Creative conversations rarely go in a straight line.

This week on 5 Random Questions, I chat with independent audio producer and educator Keisha “TK” Dutes. We dive into killer kimonos, advice given with good intentions that can still sting, dream homes, and more.

Funny, strange, and real - just how the best conversations happen. Five unexpected questions, unfiltered answers, no scripts.

If this is your first time here, welcome - this is exactly what the show sounds like.

Answering the questions this week: Keisha "TK" Dutes

About TK Dutes Keisha "TK" Dutes (she/her) is an independent audio producer, educator, host, and reporter with nearly two decades in radio and podcasting. Her production credits include Buzzfeed’s Thirst Aid Kit, Function with Anil Dash, Good Words with Kirk Franklin, and Open World. She has taught at Spotify, PRX Podcast Garage, and BRIC Arts Media, and currently serves on the board of the Association of Independents in Radio (AIR). Through her company Philo’s Future Media, TK helps producers bring their ideas to life. Learn more at tastykeish.com.

Keisha "TK" 's Website

@tastykeish on Instagram

@tastykeish on X

Further reading for this episode

• Talking With My Husband About His Recent Diagnosis - Mental Health and Us
• City of Chicago :: Millennium Park
• The Secret Life of TK Dutes - Podcast - Apple Podcasts
• The Real Live Show | Wonderwheel Recordings
• Visual Art — Keisha TK Dutes
• AIR is a Global Community of Independent Audio Producers
• BRIC Arts Media
• PRX Podcast Garage
• Good Words with Kirk Franklin | Podcast on Spotify
• Function with Anil Dash | Podcast on Spotify
• Thirst Aid Kit - Podcast - Apple Podcasts

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TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person.

TK: You know, sometimes it doesn't match. It doesn't correlate.

TK: And I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize

TK: wasn't going to work for me.

TK: Because the advice was given to me by someone I loved. So I went and I tried

TK: it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.

Danny: Hi, and welcome to 5 Random Questions, a show with unexpected questions and unfiltered answers.

Danny: I'm your host, Danny Brown, and each week I'll be asking my guests five questions

Danny: created by a random question generator.

Danny: The guest has no idea what the questions are, and neither do I,

Danny: which means this could go either way. So sit back, relax, and let's dive into this week's episode.

Danny: Today's guest is Keisha TK Dutes. TK is an independent audio producer,

Danny: educator, host, and reporter with nearly two decades in radio and podcasting.

Danny: Her production credits include BuzzFeed's First Aid Kit, Function with Anil

Danny: Dash, Good Words with Kirk Franklin, and Open World.

Danny: She's taught at Spotify, PRX Podcast Garage, and BRIC Arts Media,

Danny: and currently serves on the board of the Association of Independence and Radio, AIR.

Danny: Through her company, Philo's Future Media, TK helps producers bring their ideas

Danny: to life. So TK, welcome to five random questions.

TK: Thank you so much, Danny. I'm ready. Let's do it.

Danny: I'm excited I'm excited and obviously

Danny: I mean looking at the bio there the introduction you've got a

Danny: massive amount of experience and passion for podcasting

Danny: and the audio medium but one thing that

Danny: I was interested to learn about I was looking at your website and

Danny: you've got there what you started during the pandemic you've got your visual

Danny: art practice where you use resins and molds to create various shapes and there's

Danny: some really cool and interesting pieces on the but one that jumped out to me

Danny: was a really cool one called Granny's Treasure.

Danny: Now, going by the name, I feel that must be inspired by your grandma.

Danny: But what's the story behind Granny's Treasure?

TK: Yeah, it's a, yeah, you saw the little jar with like the jewels on it.

TK: And it just reminded me of like, I don't know, I think every grandma had the

TK: three piece set, like a vessel, a brush and a mirror.

TK: And I just remember something like that being on my grandma's like vanity.

TK: And no one was, no one could touch it. you're not allowed to touch it.

TK: So that was kind of my way of recreating one piece of the three pieces.

TK: Eventually, I'll make the other pieces.

TK: But that was the beginning of that. And when I made it, I showed it to someone.

TK: And like the next week, it was in a small art show here in Brooklyn, New York.

TK: So I was like, when when I think of stuff like that, it's like,

TK: she's talking to me and I'm able to have her in different places.

TK: I'm so glad that resonated with you. I'm always surprised at how things resonate.

TK: People surprise me every time.

Danny: Yeah, well, like I said, I mean, there's some amazing, really cool, you know, items there.

Danny: And I'll be sure to leave the link to your visual art place,

Danny: visual art section on your side in the episode show notes so people can check it out.

Danny: Do you have like a favorite approach to how you come up with a design for that then?

TK: I would say I let the imperfections happen because I'm not, I guess,

TK: a classically trained, you know, artist.

TK: I didn't go to school for art. I literally found this medium during the pandemic.

TK: And then I had been influenced by people in my community.

TK: And so just osmosis. So I don't have like, there's a right way to do something.

TK: So I literally just keep going till I'm happy.

TK: And so it's kind of ugly till it's not to me, you know?

TK: So I'll keep adding colors. I'll keep adding gold leaf.

TK: Oh, more gems, more gems, more

TK: gems. Let's do it. Like, so my approach is keep going till you like it.

TK: And if you can't get to a place, because I've also gotten to a place where I don't like it.

TK: So I have to ask myself, why don't I like it? And I realize more often than

TK: not, it's because I'm not having a good day or a good time in life in that moment.

TK: And there's nothing I could do to get that back.

TK: And those pieces, sometimes I break them and reintegrate them into like a new

TK: piece. and and the second piece is like oh relief i feel better now yeah yeah

Danny: Well it's very cool and you these pieces are for sale or is that.

TK: You do yeah some of them um basically i'm like kind of i'm vibing so if you

TK: see it's like that type of thing you see something you like um like tell me

TK: because part of also i have to remember that i'm doing this for my wellness part of it is if i

TK: If I make it into work, then it becomes something else.

