In this replay from May 2023, we welcome Mark and Adena Delaney, hosts of the Purpose Mastermind podcast and mentors dedicated to helping people discover and live out their purpose. They discuss the transformative power of living with purpose as a solution to depression, anxiety, and addiction. Mark shares his own journey from feeling trapped in a teaching job to finding his purpose. Adena speaks about her experience and the importance of recognizing one's value. The Delaneys emphasize that true purpose is found within, not outside of oneself, and share compelling stories of lives changed through understanding and pursuing purpose. They also provide practical advice and free resources to help listeners start their own journeys towards a more purposeful and fulfilling life.

Connect with the Delaneys at MarkDelaney.com or check out their podcast The Purpose Mastermind here or Grab How to Change Course

https://courses.markdelaney.com/how-to-change with coupon code for free access: mychange

Grab Your Free Workbook to Reignite Your Passion here. Join my community and newsletter KristinFitch.com

Connect with me on Instagram here @kristinfitch.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction to Purpose Mentors

00:40 Mark's Journey: From Teacher to Purpose Mentor

04:18 Adina's Perspective: Teaching and Purpose

07:21 The Importance of Purpose and Value

08:25 Addressing Mental Health Through Purpose

16:10 Finding Purpose Within

23:40 Breaking Free from Comfort Zones

24:09 Intentional Living and Teaching

25:13 Redesigning Life for Joyful Alignment

26:59 Managing Expectations and Finding Peace

29:02 Discovering and Pursuing Your Purpose

33:50 Overcoming Life's Challenges

38:40 The Power of Hope and Purpose

44:25 Final Thoughts and Resources

Ignite Your Passion, Simplify Your Life and Deepen Your Faith, Master Your Mindset, Improve Your Health

Are you trying to design a life you love but get stuck in the what-ifs, and expectations and obligations in your life? Welcome to Building a Life You Love, a podcast dedicated to helping you step into a life where your passion blooms from within, your faith deepens and simplicity becomes your favorite synonym for everyday life. What is holding you back from designing a life you love. It's time to give yourself permission to step into a future that nourishes, renews, and supports you and What God Has for You.

Each week we'll dive into creating positive habits, stepping out of your comfort zone, making space for meaningful relationships and deepening your faith.

I share practical tips, uplifting guest conversations and expert guidance you can use.

We will focus on:

• You CAN Change Your Life

- Simplifying Our Lives

- Slowing Down Our Pace

- Rediscovering Our Passion, Creativity & Curiosity

- Stepping into New Possibilities at Any Age

-Igniting Our Faith Fueled Dreams

- Cultivating Healthy Physical, Mental and Spiritual Practices

- Overcoming Fears and Limiting Beliefs

- Makeovers: Learning to Be Present, Calmer and Grateful

- Cultivating and Nurturing Our Friendships and Marriages

This is Your Life. Your One Life. How Will You Choose to Live It? I choose to celebrate those among us who stepped off the path of expectation and into a life that feels good on the inside and outside. If you are looking for a place to help you live a more joyful, peaceful life and to step into more ease and calm in your day you've come to the right place

#soulscalling #findyourpurpose #purposedrivenlife #madeforpurpose #curefordepression #purpose #hopeful #leadership #changeyourlife #personaldevelopment #christianliving #uniquelymade #findingfreedom #lifecalling

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Kristin Fitch: And I cannot wait to have this conversation with them because They are helping people know their purpose so they can find freedom to live that purpose out boldly. And I think this is such an important topic. I'm so passionate about it as well. So welcome Mark and Adina.

Mark Delaney: Thanks for having us. We appreciate it.

Kristin Fitch: Absolutely. So can you tell us a little bit about what did life look like before and then what's life look like now and how did you step into helping people with their purpose?

Mark Delaney: I think I loved it because I loved kids and teaching kids was fulfilling, but at the same time, I felt like I was kind of trapped in my own life. where it had become a life where all I was really doing was searching for, to keep my security and comfort and a dose of reputation. As long as I could tell people, Hey, I have this job.

Mark Delaney: Aren't you impressed? But deep down, I was just living for security and comfort. And there was something in me that was like tapping from the inside of my heart saying, you've got something more to give. And I recall it was like about two years before I left teaching that I was on a school field trip at a zoo, and there was this, um, enclosure about as big as a large living room.

