Lindy west.

Was, uh, quite hateful comments.

She said they were not a surprise for her.

Until one day.

Uh, troll on Twitter, created a fake Twitter account in her dead dad's name.

So pretty low.

And he continued to tweak things.

To make her feel awful about herself things, how he was so disappointed in her

as a daughter, how his other two children.

We're successful, but this daughter was.

horrible, horrible things in the name of her father.

It doesn't get much worse than that.

Now she said that she was so used to hateful comments, that

she generally just ignored them.

But in this experience, it was so painful that she actually

responded to it publicly online and said something to the effect of.

I'm a real person.

Can you please desist?

part of the story comes next.

Several months later, she got an email from this troll that said,

I want to sincerely apologize for my actions on Twitter.

I was hurting.

And I did something that I am embarrassed about and I've

since deleted all the accounts.

And I want you to know that I apologize.

Which was so shocking to Lindy that she.

responded to him.

bit of time later when she wanted to write an article about trolls, she

reached out to him again and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed.

And he said, yes, And it was such a fantastic interview.

She just asked him what he was thinking, why he did those things,

not to shame him, but to just better understand where he was coming from.

And he said this line that I'll never forget.

He chose to hate her Lindy the author because she didn't hate herself.

Like he did.

I think he saw some similarities in the two of them and because

she was successful and happy.

And he was not, he used her as a target.

Now this article.

Taught me so much about people who shop hatefully on the internet.

They are real human beings and many of them are hurting.

It was such a poignant example to me, of first seeking to understand before being

understood as Stephen Covey says, right.

an amazing.

ended.

On a much happier note than many.

Now let's talk for just a second about why haters even exist.

Why are they a thing?

I think personally it's because the internet is so anonymous.

It's so easy to have that keyboard courage and to just type anything that comes into

your head and not face any consequences.

So.

Let's think for the last time when you, or I saw something that we hated,

maybe it was an ad campaign or a weird shirt or a hairdo or something.

Generally that dislike or hate is limited to our own brain, or maybe we'll

tell our friends or family members.

But with the internet, you can share that distaste with the entire world.

Very publicly.

And that feels really good to people who are very angry about things.

Haters also largely avoid the negative fallout of calling someone names.

They don't see the person crumble.

They don't witness the tears.

They don't see how it affects another human being on the

other side of the screen.

It is a scary thing.

To have the power to disseminate hate into the world with almost zero consequences.

Now we can have a whole other discussion about what hate does to

the inside of you, even if you don't see how it affects someone else.

But the consequences of seeing what it does to another person

are largely avoided when you type something nasty on the internet.

So it's So the internet is a prime opportunity for people to share their

distaste of something doing so publicly unkindly and without consequence.

we need to talk about who we label as a hater or a troll.

We need to be a little bit careful about this.

Not everyone who says something that you disagree with is a hater.

And not everyone who says something that sounds mean.

It's a hater or a troll.

we can all acknowledge that sometimes.

Messages sent via text.

Can come across a lot more brusque than intended.

Have you ever sent a text to a friend and they were offended by it and

you meant absolutely no offense.

There's no tone.

There's no facial expressions.

There's no body language.

It is very, very easy to be misunderstood through text.

So if a comment wrinkles, you, you can first choose to think what if

they didn't mean anything by that?

What if they weren't trying to offend?

What if I just read that wrong?

Or what if they typed it in a way that was genuinely curious

and I took it as an insult.

I've actually made some friends this way by asking for clarification on

a comment instead of immediately.

Assuming that they meant harm.

Right.

people will leave comments that ha leave me my head, but I try to always respond.

With kindness and curiosity.

And tell me what you meant about that, or really, that's

interesting that you think that way.

Tell me more looking to understand, instead of being understood.

But of course there are those who are really meaning to stir up

hate and make people feel awful.

And in these situations, I highly recommend.

Not drawing attention to that comment.

These people want to stir the pot.

They want to get attention.

They want to show everyone how they made a bad day or they, you know,

made an effect on you in some way they want to anger you or provoke you.

If you were seen as an expert or a teacher in your field, especially,

or if you're just an easy target.

They would love nothing more than to see you get uncomfortable or

have some sort of a reaction.

If you've ever been in the comment section of any platform online,

you can see how this is true.

There will be 500 positive comments and the one negative comment gets 50,000

retweets and responds and, you know,

It's the nasty stuff that gets the most attention.

So anytime we can ignore it.

And just let it go away is going to benefit us.

have to be stoic.

If come it makes you cry.

It can make you cry.

That's okay to go feel feelings and feel bad about what someone

said to you, but please try not to give them extra attention.

I've seen this multiple times when an influencer will get a negative comment

and then they'll make another reel or a post about it and share the comment.

And I'm thinking you're doing exactly what that troll wants,

giving them more attention, do not give them the time of day.