TK: So, but I also know that to be able to make more, I have to get rid of things.

TK: So I have, I've been working on my balance there.

TK: So basically kind of just ask.

Danny: I will definitely do that. Like I say, I was like really impressed when I was

Danny: just going through with them and some really fun, interesting pieces there.

Danny: So yeah, I will leave the link to that in the show notes for sure.

Danny: Thank you. But what we are here for as well is a little bit of fun on this side.

Danny: Where if it doesn't work, we'll go to the next question and we'll keep going that way.

Danny: So TK, are you ready to jump in five random questions hot seat?

TK: Yes, I'm ready, Danny.

Danny: Awesome. Let's bring up the random question generator.

Danny: Okay, this is a good one to start with here, I feel.

Danny: Question number one, if there was an extra hour every day, what would you do with it?

TK: There was an extra hour every day. What would I do with it?

TK: Man. Okay. So there's already not enough time in the world for anything,

TK: but if I did have an extra hour, man, I would, I would just end up doing what I do now.

TK: Like just another run, another, it's more runway, right?

TK: It's more runway to like sleep or do art or like,

TK: I would focus it on myself because there's so

TK: many hours in the day that you have to do you

TK: know work um I love my loved ones but

TK: you know give me a break um you know what I'm saying but I would do like come

TK: on let's just do like stuff we like I'd learn something I'd watch some more

TK: tv I'm not even gonna I'm not precious Danny let's just like self-care so self-care

TK: I would do more self-care with it

Danny: I think I really like that answer because, like you say, everybody's so busy.

Danny: And it seems that since the pandemic as well, everybody's busier.

Danny: You know, it was great for a while. Obviously, it wasn't great because of what

Danny: was going on in the world.

Danny: But it was great in that places were closed. You could stay at home.

Danny: You could, you know, have a better work-life balance, if you like.

Danny: You could spend more time with loved ones because it was lockdown,

Danny: stuff like that. And that kind of shifted again.

Danny: So I love the fact that you mentioned self-care and that it's not specific to,

Danny: okay, I would spend an extra hour in bed or spend an extra hour reading.

Danny: It's just whatever you're doing at the time, that would be the extra hour, I guess.

TK: Yeah. And I think, like you said, like a lot of us figured out,

TK: I mean, a lot of us kind of answered that question during the pandemic while

TK: it was absolutely weird and terrible and it played with our brains.

TK: It kind of reset something for us because we had to figure out what to do with

TK: the extra hours we were at home.

TK: So we were making bread. So we were, you know, doing care packages for our neighbors.

TK: We were like finding the outdoors again. So I think that more people can answer

TK: this question than we think.

TK: And, um, that's what I found. Like I reshifted my whole,

TK: um, I learned how to sleep my way

TK: like what times work for me I'm basically I'm

TK: I'm like I'm I'm I'm on eastern time spiritually

TK: but I think I'm on mountain time like in my heart and soul like or central you

TK: know so like I learned how to sleep again I learned some different things to

TK: do um learn how to make ice cream like like literally just like well I mean

TK: I guess since we're all here trying to figure something out

TK: I learned that I had more capacity for beverages, alcoholic beverages.

Danny: Yeah, I feel a lot of people probably did that. It's like the fight or flight

Danny: syndrome, isn't it? We think, okay, how am I going to cope with that?

Danny: I am curious, maybe, and maybe there isn't something specifically,

Danny: but you mentioned, obviously, you're very busy.

Danny: Is there one thing that you would maybe jettison in place of the extra one hour,

Danny: specifically or that you can think you know i could do another less of that

Danny: if it gives me more of this.

TK: Worrying worrying about

TK: a variety of things that i can't control and you

TK: know we all like uh there's all like these sayings about like not don't worry

TK: it's it's just what we do we worry we're human and if if there was a magic you

TK: know spell to worry less about things i couldn't control That is what I would get rid of because,

TK: you know, sometimes you're literally sitting there.

TK: You're just sitting and you're like, oh, wow.

TK: What if this person says this? Or what if this job that or someone was angry at me? But maybe I did.

TK: I do a thing. You're making up stories, you know, so.

TK: I would have to say worry less, you know?

Danny: Yeah, no, I like that. I had a guest then recently, we just recorded actually

Danny: for the new season and she was very similar where, you know,

Danny: she was very much about giving herself positive reinforcement.

Danny: Yeah. Like little sticky notes on the, you know, around the house just saying,

Danny: because there's so much negativity towards, you know, people in general, there can be.

Danny: It's important, like you say, to jetson that if you can and not worry about

Danny: the stuff that you can't control. If you can control it, great.

Danny: You've got an option to maybe change it, improve it, get rid of it.

Danny: But yeah, I like that completely that if you can't control it,

Danny: and especially when it comes to mental wellness and mental health,

Danny: it's key to not focus on that side.

TK: Yeah.

Danny: Well, I think that was a nice one to sort of open up and ease you into the random questions.

Danny: So let's have a look at question number two.

Danny: Okay, TK, question number two. What countries have you traveled to?

TK: Ooh, okay. I've traveled to, my first time out, I went to Japan.

TK: First time out of the country.

TK: I had a friend that was, she moved there and she missed America.

TK: And she was just like, my job is giving me like a little budget.

TK: I can bring you out here. And I was like, me for free?

TK: Go. OK. So I went to Japan as like a fresh face 20 something year old.

TK: And I was just with her and her friends that like her local friends.

TK: So I'm like having like super local experiences to the point where like I'm at the bar with them.

TK: We are having drinking all night like how like how local folks do.

TK: She was like, I'm going to order a, say, so like they have like a elder person come to your house.

TK: And she's like, we're going to put on the kimonos, but we're going to do it

TK: right. Like we're going to do it.

TK: We're going to do it. And this like grandma lady comes in and she like gets

TK: us suited up and you have to wear like undergarments a certain type of way.