Mark Delaney: And sure enough, up on the branch was this eagle. And I felt like I spent two years. talking to that eagle about its life, because really it was my life. The eagle was comfortable, it was safe, and they come and feed it every day. And on top of that, every now and then, children stop with their parents and say, look, mom, isn't that an eagle?

Mark Delaney: And the first line of the book, it's not even chapter one, it's the preface or the preamble. And it says the stop living as if the goal of life. Is to arrive at death safely and yeah, yes, and I, I, I handed the book to Adina and I said, read that first line. And I said, I'm, I'm leaving the school. So next day I called the administrator and said, this is my last year.

Mark Delaney: And, um, that's, that's where this next adventure became, became, um, it was the beginning of our next adventure in life.

Kristin Fitch: You were lacking fulfillment. And so how, how, what is your role in this part of the story, Adina? Like, were you also a teacher? I wasn't sure about that. Or what did life look like for you then, as far as, and then how did this come along for you?

Adena Delaney: Yeah, that's another great question. Like, we were both school teachers for about two decades.

Adena Delaney: So we love to show people where their value is. Um, but yeah, for me, I was still teaching Mark step down. Um, I continue teaching at the school and, you know, we do things together quite often. We've been connected and chasing life together all throughout the years. So, um, so I loved being a part of just watching him just take steps and discover what it was that he was going to do with, with, um, all of the helping people to find their purpose.

Adena Delaney: It's something that you don't just walk out of your job and know instantly. Um, so as, as I got to watch it, it was beautiful and The thing is, is it's powerful. You, when you search and you try to find something that has deep value in you, you realize there's mindsets that you have that wait a minute, that's not healthy.

Adena Delaney: Yet deep, the things that you get to experience when you're pursuing your value. And so you can live it out simple, but it goes very deep. And so I've enjoyed getting to watch him on his journey, but I also, I mean, you never just live life. You always have experiences in front of you and. I have had many different things that have helped me to chase my value.

Adena Delaney: I grew up as a child, not really feeling valued just because of how life was as a child. Different situations will teach you different things. If you don't get picked for the team, if this person is hurtful to you, those things will tell you that. And that's the simple story of it. Um, but then a couple of years ago, I had a brain injury and that.

Adena Delaney: It just depends on what, what depth.

Mark Delaney: So while our business was being built the first probably four years she was teaching and I was building and then A year and a half ago. She left teaching and so but we're in this full time together now

Adena Delaney: Yeah, we were very excited to get to take that. So for the last 12 months we have been together doing this as a team and the thing is is If there's marriages, like there can be a man that can speak to a man's heart differently in a woman, you understand can speak to a woman's heart differently.

Kristin Fitch: So beautiful. I love that. Yeah. And I think, uh, you know, speaking of Mark Batterson, I recently finished his new book, uh, please. Sorry. Thanks. And in, in the book he's talking about, you know, what you guys also talk about, which is, you know, how mental health is measured, it's measured on a spectrum and it goes from depression and then he says languishing, right.

Kristin Fitch: Kind of in the middle where things aren't quite whole, but they're not terrible. And then it moves into flourishing. Well, I think all of us would love to flourish. Right. We'd love to have lives that are growing and thriving, but many of us get stuck. While it might not be considered, um, you know, diagnosed depression, the point is it's a lack of, it's feeling hopeless.

Kristin Fitch: Right? Like, how do they show up in the world? Like, what would you share with us what you've learned, whether from your own journey or how you've been helping people?

Mark Delaney: I, I, I completely agree with what you said. This, um, I, I'll give a story. There was a young man, probably four months ago that came to me and where he was at in life is the last year he was basically becoming an alcoholic.

Mark Delaney: We search for something to give us some sense of substance, and oftentimes substances, like alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, these things give us a sense of meaning. If a person doesn't have a real, the real substance of meaning and purpose in their life, In my opinion, the human being must search for a substitute, even if it's, um, destructive.

Mark Delaney: And because of, um, having now a family and a couple of young kids, he decided to sell, sell his company,

Kristin Fitch: which

Mark Delaney: was giving him all that camaraderie and purpose. And he took a corporate job that in his words, he said, I work 12 hour shifts. And every time I leave, I feel like there's 12 hours of wasted life.