I do not give them validation.

And do not allow them to stoke the fire.

I highly recommend just quietly ignoring and deleting the comment.

But again, Ensure it's truly a troll comment and not

just one you disagree with.

Sometimes there've been comments that I've wanted to delete, but

instead I've responded kindly or I've just ignored them and they go away.

I've determined.

That mean comments generally belong in three main camps.

And I think it's important to differentiate them.

The first one is just pure trolling.

And that is name calling or tearing you down, calling you fat or ugly

or any other name in the world?

These can be safely deleted and ignored.

They're completely useless, especially if it's something.

Inappropriate that someone comments on your page, just ignore it and delete

it and don't let anybody else see it.

Now the second type is a little bit more authentic.

These people are not just looking to tear you down, but they might

be feeling badly about themselves and they just don't believe your

success or your point of view.

Maybe you're teaching something that they don't agree with, or they don't think

that it's possible to be successful.

Like you've been successful.

They might come across as a troll, but I think they're an important learning

opportunity to show people that.

Faith has required to become like you've become, right.

Especially if you are an influencer in some way that is showing people some sort

of transformation, let's say weight loss, because we always use that as an example.

Let's say you've lost weight and you want to teach others to do the same.

You might get quote-unquote trolls saying, oh, that's not possible.

Or I've tried that.

And that hasn't worked or, um, you're teaching unhealthy

habits, et cetera, et cetera.

That sounds like it's coming from a person who does not believe in

their own potential for success.

And so they're tearing you down to feel better about themselves.

So we can learn from these and we can offer them some of our own beliefs so

that they can believe in themselves.

And we can hopefully turn them from doubters into believers.

That's kind of fun.

Now the third type is a little bit different from the second type.

This third type of mean comment can be those who have real legitimate feedback

for, for or they just disagree with you.

Maybe you are teaching people how to get healthy through a keto type diet and

you get a plant-based person on there who hates everything you post that's.

Okay.

Doesn't mean we have to delete them and block them.

We can open up to this and start a real dialogue and say, that's so interesting.

I'd love to read the research that you have read on this, not

as a challenge, but as a genuinely curious, Need to understand, right.

Allowing ourselves to understand these people can help us broaden our

own horizons and grow, which is kind of the whole point of earth life.

Right.

really grateful now.

I'm not great at this.

I'm not perfect at this by any means, but I'm grateful for the times that

I've been able to put my pride aside.

And to stop and listen to those who are very strongly opposing me

and I have learned a lot of things.

I've changed my position on a lot of things.

Because I've been able to stop and listen again, there've been many

times when I have not listened.

And I have countered, maybe not kindly.

But I have been able to learn a lot and I encourage you to do the same.

Now let's go back to the comment I made about paying clients or customers.

Here is a warning I will leave with you.

There is a difference between haters and paying clients.

A disgruntled or unhappy customer needs to be addressed.

They can not just be shoved under the rug and branded a hater.

This has happened a couple of times recently in the coaching community.

And there's been quite an uproar over it.

If someone has paid you money and expected some sort of product or resource

from you, and they're unhappy that needs to be addressed, you can't just

ignore them and delete their comments.

can, but you probably won't have a business for long.

If you throw a paying customer under the bus, especially publicly because

you don't like their feedback.

I consider that really immature.

It's also caddy and it's really bad business practice again.

Uh, news will spread and you will not be in business for long.

If a customer brings negative feedback.

Don't treat them like a hater, just listen, lean in, allow

yourself to get uncomfortable.

And again, remember if you are uncomfortable, it might be because you

believe there's some truth in the matter.

And if so, great, that's an opportunity to change and to improve

your product or your service.

Work to make it right as much as humanly possible.

Ask yourself, what your integrity and your honesty is worth.

And I think it's likely worth whatever refund that customer wants.

You want to leave people happy as much as possible now, will they customers

and clients that are never happy?

Absolutely.

Because that's human nature.

There are some people that can never be made happy, but by and large,

if someone has paid you money,

And is unhappy with the Proctor service.

You want to make it right?

We've all heard the expression.

The customer is always right now.

That's not literally true.

But it is something that you need to believe is true.

If you want a successful business, just assume they're right.

Give them what they ask for and move on.

friends, haters can be a great way to remind yourself that you

are putting good into the world.

Nothing good comes without opposition.

So you will see opposition on your path to becoming a Christian business owner.

It can also be a fantastic chance to manage your own mind and emotions.

Give it a shot.

Go listen to episode 20, head, heart, and hands.

That gives you a brief overview of the model.

That's a great way to manage your mind if some of these negative

feelings and thoughts come up due to a hater or a troll.

The quicker you can get to a place of peace with the discomfort that comes from.

Failure embarrassment.

And of course, criticism.

The quicker you will find business success.

And I can't wait to see you there.

Okay friends.