TK: And then they tie the undergarment and they tie it really tight so that everything is snug.

TK: And I enjoyed it. I felt like I looked very beautiful in it.

TK: And I just never had that experience before, but I didn't

TK: know we were gonna be out like out and about for like 12

TK: hours so by the time it came to like meeting

TK: friends and hanging out and doing um like

TK: you know like restaurant bar activities I

TK: was just sitting at the bar and I was like why do I feel woozy the

TK: kimono was so tight by then it

TK: was like cutting off my circulation and um

TK: so like they had to like undo me

TK: like at the bar and like loosen everything up but like i just remember that

TK: and um that was i felt like i was like how much more authentic can it get like

TK: you're like dressed in you know the clothes of the people um from once upon

TK: a time and then you're also gonna pass out like how better can it get like yeah well

Danny: It's like the um the victorian corsets that victorian

Danny: women women wore in the uk i'm not sure if it

Danny: was outside the uk and europe i'm like the the bustles i

Danny: guess it said would be the north American equivalent if I

Danny: look at the the westerns you know like the old Wild West and

Danny: like the bustles where it was so pulled in tight at the waist so you had the

Danny: expanded hips and the expanded top half but the waist was like super super small

Danny: and to your point it's like um so many people or so many women sorry would faint

Danny: because the oxygen is being cut off it's been tight so tightly wrapped and pulled against you.

TK: The things we do for fashion Danny like

TK: I'm, I'm, I'm a different, I'm, it's been 20 years since that trip.

TK: I'm a different girl now.

TK: As we, as we talk today, I'm wearing soft, soft, soft, soft,

TK: soft pants with a very stretchy, um, um, belly part.

TK: And to your, you know, you were talking about the Victorian ladies, um, London.

TK: I've been to several times. I love London and, uh, my favorite kind of TV programming.

TK: Y'all make really good shows. I just got to say, I want to compliment you on

TK: behalf of your, your media.

TK: Fantastic programming thank you oh

Danny: It's funny my my wife's canadian and she came over to the uk for a visit when

Danny: we basically when we first met i guess so it was our first time together,

Danny: um and we spent a lot of time watching british tv and one of her favorite was

Danny: graham norton who's still going today who i think is amazing you know like he

Danny: like the guests he has on and he just lets them go and you get some crazy stories

Danny: from them because of that yeah.

TK: No like i think and And also, like, maybe this is The Grass Is Always Greener,

TK: right? Like, I'm someone from elsewhere that's looking at y'all's TV.

TK: But I just find it super refreshing.

TK: Very, even the dramas, it seem more candid, you know, than what I'm used to watching here.

TK: But so, okay, so London's on my list. Germany.

TK: Oh, my gosh. Oh, Mexico is like my second home nowadays, you know,

TK: especially with just like a lot of Black people have found their way to Mexico since the pandemic.

TK: And during the pandemic, if folks will remember, in America,

TK: we were having another resurgence of the civil rights movement,

TK: you know, with Black Lives Matter and all.

TK: I didn't make the permanent moves, but I'm definitely one of those folks that

TK: felt motivated to repeatedly visit.

TK: And now I feel comfortable calling it. I would call it a second home.

TK: And my brother has since moved there after seeing my adventures. So...

TK: You know, there's something in the water and it's a beautiful place. The people are lovely.

TK: There's a lot of work to be done in terms of like, you know,

TK: gentrification and understanding that like I can't go to I can't come from my

TK: country to gentrify yours.

TK: Right. So there's a lot of there's a lot of work to be done there in terms of

TK: like this expat slash immigrant commentary or conversation that's out right now.

TK: But those are just I think those are some of the places that I can remember

TK: off the bat that I've had some really great times at

Danny: No that's awesome because I know there's like there can be

Danny: a stereotype of Americans don't travel that much

Danny: outside your own country and I know that's not

Danny: true from many American friends I have and people I've spoken

Danny: to on this show for example but the

Danny: Mexico is interesting because I know a lot of Canadians

Danny: used to go to the US especially in the winter because winter in

Danny: canada i don't recommend it if you don't like the cold um so

Danny: we had a lot of snowbirds that would go to maybe florida or you know

Danny: southern parts of the u.s because it was warmer and because

Danny: of recent you know events with tariffs etc and statements made about 51st state

Danny: and all that kind of stuff um a lot of canadians are moving either to mexico

Danny: or are you choosing that and increasing their visits to mexico they'd always

Danny: go to mexico but now they're increasing it and looking to get property there

Danny: instead of, say, Florida or whatever.

Danny: So there does seem to be like a mind shift, a big shift in cultural approaches

Danny: to where you go and what you want to do there, etc.

TK: Yeah.

TK: Yeah. And I mean, I mean, I'm in a lot of these Facebook groups.

TK: So like you said, you know, like there's there's a mind shift.

TK: But then there's also just so much work to be done, man, because sometimes the

TK: Facebook groups, it's like, you know, you can't go play in these people's faces.

TK: You can't go play in in these people's country.

TK: Like it's it's your retirement plan. And you are actively, we are actively driving

TK: up prices every time we show up, right? We're doing some, we're actively doing something.

TK: So I just find the like, there's a disconnect, I think right now where people

TK: are like, well, I used to come here 10 years ago and the prices were so much more affordable.

TK: And I'm like, yeah, like follow that, follow that train of thought, friend, you know?

TK: So, you know, I just want us to be responsible travelers and responsible,

TK: like, relocators, if that's what's going to happen.

TK: So I'm working on it for myself. And when I talk to my friends,

TK: that too, because it's the only way, right? You got to talk to your people.

Danny: Yeah. And I feel as well with the work that you do and the experience that you've

Danny: got, and even the art, your personal work that you're doing,

Danny: you've got so much experience that you can transfer anywhere.

Danny: You know so if Mexico is your destination and your your spiritual new home etc

Danny: I feel like you can easily transplant that and then as you mentioned ensure

Danny: that it's being done properly and with respect to the existing cultures and

Danny: and infrastructure etc yeah.