Mark Delaney: The great threat is then we will stop, we'll focus on stopping depression or stopping our addiction. And what people need to do is start their life again.

Kristin Fitch: Yes. I have so much I can say right there and I am going to share a couple of things. The first is, you know, for whatever reason, I do have a couple other things that Mark Patterson said because he really does speak to the heart of this right and the first is I'm going to get the quote wrong but he says something like.

Kristin Fitch: The cure for sin isn't to try to stop sinning. And when I say sin, I'm surely not saying like addiction, people are trying to do it. You know, we've all, we all have our things that we've gone through. What I'm saying though, is if you have something that has a hold on you, he says the cure for it is not trying to stop it, but it's to step into purpose.

Kristin Fitch: If it came about, he says, we don't die when our hearts stop beating, we die when our hearts stop skipping a beat in pursuit of our passions, when our hearts are breaking for the things that break the heart of God. And so to your point, so important. And I actually have one of my college age sons is. He came home from college away at university because he started struggling with, uh, mental health issues, depression, and, and, um, suicidal thoughts.

Kristin Fitch: He struggles with that and he does have a little bit of a social, um, you know, some social challenges. And so I think he has a hard time seeing like the big picture still, but it's a, it's a daily work in progress, right? He's doing well in school. He just started his summer job. But my point is, I even see how much more.

Kristin Fitch: Important. This is because of how, how aimless I can tell he is like in his purpose in life, you know, and I can tell him a million things about his value and worth, but he doesn't believe it yet. He doesn't believe it yet. You know? So, so I see it firsthand in my own life with someone I love just how important this is like that.

Kristin Fitch: This is literally, I think one of the most important, one of the biggest problems in our society right now is this hopelessness, this loneliness, this aimlessness. It's because people don't. they don't know how they fit in. They don't know what is their reason for being right. What is their lead reason for living?

Mark Delaney: And I said, listen, they don't have a chance. Our kids do not have a chance against all those things, nor do we as leaders have a chance to somehow block all of those things. But if our kids know who they are,

Kristin Fitch: they

Mark Delaney: have every chance. If they know their purpose and they pursue it, they have every chance.

Kristin Fitch: Mm hmm.

Mark Delaney: We look in the, we look at the wrong places we're searching for it in the wrong places. I'll tell a story. A young man named Chuckie sat down with me and his older brother at a Chick fil a where all good things happen. Little Chuckie at the time was 15 years old and he had gotten into trouble. So much trouble that he had to be taken from his home and sent to a boy's school and he's home for a week on It on a vacation and he's looking around at Chick fil a as if he's looking at the whole world You can see in his face and he said how does someone find it?

Mark Delaney: Kermit the Frog once sang a song about rainbows. And why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what's on the other side? I said, Chucky, most people are looking outside of them to find this great rainbow and then somehow figure out how to get the other side of it where there's this pot of gold and they can say, look, world, I found it.

Mark Delaney: The gold is the gift within us that we get to live boldly our life in front of people, and help people be inspired to what they can be with their life. So probably One of the most simple ways that we miss purpose is we look for it in the wrong place, looking for it outside of us instead of finding it inside of us.

Kristin Fitch: Absolutely. I mean, and I think a lot of us, you know, we, we are taught in a lot of messages from culture or society teach us, you know, take the safe job. Oh, that's silly. You know, the job that's going to pay the bills and not that we, we, of course we need to be able to support our families and such. But what I'm saying is.

Kristin Fitch: We'll feel that value because that's actually how we were made. We were made often to step into something related to those things.

Mark Delaney: Yes, totally. Totally agree. And that was, it was interesting. Chuckie sat at that table that day and I had my purpose mastermind, our program booklet on the table, actually my leader guide, and I had opened to the back of it where there's this fill in the blank sentence.

Mark Delaney: And I'll always keep that old leader guide I had because his purpose is there. And just like you said, it is so connected to the turmoil of his life because the turmoil of his life is actually pointing him to the gift of his life.

Kristin Fitch: And

Mark Delaney: when you're 15 years old, it's actually kind of simple to see that.

Kristin Fitch: But

Mark Delaney: once we're 50, it's amazing how almost impossible it is for us to see it without someone guiding us there.

