We hear it all the time “It takes a village to raise a child” but what happens when that village is nowhere to be found? What if your friends are too busy, your family is far away, or the support you thought you'd have just isn’t showing up?

In this episode of The Science of Motherhood, Dr. Renee White responds to a listener who asked a very real, very relatable question, “How do I build a village when I can’t rely on anyone around me?”

From moving to a new suburb at 33 weeks pregnant to building support from scratch, Renee shares five real-life strategies to help you create connection and care in early motherhood.

Whether you’re preparing for postpartum or already in the thick of it, this episode offers practical, encouraging guidance to help you feel more held, supported, and a little less alone.

You’ll hear about:

• Why your village doesn’t have to be big to make a difference
• How consistent routines can open the door to connection
• Ways to meet other mums, even if you're starting from scratch
• Gentle strategies for asking for help and accepting support
• The important role professionals can play in your postpartum team

This is a reminder that your village might not look how you imagined but it can still be exactly what you need.

Resources and Links:

📲 Want to chat more about this? Connect with Renee on Instagram: @fillyourcup_

🌐 Want to learn more about Dr Renee White and explore Fill Your Cup Doula services

🍪If you want to gobble up our famous Chocolate + Goji lactation cookies, look no further!

📝 Read the blog version of this episode – Click here

🎧 Listen to Episode 82: Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help? with Katie Parker – Click here

🍼 Follow the Wombe.app on Instagram – @wombee.app

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Because your village doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be there when it counts. 💛

Disclaimer: The information on this podcast presented by the Fill Your Cup is not a substitute for independent professional advice.

Nothing contained in this podcast is intended to be used as medical advice and it is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professional's advice.

[00:00:27] Dr Renee White: I'm Dr. Renee White, and this is The [00:00:30] Science of Motherhood. Hello and welcome to episode 175 of The Science of Motherhood, I am your host, Dr. Renee White. Thanks so much for joining me today. We've got a Check In Tuesday episode, and it has been spurred on by one of our followers on Instagram. Now, the context around this particular episode is that I posted a carousel and I've got it here with me. I've got my phone in front of me. [00:01:00] It is talking about that elusive village that we all hear about, that evidently everyone tells us that we need, and the carousel post is looking at, you know, what if, instead of focusing on the Instagram worthy nursery, you made a list of people who could, you know, hold your baby while you napped, give you shoulder rubs and a foot soak, cook fresh postpartum specific meals and snacks, or provide [00:01:30] consistent mental health check-ins and birth debriefs for you and your partner.

[00:02:01] Dr Renee White: 'Cause I was like too busy trying to like put together the most idyllic baby room. And you know, you, you do that as a first time mum. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you don't, but what I'm also saying is make space for these things as well, and interestingly, I had, a follower who reached out on the post and she said, [00:02:30] how do you start building a village, especially when you can't count on anyone because they say they are quote unquote, too busy or other excuses.

[00:03:29] Dr Renee White: So. [00:03:30] You know, we are always searching for this elusive village. I feel like it's um, I feel like it's like Lord of the Rings like trek of like, where is this village hiding from us? You know, we're on this great big pilgrimage to find, what is supposed to be this group of people that are going to be, you know, around us, you know, all the time and it's gonna be bliss and all the rest of it.

[00:04:23] Dr Renee White: I didn't know where the local cafes were. I didn't know the parks, the playgrounds, where did everyone hang out? [00:04:30] And so, as I said, I'm officially the poster girl for like, how the heck do you find your village? And so I wanted to share with you five things that I did. Probably quite subconsciously as well.

[00:05:14] Dr Renee White: I can't even remember. Maybe we did. There might've been a couple. And you know, there was lots of kind of baby mats in front of us and stuff. And you could put the babies in front of you and there was just sorts of kind of singing and rhyming and things like that. And [00:05:30] so what eventually happened is, you know, you would see like that same mum there, or you'd sit next to a mum and you would kind of like get the courage to like, have a chat to a mum and be like, hi, how you going?

[00:06:04] Dr Renee White: And so my recommendation is, you know, start asking your maternal child health nurse or like your community center, what's available near you. They will have all of those contact points. Many communities run free or low cost, kind of new parent meetups, like whether they be baby sensory classes or library story times, um, even breastfeeding support groups are [00:06:30] fantastic for this and you know I totally get that like your first visit can feel really awkward and it does, 'cause you're like walking into a room and you're like, oh my God, I was talking to someone about this the other day. Like when you become a new mum, you're like, oh my God, I've gotta like learn how to make new friends again. And that can be quite difficult for people who are introverts particularly.