TK: Absolutely no I agree

Danny: Awesome well I hope you get there and you let me know uh we'll have to have

Danny: you back on as repeat guests with maybe five featured questions about you know

Danny: your new life and a new setup etc oh.

TK: Yeah absolutely i'll come back anytime

Danny: Awesome awesome but for now

Danny: we will keep them random so without further ado let's have a look at question

Danny: number three okay tk here we go and i feel i may have answered this asked this

Danny: before but uh it's always a fun one to pop up so i'm going to ask you anyway

Danny: if that's okay question number three what's the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you.

TK: Wow. Okay. So I do public speaking and I'm a podcaster. So this is usually not a problem for me.

TK: But I was super challenged one time.

TK: And I guess I also just hadn't grown into myself. I was a little bit younger,

TK: a little bit new to the scene.

TK: And I used to do a lot of different hip hop shows.

TK: And this live band they had invited me to just be with them like they they had this real innovative

TK: Way of performing it was called they were called the real live show and they

TK: would perform every Tuesday at this small underground like bar in in New York

TK: City in the Lower East Side so like very cool and their whole theme was like

TK: spaced out hip-hop and they would just invite different guests.

TK: And for some reason, I guess I wasn't suited or I'm not suited to like that kind of thing.

TK: I'm a speaker. I engaged on this level, not with a backing track or whatever,

TK: but this was like human beings playing like the drums, playing the trumpet, playing this.

TK: And then like they had a whole storyline and I

TK: was trying to jump in and I was trying to catch the

TK: beat and I couldn't and I felt all

TK: eyes on me I felt so embarrassed I

TK: like somehow I think one of the guys saved me like he jumped in like you know

TK: like every performer can feel when someone else is kind of like not getting

TK: it and I had two friends that were there and they all they were friends they

TK: They were not friends with each other anymore,

TK: but they can both tell that I needed help

TK: Something. So we just, they just both walked with me outside without talking to each other.

TK: And I was just like, I'm so, you know, I was just so mad, so embarrassed,

TK: so like, just hurt at like not being good at a thing.

TK: And I don't, I don't recall ever going back. And I kind of regret that.

TK: And I try to do my best these days. And I try to prepare and I try to like, learn new skills. And

TK: You know, so like I've been to freestyle workshops and like,

TK: how do you, you know, I want to be able to jump into a thing.

TK: And I just never want to feel like that again. And I felt that was when I felt most embarrassed.

TK: So maybe I, you know how sometimes you like over process your trauma.

TK: So now I'm like, I'm always like in my mind, I think I'm overprepared.

TK: Right. I've I'm reading books. I'm going to have all the talking points.

TK: It's like, how many ways can an interview go? I'm going to figure out all the ways.

TK: But I definitely think the experience made me better as a performer,

TK: as an interviewer, as a person that's just ready to jump right into something.

TK: But it was a hard lesson to learn. It was hard.

Danny: Well, especially because it's in the public space, right? You've got people

Danny: watching you and seeing you, for want of a better word, crumble almost.

Danny: You know, and confidence evaporate. And I'm wondering, obviously,

Danny: you're a podcaster, you're in the media space, public speaking,

Danny: but you feel maybe the problem, if you like, was with podcasts,

Danny: you're driving the narrative,

Danny: you're managing, you know, the interview, the guests, the solo direction.

Danny: With public speaking, again, you're managing the narrative and how you're putting

Danny: points across and when they come out to the audiences in front of you.

Danny: Whereas, obviously, with freestyling or with the, when you get an up like open

Danny: mic almost yeah it's someone else's narrative now so now you're trying to fit

Danny: in and maybe that was where the disconnect was but.

TK: Yeah no I definitely looking back

TK: I definitely think so and it's like this

TK: pressure to fit into someone else's thing and they had been so well integrated

TK: and I think I put too much pressure to be like them instead of be like me because

TK: now I would have probably said, hey, guys, stop.

TK: And let me do a little something like this off the top of my dome,

TK: you know, like and then just like, you know, like maybe and just be and just

TK: accept that I can't catch a beat and just be like, hey, guys,

TK: we're going to stop the space travel for a second.

TK: But y'all are going to still come with me on a journey and I'm going to just

TK: talk and I'm just going to share.

TK: All right, guys, pick it back up and we're back. You know, like,

TK: now I understand that, like, yeah, like, I kind of allowed my agency to be given

TK: away in that moment now that I think about it.

Danny: No, no, and that makes perfect sense. It goes back to your point again about,

Danny: you know, not being able to control something, you know, and putting so much

Danny: emphasis on what you can't control.

Danny: And obviously you can't control the tightness of the band and how they perform.

Danny: That's their stage, that's their, you know, their movements, etc.

Danny: But you can control okay i'm going to take a little bit narrative here

Danny: and insert my own okay let's

Danny: do this and then we can come back to your side yeah um so i feel that that backs

Danny: up your point from earlier you know where it's about now you're older and i

Danny: say that with much respect i'm not saying you're old at all now you're older

Danny: you know that you can understand you can recognize that and how to avoid that

Danny: and overcome it then yeah.

TK: Definitely it's about stopping um

TK: my friend told me a good piece of advice and he does

TK: he did his first TED talk and I recently gave

TK: a speech to like 400 colleagues that I was super like nervous about and he said

TK: when he said when they do a TED talk they make you do it off the top of your

TK: head you cannot there's not a note in sight and that they instruct them,

TK: TED folks instruct the speakers, if you get hung up on something, just stop.

TK: And then it'll come to you. You'll pick it back up. And also for editing,

TK: right? They put a lot of that stuff on YouTube. So they want you to just stop.

TK: So when I gave my speech, nervous as I was, I got to a point where I didn't

TK: know how I was going to deliver it. They just had a stage, a mic,

TK: and I'm just in just the scene.

TK: And I'm looking around and I'm like, okay, chair, table, I got my mic.