Kristin Fitch: I've known where God was leading me in my purpose, but just because we know it, it's very hard to sometimes get there fully. Meaning I had worked in online technology, online marketing for so long that every time, even with this podcast, I went through a program last summer, you know, and I said, Oh, well, I built this one website.

Kristin Fitch: You know, my mom and I had co founded, you know, we had over 10 million users to the website over many years, but it was all organic. And they're like, Oh, well, that's what you should do. You should teach, teach people how to do the SEO and how to do the growth traffic. So, but then I was like, no, this doesn't feel right.

Kristin Fitch: It's because people keep trying to push me back to what my background was in, what my kind of expertise was in, what my zone of excellence was in, but it wasn't where God was calling me. And it wasn't where I felt like my purpose where I'm most such a show up and serve the world. So I had to, I have to keep.

Kristin Fitch: And are you sure? Cause this thing will pay you a lot more right now. Right. And so it's. We're, are we literally, or seems like we're going against the current. We're not, but it feels like that for a moment in time before I think the river opens up.

Mark Delaney: Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. That's a very common, I like to use the word river.

Mark Delaney: Um, we use that with young people and talking to them about their life, that life is much safer if you stay on the shore.

Kristin Fitch: Sure. Yeah.

Mark Delaney: And so much so that you think that's where you belong, but the river is where the adventure is.

Kristin Fitch: He didn't call us into safety, right? He actually is trying to beckon us to step up and step out in our lives. That is where all the good things happen. Yes, there might be risks. Yes, there might be troubles ahead, but that is where we're meant to live. We're not meant to live dangerously. a safe, comfortable lives in our, where we never leave our homes.

Kristin Fitch: But I think that's what many of us have gotten used to, you know, is, Oh, I'll just stay right here. I'm comfy. I have everything we need, but that's not where our hearts really are called to be.

Mark Delaney: Yeah. That's, that's been our story. It's learning, uh, it's been learning how to swim when we got so used to, or learning how to fly when it was for me specifically, it was so used to being in that cage of comfort.

Adena Delaney: Yeah,

Mark Delaney: but I wouldn't trade it.

Adena Delaney: I want to take care of their hearts and the whole, you know, whole person of who they are. Um, but I lived life more grunting, working, trying, doing this, the other. And there were so many important things that I needed to do. And there were so many great things happening around me, but the experience of it, from my heart, it wasn't, um, it wasn't like long, sustainable.

Kristin Fitch: Absolutely. And that's why I was sharing with you, um, before we started recording and I've shared it on my podcast a little bit, although I just recorded a. Full episode that'll come out soon, but I talk about, you know, helping people get into joyful alignment. So it is this, but it's also redesigning your life the way that I think God intended it.

Kristin Fitch: I think too many of us are cramming multiple days into one day and we're wondering why we're burned out and exhausted. It is purpose, but it's also because I think instead of slowing down and actually putting into that day, What needs to get put into it, you know, relationship time, you know, with God, uh, time to obviously do, you know, step into our purpose to serve others.

Kristin Fitch: And no, I don't mean that means if you're in a job and you know, it's maybe not where you want to be in the future. I get that, but we still have all these other hours and we choose how we spend that time, what we say yes to and what we say no to. And so I think to your point is I've had to do a lot of that too, over the last couple of years is.

Kristin Fitch: Does this feel right? Like, does it feel right at my soul level, you know, or could I do this differently? Could I choose to say, Oh, at this hour, I'd rather go and do something for my family, you know, then sit at my desk for two more hours, you know, or whatever it might be. But, uh, so I think we have to be intentional with our lives, but I think we also have to audit our lives, right.

Kristin Fitch: Or take inventory of our lives. You know in lots of areas, but I think even with our schedules as well

Adena Delaney: If we get to, even if we like your job, there are expectations within your job. If you change it from expectations of others onto you versus you're excited about doing it, there's a different heart experience in that. So your unique fingerprint. It will be, it will be hidden and there'll be shadows over it.

Adena Delaney: The people won't be able to see exactly who you are. The more you allow other expectations, outside expectations that are not healthy for you to come on you. You get to choose how you experience the different things around you. Um, you know, the, the Bible talks about, you know, you can have peace, even when it doesn't make sense.