[00:07:19] Dr Renee White: So it's kind of like face-to-face stuff. The other, I guess, aspect is always social media, but I would say be really mindful about that when you're [00:07:30] finding, you know, local mum groups, things like Facebook peanut, local groups on Instagram can be amazing for connection. I would be searching for things like mums of insert your, you know, suburb of city or like due in, and then your birth month. That's actually quite a popular one. A lot of our clients, our doula clients do that and so you are making connections while you're still pregnant and then it kind of [00:08:00] becomes a little bit easier 'cause you've got that established relationship already.

[00:08:25] Dr Renee White: So, totally, totally do that. The other thing I'll say is that I would [00:08:30] keep your eyes peeled for, there's a new app. Coming out this year that I've kind of got, um, the one up on, on this, it's the Wombe app. It's W-O-M-B-E e.app. So look, look at that for, on Instagram, they are creating something very, very cool.

[00:09:17] Dr Renee White: But what I tried to do was I. We had a cafe at the end of our street and I kind of religiously visited that around 10:30 AM most days. Okay like there was [00:09:30] some days where I was like, hell no, I'm not doing that. I haven't even like showered or like whatever. But it's funny how when you start visiting like the same place.

[00:10:11] Dr Renee White: Familiar faces will eventually turn up, you know, they will turn into like some small talk, which will turn into maybe a friendship or an again, exchanging of numbers. And you can just kind of like consistently see those people over and over again. And like, as I said to [00:10:30] you, this is about, this is about building your routine, not just your bubbies.

[00:10:59] Dr Renee White: [00:11:00] And you know, that's totally okay and my fourth tip is asking for help and accepting it even if it's imperfect. I was terrible at this so, so bad because I thought that I could do it all and do it all by myself, like. Like you can't do that, especially in motherhood. Like it just sucks, right? But over time, and I've had a lot of practice, I have become better at it, so [00:11:30] it can feel really uncomfortable, but saying I need help to a friend or a family member, even if it's been, you know.

[00:12:03] Dr Renee White: You know, any chance we could go for a walk or like, you know, did you wanna FaceTime today or can I book in a time to like chat with you? Or like, something really simple as that. Give them an opportunity to really step up for you. And then my kind of fifth and final tip, is it doesn't need to be friends and family.

[00:12:53] Dr Renee White: It could be a lactation consultant, it could even be your gp, because these people can all provide really [00:13:00] key emotional support in early motherhood. And let's be honest, these people get it. Like they get it, they kind of walk the talk and they are around mamas just like you all the time. And they can hold space maybe, you know, when others can't or won't.

[00:14:08] Dr Renee White: Try and create a consistent routine where you're doing the same activity in, outside in public, you know, every day or every day, like pick one day of the week that like that's what you're gonna be doing. You might be pleasantly surprised who you stumble upon time and time again. Fourth [00:14:30] one, asking for help. That's a tough one. If you find it really challenging to ask for help, I would dip back into one of our previous episodes with Katie Parker, and I'm just trying to find Episode 82.

[00:15:15] Dr Renee White: Like, you know, your village is totally out there and sometimes you just need to knock on a few new doors. And you know what? You could be pleasantly surprised. I, as I said, I'm the poster girl for it. I [00:15:30] turned up. I knew no one. And did it, did it happen overnight? Absolutely not. But I would say over, you know, 2, 3, 4 months, we had a solid group of people who we consistently like saw at the park and you know, we were hanging out and getting fish and chips for dinner and you know, particularly during [00:16:00] covid times when things got really, really challenging, there was some consistent families and not a lot, like I'm saying, there was probably two families that we really like leaned on and that we could consistently say, yep, they are totally part of our village.

[00:16:37] Dr Renee White: So with all that, good luck. If anyone has any other further questions, feel free to jump in on our Instagram at Fill Your Cup underscore dive into the dms. I'm more than happy to answer your questions and maybe I'll turn it into a podcast. Alright everyone, see you later. Bye.

[00:17:13] Dr Renee White: You've just listened to another episode of The Science of Motherhood proudly presented by Fill Your Cup, Australia's first doula village. Head to our website ifillyourcup.com to learn more about our birth and postpartum doula [00:17:30] offerings where every mother we pledge to be the steady hand that guides you back to yourself. Ensuring you feel nurtured, informed, and empowered so you can fully embrace the joy of motherhood with confidence. Until next time, bye.