TK: No one's done this before.

TK: I decided to set the scene on the stage and take an extra like minute and a

TK: half to bring over the chair, bring over a small table.

TK: And in that minute and a half where I'm setting my scene, I'm building the room,

TK: right? And I'm giving them a setting that is for me and no longer this auditorium setting.

TK: So when I brought the chair over and I got all the things together,

TK: I said, welcome to my bedroom.

TK: I'm going to read from my journal now. And those were my notes.

TK: Right. So that like, yeah, no longer looks like notes and no longer looks like

TK: a person trying to give a talk.

TK: It is you have now been invited to my intimate space. And then when I sat down

TK: in the chair, I felt myself lock in.

TK: And when my friend told me to stop, when I would get to a part where I just

TK: was like, I was just like,

TK: hold on guys, let me turn the page. That was me stopping. Right.

TK: And like, and I think that girl from a couple of weeks ago that gave that speech,

TK: talking to, you know, the, the girl that was freestyling at the restaurant or

TK: trying her best, I think they'd have an interesting conversation, you know?

Danny: Yeah. I really liked that approach. It's like you say,

Danny: it's, it's giving you time to take control of the, the environmental situation,

Danny: but it's making people focus on you and what you're doing in

Danny: readiness for that so they know okay we have props or you know for one better

Danny: description we have tk on the stage we have these this is my visual cue this

Danny: is what i'm going to focus on so i love that the way you sort of flipped that

Danny: a little bit and made it your space and this is my room this is where i feel

Danny: comfortable now i can talk and let's go let's do this together,

Danny: that is awesome i want to keep that in mind i don't do public speaking but if

Danny: i have to get up in front of the community hall or anything like that for the

Danny: local village where i live yeah i I'm going to keep that in mind.

Danny: I might just pull over like a little fire hydrant or something like that.

Danny: Something weird that they've got to focus on apart from me.

TK: Yes. And let me know how that goes because it's your community.

Danny: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I wish you were to do that. Maybe over the Christmas

Danny: period, they certainly do like a dinner and get everybody together.

Danny: So they sometimes get people up there. So I shall definitely for sure let you know on that.

Danny: One thing I do know is it's time for question number four. Are we ready to move

Danny: on now with question number four, TK?

TK: Yeah, let's do it.

Danny: Awesome. Okay, I like this because you were just speaking about advice that

Danny: you got. So I like this question, actually.

Danny: Question four, what is the worst advice that you got that you actually listened to?

TK: Ooh, that I actually listened to. Okay. This is going to be a little,

TK: it's going to be a little vulnerable.

TK: I kind of share this in my podcast, The Secret Life of TK Dutess.

TK: And that first episode is about my journey through burnout or like what happened, right?

TK: And burnout looks a lot of ways and it presents very specifically for Black people, Black women.

TK: And I forget that things. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I love,

TK: it doesn't matter to me who they are, right?

TK: They're black, they're white, it doesn't matter. But I forget that the world

TK: is experienced differently based on who we are.

TK: So in the podcast, there's a moment where I'm reflecting on my colleagues,

TK: you know, lovely people.

TK: They happen to be white and they're sharing. They're like, TK, they're reflecting.

TK: They're like, this thing that happened to you, it's absolutely crazy. have you

TK: done this that and a third right and I go you know

TK: what let me go do that and then I realized

TK: it it doesn't I go do the thing it doesn't

TK: work for me because the world doesn't experience me like they experience the

TK: world right like my white colleagues have a different experience than me so

TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person you know sometimes it doesn't match.

TK: It doesn't correlate. And I ended up

TK: I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize wasn't

TK: going to work for me because the advice was given to me by someone I loved.

TK: So I went and I tried it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.

TK: So it kind of made me sad and a little bit alienated me from my friends because

TK: I was scared to tell them stuff and I was scared to receive advice that I then

TK: would be overcritical of because I think, well, this is not going to work for me, whatever,

TK: you know, or that also that they didn't see it, that it wouldn't work for me, right?

TK: That because it worked for you, they weren't realizing that it wouldn't work for me.

TK: And that kind of made me feel like, man, maybe they don't know me.

TK: Maybe they don't see me. And maybe now I'm going down the road.

TK: When I say worry less, I wish I could worry less.

TK: But it's kind of like the cards have been dealt.

TK: And these are the things that go through my mind. And so anyway,

TK: all that to say is it's not like a piece of advice.

TK: It's it's just a tough, a tough thing, a tough difference that I've had to, like, realize.

TK: And now I have to you kind of have to do it with everybody. Right.

TK: So, you know, what did you take?

TK: Would you take dental advice from a dentist with messed up teeth? No.

TK: Like, you know, so now I kind of have to look at the world like,

TK: OK, well, who's talking?

TK: And I kind of also would love to

TK: ask the world before they say stuff to recognize who they're talking to,

TK: you know, and I think a lot of people with chronic illness could probably relate

TK: in a way that like people give them unsolicited advice.

TK: They go, have you tried yoga? Have you stretched? Have you drank this mushroom

TK: tea? And these people are like, I'm in pain.

TK: Recognize that i'm in pain so it's kind of like that i don't know you know and

TK: i hope i'm i'm correlating it properly but for me i feel like there's different

TK: populations that can like understand that

Danny: 100 and i know i can

Danny: here's a certainly smaller example my

Danny: wife and she suffers from mental she suffers from

Danny: depression and anxiety and she has done since she's 20

Danny: years old and one of her old employers one of her old

Danny: bosses said well if you try yoga that'll make you

Danny: feel better it's like but not being in that not being

Danny: in the same position uh you know as my wife who's

Danny: got these issues and how she deals with them um and and

Danny: to your point tk it's even the

Danny: most like well-intentioned ally unless they're living the experience of the

Danny: person they're trying to be an ally for can never give the that the right advice

Danny: they can give advice maybe but as you see unless it's lived it could never be

Danny: the the right advice i feel yeah.