Adena Delaney: As a teacher, I knew things couldn't change because I needed to do X, Y, Z to teach these students. And I learned a different way of doing the same exact job, but in a way that I then had And just exuberant amount of peace and joy as comparison to doing it and being strong, because this is a worthy, it's a great calling to teach kids, you know, impact lives for future change.

Kristin Fitch: Absolutely. Oh, so well said. So what advice would you have or just tips for people that are still, you know, trying to understand what is their purpose and how do they tap into that inside of themselves?

Kristin Fitch: How do you guide people in that?

Mark Delaney: Well, our program is, is an eight week journey on doing just that thing. Um, we take people through the first four weeks. We take people through the confusing mindsets that make it impossible to find our purpose. Um, we look at it like a, imagine your life is in a wilderness.

Mark Delaney: So our premise is that. So you're lost in the wilderness. What if you find the path of your purpose in that wilderness? And so our journey is to take people from the mindsets that keep them in the wilderness. And instead the mindsets that can get you on that path. And so, uh, in, in short, a couple of things I would say, like I mentioned earlier with the story of Chucky, is that purpose is not outside of you.

Kristin Fitch: If

Mark Delaney: you, it's like, I talked to a man yesterday who talked about how he talked about, uh, ADHD, you know, he's like 55 and he's like, I'm always did it today. I'm going from this to this, to this, to this. And he said, it's because of ADHD. He said, it's because of ADHD. It's not because of that. It's because he doesn't know who he is and what he wants to chase.

Mark Delaney: It's not something outside of you that you attach to your life. It's something inside of you that you give with your whole life. So it's something that you can Purpose is not something you attach to your life. It's something you bring in everything that you do with your life. Which is really the liberating component of purpose.

Mark Delaney: People make jobs awesome. Jobs don't make people awesome. So those are a couple of the things that I would say, um, about finding purpose.

Kristin Fitch: So good. And you're so right. You know, absolutely. Always comes down to, uh, the person, the people, you know, and, and the relationship with other people, right. How we're showing up, you know, in other people's lives.

Mark Delaney: Totally.

Kristin Fitch: So what, uh, what other, um, is there anything else that you would just like to share with the listeners, you know, or, uh, any stories just about, you know, this whole concept. I mean, obviously we've talked a lot about purpose, but just, uh, you know, what, what What else have you seen that, uh, have shifted how helped people shift, you know, and just the way they see their life, the way that they.

Kristin Fitch: Um, understand they have permission to change, to create and design their lives moving forward to look a little different than maybe the past looked.

Mark Delaney: And he said, the last two years I've been depressed and suicidal. And he said, I don't want to hide anymore. That last sentence was the only thing I needed to hear. Because most people, the problem is not what's gone wrong with our life. It's that we hide what's gone wrong with our life. The second problem that happens is that when we do expose what's happened with our life, people rally to that person and they say, stop gaming, stop eating too much.

Mark Delaney: We're not going to talk about pornography, food or gaming. We're going to talk about one thing. We'll talk about your purpose. And that's all we did is talk about who he was made for. We talked about, uh, we didn't, we didn't even talk that much about his life. We talked about people's lives in general, because one of the biggest, I think, things that holds people back is we become a student of our life problems.

Kristin Fitch: to

Mark Delaney: take them to a place where they can understand their life better so much easier.

Mark Delaney: And so I'll just never forget those conversations we had once a week and he just began to change because he was looking. It's almost like the light was coming on in the room of his life and saying, Oh. I forgot what I was made for.

Kristin Fitch: I

Mark Delaney: was just hating what was happening that was wrong. I forgot, I forgot there was something in me.

Mark Delaney: I forgot that I have something to offer the world. And, you know, I think it was three weeks in, he was sat down and he told me, he said, I did something this week.

Kristin Fitch: He said, I

Mark Delaney: And the next week he got together with his friends and then he had, he, he was, cause he was living at home with his parents, just, afraid to be out, afraid to be with anybody. And then it was five weeks in, he applied for a job out of state. And after, I think it was two months, he, he got that job, moved out of state boldly.

Kristin Fitch: But

Mark Delaney: what we can do is we can be awakened and have almost this prodigal son experience like we're like where the prodigal son came to himself and he said, wait a second, I wasn't made for this. And with, with simple steps, a human being can walk away from their problems, but only because they're walking toward their purpose.