TK: There's that barrier you know

TK: like we can knock that barrier down but

TK: like and also like knowing and because i also want to be

TK: very clear that there are some people that that have your experience that

TK: will give you absolutely crap advice

TK: um so there's that but i

TK: think we all have to just be like it comes with just recognizing

TK: who a person is and the body they're living in that

TK: that actually counts you know like that means something and I think my disappointment

TK: came from not realizing that sooner and then feeling hurt that they didn't see

TK: it right you know so when you talk about your wife you know like yeah like

TK: It's like, don't you see, like, I'm going through something and this doesn't help me at all.

TK: You know, like, ask me what I need and then, like, let's talk, you know. So, yeah.

Danny: And I was going to ask you that. What is your sort of approach to that then

Danny: where you can maybe see that people are trying to help, but they're doing the

Danny: opposite almost because they're not in your shoes.

Danny: They don't know exactly what you're going through, what you need at that time.

Danny: Do you try and, like, steer them or give them advice?

Danny: Or do you, like, what's your approach?

TK: Now I try to, you know, well, now that I have it in my mind,

TK: like, I have an example of, like, this thing.

TK: I try to stop it before it continues. I go, oh, no, I promise you that's not

TK: going to work for me. I've tried that already.

TK: What I need is X. And then I'm, you got to be prepared to ask for something

TK: and be direct nowadays because if you leave it up to folks, it's just whatever their experience is.

TK: So yoga might be the thing for that person. And you just say,

TK: so now I'm like, okay, so, you know, when I've been in my down depression times

TK: and, you know, I've said to people, I could use a snack for,

TK: I could use some time alone. Maybe you won't be able to get back to you till Tuesday.

TK: I could use this thing. So if it's a workplace thing, which a lot of my stuff

TK: was at the time or the source of a lot of my stuff and like it's friends and

TK: colleagues trying to give me

TK: workplace advice, if they work with me directly, I would say eventually,

TK: hey, love that.

TK: What I really need from you is, you know, when we're in the meeting and that

TK: thing happens, can you like back me up Or can you, like, reiterate,

TK: can you, like, throw the question back to me so I could repeat myself?

TK: Because I feel like this thing is happening to me a very specific way.

TK: So sometimes you literally have to spell it out to folks. You can't bank on

TK: folks reading your mind, you know?

Danny: Yeah. I mean, hopefully. But I would imagine, though, like, friends,

Danny: close friends especially, appreciate that approach, too, where,

Danny: you know, now they know how to help.

Danny: And maybe they felt bad about trying to help and then making you feel worse

Danny: as well. So now they're hopefully more cognizant about, okay,

Danny: let's really listen to what TK needs and let's make that happen.

TK: Yeah, definitely.

Danny: That is awesome advice. And again, I'm really bad at speaking directly.

Danny: It must be the Libra side of me where you're meant to balance the air crap out. So I will try.

TK: Yeah, say it when you go to your community meeting. What do you want for this fire hydrant now?

Danny: Yeah, exactly. I need it hosed up or just ornamental there. Yeah,

Danny: I like it. I will do that. Do that for sure.

Danny: All right, well, TK, we're almost there. Let's have a look then at question

Danny: number five to bring you home.

Danny: Okay, question number five, and I like this one to ease things out for the end

Danny: of the five random questions.

Danny: So, TK, number five, tell me about your dream house.

TK: Dream house. Okay, TK's dream house.

TK: I really love one of my next hobbies in life or my next career or my next whatever

TK: comes to me because I seem to be amassing a ton of hobbies as this life goes on.

TK: And as I try to like heal and do things that are outside of the norm is I love mid-century design.

TK: And I would firstly, I would just love a fixer upper to fix up.

TK: I think there's another part of me that's going to be like an interior decorator

TK: or some type of like that kind of person.

TK: A lot of the stuff in my current place is like found, found from the street,

TK: found from friends, found from Facebook Marketplace. And so I would love like

TK: a house that kind of blends contemporary modern design, right?

TK: Like modern convenience with stability of like old stuff, you know,

TK: like the refrigerators used to, they don't break, right?

TK: Like they didn't use to break and like inside a refrigerator,

TK: like back in the day, I don't know how back maybe the fifties,

TK: They used to have like a giant lazy Susan.

TK: So you can get the food and turn it and see the food. I think that's so like,

TK: mind-blowing um so i'd get myself an

TK: old fridge i'd get myself an old stove because they

TK: thought the future they thought they were they thought they

TK: were forecasting the future um in like the 50s and 60s so like the the stove

TK: would have four different compartments you could make pancakes and a roast at

TK: the same time and i'm not saying i'm any suzy homemaker at all but if there's

TK: an opportunity to make bacon and like a fried fish at the same time i'm gonna take it so like

TK: i would like some like appliances that are

TK: old and stable that i'd never have to like change but of course i would love

TK: to like of course like use a remote control to like control my air you know

TK: so that's what i mean about like that and then like some just like cool furniture

TK: with like bright colors like i want to get i want us to get away from beige

TK: i want us to get away from brown.

TK: Brown is cool, actually.

TK: Beige and these weird millennial gray.

TK: No, I just want us to be open to colors and wallpaper again.

TK: And when you walk into your house, people say, oh, these people are living.

TK: This is not just ornamental. I come from a people. My people are Caribbean.

TK: And I think more than just Caribbean people can relate to the plastic on the

TK: furniture and that room you don't go in.

TK: And I love my mom, but she's still, she does it now.

TK: Like there's places you don't sit. There's places you don't touch.

TK: I want to live in it. I want to get the cool couch and I want to put my feet

TK: all over it. I want it to be bright.

TK: I want rooms to have different kinds of wallpaper.

TK: My dream house is the dream house that I can design that has like

TK: amazing uh just comforts a space like to make art um a space for whoever i'm

TK: living with my chosen family to have their interests like to do their like art

TK: craft or whatever and then like cool like appliances from the past yeah i

Danny: Like it's like the jetson appliances right where you got the

Danny: future but they all sort of almost like the fantastic four as well

Danny: the most recent movie but had that yes i'm curious

Danny: you mentioned obviously the dream house would be get a fixer upper and then

Danny: infuse it with these different you know items and different styles and approaches

Danny: you've been in a lot of countries um that are very different from each other

Danny: different cultures is there something you pull from one of the countries or

Danny: two of the countries or whatever that you you feel i must have that if i had

Danny: a dream house i could do whatever i wanted i'd grab that from there.

TK: Yeah um i would say okay all

TK: the color stuff i'm definitely thinking mexico um

TK: the color and then just

TK: the the are all the art like all the handicrafts

TK: and all the those would be hanging in my house um

TK: the efficiency model that like japan has a lot of efficiency going for it so

TK: definitely would pull from that i have a thing for some of the small objects

TK: i make um like like plates and stuff like that like i think of you know like

TK: there's always a plate with,

TK: you know, y'all had the queen and I guess y'all have the king now.

TK: There's always a plate with a location or a royal on it.

TK: I love those kind of like effects in a home.

TK: I think we just shouldn't be shy about that stuff.

TK: And like wherever we go, bring some of it back.

TK: I'm very big into when I go somewhere, how do I make it home for me so that

TK: I can feel cozy? But when I come back home, what am I taking out of my suitcase

TK: to remind me that like, man, that was amazing.

TK: Tapestry, Japanese tapestry is beautiful.

TK: And then I do end up having too many little things, but I don't care. I don't care.

TK: Throw it all the way when I'm all gone. I don't care.

Danny: Yeah, and it's like you say, it's lived, right? It's a lived experience.

Danny: It's not like the, that can't be touched because that's pristine.

Danny: That's got to remain pristine. Like the best china, you can never use that for

Danny: tea or coffee or whatever, right? You can't do that.

Danny: But I'm guessing one thing you won't have in your dream house is a kimono fitting closet.

TK: No. They're not going to tie me up again. I can't do it. I can't do it

Danny: I try we'll not be bringing we'll not be bringing that in from Japan not at

Danny: all that is awesome well again if you do have that,

Danny: please share photographs you know I'd love to see that that's awesome and it's

Danny: nice to hear your approach to what a dream home would be because sometimes you

Danny: can get people that would be oh it'd be a massive mansion pool gardeners and

Danny: all that cool stuff which nothing wrong with that but I like the lived and approach where it's,

Danny: real about this is my experience this is my life and this is you're going to

Danny: be comfortable no matter who you are and you come to visit me you're going to

Danny: be comfortable which I love.

TK: Walk with your shoes. Well, shoes off, guys. Sorry. But I will have socks for

TK: people. Oh, and I will say one thing, Danny.

TK: You know, like there's a plague of the front lawn is like, I think the biggest

TK: thing, the biggest plague in housing in America, right?

TK: A waste of space and a way to take us away from our communities like this,

TK: the green, pristine front lawn.

TK: And I would just, oh, I would, I would probably make some people mad.

TK: I would just start planting food.

TK: I would plant food for people to, you know, if you see it and,

TK: you know, I'd put a little sign for my neighbors, take what you want,

TK: leave me, leave me like three,

TK: you know, take what you want, leave me three, come up on the porch,

TK: get some herbs, like, leave me a little bit, but, oh, I would love to rip up

TK: a front lawn and make it into a little garden. Yeah.

Danny: I hear you now. We used to live in a, close to Toronto, actually,

Danny: we used to live before the kids were born.

Danny: And it was always the same thing. It was like pristine lawns and a lot of wedges, etc.

Danny: And we moved to a little village six years ago, back to 2019,

Danny: just before the pandemic, actually.

Danny: And one of the things I really enjoyed is the fact that we've rewilded,

Danny: we'll just let the place go to the crap, if you like.

Danny: And because of that, it's a huge wilderness ecosystem now. You've got different

Danny: birds, critters, all that, and it's amazing.

Danny: So yeah, I'm 100% on you. I used to be that person that wanted the yard to look

Danny: really nice, trim it down, get it to a certain height with the grass, etc. Uh-uh, no more.

TK: Nah, there's so many, there's so much little joys in what you can find in a

TK: yard now. And I also learned that from a friend of mine who,

TK: she was a podcaster, and now she does farming.

TK: Like, she has a flower farm in Indianapolis, and she, that's what she does.

TK: And she walked me through Millennium Garden in Chicago.

TK: She walked me through and showed me their area, which just like you described,

TK: like your your home now has like just like all these this cool wildlife and

TK: different like stuff growing.

TK: She's like, yeah, so they did this on purpose.

TK: And people think that in the winter, you know, it looks overgrown and it's brown.

TK: And then she explained every part of that ecosystem. She's like,

TK: it's brown because like it's in it's hibernating. And underneath all these leaves

TK: that you think are dead are bugs that are feeding the soil.

TK: And in the spring, they'll come back, but we won't cut it per se.

TK: We're going to let it like, and I'm like, man, this is blowing my mind.

TK: And I'm like, man, if we could just all be more open to like that as a thing

TK: for our gardens, but also like a thing for our lives. There's a season. There's a reason.

TK: There's something that's feeding you from the inside that you won't even get to like.

TK: See bare fruit till later and

TK: i hope that that our lives that we can like kind of tap into that you know

Danny: I as mentioned i 100 agree and i think that's a perfect segue into the end of

Danny: your time on the random hot seat so i really appreciate that tk i love that

Danny: answer as is only fair i had you on the hot seat for about 40 minutes or so

Danny: now uh so it's only fair to hand over the question baton to you okay.

TK: So um with my podcast i'm i'm kind of going through my healing process and seeing

TK: what's on the other side and it's a journey so i'm asking other people because

TK: also i think other people feel very um

TK: People that have given me feedback, they feel very empowered to share with me

TK: what went wrong for them, what the cause of their burnout was. And I'm like, thank you.