Kristin Fitch: So good. I love everything you just said, Mark. And, you know, a couple of things that were kind of coming to me is first thing is, you know, even my dad, so he's 80, he's struggling, um, with plenty of medical stuff at the time. He has Parkinson's and such, but he has the best mindset, right. About improving and getting better, even if he fell and ended up in rehab.

Kristin Fitch: We all have a purpose, right? We were made for something. And so he's always kept that with him. And I think that's, it's so important. The other thing is there's a quote I've recently seen that says something like focus on me, not the storm. But the truth is so many of us focus on our problems, whether it's our own problem or it's in our marriage or, you know, whatever's going on instead of focusing on the one that can actually, that's bigger than our problems.

Kristin Fitch: Right. And so while purpose is so important, I think sometimes we get stuck in the, like you said, trying to solve the problem instead of looking, you know, out to what else we should be doing, you know, and so I think that that's important, but I think at the day, it comes down to when we know our purpose.

Kristin Fitch: Potential and, you know, what we see in people, what do we see in them? Because I think, right, um, helping people see, oh, wow, hadn't even realized, like, this is what I was made for. This is, could be my future, you know, in this deeper way. And I think it's important to remember that because I think we don't always remember we have impact, the words we speak to other people.

Kristin Fitch: And so I would just encourage others to make sure you're speaking that way, especially to youth, you know, and young people, because I think we really can, just like you guys are helping people of their purpose. We can help point people towards a future that is full of hope and is full of purpose and is full of joy.

Mark Delaney: Without a doubt.

Adena Delaney: it's in life. We don't think that this is possible because we see the truth all around us. Um, but there's a greater truth. There's life will teach us truths.

Adena Delaney: And we, and we believe those, um, like when I was a child, I, I believed I didn't have value. We'll just go to that simple example there. And I'm sure many, many people feel like their value has been sabotaged or damaged or hurt or destroyed completely. And We don't really think that there's another option.

Adena Delaney: We put ourselves on the sideline or even just, you know, even just go out to the car and we're not even watching the game. We kick ourselves out, but we don't realize that we're believing a truth that is actually a lie. It's not a lie. We don't live life chasing after our problems and get to a healthy place.

Adena Delaney: We have value. Life teaches us lies that we believe as truth. It does. It's squelches our hope. And so then we sit and we do nothing and we just live out our definition of normal, which is our 12 percent or 23 percent or whatever. We, we just live out that because that's all we can have, but that's not true.

Kristin Fitch: It's

Adena Delaney: simple. It's simple. So people can take a step. And we love to give people one step. Because when you think the whole everything is overwhelming and way too much, when we show them one simple step, they're like, well, I can do that.

Adena Delaney: And they don't even see how much life change will happen when they take that step. But when they, when they take it, then they're experiencing something different. And they're like, Wow. I didn't realize I was talking to a mom and three teenage girls, and we were just talking about one of the concepts and their responses after they did this action step.

Adena Delaney: I mean, just after. Our first conversation together. And so there's always one simple step that you can take, and there is hope. And if you don't have it for your own life, we can step in and have it for you until you see it.

Kristin Fitch: So good. Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing that. So tell me how, or tell, tell everyone, how can people connect with you online, learn more about your podcast and your, um, experience and all those things.

Mark Delaney: And I used to be a man that was going to die because of food, but it wasn't because of food, just like for other people. It's not about addiction. It's not about alcohol, not about drugs. It's the lack of freedom in our lives. And so this course on how to change is really not focusing on your problem. It's how to see your whole life differently so you can walk away from your problem.

Mark Delaney: And so it's called how to change. And I'll, your listeners can have that. I'll be honest with you. We're not really salespeople. So if people, if people contact us to get this, they're not going to get into a recurring email with us or anything. You're just going to get it and we're going to walk away. If you want us in your life, you'll have to reach out, but anyway, I'll give you a phone number for that and an easy code that they can just simply text the word my change and they're going to have that course.

Kristin Fitch: And the fact that you help them understand how to do that through understanding their purpose through finding freedom and knowing that they have value and worth. I don't, I can't think of anything more important. So thank you so much for joining me and taking the time to be with us today.

Mark Delaney: Thank you for having us.

Kristin Fitch: Thank you.