TK: Appreciate that. Not your therapist.

TK: However, I am interested in hearing how you're healing.

TK: So, Danny, how are you healing? And it doesn't matter what from.

TK: And it doesn't matter what size or what level of healing. How are you healing?

Danny: No, no, I appreciate that. And I think it ties into the move that we made,

Danny: as I mentioned, six years ago.

Danny: We lived in a big city. It wasn't Toronto, but it was a city quite big.

Danny: There was a lot of people there, lots of great buildings and stuff. I worked at an agency.

Danny: Agency life can be demanding.

Danny: And it was a long commute. It was two hours there, two hours back.

Danny: So I had young kids that were five, six at the time, really young.

Danny: So I wasn't seeing them in the mornings. I'd left by the time they got up.

Danny: And they'd had dinner by the time we got home. And it was almost time for bed.

Danny: So there's a lot of stuff going on and it was just burnout burnout burnout and

Danny: I there was one morning where I sort of I was on the bus at the train station

Danny: getting ready to go on the train to Toronto to do my job and I couldn't go forward

Danny: I couldn't work and basically I had a breakdown,

Danny: and my wife as I mentioned she's very experienced with

Danny: mental wellness she had a podcast for a while about her journey

Danny: so she had me on to speak about that and my diagnosis and I

Danny: got a lot of good treatment with um a specialist place you

Danny: know where we lived at the time so that was awesome and it

Danny: made me realize that i had

Danny: to step back and get out of that environment so i

Danny: guess my healing from a wellness point of view and from just

Danny: a nicer place to be in here

Danny: and for the listeners i'm pointing to my head because we're

Danny: not you know doing video um was moving you know to a really small village there's

Danny: only 800 families here it's a very small place um there's a lovely lake about

Danny: a 15 minute walk from our house so you can go there and kayak and swim in the

Danny: summer and all that cool stuff and it freezes in the winter you can walk over it to one of the islands.

Danny: It's a nice place. It's a nice, quiet. It suits me.

Danny: And it's really, you know, people that I used to hang out with in the old place

Danny: where I lived know the difference in me when I speak to them on the phone or

Danny: go visit, you know, for holidays or whatever.

Danny: So I feel that that's my healing is I had to have that breakdown,

Danny: if you like, and then realize why it was happening.

Danny: And then, OK, what do we do? Let's move to a quieter place and start afresh almost. Wow.

TK: And just real quick, how did it feel? Was it scary to start over in another

TK: place, which was totally different from this big city?

Danny: It was super scary because you've got a whole different way of life to think

Danny: about. So you have to prep your home for winter because the winter's here last five months.

Danny: We live in a well. I never lived in a well before. So if that runs out because

Danny: of the hot weather, you've got problems.

Danny: We live on a septic so that manages all the waste and everything and you've

Danny: got to manage that every so often so there's a whole bunch of things that you

Danny: had to completely change that took getting used to and then the kids pulling

Danny: the kids out of school sort of halfway through the year to move up here in the

Danny: winter it was a big change but,

Danny: We can't imagine doing anything differently now. So it was scary and it took

Danny: us a while to get into the mindset of going from a way up here city-wise to

Danny: a way down here village-wise and all that entailed. So, yeah,

Danny: it was definitely scary.

Danny: I think, weirdly enough, the pandemic helped because we moved November 2019

Danny: and then March 2020, the world closed down, basically.

Danny: So that gave us time to adapt and learn what we had to learn, etc. et cetera.

Danny: So by the time the world kind of opened back up, all right, this is what we do.

Danny: Now we need to make friends and such as, and, you know, integrate ourselves

Danny: to the community. And that, that kind of helped, I think.

TK: Yeah. You guys tippy-toed into it.

Danny: Yeah. As opposed to just arriving and going, you know, gung-ho,

Danny: hey, we're from the city, let's do this. And that would have been awful.

Danny: That would have been awful. So yeah, it worked out that way for sure.

TK: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.

Danny: No, thank you for the question. I really appreciate it. And,

Danny: and, you know, it's, It's like you say, it just goes back to all you promote

Danny: as well, you know, taking the time, knowing yourself and being there for yourself.

Danny: So I appreciate that question, DK. Thank you.

TK: Yeah, I'm glad to.

Danny: So I really enjoyed chatting to you and hearing your answers and hearing the vulnerabilities.

Danny: For people that want to learn more about A, the podcast that you have,

Danny: B, you're speaking, C, the cool R and all the other amazing stuff that you do.

Danny: Where's the best place to A, connect or listen, etc.?

TK: Yes. Everything is on tastyquiche.com.

TK: That is what the TK stands for. That was my original, very, very original early

TK: days radio name when I was on broadcast.

TK: And tastyquiche.com and different tabs will take you to different places.

TK: The podcast is up there called The Secret Life of T.K.

TK: Dutess, and it is an experiment. It's nonlinear, you know, so sometimes we'll

TK: be on a journey of the mind.

TK: Sometimes we'll be on location and sometimes we'll be just in the world talking to each other.

TK: Super glad to be here. And I'm so very, very thankful, Danny. I appreciate you.

Danny: You're welcome. And I appreciate you being here. And I will leave all the links

Danny: to that in the show notes as always.

Danny: So whatever app you're listening on or if you're listening on the Five Random

Danny: Questions website, the episode show notes will have a link over to the website.

Danny: And you can catch all the amazing stuff that TK does there. And please do check

Danny: out the art section. There's some really, really cool, very nice stuff there.

Danny: So again, TK, thank you for appearing on today's Five Random Questions.

TK: Awesome. Thank you.

Danny: Thanks for listening to five random questions if you enjoyed this week's episode

Danny: i'd love for you to leave a review on the app you're currently listening on

Danny: or over at five random questions.com forward slash review and if you know someone

Danny: else that would enjoy the show be sure to send them this way it's very much

Danny: appreciated until the next time keep asking those questions.